Posts by Sam Robinson

Joshua Long62 said:I’ve been looking around, but I can't find a thread quite like this, so feel free to move this if I missed it. I’m in a relationship with someone who basically has all the worst traits imaginable: he drinks too much and uses drugs pretty frequently. He grew up in a really messy household with domestic violence and an alcoholic father... It shows. He’s constantly on edge, irritable, and I’ve caught him in lies so many times. He cheated on me, he rarely keeps his word unless there’s something in it for him, and it's just constant. At first, though, everything felt perfect. He was calm, sensitive, and actually made an effort to understand me. Everything seemed fine. We spent almost every waking moment together from day one, and honestly, we started experimenting with stuff together early on and were having fun, getting along well... until the cheating happened. He begged for another chance, and I gave it to him, but naturally, I became paranoid. I’d snap at him whenever he even touched his phone. Then, about a month ago, he started getting drunk almost every single day. He turned aggressive—insulting me, swearing at me, just being the absolute worst. It’s become this endless cycle where he gets aggressive, I end up in tears, and then he just laughs at me for crying. He claims I'm driving him crazy by not trusting him, acting like my suspicion is totally baseless. Eventually, it escalated to him hitting me. I’ve had bruises on my arms and legs more often than I’d like to admit. But despite the daily insults and the physical abuse, I just can't seem to leave him. That’s the real issue. I keep clinging to those good moments, even though they're getting rare, and I keep thinking about how he was at the start. I keep hoping he’ll stop behaving this way, but it feels like no matter what I do, he'll always find something to complain about. And I've heard stories that he was just like this with his exes, too... I don't know how to fix this part of myself—this urge to try and "repair" someone instead of refusing to be humiliated. I feel like I can endure anything; I've never actually walked away from anyone, no matter how they treated me. I know that's not healthy, but I can't help it. I just really want to finally be able to end a relationship like this.

Look, if you truly want to end it, you will succeed. But if you aren't absolutely firm in that decision, you are looking at endless circles of hell with him. I know it isn't easy—because believe me, I've been there and done that—but whether you believe it or not, life moves forward with much more interesting and constructive people if you decide to prioritize change. First, you change for the better, and later, you learn how to stay kind to yourself.

All-powerful admins 🙏

It has been way, way, WAY too long since I’ve been able to access my own thread history, my posts, or any of my activity... and honestly, it’s been just as long since I first started wondering: when exactly do you plan on letting me back in, and what on earth is the reason for keeping me locked out? Best regards

Jesse Mendoza4 said:I haven't had a chance to watch The Mask You Live In - documentary movie yet, but if I'm following correctly, it's pretty wild to suggest that being emotionally shut down or violent stems directly from that "be a man" upbringing.

People who are violent are sick and need professional help; usually, you can trace those issues back to childhood abuse, neglect, or just general bad parenting, rather than some specific gendered rule.

To me, being a man is about strength, taking responsibility, and being a fair player—having true character. Honestly, I think those are qualities anyone should strive for, regardless of gender.

Phrases like "stop crying" or "don't be a baby" are usually aimed at toddlers throwing tantrums in the middle of Target or crying over a scraped knee. I really don't see how that connects to destroying social cohesion once they grow up.

I’m mostly on your side here. Especially regarding the point that traits like strength, responsibility, fairness, and integrity should be valued in both men and women. But my take on what the film is actually aiming at is this: we can't live in that narrow definition 24/7. When there's zero understanding for the full spectrum of emotions and behaviors inherent to boys and men, the whole system starts to fracture. Let's be real; saying "be a man" is just as empty as saying "be a lady"—not that anyone actually uses that one anymore. It's just a collection of toxic labels used for manipulation, much like "don't overreact," "don't be confrontational," "stop whining," "don't cry," or "don't act like a girl." The earlier kids are hit with these labels, the more emotionally stunted they become later in life. They internalize the idea that showing emotion is somehow unmanly or inappropriate, which is exactly why we see such a spike in problematic behavior and an inability to manage anger and frustration when their needs aren't met.

Carl Rivera43 said:Honestly, it's just not right. Men and women both have emotions, and it's honestly bizarre how often we're expected to hide them.

I couldn't agree more. It is fundamentally bizarre to force anyone into some "socially acceptable" mold of masculinity or femininity. Yet, most ridiculously, this happens every single day all over the country—and frankly, even right here on this forum. We're dealing with a massive, systemic taboo. Maybe I should have moved this discussion over to the lounge?

My apologies. If you're looking to check out that incredible documentary, The Mask You Live In (it’s only available in English, unfortunately), you can find it at this link:



The reality of bullying really speaks for itself. From a young age, boys are pressured to conform to this narrow, societal definition of what it means to "be a man." It almost always boils down to suppressing emotions—specifically, a total rejection of expressing how they actually feel. In our culture, showing vulnerability is often branded as "feminine" or just plain "loser" behavior. As a result, these boys grow into emotionally stunted teenagers, and eventually, even more repressed men. The roots of sexism and homophobia are planted right there in phrases like "man up." The documentary is also fascinating because it touches on the current debates surrounding single-sex schooling, where that whole "man up" mentality could end up being paired with even more segregation...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Carl Rivera43. At the end of the day, life really does come down to the choices we make. But what about our boys? Can we honestly expect them to hold their ground against a society that starts feeding them toxic nonsense from the time they enter the school system? It’s all built on completely false premises and twisted logic. Have you had a chance to watch The Mask You Live In - documentary movie that I linked? What’s your take on it?

"We associate sexual contest with masculinity..." The Mask You Live In - documentary movie

"Awaken masculine," be an "alpha," act "cool," "real men don't cry," or "emotions are for weaklings"—these toxic, destructive clichés tear down boys, young men, and men alike. They strip away any chance at genuine, cooperative community. Yet, even on a forum like this, we still act shocked. We wonder why divorce rates are skyrocketing, why infidelity is so rampant, why there’s such profound emotional unavailability, or why we see so much violence and sexual assault... etc... ?

The Mask You Live In: does a pretty solid job of documenting this exact issue, and I'd really like to open up a discussion about it with all of you. So, to my fellow members: what are your thoughts on this forced emotional inhibition? And what do you make of how men try to "compensate" for everything that is deemed "socially unacceptable" or "unutterable" through sex, alcohol, drugs, and other addictions? Is that truly the "only" path left for young men when they are crushed under this societal mandate? 🍿

jadetiger37 said:Yeah, that was exactly the point of the metaphor..
Only thing is, 😈 I gave it a positive spin for this topic—just so nobody accidentally takes offense or anything.. 😉

Besides, the whole thread was already set up like some twisted version of the Prodigal Son anyway.☕

Dana Davis5 said:And honestly? The fact that you’re looking at me and seeing some kind of woman who goes out of her way to make life miserable for others is purely your own perception. It’s just how you’ve interpreted two sentences that clearly stung you for some reason—you might want to sit with that and figure out why—but it has absolutely nothing to do with how I actually treat women. You don't even know me, let alone have any idea what my actual actions toward women look like.😉

I’ve been reading your posts across various threads now, and frankly, your writing style comes across as incredibly wishy-washy and ambivalent. To put it plainly: you're completely noncommittal. 😉

Dana Davis5, if you actually happen to be a woman, then please, stop talking down to us. It’s a well-known fact that there's a special circle of hell reserved specifically for those who spend their lives tearing other women down—and honestly, they usually get exactly what they put out into the world.

Dana Davis5 said:It's funny how women will try so hard to hide or mask their ego, but then they just can't help letting it slip out when they start talking too much. 🤣

Look, Dana Davis5, Ryan Wilson2 is a man, just like you.

And there’s actually a link to a study I posted in a related thread that confirms the whole thing: men tend to be quieter, and when they do speak, it's mostly just garbage and mindless chatter... some guys—my ex, for instance—actually brag about it like it's some kind of virtue or proof of male intellectual superiority. 🤦

Oh, absolutely. It’s just the inevitable logical outcome of having a larger head combined with being an average idiot.😵

Personally, I think Americans are definitely the most spiritual men out there—which explains why they go around insulting everyone else's parents instead of their own...☕

Even in those tired, chauvinistic little stories, Eve is clearly the bigger icon because she actually owns up to her mistakes, unlike Adam, who just points the finger at her for everything. Even in the Old Testament, you have female prophets: "Then the prophetess Miriam, sister of Aronov, took a tambourine in her hand..."🙂 And then you have three wise women who were basically legends in their own right: Esther, Judith, Ruth... but my mind goes primarily to Mary, who conceived, gave birth to, and raised Jesus; both the Bible and the Quran honor her just as much as they do Him. And let's not forget figures like Hildegard von Bingen, Joan of Arc, Mother Teresa, or Simone de Beauvoir...

neonsailor26 said:Do your past mistakes ever come back to haunt you?
Do you find yourself looking back with regret over them?
I’ve certainly made my fair share—some minor slip-ups, and others that were quite significant...
And yes, I do regret them, but it feels as though they’re still lingering right there beside me—almost like some kind of curse, heaven forbid 😢 .
How about you all? How do you deal with those old shadows?

neonsailor26, what kind of question is that even? He only truly lived when he was taking risks with Julia, and even though the Party punished them by tearing them apart, he took that gamble—and he lived—hip hip hooray! Anyone claiming they don't make mistakes is lying through their teeth... of course I've messed up, countless times by now... but honestly, every mistake I experience actually refills my confidence; it serves as both my hope and my fuel to be better than I was. That's why I don't rely on any pills or quick fixes; instead, I set goals based on what I've learned and strive to hit them. You have to stay persistent, show some grace toward yourself and others, and be as patient as a toddler learning how to walk...

Paul White80 said:It’s just like when you actually put your heart into an essay in public school and get a failing grade. But then some old professor fakes a brilliant paper and sails right through with an A.

They’ve been brainwashing us since we were kids: apparently, it’s better to be a fake success than a genuine nobody.

Like Mr. Primavera already pointed out, that was perfectly put, Gemma! It hits right at the core of what I consider to be a global cancer eating away at everything.

Andrew Price3 says: "..."

Andrew Price3 said:Exactly right.

If you focus on a specific behavior, you'll end up doing the exact opposite because you're still acting from an old pattern. Everything you propose as concrete, realistic behavior is merely your "idea of focusing" on your behavior.
Focus is just an idea... it lives in your head, not in your actions.

Focus isn't change. Focus is a static vision of change. What actually changes things is presence. Or, more accurately: focusing on presence.

It’s the classic logic of a wolf who assumes everyone else is running with the pack. But let’s get one thing straight: not everyone is playing along. Not everyone is wearing a mask, and not everyone views life as some grand, superficial masquerade. The problem is that people simply cannot stomach the truth. When someone shows up being genuinely authentic, society immediately moves to label them as "unfit," "incompetent," or "out of touch." It’s a convenient way to dismiss anyone who refuses to conform. There is this unspoken social mandate—a constant pressure to suit up, put on the costume, and play the part. Yet, look at the hypocrisy. We have groups like Anonymous who literally wear masks and hoodies, and suddenly we call that "masking"? It’s pathetic. We’ve built a culture based on performance rather than substance, and unfortunately, today’s generation is picking up on that hollow reality all too well.

There’s a massive difference between focusing on outward behavior and actually living from within. You have people out there constantly performing—putting on an act, wearing a mask, pretending to be something they aren't just to fit a certain mold. That’s not living; that’s theater. The person who truly *feels* doesn't need to obsess over "focusing" on how they behave. Their actions simply flow naturally from their internal state. But here is the tragedy of our modern American society: we have become so disconnected from our own inner lives, so dictated by the pressures of social expectations, that we’ve lost the ability to recognize authenticity altogether. We can't even tell when we're being real, let alone when someone else is. We're all just drifting through a sea of manufactured personas. If you want to actually matter, if you want to be a person of substance, you need to have the guts to be yourself. It takes real courage—real backbone—to face who you actually are beneath the layers of societal conditioning. Do the work. Explore your own psyche. Evolve. Change yourself instead of wasting your energy trying to manipulate or modulate the people around you. Stop trying to fix everyone else and start looking in the mirror.

Zachary Hayes2 said:I don't get it. You trying to tell me something? I'm talking about people who were adopted and might run into a relative and hook up without having a clue they're related. That's just incest by ignorance.

It looks like you've taken that personally, but I'm asking the author here, obviously... 😁

Maybe it’s because I know my family and relatives way too well to ever feel that kind of spark... 😬

Why even ask? So what, your niece or some younger cousin thinks you're some kind of god and your ego hits 300? Give me a break. Even pedophilia can be called "attraction," but let's call it what it actually is: sick.

Jerry Bishop4 said:Well, you aren't being too sensitive 😲

I’ve definitely learned my lesson about internet traps and how easy it is for someone to pretend to be someone they aren't. But honestly, people always end up showing their true colors eventually.
Just watch for the red flags; they always show up. It’s the exact same thing as meeting people in real life.
At least, that's been my experience.
Who can really blame women when they miss those signs? No one, because it happens just as much offline. I’d say meeting people online is pretty much the same thing.
People don't just ignore reality here; they do it in the real world, too. Like, if you go out to a club in NYC, you'll see the same thing. So, I'd say your issue is basically the same as what happens in person. 😲
People lie to themselves all the time—online, in person, everywhere.

I think that's the only real issue here, rather than the internet itself.

And you? Are you suddenly an expert on "watching the signs"? Do you know everything? For all I know, are you even a woman?

ambercrane722 said:I honestly can’t tell if you’re flying solo or what, but once life throws you a few curveballs, you'll get exactly what I'm talking about. Life is basically just one big game—sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and frankly, it's pretty damn boring otherwise. As for all this sickness talk, who knows? We’re all a little twisted in our own way, right? Let everyone else go ahead and play house in their perfect little healthy relationships; let 'em enjoy it while it lasts!

So, you're trying to sneakily fish for my relationship status, are you? 😛 Look, I'll give you this much: I agree that without a bit of psychological maneuvering behind the scenes, some people find their relationships incredibly dull... but again, the emphasis there is on *some* people...

I’m just talking to the wind here 😁

And that seems to be exactly where the catch lies. I’m talking about genuine, healthy sexuality and actual love—concepts that are fundamentally incompatible with power games and the manufacturing of illusions in my book... 🤷
While pure sexual desire can have its own charm, the absolute mess that happens far too often is when people mistakenly assume those two things are even remotely compatible...