Posts by lonegardener

Gary James88 said:Some people go through identity crises, so I assume there are cases where orientation shifts over a lifetime, though you could argue they were never "truly" gay to begin with, whatever that implies.

The scientific consensus is pretty much that once a sexual orientation is established, it doesn't change. There have been attempts by certain hardline religious groups to force that change, but the results were disastrous—mostly just leaving people more traumatized.

It’s interesting how 90% of the people pushing the idea that orientation can be altered are backed by some kind of religious faction.

... that the topic is simply too politically charged to ever tackle with "strict objectivity." 😬

Just stay quiet and don't rock the boat, Xexexe.

Jerry Martinez5 said:No. You aren't your fears or how you were raised... you are you. You're that inner being that actually lives and loves. The fears and the guilt are just things that stop that being from living and growing naturally.

... or so they say. 😬

Drew Morgan said:It isn’t some impossible feat. In fact, it’s much easier than trying to find some other person to fill your psychological void.

It’s tough work. It takes time and serious self-discipline, but you start seeing progress.

Every day, in every possible way... we’re all just one step closer to the grave. LOL.

Drew Morgan said:Here is what Pelican wrote:

"Why even bother putting all this forward? Why not just walk away after a few humiliations?
I figured if things worked out and she actually loved me, I’d get my life and my self-respect back—my sense of self. Or at least, I wouldn't feel like everything I sacrificed was for nothing. That's why I stayed.
You invest so much of yourself that you can't bear to admit it's time to cut your losses and run like hell.
It's like waiting thirty minutes for a bus in Chicago and thinking it's too stupid to start walking because surely it'll show up any second... except in this case, the bus might eventually arrive, but the lowlifes running the show aren't ever going to change."

This is a pattern that applies to most people, and it isn't just about staying in a bad relationship. 😍

Drew Morgan said:Anti-speciesism has been part of my soul since before I was born. 😍 And frankly, it's the only logical stance!

It 'seems' logical? WOW, I'm noticing progress here. Or rather, it seems to me that I'm noticing progress. 😍

Drew Morgan said:In a crisis, instinct takes the wheel. It's impossible to debate a "what if" scenario when adrenaline is pumping. I might not even be able to save anyone. Purely logically, I would prioritize whoever offers the highest probability of survival.

If your argument is that a child simply by being human somehow "deserves" salvation more—well, that logic is fundamentally flawed.

I’m not really trying to argue about who "deserves" what—to be honest, the whole concept of merit feels a bit fuzzy to me. But if it comes down to it, I’d save a child over 14,000 rabbits every single time. Like I told you, this instinct is just hardwired into my DNA. I don't feel the need to justify it with logic or try to prove some objective "higher value." It’s just how I am. You’re more than free to disagree, of course.

Don't you dare try to tie this back to "common sense" right now. LOL.

Drew Morgan said:As an anti-speciesist, I’m constantly exposed to this stuff, and frankly, it’s a daily drain.

Anti-speciesists view the world through a different lens—species isn't the deciding factor. We aren't anthropocentrists.

For people like me, there isn't much distinction between children and pets, except for one simple matter of preference: kids tend to get under my skin, whereas animals are a constant source of joy and entertainment.

It boils down to this: I find humans as a species rather unappealing, while animals are generally fine. Plus, they are the ones being oppressed in this world, which naturally drives deeper empathy toward them.

Are you seriously suggesting that in an emergency—say, a building fire—you’d actually hesitate between saving a child or a rabbit? Let me push that scenario a bit further: imagine you have to choose between a neighbor's kid who just moved in next door and your own pet rabbit.

Sean Cruz said:😁
That old saying holds true: You are who you associate with. I actually held back from mentioning roasted rabbits just so I wouldn't upset Vess.

What seems odd to you? Is it that I missed the intersection, or that I don't struggle with math? 🤣
It's a metaphor, obviously. 😉

They say the first ten years are the hardest 😁 while you're struggling to find an intersection, completely unaware that you actually have a union. Some realize it early, some late, and some never at all. 😛🙂

The strange part is that you only really grasped the intersection through the example of an empty set. Otherwise, the whole concept of a set intersection seems incredibly intuitive and easy to wrap your head around to me.

As for the metaphor... hmm. I think I took it the wrong way. Maybe I’m just naturally prone to pessimism, or maybe I’m just being a realist? 😍

Sean Cruz said:I remember back in second grade, grasping the concept of set intersections was a total struggle for me. It finally clicked once they explained it using an example where one of the sets was actually empty. Ever since then, math hasn't been an issue. 😁 🤣

That sounds a bit odd... could this be some kind of metaphor? 😲

Sean Cruz said:Life isn't some fairy tale, though dreaming is a nice distraction every now and then. 🙂 While I tend to be pretty pragmatic about what people are actually capable of when it comes to love, knowing what I *don't* want is a start. And that counts for something.

I'm not so sure that counts as much of a 'start.' Once I cross off everything I refuse to deal with, I feel like there's nothing left on the list. 😬 🤣

Sean Cruz said:To me, comparing love for people to love for animals is absurd. You bought a rabbit; he’s your property. For me, that’s where the whole idea of unconditional love ends. If you had bought any other rabbit, it would be the exact same thing. The only version of unconditional love that exists is between a mother and her child, and even then, it isn't entirely absolute. What Maherica mentioned regarding caring for a spouse is, in most cases, due to the responsibility you take on through marriage, and that spouse has also "earned" that care in some way. You certainly aren't going to care for an abuser who mistreated you, unless you've lost your mind or are pitying them after the fact—and in that case, there's no question that it isn't love.

Sure, "unconditional love" sounds like something divine—but I have two issues with that. First, I'm not even sure if God exists. Second, even if He does, I'm fairly certain humans aren't gods. 😬

So, I'm with you on this—your assessment seems spot on. The real question is how we actually live with that realization. 😢

Jerry Martinez5 said:First off, what does "hypocrite" even mean to you? Are you aware that you probably present a different face to the world—one for acquaintances and strangers, and a totally different one internally?

Second, human relationships just involve getting hurt sometimes. Maybe you have a great friend, you've been close for years, and then she gets married, has kids, and suddenly doesn't have time for you anymore. Okay, that isn't hypocrisy; life priorities just shifted.

There are a million possibilities here. You didn't write much in your opening post, so we're all just guessing what you meant. We would actually need to know what "hypocrisy" looks like to you and how these people specifically hurt you.

In principle: if you gossip about others while hanging out with a group, you can be certain they’ll gossip about you the second you walk away. Are they hypocrites? In my opinion, no. I enjoy gossiping too, even about my closest friends. But strictly within a tight circle.

Basically, neither you nor anyone else is a saint. There's less disappointment when you align your expectations with reality. If you met someone six months ago and they seem great, there's an equal chance they could become a best friend or turn their back on you. You just don't know them well enough yet. As for people you've known for years, you really should understand their behavior and try to grasp why they did whatever it was that hurt you.

wow, I totally skipped over this one... a little hint of philosophical debate here. 👍

Sandra Parker3 said:That’s what I was thinking, or rather... if you want to get technical... you seem more suspicious of yourself than of others, maybe just a tiny bit more... but anyway, that's beside the point.🙄

Quincy:

And honestly—doesn't that make sense? You don't know anyone as well as you know yourself, so you definitely have enough reason to doubt yourself just as much as you doubt anyone else.😬

Well, doubting yourself is fine; a certain amount of suspicion is actually healthy, you just have to find that "decent" line where it doesn't turn into total self-destruction.

Quincy:

'Worth it' is just another word that means nothing without a personal value system.😍

Did you miss the quotation marks around "worth it"?.... I assume I had my reasons.😠....🙏

Let's try this one more time: how much skepticism and lack of trust is too much?
It couldn't be simpler.🤷

Because it absolutely wrecks me when I can't trust someone, but it's just as bad when people don't trust me.
Doesn't that bother you?

Quincy:

To reiterate: giving trust is much easier (at least for me) than receiving it. Having someone's trust is a massive responsibility...

But isn't it also a huge responsibility to give your trust away? It's a responsibility to yourself; I don't see any difference here, since you aren't somehow less important than anyone else.🤷
But that's not what I meant, so forget it—clearly we're just talking past each other.🙄

Actually, I find the lack of trust intriguing. 😍 Subconsciously, it almost drives me to try and "break through" that skepticism... though my sense of responsibility keeps me from taking too many risks with it. 🤷

Sandra Parker3 said:That’s what I was thinking, or rather... if you want to get technical... you seem more suspicious of yourself than of others, maybe just a tiny bit more... but anyway, that's beside the point.🙄

Quincy:

And honestly—doesn't that make sense? You don't know anyone as well as you know yourself, so you definitely have enough reason to doubt yourself just as much as you doubt anyone else.😬

Well, doubting yourself is fine; a certain amount of suspicion is actually healthy, you just have to find that "decent" line where it doesn't turn into total self-destruction.

Quincy:

'Worth it' is just another word that means nothing without a personal value system.😍

Did you miss the quotation marks around "worth it"?.... I assume I had my reasons.😠....🙏

Let's try this one more time: how much skepticism and lack of trust is too much?
It couldn't be simpler.🤷

Because it absolutely wrecks me when I can't trust someone, but it's just as bad when people don't trust me.
Doesn't that bother you?

Quincy:

To reiterate: giving trust is much easier (at least for me) than receiving it. Having someone's trust is a massive responsibility...

But isn't it also a huge responsibility to give your trust away? It's a responsibility to yourself; I don't see any difference here, since you aren't somehow less important than anyone else.🤷
But that's not what I meant, so forget it—clearly we're just talking past each other.🙄

It isn't about value; it's about something else entirely. If you're driving a semi-truck, you obviously have a much higher level of responsibility toward others than you do toward yourself—it's different from riding a bicycle, where you mostly just need to look out for your own safety. That doesn't mean the truck driver is worth less than the cyclist, right? 😍

Anyway, we've completely veered off track...

Sandra Parker3 said:Well, I don't know about you... but I definitely am when it comes to lonegardener, mostly because he's such a cynical pessimist, though he’d probably describe himself differently. 🤷

Quincy:

Why? I guess I have to be more guarded, since it clearly doesn't "pay off" to be honest and open. Then again, I'm not even sure if I want to—or even can—change those parts of myself.

Oh right, you guys really aren't getting it; you're totally checked out... the emphasis was on the word "cold," which I tried my best to explain, even if I am a little scattered. 😍But I wasn't so incoherent that it should have been impossible to understand. 🙄

To put it briefly (ugh, what a word), how much does it actually "pay off" to withhold trust just because someone's blowing smoke in your face?

Regarding that last sentence... you should ask yourself why you don't want to change, there's always a reason.
But yeah, you pretty much answered it yourself below...

Quincy:

We just can't help ourselves, can we? I know I have the right to make mistakes, but I just hate dealing with the fallout. 😁

It's all connected, there's no separating the two, so you decide what you're going to do.
And honestly, it sounds a lot like that old saying, "no regrets after the fact," doesn't it?
You actually enjoy making mistakes; it's that whole process of trading things away without meeting both requirements (two, according to lonegardener).

Hehe, no... I'm plenty informed, I just stick to my guns and deal with the consequences of being open much easier than anyone else does, you know?

Personally, my skepticism is pretty evenly balanced between myself and everyone else. It just makes sense, doesn't it? You don't know anyone better than you know yourself, so you have plenty of reason to doubt your own motives just as much as you doubt others. 😬

Sandra Parker3 said:Well, I don't know about you... but I definitely am when it comes to lonegardener, mostly because he's such a cynical pessimist, though he’d probably describe himself differently. 🤷

Quincy:

Why? I guess I have to be more guarded, since it clearly doesn't "pay off" to be honest and open. Then again, I'm not even sure if I want to—or even can—change those parts of myself.

Oh right, you guys really aren't getting it; you're totally checked out... the emphasis was on the word "cold," which I tried my best to explain, even if I am a little scattered. 😍But I wasn't so incoherent that it should have been impossible to understand. 🙄

To put it briefly (ugh, what a word), how much does it actually "pay off" to withhold trust just because someone's blowing smoke in your face?

Regarding that last sentence... you should ask yourself why you don't want to change, there's always a reason.
But yeah, you pretty much answered it yourself below...

Quincy:

We just can't help ourselves, can we? I know I have the right to make mistakes, but I just hate dealing with the fallout. 😁

It's all connected, there's no separating the two, so you decide what you're going to do.
And honestly, it sounds a lot like that old saying, "no regrets after the fact," doesn't it?
You actually enjoy making mistakes; it's that whole process of trading things away without meeting both requirements (two, according to lonegardener).

Hehe, no... I'm plenty informed, I just stick to my guns and deal with the consequences of being open much easier than anyone else does, you know?

"Worth it" is another one of those terms that means nothing without a personal value system behind it. 😍

Sandra Parker3 said:Well, I don't know about you... but I definitely am when it comes to lonegardener, mostly because he's such a cynical pessimist, though he’d probably describe himself differently. 🤷

Quincy:

Why? I guess I have to be more guarded, since it clearly doesn't "pay off" to be honest and open. Then again, I'm not even sure if I want to—or even can—change those parts of myself.

Oh right, you guys really aren't getting it; you're totally checked out... the emphasis was on the word "cold," which I tried my best to explain, even if I am a little scattered. 😍But I wasn't so incoherent that it should have been impossible to understand. 🙄

To put it briefly (ugh, what a word), how much does it actually "pay off" to withhold trust just because someone's blowing smoke in your face?

Regarding that last sentence... you should ask yourself why you don't want to change, there's always a reason.
But yeah, you pretty much answered it yourself below...

Quincy:

We just can't help ourselves, can we? I know I have the right to make mistakes, but I just hate dealing with the fallout. 😁

It's all connected, there's no separating the two, so you decide what you're going to do.
And honestly, it sounds a lot like that old saying, "no regrets after the fact," doesn't it?
You actually enjoy making mistakes; it's that whole process of trading things away without meeting both requirements (two, according to lonegardener).

Hehe, no... I'm plenty informed, I just stick to my guns and deal with the consequences of being open much easier than anyone else does, you know?

Let me say it again: giving trust is much easier (at least for me) than receiving it. Earning someone's trust is a massive responsibility...

Sean Cruz said:I face the same dilemma; I have no idea who I am supposed to be. Everyone seems to have their own grand theories on how one should conduct themselves, but I simply am who I am. I have no intention of undergoing any radical transformations. 😁
Quincy:

I judge based on my own experience. Since I have no interest in mystery, the easiest way to deceive me would be through a brilliantly performed display of "sincerity." (The easiest way, perhaps, though still quite a challenge. 😍 )

Are you aware that you are posting this publicly? Someone might just take advantage of that. 😍 🤣
Quincy:

Ah, were you referring to the past? I didn't realize...

If it weren't in the past, I wouldn't even be able to write about it—I'd be eating my own heart out.

Quincy:

Certainly, but don't hold your breath. I'm not feeling particularly optimistic about it...

Perhaps Sandra Parker3 will find a solution. She is far more optimistic than we are. 😍

Why? Should I become more cautious? It seems being honest and open doesn't exactly pay off. Then again, I'm not sure I want to—or even can—change those traits.

Quincy:

You don't need to have absolute confidence in your own judgments; that's the answer. 👍 You can always mess up. I think it’s actually healthier to be kinder to yourself—giving yourself some breathing room for mistakes, rather than constantly obsessing over being perfect. But honestly, I’m just not good at it. 😠

🤣

We can't help ourselves, can we? I know I have the right to make mistakes, but I hate dealing with the fallout. 😁

Everyone trips up sometimes... it’s practically part of the job description. 😁

Hmm. Actually, I don't mind changing... maybe even making some radical shifts? The issue is that I really *dislike* about 90% of what people claim is the "ideal" way to be.😍 Don't you agree? Even if I were open to self-improvement, there is no way I’d want to morph into someone I currently find unappealing (to put it mildly).

Sean Cruz said:I face the same dilemma; I have no idea who I am supposed to be. Everyone seems to have their own grand theories on how one should conduct themselves, but I simply am who I am. I have no intention of undergoing any radical transformations. 😁
Quincy:

I judge based on my own experience. Since I have no interest in mystery, the easiest way to deceive me would be through a brilliantly performed display of "sincerity." (The easiest way, perhaps, though still quite a challenge. 😍 )

Are you aware that you are posting this publicly? Someone might just take advantage of that. 😍 🤣
Quincy:

Ah, were you referring to the past? I didn't realize...

If it weren't in the past, I wouldn't even be able to write about it—I'd be eating my own heart out.

Quincy:

Certainly, but don't hold your breath. I'm not feeling particularly optimistic about it...

Perhaps Sandra Parker3 will find a solution. She is far more optimistic than we are. 😍

Why? Should I become more cautious? It seems being honest and open doesn't exactly pay off. Then again, I'm not sure I want to—or even can—change those traits.

Quincy:

You don't need to have absolute confidence in your own judgments; that's the answer. 👍 You can always mess up. I think it’s actually healthier to be kinder to yourself—giving yourself some breathing room for mistakes, rather than constantly obsessing over being perfect. But honestly, I’m just not good at it. 😠

🤣

We can't help ourselves, can we? I know I have the right to make mistakes, but I hate dealing with the fallout. 😁

Everyone trips up sometimes... it’s practically part of the job description. 😁

You think one of the four or five people reading this is going to jump on that? LOL.
Besides, I don't have anything particularly valuable for someone to "exploit." If someone wanted to use this against me, it would just be out of pure, mindless malice, and I’m fairly confident I would have noticed that kind of character trait in them by now.😍

Sean Cruz said:I face the same dilemma; I have no idea who I am supposed to be. Everyone seems to have their own grand theories on how one should conduct themselves, but I simply am who I am. I have no intention of undergoing any radical transformations. 😁
Quincy:

I judge based on my own experience. Since I have no interest in mystery, the easiest way to deceive me would be through a brilliantly performed display of "sincerity." (The easiest way, perhaps, though still quite a challenge. 😍 )

Are you aware that you are posting this publicly? Someone might just take advantage of that. 😍 🤣
Quincy:

Ah, were you referring to the past? I didn't realize...

If it weren't in the past, I wouldn't even be able to write about it—I'd be eating my own heart out.

Quincy:

Certainly, but don't hold your breath. I'm not feeling particularly optimistic about it...

Perhaps Sandra Parker3 will find a solution. She is far more optimistic than we are. 😍

Why? Should I become more cautious? It seems being honest and open doesn't exactly pay off. Then again, I'm not sure I want to—or even can—change those traits.

Quincy:

You don't need to have absolute confidence in your own judgments; that's the answer. 👍 You can always mess up. I think it’s actually healthier to be kinder to yourself—giving yourself some breathing room for mistakes, rather than constantly obsessing over being perfect. But honestly, I’m just not good at it. 😠

🤣

We can't help ourselves, can we? I know I have the right to make mistakes, but I hate dealing with the fallout. 😁

Everyone trips up sometimes... it’s practically part of the job description. 😁

Do you mean less informed?🤣

Sean Cruz said:I face the same dilemma; I have no idea who I am supposed to be. Everyone seems to have their own grand theories on how one should conduct themselves, but I simply am who I am. I have no intention of undergoing any radical transformations. 😁
Quincy:

I judge based on my own experience. Since I have no interest in mystery, the easiest way to deceive me would be through a brilliantly performed display of "sincerity." (The easiest way, perhaps, though still quite a challenge. 😍 )

Are you aware that you are posting this publicly? Someone might just take advantage of that. 😍 🤣
Quincy:

Ah, were you referring to the past? I didn't realize...

If it weren't in the past, I wouldn't even be able to write about it—I'd be eating my own heart out.

Quincy:

Certainly, but don't hold your breath. I'm not feeling particularly optimistic about it...

Perhaps Sandra Parker3 will find a solution. She is far more optimistic than we are. 😍

Why? Should I become more cautious? It seems being honest and open doesn't exactly pay off. Then again, I'm not sure I want to—or even can—change those traits.

Quincy:

You don't need to have absolute confidence in your own judgments; that's the answer. 👍 You can always mess up. I think it’s actually healthier to be kinder to yourself—giving yourself some breathing room for mistakes, rather than constantly obsessing over being perfect. But honestly, I’m just not good at it. 😠

🤣

We can't help ourselves, can we? I know I have the right to make mistakes, but I hate dealing with the fallout. 😁

Everyone trips up sometimes... it’s practically part of the job description. 😁

Especially when you’re swimming in murky waters... 😬

Sean Cruz said:It’s quite simple, really. I am—for the most part—an honest person. I don't say much, but when I do, I mean it. My father still insists that being this way is a virtue and how one ought to carry themselves. 🙄
Quincy:

Furthermore, it seems to me that the most effective manipulation strategy is to convincingly play the part of an honest person. Rather than, say, acting mysterious.

😁

What makes you say that?

Quincy:

Now that I think about it, all of this was actually covered in one great movie: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093223/

I haven't seen that one, but I'll look for it. Thanks. 🙂

Quincy:

I don't quite follow... the whole issue is precisely that you can't tell if there are games being played or not.

I'm fairly certain there were games at play. Though, perhaps not. 🤣

Quincy:

Somewhere in between difficult and impossible, I'd wager... 😢

If you figure it out, let me know. It's eating at me, and I can't seem to help myself—at least not right now.

I wouldn't go so far as to say "how someone should be."

That’s really the million-dollar question, isn't it? The ultimate question: how *should* we be? I honestly have no clue. I know what I like; but whether that's how one "ought" to act—I just don't know.

Sean Cruz said:It’s quite simple, really. I am—for the most part—an honest person. I don't say much, but when I do, I mean it. My father still insists that being this way is a virtue and how one ought to carry themselves. 🙄
Quincy:

Furthermore, it seems to me that the most effective manipulation strategy is to convincingly play the part of an honest person. Rather than, say, acting mysterious.

😁

What makes you say that?

Quincy:

Now that I think about it, all of this was actually covered in one great movie: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093223/

I haven't seen that one, but I'll look for it. Thanks. 🙂

Quincy:

I don't quite follow... the whole issue is precisely that you can't tell if there are games being played or not.

I'm fairly certain there were games at play. Though, perhaps not. 🤣

Quincy:

Somewhere in between difficult and impossible, I'd wager... 😢

If you figure it out, let me know. It's eating at me, and I can't seem to help myself—at least not right now.

I'm judging based on my own experience. Since I have zero interest in mystery, I'd probably be the easiest person to fool with some brilliantly acted "honesty."

(It would be easy, sure, but still—not exactly a walk in the park. 😍 )

Sean Cruz said:It’s quite simple, really. I am—for the most part—an honest person. I don't say much, but when I do, I mean it. My father still insists that being this way is a virtue and how one ought to carry themselves. 🙄
Quincy:

Furthermore, it seems to me that the most effective manipulation strategy is to convincingly play the part of an honest person. Rather than, say, acting mysterious.

😁

What makes you say that?

Quincy:

Now that I think about it, all of this was actually covered in one great movie: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093223/

I haven't seen that one, but I'll look for it. Thanks. 🙂

Quincy:

I don't quite follow... the whole issue is precisely that you can't tell if there are games being played or not.

I'm fairly certain there were games at play. Though, perhaps not. 🤣

Quincy:

Somewhere in between difficult and impossible, I'd wager... 😢

If you figure it out, let me know. It's eating at me, and I can't seem to help myself—at least not right now.

Ah, were you talking about the past? I didn't realize...

Sean Cruz said:It’s quite simple, really. I am—for the most part—an honest person. I don't say much, but when I do, I mean it. My father still insists that being this way is a virtue and how one ought to carry themselves. 🙄
Quincy:

Furthermore, it seems to me that the most effective manipulation strategy is to convincingly play the part of an honest person. Rather than, say, acting mysterious.

😁

What makes you say that?

Quincy:

Now that I think about it, all of this was actually covered in one great movie: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093223/

I haven't seen that one, but I'll look for it. Thanks. 🙂

Quincy:

I don't quite follow... the whole issue is precisely that you can't tell if there are games being played or not.

I'm fairly certain there were games at play. Though, perhaps not. 🤣

Quincy:

Somewhere in between difficult and impossible, I'd wager... 😢

If you figure it out, let me know. It's eating at me, and I can't seem to help myself—at least not right now.

Sure thing, but don't hold your breath. I'm not feeling particularly optimistic about that...

Sean Cruz said:😍 You’re being a bit too literal sometimes. I wasn't making a mathematical argument; my point was that if you don't trust 99% of people, and then that remaining 1% actually screws you over by even 0.33%, it’s still a massive headache.

Even if someone comes across that way, are you absolutely certain it isn't just a simple misunderstanding or a breakdown in communication?

I can be certain of nothing, not even my own thoughts. Usually, I try to double-check things or just wait for time to reveal whether it was all just a misunderstanding. Mind you, there are days when I know I’m being judgmental and making a mountain out of a molehill. 🤣 I'm working on it, though. I am genuinely trying to shake that trait and learn how to be more patient. 🙄 It’s fascinating, really. I’ve found myself being manipulated on more than one occasion, which leaves me wondering: am I just incredibly naive, or am I actually being foolish? 🤷 I’ve been trying to wrap my head around what exactly it is about my personality that draws them in—and why they ultimately decide I’m an easy target.

Look, listen up, Isn't that a little creepy?If you truly placed your full trust in someone only to realize they were being two-faced, it triggers this overwhelming sense of self-doubt. You start questioning your own judgment across the board. The first thing I’d do if I found myself spiraling into that kind of skepticism is pause and ask: how do I know this "new realization" isn't just another illusion or a mistake? After all, I already have proof that my perception can be fundamentally wrong, don't I?

It’s chilling when you finally realize how certain people actually operate. You’re right—once that realization hits, it just leaves you with a mountain of questions. Was the whole thing a lie? How are you supposed to trust anyone after being played like that? At first, you try to convince yourself it was just some twisted social experiment to see how you'd react, but once you realize it wasn't, you're left wondering if anything they've ever done was genuine. It becomes a loop you can't escape. You can never truly be sure of anything. But honestly, if someone is out there playing games with you, is it even worth the headspace? Not really.

In short, once you realize how completely wrong you were before, you can never again be 100% certain about any future argument.

And that’s exactly where I struggle—how do you actually rebuild trust in your own judgment?

Well... logically speaking, honest people are the easiest targets for manipulation.

If someone goes into a situation intending to pull a fast one, they learn to spot sincerity immediately.

It also seems to me that the best strategy for a manipulator is to convincingly act like just as honest a person. They wouldn't, say, try to act mysterious.

Actually, this reminds me of something mentioned in a great movie:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093223/

Sean Cruz said:😍 You’re being a bit too literal sometimes. I wasn't making a mathematical argument; my point was that if you don't trust 99% of people, and then that remaining 1% actually screws you over by even 0.33%, it’s still a massive headache.

Even if someone comes across that way, are you absolutely certain it isn't just a simple misunderstanding or a breakdown in communication?

I can be certain of nothing, not even my own thoughts. Usually, I try to double-check things or just wait for time to reveal whether it was all just a misunderstanding. Mind you, there are days when I know I’m being judgmental and making a mountain out of a molehill. 🤣 I'm working on it, though. I am genuinely trying to shake that trait and learn how to be more patient. 🙄 It’s fascinating, really. I’ve found myself being manipulated on more than one occasion, which leaves me wondering: am I just incredibly naive, or am I actually being foolish? 🤷 I’ve been trying to wrap my head around what exactly it is about my personality that draws them in—and why they ultimately decide I’m an easy target.

Look, listen up, Isn't that a little creepy?If you truly placed your full trust in someone only to realize they were being two-faced, it triggers this overwhelming sense of self-doubt. You start questioning your own judgment across the board. The first thing I’d do if I found myself spiraling into that kind of skepticism is pause and ask: how do I know this "new realization" isn't just another illusion or a mistake? After all, I already have proof that my perception can be fundamentally wrong, don't I?

It’s chilling when you finally realize how certain people actually operate. You’re right—once that realization hits, it just leaves you with a mountain of questions. Was the whole thing a lie? How are you supposed to trust anyone after being played like that? At first, you try to convince yourself it was just some twisted social experiment to see how you'd react, but once you realize it wasn't, you're left wondering if anything they've ever done was genuine. It becomes a loop you can't escape. You can never truly be sure of anything. But honestly, if someone is out there playing games with you, is it even worth the headspace? Not really.

In short, once you realize how completely wrong you were before, you can never again be 100% certain about any future argument.

And that’s exactly where I struggle—how do you actually rebuild trust in your own judgment?

I don't quite follow that... because the whole problem is that you don't know if they're playing games or not.

Sean Cruz said:😍 You’re being a bit too literal sometimes. I wasn't making a mathematical argument; my point was that if you don't trust 99% of people, and then that remaining 1% actually screws you over by even 0.33%, it’s still a massive headache.

Even if someone comes across that way, are you absolutely certain it isn't just a simple misunderstanding or a breakdown in communication?

I can be certain of nothing, not even my own thoughts. Usually, I try to double-check things or just wait for time to reveal whether it was all just a misunderstanding. Mind you, there are days when I know I’m being judgmental and making a mountain out of a molehill. 🤣 I'm working on it, though. I am genuinely trying to shake that trait and learn how to be more patient. 🙄 It’s fascinating, really. I’ve found myself being manipulated on more than one occasion, which leaves me wondering: am I just incredibly naive, or am I actually being foolish? 🤷 I’ve been trying to wrap my head around what exactly it is about my personality that draws them in—and why they ultimately decide I’m an easy target.

Look, listen up, Isn't that a little creepy?If you truly placed your full trust in someone only to realize they were being two-faced, it triggers this overwhelming sense of self-doubt. You start questioning your own judgment across the board. The first thing I’d do if I found myself spiraling into that kind of skepticism is pause and ask: how do I know this "new realization" isn't just another illusion or a mistake? After all, I already have proof that my perception can be fundamentally wrong, don't I?

It’s chilling when you finally realize how certain people actually operate. You’re right—once that realization hits, it just leaves you with a mountain of questions. Was the whole thing a lie? How are you supposed to trust anyone after being played like that? At first, you try to convince yourself it was just some twisted social experiment to see how you'd react, but once you realize it wasn't, you're left wondering if anything they've ever done was genuine. It becomes a loop you can't escape. You can never truly be sure of anything. But honestly, if someone is out there playing games with you, is it even worth the headspace? Not really.

In short, once you realize how completely wrong you were before, you can never again be 100% certain about any future argument.

And that’s exactly where I struggle—how do you actually rebuild trust in your own judgment?

Somewhere between "very difficult" and "impossible," I suspect... 😢

Sean Cruz said:No, that's not what I mean. I'm talking about the manipulators—the ones who go out of their way to earn your trust specifically so they can pull the rug out from under you. I'm talking about truly malicious people who enter relationships with the sole intention of causing harm. I used to think they were outliers, but I'm starting to realize they are everywhere.

😲

Quite a lot? What makes you say that?

Personally, I don't think they're that common. And even if someone strikes you as being that type of person, are you 100% certain it isn't just a misunderstanding or a simple breakdown in communication?

Think about it—it’s actually a bit terrifying. If you truly put your full faith in someone and then suddenly feel like they've been two-faced, it creates this overwhelming sense of doubt regarding your own judgment. The first thing I would question in that situation is whether this "new realization" itself isn't just another error in judgment. After all, I already have proof that I can be completely wrong about someone, right?

In short, realizing how deeply you were misled in the past probably means you can never be 100% sure of your intuition ever again.

Sandra Parker3 said:Nothing, really. Why bother?
You just have to work on yourself so the blow doesn't hurt quite as much. If you spend all your energy trying to find some foolproof way to spot them, you're just wasting time and strength, and honestly, it still hurts just as bad if not worse.

Basically, the only way out is to build up some kind of resilience.
I'm also not big on being overly cautious, maybe just a little 🤔, because while you're busy building walls against potential hypocrites, you might accidentally shut out the genuine people too.

I usually start off open, then pull back a bit, and 🤷
but at least I feel like I'm not losing anything meaningful along the way
because... well, how else are you supposed to learn? If you don't get burned once in a while, you'll never know.

Total trust takes forever to build, and even then, there's no guarantee they won't stab you in the back anyway.
And "secrets" aren't always huge things; it depends on what we're talking about. What's the point of having a reliable person if there's nothing to confide in? I won't go into specific examples.

There's also the possibility of simply not having secrets like that. 🙂

But it's not even necessarily about massive secrets; it's just those little details you don't want to broadcast to the whole world, you know? You share them with certain people just because it feels right. It's impossible not to have those moments.

Then... all that's left is to "train" yourself to handle those heavy hits—like getting stabbed in the back—with a bit more grace and less pain.

🤷 I honestly can't wrap my head around it. To build up that level of trust over such a long period, only to suddenly realize someone was being two-faced the entire time? It’s infuriating. This wasn't some accidental slip of the tongue or a simple "oops" moment—this felt calculated. It feels like they went out of their way to be deceptive, specifically with the intention of causing harm.

Sandra Parker3 said:Nothing, really. Why bother?
You just have to work on yourself so the blow doesn't hurt quite as much. If you spend all your energy trying to find some foolproof way to spot them, you're just wasting time and strength, and honestly, it still hurts just as bad if not worse.

Basically, the only way out is to build up some kind of resilience.
I'm also not big on being overly cautious, maybe just a little 🤔, because while you're busy building walls against potential hypocrites, you might accidentally shut out the genuine people too.

I usually start off open, then pull back a bit, and 🤷
but at least I feel like I'm not losing anything meaningful along the way
because... well, how else are you supposed to learn? If you don't get burned once in a while, you'll never know.

Total trust takes forever to build, and even then, there's no guarantee they won't stab you in the back anyway.
And "secrets" aren't always huge things; it depends on what we're talking about. What's the point of having a reliable person if there's nothing to confide in? I won't go into specific examples.

There's also the possibility of simply not having secrets like that. 🙂

But it's not even necessarily about massive secrets; it's just those little details you don't want to broadcast to the whole world, you know? You share them with certain people just because it feels right. It's impossible not to have those moments.

Then... all that's left is to "train" yourself to handle those heavy hits—like getting stabbed in the back—with a bit more grace and less pain.

Give it a shot. Honestly, I don't see what kind of "effect" there could possibly be from sharing secrets. The only real impact comes from the act itself. For it to actually work, the person you’re talking to just needs to meet two simple criteria: you have to genuinely care about them, and they have to be someone you can trust. I keep hearing examples that suggest the exact opposite. 😬

Sandra Parker3 said:Nothing, really. Why bother?
You just have to work on yourself so the blow doesn't hurt quite as much. If you spend all your energy trying to find some foolproof way to spot them, you're just wasting time and strength, and honestly, it still hurts just as bad if not worse.

Basically, the only way out is to build up some kind of resilience.
I'm also not big on being overly cautious, maybe just a little 🤔, because while you're busy building walls against potential hypocrites, you might accidentally shut out the genuine people too.

I usually start off open, then pull back a bit, and 🤷
but at least I feel like I'm not losing anything meaningful along the way
because... well, how else are you supposed to learn? If you don't get burned once in a while, you'll never know.

Total trust takes forever to build, and even then, there's no guarantee they won't stab you in the back anyway.
And "secrets" aren't always huge things; it depends on what we're talking about. What's the point of having a reliable person if there's nothing to confide in? I won't go into specific examples.

There's also the possibility of simply not having secrets like that. 🙂

But it's not even necessarily about massive secrets; it's just those little details you don't want to broadcast to the whole world, you know? You share them with certain people just because it feels right. It's impossible not to have those moments.

Then... all that's left is to "train" yourself to handle those heavy hits—like getting stabbed in the back—with a bit more grace and less pain.

It’s entirely possible. There’s a massive difference between simply choosing not to share something and being deeply, fundamentally hurt when you eventually do. If you're feeling that level of pain, you can't just brush it off as "minor details I'd rather keep private." It clearly matters. And if it matters that much, you really have to be careful about who you trust. 🤷

Sandra Parker3 said:Nothing, really. Why bother?
You just have to work on yourself so the blow doesn't hurt quite as much. If you spend all your energy trying to find some foolproof way to spot them, you're just wasting time and strength, and honestly, it still hurts just as bad if not worse.

Basically, the only way out is to build up some kind of resilience.
I'm also not big on being overly cautious, maybe just a little 🤔, because while you're busy building walls against potential hypocrites, you might accidentally shut out the genuine people too.

I usually start off open, then pull back a bit, and 🤷
but at least I feel like I'm not losing anything meaningful along the way
because... well, how else are you supposed to learn? If you don't get burned once in a while, you'll never know.

Total trust takes forever to build, and even then, there's no guarantee they won't stab you in the back anyway.
And "secrets" aren't always huge things; it depends on what we're talking about. What's the point of having a reliable person if there's nothing to confide in? I won't go into specific examples.

There's also the possibility of simply not having secrets like that. 🙂

But it's not even necessarily about massive secrets; it's just those little details you don't want to broadcast to the whole world, you know? You share them with certain people just because it feels right. It's impossible not to have those moments.

Then... all that's left is to "train" yourself to handle those heavy hits—like getting stabbed in the back—with a bit more grace and less pain.

Exactly. You have to be incredibly careful about who you trust with information that could potentially be used against you. 😍

David Sanchez8 said:Exactly.

Hmm, that’s a tough spot. Honestly... once you get burned, you’re definitely going to be more careful next time. If a secret is the kind of thing you just can't let slip, you aren't going to tell anyone unless they've earned your "total" trust. And that kind of trust? It has to be earned through years of being reliable. 🤷

Then again, there's always the possibility that some people just don't have secrets like that. 🙂