I don't know, man... I headed out on my own when I was eighteen and just clicked with everything right away. Made friends, found my groove—I left because that's what I wanted to do, and honestly, it was awesome. So yeah, it didn't matter if it took me months to deal with the homesickness.
Every single time in my life that I’ve had to pack up and leave somewhere, it’s been rough. The first time? That lasted months. The second time? A few weeks. Now? It passes in a couple of days tops.
The only real difference is if you're leaving a place you actually hate, or if you just don't fit in there... then that's not even normal nostalgia. That's a different beast entirely, and it's worth sitting down and figuring out why that is.
It really all comes down to how heavy it hits you. Like, is this just some case of pure nostalgia, or is there actually some deep-seated issue buried under the surface that’s messing with your head? How much is it actually dragging you down during your day-to-day life? Either way, it’s totally normal...
Honestly, this sounds pretty interesting to me too, even if I totally get that living life with someone like that would be a whole different beast 😁.
Does that little world of yours actually make you happy? Like, besides the fact that you can't seem to keep a boyfriend, are you actually satisfied with how things are? Because from where I'm sitting, if you really are content, then maybe you just need to sit around waiting for "the one" to show up... which, let's be real, might never happen, leaving you stuck on your own.
The real question is, is there any chance you're actually going to change who you are at your core?
ironrider11 said:Look, it's not exactly easy to predict which career a kid will actually love and commit to for the rest of their life. But still... just imagine if we took all that money spent on fighter jets and other social nonsense and redirected it toward an educational system run by people who actually give a damn—psychologists, sociologists, etc.—who aren't just working for some massive corporate credit line. Imagine parents wanting actual training on how to raise kids, rather than just winging it, within a system that provides meaningful guidance. By the time these twenty-somethings hit that two-year mark after they can finally buy a beer, they might realize they weren't steered in the right direction. As for "fascism and totalitarianism"... maybe that's just the only rational fix for the whole "toxic parenting" mess caused by this broken idea of treating children like private property...
I don't know. Some of the best parents I've ever met are the ones who totally messed up at first. And quite often, the good parents are the young folks who don't make everything a huge drama and just live their lives. Then you have the ones who were completely overwhelmed, and suddenly, overnight, those spoiled brats turn into incredibly dedicated parents.
I mean, in some perfect, utopian world where everything is accounted for and things work exactly like you described... sure, maybe. But that’s never gonna happen.
On the flip side, birth rates are tanking everywhere across the globe, so maybe none of this will even matter in the long run 😁.
Honestly, when you look at those permits, it might look all fine and tidy on paper, but if you ask me? It’s a straight shot toward fascism and total authoritarianism. Plus, it’s not like we can just sit there and decide who qualifies as a "good" parent and who doesn't. That's just not how life works. Besides, one person could be an amazing parent to one kid and a complete disaster to another... for a million different reasons.
George Ward2 said:Hey everyone, I’m really hoping I can find someone here who might be able to offer some perspective or advice. So, my partner and I have been together for five years now, and we've been living together for about a year. We are truly in love and get along so well; he is such an incredible partner who helps me out with everything around the house, whether it's going for long walks or planning weekend trips, and I make sure to return the favor by handling the cooking and keeping our place tidy. We both have steady careers and aren't worried about money at all. The real issue is that I am genuinely terrified of motherhood, while he—though he hasn't said it directly yet—has been dropping hints that he wants kids someday, and since he's 38 and I'm 34, that "someday" feels like it needs to be right now or never. I worry that I just won't have the patience or the stamina required to raise a child, and honestly, the thought of a child potentially having developmental issues scares me deeply; plus, looking at the state of the world today, I wouldn't even want to be born in this era, let alone bring a new life into it. I know deep down he is the person I want to spend my life with because we are so happy together, but I think what we’re actually missing is honest, open communication, especially since in five years, we haven't even had a single real argument... I also catch myself wondering if he truly wants to be a father or if he just feels pressured to do so because of what his friends and neighbors are doing... He is also incredibly particular about how clean and organized our apartment stays, and I know that kind of lifestyle goes out the window once you have a kid, so I just don't want to go through with this unless I am absolutely certain I'm ready to be a mom.
Honestly, this whole setup doesn't sound even remotely healthy to me... it kind of rubs me the wrong way. Look, you can split chores however you want, fine, whatever, but those are just basic tasks that need getting done—they aren't some kind of "payment" for going on walks (unless we're talking about an unequal exchange of resources, maybe). And I seriously can't stand the word "helping" when it comes to your own damn house... you live there, you're an adult. Plus, how do you even "return the favor" if he's already doing things for you? The math just isn't mathing here.
Maybe the real issue is that you don't actually feel safe or relaxed around him? Like, you can't just be yourself? You know, messy, or cranky, or whatever else...
(Not that you should be like that 24/7, or stop trying to be a decent, organized human being, but everyone has their off days...)
Forget all that noise, because parenting is one of those irreversible life choices that hits both people involved. Most other decisions you can pretty much "fix" later on, but this? This is heavy.
On the flip side, since nobody’s got a crystal ball, there's really no point in making everything out to be some massive tragedy. If you spend all your time overthinking every little thing, you’ll never know how it actually plays out. Maybe the kid gets sick, maybe you get sick, maybe everyone stays healthy and you guys just click perfectly... it's all just "maybe, maybe, maybe"...
For me, when I first realized I was pregnant, my brain didn't go to "oh no, what about me" or "how do I get rid of this burden." My head immediately started spinning through scenarios about *us*—about how I'd handle things with the baby (I was single and unemployed at the time, so yeah, things were messy). As soon as I noticed my thoughts weren't spiraling into self-pity, but were instead focused on tackling the challenge... I knew I was ready. So far, it's worked out great, though I guess anything could have happened...
I honestly don't even know what kind of advice to give you, but I can tell you what happened in my life.
I never wanted kids—and yeah, I totally get why you feel the way you do, plus a million other reasons too—but then one day things just happened, and I decided to keep the baby (mostly because it felt like the right call for me at that exact moment), and looking back, it turned out great... though obviously, it could have gone a different way. Maybe it’s because I spent so much time imagining nothing but worst-case scenarios that I didn't go in with crazy high expectations, who knows 🤷.
Pregnancy was awesome, that first year with the baby was great, I had a few drinks here and there 😬 during those post-baby years 😁, but I haven't turned out to be some terrible mom (I hope!) and the whole thing hasn't been some massive nightmare either—especially now that they're older, actually. It's been fine.
On the flip side, I still wouldn't make a conscious choice to have a kid, even after this beautiful experience. To me, the responsibility and the sheer risk involved feel way too huge to jump into on purpose. So, sorry, I know I'm not really helping much here 🤣.
Just try to look inward and figure out what's actually eating at you. Is it that you don't want kids at all? Or maybe you *do* want them, but you're just spiraling over how everything will actually look? Whatever it is, don't let anyone talk you into something you don't actually want to do. That's a fast track to misery.
I gotta say, the whole "we have a good relationship" thing doesn't really sit right with me when you follow it up by saying you guys don't talk openly. Have you actually talked about kids? Have you laid out all your fears to him? Or maybe deep down you know things aren't quite as perfect as you're making them sound? These doubts you have about his motives... they don't sound great to me either.
As for the cleanliness stuff and having a kid—why would he suddenly stop caring about being clean? Unless he's just a total neat freak who doesn't want a pharmacy's worth of supplies cluttering up the house. Ever since my kid started playing with toys, they tidy up their own stuff every single night. We sweep together. Our house stays clean and organized.
Jamie Adams6 said:If you can't make a choice, sure. But honestly? This feels like that argument about how arranged marriages are actually more stable and better than modern ones—which, let's be real, just fall apart left and right.
If that's how it went for you, well, whatever. For me, having options definitely hasn't caused any misery—nor is that some universal truth.
I think we totally misread each other...
It’s not even just about my own experience—though, honestly, I choose that kind of vibe because it actually makes me happy, so that's my reality... but it’s what the actual studies show too. It's that whole "paradox of choice" thing...
Honestly, I’d take having actual choices any day of the week... I have zero desire to go back to how things used to be. You know exactly what I mean—it's thanks to having options that I can actually shape my life to fit how I want to live... 😉.
fadedrider17, look, I’ve spent some time hanging out at squats and drifting through various alternative communities, but mostly just as a visitor. Most of those communes have this whole "philosophy" and way of making decisions that’s just... way too much work for me. Too many meetings, too much involvement. Not my vibe. So instead, I try to build connections in more traditional settings—like, you know, normal neighborhoods. I actually really loved the roommate dynamic and being tight with my neighbors at my last place.
Honestly, you can just start your own little thing in your own neighborhood where people actually help each other out and hang out. You don't need a manifesto for that.
As for growing up... I mean, sure, you can act like a kid sometimes, why not? But I don't even bother hanging out with people who aren't on my wavelength (probably because they don't have the time 😬). Giving up on being myself was never an option for me. I don't know how other people deal with it, but I just don't have much in common with them.
Jamie Adams6, everyone knows that having too many choices often brings more misery than happiness. I grew up in a tiny town, and later lived in some really small rural areas, and I always felt great there... maybe specifically because you're forced to accept the people around you.
I remember reading some study once about how students at smaller universities and in smaller towns tend to be happier. Even though—or maybe because of—they don't have as many options when it comes to social circles or activities and stuff. Their friendships were deeper, and they seemed more satisfied with life. It totally lines up with what I've experienced.
Yeah, let’s be real—modern society basically makes zero effort to force us to actually connect or build any real social skills. It’s all just isolation by design. But on the flip side, plenty of people are waking up to this crap, and honestly, most people have the power to push back against it if they actually try (which some are definitely doing). There are totally different ways to live out there. We're talking everything from classic intentional communities to just living a "normal" life where you actually bother being a good neighbor and building a sense of community... plus there are those local co-ops and groups where people actually step up to help each other out and share resources instead of hoarding everything...
I'd argue that feeling alienated is mostly a choice. Sure, maybe it's the easy way out—taking the path of least resistance, which is why it's so common—but still, the alternatives are right there. And people are out there actually living them.
Karen Cook6 said:I suppose we should start by acknowledging that there isn't much to go on here, which I guess is somewhat typical for these kinds of discussions, isn't it? It feels like we're staring at a blank canvas, though perhaps that’s just my way of being overly cautious. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but I can't help but feel that without a bit more substance, we're all just spinning our wheels in the mud. Still, I'll follow along, if only to see where this might eventually lead.
You’re at that stage in life where you're expected to have a partner, kids, and be balancing family life alongside your career. That’s just how people tend to function during your age group.
Who says?
Anyway, I stay in touch with a lot of my Workawayers, even if it's just every once in a while. Obviously, you can't be "best friends" the way you are with someone living right next door, but at the very least, we shared some real close moments while they were staying with me (and that meant the world to me because I was home alone with a baby and barely left the house). You can really feel that connection in the way you talk afterward, no matter how rare the check-ins are...
The thing is, you have to actually make an effort to meet people in your day-to-day life. Good vibes with neighbors, grabbing a coffee at the local diner and chatting with the barista and the regulars, joining a club... whatever. Because there's a difference between true, deep friendships (the kind that last regardless of distance or how often you talk) and just that basic human need to share your daily grind with someone else. Sometimes those things align, but not always. Especially for nomads...
(I used to host Couchsurfers back when I lived in the middle of nowhere, too—it was such a cool window into different worlds and a total mind-opener. I only used the service myself once or twice, and it was awesome. Instead of just being a generic tourist, I got to see the hidden gems I never would've found without a local 😍. To be honest, I don't talk to those people anymore, but all of it was such a valuable and beautiful experience.)
I don't know, man... were people just more sensitive back in the day? They weren't out here leaving toxic comments on the internet, sure, but they were definitely watching true crime documentaries or some grisly reenactments instead of sitting through ninety minutes of soccer matches. And people used to be way better to kids, especially to little ones... I mean, look, people are people. Circumstances shift, so how everyone reacts shifts too. But honestly? It’s nothing we haven't seen before...
I’m convinced today’s society is basically rigged to kill off any real communication. Back in the day, you actually had to get out there just to pay a bill or deal with life, but now? You can pretty much exist without ever stepping foot outside your front door. Basically, necessity isn't forcing us to talk to anyone anymore.
So, how do you find that balance? Honestly, you just have to go looking for it 😬. It’s about not getting so stuck in your own head—shifting from "me" to "us." Organize a hangout, actually invite your friends over, be decent and chat with your neighbor, turn off the damn TV, and actually get involved in something. Ask for help, offer a hand...
Maybe I just got lucky, but I’ve never really struggled with this whole alienation thing. People around me actually show up for each other—whether it’s helping build something or hauling wood. We hang out, cook together, grab drinks, take trips together... and yeah, sure, we argue sometimes too. It’s the same here in America as it was in other places across Europe where I’ve lived.
Thomas Nelson25 said:Maybe they were just testing the guy out, and he immediately jumped to thinking they were hitting on him. Basically, his ego gets a boost (because let’s be real, would he think anything else?), but then he tells you they're being difficult—which could just be because they're annoying him. Typical guy move.
Or hey, maybe he actually tried something and they blew him off, so now he's just looking for payback. Could totally be that...
amberviper70 said:How long until an ex stops being an ex? 🤔
Seriously though, how many years have to pass before an ex becomes... slightly less of an ex?
I’m dying to know this too. I get that you need a breather, but if this "rule" actually existed, everyone in my small town would’ve been living like monks for the last 15 years.
The only guy I actually know who ended a friendship over this was some dude who dumped his girl after cheating on her—which, honestly, was his move with every single girl he ever dated. Fast forward at least a year, and when his buddy told him he was finally seeing her, the guy absolutely lost it. I don't even know what to say about that one...
sense said:I just can't get behind this, especially looking back at it now. The women doing this stuff back then? They’re still doing it today. Most of them aren't actually trying to fix their insecurities or their massive egos... they're just looking for validation. It’s like a rush for them to see if they can pull any guy, even if it means messing with a friend's husband or boyfriend. I don't have friends like that personally, but I definitely know people who do.
But in the specific cases I'm talking about, we're dealing with an ex. So, nobody is "stealing" anyone.
I totally get what you're getting at, and honestly, the girl who snatched my boyfriend away (what a stupid way to put it) was kind of that type—even though you two actually look great together, she always had this habit of being a total gossip despite having some good qualities. But the other woman I mentioned in the post you're quoting is the complete opposite. She's blunt, tells it like it is, and is just incredibly self-assured; she doesn't need constant attention because, frankly, almost everyone finds her attractive. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't even dream of messing with my man unless she fell head over heels for him. Anyway, she and my guy absolutely despise each other, so there's zero chance 🤣.
Kids are never just carbon copies of their parents, even if they look a lot alike sometimes. And honestly? They don't have to be. It’s not that simple... If it actually worked that way, raising a kid would be a breeze—you'd just follow some basic blueprint or template and call it a day. But it doesn't work like that. It's never that easy.
ruggedscout76 said:To pivot the conversation slightly...
Your post brought to mind a rather eye-opening moment with my little one back when he was about four years old and going through a phase where he seemed entirely indifferent to anything I said. I would ask a question, and there would be silence. I would make a comment, and nothing. It felt as though I were speaking into a void. I found myself raising my voice and repeating questions a hundred times, until one day I decided that from then on, whenever I asked a question and received no response, I would say "beep"—a little auditory cue to remind him that I was actually addressing him.
So, he would be playing, I would ask something, he would give me nothing, I would say "beep," and then he would answer my question—meaning he had actually heard me, which was a clever little workaround. 🤣 It worked quite beautifully until, naturally, he being a child, started saying "beep" to me. 🐔
While I am busy preparing dinner, he will shout, "Mom, look at this!" or "Mom, look at that!" and anyone who has ever parented knows it is physically impossible to witness everything a child thinks is vital; even all the hours in the world wouldn't be enough. 🕺 Then he says, "beep." I just stare at him, bewildered, and he tells me, "Well, you aren't listening to me."
And truth be told, he was right. 🙂 Regardless of whether it felt particularly urgent to me to notice a tiny spider near the window while my rice was boiling over, it was important to him, and I had ignored him. In the same way, he doesn't view my adult questions as significant, so he ignores them because he is preoccupied with what matters to him: his play.
When I finally realized how many of those "beeps" occurred throughout the day, I was somewhat taken aback. 😲
That whole "beep" phase and game did wonders for our relationship, on both sides. 🕺
Since then, we often engage in similar things—establishing rules or games that apply equally to both of us. I have learned an immense amount from this, and I would venture to say he has learned just as much, if not more.
Man, this example really hits home. It’s like a wake-up call... made me realize just how many stupid-ass ultimatums I end up throwing out there whenever I'm feeling uninspired and he starts pushing his 🙏 on me.