Posts by Jonathan Fowler14

Nicholas Bailey3 said:Look, these questions aren't actually that weird given the stigma surrounding the {{hobby}}. It went from being seen as something only kids and losers did, to suddenly being viewed as a bunch of misogynistic, racist thugs.

Not exactly a win-win.
But still, I support surveys like this if they actually help dismantle those stereotypes.

Actually, it's quite the opposite; it just highlights them more.

Just some thoughts.. 👎 I’m no survey expert, but these feel incredibly biased. I don't get where they even pulled these questions from, or why they’re targeting women specifically?

When playing video games, women need help from men.
????????????????
Wait, men don't need help? Or why wouldn't women need help? Why does gender even matter here?
It's not about gender; it's just about gaming experience and knowing certain genres.

Female gamers can't maintain romantic relationships.
????????????????
A hobby is the reason someone can't stay in a relationship? Okay..

Female gamers aren't in serious/long-term relationships or marriages.
???????????????? 🤣🤣 What kind of trolling is this?

Women are much less successful in competitive video games than men.
That’s just a fact, though I don't see why it belongs in a survey. Just look at any random competitive scene; the ratio of women to men is laughable.

I wanted to finish it, but there were so many stupid assumptions that I couldn't even make it through the whole thing.

If someone says they have absolutely zero doubts or fears about becoming a parent, something might be a little off. It’s completely normal to feel uncertain when facing such a massive life decision.

I had my own doubts from the moment I realized I wanted kids, especially since I was once dead set against having them. I didn't want to repeat the patterns I saw with my own parents or their predecessors.

Eventually, I realized I wasn't like them at all—actually, it's the opposite. I worry too much and care far too deeply.🕺 I guess after generations of family baggage, someone eventually breaks the cycle, one way or another.

The desire to leave something behind—both emotionally and through everything I build in my lifetime—has become bigger than the fear of "what if I fail as a parent?" I might not get everything right, but I'm going to give it my all. After all, what's the point of working hard, growing, building a home, and maturing if it all just vanishes when you pass away without anyone to pass it on to?

Just to add:

I’ve had deep, lifelong friendships since childhood, though most fizzled out after high school when I moved to Germany. That said, I wouldn't say I have unrealistic expectations or demand too much. Actually, it's quite the opposite—I'm looking for the bare minimum. I clearly understand the difference between an acquaintance, a friend, and a close friend. Honestly, I struggle to even move past the acquaintance stage because people find it so hard to just grab a coffee, let alone commit to actual activities—even when they claim that's their hobby or something they want to try. And keeping those connections going? Man, that's a total lottery.

Did you even read my part about how people constantly cancel plans at the last minute and act totally unreliable? They claim they're "looking for friends," yet they can't even show up to a scheduled meetup or coordinate a simple 🤣🤣

I matched with a girl on Bumble who had similar interests and lived nearby. We messaged for a bit, and I suggested we meet up. She told me she didn't have any free time for the entire following week. I honestly don't get her logic. What is she doing all day, every single day?
- Working.
- Every day, at 4 PM?
- Nooo, I work at 3 PM every day. I don't have a day off.
🤣 🤣
So, explain this to me: if you truly have no time—which I highly doubt—why are you even on a dating app if your goal isn't to actually make time to meet people in person?

And it's almost always the same type of profile—unreliable people who move states as often as they change socks, have no family ties, are obsessed with their careers, or have absolutely no clue what they're doing with their lives and zero friends. Or they move in with a boyfriend who already has his own social circle, so to avoid being stuck at home, they go out once every three months with a group of girls just so they can post it on Instagram and feel better while their partner is out

or

they just went through a breakup and realized how messy things are being alone, so they're just looking for some quick distraction to entertain them until they find the next guy.

I think I opened a thread about this not too long ago.

Karen Cook6 said:Is it possible that you’re perhaps expecting a bit too much from your friends? I mean, I don't want to sound like I'm lecturing here, but I guess there might be some truth to the idea that we sometimes hold our inner circle to an impossibly high standard. Maybe we assume they should instinctively know what we need without us saying a word, which, let's be honest, is probably asking for a miracle most of the time. It's a delicate balance, I suppose—trying to find that sweet spot between having people you can actually rely on and expecting them to be mind readers or saint-like figures who never have a bad day themselves. ☕
I suspect the issue might actually lie with you, personally; I get the feeling that if you were to dive headfirst into everything with everyone right away, it would probably become rather exhausting for everyone involved. At least, that’s how it strikes me, though I certainly wouldn't go so far as to claim I'm absolutely right.

Is it really asking too much for someone to stick to their word?
Like, if they have other plans, couldn't they just let me know in a timely manner?
Or for them to be decent and respectful of my time and money spent traveling to meet up?
How about actually talking when we hang out instead of everyone staring at their phones?
And meeting up because we genuinely want to see each other, not just for an Instagram photo op?

Are those really "too much" to ask? 😵

What are your expectations for friends? How would you distinguish between high and low expectations?

What’s your take on why friendship and socializing end up so low on the priority list for people who aren't single, don't have kids, and aren't chasing a career?

Because, honestly, those are the exact types of people who have most often let me down.

Karen Cook6 said:

Jonathan Fowler14 I suppose I should probably mention that jadeowl2 was saying:
Well, I suppose I should just head out right this second, find myself a life partner, and start building a family, since apparently that’s just what one is expected to do nowadays—and it all sounds so incredibly simple, doesn't it?
Let’s just set aside the whole idea that finding a partner isn't exactly a walk in the park, or the notion that building a family requires some semblance of stability—be it emotional or financial. Personally, I don't possess any of that, nor am I particularly interested in rushing into the whole child-rearing business when my life currently lacks the necessary foundation to even consider it. And we certainly won't be entertaining the possibility that I might simply have no desire for children, or perhaps find myself unable to have them.

And I suppose you're suggesting that I’m the one sitting here playing judge and jury, deciding exactly what everyone should be doing and when they ought to be doing it? I mean, honestly, where on earth does it say in some grand, universal rulebook that these specific requirements must be met at such a precise age? I guess I'm just curious to know which authority you think is dictating these arbitrary timelines.
I suppose there’s no point in pretending that anything truly matters in the grand scheme of things; at the end of the day, we’re all just working ourselves into an early grave anyway. 🙂

Did I ever actually state that something was mandatory? I don't believe I did, though I suppose one could interpret my previous rambling in a dozen different ways if they were looking for a reason to be indignant. 😁
I suppose I was just pointing out that you’re currently in those seasons of life where work and family tend to take center stage. When you're juggling a career and raising kids, it’s not always feasible to be out and about every single day hanging out with people or hitting up various activities; your primary devotion usually goes to your spouse, your children, and your job. Everything else—well, everything else sort of happens whenever there's actually a spare moment to breathe.
I mean, isn't that just a little bit strange? I suppose it feels somewhat off, doesn't it?

It’s not even as if I’m particularly interested in whether you have a partner or how your bank account is looking—honestly, who actually cares about that? I suppose it just feels like you’re being excessively negative regarding those topics, which, if I’m being perfectly candid, comes across as incredibly off-putting and, frankly, just exhausting to deal with.

You subtly implied that I should start a family at my age because "that's what everyone does," which had nothing to do with what I actually wrote. How is that helpful? That was literally your very first sentence.

Sure, people start families in their twenties—no need for the "haha" moment—but what does that have to do with the fact that single girls with zero commitments are canceling plans on me with stupid excuses, or hanging out for purely superficial reasons and showing zero respect for people's time? Besides, since when is having a partner and kids a valid excuse to be rude to people and neglect your friends? Don't people in marriages with kids need friends too?

I've talked to two other women my age who became young moms, and we always grab coffee occasionally, and they never flake on me with lame excuses—if I'm even going to compare them to these fake people. We just didn't have deep enough interests for it to turn into a heavy friendship, and that's perfectly fine.

If I seem negative, it's only because your response was arrogant and pointless, and it doesn't help anyone.

Karen Cook6 said:I suppose we should start by acknowledging that there isn't much to go on here, which I guess is somewhat typical for these kinds of discussions, isn't it? It feels like we're staring at a blank canvas, though perhaps that’s just my way of being overly cautious. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but I can't help but feel that without a bit more substance, we're all just spinning our wheels in the mud. Still, I'll follow along, if only to see where this might eventually lead.

You’re at that stage in life where you're expected to have a partner, kids, and be balancing family life alongside your career.
That’s just how people tend to function during your age group.

I'm heading out right now to find a partner and start building a family, since that’s what needs to happen these days—and honestly, it's pretty straightforward.
Let’s set aside the idea that finding a partner isn't just something that happens by chance, or that starting a family requires a certain level of emotional or financial stability. I don't have either of those things right now, nor am I looking to rush into having kids when my life isn't set up for it. We should also leave out the possibility that I might simply not want children or be unable to have them.

And who exactly gets to decide that for someone else? Where does it say those rules have to be followed or what needs to happen in any given year?
Nothing is required of us except to eventually pass away. 🙂

fadedrider17 said:Hey everyone, thanks for the replies—especially 👍 Jonathan Fowler14. I’ll probably circle back to her points a few times, but for now, here is my take:

The whole concept of "instant friendships" really grinds my gears too—it’s a massive issue that I just can't seem to get past, especially when it comes to international connections. Even though I consider myself an "extrovert," this dynamic hits me harder than most. Take my experience with Couchsurfing, for example. Even though I haven't hosted anyone at my place yet, there have been plenty of times where I’ve befriended travelers and invited them to hang out for a day or more depending on how close they were. These people—and many others—always seem to be looking for "acquaintances"—and I’m using those quotes intentionally—because in 99% of cases, it all boils down to one thing: a shallow, instant encounter. Everything is pleasant enough in the short term, but actually building a deep, lasting connection? Practically impossible. It makes me wonder what things are like in the West, and reading Jonathan Fowler14's post, it seems the situation is much the same.

Here’s another instance: I spent a month staying with a family in Germany through a different platform, Workaway. Everything was fantastic; the people felt genuine and didn't fit that standardized, superficial mold we see so often regarding the topics we're discussing here. Yet, even though we were hundreds or thousands of miles apart, the contact inevitably fizzled out. No follow-up messages, nothing. I’ll be the first to reach out on New Year's Day, ask how they are, or try to spark some kind of continued rapport—but the responses are almost always cliché. Consequently, I end up losing the will to be the one constantly reaching out first—I refuse to look like some kind of idiot.

With international friends, it’s the exact same story: you simply cannot sustain a long-term relationship. Clearly, I’m not the only one feeling this.

As for people in my own neck of the woods, I just can't find anyone compatible. So many have moved away, changed their values, or gotten married and shifted their mindsets entirely. Most of them are just small-minded locals who likely view me as a freak because I actually care about art and healthy living. To make matters worse, they constantly judge me based on my father—throwing out those condescending questions like, "Whose kid are you anyway?"—and then they let their opinion of me be dictated by whatever bias they hold toward him.

Like Jonathan Fowler14 wrote... eventually, you start learning to enjoy your own company. I do a lot of things solo, but humans are social creatures, aren't they? I know that when I finally stumble upon a kindred spirit, I truly flourish because we can actually engage in a meaningful conversation about the same topic. I miss those moments in life, but then again, if we're stuck in this loop where you can't even establish or maintain a circle because people are just fundamentally broken, then what is the point?

On top of that, I also struggle with the fact that there always seems to be someone "more important" in any group I hang out with—honestly, that's been a historical constant. It's very similar to what Jonathan Fowler14 mentioned. You're all hanging out, everything is great, and then you hear that Person X called Person Y to grab a drink or go on a trip without you. It's just lame.

Honestly, I’m not surprised about the whole Couchsurfing thing. It seems like people just want to find a free place to crash. Traveling is such a huge trend now, whether you have the budget for it or not. I was actually part of this group for women travelers where we were supposed to coordinate trips, but it basically turned into everyone just asking for free stays or money because someone else "covered" their credit card. 🤣🤣🤣
Imagine asking someone to host you for your vacation because you just have to make it happen. Time to get some mental rest. Somewhere in the States. 186 miles And then you realize you don't even have enough money for a place to stay. 🙏

You're definitely not alone there. It's really a double-edged sword—on one hand, you have that instant bond since you're both new to the area, but on the other, there's a higher chance of moving again because those old barriers aren't holding you back anymore.
We really need to find some locals and people who have truly settled in deep, haha. I don't see any other way around it! 🤣

Of course we’re social creatures and need that connection with others, but honestly, if nobody wants to hang out, you just have to focus on yourself. You can't exactly force people to go grab pizza or catch a movie with you. 😁
If I had waited all year just to find a travel partner, I would have missed out on so much. In the end, I just planned everything myself, hit the road, and figured it all out—it was absolutely wonderful. It would have been lovely to share those moments with someone else, but when you're on your own, you just have to embrace it and enjoy the ride.

Quote : art with Heart

fadedrider17 said:I’ve been chewing on how to even kick this thread off—it’s been sitting in the back of my mind for days now—and I finally landed on the word "acclimatize." It makes me sound like some sort of houseplant, I suppose, but if I stick with it, I can actually articulate the specific frustration eating at me.

I am certainly not the first person, nor will I be the last, to walk around with this nagging sensation that I was born in all the wrong decades. It’s become a bit of a cliché, really—you hear it constantly: "Man, I should have lived in the '80s," or some other variation of that sentiment.

My mind keeps drifting back to these snapshots from my childhood—watching neighbors who were much older than me, probably in their 20s or 30s, just hanging out casually in front of someone's house. Men and women, just talking about absolutely everything without a care in the world, spending time outdoors completely untouched by the intrusion of technology. I’m likely romanticizing it—after all, those people probably hadn't yet hit the heavy responsibilities of parenthood or high-stakes careers—but still, why is it impossible to socialize like that anymore? Is "being too busy" actually a valid excuse?

It feels like everyone is perpetually suspicious of one another lately; there's this sense that nobody truly needs anyone else anymore. This alienation has become so pervasive you could practically cut it with a knife. In the midst of all this, I find myself—living out in a rural area where my interests are diametrically opposed to the local youth—just lying there in front of the TV, blasting '80s hits or watching old movies, thinking, "What the hell am I even doing here?" Everything felt healthier then—human connections seemed more relaxed, more organic. I'm not saying every era was perfect—wars and chaos happen regardless—but I'm talking about the fabric of our social lives, the way we interact with those closest to us.

Look, I get it—every era has its own set of problems—but I want to know if anyone has an answer to this: how do we combat this modern plague of isolation? Is the solution to move to some Western country where the disconnection is even deeper? Is running away even a viable option?

Then there’s the secondary issue: going out and actually meeting people. Where are you supposed to meet someone meaningful in your 30s? Everywhere I go, it's just kids in bars or clubs—the exact same type of person I used to be.

Regarding this whole mess, I recently spoke with an adventurer who has traveled extensively, and when I asked for his advice, he gave me a rather blunt, interesting response: "Listen, people are people everywhere." Though, he did single out Georgia as a place where he experienced the most genuine warmth from strangers, even in some remote little village.

Anyway, I’ve rambled quite a bit, and I’m still not entirely sure if I’ve captured everything I intended to say. What’s your take? How do we maintain a healthy balance between being content in our own company and actually coexisting with the rest of society?

You eventually get used to it. Looking back, the life I have now in my mid-20s would have been totally unimaginable to me when I was just a kid in high school. Back then, I was incredibly social—always had a million different things going on and a group of friends ready for every single activity.
Back in my school days, I used to hang out with a few kids from other grades during recess, or sometimes a small group of us from different classes would all gather together.
I used to take dance classes, which was a great way to stay active and build a solid circle of friends to hang out and work out with.
I used to play video games all the time, and I had a huge group of online friends and a solid crew I’d hang out with regularly.
The group that was mostly just about going out.
The old school crew getting together for coffee after class, studying, and all that.
Things have always been easy for me to sort out. I’m pretty straightforward by nature, and I just don't have the patience for any nonsense or lame excuses.

I can't remember the last time I felt truly lonely or like I didn't have someone by my side. It makes such a difference—on my good days, I have someone to share the joy with, and on my bad days, there's always a shoulder to lean on.

I’ve already started feeling the shift since starting college and moving to Washington, D.C. Even though I'm an open person and genuinely interested in getting to know people, I haven't quite clicked with my immediate group, and I haven't found that specific circle where I can truly be myself. Looking back, maybe it's just the vibe of the city—I seem to get along much better with the students who moved here from smaller towns, though they're definitely in the minority.

At my jobs, the teams have always been established groups that already know each other, so I often get that feeling like I’m not fully accepted for who I am.
I've been involved in quite a few volunteer projects myself, and it’s always the same story. I just don't click with large groups; it usually boils down to surface-level small talk while we're working together. Once the job is done, nobody seems to have the time or the interest to hang out anymore—everyone already has their own established circles and friend groups.

I moved to a smaller town in Germany recently. It’s actually full of expats, so there are plenty of people who feel exactly like I do—everyone is looking for their tribe, but nobody seems willing to fully commit to an individual or a group.

I only have one close friend I grab coffee with to catch up. I haven't really managed to build any long-term friendships from my classes or my job. One group was actually really nice, but they weren't exactly the type to hang out or do things together, so I wouldn't even call it a true friendship. At my last school, people were just so antisocial and disinterested. Only one girl there was truly great; we had such a similar vibe and she was so easy to talk to. It’s ironic because my German isn't the best, yet we understood each other perfectly. Ultimately, though, she has her family and comes from a completely different background, so keeping in touch became difficult.

I had this group that was such a blast at first, but it only lasted a few months before everyone just stopped showing up. We all met spontaneously through a Facebook group; there are quite a few community groups out there for expats.

I’ve come to realize that a lot of these women are just struggling in their own way. It seems like many are overly focused on feminism, or they're feeling unfulfilled in their 30s—lacking family or kids, and either obsessing over their careers or feeling totally lost about who they actually are. They tend to drift from one thing to the next, moving between guys and social circles without ever really settling down. There's always this constant search for something better or more "ideal," as if no one is ever quite good enough. Even friendships feel a bit superficial; it often looks like they’re just looking for the right group to pose with for social media, trying to look social just to appeal to men.

It was a real eye-opener meeting this woman. She looks incredible—easily pushing 40, but you’d swear she was fifteen years younger. She’s got a high-powered career, a massive place, lives solo, no kids, and has never been married, yet she seems profoundly unhappy and depressed. She moved to Canada once, only to end up back in Germany. Even after a year there, she hasn't made an effort to learn a single word of German, then wonders why she can't fit in at work. She just doesn't stay anywhere for long; she refuses to commit to a place or a person. She's cycled through countless relationships and different countries.

I'm done trying to hang out with her. Last time, she texted me two hours late saying she completely forgot we had plans.
Then there was another girl from that group who invited me to a party, only to "forget" to mention she was actually going to a different one with a different crowd. She wouldn't have said a word unless I asked where we were meeting the day before.

Honestly, none of them were really sincere. They all had these ridiculous excuses or just showed zero interest in being a good friend. Between people being glued to their phones or someone deciding to suddenly look for friends right after a breakup... man, I could go on all day.

Over time, I’ve just started focusing on my own interests. I spend an incredible amount of time by myself now—listening to podcasts, reading, gaming, learning how to code, hitting the gym, doing puzzles, and drawing.
If things had been different, I probably would have been doing all this stuff with a group of friends back when I was sixteen.

Money is tight right now, but once I'm back on my feet, I definitely want to sign up for dance classes or join a club. I’m also looking into starting another course or heading back to school—who knows, maybe I'll have better luck this time. It's just hard to justify spending money on gas and tickets when everything is so expensive, especially if it just ends with hanging out with the kind of people I described earlier.

I don't think this whole culture of social consumerism is going to change; if anything, it'll get worse. People are becoming more isolated and retreating into themselves. That's exactly what I've started doing, even though I used to be a total extrovert with tons of different friend groups.

Robert Gray3 said:Hey... I posted on this thread a few months back. Starting a new one because I haven't seen any recent discussions about eating disorders—specifically bulimia.

So, I went looking for professional help today regarding the bulimia. Since I’m already on antidepressants for depression (which is actually stable right now, but then the bulimia kicked in), my doctor bumped up my dosage. He claims it'll help curb the urge to purge. Does anyone know if antidepressants actually help even a little bit with bulimia?

The other thing on my mind... assuming the meds do provide some relief, has anyone actually managed to pull themselves out of this on their own? My doctor is insisting on formal treatment, which involves an intensive outpatient program where I'd be in a clinic for 8 hours every single day. That basically means taking medical leave. How am I supposed to handle that at work? There's no way I'm telling my boss I need sick leave because of bulimia.
Plus, there’s a chance I might switch to a better job soon, so how do you even take immediate medical leave at a brand-new gig? I know everyone's gonna say "health comes first," but is there seriously no alternative to these all-day group therapy sessions? I asked my doctor, and he just said no.

From what I understand, you aren't required to disclose the reason for your medical leave, and your employer isn't legally allowed to ask. You just provide the doctor's note stating the dates you'll be out for treatment, and that's it.
Health really is the priority here. Grinding through an 8-to-4 schedule for a private company isn't worth delaying treatment for a serious illness.

I’m heading into the new year feeling proud, lucky, and really confident.

My goal was to travel solo through two different countries, but I actually ended up getting to spontaneously visit a few more along the way! 🎉

I’ve been busy refreshing old connections, cutting out the toxic people, and making some great new friends.
I even managed to build one really solid, genuine friendship. 🤣

I also set out to pass my Spanish certification. To my surprise, I passed on the first try with a great score, even though I wasn't totally happy with how the course went. There's still plenty to learn, but at least I have the certificate in hand after all that hard work, so I can keep moving forward.

I managed to stick it out at my job for over a year, but I finally put in my notice recently. My boss turned out to be a total jerk, which I already suspected, but the breaking point was the blatant disregard for my contract and hours. They also refused to move me to a better position—even though my managers, coworkers, and performance metrics were all on my side—or accommodate me for health reasons during the winter months. That was the last straw; I said "bye bye" and moved on.

Finally, I’ve started taking programming seriously since that's where I want my career to go. I’ve successfully stuck to a self-study routine for over a month straight, which is a huge win for me. 🤣

I’ve already got my sights set on the new year, focusing on just three main things.
1. Finishing up another language course.
2. Keeping up the momentum with my coding studies.
3. Finding a new job where I can communicate more and practice my language skills.

+ I’d love to hit up a few more countries if the opportunity pops up.
+ I'm not too worried about the job hunt; I have a couple of leads already, I just need to wait a month or two for the paperwork to clear.

I cannot wait for 2024! 🎉🎉

It’s been 11 days since I started this thread. I'm still going strong! 🤣🤣

I’ve noticed two specific things that really help me stay focused on my tasks or just get the ball rolling on studying.

If I wake up and immediately dive into things I actually enjoy—like gaming, YouTube, or bingeing Netflix—it becomes so much harder to force myself to work later. If I jump straight into my responsibilities first thing in the morning, my brain doesn't fight me nearly as much. Plus, there’s no lingering guilt or pressure because I don't have time to overthink it; I just start. There’s some theory about serotonin... basically, if you indulge too much in instant gratification, you become addicted to that hit, and your brain starts avoiding anything that isn't immediately fun. And let's face it, the entertainment industry is everywhere today—Netflix, YouTube, video games, social media... everything is designed to give you that quick dopamine boost.

I also remember reading about this technique in a book... where you're lying in bed, stalling, and you just decide to stop thinking and count down from ten, and once you hit zero, you have to get up. The more we dwell on starting something, the more excuses our brain finds to talk us out of it. So, the best move is to skip that mental loop entirely. Honestly, sometimes the hardest part is just the initial momentum.

I’ve started working on a personal project. I have a rough outline of what needs to be done, but some tasks take five minutes while others take two full days. Because of that, I stopped trying to estimate how long things take; I just focus on making progress every single day. It’s a pretty creative process, and since I'm still learning certain skills, things go from lightning-fast to painfully slow. For example, I spent all day yesterday just trying to animate some text so it wraps to the next line exactly where I want it to 🤣 As I mentioned, strict planning and scheduling actually backfire for me. If things don't go according to plan, I feel terrible, and that makes it impossible to get anything done.

And oh, music. It’s definitely better when I have my headphones on and can block out everything else. I can't quite explain why, but having that background noise helps my brain lock into what I'm doing. It’s almost like my subconscious is fighting against the sound, which forces me to focus even harder on the task at hand. I don't know, I can't really put my finger on 🙏 I realized this back in high school and used it constantly through college. My roommates used to think it was totally bizarre that I could study like that; they thought it was weird.😁

Growing up, I was definitely one of those bookworms who lived in libraries from elementary school onward...

Back then, I’d head to the library every single week just to rack up some "points" by turning in well-written excerpts 🤣🙏

My opinion on the reading is a bit split. We really need to find a middle ground. Mixing the classics with contemporary hits would create a better balance, adding a modern touch that actually resonates with today's kids. For instance, I struggled so much with Dubravka; even as a straight-A student who felt pressured to know everything, I found it hard to digest and pull out "smart" passages, let alone an average kid who couldn't care less. We were lucky we only had to read a few pages to compare them..
If they offered a choice—maybe picking a few classics alongside some modern titles—it might help. I think the biggest issue is the selection itself. People need to read, but if you give them a sense of agency... maybe they won't view reading as such a chore.

Ideally, reading should be both fun and educational for young people. One of my favorite books, which also happened to be my first big assignment in elementary school, was *Good Day*. I still remember it vividly because the story was lighthearted and had such a lovely ending. And mind you, it wasn't some dusty relic from the 1600s 🤣

It’s nothing groundbreaking to say that the more we read, the faster we process information, the more we think, and the more creative we become. But we need to actually encourage kids and draw them into that world; not everyone is naturally wired for it. For me, Harry Potter was the gateway. Honestly, I probably never would have finished the first chapter (I was only 8, so I was pretty confused why this old man was lighting lamps with a lighter—like, where are the wizards, witches, and heroes?? 🤣) I likely wouldn't have survived all those heavy, boring books I had to plow through just to get a decent grade.

And yet, a book that popular... isn't even on the required reading list. There are so many modern books out there that are both insightful and genuinely entertaining.. 😁

Just imagine having to pull specific excerpts, write character analyses, and summarize characters you don't even like, only to get a C because your conclusion was deemed "stupid" (which is just teacher-speak for "doesn't match my view") or because your handwriting wasn't perfect 🙄 🙄
Besides, American literature isn't necessarily the absolute peak of global literature... no offense intended.

I’ve decided to finally tackle one of my biggest flaws: a total lack of self-discipline—specifically when it comes to pushing myself to get things done. At work, I don't have this issue at all; I'm like a machine, completely locked into the task at hand.

The thing is, motivation isn't actually my problem. It took me a while to realize that motivation and discipline are two totally different animals. Discipline is what actually "gets things done," whereas motivation is just that initial spark—that fluttery feeling that comes and goes whenever it feels like it.🤣
I have more than enough motivation to start new things. Throughout my life, I've jumped into so many different hobbies and interests... I'm curious about everything and love trying new stuff.

But there's still that struggle with discipline... specifically how my brain treats structure. No matter how many tasks I assign myself, how many goals I write down, or how much study time I schedule, my brain sees it as a threat and starts dodging it like the plague. I will literally come up with the most ridiculous excuses just to avoid doing something I committed to.

Now, I'm pretty stubborn and I don't give up easily, so this is something I've been battling for a while.
My lack of discipline definitely impacted my time in college. It wasn't a lack of drive, just pure discipline.

Since leaving school, I’ve actually achieved something I thought would be impossible. I taught myself a foreign language to a B2 level in just one year without any trouble, passing every test on the first try and consistently being one of the top students in my class. When someone else holds me accountable, I deliver. Even though school forced me to be consistent with assignments and homework, forcing *myself* to stay on track still feels nearly impossible.
Still, the sense of accomplishment is real. I know I can achieve things... but how do I make myself do it? How do I stop paying for classes or wasting time commuting? Every time I try to commit, my brain just goes into flight mode.

Without overthinking it, I’ve finally decided to dive back into programming. This is something I knew I wanted to do even before I left college. I have some basic knowledge from teaching myself on the side, but it all slipped away during those years of starting and stopping. I'd start, then stall, then start again. Well, the playing around ends now; I want this, and I've decided to go all in.

At 25, I finally have everything I need to jumpstart my career.🤣

I have the time,
a roof over my head,
money,
a killer computer and high-speed internet,
a solid foundation in IBM tech, and I understand computers and networking...
Access to a mentor available 24/7, for free.
And endless free or cheap learning materials online.

I have absolutely everything required to succeed.
Honestly, people with way less manage to pull it off... they have kids, they work full-time jobs, they don't have mentors... I have everything handed to me and the only thing missing is one damn skill:--
DISCIPLINE. Forcing myself to sit down every single day and put in a few hours of practice, reading, or listening—even when I'm sick or when something "more interesting" pops up.

So, I started. I picked up three online bootcamps for a bargain and downloaded a mountain of free programming e-books in English. And man, I can't imagine life without knowing English. To anyone reading this: THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT SKILL YOU CAN POSSESS. Without it, you are so limited.

Here is my quick progress log:
Day 1: Starting out and the intro... kind of boring... there isn't much I didn't already know. Honestly, studying German felt more engaging.🕺
Day 2: I didn't feel like doing it, but I forced myself because I told myself I wouldn't quit on day two. I wrote out a strict schedule, but I'm already failing to stick to it. It's not going the way I planned.🙂
Day 3: I feel like a failure because I'm already deviating from my plan, and some topics are taking way longer than expected... but okay, this is getting interesting. I've decided to stop obsessing over my pre-set goals and just work as much as I can every day. As long as I keep moving forward, that's what matters.
Day 4... I’m stuck. Like, how? Where do I even start? How am I supposed to wrap this up if I don't get it? I can't move on to the next lesson until it clicks.
Day 5—I honestly can't wait to finish this part and finally dive into the next chapter 🙂
Day 6... What a disaster. I tried to power through my studies after taking some meds, but today was just rough. I have those couple of days every month where my brain just refuses to function, but I still managed to knock out a few lessons pretty quickly.
Day 7. Zero motivation right now because yesterday left me feeling like a total failure. Instead of spiraling into self-pity and procrastination, I figured I should better occupy my mind with more coding exercise -- discipline kicks in, staying strong&focused. {Then I realize, like a complete idiot... when I'm struggling, I feel like a loser. But that's just a feeling. It isn't permanent; it's temporary, and if I stay focused on my goals, it'll pass. How can I feel like a failure when I'm doing everything in my power not to be one??}
Man, it's funny how everything clicked perfectly during the exercises. I'm back on track.
Day 8. This is starting to feel like something I HAVE to do every single day.
Whether I'm reading, watching a video, or working through an exercise, it doesn't matter. I just HAVE to get it done.
Day 9. I stumbled upon a YouTube video about a guy who started learning to code at age 30. He studied for a year and landed his first job without any support or prior experience. He had been a bit of a screw-up his whole life, struggled in school, and was even a troublemaker... what drove him was his son; he wanted to become someone his son could look up to. Aww 🙂
But it wasn't easy—it took so much sacrifice and discipline, and he had to put everything else on hold.

Day 10. TODAY.
Woke up a bit late. Got an email about a potential job/project, and I have an interview tomorrow! Yessss 🎉 So many things to be happy about. I've cleared out my emails, notifications, and all that YouTube nonsense.

Finally started my own independent project! I finished three lessons and read the first chapter of the book.

Everyone... this is hands down the most consistent work I have ever achieved ON MY OWN, without any school, professors, or study groups. Just me. 🤣
It might not be exactly what I originally envisioned, but it's way more than I expected from myself.

How do you guys push yourselves, and how did you learn to be so disciplined? 🍿

Tyler Watson82 said:Quick question for the group...
Do you think it's better to be smart and logical but a bit cold, or to be warm and emotional but a little dim?

Honestly, neither! It's much easier to just be clueless and heartless—then nothing can get to you!

Andrew Doyle said:Let’s get one thing straight: the idea that humans have some innate, biological drive for togetherness is complete nonsense. What people call "the need for community" isn't some primal instinct written into our DNA; it is nothing more than a collection of culturally sanctioned social behaviors. We adopt these patterns based on our habitus—essentially, the social framework we happen to be born into. It’s learned behavior, plain and simple. If we are talking about actual biological necessities, let’s stick to the facts. Oxygen and water—those are the primary requirements. Those are the things without which our species simply cannot survive. The absence of a "need" for social cohesion doesn't somehow sabotage the transmission of our genetic material. People love to conflate the two, but they are entirely distinct processes. A partnership does not automatically guarantee offspring, nor does having children necessitate a romantic partnership. Biology and social structures operate on completely different tracks, and it is high time we stopped pretending they are the same thing.

When it comes to psychogenic manifestations, let’s get one thing straight: they are absolutely, undeniably real. There is no debate here.

The cliché that you need to "work on yourself" to build better relationships isn't some divine commandment etched in stone, nor is it an absolute rule. Neither is there any prohibition against pursuing connections. People have every legitimate right to seek out love and intimacy, just as they have the right to earn affection through learning—learning about themselves, others, and the very nature of community. But let’s be real here: if you want a relationship that actually holds weight—one that is high-quality, harmonious, and genuinely stable—won't you get much further if you've already done the heavy lifting of sorting out your own internal mess? Yes, absolutely. Does that mean nobody else is capable of doing it? Of course not. But let's stop pretending there's a one-size-fits-all manual for human connection.

And to wrap this up: we need to stop placing the human race on some imaginary pedestal when it comes to communication skills. It’s frankly absurd. If you look closely at our own kind, you'll find plenty of glaring, undeniable examples of total communicative failure—and I'm not talking about rare outliers, but rather quite frequent instances where human interaction completely breaks down into nothingness.

Biological needs affect both the body and the mind, encompassing everything required for an individual's mental and physical health. Loneliness or feeling isolated can lead to sadness, illness, or depression, and it can physically manifest as various health issues. Social needs actually became part of our biology a very long time ago through things like tribal structures and natural selection. Our brains are simply hardwired this way, so saying the need for companionship is merely "culturally accepted social behavior" is just incorrect.

There's a really great video that explains this much better than I ever could 😁

It’s honestly a bit disheartening to see how many people prioritize their own struggles over everything else. There seems to be this overwhelming sense of egocentrism lately, where everything just revolves around "me, me, me"—what am I getting out of this, or what can others do for me? It feels like that mindset is being encouraged and normalized everywhere.

I don't get why people think self-improvement and being in a relationship are mutually exclusive. The idea that you have to isolate yourself until you're "good enough" for someone else just doesn't make sense to me. You could spend your entire life working on yourself and still never feel "perfect," because nobody actually is. Besides, what's the point of striving for perfection if you don't have anyone to share that growth with? 🤔

Andrew Doyle said:The real question is: *which* needs are we talking about? There is a massive distinction between basic biological necessities and this codependent, partner-seeking addiction. And let’s be clear—figuring out how to overcome that dependency doesn't turn us into cyborgs. On the contrary, once you actually find a sense of purpose within yourself, you become significantly more capable of forming high-quality connections with others. This completely dismantles your argument that "living for ourselves" is a bad thing—because it’s exactly the opposite. It is through self-awareness that we actually become capable of approaching others in a much deeper, more meaningful way.

I don't see why you'd separate the need for companionship from the need for connection; they basically explain one another. From a purely biological standpoint, humans have an inherent drive for community. Those who lack that drive don't pass on their genes because they don't feel the urge for partnership, social bonds, or starting families.

The pain of loneliness can actually manifest physically, and I think we know why: our brains are telling us that isolation isn't a healthy state for a human being and could actually be dangerous.

I'm not a fan of the cliché, "fix yourself before you're ready for someone else." It makes it sound like only "perfected" people deserve love and acceptance. Nobody is perfect, and people in relationships certainly aren't either. In fact, it's often through others that we grow, which is why living in a community is so important. If we didn't have others to advise us, correct us, and model civilized behavior, humanity would still be stuck in the Stone Age.

Of course, balance is key, but being in a relationship helps you learn about yourself without being constantly hyper-focused on your own ego—which, in my opinion, is a huge cause of unhappiness. Sometimes we really need someone else's objective perspective, reaction, or experience to help us realize something about ourselves. At our core, we are all quite similar.

After all, we wouldn't have developed such incredibly complex communication skills compared to any other species if we weren't meant to interact.

Andrew Doyle said:Look, if you actually took the time to understand your own soul and "fill your own gaps," you wouldn't be out there hunting for someone else to validate your flaws or fix what's broken.

We'll have those needs our whole lives; we're humans, not robots. We're biologically wired to crave companionship, love, and acceptance from others—it's a need that never truly goes away. Otherwise, humanity would have gone extinct long ago if we all just lived alone and only cared about ourselves.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, honey,

You can't really change your attachment style; maybe it’s better to focus on understanding and accepting it through therapy instead. Find someone who truly gets you and complements your personality, then you won't feel that need to change at all. 🍿