Posts by stormyheron9

Value your time

In every sense of the word you can imagine. 😁

Thomas Hernandez4 said:Nov 3. Topic of the day: How often do you actually hang out?

Do you get out much? Are you someone who hits up big groups, or do you prefer keeping things low-key with just a few people?
Try to put some actual numbers to it—how many people are you realistically seeing on a monthly basis?

__________________________________
This thread was pulled from the 62nd post within the topic of the day.

I generally prefer small groups, usually just 1 to 3 people.

Let's say I go out about 2 or 3 times a week for a couple of hours at a time.

Anything more than 3 times a week is way too much for me.

I actually have a very large circle of friends and acquaintances, so I catch up with people every now and then. Some I see weekly, some bi-weekly, and others maybe once a month. With some, I can't even manage that because we live too far apart. In those cases, we just catch up whenever they happen to be in my city or if they invite me over for a weekend. I'll head out for two days and then the visit ends up stretching longer. 😁

I feel like most guys stay pretty immature until they hit at least 28 or 30. That’s usually when life starts shifting—your habits change and your priorities finally settle down. Of course, there are exceptions to my rule, people who aren't acting like kids before they turn 28, but for most, that's when a sense of seriousness and wisdom actually kicks in. I’m specifically talking about men here, not women. Honestly, even at 32, the idea of marriage hasn't even crossed my mind, let alone having kids. 😁

I agree; I think you really need to live together for a trial period before committing to marriage—at least six months. But more importantly, both partners need to be living away from their parents. You need enough distance so they can't just swoop in to help out with everything. That way, you actually see how you function as a unit, how you handle tension, and how you truly split up the housework.

In my opinion, a safe distance from your parents would be 31 miles. Far enough away that they can't just pop in, but close enough that you can head over if they ever need a hand. But they shouldn't be able to step in and fix things for you on a daily basis.😁

Back in my younger days, I held onto quite a few "I would never" stances, though looking back, I’ve definitely walked back a handful of them. Off the top of my head, I can recall three specific ones: two were about my own comfort, and one was regarding my health habits—nothing major, just basic stuff. Honestly, I still find myself using that phrase today. I know what I won't do, what I find repulsive, and what isn't good for me. Even if circumstances change, I'll make sure those things stay off the table. Period. Most situations in life end up being shades of gray, but there are certain things that are purely black or white. When we're young, we tend to see everything in stark black and white terms—good versus bad. But the reality is that once you're actually in the thick of it, most things are gray. I have developed some new "I would never" rules too; they aren't just relics from my youth. I just hope I don't end up backtracking on these new ones.

swiftgull4 said:That describes me perfectly.
When I'm in an argument, I tend to say whatever comes to mind just to get under the other person's skin, even if I don't mean any of it... then the next day, I feel terrible and full of regret, but by then, the damage is already done.
And honestly, that's something I really need to work on. It requires intentional effort and a massive shift in my own personality, starting with just admitting that I have a problem in the first place.
Some people won't believe me and will claim I'm just making excuses or being fake, but I am truly owning up to my mistakes and working to be better. Let them try doing the same thing—it's definitely not easy...

I'm right there with you. Although, being insulting isn't really my nature. These days, my fuse is much longer, and I tend to avoid arguments altogether. I find that keeping my voice low can help calm the other person down, allowing us to talk through the issue rationally. If we still can't resolve it after an hour, I just get dressed and go for a walk, then come back once I've cooled off even more.

@Kate Fox58 People tell me every five years or so that I haven't changed at all. And honestly, in terms of communication, I haven't felt the need to change. What *has* changed is my worldview; I'm much more optimistic now and I have a significantly thicker skin. I've also worked on specific traits based on advice from people who pointed out my Achilles' heel. Being calmer helps me everywhere. Reacting purely on emotion is a losing game 99% of the time. I can't recall a single instance where an emotional outburst yielded a better result than handling the situation calmly.

swiftgull4 said:I mean, you can always do it, I guess... once you’ve messed up enough, or hurt people, or lost everything—even lost someone dear—you might finally decide to just sit back and look inward at why everything went sideways in the first place. But man, it is such a massive struggle to actually go against your own ego and admit, "Hey, I might be wrong here, maybe my perspective is totally skewed"... it's incredibly hard. Seriously, give it a shot sometime. It’s always so much easier to just point fingers at everyone else, shift all the blame onto them, and tell yourself you’re 100% right. That's just how it goes, life happens, and sometimes you change so much that you don't even recognize yourself anymore, and that old version of you is just gone. It takes a whole lot of courage to own up to it and try to find your way back to who you used to be...

It is simply human nature to want to be right. That’s why we convince ourselves we are. That’s why admitting fault feels so heavy. It is extremely difficult to remain objective when you are one of the primary actors in the drama.

The easiest path is claiming someone else is to blame. That might be true once or twice, but it’s statistically impossible for everyone else to be wrong all the time. It’s just unrealistic.

Edit:

Kate Fox58 said:Hey, I'm curious—what actually defines someone's character?

https://velikirecnik.com/2016/09/14/karakter/

Thanks, we definitely drifted off-topic.

But even character can evolve. For instance, if you're someone with a short fuse that constantly lands you in hot water, you can work on de-escalating your own tension. Over time, you can become much more level-headed. It won't happen overnight, but through years of effort, it's possible.

Exactly. If you realize the benefits today, don't wait—just dive in right now. That whole "I'll start on Monday" mentality? It never works. By the time Monday rolls around, you’ve already lost the momentum. Sure, you have to be disciplined and stay focused at the beginning, but eventually, it just becomes second nature. Even if you slip up a few times, it doesn't matter; you just get back on track. It’s actually much easier to stick with it once you start seeing results. The critical part is pushing through that initial phase until those benefits become visible. It's exhausting when you're putting in the work and seeing absolutely nothing to show for it. You're left wondering if it's even worth it. And honestly, if a new venture feels like it has more downsides than upsides after you've given it a shot, it's probably best to just call it quits.

nimblemarlin6 said:In theory, you could overhaul your entire personality overnight.
There isn't actually anything stopping you from doing it.
Sure, nobody ever really pulls it off—not consistently, anyway—but it’s possible. It really is.

If you stick to new habits long enough, they stop being "new" and just become your new normal. Then you can judge for yourself whether the upgrade was worth it or if the old ways were better. You just have to be persistent. Nothing happens overnight, obviously. But the key is genuine desire. If someone truly wants this, after a significant amount of time—we aren't talking six months, we mean much longer—it becomes their standard way of operating.

placidbadger17 said:Goodness, you all have just completely extinguished my hopes of turning over a new leaf before I even had a chance to begin! I was truly looking forward to embracing a more open lifestyle, getting out more often, finding a sense of freedom, and exploring all sorts of new possibilities

You can always change.

Nobody likes someone who stays too closed off; people generally find those who are more cheerful much easier to talk to. It’s the same for me, both with men and women. When it comes to participating in conversations, I personally prefer saying as little as possible. You just have to step slightly outside your comfort zone at first—I know it feels awkward, but you have to do it.

Rachel Richardson said:Is that really an effective way to go about self-disclosure?
I have the ability to wire—does that sound interesting? 🍿

Exactly.
Major shifts don't happen overnight—they aren't like a sudden thunderstorm. Usually, change is subtle—small, incremental, almost imperceptible.
They aren't far off...

Five years ago versus now—I am two completely different people.

I’ve cut out almost all the negativity and walked away from everything bad.

Once enough time passes, those new habits become second nature. I don't even think about going back to my old ways because they don't fit me anymore; the version of myself I worked toward is simply better.

Dennis Bennett28 said:Usually, people like that only reach out for help when things start affecting their own bottom line or when they hit a physical breaking point—if they even bother at all. Honestly, I’d be pretty skeptical about any "reformed" individual who has twenty years of bad habits baked into their system.

To me, actual character would be someone who realizes they’ve been acting like an idiot after a short period of reflection, but not someone who spent years taking their frustrations out on children. No matter how much therapy they do later, that lack of core integrity stays with you.

Real character—the kind that actually matters—would be the person who, despite having a genetic predisposition toward it, doesn't touch a drop of alcohol. (Though, I suppose whether that counts as "character" or just discipline is its own debate.)

That kind of strength is built incrementally. You have to change one major thing first to prove to yourself that you can actually do it; once that's settled, everything else becomes much easier. But make no mistake—sticking to a decision requires real character.

Hi there!

I'm looking to make some new friends in the Cleveland area or nearby.
Specifically, I’m interested in meeting people who are actually down to grab coffee, go for walks, hit the town, catch a movie, or maybe even join in on day trips, concerts, or clubbing down the road. Basically, I want to meet up in person.

We can definitely chat online for a bit first to see if we actually vibe and have things to talk about.

I'm 34 years old, so I'd say an ideal age range would be somewhere between 27 and 50. Honestly, I get along great with people in their 50s too—I can be pretty serious when the situation calls for it. 😬

My interests include new tech, vaping, movies and series, foreign policy, watches, personal finance, healthy eating, electronics, and Hi-Fi gear. Music-wise, I listen to rock, pop, and orchestral pieces.

I've got a sense of humor. Give me something to work with, and I'll crack enough jokes to keep us both laughing. 😁

Had my meal today. I wasn't feeling particularly inspired by this topic 😁

It was absolutely fantastic

peeled potatoes, sir, ham, bacon, spicy sausage, onions, peppers, and mushrooms

stormyheron9 said:Classified Ad

A close friend of mine—who isn't on this Facebook group—is looking specifically for female companionship in the Indianapolis area or nearby. Guys, please don't bother reaching out; my inbox is already flooded with unsolicited offers from men. 😬 She’s about 34 or 35, working, and is a genuinely fun woman with a great sense of humor. She’s intelligent and well-read, so you can talk about pretty much anything. She also knows her stuff when it comes to cosmetics, lipstick, and shoes. I actually tap into her expertise from time to time, asking if a certain brand of heels is worth it, and she hits the mark every single time—she’s been 3 for 3 so far. 😁 She has a car, so catching a ride is easy. She’s also great company for grabbing a bite or a drink. 😁 She isn't one to overshare; she’s a fantastic listener who gives excellent advice. She’s open-minded, friendly, and quite progressive. Your age might be within plus or minus 10 years of hers. Send me a private message, and I’ll pass along her contact info.

Going to give this another shot.

Classified Ad

A close friend of mine—who isn't on this Facebook group—is looking specifically for female companionship in the Indianapolis area or nearby. Guys, please don't bother reaching out; my inbox is already flooded with unsolicited offers from men. 😬 She’s about 34 or 35, working, and is a genuinely fun woman with a great sense of humor. She’s intelligent and well-read, so you can talk about pretty much anything. She also knows her stuff when it comes to cosmetics, lipstick, and shoes. I actually tap into her expertise from time to time, asking if a certain brand of heels is worth it, and she hits the mark every single time—she’s been 3 for 3 so far. 😁 She has a car, so catching a ride is easy. She’s also great company for grabbing a bite or a drink. 😁 She isn't one to overshare; she’s a fantastic listener who gives excellent advice. She’s open-minded, friendly, and quite progressive. Your age might be within plus or minus 10 years of hers. Send me a private message, and I’ll pass along her contact info.

Let me just reiterate here

stormyheron9 said:I am looking for some company—ideally people aged 30 or older from the Seattle area—for grabbing coffee, going for walks, catching movies, day trips, concerts, and more. I’m a 33-year-old guy who loves animals, thrillers, TV series, vaping, rock, and pretty much any kind of live music. I can hold a conversation on just about anything, and I definitely enjoy a bit of banter.

Just an update on my previous post: feel free to reach out even if you aren't from Cleveland. Always down to chat and kill some time 😉

I am looking for some company—ideally people aged 30 or older from the Seattle area—for grabbing coffee, going for walks, catching movies, day trips, concerts, and more. I’m a 33-year-old guy who loves animals, thrillers, TV series, vaping, rock, and pretty much any kind of live music. I can hold a conversation on just about anything, and I definitely enjoy a bit of banter.