Posts by placidwolf27

Sandra Parker3 said:Forget about motivation, because once you start overthinking it, you won't get anything done at all.

Self-discipline is just the ability to do the things you really don't feel like doing.
To put it simply... when you want to do something, you have motivation, but when you don't, you need discipline. 😁
Practice saying "no" to yourself. 🤷

You think so? 😁
Just look at any single day in your life; isn't it basically just a series of tasks you complete because you've built up some level of discipline? Otherwise, you'd just spend forever procrastinating on everything you need to get done because you just can't be bothered.

Quincy:

...And by the definition you just gave, discipline requires a teacher, a coach, or a mentor (whatever you want to call them).

I wouldn't say that; you can definitely figure it out on your own.

But what if a person is wired that way—literally incapable of functioning when it comes to almost anything they actually need to get done?

rowdygardener80 said:Thanks for the posts and the breakdown. Honestly, my take is that it's best to just do nothing.
We don't have the right environment here like they do in the East, and that's that.
I suspect anyone who starts meditating will just end up losing their grip on reality or something similar.😍

Best, ☕

What kind of environment? What "East"?

Look, just take fifteen minutes, sit facing a wall, pick a spot on that wall, stare at it, breathe deeply and steadily, and let your thoughts drift by without grabbing onto them or overanalyzing—there, you’re meditating.

It isn't quantum physics; you don't need some mystical Eastern landscape or special conditions... all you really need is ten to fifteen minutes of relative peace and quiet.

Of course, any DIY methods might be a bit flawed—there are always a hundred little tricks someone needs to explain to you, plus a mountain of techniques promising one effect or another. People have been doing this since the dawn of time, so they likely know a thing or two about it... but at its core, meditation boils down to focus, awareness, and quieting the intellect. You're essentially putting your brain in neutral and calmly observing the results.

In that state, strange things can happen—which is interesting, because frankly, nobody truly understands what's actually occurring in those moments. But most likely, absolutely nothing will happen, even after a long time... it takes a while to see any effect worth mentioning, which is usually just reduced stress and generally calmer nerves. And that's plenty—I mean, what exactly are you expecting? A divine revelation?

And you can observe your thoughts without meditating. You can observe your emotions, or you can observe your digestive system if that's your idea of fun...

If you're afraid that becoming aware of your own internal moments will suddenly make you lose your mind, then you have much bigger problems than meditation.

which is precisely why it’s highly advisable to utilize psychedelics within strictly controlled environments and under precise, measured dosages

after all, without rigorous, empirical research and clinical practice, we can't even begin to map out the actual long-term consequences—let alone attempt to develop any sophisticated new compounds

given the rather mediocre success rates we see with most standard forms of psychotherapy these days, an approach like this sounds quite compelling...

Sandra Morgan2 said:I see it differently. Suffering from a lack of meaning is just a symptom of depression. Meaninglessness doesn't cause depression. If it did, anyone who had a deep thought about how pointless life is would spiral into a breakdown, but that's not how it works. Most people can debate the meaning of life endlessly without feeling any despair at all.

Some people, upon realizing this, learn to enjoy the moment. They view life as a cosmic joke, embrace the "wu wei" path, and just flow with the river of existence—unburdened by the fact that their tiny lives won't leave a mark on the planet or be remembered by their great-grandchildren in a hundred years. But others feel that emptiness as a massive black hole they can't fill, a terrifying void within them calling toward death. That's all down to a lack of serotonin in the brain, not the concept of meaning itself.

But for the original poster and any other depressed readers out there—even in the face of that dark abyss of meaninglessness—take comfort in this: depression puts you in very good company. You're among incredibly gifted, brilliant, and respected individuals, and Leo Tolstoy is just one of many famous depressed people
.

I mean, honestly, who in God's name does that actually help?

I really don't see the point of these kinds of threads... I've opened them myself in the past, sure, but for heaven's sake... once someone starts a topic like this, there's really only one sensible thing you can say;

- nobody here can actually help you, please seek professional assistance -

What more is there to discuss? It isn't even about why someone posts such a thread—fine, they're looking for help however they know how, or maybe they don't even know what they're looking for themselves, which is understandable enough—the issue is that people start responding with all sorts of mindless nonsense...
There are endless links out there already, threads on depression have been posted a thousand times, and the whole concept of nihilism has been picked apart in several other discussions... none of it actually accomplishes anything effective...

A therapist—if they’re actually doing their job—should be able to set aside their own personal biases and subjective convictions. It ought to be a fundamental pillar of the practice: approaching the issues a patient brings to the table with a sense of objectivity, informed by modern clinical research and their own professional experience rather than their own ego.

After all, a practitioner needs to grasp that beliefs and values are deeply, fundamentally relative matters...

It seems particularly obvious in psychotherapy, where you have this intense, direct interaction—otherwise, you might as well be looking at a dentist deciding how to place fillings based on his own moral compass.

Furthermore, a therapist should be capable of treating any given individual as a human being first—a complex system whose defining characteristic is humanity itself. That includes acknowledging all the messiness and the absolute chaos people go through, regardless of how "wrong" it might seem to an outsider. If they can't do that, then it’s essentially like a proctologist deciding they simply refuse to treat hemorrhoids.

That is how it *should* work, I suppose... if we're being idealistic...

But, of course, in the real world, Murphy's Law usually takes the driver's seat.

There is also the issue of professional bias regarding methodology—for instance, a therapist might hold rigid views on pharmacotherapy versus specific behavioral methods. For whatever reason, those stances inevitably bleed into the treatment process in ways that are often quite trivial, yet entirely impactful.

There was a period when I used to see this psychiatrist whose primary therapeutic technique involved pulling out an acoustic guitar at some point and insisting that I sing along while he played

The first time it happened, I actually found it amusing—I figured it was some unconventional diagnostic tool, perhaps testing my emotional response or something similar... however, it turned out to be his standard routine. It was quite an exhausting ordeal; the man simply wouldn't relent, and I eventually realized he does this to everyone—literally, it's just his "method"

I won't mention his name, nor will I say which hospital or clinic he’s affiliated with in the States

His go-to response whenever I tried to describe the various struggles and mental states I was navigating was some tired variation of the phrase—everything will fall into place once you find love...

Frankly, I have no idea what his actual professional philosophy is

Carl Castillo69 said:Look, cats don't mate with other cats—that's just straight-up twisted and wrong.

that just isn't true...

steelcrane5 said:I was sitting around the other day and this question popped into my head—it might sound a bit silly, honestly. I was thinking about how I have quite a few attractive cousins in my family, and obviously, there isn't even a flicker of attraction there, which got me wondering... what is it that actually stops us from seeing relatives in that way? Is there some sort of built-in mechanism in our brains that just shuts down any kind of sexual thought when we look at a family member? Like, why is it fundamentally impossible for me to imagine being with a cousin?

I hope you guys get where I'm coming from, I really don't mean anything bad by asking! 🙂

The reality is that family members can actually be sexually attractive during childhood—either because they are physically appealing or because you're in that formative, semi-developed stage of development. They are essentially the first people your brain learns to model interpersonal relationships upon. However, with a relatively healthy psychosexual development, you either overcome that attraction, let it fade away, or sublimate it into something more constructive... so when actual sexual experiences begin, it ceases to matter.

Of course, for some people, this isn't resolved—or at least not in time—which is why incest exists.
Then again, incest can also stem from pure convenience, economic necessity, and so on...

As for finding an attractive cousin interesting—even if you aren't close to them—that's actually quite normal. If it happens, you just handle it the same way you would if you developed a crush on a friend's partner: you acknowledge it, and then you move on as if nothing happened...

Anthony Torres102 said:Do you think other people are responsible for our mental state, or are we the ones to blame for everything going wrong in our lives?

Maybe if we had just walked away from certain people sooner, we’d actually be living better, more fulfilling lives right now. We wouldn't be stuck dealing with depression or carrying around these heavy mental health struggles that eventually spiral into actual physical illness...

It’s a common pattern: once someone gets sick, everyone around them starts pointing fingers, acting like it’s their own fault. People rarely stop to ask about the environment that person was living in or the sheer amount of trauma they endured before finally hitting a breaking point.

So, who is actually at fault?

What’s your take? How much of your current situation or your illness do you attribute to the people around you?

Honestly, what difference does it make whether someone is at fault or not?

Assigning blame doesn't actually change reality... nothing shifts because of it.

A lot of people share responsibility for an individual's mental health—including the person themselves—and while you can certainly dissect everything to find specific triggers or causes, the situation remains exactly what it is... guilt is ultimately a useless metric here.

Besides, who would even be the culprit? You? Them? The federal government? Morality? Santa Claus?

A person can never truly grasp reality in its raw, unadulterated state—we can only perceive it through the various mental frameworks we build for ourselves. In essence, what we call "reality" is always just a construct... a sort of elaborate psychological game

You can slap whatever labels you want on it, dress it up in mystical terminology, or spin endless complex theories to explain it away, but in the end, you’re really just spinning your wheels in the same cycle

It’s truly something... you can be completely blindsided by life—thrown under the bus before you've even had a chance to find your footing in those first few years—without having done a single thing to deserve it. And let's be honest, most parents are essentially flying blind anyway; ninety percent of them haven't the slightest clue what they're actually doing, so you can't exactly pin the blame on them either...

Thomas Moore6 said:Quincy:

Of course I'm interested Why on earth wouldn't I care about all this chatter?

Quincy:

It's all just noise; the actual content doesn't really matter much

Quincy:

I get sucked into it too, I guess But for me, it’s always been about the substance.

You're being a bit contradictory here.

Look, it isn't the "flow of conversation" that's bothering you—it's the fact that the loudest guy in the room is going to end up getting shut down🤣🤣.

I don't see the contradiction here—not really.

In certain scenarios, communication follows these rigid, unspoken social rules—rules that I simply haven't mastered at a high enough level to maintain...

The statement above was merely an illustration of that point.

Thomas Moore6 said:Quincy:

I honestly don't follow any of this

🤣

Quincy:

It’s all just white noise to me

🤣

Quincy:

The whole thing is just driving me nuts

🤣 🤣🤣

Man, you really cracked me up 😁.

Would you actually be overanalyzing the flow of a conversation if the topic was actually interesting to you? I bet your own thoughts are way more engaging than someone else's rambling.

I have moments where I drift off while a "conversation is happening" too, but that usually only happens when I'm talking to people I can't actually connect with—people who can't hold my attention long enough to keep things going.

Of course I care.
Why on earth wouldn't I be interested in the chatter?
What else is there to talk about when you're sitting at a bar grabbing a beer?
Chatter is one of the fundamental pillars of human socialization...

It isn't really about the topic itself...

The reality is that within any group of people, there exists a specific dynamic—a spontaneous system of interpersonal relationships that establishes and maintains itself in informal settings regardless of any "artificial" parameters. It boils down to purely biological factors; being pushed to the periphery in such a setting is a pretty reliable litmus test for life in general...

But frankly, I couldn't care less about that part.

Beyond that, if you can't function in that dimension, it becomes incredibly difficult to achieve any meaningful communication with the opposite sex—assuming there’s at least one male nearby who is slightly more energetic, stronger, or louder than you, without you having to start a fight. And civilized people don't fight—unless they're at a heavy metal concert...

So why wouldn't I care about the banter? Half the communication I engage in during casual social gatherings consists of nothing but mindless chatter. One person might drone on about cars and local politics, while another obsesses over WWII tank specs compared to modern aerospace tech, or maybe some pseudo-scientific wellness gurus or outdated economic reforms... it's all just noise. The actual content is largely irrelevant...

I suppose even that bothers me somewhat...
I tend to get hung up on the substance...

At least I can find some solace in knowing my own capabilities—and the fact that I can hold my own against most people in any given situation...
Though, I still can't say the same for the other half...

One thing I’ve never quite been able to wrap my head around is the sheer flow of conversation when several people are talking together...
When I observe how people interact in general, statements tend to exchange with this spontaneous, fluid rhythm—there’s a certain dynamic at play, even a sense of harmony depending on the topic or the setting... People don't constantly trample over one another or cut each other off mid-sentence; usually, one person’s turn ends almost precisely as the next person’s begins.

Furthermore, if you have a group of three or more discussing a subject, everyone involved seems to intuitively find these openings—these little gaps where they can weave in their own thoughts or comments—and it follows that same rule mentioned above... even when there are interruptions, they feel somehow synchronized, as if the whole thing is organic.

The most crucial part, though—even if one or two people naturally dominate or lead the discussion—is that the others seem to integrate themselves seamlessly without being forced in or ignored entirely.

I simply don't grasp any of it...
I suppose there are certain subtle signals that a human, as a biological entity, registers instinctively—a combination of subconscious cues and those social skills that presumably develop through socialization from early childhood onwards.
Take things like tone, tempo, posture, eye contact, syntax...

And this is the crux of the issue for me, because I honestly don't know when or how to properly insert my own statement when I'm talking to someone... I frequently end up interrupting people, which—depending on who I'm dealing with—can be a total disaster; sometimes they just steamroll right over you and keep going, and then there are all the other similar social hiccups.

There are moments where it feels like I’m not actually participating in a conversation at all, but rather delivering a monologue—even though I'm sitting at the same table as five or six other people... It doesn't happen as often now, but until a few years back, it was a fairly regular occurrence.

There is also this physical dynamic within a group that I find quite fascinating—it’s a complex interplay of personal space, movement, and body language. For instance, imagine a crowd gathered around a bar at a local pub...

People spontaneously align themselves in a similar way, arranging their positions and relationships to one another... depending on the group's makeup, someone might end up pushed to the periphery or stuck in a "dead zone."

To me, it’s all complete gibberish...
Sometimes you truly feel like an outsider, and that either means you’re just fundamentally ill-suited for the environment, or you simply fail to understand the basic signaling methods of your own species—which, ultimately, amounts to the same thing.

It’s all becoming a bit much to deal with...

Kimberly Johnson4 said:So, I’m a guy, just to get that out of the way... mostly because after cycling through a million nicknames that were already taken, I figured life is just brutal—life is a bitch.

Whatever. I was looking for something quick and easy, you know? Not some two-year marathon of therapy sessions... but honestly, it's starting to feel like there really isn't such a thing as a quick fix. Still listening 👍

Approaching psychedelics with the mindset of seeking a fast, easy escape can trigger slow-burning, complicated issues... but hey, do whatever you want...

Kimberly Johnson4 said:No, it’s definitely not for some fun little hobby or whatever. Look at it this way... there's this weight on me, something fucking heavy that's just crushing my potential, but I can't even put my finger on what it is... and I have no clue how to make sense of any of it. I mean, life is good on paper, I'm happy enough, but there's this pressure building up inside me... I honestly feel like I'm right on the edge of a total mental breakdown. Better to nip it in the bud before everything just snaps.

In my view, introducing psychedelics while in that specific state wouldn't prevent a mental breakdown—it would likely just trigger an agonizingly intense nightmare that lingers for hours on end.

Kimberly Johnson4 said:What’s your take on psychoactive therapy? You know, using psychedelics to mess with the subconscious... basically letting the conscious mind take over where the subconscious left off. Having those trips that actually lead to some real answers... Kind of like how certain indigenous groups in South America have used DMT, mescaline, or LSD for ages...
Meditation sounds pretty appealing too, but I honestly have no clue how you're even supposed to do it. Like, what state are you aiming for? How long does a session even last?... Just trying to figure out how to actually improve oneself, I guess...

Psychedelics don't "change" the subconscious
nor do they allow you to swap out the subconscious for one thing or another—that's all just nonsense...
We don't even have a clear grasp on how psychedelics actually function, and there are far too many varieties to generalize
From a purely operational standpoint, most psychedelics simply block a specific combination of receptors in the brain
which triggers a shift in neural activity—resulting in various effects depending entirely on the substance used
which is what people generally refer to when they talk about an "altered state of mind"

People simply extract whatever meaning they can from the experience, provided they manage to find any at all...
It’s easy to end up completely disillusioned if a person isn't truly alone with their own thoughts...

Meditation is actually quite straightforward
it boils down to a combination of concentration and breathing
the core method is simple, yet effective enough...
Repeating certain mantras, sounds, or similar routines can help facilitate that focus

However, this isn't some guaranteed fix for psychological issues—and if someone is already struggling with mental health, it would be ill-advised to use psychedelics, or even to meditate without supervision, in the first place
In fact, it could be genuinely dangerous for one's mental stability if they are psychologically fragile or dealing with repressed trauma, fears, and such...

slycobra59 said:How do you deal with parents who are completely irresponsible?
It’s the textbook dysfunctional family dynamic—multiple kids involved. He’s a gambler and an alcoholic struggling with PTSD, and she’s a masochist who stays just because the kids "need a father." They have their good qualities, sure, but honestly, I can't even recall them right now. My entire life has been soundtracked by their screaming matches and dramatic scenes—him belittling every single thing she does, and her just swallowing his insults and saying "thank you" for it. It reached a point where I simply stopped intervening in their relationship; frankly, I’m disgusted by both of them, each in their own unique way.

We were never financially stable. We lived paycheck to paycheck, even though they both have steady incomes. It was always one debt after another to cover previous ones, getting clothes from Catholic Charities, relying on relatives to bail us out whenever things got dicey, and so on. Back in high school, I had a scholarship that I would hand directly over to my mother—except for those few times my father would beat me to it and blow it on booze (yay, parental power of attorney
But now, because they’ve spent their whole lives operating under the delusion that things will just sort themselves out without them lifting a finger, something catastrophic happened, and their financial situation has become dire. As a result, I’ve started handing over a huge chunk of my paycheck every month. And there’s no end in sight. My father insists he doesn't have a dime because all his income goes toward servicing debts. I know that’s a lie, and I know he comes home drunk every single day, but my hands are tied. My mother earns half a salary, and the rest goes straight to creditors. She either ignores the situation or calls me crying on the phone—depending on whether she has enough left for cigarettes. I’m renting my own place, and after factoring in rent, utilities, groceries, and the money I send them, I am left with... nothing. I’m hoping to save up for a new coat soon if I can somehow adopt a cheaper meal-prepping routine.
I wouldn't help them out on principle if it weren't for my younger brothers, who are still in school and need someone to provide for them. I am incredibly angry, but I try not to show it because I know they actually do care that I’m doing this for them. And I'm not doing it just to throw it in their faces later.

The problem is, I don't know what to do with all this resentment building up inside me. How do I stop being so furious? 😢 I find myself walking an hour and a half from work to my house just because I'm too agitated to drive. I feel like I’ll be stuck carrying them on my back forever. I should have recognized the pattern sooner and studied something more lucrative. I can't plan anything for my own future because I never know when they’re going to need something. It’s happened more than a few times where I get a call on the very last day of a deadline because they failed to manage their credit card balance. Now, that card is blocked anyway. If I ever won the lottery, they’d blow the whole thing within a year. I have this intense urge to leave those two penniless in their toxic marriage, to take my brothers away from them forever, and to build a life with them in a much healthier environment. But it feels like nobody listens to me anyway, except when they need cash.

When I look at how my friends interact with their parents, their behavior seems completely foreign to me. It feels surreal seeing them hug their fathers or say "I love you." Celebrating birthdays, exchanging gifts—it’s all so alien. Meanwhile, I feel guilty about buying anything for myself. I bought a laptop once and kept it a secret from them for two years because I didn't want them to feel bad about not having one. Right now, I’m in such a state of burnout that I don't even want to go to work; I just want to spend a year playing Oblivion, foraging for mushrooms, and thinking about absolutely nothing.
I'm a mess.
And yet, when I think about my brothers, who get absolutely nothing from these two, I feel like I don't even have the right to be struggling. They are the ones facing the harshest consequences of these two idiots, whereas I at least managed to move out. I don't know how to shake this frustration, especially knowing the situation isn't going to change anytime soon. 😢

You have every right to be pissed off, even if dwelling on it doesn't fix much—maybe it's better to just let yourself feel it for now

You and your brothers should try to coordinate behind their backs
Help them out as much as you can, just like any real family would—sometimes they might need a little cash, sometimes a place to crash for a night or two, stuff like that—but don't overextend yourself more than you can handle
Focus on helping them find a way to pull themselves up by their bootstraps... if they manage to get back on their feet, they'll be there for you too, provided they're anything like you... then you won't have to worry
Having them move in with you would only be a band-aid solution... the best thing you can do for them in the long run is to stay as stable and unburdened as possible

I’ve been doing some thinking lately...
The kind of existence I actually want—it isn't something I could ever achieve through sheer willpower alone—and, frankly, under current US laws, it’s practically illegal

And even if it were legal, the work that would actually satisfy me right now falls completely outside my professional field

So now, I’m just left feeling more confused than before...

That’s a bit vague, don't you think?

Beyond that, it doesn't offer much in the way of actual substance...

A greasy burger, a cheap beer, and a cigarette—that isn't exactly what anyone would call a "life goal."
I’m assuming you weren't referring to something catastrophic, like a Boeing jet crashing with the entire D.C. administration and their staff on board...

Heh, I completely forgot about my college degree... clearly, it holds zero value to me anymore...