Posts by Jesse Mendoza4

Sam Robinson said:I’m mostly on your side here. Especially regarding the point that traits like strength, responsibility, fairness, and integrity should be valued in both men and women. But my take on what the film is actually aiming at is this: we can't live in that narrow definition 24/7. When there's zero understanding for the full spectrum of emotions and behaviors inherent to boys and men, the whole system starts to fracture. Let's be real; saying "be a man" is just as empty as saying "be a lady"—not that anyone actually uses that one anymore. It's just a collection of toxic labels used for manipulation, much like "don't overreact," "don't be confrontational," "stop whining," "don't cry," or "don't act like a girl." The earlier kids are hit with these labels, the more emotionally stunted they become later in life. They internalize the idea that showing emotion is somehow unmanly or inappropriate, which is exactly why we see such a spike in problematic behavior and an inability to manage anger and frustration when their needs aren't met.

When parents don't take a kid's emotions seriously—regardless of whether they're a boy or a girl—that’s straight-up neglect. That lack of impulse control and all that built-up frustration you're talking about? That’s the direct result of long-term, inadequate parenting.

I honestly feel like the fallout you're describing comes from parental neglect rather than gendered expectations specifically. To me, it's just as wrong to tell a boy to "stop crying, man up" as it is to tell a girl she's being "too sensitive" or "acting like a girl." In both scenarios, the kids end up feeling hurt and unsupported.

Girls can deal with the exact same psychological fallout from that kind of upbringing as boys do.

So, I'd say the issues people face as adults are really just consequences of poor parenting, not necessarily tied to those specific "be a man" or "be a lady" clichés. The heavy lifting is on the parents; a parent who is actually present and engaged will raise a child who feels secure in themselves. Neglected kids, on the other hand, often grow up needing serious help, just like you described in your post, regardless of their gender.

In broken homes, you'll see siblings—a brother and a sister—both struggling with the same issues, like suppressing emotions or acting out destructively. But in healthy, functional families, you'll see siblings who are both stable, living good lives, and expressing themselves in a healthy way. At the end of the day, I think it’s much more about the quality of the upbringing than any specific gendered phrases.

Sam Robinson said:"We associate sexual contest with masculinity..." The Mask You Live In - documentary movie

"Awaken masculine," be an "alpha," act "cool," "real men don't cry," or "emotions are for weaklings"—these toxic, destructive clichés tear down boys, young men, and men alike. They strip away any chance at genuine, cooperative community. Yet, even on a forum like this, we still act shocked. We wonder why divorce rates are skyrocketing, why infidelity is so rampant, why there’s such profound emotional unavailability, or why we see so much violence and sexual assault... etc... ?

The Mask You Live In:

does a pretty solid job of documenting this exact issue, and I'd really like to open up a discussion about it with all of you. So, to my fellow members: what are your thoughts on this forced emotional inhibition? And what do you make of how men try to "compensate" for everything that is deemed "socially unacceptable" or "unutterable" through sex, alcohol, drugs, and other addictions? Is that truly the "only" path left for young men when they are crushed under this societal mandate? 🍿

I haven't had a chance to watch The Mask You Live In - documentary movie yet, but if I'm following correctly, it's pretty wild to suggest that being emotionally shut down or violent stems directly from that "be a man" upbringing.

People who are violent are sick and need professional help; usually, you can trace those issues back to childhood abuse, neglect, or just general bad parenting, rather than some specific gendered rule.

To me, being a man is about strength, taking responsibility, and being a fair player—having true character. Honestly, I think those are qualities anyone should strive for, regardless of gender.

Phrases like "stop crying" or "don't be a baby" are usually aimed at toddlers throwing tantrums in the middle of Target or crying over a scraped knee. I really don't see how that connects to destroying social cohesion once they grow up.

It isn’t actually about college; it’s about you—specifically how you view yourself and how you manage your time and responsibilities.

People burn out in school because they aren't ready for the grind, whether that's an intellectual hurdle or just a mental one. I know plenty of people who cruised through their Law degree on schedule while still maintaining a life—hitting happy hours, dating, all that. They moved on to great careers afterward.

I had this friend back in college who was a total perfectionist. She had straight As and her papers were always flawless, but she basically missed out on the whole college experience. Whenever our group would grab coffee, she’d tell us she could only stay for fifteen minutes, and like clockwork, at the fifteen-minute mark, she’d get up like a robot and leave while the rest of us hung out for another half hour. She’d join us for a night out maybe once or twice a year, even though we were out every Thursday when we weren't cramming for finals. Going to the movies or shopping? Maybe once in four years.

And you want to know how that turned out? The rest of us finished our degrees right on time. She carried that perfectionism straight into her first job, and guess what? Her contract didn't even get renewed. She ended up unemployed for a bit after that. See, the corporate world doesn't have much patience for perfectionists. You have to be able to work in less-than-ideal conditions, and more importantly, you have to learn how to pivot and improvise on the fly. You don't learn those skills by memorizing textbooks; you learn them by building social intelligence, which is honestly everything in the professional world.

This is such a deep topic to dive into👍

I honestly feel like you just have to live your life, and honestly, it’s only natural for any human being to form these deep bonds—whether it's with another person, your hometown, certain hobbies, friends, or even your career. You shouldn't stress about those attachments, just like you shouldn't beat yourself up over feeling sad when you're far away from the people or places you love.

What we probably need to work on overcoming is that sense of ownership in any capacity. We own material things, sure, but all of that can be stripped away or lost overnight. When you start embracing how fleeting life really is and realize how little control we actually have over our circumstances, I think it gets easier to deal with the fear of suffering because you learn to look inward and shift how you react to everything.

The author mentioned older folks who went through some seriously rough times but didn't let it break them, and I've always found people like that so fascinating. They're the ones who have truly figured out the "why" behind existence and carry this deep sense of faith. They have this incredible calm because they've tapped into something spiritual. In this material world, there are zero guarantees; your car might break down, your house could face issues, or trends will change, but that inner strength? You can only find that by looking within yourself.

goldenheron6 said:The weirdest part? She has zero shame. Now she’s acting all sweet to me in the hallway like nothing happened.

I seriously don't get why I always run into these bitter types. They can sniff out an easy target from a mile away
and they will exploit you every chance they get.

Back when she was my mentor, she used to get pissed whenever I talked to anyone else,
and during that one freezing winter at the office, she wouldn't even turn on the heater and would make me wash dishes in that
ice-cold water in the breakroom back in November.
Plus, she didn't even teach me the actual job, so when they moved me over to client accounts, she ended up looking like a total amateur.

I didn't know who to go to, until this coworker of mine—who basically has a VIP pass to the boss's office—
noticed something was off. Instead of me, she was the one who reported this nightmare mentor to the manager,
which finally got me moved away from that disaster.
I didn't have the guts to complain myself because I wasn't sure if I could actually
make them listen. 🙂

On top of that, I heard later from some other girls that she was badmouthing me and calling me stupid.
Normally, when she meets new people, she plays nice and buys them food to suck them in, but once they realize
what a piece of work she is, they bail fast.

We aren't all the same, unfortunately; there are plenty of people who have been in the industry for years but are just lazy and careless, and when they get an intern, they aren't mentors worth their salt. It's a scenario I see all the time.

What matters is that you gave it your all. It’s definitely tough hearing someone talk trash about you, but she sounds like a problematic person in general, not just with you, so her gossip doesn't really mean anything. Just keep doing your job as best as you can.

If you aren't working directly under her anymore and don't report to her, stop buying her coffee or sandwiches. Just give her a polite smile and say you can't. She has no backbone, so if you turn her down a few times, she'll probably just give up.

goldenheron6 said:Hey there.

So, I’m 26, and I feel like I should have my life together by now—you know, have a solid personality and actually know what I want out of things.
The problem is, I just can't bring myself to say "no" or shut someone down when they're being disrespectful.
It’s especially bad whenever I’m trying to fit into a new crowd, like starting a new job.
I’ve had two jobs so far, and both times I ended up dealing with some total jerk. At the first one, my boss was constantly barking orders and insulting me; at the second, she was straight-up gaslighting me. I still haven't figured out how to stand up for myself and tell them off to their face. Instead, a coworker had to step in and handle it for me, which finally got them to back off. I guess I’m just too soft and sensitive. I’m always worried about offending people, plus I really hate being the center of attention.

I don't deal with that older coworker anymore since I got transferred to a different
department, but get this—just a few days after the move, she shows up at my desk asking me to buy her stuff...
And of course, I couldn't even find the words to say "no" or even "I can't."
I just let people walk all over me and boss me around.

Now I'm wondering why I totally freeze up whenever I need to snap back at someone who's poking at me. My life is actually great—I live with my parents in a beautiful house, and since I'm an only child, I definitely got spoiled a bit. Everything is perfect on the home front.
But back in high school, I dealt with a lot of psychological bullying. Can that kind of stuff mess with you later on?

When you mention that you were psychologically bullied in high school, it sounds like a pattern is emerging—basically, those old issues from your school days are resurfacing in your professional life.

If we keep running into the same kinds of problems with different people, it usually means the issue lies within us. It’s actually a good sign that you’ve recognized this and genuinely want to work on yourself. Try looking closely at how you communicate with others; if you can be objective about yourself, try to admit where you might be slipping up.

Look, you aren't going to be able to dodge conflict or toxic people entirely. You'll run into them at every job, because that's just how the world works. Focus on strengthening your own sense of self and building up that confidence. Start small, with things that don't really matter. For example, make a rule for yourself that you won't pick up coffee or lunch for that one coworker who's always disrespectful to you. And don't budge on it, no matter what. If she asks, just say "no, sorry, I can't." Always remind yourself that she treats you poorly and hasn't earned any favors from you. Doing someone a favor like grabbing something while you're out is a kindness, not a requirement. It's not in your job description, and nobody can blame you for saying no. Anyone with common sense will back you up; some lady who acts like that doesn't deserve your help, especially given how she treats you.

I've definitely dealt with my fair share of older colleagues too. A lot of times they don't mean anything by it, but they forget they're at work—just because you're half their age doesn't mean you're their assistant or supposed to be running their errands.

I honestly think it’s worth taking a step back to figure out where you actually fit into an unfair mess. Like, can you even change the outcome? Can your own actions help turn things around? If you’re truly powerless to fix it, you have to ask yourself if staying to take the hit is even worth it, or if it's just time to walk away.

When life throws something unfair your way, you've gotta do everything in your power to protect yourself, no matter what. Sometimes you need to stand your ground and fight back, sometimes you just need to bail, and other times it's smarter to sleep on it and see how the dust settles—but whatever you do, make sure you're looking out for number one.

Steven Richardson46 said:Hey everyone, I noticed there are one or two similar threads floating around, but every conversation tells its own story, right?

Looking at the numbers here, we’ve got over 42 million posts and about 500k members—though I’d say at least half of you are actually active. And naturally, within that active crowd, you’re going to find everything: regular folks, therapists, doctors, criminals, good people, bad people, those struggling, people in recovery, scammers, you name it. That’s why I figure this is actually a solid place to go looking for some real advice...

So, let me just cut straight to the chase. My parents really coddled me growing up, but I was also constantly getting picked on or provoked by other kids. Because of that, I never really learned how to make my own decisions or stand my ground... To be honest, I almost never hit anyone back, even when I was just trying to defend myself.

Even now, I still carry this lingering anxiety. It makes me terrified of confrontation, regardless of whether the person is in the wrong or if they're bigger or smaller than me...
It’s like my soul is craving a fight, but I just can’t find the guts to step up.
My self-esteem is still pretty low, though it’s definitely better than it used to be.
Other areas of my life have improved significantly too, and I can handle things now that used to be impossible, but I really want to tap into that full sense of masculinity within me..

And look, I’m not trying to be some "alpha male" wannabe or anything like that; I just want to be able to react defensively when it’s necessary, plain and simple.

Honestly, I think 80% to 95% of men lack any real backbone, and so far, I'm right there with them.
Most guys just don't want to admit it publicly.

The truth is, we’re all basically at the mercy of our parents when we're kids; we listen to them and assume they’ve always got it right, which ends up building the core beliefs that shape our entire lives. That’s why any real psychoanalysis has to start right there in childhood.

Eventually, life tends to prove us wrong, and we start realizing that some of that parental advice was totally off the mark or just didn't fit the situation. But those "wrong" patterns get rooted so deep inside us that fighting them requires pure willpower.

You've pinpointed the issue—being a bit spoiled, but also struggling to react properly when people push your buttons. Now, most parents or teachers will tell you the solution is just to ignore the bullies, but ignoring provocation isn't a magic fix. You've realized on your own that you need to deflect those jabs, you're just stuck on the "how."

Since you never actually did it before—because someone else was always stepping in to defend you or you were just playing it safe—it feels like an impossible task. But honestly? It’s not! Trust me, standing your ground and brushing someone off is actually pretty easy😁, you just have to let go of that irrational fear you've built up in your own head. Just start with the little things.

A lot of times, people aren't actually trying to be malicious; they're just poorly raised, and because you're a polite guy, their behavior feels like a direct insult or a provocation. Not everyone grew up with manners, and not everyone is cultured or educated; some folks genuinely don't know how to say please or thank you, and being rude or mocking others is just their default mode. You have to accept them for who they are (especially if you have to deal with them at work), but you absolutely have to protect yourself and refuse to let anyone disrespect you or make you feel bad. Don't let that happen.

Susan Robinson3 said:I completely agree with this point👍

If the immediate circle, whether it be parents or caregivers, was incredibly cold, envious of others, pessimistic, or vindictive, there is a high probability that their child will turn out the same way, if not worse.

For instance, living here in the States, that envious mentality really bothers me; someone drives a nice car or owns a great apartment, and people immediately try to tear them down. People can be so malicious... not to mention other things, it's as if other people's happiness actually bothers them. To me, that's a perfect example of the collective malice that seems so typical among certain groups in America.

I’d have to agree, and honestly, I think we still carry that "groupthink" mentality in our heads, even with the younger crowd since they were raised by parents who feel the same way; it all goes back to that old-school collectivist upbringing where they taught us about helping each other, which is great, but also hammered home the idea that everyone has to be exactly the same. That’s where the friction comes from. We aren't living in a world anymore where everyone drives a beat-up old Ford, wears basic stuff from a local department store, and wears the same cheap shoes; nowadays, the gap is massive, ranging from driving nothing at all to cruising in a Mercedes-Benz, wearing coats from $17 a China shop to $1667 high-end designer labels, and rocking footwear from $10 budget brands to $1000 luxury names, and people definitely notice that difference.

Some folks just haven't adjusted to the reality that growing up in the same neighborhood as Ivica doesn't mean you'll end up on the exact same path; Ivica might climb the ladder, land a manager role with five times the salary, and drive a BMW, choosing to spend his weekends at upscale restaurants rather than hanging out at the local park with the old crew. And look, Ivica isn't a bad guy for that—he’s just living a different life.

Don't get me wrong though, people are also rightfully pissed off about corruption and corporate greed, because that's when someone steals THEIR money to fund their own Mercedes-Benz lifestyle, private yachts, and jets. It makes sense why people who built wealth through those shady means get mocked and hated, but that's really a whole different conversation.

I’m a firm believer that you really have to fight for your own happiness, you know? At the end of the day, there’s just no better feeling than knowing you’re living life on your own terms, breathing easy, instead of just being some mindless robot or a puppet dancing on someone else's strings.

Honestly, I think the hardest part of everything is just being yourself. It’s pretty rare to find people who are actually "authentic" or truly original these days. You need a massive amount of self-confidence, some real wisdom, and a deep understanding of who you are just to stand your ground against all that social pressure. Most people stay miserable simply because they're too scared to change—they just accept a life that makes them unhappy rather than actually stepping up and shaking things up.

I honestly feel like it’s just such a primitive way to try and flex some kind of "superiority" or importance, which you see way too often in small-town areas with the older generation.

They used to hand out those little treats to kids and teenagers, or even young adults, just to show everyone who was boss😁 Either way, it’s straight-up disrespectful and we shouldn't just let people get away with it.

driftinghound12 said:I couldn't find an existing thread for this, so I’m starting my own because I’m genuinely preoccupied with it... I view this more as a psychology question than a philosophical one. Throughout my life, I've made a conscious effort to be a good person—honest, fair, someone who pursues goals through creativity and hard work, and stays kind and helpful to everyone. I try to approach everything with a positive mindset. It would all be much easier to enjoy if there weren't people in my orbit who seem hell-bent on causing harm. Generally speaking, these are individuals who thrive on destruction, constantly seeking validation by stepping on others. They just seem drawn to malice.

One such person pretended to be my friend, only to steal my boyfriend after we had been together for years. Another is my sister; when I confided my plans to her, she rushed to execute them herself just to snatch the credit. She loves nitpicking me over trivialities and belittling me to others to make herself look better. Then there was a colleague at work who swiped one of my ideas—in a workplace where we're supposed to be collaborating toward a shared goal—and took all the praise for it.

Why are some people naturally drawn to darkness, finding satisfaction in tearing things down for their own gain? How are you supposed to handle them once they've already won? What can be done as a preventative measure? Clearly, I’m attracting this kind of energy somehow; perhaps I’m trying too hard to be nice or "good," making myself an easy target for exploitation. I also don't understand why society seems to reward these types. They’re arrogant and "resourceful," knowing how to grab what they want without putting in any actual sweat or effort. Nowadays, it feels like screwing someone over has become normalized, while being decent is treated as the anomaly. Lately, I've become so guarded and disillusioned with people that I don't trust anyone, let alone want to go out. It got so bad that I actually attempted suicide because the pressure from these toxic people became suffocating. I just feel like I'm worthless and that none of my efforts matter.🤦

You are absolutely right about everything you said. There really are malicious people out there who live to hurt others. It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling disillusioned and hurting after everything you've been through. But you have to remember that there are billions of people on this planet, even if it feels like you're stuck in a small bubble of about thirty people—family, coworkers, friends—that you interact with every day. If those thirty people happen to be toxic, disrespectful, or just totally incompatible with who you are, that is more than enough to drive someone into a depression. It makes sense that you feel like the whole world is selfish because your immediate circle is giving you that pattern, but please believe me when I say that isn't the whole story.

My advice? Let them go as fast as you can. I know it feels impossible right now, but there is a way out, and there are genuinely good people out there—you just have to find them and let them in. Life is precious, and your time is far too valuable to waste agonizing over why bad people act the way they do; they aren't going to change, and you'll only regret wasting your energy on them. You are a good person, and you've acted with integrity in every situation, so please be proud of yourself. Plenty of people would respect and value you; you just need to find your tribe. You didn't do anything wrong, though I suppose you did make one big mistake by not recognizing the bad actors sooner.

Work on that. Don't waste your huge heart on people who don't appreciate it—it's like throwing pearls before swine. And don't assume everyone operates on your wavelength; for instance, you value teamwork, a positive vibe, and honesty at work, so you treat everyone with that same standard, assuming they care about it too. BUT THEY DON'T! Maybe Peter in accounting is just trying to suck up to the boss to get a promotion, and since you can't see that, you keep playing fair. Or maybe Mary the assistant is just trying to charm HR so she can steal your ideas and pass them off as her own to climb the ladder! For them, concepts like "honesty" or "teamwork" are nothing more than a fairy tale about > and the seven dwarfs. The values you live by are a joke to them, just as their behavior is a shock to you. Moving forward, just try to read people a little more carefully.

placidwolf27 said:No, that would be fine—that’s clear enough. If that were the case, we wouldn't effectively owe anyone anything; we'd just handle our own business, and if someone tries to manipulate you, you either shut them down or, if the situation is truly screwed, you just deal with the fallout...

But when someone unprompted burdens you with the weight of their "help"—or things they did specifically for you—and all you can offer in return is gratitude, it creates this nauseating, cramped sensation... something akin to pity, I suppose...

In my view, it’s like someone handing you a gift you never asked for—actually, it's worse if it's something you actually needed in the moment. Sure, great, you got what you needed, but now you're stuck in this loop... and now what exactly are you supposed to do with that?...

I mean, a person does something kind for you, and suddenly you're left wondering how to navigate the obligation of it all... and what comes next...

I'm not sure exactly how this person helped you, but honestly, if you're getting that nasty, sinking feeling in your gut, listen to your instincts, because there's definitely something off about this "help" or "favor." Like we talked about before, not everyone helps out because they're actually kind or selfless, so you really have to look at why people are stepping up for you. I once saw this "philanthropist" giving a speech where he went on and on about exactly how much money he donated, calling the people he helped "the poor and the helpless," and obviously expecting everyone to practically bow down whenever they see him on the street because his "greatness" is just so huge. He acted like he'd put them in his debt forever and that everyone owed him, especially those two kids who should be eternally grateful. Honestly, when those kids grow up, they shouldn't feel *grateful*—I mean, sure, the guy did a good thing, but that doesn't give him the right to brag about it to anyone who will listen. If you want to help, just help and keep your mouth shut, instead of being selfish and branding those kids who already suffered enough through their parents' poverty. To me, that's a perfect example of doing something "good" for purely selfish reasons, and the damage caused by his bragging and ego is real. In a situation like that, it’d be totally normal if those kids grew up and felt zero gratitude when they remembered him and what happened.

Let me give you an example of what a healthy, helpful relationship actually looks like. Say you have a friend who hears that a big company like Google or Amazon posted a job opening, and the description fits your skills perfectly while you're looking for work. Your friend passes that info along, and you apply. Regardless of whether you get the job or not, I think that's a massive reason to be thankful to that friend—just the simple fact that they looked out for you and shared that lead.👍

placidwolf27 said:I honestly can’t wrap my head around how you can think—let alone feel—in such a way. I mean, I grasp the basic logic behind what you’re saying, but my brain just refuses to process it... it’s like trying to explain to me that sandpaper is actually smooth, or that a piece of cardboard is somehow a brick

I mean, how can a thing possibly depend on "how you look at it" in the first place?
People love to throw that cliché around constantly, but even then, I don't see how it applies here
That would imply that my actual, lived experience isn't "accurate"—that the raw sensation of frustration, hatred, helplessness, or shame I feel in a specific moment is somehow "incorrect"... as if the "correct" version would be noticing some beautiful bird on a branch, or how perfectly the sunlight hits the blinds, making everything feel alright again

I don't know, I just can't get there. I understand the theory—that there should be some sort of process involved. We could argue that all this internal chaos happening inside a person is mostly just nonsense, and that there ought to be ways to deal with it properly, somehow... but once you start down that path, there’s no turning back. You can't just decide that the negative stuff is suddenly bullshit while claiming the positive stuff is "truth." That’s not how it works; it's all just equally meaningless bullshit

Besides, those little bursts of positivity—some pleasant day or a clerk at the DMV being nice to you—they don't even reach a level of significance where they could actually change anything. They simply don't matter

Look, I laid everything out from my own point of view, and obviously, we aren't all cut from the same cloth, so we aren't going to see things the same way.

What's universal for everyone is the fact that we project our internal state and moods outward onto the world. Things and people exist around us, and it's totally up to us how we react to them. There's no such thing as an absolute truth. If you theoretically took two people living identical lives, one could be happy most of the time while the other is miserable. How does that work? It's because they have different perspectives and different ways of experiencing their surroundings and the people in them. For example, imagine they both fail a huge midterm at UCLA. One might get crushed, decide they're a failure, and just give up on school entirely. The other will be disappointed too, but they'll look at the situation objectively, admit where they messed up, and study harder to pass next time. They won't waste energy whining; they'll channel that energy into doing better. A string of situations like that eventually builds either satisfaction or frustration with life. You know the old cliché about the glass being half full or half empty? It all depends on how you see it. Some people find a lesson in a loss or a sad moment and end up being grateful later because that lesson changed their whole outlook.

Also, if I were in your shoes, I'd start questioning the kind of people you're hanging out with. Don't take this the wrong way, but in healthy, normal relationships, people see help as a gesture of friendship that brings them closer, yet you felt incapable just because someone lent you a hand. Something feels off about that kind of assistance. I want to tell you that not everyone helps because they're a good person. Unfortunately, there are people who help primarily so others will feel indebted to them, or just to make themselves look important and powerful. They help for selfish reasons to prove they're big-time philanthropists or super capable, all while subtly making the other person feel inferior. So, it's completely understandable why you wouldn't feel any gratitude toward people like that.

placidwolf27 said:I don't know... there are certain people I have reasons to be thankful to, and frankly, that's an uncomfortable, even degrading sensation to sit with...

As for everything else—I don't know. To whom am I supposed to give thanks for, say, my anatomy? To whom?

But it’s never truly finished—we don't even know if it's finished once you die. We just comfort ourselves with the notion that, based on what we know, death is finally the end. All those things I possess that I might lose—those theoretical scenarios where I have nothing, or even actual times when I had nothing—they haven't sparked any sense of gratitude in me. They just add to the misery of having to exist. All those things that are supposedly "sources" of gratitude are merely things that make existence bearable, or simply keep it going... and nobody asked for this in the first place.

How exactly are you supposed to be grateful for being hungry every single day? If there were no food, you wouldn't be hungry every day...
but you *are* hungry every day.
And thirsty every day...
And you wake up and get out of bed every day...
And you're tired and want to sleep every day...
And you perform endless, absurd rituals every day—most often the exact same ones over and over...
And tomorrow, you'll be hungry again.

And that's just the easy part...

Well, I'm hungry because I'm a human being, obviously.😁

To be real with you, it’s kind of sad that you can't find any gratitude in anything, and that seeing people help one another feels like proof of your own incompetence, based on what you said.

Everyone is just out here trying to find some kind of purpose. Once you actually find it, I think everything becomes a lot easier to handle. What you described—people getting up every day, feeling thirsty, being tired, and running through these loops of absurd actions—that's just called LIFE. And it really all comes down to your perspective. If you look at it as nothing but a series of pointless chores, then that's all it's ever going to be. But if you see it as a gift—something precious and once-in-a-lifetime—where you realize you have the chance to help someone or brighten their mood, and you're the type of person who actually enjoys that, then everything starts to make sense. It finds meaning when you do something totally mundane, like heading to the Post Office and giving the clerk a genuine smile that actually turns their whole day around, or when you're driving and a song you love comes on so you crank up the radio, or just stepping outside and catching a gorgeous sunny day... Life isn't about those massive milestones and huge achievements; it's found in all those little everyday moments.

placidwolf27 said:They claim gratitude is some sort of inherently positive emotion—there are even entire self-help squads out there preaching these ritualized daily gratitude practices, suggesting they supposedly bolster one's psychological resilience over the long haul.

I just don't grasp what makes gratitude "positive" in essence, or why it should be viewed as such... nor am I clear on what one is actually supposed to be thankful for, or even why it matters in the first place.

I mean, seriously... what is that even about?

Gratitude is a genuine positive feeling and it really is a path toward happiness.

You start feeling truly grateful when you realize that everything you have could vanish in an instant, reminding you that nothing in life is guaranteed and nothing should ever be taken for granted.

I can give you a super simple, almost cliché example of when I felt real gratitude toward food. We all know food is a basic necessity, and we know there are people struggling with hunger in Africa and we feel for them, but we don't usually dwell on that while grabbing a quick snack on the go. There was this one stretch in my life where I was just slammed with work and traveling constantly, so I ended up living on fast food. Since I usually eat pretty healthy and junk food isn't really my thing, it was a rough patch for me, so I decided to "reset" by fasting for a full day—no food and no water. It was incredibly tough, but I pushed through and woke up early the next morning. After an entire day without anything, that single glass of water I had in the morning tasted better than anything I've ever had, and the same goes for my bowl of oatmeal with honey and almonds. I savored the look of it, the smell, and finally, every single bite like never before😁. Honestly, I felt like I should've bought that bowl of oatmeal a gift because of how much gratitude I felt in that moment😁!

With that little example, I guess I’m just trying to say that we shouldn't take anything for granted and we shouldn't have to lose everything just to learn how to appreciate it. It's the same with food, our health, our friends, our family... we should be grateful for everything we have.

Jesse Watson37 said:So, I’m currently halfway through Joan Didion's "Accused." The book focuses heavily on abuse, but it also dives deep into those toxic, obsessive dynamics between men and women.
Since I went through my own phase of being way too possessive about a year and a half ago, I’ve been wondering: what actually drives people to show their darker side? Why is it so hard to let go? Why do we cling to impossible situations when walking away is clearly the better move? What is that impulse? In the novel, even after her ex-husband and current on-again, off-again boyfriend basically throw her aside, she still ends up crawling back and humiliating herself. Why do we get so possessive?

I honestly think being possessive is just part of our DNA, at least to a certain point. Think about kids—older siblings are always jealous of the new baby because they want their parents all to themselves. Even with pets, you’ll see them act totally jealous if you give attention to another dog. To me, it feels like an instinctual survival thing from when we were little; we needed someone to take care of us, so we naturally wanted that person exclusively.

As we grow up, though, we really should be working on letting go of that need to own people. We have to realize we can stand on our own two feet and make our own calls, treating the people in our lives as equals rather than things we depend on for everything.

Personally, I don't struggle with it much, but I've definitely dealt with possessive types before. Let me tell you, intense possessiveness and a healthy, fulfilling relationship—whether it's romantic, a friendship, or family—just don't mix. People can sense that clinginess and that constant need to be attached, and sooner or later, it starts to feel suffocating.

I stumbled upon this quote yesterday that hit me hard, and it felt so empowering that I just had to share it here. It might be exactly what anyone struggling with possessiveness needs to hear:

The best day of your life is the day you decide that your life belongs entirely to you.
No apologies needed, and no excuses.
No leaning on anyone else, no depending on anyone, and no pointing fingers at others for your own mistakes.
That day is yours.

Drew Fox4 said:Well said.

thanks Geron.

It really just depends on your perspective, you know? Personally, I don't view life as some kind of brutal battle where there's always a winner and a loser—that mindset feels pretty harsh and alien to me, even if I respect that a lot of people see things that way.

You've gotta stay strong and just be yourself. Like, is someone really going to label us a "loser" just because they finished a few spots behind in a local 5K marathon or something? That sounds totally ridiculous to me. A race is just one tiny little piece of the massive puzzle that makes up a life. That runner competing isn't just an athlete; she’s also someone’s daughter, a girlfriend, a friend, a neighbor, a mom, or a coworker... We all play so many different roles, and at the end of the day, what actually matters is being happy with the big picture, not some single sports score. Life isn't defined by constant competition or trying to outdo everyone else.

We aren't just machines programmed to compete or random numbers on a corporate spreadsheet. We're human beings.

Carl Rivera43 said:A win only counts if you actually earned it.

But then you’ve got that whole "it’s just about showing up" argument.

People love talking about the "moral victory" too, especially when the refs absolutely botch a call.

Honestly, if you're someone who's been screwed over by bad officiating your entire career, you'll appreciate a real, hard-fought win more than anyone else.

I'm definitely leaning towards the side of saying that just participating is what matters most.

Honestly, I've never been big on competition, and that whole "winner takes all" mindset feels kind of gross to me because, let's face it, if there's a winner, there's always a loser, right?

To me, winners are just anyone who gives it their all, and that's really the only yardstick worth using. I see having a winning mindset as more about discovering who you are, testing your own limits, living by your own rules, and finding peace with yourself—and ultimately, with life itself. People who live like that are my heroes, and they're the ones who are truly winning.

Anthony White85 said:Over the last year, I’ve somehow drifted into a state of pure resentment toward everything.
I didn't even realize how much I was isolating myself, turning down invitations and pulling away from everyone. I’ve stopped buying things altogether. My phone screen is shattered, and while I have the savings to fix it, I just can't bring myself to buy anything nice—except for the occasional candy bar or soda.😛

For instance, I dealt with some physical health issues that eventually spiraled into mental ones. Even after my physical health stabilized, I realized I was stuck in a depression. I started lying to people just to push them away, lost all my drive... it’s been a struggle. I wanted to change, but as time went on, I passed up chances at relationships because I felt it wouldn't be fair to get involved while being this unhappy. Avoiding intimacy only made the loneliness worse.

Has anyone else navigated this, or is anyone currently in the same boat? I honestly can't see an end in sight.

Pretty much everyone hits a wall at some point; we all deal with different stuff, but I think it's fair to say everyone goes through those rough patches where it feels like things will never get better.

I totally agree with you that jumping into a relationship while you're struggling isn't the move. Try to sit down and really dig into what's making you unhappy—when did this all start and why do you feel the need to pull away from everyone? Once you answer those questions, being brutally honest with yourself, you'll probably find that half your problems are already halfway solved.

I know the media and people around us (honestly, just look at Instagram😁) are constantly pushing this "LIFE IS PERFECT" narrative, but that's so far from reality! There are seasons in life where you DON'T need a massive circle of friends, going out every night, acting happy and cool, having a partner, traveling, and having everyone begging to hang out. Personally, I think sometimes you just need to allow yourself to isolate a bit to work through certain issues and doubts, so in that sense, pulling back can actually be a good thing. Just try starting by doing the little things you actually enjoy that make you feel a bit better.