Posts by Lawrence Bailey77

I suspect this might be enough to get you dropped from the psychology program altogether☕

Jeffrey Ramos4 said:I mean, any setting that makes sex feel incredible is a win in my book 🤷🥳😂 But seriously... 😬 It’s about the lighting, being out in nature, that sense of pure freedom, having all those ways to express yourself—the colors, the sounds, the scents..... 🙂

particularly when one considers the sexual context, though I hesitate to be too explicit 😍

What man... who on earth are we even talking about here?

Who exactly is Tom Price?

Is he that one troll who keeps getting banned, yet somehow manages to crawl his way back every single time?😵

To put it bluntly; if you find their regulations to be utterly nonsensical and frankly quite insulting 😁, then I suppose the solution is simply to establish your own set of rules! 😉

Best of luck 👍

briskrider17 said:Thanks for the input and the advice; I’ll admit it gave me a bit of a boost. 🙂 Honestly, you might actually make a decent psychologist!👍
Now, two questions are starting to weigh on me. Since I tend toward this kind of deep thinking—sometimes way too intensely—I find myself wondering how I can truly feel that inner emptiness I’m constantly trying to fill through various distractions, whether it's grabbing coffee, idling around, or spending hours playing mindless games like Agar.io or whatever. Sure, it feels fine in the moment, but it isn't productive; just search "Agar.io" and you'll see what I mean.
It is a bit of a paradox, though. Why does my tendency toward intellectual work—studying everything under the sun—not result in anything concrete or beneficial for me? And not just for me, but for anyone else, either. After all, the supposed hallmark of an "intellectual" is to positively impact their surroundings, to aid in the development of the individual or the community through mental labor, creating solutions and offering ideas where the "zombies" can't even begin to grasp them.

It’s like trying to explain to a fool that he’s being stupid... a total paradox. 😬

Exactly. By the time you manage to teach a fool a lesson, you’ve already made a fool of yourself. And in the end, that fool usually ends up screwing you over—I know from personal experience, several times now. That's probably why I spend most of my time laughing... 🤔

You know what I mean... if I’m not doing anything wrong to myself or anyone else, then I’m not doing anything wrong at all 😉 — logically speaking 😁

My only goal is to just be a person... though, obviously, in an absolute sense, one might need to feed those little selfish impulses slightly without causing too much collateral damage, haha. I try to avoid all those predefined social roles.

I suppose I have more thoughts! Here’s one; neither of us really needs a psychologist, nor does anyone else need a patient.😉 Thanks for the compliment... it is always a bit of a relief to be recognized by some semblance of intelligence amidst a sea of human stupidity.😬 Of course, if you ever feel the need for a professional conversation, psychologists are a wise choice, but they aren't the only option—I wouldn't want to imply that I am providing actual professional help now or in the future.

Quincy:

Now, two questions seem to be weighing on me. Since I tend toward this kind of mental heavy lifting—sometimes far too intensely—thinking for myself perhaps a bit too much, how can I truly feel anything beyond that deep internal void I keep trying to fill? I try everything from drinking coffee, idling around, to spending hours playing mindless games like Agar.io or something similar. Sometimes it feels fine, but it isn't productive; just search for "Agar.io" and you'll see what I mean.

Just keep asking questions... I think I would be more worried if you stopped having them.😉

No artist or philosopher ever has it easy... and you know, they never really go on vacation—the brain just keeps churning away. You have to learn how to rest within that work... it isn't easy, and it certainly isn't fast. And be careful with those habits used to fill the void. Drugs and alcohol cost many people their health and their lives... sex is perhaps a little less fatal, but even that can lead to extremes. Learning and research can be good additions... especially when paired with intimacy... provided everything stays under control. Anyway, I'm full of unsolicited advice here; please don't take offense... it is up to you to adapt things to your own needs and figure out how to live more easily and, hopefully, more productively. I don't know if I'm making sense... feelings don't lie, but they can cause quite a bit of chaos if the mind isn't clear. Listen to your feelings, but don't let them run the show; then again, you can't really control them either. It's all a bit much... man, if I knew the answers, I'd gladly tell you, but I don't know everything... I'm still barely getting to know myself.😵 Take it slow, stay patient, and just be brave... as I said, for artistic souls, it was never easy, and circumstances are simply what they are... hang in there, friend.🙂

Quincy:

It seems a bit paradoxical. So, why does this inclination toward intellectual pursuits, specifically studying everything, not result in anything concrete or beneficial for me? And not just for me, but for those around me either...

Well, you were born this way... shaped this way. I suppose, regardless of what those traits actually are, life is simply better if you embrace them and remain honest with yourself. To try and force a transformation, to spend an entire lifetime pretending to be someone else, seems like nothing more than pure suffering—a wasted existence, really. The struggles you are facing are, unfortunately, quite natural given your position. I truly hope you come to realize that you aren't to blame for finding things difficult; these are just the circumstances, the "nature of things," I guess. It is easy for me to sit here and speak with such perspective now, having weathered my own share of experiences, but I remember how heavy it all felt back then. It takes time to process everything, to truly grasp it. Perhaps the worst part of my own journey was that I was far too cautious, perhaps even overly sensitive. I spent so much time avoiding certain experiences that might have provided much faster lessons, but there isn't time to dwell on regrets. Life is far too short for that. Just remember, your intelligence is your strength—it is a virtue. Please, do not punish yourself simply because your mind is healthy and happens to work a little faster than most.

Lawrence Bailey77: I suppose I should address this, though I suspect my input might be largely superfluous in the grand scheme of things. It seems we are once again circling the drain of this particular debate, much like a weary traveler circling a roadside diner in Nebraska, hoping for a meal that isn't entirely disappointing, yet knowing full well the coffee will be bitter. There is a certain inevitability to these discussions, I think. One attempts to apply logic to matters that are inherently chaotic, only to find oneself lost in the weeds of semantics. Perhaps I am being too cynical, or perhaps I have simply seen this play out one too many times in various corners of the country. Regardless, the core issue remains unresolved, drifting aimlessly like a lost soul on a highway outside of Des Moines. I guess there is little point in pretending otherwise.

I suppose one could argue that the true mark of an "intellectual" lies in their ability to actually impact their surroundings. It would seem their purpose is to foster the growth of the individual or perhaps the community at large through their mental labor—offering solutions and generating ideas in those spaces where the "zombies" of society can't even begin to comprehend the problem. I guess, if one follows that logic, their value is measured by that specific capacity to create where others simply stagnate.

That is precisely the case... though it feels quite heavy when you dwell on it. It is simply "human nature," I suppose. In the short term, one might fail to see the pattern; you cannot truly gauge the situation because, unfortunately, experience remains one of our only reliable instruments of measurement. No one else—not even the most well-meaning advisor—can validate your thoughts, your studies, your assessments, or your decisions. Only your own lived experience holds that weight. Yet, even experience isn't the sole arbiter. There is this vast, overwhelming thing we call the cosmos—or the universe, depending on who you ask—of which we are merely a tiny part. It is infinitely larger than you, or any collection of Americans combined. Perhaps that is why a certain degree of modesty serves us well in these matters. It helps one maintain a sense of proportion and, perhaps more importantly, prevents being overly harsh on oneself. 😉

Lawrence Bailey77:

It really is quite simple. By the time you actually manage to talk sense into a fool, you’ve already wasted your own time. And if I’m being honest—and I know this from my own rather unfortunate experiences on more than one occasion—that fool usually ends up getting the better of you in the end anyway. I suppose that might be why I find myself laughing all the time... or at least, that's how I justify it to myself.

It seems that experience has a way of providing counsel even when one hasn't directly lived through the circumstances. I suppose if you hadn't faced those specific trials yourself, you might not have arrived at such a firm perspective. Perhaps. 🧐

Lawrence Bailey77:

I suppose there is a certain logic to it, if one stares at it long enough. It’s a rather simple proposition, really. I mean, if I am not actively causing harm to myself, nor am I going out of my way to inflict misery upon anyone else, then by any reasonable metric, I am not doing anything wrong. It sounds almost too elementary, doesn't it? Perhaps there is more nuance required in this messy existence, but I find myself leaning toward this particular brand of minimalism. If there is no malice intended and no self-destruction occurring, then I guess we can just call it a neutral state. It isn't exactly a philosophy that would win any awards, but it keeps things quiet. 😉 It stands to reason, I suppose. D.

I suppose some philosophers would argue that doing good is inherently sufficient in its own right. There is no need for a trophy, nor is there any requirement for a formal classification system or a ranking of merit. I guess the idea is simply that goodness is goodness, and once you accept that, the matter is settled. It’s quite a simple concept, really, though perhaps a bit too uncomplicated for my liking. 👍

briskrider17 As if I haven't heard this all before. It’s becoming a bit of a tired refrain, isn't it? One might almost say it's predictable, though I suppose predictability has its own certain, albeit dull, comfort. Anyway, they said:
Wait just a moment. I suppose I am only just now beginning to learn the art of being a hypocrite toward everyone else, while somehow remaining stubbornly sincere with myself. 😁

I have no intention of waiting around... life is far too fleeting for that. I’ve offered my perspective and my advice, but at the end of the day, you’re free to do exactly as you please. I suspect you might be making a mistake, though I suppose we’ve all been there at one point or another. From what I can see, you aren't exactly lacking in self-criticism, so I don't worry too much about your progress; I imagine you'll eventually reach your goals and find the answers you're looking for. 😉 I suppose there is absolutely nothing wrong with analysis—perhaps even a bit of deep, exhaustive study if one has the patience for it. I won't go so far as to say one should obsessively pore over everything, but there is a certain value in it. It seems to me that those who harbor a fundamental aversion to any sort of mental exertion—not to mention actual intellectual rigor—are either somewhat dim-witted or, perhaps more likely, they are simply terrified of the burden of choice and the weight of free thought. In my estimation, this tendency toward intellectual laziness is actually the most common pathology found within the American social fabric. It’s quite a strange way to look at it, I know, but it feels true. Those rare individuals who actually dare to think for themselves tend to be viewed as a nuisance by the masses of mindless zombies out there. A bit of a paradox, isn't it? Heh. 😵

It seems to me that those who refuse to play the game—those who aren't hypocrites just to satisfy their surroundings—usually end up getting screwed over. I suppose it’s a pattern, though perhaps I'm being a bit cynical. It feels like if you don't wear the mask everyone expects, life tends to push back quite hard. Maybe that's just how the world works, but it certainly doesn't feel particularly fair.

Does it feel like that to you? And there’s an ellipsis... plus a question mark. Hehe. Honestly, I suppose it doesn't matter much what one "feels" things to be. A person experiences so many different perceptions throughout their life that they tend to lose their edge. Still, I suppose these kinds of situations are useful, if only to force a bit of self-reflection—to pause and reconsider who you actually are, what you stand for, and how you truly feel about it all. From my own experience, I would venture to say that raw intuition rarely lies. It doesn't deceive. Of course, the human brain is quite capable of tricking itself into believing all sorts of nonsense, but that gut feeling remains primal. In those ambiguous moments where everything feels uncertain, I find it best to simply follow that instinct. When I'm faced with those "I think" scenarios, it becomes a physical thing for me; if my intuition tells me a situation is right, or conversely, if it feels fundamentally wrong, I feel it deep in my bones. 🙂

I suppose I’ve reached a certain point where I no longer have the energy or perhaps even the inclination to spend my life being constantly manipulated by people who thrive on psychological games. It isn't really my style anymore. Instead, I think I'd much rather focus on learning how to actually stand my ground against those kinds of mindfuckers... or, at the very least, figure out how to build a proper defense so they can't get close in the first place. Maybe that's just how it goes as you get older, I guess.

It feels somewhat futile, I suppose, like attempting to explain the concept of logic to someone who is fundamentally committed to being dense. It’s a bit of a paradox, really—one might argue that you aren't actually communicating at all, but rather just performing a ritual of wasted breath. 😬

Regarding this whole business of focusing on my inner self, I must admit it hasn't exactly yielded any positive results thus far. It seems that while I am busy preoccupied with myself—meticulously analyzing how I ought to behave or what I need to do just to feel a bit more centered internally—those critical moments where actual, concrete action is required simply slip through my fingers. For instance, there are those instances where I really should just say something simple like, "Hey, it’s okay, take it easy," but instead, I spend the entire duration overthinking the most optimal, psychologically sound way to phrase it. It’s almost absurd, I suppose. So, in the end, I just end up wasting time. Though, perhaps "wasted" isn't quite the right word; it feels more like I've merely succeeded in uncovering six hundred different mistakes that I can then spend days upon days ruminating over. And so it goes, day after day.
There are moments, I suppose, when I manage to step away from this incessant, overactive analysis and actually become productive—to simply get things done. But it isn't a sustained state of being. It’s fleeting. Before long, I find myself spiraling right back into that exhausting cycle of self-scrutiny. It feels rather selfish, if I’m being honest. I suspect it is.

I suppose my logic is this... if I am not actively causing harm to myself or anyone else, then I am doing nothing wrong. It seems quite straightforward, really. 😉

So, if I decide to spend an entire year just staring at a rock in front of me, what right does anyone have to tell me otherwise? If that's what I want, they can just go jump in a lake. Honestly, it’s mostly people who don't even know what they want for themselves, or lack the sheer courage to look in a mirror and actually face reality. Feel free to sit there and ponder whatever you like, but please, spare me the surrounding idiocy. 👍

In the most literal sense, I couldn't care less what the world thinks of me or how I live my life. Everyone seems obsessed with fulfilling their own little "goals," even if that goal is simply being the biggest troublemaker on the block. (Which might be a compliment, I suppose, and perhaps provides a certain thrill—something I haven't experienced personally...) Regardless, nobody owes me anything, and I certainly owe them nothing.

What I have said regarding my own conduct applies to everyone else as well. If you aren't out there hurting people, why should you care what others think? Don't let them push you around, but don't go looking for trouble either. It is a very simple philosophy. Follow these basic rules, and you might find that life becomes significantly less exhausting. 😉

You know that old saying... if you find yourself surrounded by hypocrites, you might as well join them ☕

If I were to offer any counsel, I suppose I’d suggest casting aside all hypocrisy—starting, naturally, with your own. I suspect that if a person isn't honest with themselves, nothing else they achieve truly matters 🙂

Circumstances and social circles are one thing, I suppose... but rather than fretting over those, perhaps it would be wiser to focus on oneself and one's own inner state. How you present yourself, or how society perceives you, is ultimately "their" business 🧐 and shouldn't weigh too heavily on your mind, provided, of course, that you aren't being threatened in a literal sense 😬

Not really. If you truly "lose your mind," there won't be anyone left to notice the shift... though whatever remains will certainly feel different 😬

Besides, it’s practically impossible to establish a baseline... I mean, what even constitutes a "mind" in this context? 😉

Personally, I started feeling quite unsettled when I realized I no longer viewed the people around me as particularly sane individuals. After spending several years seeking "professional" guidance... my suspicions—or rather, my observations—have actually been validated by science. It really is just a massive collection of lunatics ☕

"I have come here to chew bubblegum..."

And the "leaders" of this mob are all too happy to label free thinkers as irrational, artists as crazies, and anyone who doesn't fit their mold as an outsider 😵... unless, of course, a person believes they haven't lived through enough to tell their own story 🐔

lonehound14 said:Since I couldn't find an open thread here specifically discussing suicide, and seeing as one was recently locked, I wanted to bring up the connection between mental health crises and road safety. Specifically, can we do anything to help people before they take their own lives and end up killing innocent bystanders in the process?
I actually started a discussion on another thread about a highway accident where it looks like the driver went the wrong way on a major interstate, essentially committing suicide and taking two innocent people with them.
What kind of methods could actually identify these types of tendencies in drivers?
Can extreme road rage triggered by someone else's minor mistake be seen as a red flag for this, or is it something else entirely? More importantly, can society implement any effective ways to mitigate the fallout from these disorders?
Has anyone here ever felt a similar impulse—just pure, dark frustration with traffic situations?
I’d appreciate hearing about your experiences or any personal struggles you've dealt with regarding mental health.

The issue at hand is merely a cough... in the worst-case scenario, perhaps pneumonia. But what you’re describing here is a much more dangerous sort of "illness." If we are following the clinical definitions used by psychiatrists, that would be classified as a disease—a permanent pathology. A disorder, on the other hand, tends to be something more short-term, though I suppose it can certainly evolve into a full-blown disease over time. Now, I should clarify that I am hardly an expert on this. I’ve just spent a little bit of time looking into the terminology to get my bearings. I don't mean to lecture you or act like I have all the answers—as I said, I’m no professional. ☕

Has anyone else here experienced those sudden, inexplicable surges of agitation—perhaps even a physical urge to lash out—simply because of the sheer absurdity of certain traffic situations? I find myself wondering if it's just me, or if others have felt that specific brand of road rage simmering beneath the surface after dealing with particularly incompetent drivers on the interstate.

I must admit, I was feeling so profoundly despondent earlier that I nearly ended it all right there in the middle of a crosswalk. It was quite a grim scene, really. I felt as though I were drifting through this life entirely numb, almost suicidal in my apathy toward the oncoming traffic. To be perfectly honest, no one even blinked; not a single soul seemed to notice or care that someone was essentially inviting disaster on a public street. I suppose I should clarify, though—I didn't actually go through with it. I lacked the nerve, I guess. And, when I sit back and reflect on it with a bit more distance, the whole thing was rather foolish. Just a momentary lapse into a very dark, very irrational headspace.

... if I recall correctly, how did Einstein define it? It seems rather futile, doesn't it? I suppose there is a certain level of absurdity in repeating the exact same action over and over again while somehow expecting a different outcome. It’s a cycle that feels both predictable and entirely exhausting.

Objectively speaking, people continue to suffer, and quite frankly, nothing ever seems to change regarding this issue. I suppose if I were to face my own misfortune again, it wouldn't actually alter the course of anything; the only certain outcome would be that those around me would simply end up grieving even more deeply after everything that has transpired. So... we see thousands of suicides occurring, yet what exactly has been achieved? It remains clear that suicide is still treated as a taboo subject in this country. One could argue there hasn't been any real progress at all. 😵 It seems we have arrived at that familiar, rather tiresome crossroads where censorship once again emerges as one of the primary instruments of modern society. I suppose it’s almost predictable at this stage. It serves as a convenient mechanism to enforce a certain brand of conformist, local primitivism—if one can even call it that. It’s all quite wearying, really.

People generally fail to grasp the reality of things... I suppose there is a certain necessity in stepping away from this immediate environment to experience different cultures and social structures. It allows one to see that living in peace and genuine happiness isn't just some manufactured concept or a display of hypocrisy—it’s actually possible. Somewhere else, perhaps in a different part of the country or even abroad, the value placed on human life feels far more authentic than the constant, muddy friction we deal with here. There are places where people look out for one another, not because they fear legal repercussions or a fine, but out of a fundamental respect for life and a sincere desire to maintain the community they inhabit. They don't wish ill upon their neighbors, simply because they realize that acting with malice ultimately degrades the very environment they themselves have to live in. I guess it's just a matter of perspective, but it's certainly worth considering. 🙂

I certainly didn't intend to cause harm to anyone else... not ever, really. Regardless of how one looks at it, I suppose I am relieved that the whole ordeal is behind us. If I may digress slightly—as I was mentioning a few posts back—there is an acquaintance of mine who has spent years creating nothing but chaos for himself and everyone around him. Yet, nobody reacts, and frankly, it doesn't seem like anyone ever will. He isn't the only one, of course, but he is certainly a primary reason why these types of situations keep repeating themselves. It seems far easier for "society" to simply dismiss these behaviors as some sort of natural phenomenon or just "the way the world works" rather than actually standing up and doing something about it. Pardon my bluntness, but I doubt anyone is losing any sleep over that realization. Meanwhile, due to what feels like a massive wave of collective schizophrenia, many more people will continue to suffer. Life is moving faster and faster; everyone is constantly rushed, perpetually stressed, and increasingly on edge. Aggression has become a sought-after trait. It’s this pervasive "strike first before you're struck" mentality. It is almost as if being predatory is being celebrated as some sort of desirable "alpha" characteristic. I suppose that is just the state of things now. 😵 I suppose one could argue that you’re being presented with pure, unadulterated primitivism, served up right on a silver platter. Or perhaps it's more like being handed a blunt instrument when you were expecting a scalpel. I don't know. It feels rather crude, doesn't it? One might even say it's being offered quite brazenly. ☕

I suppose I should express my gratitude to everyone here for sharing their personal experiences and opening up about their own mental health struggles. It’s quite a lot to take in, I guess.

Why exactly are you feeling thankful?
What kind of benefit do you actually get from hearing all these confessions?
.. I would be grateful if you could provide an answer to that. 😛

Andrew Doyle said:Laughable? Absolutely not. They weren't funny then, and they sure as hell aren't funny now. That pattern of self-destruction might have changed its outward appearance, but the core remains exactly the same. I'm still dealing with psych meds and seeing a therapist today. So, let me be very clear: this stuff is never a joke.

Respect.

I don't know what is wrong with people, thinking they have to brush off everything living with that "it all passes" nonsense... well, maybe some things don't just pass. It's like saying a war is funny right now, or that events during wartime are jokes... or that losing family members is somehow amusing when you look back at it. People really ought to use their brains once in a while.😵

God, it's exhausting... sexual assault, pedophilia, violence, workplace harassment, bullying... you name the pathology, it exists. Yet everyone treats it like a punchline, sipping their coffee and acting like it's all just one big joke.☕

People need actual help, not just random passersby tossing out their supposed "world wisdom" as they walk past. They practically spit it at you. Honestly, just leave them alone.🙂

Adam Gray said:Forgive me if I’m posting this in the wrong sub. I just found out an old friend attempted suicide by taking 60 blood pressure pills. Now I’m left wondering—could she actually have died from that many? I’ve never heard of anything like this happening before. What do you all think? And how on earth am I supposed to act when I go to visit her at the hospital? I really, truly hope she pulls through.

If I were in your shoes, I would act as if the suicide attempt hadn't happened. I'd talk about whatever normal things we would normally discuss if we were meeting up. Now, listen—I wouldn't ignore the situation or the circumstances entirely, but I certainly wouldn't go poking at a topic that is still so raw. Who knows what is going through her mind? Of course, I would always say, "If you want to talk, you can turn to me, and I won't judge you." Everyone who knows me knows that's my policy, but again... I would only mention it if the opportunity naturally arose.

P.S. I have a friend—well, an acquaintance now—who has been struggling with suicidal ideation for quite some time. That’s actually why I distanced myself from him when I started going through my own dark period (I spent about two years completely obsessed with the idea of suicide)... I figured it was better not to be drowning together. 😬 One should respect a person in any situation and realize that you cannot live someone else's life; everyone deals with their problems in their own way. Offer a hand, help when necessary—but it's up to each individual to figure out when the time is right. Don't be too harsh on yourself or others. Humanity seems to be a lost value these days... a moral crisis, hypocrisy... everything comes with a price, but even this conversation feels too narrow for such heavy topics. Ah, just let me off the leash.😬

Eric Gray2 said:Wait, are you seriously asking why some people are perfect for one role but a complete disaster in another? 🤔
It really just comes down to the fundamental differences in individual skill sets and personality types. 🤷

Why even bother starting if we aren't going anywhere...

Who actually decides on these initial criteria anyway? 🙂

Or perhaps, to be more precise, one should ask: what is the actual source of this arrogant positioning? I won't even call it "politics," though that's essentially what these so-called roles are... ☕

Who is the mastermind behind this entire "operation"... and who is being gaslit into believing they lack the capacity to understand, thus necessitating further instruction? 😵

Where is the actual life experience in all this? Where is the reality, the hard facts within the process... the empiricism, rather... 😬

Is experience even a factor in an "individual's" life at all? Is such a person even an individual, or merely a projection... a scripted role... a product of fate, or perhaps just biological predisposition? 😵 Genetics > fascism 😍

There is this particular definition of war that goes like this: war is simply a state of consciousness.

I suppose the same logic applies to peace, if one thinks about it long enough.👍

Larry Moore83 said:But who is actually manufacturing these crises?
How does the mechanism work, really? You just shout "Crisis!" into the void, and suddenly everyone comes running with their gifts and solutions, right? 🤣

It makes you wonder... isn't there someone out there who is simply addicted to the chaos? 😁

.. those people who mistake shadows for substance .. they've lost their way entirely.😬

How does it work? You just scream "Crisis!" and suddenly everyone comes running with their offerings, right? :rofl

.. I'm glad to see you're still finding ways to shout into the void.👋

Who talks about what? It's all just crisis addiction.😁

It’s a rather melancholy tale of a small town.

And then, you might actually see some peace.😍

placidwolf27 said:Look, if you don't actually grasp the core of the issue, man... just stay quiet.

Brenda Stewart59 has stripped this problem down to its very core... offering a perspective that I suppose deserves some level of respect 👍

.. and quite frankly, who does one think they are, telling others to shut up? 🍿

Richard Brooks80 said:But he has already found someone capable of standing by him... me!!!
We have discussed this countless times, and I have made it abundantly clear to him that I will be right there beside him through the storms and even during the acute stages of his MS. He has expressed such sincere gratitude to me for that, showing how truly touched he was...

And now, just as the crisis reaches its peak... he has retreated entirely into himself.
Is it possible he doesn't want me to see him in such a state?
I am left with hundreds of questions and just as many different interpretations of what is happening, when all I really need is one single message from him to provide clarity.
But clearly, he isn't even in a position to find those answers for himself. He has entered a sort of self-imposed quarantine; he won't go out, he isn't contacting anyone, and he has turned off his phone... He is exhibiting the exact same behavior as someone I recently heard about who was struggling with severe depression... I don't know her personally, but a friend described it to me, and I can see the pattern is identical.

In that case, perhaps you shouldn't be quite so hard on him—or on yourself. 🧐
(I realize that is much easier said than done, but what else can I offer? It is certainly simple enough for me to just type away here, I suppose. 🤷

And now that the crisis is essentially reaching its peak... he has completely withdrawn into himself.
Is it possible he simply doesn't want me to see him in such a state?

It seems things aren't going your way, so perhaps you are inviting unnecessary trouble. Have you considered simply accepting the situation as it stands? Good grief... if there is no other way, then honestly... I am sorry if this sounds blunt or unkind. I don't need to lecture you on how difficult life can be; you likely have more experience with the cruelty of existence than most. That is why I say... try to find ways to ease his burden rather than spiraling into paranoia. 🙂

I have hundreds of questions swirling in my head, just as many interpretations of this entire situation, yet all I truly need is one single message from him to provide the answers.

But what if there are no answers? What if he doesn't know himself? With all these illnesses... when the mind is sick, it really is sick. It is similar to having the flu; you aren't capable of running around, so it is the same with these disorders. Thinking becomes a form of torture; it isn't healthy. And well... healthy people often wonder how or why someone would end their life... but it is because they are ill, plain and simple. Good morning, right? ☕

But he clearly isn't in a position to provide those answers to himself.

Well, can you provide those answers to him instead?! 🙂 And even if you could, would you actually have the right to do so?

I was actually thinking about that earlier 🕺 but I won't delete it, so you can see I am being serious... good grief, I have my own issues to deal with. Personally, I have to eject my thoughts at a hundred miles an hour (which is the complete opposite extreme) because there is just no room left inside me. I feel as though I have spent my whole life purging everything that accumulated; I tend to view depression almost like a vacation. But that is just me... it is irrelevant right now. ☕

He has essentially retreated into a sort of self-imposed quarantine. He isn't going out, he isn't reaching out to anyone, and his phone is completely off... It’s the exact same pattern I recently observed in someone struggling with a severe bout of depression... I don't know the individual personally, but a friend described the situation to me, and I suppose the behavioral patterns are identical.

I suppose one can only hope that a person maintains enough initiative and self-confidence to navigate this, regardless of how bleak the circumstances might seem.

I suspect you might be inclined to blame yourself, as if you somehow carried the weight of all this on your shoulders, though that is merely my impression—your own history with him might easily prove otherwise. After all, I assume you wouldn't have endured all this time without some semblance of strength or perhaps some internal mechanism that allows you to just "push through" it all.

If you are looking toward a long-term future here, I would suggest seeking professional help. This is a marathon, not a sprint. You would need to go together, persistently, moving slowly and maintaining a sense of tolerance for whatever outcomes may arise—whether they are good or entirely futile. Now is the time to see what kind of people you truly are; they say adversity reveals a person's true character. 👋

p.s. I opted against taking pills from the very beginning. I am certain things were much harder for me in the early stages because of that choice, and everything comes with a price. It is impossible to speculate on how much worse it might have been if I had simply taken everything they offered me... instead, I chose to focus more on my health. I focused on my physical well-being where possible and, generally speaking, on life itself, and I am holding steady. When I reach that point where I "just can't anymore," the entire world seems to vanish. There is nothing left. I find I have to disregard every feeling of responsibility and obligation just to reset myself and get back to living the way I want to live. Anything else feels like a slow descent into total self-destruction. 🙂

Well, look... even under "normal" circumstances, people break up. It’s rarely a simple or easy process, I suppose..

In my view, it always pays to try. Whether you're looking at something new or revisiting something old, the odds remain essentially the same, I think.😬

However, if his current situation feels too heavy for you to carry into the future, then perhaps it is better to give him the chance to find someone who can actually be there for him.

That is, quite frankly, your side of the equation..

It is entirely possible his perspective mirrors your own—that he simply doesn't know how to cope with THAT.🙂

🙂 why don't you just ask him?

If he actually finds the strength to talk about all of it... maybe at certain points... he might be able to offer some decent advice. If that happens, I suppose it’s up to you to actually listen.😉

Richard Brooks80 said:I hope I have come to the right place to share my concerns.

We have been together for about six months. We are both divorced, and we have both crossed the threshold of forty.
In the beginning, our relationship felt almost flawless. We spent nearly twenty-four hours a day together, excluding the eight hours I was at work. He essentially moved into my place, and we shared everything.
Even before our relationship became official—back when we were just seeing each other for coffee—he was completely transparent about his medical history, which is quite extensive. Beyond "minor" issues like migraines, back pain following surgery, and gastrointestinal problems that caused him to vomit blood in the mornings, his primary struggles are multiple sclerosis and PTSD.
I entered this relationship with a full understanding of the challenges ahead. We fell in love, and I truly believed I possessed the fortitude required to navigate his illnesses. I was prepared to care for him even if he eventually required a wheelchair, and I aimed to provide the tranquil environment such patients need (his home life is quite strained, which unfortunately exacerbates his condition).
Initially, we functioned beautifully, but it turns out that managing his PTSD is a much harder nut to crack. The crises began as early as November; they started in a milder form, but they wouldn't subside. I suspect the situation was complicated by the fact that we had less time together, as my children returned home from their seasonal jobs, leaving very little space in my small apartment for everyone.
He became increasingly depressed, sleeping more frequently and relying heavily on medication. Day by day, his therapy became more intensive, and he faced financial difficulties due to some unavoidable circumstances. It feels as though everything in his life began to spiral downward, leaving me as his sole source of light and stability.
He made every effort not to make me feel neglected; he always stepped up whenever I needed assistance, even when he was visibly under the influence of his medication—often literally falling asleep on my lap, lethargic and dejected.
More and more often, he would simply stay home to lie down and sleep. Nothing seemed to bring him joy anymore, though he tried—entirely for my sake. At times, I lacked the necessary patience and found myself being critical of him. Looking back, I realize I should have been more understanding, but I struggled to navigate such an overwhelming situation.
We haven't seen each other in three weeks. I spoke with his best friend, who has tried numerous times to coax him out of the house just for a coffee, but without success. As the New Year approached, he sent me a message saying that something had happened and that he needed to be alone to reflect deeply, because his decision would affect the rest of his life... himself, me, and others. These are heavy, almost euphoric words coming from someone who is under sedation 24 hours a day, taking Xanax, various pills, and I can't recall the rest.
Is he withdrawing into himself to protect me from the burden of his illness? Because in addition to these psychological struggles, he recently suffered a fall and briefly lost sensation in his legs.
Both of his previous marriages ended because his ex-wives could not cope with his health issues.
Is this somehow a test to see if I have the stamina to endure?
I am certain that a mental health crisis is the root cause of all this. This isn't his first one, according to his friend, who advises me to remain patient and suggests that he will return to me once this period passes.
If he intended to end things with me, I believe he would tell me directly rather than retreating so quietly. His last message to me was simply, "Please, wait for me a little while..."
I am being patient, and I love him; I intend to wait. But there are days when I feel like I am coming apart at the seams, and I find myself needing my own medication. I don't want to give up on him or on us. He needs me, and I need him.
Has anyone else navigated a relationship like this, or experienced a phase like this in a partnership?
I would appreciate any advice you might offer.

Do you need a translation? 🙄?

The reality is, he never truly moves past it... he just lives with it every single day.🧐

Adapting ☕—I'm not suggesting it's easy, nor am I saying it isn't incredibly frustrating... but really... it's almost like complaining that it hurts when your partner is dying. True character is revealed in difficult circumstances. Heavens, I hope such situations never arise, but if they do... there's no backing down.🧐

The question is, what exactly do you mean by "the end"?

Perhaps you should try channeling all that energy into something creative instead... basically, just stop letting your fears run the show

You are in the process of building yourself—your personality, your character, and everything else that comes with being an individual... so please, make an effort 👍 lay down foundations so solid that nothing can ever knock you off course. I suppose anything is possible if you look at it that way. You’ve already experienced those moments firsthand, haven't you? Those feelings are much like a misstep in a dance, so you really ought to take things slowly and steadily. We'll just go step by step 🙂 at your own pace... set your own rules 👍

.. after all, you are the master of your own life and the one who determines your destiny 🧐
That is the true path toward freedom. Don't let fear hold you back. Honestly, what fear? You have already bypassed it, and it's out of your system now; it belongs to the past, and there's no place for it anymore 😉
If it happens to cross your path again... well, just say goodbye and keep moving forward 😬

I am glad to hear things are looking up! Honestly, you sound wonderful right now. 🙂

.. though, now that you're feeling better, I suppose I might suggest working toward making things even better still! 👍
.. just as much as you can manage without feeling pressured .. take it easy ..

none

ruggedskipper11 said:It’s been a minute since I last posted. Since December 5th of last year, man... things have changed so much. Just look at how much life can throw at you in a few months!
Where am I at right now? Honestly, I don't even know if I've actually "moved forward." Sure, I've been crushing some great books, working out, keeping up with my vitamins, and my appetite is finally back. I've been getting my walks in and blasting music... but then there's the other side—still smoking way too many cigarettes, leaning on meds, and dealing with all this lingering fear and insecurity.
As for the relationship, it's just... dragging along. I don't even know what to call it or how to define it, but it's still there. We're communicating better and seeing each other here and there. But weirdly enough, now that things are actually improving, my anxiety is hitting harder. It's like back when I thought we were totally done, I felt this massive sense of relief—like the waiting and the constant torture were finally over, even though I was falling apart at the time.
You guys agree it's better to just vent everything out here rather than sending a text, right? 🙂

I think things are improving, but perhaps you could work on not letting this weigh on you quite so heavily .. you have certainly endured enough in this life .. so I thought, why not try to relax and actually enjoy yourself a bit? 🙂

One should learn to value the experience and the opportunities currently available, to accept how fleeting everything is, and to embrace the challenge .. try to find some motivation .. it is a shame, really .. life is far too short .. to squander a singular opportunity by clinging to other experiences simply out of fear .. that is truly a frightening prospect 😛

Here is a small bit of wisdom; expect the best, but prepare for the worst 😬

p.s. everyone suffers to some degree, depending on their character and their circumstances .. try not to be so hard on yourself .. nor on others, for that matter .. you see those people who go to the opposite extreme and insist on controlling everyone else .. the underlying principle is much the same .. not that I want to exaggerate, but it's true 🙂

Whenever you're dealing with life-threatening illnesses, there’s this massive psychological toll that takes over. It's an exhausting ordeal, and if you happen to be dealing with external stressors at the same time—you know, when everything seems to pile up against you all at once—it can feel incredibly suffocating. I suppose... well, I've lived by the motto for quite some time now: I try to expect the best, but I always make sure I'm prepared for the absolute worst. 😵

Regardless of how much grit you have or how well you think you can handle whatever is weighing on you, I would suggest getting ahead of things. Maybe schedule a checkup or some preventative screening just to be safe. Why wouldn't you? 😉 .. I certainly don't mean to sound like I'm inviting bad luck or wishing anything ill upon you; quite the opposite, really. I truly wish you nothing but the best. 👍