Posts by Brenda Booth5

Thomas Jones132 said:That's bold and absolutely true... I totally agree.
Thanks for the comment, Zuckerberg.
I honestly don't know how I'm still under her influence, but I am, I definitely am...

You are, but being in that position isn't your fault. Manipulative people are deeply broken individuals, yet at the same time, they are absolute masters of seduction and coercion. When someone falls under the influence of a person like that, the reason lies within the manipulator's (or narcissist's) personality and the simple fact that learning how to establish independence is a skill you have to practice.
It's never too late, even if you feel like you've missed your chance, because every single day you move forward matters.

Like someone else pointed out, if your parent is financially set—meaning they can hand over their property (or whatever assets they have beyond the basics) to a proper institution like JPMorgan Chase to manage it all—then the matter is settled. If a parent failed to fulfill their basic parental duties, then the children shouldn't feel any obligation to step in and fix it now.

There are certain situations where caring for someone—let's call it a "sacrifice"—feels completely natural because it comes from a place of love, and you wouldn't even view it as a sacrifice. Those are the moments when you don't feel any internal conflict. But the moment you start feeling doubt or a strong sense of repulsion, I think it's clear that you're dealing with blackmail. In those cases, you might need to apply the logic that "you don't negotiate with terrorists."

Thomas Jones132 said:If you can at all, please just let go of any thoughts regarding revenge or seeking confrontation.
It’s bound to happen eventually, much like in many other families here in the States, where discussions start popping up about who’s going to support Mom or how the inheritance will be split up.
It is honestly so tough to give advice on this kind of thing, but I’ll tell you, I’ve seen siblings completely turn on each other the moment caretaking for a frail parent or the prospect of an inheritance comes into play.
My best advice? Just trust your gut and don't let anyone talk you into anything you aren't comfortable with.

Hmm...
My brother and sister are close, but they have absolutely no intention of stepping up to help her.
Right now, my brother isn't even in contact with her, and my sister reaches out very rarely.
As for me, we aren't close either—it's not even an option for her to come stay with me.
Regarding caregiving, there's this unspoken agreement among us that nobody is willing, or even prepared, to take on that responsibility. So, if things reach a breaking point, she'll likely have to move into an assisted living facility, which I don't feel is our burden to carry.
It would be a huge deal for her, though; she'd probably throw a massive fit, but we'll just have to wait and see how everything unfolds.
She was always such a dominant force, you know? Everything was always strictly on her terms.
I know it's hard to let go of material things, but at this stage in her life, those possessions aren't helping her one bit—she needs people, not stuff.
Well, it is what it is; I just hope we can all get through this peacefully and maintain as much dignity as possible.

Hmm...
My brother and sister are close, but they have absolutely no intention of stepping up to help her.
Right now, my brother isn't even in contact with her, and my sister reaches out very rarely.
As for me, we aren't close either—it's not even an option for her to come stay with me.
Regarding caregiving, there's this unspoken agreement among us that nobody is willing, or even prepared, to take on that responsibility. So, if things reach a breaking point, she'll likely have to move into an assisted living facility, which I don't feel is our burden to carry.
It would be a huge deal for her, though; she'd probably throw a massive fit, but we'll just have to wait and see how everything unfolds.
She was always such a dominant force, you know? Everything was always strictly on her terms.
I know it's hard to let go of material things, but at this stage in her life, those possessions aren't helping her one bit—she needs people, not stuff.
Well, it is what it is; I just hope we can all get through this peacefully and maintain as much dignity as possible.

Hmm...
My brother and sister are close, but they have absolutely no intention of stepping up to help her.
Right now, my brother isn't even in contact with her, and my sister reaches out very rarely.
As for me, we aren't close either—it's not even an option for her to come stay with me.
Regarding caregiving, there's this unspoken agreement among us that nobody is willing, or even prepared, to take on that responsibility. So, if things reach a breaking point, she'll likely have to move into an assisted living facility, which I don't feel is our burden to carry.
It would be a huge deal for her, though; she'd probably throw a massive fit, but we'll just have to wait and see how everything unfolds.
She was always such a dominant force, you know? Everything was always strictly on her terms.
I know it's hard to let go of material things, but at this stage in her life, those possessions aren't helping her one bit—she needs people, not stuff.
Well, it is what it is; I just hope we can all get through this peacefully and maintain as much dignity as possible.
You're thinking clearly. We just need to keep a level head.

Thomas Jones132 said:Brenda, that kind of thing is just heavy baggage you have to carry forever.
I think we all trip up sometimes, but most people actually pick up a lesson from their mistakes along the way, whereas she hasn't learned a single thing—it's honestly pretty shocking.
Yeah, it stinks, it absolutely stinks 🙂...
I probably should have jumped into that other discussion about toxic parents earlier, since I can see my crowd is already hanging out over there.
Seriously, just let it go and move on!!

Yes, whenever you cross paths with someone like that, it's exhausting. Honestly, there are certain people who spend their entire lives being unfair to their children while constantly playing the "humanitarian" card, acting like they're so devoted to their own aging parents—even back when they were in their prime. They basically just manipulate the situation from the start.

If you can manage it, please just abandon any thought of seeking revenge or even having a confrontation.
Otherwise, just like in many American families, it might eventually lead to a massive debate over who's going to pay for Mom's care or how the inheritance gets split up.
It's hard to give specific advice here, but I can suggest that siblings sometimes completely turn on one another once the topic of caring for a frail parent or the distribution of an estate comes up.
Just follow your common sense in these matters; don't let anyone talk you into anything.

I find myself agreeing with the folks on this thread above.
I know it’s much easier said than done, but just let it go... it’s like tossing extra weight overboard from an overloaded ship to stay afloat.
When you weigh the value of seeking some kind of revenge—whether through the legal system or just on a personal level—against the sheer value of emotional freedom, the latter is infinitely more beautiful and much better for your health.
If you keep pouring your energy into her, it’ll be like digging through a pile of trash that just keeps getting smellier by the day.
Just let it wash away...

goldenheron6 said:The weirdest part? She has zero shame. Now she’s acting all sweet to me in the hallway like nothing happened.

I seriously don't get why I always run into these bitter types. They can sniff out an easy target from a mile away
and they will exploit you every chance they get.

Back when she was my mentor, she used to get pissed whenever I talked to anyone else,
and during that one freezing winter at the office, she wouldn't even turn on the heater and would make me wash dishes in that
ice-cold water in the breakroom back in November.
Plus, she didn't even teach me the actual job, so when they moved me over to client accounts, she ended up looking like a total amateur.

I didn't know who to go to, until this coworker of mine—who basically has a VIP pass to the boss's office—
noticed something was off. Instead of me, she was the one who reported this nightmare mentor to the manager,
which finally got me moved away from that disaster.
I didn't have the guts to complain myself because I wasn't sure if I could actually
make them listen. 🙂

On top of that, I heard later from some other girls that she was badmouthing me and calling me stupid.
Normally, when she meets new people, she plays nice and buys them food to suck them in, but once they realize
what a piece of work she is, they bail fast.

The patterns you're dealing with right now are unfortunately common in the corporate world. And I hate to say it, but I have to agree with what Donna White50 mentioned above: some managers (especially certain women) can be absolute nightmares. (I really wish I could say otherwise. 😢

Basically, gossiping is just how a person like that operates. It's their primary tool, along with bullying.
Deep down, every one of us wants to feel accepted and maintain healthy communication with everyone around us, but sometimes circumstances dictate that we simply have to let that go. It's an impossible mission because, well, not everyone thinks like we do.

Try stepping outside of your own shoes for a moment and look at your situation like an observer watching from the sidelines: does fulfilling everyone else's whims and orders actually make sense, or does it lead anywhere useful? Who ends up satisfied, and who doesn't? I think you already know the answer. Besides, when your boss acts this way, it isn't about you as an individual with your own values; she's doing it to soothe her own frustrations.

So, who are you actually supposed to please or appease? We were all raised to believe being selfish is wrong and that we should always put others first. I was definitely one of those students who had to learn that lesson the hard way.
At the end of the day, I am the most important person in my life, and in order for me to "give" to others (and give them what they deserve, if they deserve anything at all), I first need to be centered and content myself. You won't achieve your true self by stepping on others or causing harm, if that's something you worry about. Once you start standing up for who you are, things tend to fall into place on their own.

Since you aren't an aggressive person, standing your ground won't disrupt anyone's system except for the aggressors. The only "damage" caused by your refusal to comply and your new approach will be a bit of resentment and perhaps a fresh dose of gossip from that boss.

But don't lose sleep over that; people like her find ways to pivot very quickly—she'll just find someone else to target. The fact that she might try to spin a negative story about you is also irrelevant: someone like that can only sell their drama to people just like themselves, which is a circle of people whose opinions shouldn't matter to you anyway.

Quote:>

driftinghound12 says: ... What really gets to me is seeing how much people reward hypocrisy, lying, or just plain old greed when they're trying to tear down someone else's honest hard work. As for getting even with those kinds of toxic people, I honestly can't wrap my head around stooping to their primitive level or wasting any of my own energy playing their games, but when you're backed into a corner and forced to react, you end up draining yourself on things that don't even matter... I was just thinking about that kind of pressure...🙂>

That bolded part hits home; it’s one of those things where most decent, "normal" people have this gut reaction to fix an injustice or just feel a deep sense of outrage at the presence of such malice. And then, more often than not, if you actually decide to fight against it, you end up completely exhausted, just like you described.

From what I've seen, the best move is to try and move past that urge to hunt down justice and instead focus on just being yourself—because, honestly, that's its own kind of battle. It isn't easy, either, but there's much less risk of burning yourself out in the process.

Susan Robinson3 said:I completely agree with this point👍

If the immediate circle, whether it be parents or caregivers, was incredibly cold, envious of others, pessimistic, or vindictive, there is a high probability that their child will turn out the same way, if not worse.

For instance, living here in the States, that envious mentality really bothers me; someone drives a nice car or owns a great apartment, and people immediately try to tear them down. People can be so malicious... not to mention other things, it's as if other people's happiness actually bothers them. To me, that's a perfect example of the collective malice that seems so typical among certain groups in America.

This goes all the way back to the old days: small towns, white picket fences, and simple living... 🐔 It’s deeply ingrained. I suspect those who practice this kind of spite do so because they know—or perhaps they simply feel—that causing a bit of chaos produces a shock effect, much like a sudden slap in the face. They use those shocks as a distraction, a way to divert attention from their own many flaws. And so, some people just end up spinning in circles forever.

wiredmoose87 said:Honestly, it seems like every single workplace—regardless of the industry or the office culture—has its own resident toxic, bitter, and completely unstable nightmare 🙂

It’s a depressing reality of the corporate world. But what I truly can't wrap my head around is how people just... let it happen? How do they passively surrender to someone like that? I mean, look at me: I might be a total underdog, but I have enough self-respect to refuse to bow down to a monster like that. Yet, I see so many others—some of them much older than me, even folks just a decade away from retirement—who simply 🤷. It makes you wonder: how much fear does a person have to live under before they lose the courage to even be decent to someone else, just because this person is lurking nearby? It’s absolutely soul-crushing 😢

Every little town seems to have its own flock of geese wandering around... sometimes just a few, other times an entire gaggle taking over the streets. I suppose it’s all about maintaining some kind of cosmic balance, a bit of give and take to keep things from getting too predictable... otherwise, life might get a tad too quiet.

wiredmoose87 said:Honestly, it seems like every single workplace—regardless of the industry or the office culture—has its own resident toxic, bitter, and completely unstable nightmare 🙂

It’s a depressing reality of the corporate world. But what I truly can't wrap my head around is how people just... let it happen? How do they passively surrender to someone like that? I mean, look at me: I might be a total underdog, but I have enough self-respect to refuse to bow down to a monster like that. Yet, I see so many others—some of them much older than me, even folks just a decade away from retirement—who simply 🤷. It makes you wonder: how much fear does a person have to live under before they lose the courage to even be decent to someone else, just because this person is lurking nearby? It’s absolutely soul-crushing 😢

This kind of passive surrender... it happens when people are genuinely afraid. It occurs when they've spent far too long under the thumb of bullies and have simply forgotten that things can actually be better. They’re just mentally exhausted by everyone and everything... and frankly, they don't want to rock the boat if it means risking a total flood.

Honestly, nothing actually has to happen if they just decide to drag their feet. If that whole situation is driving you absolutely insane, maybe try seeing if any of those intimidated women out there are willing to wake up a little... You don't even have to start a massive uprising or anything, but if just a handful of them realize it’s better to just be themselves and actually start using their heads, the scales could tip pretty easily. I mean, if they're actually doing their jobs properly, what can she really do to stop them?

Look, let me just say this once more—no fighting, please. Let's keep it civil. When a goose realizes the weather is turning, what does it do? It grabs an umbrella and puts on some warmer clothes. Simple as that. 😍

casualranger2 said:What’s the deal with looking over your shoulder in nonverbal communication?

Like... "Are you serious right now?" or maybe "Not a chance," or even just a sort of "Go check if I'm actually there" kind of vibe... (?)

Drew Perez9 As I was saying...
Listen, my dear friends... I’m opening up this thread to serve as a sort of advisory space... a place where we can all turn to one another...🙂

So, my first big question is this: how do you actually stop playing these ridiculous little dating games? You know the ones—where it’s all "reach out to him first," then he ignores you, then suddenly he’s the one blowing up your phone, or if you don't reply instantly, he starts sending those passive-aggressive follow-ups asking why you're being so quiet. It's exhausting... I’ve tried talking to my girlfriends about this whole thing, but they honestly don't see what the big deal is. In fact, they’re practically eager to dive into it! They argue that when you're meeting someone "new," you have to prove yourself somehow... they even told me that this whole hunter-versus-prey dynamic is actually desirable and necessary if you want to succeed. But I have to wonder... is all that maneuvering really necessary? Isn't genuine passion and actual chemistry supposed to be enough?

Games and rituals have always been around, just constantly shifting their shape over time... but if you actually know what you want out of life—or more importantly, what you don't—then you really have the choice to either play along or just opt out entirely.
It seems to me that if you aren't interested in playing those games, you’ve essentially chosen the more challenging path... though it doesn't necessarily have to be an impossible one. You're simply being upfront about who you are and making it clear that you have absolutely no appetite for the whole cat-and-mouse routine.
There will always be people who just can't wrap their heads around your vision. They might even try to talk you out of it, telling you that you're doing the wrong thing, that you're drifting away from the crowd, or that you've lost touch with reality... but why...?

In my estimation, there really shouldn't be any concessions made here. If you find certain behaviors—say, someone constantly fiddling with their phone during a conversation—to be unacceptable, then it stands to reason that you probably won't care for the individual behind the device either, wouldn't you agree? 😉

Susan Carter2 said:Total loser vibe here— I seriously can’t stop hanging out with people who love to lecture me just because they’re my bosses at work. One lady keeps dropping these little bombs like, "loans are for idiots," or "women over thirty are basically useless for having kids, so it's now or never," and it honestly triggers this massive anxiety because, let's be real, we simply cannot afford a kid right now. People act like both things are purely my choice or my desire, failing to realize that our actual circumstances are calling the shots.

Kevin Nguyen3— Man, I love this post. It totally lifted my spirits. Honestly, I feel like printing this out, tucking it in my wallet, and pulling it out whenever the dark thoughts start creeping in. I really needed a perspective from someone who isn't currently drowning in the same stuff I am. Don't get me wrong, I'm fully aware of how priceless the things you mentioned are—love, respect, being supported, and having a spiritual life full of emotion and understanding... That's my priority too, and I thank my husband for that every single day. But still, I get these phases where, for some reason, I start obsessing over material things that are actually relevant to my life, and my brain starts comparing itself to everyone else, leading to those "this just isn't fair" spirals. Like Kymatica says—it's a total loop.

Zek0slav — Up until now, everything I've achieved has been through pure grit and hard work, and I plan to keep it that way, but I'm starting to question this idea: "You'll be more satisfied in life if you achieve it all on your own." Are people who get the exact same thing thanks to someone else really less happy? Like I said before, "It's not like people who inherit wealth cry themselves to sleep because they didn't earn it themselves." I don't think my friend, who lives a stress-free life in an apartment his dad bought him and can provide everything for his wife and kid without any mortgage hanging over his head, is any less satisfied. I bet he's incredibly happy, regardless of whether he earned it himself.
I totally agree with the rest of your post, which is why I mentioned that we were essentially "schooled" by them (and I mean that in a grateful way).

Dawn— I totally feel you. Your goat joke actually made me laugh! And yeah, those situations definitely exist—like inheriting a house in a location that's impossible to flip, and then having to deal with all the legal paperwork to make it official.

When I talk about inheritance, I’m specifically talking about receiving something that gives you even a tiny head start in life, giving you a platform to build upon through your own work. Something that grants you the freedom to actually choose your career path and such. I'm not talking about the kind of inheritance people "expect" or sit around waiting for while their parents are still alive. I'm not talking about those cases where people change their entire personality before or after getting an inheritance, or use it as an excuse to skip school or stop working hard altogether.

Superiors are superiors, certainly, but you really ought to distance yourself once they start wading into your private business. For instance, just say, "I'd rather not discuss that right now; I have work to do." Even for bosses, there has to be a boundary regarding how much they influence their subordinates' lives.

Aside from that, women over thirty aren't exactly infertile; they're just slightly less fertile. You'll still encounter plenty of opportunities before the clock runs out.

You aren't the only one who won't be inheriting anything. My family might inherit something one day, but it'll likely just be split among all of us during probate court proceedings. In the meantime, we've been scraping by, taking out loans, and paying them back ourselves.
And another thing: our parents really hit it big back in the eighties and they're still going strong. 😁

There's no reason to shape your entire life around waiting in ambush for someone to pass away. Eventually, you'll find yourself reaching those (pre)late years only to realize someone else is waiting for you to die, too.

Susan James said:What kind of different standards are we talking about?
Most of the parents here have kids in preschool 😬, with only a few in elementary school

And speaking of different standards, a teacher should really be the gold standard for good behavior.
If a teacher acts this way in an elementary school, how can we expect high schoolers to show respect—either to their teachers or to one another?

Just to reiterate: the issue isn't just how calling a kid "stupid" affects that one student, but how it impacts every other child watching. After all, if a teacher thinks it's okay to call someone stupid, why wouldn't a child think the same?😕
How can that teacher—or anyone else on the faculty—maintain any real authority when it's clear that adults "can't help themselves" from acting like this?

By protecting staff members who act this way, a lot of great teachers are actually undermining their own profession.

Hmm, I suppose high schoolers and college students, if we’re being generous...

I’ve dealt with my fair share of messy situations back in Elementary School and High School, and I stepped up just like that boy's mother did when they were truly insulted.
It usually boiled down to some tactless comments during field trips, and I felt I had to march into the school, quite fired up, to say exactly what needed to be said. My only intention was to make sure that particular teacher understood they couldn't behave that way with my child or anyone else's. In my case, it didn't happen again, but I operate on the principle that you have to call someone out on their nonsense—if they're smart, they'll realize that being on their own shouldn't jeopardize their job, which is something I would never demand.

To be more precise, every parent needs to demonstrate that they aren't a pushover, that they stay informed, and that they can work effectively with any teacher who also knows how to maintain that professional standard.

Rachel Jones8 said:That part jumped out at me too.
🤷
How can you (not you, obviously) actually show up to pick up report cards at the end of the year feeling terrified... thinking your kid might not even get one?
I mean, why even go? And what kind of parent goes to a high school just to collect a report card anyway? 🙄 ....
Did they really not hear anything during parent-teacher conferences or get any updates all year? Didn't they trust their own kid was passing the grade... especially with a 3.0 GPA?
After everything they went through with the kid before, how can they be totally clueless about what's happening at the school for an entire year? 😕

Exactly... if you only make it to half the scheduled meetings and maybe grab three quick chats with teachers throughout the whole academic year, then sure, you'll suddenly have this sudden realization of where your kid's grades actually stand.

I work a full-time job, and sometimes, honestly, the thought of dragging myself to a PTA meeting or heading down to the high school makes me feel physically ill from exhaustion, but it's my responsibility and I go, whether I'm starving or totally wiped out.
If there's truly no way I can make it, I do the one thing I used to find awkward: I just call the teacher on the phone. It doesn't feel quite "right", but since the option is there, I take advantage of it.

There is a distinct difference between genuinely disliking older people and simply finding them... a bit grating. Every once in a while.

In truth, the very fact that this question can even be asked speaks volumes about our current era. We are living at a breakneck pace unlike anything humanity has ever experienced, driven by a collective mindset where youth is treated as the ultimate prize—something some people will go to absurd, artificial lengths to preserve at all costs.

Aging is everything that stands in opposition to that frantic pursuit. In reality, aging is exactly what it has always been; it’s just that today, we view it through a completely different lens.

We live in a culture where anything that has served its purpose or shows signs of wear is simply tossed aside, and unfortunately, that disposable logic has bled into how we perceive human beings. I suppose everyone will have to decide for themselves whether that's a healthy way to exist.

The truth is, most people just don't like them—at least, the vast majority doesn't. It’s just human nature, really. You can't fight it. And then you have to factor in the inevitable reality of aging... those degenerative changes that disrupt everything about a person's life, affecting both them and everyone around them. So, here we are.

It’s an undeniable fact, though certainly not a pleasant one, because it serves as a litmus test for someone's character. Nobody finds it easy to deal with the slowing down, the cognitive decline, the loss of mobility... honestly, it’s unrealistic to expect the younger generation to completely sacrifice their own lives to manage it, but it is reasonable to expect that we provide our own elders with a dignified experience of aging and passing away.

They don't say "we all grow old" for nothing; none of us are going to be galloping around in perfect health at 70, 80... A little bit of empathy goes a long way.

Edit: As for those "difficult" seniors you run into at the grocery store or out on the street... if they are being difficult now, they were likely just as stubborn when they were younger.

ruggednomad5 said:A meltdown can finish its course, sure, but it doesn't have to be a public performance—especially if that "audience" is at a park or a Target. Why should some random stranger be forced to listen to my kid's chaos?! 🙂
If it's a quiet sulk, fine, stay right there. If they want to talk through it, great. But loud, explosive tantrums? Those can happen in their bedroom instead.

I think it's vital for a parent to set boundaries and let the child know that the screaming is unacceptable. Doing that doesn't make you a bad parent.

I couldn't agree more. I tend to look at this through the lens of basic human decency... If someone sitting next to me in a coffee shop started shouting uncontrollably and being rude, it would be just as problematic as if it were a child doing it. It's all about respect, regardless of who it is.

Rachel Jones8 said:I've been digging through the threads on the terrible twos too, and it feels like everyone treats it like this phase you just have to white-knuckle through.
It doesn't seem like people are actually doing much about it... besides just taking the hits (the screaming, the floor-throwing, the judgment from neighbors)....and letting kids vent. Most people just say, "That's just how it is... it'll pass when it passes."

Look, I understand that everything is temporary, but I find it so strange to just sit there twiddling my thumbs during these outbursts. I remember when my own kids went through that stage; looking back, they were actually pretty mild compared to what two-year-olds are truly capable of, but my instinct is still to distance myself when a child starts spiraling. I’ll slip away like a ghost or duck behind a corner. It's the fastest way to handle it—not because I'm "embarrassed," but because changing the environment can help break the cycle or at least dampen the noise.

Fine, I accept that every kid is different, but just standing there passively waiting for the storm to pass isn't working for me. Is there some unwritten rule that a tantrum has to play out to its bitter end right in front of an audience? I haven't heard of one. All I know is that every twenty years or so, parenting theories get completely overhauled or rebranded into something "new"... it never seems to stay settled for long.

ruggednomad5 said:It’s actually not a bad idea. 😉

This whole "puberty" phase excuse is nonsense. Age dictates behavior. We teach them how to walk, we teach them how to handle life at 15 or 16... whether you call those years puberty or a damn potato doesn't change anything.

There is no excuse for being a jerk... if I'm having an orgasm, it doesn't mean I get to act however the hell I want.

Netflix, I wouldn't close things off, but I definitely agree with the rest of the post.

You can't just wave a sign that says puberty (or midlife crisis , or the terrible twos ...) and just shrug your shoulders. It's fine to realize that certain stages of life come with unpredictable behavior, but you don't have to accept that chaos as an unavoidable stroke of fate.

What you really have to do is stay involved, rather than being a 🤷 passive 🥳 parent.

Nicholas King said:She mentioned that she could basically reprogram the little one in just three or four months—that they’d be completely transformed.

Since both of those notions strike me as somewhat alarming, I found myself wondering.

If it were me, I think I’d first need to take a massive step back and try to figure out what's actually driving the child's behavior—specifically, whether there is some level of accountability on my part for how things have turned out.

If we're talking about a parent who refuses to admit they might be part of the problem, then yeah, I agree with you... the parent is often the weakest link.

But...
The truth is, there often isn't time to sit around reflecting.
And very often, the parent already knows exactly why the kid is acting out.

Quite frequently, a parent realizes that by being inconsistent or using rules that don't actually carry weight in that specific household, they're essentially letting the child test the boundaries... experimenting to see what happens if they act like that while "growing up."
Then you have those "friends" whispering in their ear: "Your parents are so old school, you should totally rebel a little."
Being a parent is hands down the hardest job there is. You aren't just hauling sacks of potatoes, kneading dough, or administering shots... you are responsible for an entire human soul.

To follow that analogy, a Baker knows exactly how bread is made, the precise conditions needed for dough to rise and bake, and... well, blah, blah...
A parent ought to know that during the growing years (the rising and baking stage, if you will🙄), you can expect a whole lot of unpredictable behavior from a child.

It was something people used to say back in Smog City:
'They're small, yet they're big; or rather, I mean, they aren't little anymore, but they're definitely large enough to not be little.'

And they haven't got a clue. Everything they do or mess up, they think is some sign of maturity, but it's really nothing of the sort.

And no, there is no magic bullet or universal advice here. Sometimes a conversation works, sometimes you couldn't get a word in if your life depended on it, and sometimes all that works is a firm command. There's no point arguing about it here. What matters is reacting in the moment; everything else just comes down to good parental intuition and sheer willpower.

Lovely one, I've found myself noticing things like that in other families several times too, but there's nothing we can do. It doesn't do any good to say anything if the person who just took a verbal slap doesn't react. So, I've just limited myself to focusing on my own family, and that's that.

Nicholas King said:That unknown singer was once talking in an interview about how his father would just go on and on—"talk, talk, and talk"—until he finally stopped and asked him, "Are you even listening to me?" And the guy replied, "...I was just staring at his mustache, watching one side twitch while the other stayed perfectly still.". 🤣

punishment for disobedience

First off, define what you mean by "disobedience."

And more importantly, define what you actually hope to achieve by using punishment—or whatever other tactic you're planning to employ.

For unknown:
And it isn't just Justin Timberlake; it’s been proven countless times. I think there are actually studies out there detailing exactly how many minutes a child can actually focus on a parent before they tune out.

My only fear is that this is the kind of mistake a well-meaning parent might make without even realizing it. 🙄
For instance: a kid or a teenager messes up, and you roll up your sleeves, determined to be that "successful parent" who explains everything perfectly. So you start explaining, then your last smart point triggers a new association, so you keep going, and then another association hits, and it just goes on and on forever.

The most tragicomic part is that you usually don't notice you're doing it, or you convince yourself you aren't making that kind of mistake—but when the other parent starts lecturing, you see it instantly and everything becomes crystal clear. By then, the kid checked out a long time ago and is just staring at a mustache (if Mom and Dad have them 😁) or some smudge on the wall or...

Anyway, when you have something to say to a teenager, try to get the most important stuff out in the first three sentences, if you absolutely have to keep talking. They hear you, they really do; I've experienced it firsthand, and unfortunately, I've learned the hard way that every sentence after that just loses its meaning. Besides, imagine how long you could listen to someone's endless pedagogical litany?!