Posts by Jose Ward4

Carol Barrett2 said:So, here’s how I figured it out—we were reaching out. Me, Jose Ward4, and so on. I’ve got paranoid schizophrenia, but honestly? I don't feel paranoid at all. I don't have that feeling that someone is following me or watching my every move. I mean, I have the standard thoughts—you know, that the police or the military might be monitoring things—but it’s not like they're literally hunting *me* specifically. I don't feel persecuted.

My mom basically lost it when she told the doctors during intake that I was seeing demons in my family members. Except, I never actually said that about them. I just meant that they—my people—were driving me crazy, like they were "demons" in my head. Not that they were literal demons. It's the same thing as when I said vampires were draining my blood—I was talking metaphorically. My mom just totally misinterpreted what I was saying back then.

She’s still bringing up the stuff they have logged in their computers from when I was sick and stuck in the hospital—all the things I said back then. I was dealing with something specific and was terrified they wouldn't be able to fix it, so I kept mentioning stuff related to that.

The psychologist asked me about it back then, but since I was high on my meds, I couldn't really get anything out to her, so I just stayed quiet.

I finally came clean to my family, though—told them that being high on these pills makes it hard to have any kind of meaningful conversation with psychologists or psychiatrists. That’s why now, when I go to my psychiatrist for check-ups, I usually don't even take my medication until I get home.

I actually told him straight up during a recent appointment. I told him I'm not having any more outbursts. But that’s partly because of my family situation. We aren't fighting as much lately. There are fewer blow-ups because they aren't driving me as crazy, and I'm not driving them as crazy. Even though, you know, life is still life and everything else is pretty much the same.

Anyway, I also posted on that suicide prevention thread. As far as the outbursts go, things are looking okay for now. This Lexapro—or whatever this med is called—actually works. Though, I do feel like I need something extra in the afternoons or evenings if needed, because this one I'm on is just once a day, in the morning. I take it right when I wake up, mostly mornings, though sometimes in the afternoon too.

I don't have hallucinations; I never have. Even though there's a record saying I heard voices—which I think was just the hospital trying to write me off because I was being a handful back then.

Maybe I have schizophrenia now, but without the hallucinations. Just a mess of different thoughts. Sometimes I hear voices, too, but they're just echoes of things famous people said a few days prior—like a mental replay of what they mentioned.

I told my doctor what I suspect I actually have. Specifically, autism and bipolar disorder. He probably typed that into his computer, but they don't believe me. On paper, it still says paranoid schizophrenia. Honestly, I don't care much about the labels anyway—I wasn't fighting them before, and I'm not now.

They just advised me to stick to the official story if I want to qualify for any kind of disability benefits based on my diagnosis.

PS. I know I'm being a nuisance with all this and that this post is a bit of a mess.

You don't have schizophrenia. They just hand out diagnoses however they feel like, especially if it's a family issue, just to calm you down. Look, there was this woman here, I don't remember her exact diagnosis. In the end, it turned out she was a lesbian and didn't have a single diagnosis to her name. For me, they hit me with "paranoid" the moment they thought I heard voices. I'm holding steady now. And hey, you didn't bore me with this post; you explained it really well. They don't have time for all of us. If they actually admitted everyone according to half these diagnoses, the system would collapse. Most people end up with diagnoses just because of their lifestyle.

nimbleharbor46 said:I'm just kidding around. I'm not actually seeing Tab or anyone else for that matter. Sorry about that silly mistake—it just popped into my head out of nowhere.

Nah, it's all good. Honestly, I wouldn't be against you being with Tab. It just felt a little off to me, which is why I mentioned it. 😉

nimbleharbor46 said:Wait, what exactly was I saying about him?

Oh, come on, don't play dumb. You know perfectly well what you wrote; I shouldn't have to repeat it for you. Good grief.

And man, look at everything you wrote about him. Damn. It feels like you’ve had some hidden agenda this whole time. I’ve never been one for that—I don't trust women who play games, and honestly, I can't stand men who do it either. Just say what you mean, straight up. That’s always been my motto.

nimbleharbor46 said:About that chat log posted by that clone... did some random guy even ask you anything? Because you were asking that clone if it was some specific user or just a bot.

EDIT: Okay, I finally figured out that Caecus is actually WM. Is there seriously anyone here using a shared profile??????

Oh, there are plenty. Take me, for instance. Then there's Carl Rivera43, leteći, and anamar. There are others too, but I won't list them all right now.

Chloe Flores83 said:Hey everyone, where you all at? I just stumbled upon this test—not sure if it’s already crossed your radar—but if you have seen it, how did you guys handle it?

I’ve been looking over my results. Honestly? I don't think I'm exactly a genius based on this. When it comes to those other intelligence metrics, I landed right in that middle ground—somewhere between just being lucky and actually being smart. But even then, I don't feel like I have a massive IQ. I guess it’s because the whole high-achieving, grind-culture lifestyle in a place like New York City just doesn't sit right with me. It’s not my speed.

nimbleharbor46 said:Vordas, please understand that I haven't done anything wrong. Have you actually seen those lies that Salet has been spreading about me? I know they say you can't judge a person by their taste, but those are just straight-up fabrications. At this point, I've decided I'm only going to move forward with things organized on my own terms.

Sent from my LG-H870 using Reddit

I haven't. I didn't read what Sale wrote about you. And what exactly do you mean by "running things your way"? Are you going to be the one deciding who gets an invite and who doesn't? Or what? Honestly, I can't make it right now anyway. My teeth are killing me, and I've got way too much going on with the apartment. If my teeth weren't acting up, I'd probably be there. As for Diego, I think he's just gone quiet because of his new girlfriend. Good for him, though.

Carl Rivera43 said:Is anyone up for hanging out sometime? And how many days in advance should I give you guys a heads-up?

Honestly, I’m going to pass on that. You all are constantly bickering. That’s just not what I’m looking for right now. I'm just trying to relax.

Laura Castillo6 said:So, are you telling me the psychosis actually turned you into a weather nut too? Honestly, I can relate. That's exactly how it went for me.

I honestly feel like ever since I started my medication, I've become hyper-aware of the weather. It's strange. Like, when it's overcast and gray outside, I just lose all motivation. Everything feels sluggish. I can't get anything done. But then, the second the sun breaks through the clouds? Suddenly, I'm feeling much better and actually want to be productive. I don't know if I'm officially a "weather person" or whatever, but the connection is definitely there since starting the pills. I don't have any arthritis or anything, though. I think I'm way too young for that. My joints don't ache from the pressure changes like they do for older folks.

Honestly, I’ve just lost my appetite for life lately. I tried making some chicken soup with roasted potatoes today, but everything felt like such a massive chore. I just couldn't get into it. I spent the whole time just chilling instead. I don't even have the energy to get any work done 🤦. I can't tell if it's just this weather or if the autumn chill is already starting to settle in—who knows. Anyway, my energy levels are nowhere near what they were just a few days ago, like back on Thursday or Friday. These days are just heavy, and I feel incredibly lazy. I'd much rather just lounge around and cuddle with a little something special. You know, that perfect vibe—good food, intimacy, maybe a nice stroll. That’s all I want right now. I really don't have the mental capacity to overthink anything.

Nicole Barrett76 said:Could it be that things are more difficult because your region suffered such devastating destruction during the war, losing far more of its working-age male population and seeing much larger waves of displacement than we saw in America?

Though, I suppose our own economy isn't exactly anything to write home about either.

But let’s be real—we are absolutely screwed.

By the way, I work for an international corporation, which is exactly why my paycheck is so substantial. They actually value their employees—it’s a completely different world compared to how things work here in the States. They pay me a fair wage because they know if they didn't meet my asking price, I’d just pack up and head straight to a competitor. I just wanted to put that out there. Also, why don't you consider starting your own woodcutting business if you have the chance? Or at least, if the circumstances allow for it. You could simply aim to provide better service than the current guy or maybe undercut his pricing just a little bit. You've got to get creative with it.

Nicole Barrett76 said:Because such a lifestyle ultimately leads nowhere, does it not? It offers no fulfillment in this life, nor would it provide any spiritual merit in the next. This is not to say I wouldn't gladly accept a Social Security check or even a massive windfall of fifty thousand dollars, but could I truly sit idle with such wealth? I think not. Instead, I would dedicate myself to completing a psychology certification—perhaps an intensive program equivalent to a year of college coursework—so that I might spend three or four hours every day offering free assistance through group therapy sessions or similar mentorship programs for our youth.

And that’s really the heart of the matter. I mean, please don't take this the wrong way or think I'm being harsh, but from what I can tell, you aren't working because you simply can't. Meanwhile, I am working. I bring home roughly $5.00 every month, which gives me the freedom to live the life I want—for now, at least. Everyone should fight for their own way of life if they have the capacity to do so. But in my view, if someone isn't able, then the government should step up and take care of them. No one deserves to go hungry or be left without basic necessities and medicine. That's just how I see it. If you can't earn enough to cover the needs you mentioned, the state ought to provide that safety net. That’s my take. And honestly, my current job security isn't set in stone forever either. Life is about constant learning and investing in yourself. There’s no guarantee I’ll be in this exact same position a year from now. Nobody can predict that. When you're out there in the market, you're essentially your own capital, and you're entirely dependent on yourself.

Harold Anderson3 said:Well, I'm not entirely sure about the specifics of working while on a pension or how much one can actually earn before it impacts things.
In my case, they offered me disability benefits $417 along with a utility voucher $67.
If I found myself unable to work, I'd take those benefits and just find a way to get by—between my mom's Social Security and my own disability check, we'd manage to survive.
And if they offered me a full retirement package $2000, similar to what I mentioned regarding that woman earlier, I’d jump at the chance. I could sleep in as late as I wanted, keep my back and knees from aching too much, and if I ever felt like being productive, I might mow a neighbor's lawn or head out for a day of fishing.
But then again, who would be left to do the work? The government is already struggling to balance the books, and the sheer number of retirees is definitely part of that equation. It's not the only issue, of course, but it's certainly a significant factor.
To be truthful, I'm working right now and it feels fine, but who knows what the landscape will look like ten years down the road? Maybe I'll eventually be forced to accept whatever pension comes my way. But I suppose I'll cross that bridge when I get to it; for now, I'm not worrying about it.

Look, I know you're right. Of course, those pensions are huge, but honestly, who cares? If they actually wanted to change things so we all lived better, they would have done it twenty years ago. I’m not one for taking the hard road. Personally, I think everything should just be easy and smooth. I mean, with all the technology we have today—especially here in the USA, Germany, and other developed nations—tractors run on GPS without drivers. We have satellites for weather forecasting. It feels like society has convinced us that life *has* to be a struggle, but everything should really be simple. No one should ever go hungry, and everyone’s basic needs should be met. What can I say? You know how it is. Tons of food are thrown away just to prevent prices from dropping low enough to be free. But that doesn't serve anyone's interests. If I were retired with enough cash, I’d spend my time doing something I love, something that brings me joy. If I still had some energy left, maybe I’d even start a small business to give something back to the community. There are people out there who are truly suffering.

Right now, I receive partial disability $200 every month, and I’m allowed to work without losing my benefits. I can go out and earn money, and the checks still come in. That started this year.

bluejackal2 said:Look, if you're on professional disability and you still have some capacity to work, then yeah, you can hold down a job. But if you've been declared totally disabled with zero remaining ability to work, there isn't any legal employment left for you for the rest of your life—unless you decide to go off the grid and work under the table.

Aha, so that’s the catch. I knew there was a loophole somewhere, I just didn't realize where it was. My brother went through this—he was granted disability based on remaining work capacity. Now it all makes sense.

Harold Anderson3 said:I think the real question isn't whether you're legally allowed to work while on retirement—though I suspect it might be limited to part-time or freelance stuff—but rather whether you actually need the retirement checks at all. After all, someone has to earn that money somewhere.
Whether that check is $1,000 or just $10, it matters. $0.00.

To give you some perspective, let's say they deduct about $133 from my paycheck for health insurance, and the medications I take alone run me roughly $1000 a month, even though I don't pay for them directly. These are the absolute latest and most effective medications available for schizophrenia.
If I were stuck paying out of pocket, I’d definitely have to switch to much cheaper alternatives.

I have to disagree there. I am one hundred percent certain you can hold down a full-time job even if you've retired. I’m just not sure if there’s a legal distinction between disability benefits and standard retirement when it comes to working. Honestly? If it were up to me, I wouldn't work. Why take the hard road when there's an easier path available? Why make life harder than it needs to be? If I were pulling in $10,000 or even $5,000 a month in retirement, I probably wouldn't be looking for a job either. That money would hit my account every month and I wouldn't give it a second thought. I think most people feel the exact same way, which is why nobody wants to give up those benefits. Why go to work if you don't have to? Man, if I could pull that off, I’d be the happiest person alive, and I truly wouldn't care what anyone else thinks. That’s just how I see it.

Harold Anderson3 said:Well, he isn't exactly acting rational, is he? On top of being completely incompetent, he's clearly not the brightest bulb either. I can't tell if he's truly that incapable or if he's actually quite talented and just made sure he had a solid pension waiting for him while he's still young and healthy. 😕Maybe we should just offer everyone disability benefits $417, then we'd really see how much work they'd actually put in.

As far as I know, you can still work even if you're retired. That's how the laws are set up here in the States. I'm not entirely sure if there's a legal distinction between standard retirement and disability status, but yeah, working while retired is totally fine. You don't lose any of your benefits. My doctor told me that directly when I went in for my medical evaluation, and I heard the same thing when my brother went through his assessment. He actually had to undergo a lung transplant—both lungs, can you believe it? Even in retirement, he can work if he feels up to it. You don't forfeit your rights just because you decide to pick up a job. Your pension checks keep coming. Like I said, I don't know if the rules differ for disability vs. regular retirement. I didn't ask which specific agency his case was handled by, but I'd bet anything that even on disability, you could still work without losing everything.

I don't think I can pull this off after all.

Carl Rivera43 said:But hey, if the sun decides to actually show up by then, it’ll be a whole lot nicer, right?

Exactly.

nimbleharbor46 said:Yeah, true. Even by 7:30 PM, the sun has already dipped below the horizon here.

Sent from my LG-H870 via Reddit

Sure, but it’ll still feel warm. You’ll probably want long sleeves, but there's warmth there. By 9 or 10 PM, though? Definitely time for a light jacket. Honestly, I just care if it stays dry. That’s what the forecast is promising, anyway.

Carl Rivera43 said:Haha, yeah... if only we could just turn up the heat and kill the wind for once!

I honestly think it'll happen. The forecast is calling for sunshine this Friday afternoon on the 27th. It’s going to be great.