Posts by Jose Ward4

mistybison said:With the right therapy, he might find it easier to face those challenges.

Besides, we don't know much yet. Even in this thread, the author hasn't shared many details about himself.

Why jump straight to medication? Honestly, I’d rather see him sit down with a psychologist first and get a real professional opinion. Skip the pills for now because they can cloud things up—you don't want to lose sight of what's actually happening. He could even go to two different therapists just to get a second opinion. See what they both have to say before making any big moves.

mistybison said:Are you currently taking any medication?

It might actually be best to tell her that your condition is more serious than you're letting on. That way, you could potentially receive some therapy that would truly help you.

That’s just going to mask the symptoms. The root problems will still be sitting right there.

Olivia Smith2 said:I totally get it. I actually went to the police once during a psychotic episode—thankfully, I had a moment of clarity where I doubted what I was telling them and stopped the whole process before it went too far. I’ll be celebrating tomorrow, even if I’m not really in the mood. Hopefully, since there will be a crowd, I can find a quiet corner to just curl up and be alone. 😁 For me, it's mostly the nostalgia for my ex that hits the hardest—she has a boyfriend now, which is just brutal. That's when the endless, foolish scenarios start flooding my mind. I dated two different women in the two months since we broke up, but it wasn't the same. She was perfect for me, and now I'm just left picturing this goddess being happy with her new guy and having a blast during the holidays. Today, I actually managed to focus and process some of what I read. I really hope the only thing causing me grief is this damn crush that won't fade away. Maybe once my head clears, I'll be okay.

Do you get many chances to meet different women? Surely there's someone out there for you, too. Based on your posts, you seem quite composed—though I suppose I don't truly know what's going on in your head. Are you looking to start something new?

Oh, believe me, my head is doing just fine right now. Actually, better than fine 😁. Just kidding. I don't exactly have a social circle filled with great women. I have opportunities. Seriously, I have plenty of chances. It's just that I'm incredibly self-conscious about my teeth right now, and it makes me feel so awkward. I told myself I’d start fixing them in October, but then that heart scare happened. I've finally calmed down, so I'm ready to go back and get it sorted. I have the chances. Really. My friends keep inviting me out to meet their groups, but I just can't bring myself to go because of this issue. But I will. As soon as I fix it. Because the embarrassment is killing me. Over five cavities. Two need to be pulled. It's awful. I've absolutely trashed my teeth over these last two years. My dad passed away two years ago; I spent the year before that worrying about him, and my dental health just went out the window. Even though I brush almost every day, it hasn't helped much. I even tried using some natural toothpaste, but no luck. I'll probably be staying home when you look for someone new. Honestly, I don't even feel like going to parties anymore; I'm just tired of watching drunk people act like idiots. I'm looking for peace. I'll probably just binge some series online. Cook a nice dinner. Maybe watch an old movie I haven't seen in ages. There are some good movies out lately, so maybe I'll check those out too.

Olivia Smith2 said:I've been reading through some of your posts on this subforum, and I have to say, I really admire your strength. Seriously, hats off to you. Would you mind sharing a little more about how you cope when things get difficult?

Man, when things go south for me... I know it's happening because the paranoia starts clawing at my brain. Like, just the other day, there was this massive brawl right outside my apartment building—maybe twenty people getting into it or something. Instead of just walking past, I was gripped by this intense fear that they’d turn on me next. It's like, does anyone know how people act toward bystanders? I was spiraling, thinking, "Is one of them going to come after me?" If it were someone else, they might have just kept their head down and walked by calmly. But not me. Paranoia and those darkest thoughts just take over. It was the same deal about two years ago. I was constantly running to the grocery store or dealing with paperwork for my apartment, and the police were always showing up at our complex back then. Back then, I had this super short haircut—I was basically completely naked on my head, if you catch my drift. My friends were even giving me grief about it, like, "Watch out, don't let the cops pick on you just because of your hair." And it worked; it triggered this paranoia that I was being watched. Even civilians. I can't tell you how long that lasted. Maybe two or three weeks? Then it let go of me. Generally speaking, I’m a paranoid guy. I’m hyper-vigilant. During my psych evaluation, my doctor told me I have heightened anxiety, but also that I seem incredibly rational. Well, who gives a damn? What does that even mean? How are you supposed to find love if you're just "rational"? To her, it means nothing. Love requires a good heart and kindness. Maybe I use that intelligence for my job, but that's it. I’m doing alright now, mostly, but man, these holidays are killing me. I feel so isolated. I’m just counting down the days until they're over. And all these people who used to reach out before, but now they won't say a word? Because they're too busy enjoying their little family gatherings. Honestly, screw them. I can do better than that. Wishing you all the best, truly.

Carol Barrett2 said:I actually have to do the exact opposite. I need to quiet my brain down. For me, that means drowning out the noise with the internet, gaming, bingeing shows, stuff like that. Because once those thoughts start swarming, they bring all these ideas along with them—some are actually decent, while others are just straight-up crazy, and I’m fully aware of how unhinged they are. Sometimes I’ll even dream up ideas or random stuff while I'm asleep.

As for concentration and all that, I'm genuinely interested in what you guys are saying because my focus has always been pretty terrible. It’s honestly been a struggle my whole life.

Visionary, hey there. Merry Christmas to you and your family. Honestly, this season is draining me. Things will get better, though. Eat some walnuts or almonds; they're great for brain health. And honestly, getting some fresh air helps a ton. Not to mention hanging out with people. That’s usually what settles my mind the most. But today? Today feels too quiet. Too still. I don't have a family here. Nobody cares about what I do or how I'm holding up. Everyone drifted away, and it wasn't even about health issues—it's just that people can be incredibly indifferent. And why should I be the one to call first? I’m just done with that. Real friends show up when things get rough. I'm looking at the New Year as a clean slate. A chance to actually start something new. Even work is weighing on me. It isn't what it used to be, though I suppose it could still become something better and stronger. Between my job and being glued to the internet, I’ve completely lost touch with dating, and frankly, I couldn't care less. Though, there are probably women out there feeling the same way. There are lonely women who might just want someone to be around for Christmas. Anyway, I didn't even feel like cooking today because I'm just exhausted by the thought of being the one making dinner again instead of someone else doing it for me. I cook with love, otherwise, it wouldn't taste right, but man, sometimes I just want to collapse into bed and have someone else ask me, "What are we having for dinner tonight?" I'm tired of cooking just for myself. This whole "independence" thing is exhausting. So, I ordered a pizza. A Capricciosa, because I'm just too tired to deal with anything else. Happy holidays to whoever can manage them. As for me, I'm heading off to eat my pizza.

Joseph Bailey41 said:It’s a familiar feeling... like a fly heading straight for a collision with the Hegelian Absolute. The philosophy of history. Turn it into a thick, mushy mass of recycled Absolute. 🤣 🤦 🤣

There’s also those stretches where everything just... stops. Nothing moves, nothing changes. It feels like the whole world has been frozen in cryostasis. I think I read somewhere once—maybe in a song—that even when a river is trapped under ice, it's still flowing underneath. I can't stop thinking about that lately, especially since we haven't had a proper white Christmas. Part of me wants to wish for one, but then again, I’ve never actually been much of a snow person. 🕺

It’s been years since we last sat down together for Christmas. Seriously, years. I can't help but wonder—why don't you want to spend the holiday with him?

Joseph Bailey41 said:Why on earth would I ever do that? 🤔 😵

But enough about things that don't matter... what do you do when you're stuck on something? Like, trying to grow your junk, for example. 😁

So you're really into that stuff, huh? Honestly, honey, give me a break.

Joseph Bailey41 said:Why on earth would I ever do that? 🤔 😵

But enough about things that don't matter... what do you do when you're stuck on something? Like, trying to grow your junk, for example. 😁

If I were stuck on something that just wouldn't click, I’d change my whole approach. I'd stop banging my head against that wall and pivot to something I actually excel at. Honestly, I don't see any other way out. And regarding those superpowers... I’d bet anything that you have some kind of special power, though whether it would actually affect me is a different story. Not every woman has a superpower over every man. You have to find that perfect alignment—the right power, the right woman, and the right man all clicking together.

Betty Fowler said:Leteći and I aren't exactly best friends on this forum, but I wouldn't go so far as to say he's a bad person.

Oh, she isn't bad, she just lacks a little bit of common sense.😬

Harold Anderson3 said:My friend, I think you're letting the medication weigh on your mind a bit too heavily.
Just be grateful they exist so you can live a somewhat functional life.
.
I can't even begin to describe how much better my life would be if I weren't dealing with this illness. But since I am, thank God these pills are available. This condition has completely derailed my mother's life, with one exception: she has her child, me, to look after her. Even though I was born under rather strange and accidental circumstances. I haven't just given up on finding a partner; I actively turn away potential opportunities. This idea that your future child would be deformed because of your medication... that doesn't sound like the reasoning of a rational person, sorry. 🕺

Right now, I feel like my entire life is one big punishment for a crime I never committed. Depression is washing over me again, 😢

I think you’ve got it all wrong—honestly, almost everything you just wrote. You need to look at the actual impact of your actions. A life completely devoid of negative consequences is impossible, but my goal is to keep them to an absolute minimum. And by the way, I don't spend nearly as much time obsessing over my medication as you seem to think. It's almost never on my mind. Instead, I’ve been asking other women for their perspectives. We talked about this during our last get-together, too. They basically told me exactly what I'm telling you now. Believe it or not, it's up to you. But things are going to get better. I tell myself that constantly. I’m on my own right now, and honestly, I kind of prefer it this way. Maybe I’ve been alone for too long, though; I suppose I've just grown used to the solitude. "It'll be better," says Jose Ward4. 2019 is going to be our year. A year of victory and glory! Or whatever. Anyway, I just whipped up a killer Mexican chicken and rice dish for myself. It was delicious—added a little tomato and bell pepper for good measure. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go pass out. 😁 I earned this.

Betty Fowler said:Quincy:

Jose Ward4 As I was saying: Well, that's one way to start a conversation. 🙂Fair enough.

Could it be bipolar disorder?

No.

nimbleharbor46 said:At the end of the day, anyone can change their mind.

Actually, this reminds me of a buddy of mine we call Lucifer. He honestly couldn't care less about anyone else. He thinks he's the toughest guy in the room and has zero empathy for people struggling, whether they're broke or dealing with health issues. To him, it's just an inconvenience. He even gets rude when someone is visibly sick. His girlfriend has bipolar disorder, and when she first came over to meet us, she was going through a pretty heavy depressive episode. It drove him absolutely nuts. He kept complaining about why he even hangs out with "that kind" of person. He doesn't look at me that way, though—he tells me I'm not crazy. Well, his words, not mine! He claims I was never "crazy," just that my medication messed with my head. Anyway, what this gentleman leteći wrote really hit home for me because it sounded just like him. Exactly the same attitude. That's why I changed my mind. Seeing his behavior in such a short window, and then reading what leteći wrote... it was a total flashback. It was pure Mr. Lucifer.

Joseph Bailey41 said:Wait... really? 🤔

So, what you're saying is we're screwed because we have these incredible strengths, but we aren't allowed to use them just in case we accidentally step on someone more vulnerable than us. 🙂

Oh, please. Like, what even *are* your superpowers, anyway? You, who hasn't washed your feet in years. At least, that's what you claimed once. I'm just quoting you!

Harold Anderson3 said:Let me give you my honest perspective based on my own lived experience. Things can be good—actually, very good—but it won't be exactly the same as living without the diagnosis. There are two main reasons for that: first, the medications required for lifelong management come with their own set of side effects, and second, despite the medication, the illness can resurface, and quite likely it will. I have been dealing with schizophrenia for about ten years now; I work a physical job, but I never actually finished my degree, even though I was officially enrolled in university for ten years. He can certainly try college, but with this diagnosis, it is going to be a massive uphill battle, especially since a career following a degree often carries even more psychological stress than the studies themselves. Generally speaking, even if we set aside the constant stigma that follows anyone with a mental health condition, it is difficult to live a life that is indistinguishable from someone who is neurotypical.

On a brighter note, there is one silver lining to this heavy burden: sometimes, when a person experiences mild psychosis, they possess a level of creativity that exceeds that of a healthy person. I was recently watching a documentary about someone advocating for microdosing LSD to boost mood and creative output. From what I gathered, people with schizophrenia don't necessarily need that, because a person in a psychotic state can exhibit similar symptoms to someone on a low dose of LSD.

Don't be such a pessimist, Harold Anderson3. By that same logic, I could claim that countless people have fully recovered from schizophrenia. What you wrote there? That’s just your subjective impression. It isn't objective reality.

Brandon Newman95 said:Just go look at my old posts about heart palpitations. I’ve got heart valve surgery coming up in the future. After years of battling anxiety and depression, it all finally caught up to me. Long story short: constant coughing, getting winded, feeling like I couldn't breathe... turns out, I was born with a heart defect.

Do you have a link to those specific posts? Sorry for bugging you, I just can't seem to track down where you wrote that. Honestly, I think your brother might have a congenital issue too. My brother had a hole in his heart that they didn't even catch until he hit 45. He didn't have any symptoms before that; he was actually quite athletic. It wasn't until he started feeling wiped out in his mid-forties that they found it. Long story short, his lungs and heart just gave out. Two years ago, he actually had to undergo a transplant for both lungs plus a cardiac repair. He's on anti-rejection meds now, but he's doing well. Everything is working normally. I don't want to scare you, I just wanted you to know there are others out there dealing with this, just like my brother. Hang in there. Things have to get better. They have to—for all of us. Oh, by the way, he had his surgery done in Vienna.

Laura Castillo6 said:Honestly, I think we’re looking at some pretty inexperienced psychiatrists here who are totally misdiagnosing G20.

John, don't act like you've got it all figured out. You really don't know what you're talking about, and you clearly lack the actual experience to back this up.

Brandon Newman95 said:Yes, you can. For anxiety or depression? Sure. But as you can see from my own posts, I can handle things like schizophrenia too. Some random person on a forum tells you what to do, but look at my history—my heart skips beats and everything.

Jack Rose. What happened with your heart? I’m dealing with some minor issues myself—tachycardia whenever I push myself physically. I actually started taking Concor about three weeks ago. I can manage push-ups now, but honestly, I’m still a little terrified to head to the local YMCA pool. I genuinely thought I was going to die. It felt that intense. I haven't done a stress test yet, but my cardiologist basically told me I just have a "lively" heart. Everything else looks fine. My ultrasound came back normal. Were the problems you faced purely psychological, or were they physical? That’s how I interpreted mine. Or, if you don't feel like typing it all out again, maybe you could point me toward those specific posts of yours? I also had my thyroid levels checked, and everything is steady. I'm heading in for a thyroid ultrasound next month. My doctor suggested maybe my medication dosage is too low, but I keep telling him, this only happens when I'm exerting myself. It doesn't happen while I'm resting. So, what does a weak dosage have to do with anything? This started back when I was six months into treatment, and I haven't even started tapering down until month ten.

Joseph Bailey41 said:Wait... really? 🤔

So, what you're saying is we're screwed because we have these incredible strengths, but we aren't allowed to use them just in case we accidentally step on someone more vulnerable than us. 🙂

Aha 🙂. Fair enough.

Ryan Lee89 said:Alright, looks like Elsa has a little message for you 🙂 LET IT GOOOO

Joseph Bailey41 said:Classic Elsa. 🙂

Man, I don't get why you women worry so much. It’s constant. Seriously, what is going on in your heads? You’re all caught up in judgment, stigma, and obsessing over things that aren't even yours to carry—just worrying about what everyone else thinks. It’s exhausting. Why can’t you just let go and say, "Honestly, I don't give a damn, I'm doing what I want"? I remember my first serious girlfriend back in college; she was so preoccupied with social optics that we couldn't even enjoy a simple dinner without her checking if anyone was looking. It makes a relationship impossible. That's why I usually lean toward older women, maybe 35 and up. They tend to be more grounded, more self-aware, and they don't sweat the small stuff as much. Of course, there are exceptions. I've met plenty of 40-year-olds who are still stuck in that same immature mindset, just like some guys.

Even Carl Rivera43 has something to say about this.

touch the sky, why don't you like Carl Rivera43 anymore? You guys were getting along just fine a month or two ago. What changed?