18 posts shown.
Sean Doyle4 said:Old question: when friends betray you and you realize they were never actually your friends, how do you move past the hurt and bitterness? How do you stop the urge for revenge and the spiral of self-pity?
I met this guy once when he was going through some stuff. I was there for him, listening to his problems over and over. Then, my own life hit a rough patch, and while he managed to pull through, I stayed stuck. Right around then, he claimed he’d fallen for me. I knew it was a lie—he barely knew me; I was basically just his unpaid therapist. So, I pulled away for a bit. Things kept getting worse for me, and I really needed someone to listen, especially since he had experience with things I thought might help. After a few months, things felt settled enough that I tried talking to him again. It turns out he was just looking out for himself the whole time. When we finally met up in person, his interest vanished instantly (let's just say I'd gained some weight due to the stress). Honestly, I could see the selfish motive behind his "desire to help" all along, even if he denied it, but it still stunned me how little effort he puts in now. Now, he just shrugs and says, "I don't know what I can do to help." And before, I couldn't get him to leave me alone.
The urge for revenge is eating at me, but it's useless. There's nothing I could say that would matter to him, and even if I said the most cutting things possible to hurt him, it wouldn't help me. The bitterness would just stay. I need to let go of this resentment, but I have no idea how. It's especially hard seeing him—the one who used me and hurt me—suddenly having everything go his way, while this was just the final straw for me. Self-pity is setting in too. Why does everything have to turn upside down? Why does it feel like nothing I do matters because he can always twist things against me? I just want to scream to God and the whole world—it isn't fair!!! How do I get rid of this feeling of being wronged?
Amanda Myers3 said:Perfectionism is defined as the pursuit of flawlessness, where individuals strive for absolute excellence across all facets of life (Flett and Hewitt, 2002).
According to Slaney, Robert, et al. (1995), perfectionism is comprised of four distinct dimensions:
- maintaining extremely high standards
- orderliness
- tendencies toward procrastination
- interpersonal difficulties.
Modern psychological science distinguishes between adaptive and maladaptive perfectionism. Adaptive perfectionism involves setting high standards and values, whereas maladaptive perfectionism centers on the perception that one can never meet those lofty goals ("nothing is ever good enough").
Positive perfectionism involves thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching high standards to achieve successful outcomes; it is driven by a desire for achievement and results in genuine satisfaction.
Negative perfectionism refers to thoughts and behaviors driven by the need to reach high standards simply to avoid negative consequences; it is fueled by fear of failure rather than a drive for success.
More recent conceptualizations divide perfectionism into two categories—perfectionistic strivings and perfectionistic concerns—while classifying individuals into three groups: healthy perfectionists, unhealthy perfectionists, and non-perfectionists.
While several theories attempt to explain the development of perfectionism, many have yet to undergo rigorous empirical testing.
This is a general discussion thread regarding perfectionism. It is intended for debating theoretical concepts, raising specific issues, sharing perspectives, or offering advice. Please adhere to the standard forum rules. Given that this thread was originally established in 2008, please check the timestamps before replying to ensure you aren't responding to ancient posts.
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I am struggling with perfectionism...
In my world, everything has to be flawless. I feel compelled to achieve constantly and be the best at everything I do—if I’m not, the activity stops being fun and just becomes frustrating. I also feel the need to look perfect (since I don't fit certain beauty ideals—I don't have a large bust or a curvy figure, and frankly, I hate my appearance). There is plenty more to list.
I set incredibly high standards for myself, and even if I actually meet them, I just raise the bar even higher.
Is anyone else fighting this same battle? Or has anyone actually managed to overcome perfectionism?
I read a book recently that suggested we should allow ourselves to be average... but I have to ask: why would anyone consciously choose to be mediocre?
Ethan Hall10 said:...
Just because she’s trying to channel Iggy Pop doesn't change the fact that she could have absolutely killed it if she'd just kept the mixer muted. Great photo, though—the sound was pure garbage.
Rachel Fox6 said:Looks like people are following this thread.
Since we won't have a cure for mental illness for at least another hundred years, here’s what’s broken:
At a well-known place like the Mayo Clinic, they lack:
enough doctors. They don't have the time or the bandwidth to actually do the job—it's one doctor for every 500 patients (and that doesn't even count those not currently admitted)
there aren't any day rooms in the wards, so patients just sit there like zombies. Even when you're struggling, you still feel discomfort, pain, sadness... you're still capable of realizing you're stuck in a place that sucks.
you end up pacing through these long hallways where all the patient rooms and doctor offices are lined up together.
the food is gross. It's the same thing every four days, and there's a high chance you'll just gain weight while staying there.
there's zero support for patients who are totally broke or isolated socially and mentally. Some people just don't have the strength to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps.
they don't have locked wards at Cleveland, which is nice I guess.
compared to somewhere like a state hospital where they lock you up, and if you want out, you basically have to break down the door.
I can't think of anything else, honestly.
And instead of actually talking to patients, they just deal with a bunch of bullshit.
The best part is getting outside and grabbing coffee with other patients if it's summer. But obviously, that's only if you have the cash.
because if nobody has come to visit you in ages, you probably don't have anyone to give you coffee money.
ugh☕☕
I've been through electroshock therapy myself. I'd be lying if I said things like Reiki, yoga, bioenergy, exercise, or therapy didn't help, but the pills are the ultimate shit. And if you actually want to get hired, don't you dare mention your diagnosis. It's capitalism now.
So, let's say schizophrenia affects 1% of the world population, and that doesn't even cover everyone struggling with mental health. That's about 65,000,000 people. Do the math yourselves. correction
Alex Cooper8 said:What are your thoughts on using Psychedelics within the field of psychology?
I was just listening to some lectures by Stanislav Grof, who is pretty much considered one of the heavyweights in personality psychology—basically the face of transpersonal psychology—and he brought up some truly incredible stuff. I ended up watching a documentary on LSD afterward, featuring several psychologists who were actually involved in those research projects back in the day.
For the most part, there were massive amounts of positive results in psychotherapy, whether you were looking at treating addiction, alcoholism, or PTSD...
It seemed like the perfect tool for deep psychoanalysis, too. From what I can gather, LSD was being used in psychological practice for a solid decade... I have no idea why it was so abruptly "forgotten." The whole shift away from working with LSD happened basically the moment the government banned it.
Generally speaking, not a single shred of evidence was ever found to suggest that LSD is harmful, and when things are done under controlled conditions, the chance of having a "bad trip" is minimal.
There’s also this book about DMT, which is arguably the most potent tryptamine-based Psychedelic out there, and it's something our own brains naturally produce. It’s the only official study conducted on DMT, which, incidentally, is released during birth, orgasm, REM sleep, near-death experiences, and dying.
And more recently, there was research done with psilocybin—the active compound in psychedelic mushrooms—to treat people with chronic OCD, and the results they got were exceptionally positive.
Then there’s another controversial substance I saw a documentary on, which is MDMA (or what people call ecstasy today). Back in the 80s, it was used as a therapeutic aid for people suffering from PTSD. Psychotherapists claimed MDMA was the ultimate tool for analyzing and treating individuals with deep-seated trauma, and when it was banned, hundreds of American therapists voiced their frustration...
This last one might be a bit more contentious because it's widely documented that it can damage the serotonin system, but if you were to administer pure MDMA synthesized in, say, a Pfizer lab, paired with some antioxidants and a tiny bit of diazepam afterward, the harm would be reduced to almost nothing.
Essentially, the main theory is that almost all Psychedelics are banned in psychology, psychiatry, and psychotherapy simply because if people can actually "heal" themselves in a single session, pharmaceutical companies won't have anyone left to sell their drugs to—drugs that mostly just mask symptoms.
Anyway, what’s your take on using Psychedelics for healing or exploring the mind?
Oh, and one little quote: a psychologist once said that psychology without Psychedelics is like astronomy without a telescope.🙂
Sandra Parker3 said:True, but the original versions are straight-up bloody. I started digging into them a few years ago—bought a huge collection of the classics at work just to see what the fuss was about. I didn't finish the whole thing because it's nothing but gore, literally. We only picked it up to compare them, since even the modern retellings can be interpreted in different ways.
Yeah, whatever, let them have their Snow Whites.... they'll get them anyway, so just go find something else.
I have this one vague memory.... a dragon with god knows how many heads, a labyrinth, and all that stuff, I don't even know... maybe it's just my imagination playing tricks, but I vividly remember those specific details... 🤔
I was actually at the bookstore today, looking for a gift for a little girl. But when it comes to fairy tales, aside from those typical collections everyone knows, there's nothing unless you grab the big anthologies, and those are way too expensive for me right now.
Sandra Parker3, I haven't a clue either; it sounds familiar, but those themes are so common it's hard to pin down anything else. It also occurred to me that maybe the version in your head has been modified over time.
And not every tale has what we'd call a happy ending; maybe this one of yours is meant to teach a kid that people are unpredictable, which is actually a good lesson... a happy end... 🤷
Quincy:There's an even worse version: "What do you know, you don't feel things the same way, you're just saying that, I know who you are..."
I also wanted to mention something. Isn't that constant habit of tracking and feeding back "data" using logic like I know you, you are...... mature enough for a psych evaluation?
I'm bringing this up as an example that presented itself. It's a personality type I avoid at all costs. It's just not my crowd. Honestly, no psychologist could help in that situation. You just run for the hills, far away............
There you go, plenty of reason to start sprinting....
TanjaOriginal said:Honestly, urbangardener35 has just gone and written their own weird little life script at this point—it’s like they’re playing a completely different game than the rest of us.
mistybison said:It’s actually part of a collection of Russian folk tales. I have quite a large library of fairy tales and I still enjoy buying new ones. I love reading them—I find myself completely immersed in those fantasy worlds whenever I do. 🙂One specific story from that book always left me conflicted... I wonder if anyone knows the exact title. It goes something like this: a king decides to marry off his daughter by announcing that whoever brings her the gift she likes best will win her hand. The first person brings diamonds, the second brings an emerald box, the third presents a golden heart, and the last guy just brings some stones he picked up along the way. Surprisingly, the princess initially prefers the random stones, but after taking another day to think it over, she ultimately chooses the man with the golden heart.
I've never heard of it. 😕That story used to drive me crazy for ages... WTF... where is the happy ending? Why didn't she go with the guy with the rocks? What kind of logic is that? 😁 😁
Initially, she thought she should choose the most original and daring suitor (after all, it takes guts to offer pebbles gathered off the road), but then she reconsidered and realized that a good—and gold—heart is worth much more. 🙂
mistybison said:That is a fascinating question. 🙂
I always loved tales about bronze, silver, and golden kingdoms, stories involving three brothers or three bears—tales where the hero has to be resourceful, wise, and brave to earn their reward. I especially liked the story of Prince Charming, who put men through intense trials to ensure they were strong enough to win her heart... 🙂 I have always leaned toward epic adventures rather than lyrical ones, so romantic fairy tales actually bored me. They only started to interest me once I grew up. 😁
Nancy Thompson3 said:And a neurotic is just a normal person. It's like how someone gets muscular because their environment demands it—like if they're working a dock job—neurosis basically emerged as a natural mechanism.
Purists like Arthur Janov? They're actually worse than the worst neurotics.
If anyone actually wants to be enlightened, maybe they should just go live with the Bushmen.
Lisa Cox4 said:Since I wrote it, I might as well answer myself, right? 🙂
Yeah, you absolutely have to bypass it. Why? Because the Ego won't let you become One—a whole, integrated being—which is basically the entire point of every spiritual technique out there. I mean, isn't it just human nature to want to be whole, complete, and free? 🙂Can someone please just explain to me why we talk about the ego like it’s some tangible, living thing? Isn't the "ego" just a Freudian construct—basically a rough approximation of reality that's just a messy blend of theory and whatever else?
It all stems from the fact that we live in a dualistic world—a world defined by opposites (life vs. death, good vs. evil, hot vs. cold, left vs. right, joy vs. sorrow, health vs. sickness, etc.).
And since nothing in this universe exists without its opposite, people are constantly forced to compare things and "question" them. That's how they develop social and survival skills within this duality (you know, by actually living)... like distinguishing success from failure, beauty from ugliness, or what's acceptable versus what's not.
That’s exactly why human consciousness is fundamentally split into two parts—and that’s where the Ego steps in and makes itself necessary.
So, even though knowing the difference between good and evil is crucial in most life situations, living in a dualistic world is brutal; it drags us through endless emotional and mental suffering and fear (I mean, you can't have life without death, can you?)
Noah Sanchez7 said:Who gives you the right to sit there and lecture us about the need to shrink the human population?
Who do you think you are?
Are you out of your mind? What is wrong with you??
What was the topic again, Bob? I thought we were discussing the concept of ego and its "harmfulness"... but it seems those preaching about it here actually have some of the most inflated egos I've ever seen..
How would you reduce the population, and more importantly, why? I haven't seen any overt racism or religious intolerance toward specific groups, but where do you get the authority to pick a nation and comment on "their" need to stop reproducing?>;..
And what kind of sick theory is it to suggest that a civilized society should aim for negative birth rates—basically, just focusing on mortality...??
It's just as absurd to oppose brands like Sony or Technics, or even the principles that support turntables as musical instruments, all because everyone is expected to obsess over Bob's theories about a potential "mosquito attack"—whatever on earth he means by that (maybe aliens?)...
Should we all just act like Bob? Or rather, follow his subtle implication that we should "think like me, or you shouldn't exist at all." That is massive ego! THE BIGGEST ONE!
Arthur Grant4 said:Look, my take is simple... the ego was probably necessary back when we didn't know any better, but now? We can bypass it entirely and just let it go. That’s how I see it.
So, where exactly does this idea come from—that we actually *need* an ego to survive in this world?
Can someone walk me through this?
Arthur Grant4 said:Look at any random guy walking down the street or someone in your own neighborhood. There’s a massive chance that person is basically just a collection of social labels and a self-image they've built up over time. They’re a product of their environment... waking up really means grasping your true nature and finally snapping those ego chains.
But wait—could adopting that identity actually be a necessary stage of growth? Like, maybe you have to play the part before you can move past the ego toward actual consciousness?
Or is our modern civilization just designed to brainwash us? Is it possible we're spiritually regressing compared to those who came before us, meaning this whole spiritual movement sweeping the nation is actually just a collective attempt to remember what we lost and find our way back?
Which one is it?
rowdycyclist7 I can't even begin to deal with this right now—honestly, I’m just staring at my screen in disbelief. It’s like everyone has collectively decided to lose their minds at the exact same time. You see people posting these absolute nonsense takes, and you just have to wonder if anyone actually reads what they write before hitting "send." It's exhausting, really. Just constant noise without any substance.
...
Everything’s going according to plan... though, honestly, there are a million different ways you can be "truthful," aren't there? Some people call it being direct—I call it being blunt—but hey, that's just how the cookie crumbles.
The real question here is—what are we actually trying to achieve? Are we just looking to be jerks? Like, is the end goal just to lecture someone, talk down to them, or go out of our way to get under their skin and insult them? Because if that’s the case, why even bother? Or—and hear me out—is the actual point to actually *help* them? To point out the mistakes they’re tripping over and show them where they went wrong? I think there's a way to "enlighten" someone by laying out the harshest truths imaginable, but doing it with actual heart—with genuine warmth and a real sense of caring about their well-being. That’s the difference between being a bully and actually being there for someone.
wearyowl29 said:Look, let's be real—most people would rather stay blissfully ignorant than face the truth. Why? Because once you actually see things for what they really are, you’re basically forced to change. And let’s face it, change sucks. It’s exhausting. It takes actual effort, grit, and a whole lot of mental gymnastics to overhaul your habits, your mindset, or those stubborn little attitudes we all cling to. It’s much easier to just keep cruising along in the dark than to deal with the headache of self-improvement. If you don't know the truth, you don't have to do the work. Simple as that.
Olivia Cook said:I hope I’m in the right spot here. Not really sure if this belongs in Psychology or maybe the Fringe section.
Anyway, my buddy and I have been going back and forth on something. We're wondering if it's actually possible—maybe through hypnosis, autosuggestion, or something else—to just switch off emotions? Like, to completely erase feelings toward everyone and everything (kind of like how the Vulcans are in ST 😬).
My friend thinks it's doable, though he can't really explain how, and I guess I'm more of a "maybe not" kind of guy 🙂.
Cheers...