Posts by Joseph Bailey41

placidwolf27 said:There is no "I" within this...

I simply am not here.

What exists are patterns, structures, mechanisms—but there is no soul inhabiting them.

I don't even know who is typing these words—honestly, I have no idea.

Beyond the immediate execution of some programmed pattern, I do not exist...

I possess no awareness of anything that isn't a fleeting, momentary state.

It is impossible for me to articulate anything that isn't merely a byproduct of that instantaneous condition.

States shift constantly through the day—from morning to noon, from noon to night—and I lose track of who I am, what I’m thinking, or why I’m doing any of it. One moment is one thing, the next is entirely another...

I am not here. I don't exist.

I truly don't know who is at the keyboard.

It feels to me like you're starting to notice the way you've been operating for a while now. Just observe.

Jose Ward4 said:No, I haven't. But I checked out the synopsis, and man, it looks intense. Thanks for the tip. Honestly, it reminds me of all this stuff people are obsessing over lately—you know, the whole AI and robotics craze. It’s like something straight out of a sci-fi thriller set in Pavuna. Do you happen to have a copy? I noticed there's a $48 charge for it online. That's a bit steep for me right now.

An annual library membership is only $50. 😉

Have you ever read Hyperion?

http://www.izvori.com/knjiga.php?id=32

I've been diving into this book lately, and I finally found that specific meditation I was telling you about:

https://www.amazon.com/Change-Your-S.../dp/1844094642

On a lighter note, I stumbled upon this little story the other day that really stuck with me:

http://thepropertyofhate.com/SquareTales/The_Purpose

darksurfer4 said:Yeah, I think I follow. You have to coordinate the roots and the branches, and of course, the trunk that binds them all together.

I just don't quite grasp this idea about the "too fast" process. What exactly is wrong with those fast-growing, pliable trees? They won't snap even in a massive gale; they just bend with the wind. Isn't being flexible supposed to be the goal in life?

Speaking personally, my own roots feel more established now; I'm reaching toward the light, and I can honestly say that the older I get, the better I feel. Yet, there’s still this lingering regret over so much wasted time in my life, so I have to ask: what's the downside to growing faster?

There is something gnawing at me, something no one can give me a definitive answer to, but I'll put it out there anyway. When I was twenty-four, I was profoundly unhappy—suicidal, even; I was absolutely consumed by fears and all sorts of things. Back then, I sought psychiatric help, though I must admit it felt incredibly uncomfortable because, frankly, the whole thing felt fundamentally wrong. I saw a psychiatrist briefly at a local medical center, but I cut it short pretty quickly—partly due to that discomfort, but also because the entire experience just felt utterly pointless to me.🤔 Now, looking back with more certainty, I can't claim to know everything, but I stopped seeing mental health professionals altogether. Instead, we armed ourselves at home with a computer and an internet connection, and I started digging through the web, researching psychology, my own conditions, medical reports, papers, and so on. That’s how I stumbled upon this forum, and as I've mentioned before, writing here on this "psychological couch" has genuinely helped me.

But what haunts me is the "what if." What if I had actually stuck with professional therapy? Would my roots have grown faster? Would my arms have reached toward the sun sooner, and with more heart?

Look, if you’re willing to be flexible, you can definitely afford to scale fast. But if you aren't? You have to take it slow, otherwise, you're just going to snap under the pressure. 😁

darksurfer4 said:Yeah, I think I follow. You have to coordinate the roots and the branches, and of course, the trunk that binds them all together.

I just don't quite grasp this idea about the "too fast" process. What exactly is wrong with those fast-growing, pliable trees? They won't snap even in a massive gale; they just bend with the wind. Isn't being flexible supposed to be the goal in life?

Speaking personally, my own roots feel more established now; I'm reaching toward the light, and I can honestly say that the older I get, the better I feel. Yet, there’s still this lingering regret over so much wasted time in my life, so I have to ask: what's the downside to growing faster?

There is something gnawing at me, something no one can give me a definitive answer to, but I'll put it out there anyway. When I was twenty-four, I was profoundly unhappy—suicidal, even; I was absolutely consumed by fears and all sorts of things. Back then, I sought psychiatric help, though I must admit it felt incredibly uncomfortable because, frankly, the whole thing felt fundamentally wrong. I saw a psychiatrist briefly at a local medical center, but I cut it short pretty quickly—partly due to that discomfort, but also because the entire experience just felt utterly pointless to me.🤔 Now, looking back with more certainty, I can't claim to know everything, but I stopped seeing mental health professionals altogether. Instead, we armed ourselves at home with a computer and an internet connection, and I started digging through the web, researching psychology, my own conditions, medical reports, papers, and so on. That’s how I stumbled upon this forum, and as I've mentioned before, writing here on this "psychological couch" has genuinely helped me.

But what haunts me is the "what if." What if I had actually stuck with professional therapy? Would my roots have grown faster? Would my arms have reached toward the sun sooner, and with more heart?

Not necessarily. Therapy isn't always about driving personal growth; sometimes, it’s just about managing the symptoms and making things a little more bearable. But honestly, there’s no point in beating yourself up over the past. It happened, and it happened. If you could have done better, you would have. Let's just move forward.

I watched this video, and I have to say, it really gets you thinking about how much we take for granted in our daily lives. It’s easy to get caught up in the grind, but seeing things from this perspective makes you realize there's a lot more going on beneath the surface than most of us care to admit. It's a bit heavy, sure, but honestly, it feels like a necessary reality check. I'm still processing some of the points made, but I'd love to hear what everyone else thinks about it. Was it just me, or did anyone else find themselves staring at a wall for a few minutes after the credits rolled?

darksurfer4 said:Look, I’ve never even heard of this Khazar Dictionary, let alone actually sat down to read it. What exactly are you getting at with all this talk about branches and roots? If you're even trying to make a point here...🤔

If we assume the sun represents some sort of enlightenment or a positive path, while the subterranean darkness stands for gloom and despair, does that imply that all our efforts are essentially futile? Are you suggesting that our primal, negative impulses are just too deeply embedded within us to ever truly overcome?

Not at all. It’s more like what darkjackal7 was saying—by developing deeper roots, or by becoming more aware of our own negativity, we actually gain strength. That's what allows us to move forward toward a brighter future. 😁

Of course, if the process happens too fast, the trunk might crack. Even in nature, trees that grow too rapidly tend to be more flexible and less sturdy, whereas slow-growing trees are much denser and stronger.

And honestly, depression isn't really an emotion in itself, nor is it quite the same thing as sadness. It’s actually more of the opposite—a way of blocking out different emotions and impulses, which ends up temporarily stalling our personal growth.

darksurfer4 said:Honestly, I just write whenever the mood strikes; there isn't some strict schedule for when my temperament shifts, and usually, even the tiniest little thing can send me spiraling into a funk or lifting my spirits entirely. Mind you, lately, things haven't been quite so volatile—well, they still happen, but they aren't quite as violent as they used to be.

Do you have some sort of theory on why this happens? Is it just general dissatisfaction with life, or maybe that constant sense of uncertainty?

It reminds me of that final paragraph in the Khazar Dictionary—you know, the masculine and androgynous edition. In it, the author realizes that a human being is a lot like a tree: the more branches you stretch toward the light, the deeper your roots have to sink into the darkness.

darkjackal7 Asks:
That’s exactly right. 🙂 Sit down and start negotiating. We need to write off those debts, get rid of the interest, and push through a full revaluation.

We’re on the same page. 👍

I recently tried this meditation where you step into what they call a "contract chamber." Once you're in there, you get to look directly at the agreement you made with destiny itself. You take a moment to really see if that deal still works for you—and if it doesn't, you can actually add amendments, tear up the old one, or just sit down and write a brand-new contract from scratch. 😁

darksurfer4 said:It’s the exact same cycle for me; I wake up feeling utterly hopeless, feel okay by the afternoon, and then by nightfall, the despair crawls back in along with those thoughts of just ending it all. Mind you, I don't deal with schizophrenia, which I know plays a massive role in how this manifests...

That’s interesting. My pattern is almost the opposite—I was in a good mood this morning, felt miserable this afternoon, and now I'm feeling okay again. Tomorrow? Who knows, I’ll probably be hitting rock bottom. ☕

Jamie Adams6 said:I remember this thread popping up back in December—or somewhere around there. I didn't catch every single post, but honestly? It feels like this whole thing boils down to the OP just looking for validation that they were never even in the running to succeed. It’s like getting sympathy from other users feeds into this perfect excuse to just... stay paralyzed. Like, why bother fighting if everything is pointless and the future is doomed, right? Any actual advice people try to give gets shut down automatically because it clashes with that victim mentality they've leaned into. Hey, if that's how you want to cope, fine—but why drag everyone else into it? Why start another thread where anyone who actually puts in the effort to help just gets hit with some "it's hopeless for me" or "thanks, but I'm not listening" nonsense? No one on this board can hand you a magic recipe to fix your life when you simply refuse to move an inch—and that's really the heart of the matter. You could start five more threads exactly like this, but they'll all end up in the exact same place.

Sounds like a charming young man. I just hope he finds someone to pull him through this soon. ☕

Jason Kim6 said:e, I was just thinking—maybe you should make your fate serve you, rather than letting your fate be the thing that breaks you. Someone once told me we’re all victims of life in our own way, I guess.

That’s not a bad way to look at it, though I personally feel like you should sit down and try to negotiate with fate a little bit. 🙂

I totally get where you're coming from. Dealing with all that endless red tape and bureaucracy honestly drags me down into a funk, too. 😁

This stuff is heavy. A girl I knew only in passing also took her own life around that same time. I didn't even find out until it happened by accident. I actually still have a photo of her somewhere; she looks absolutely beautiful in it, like she was actually going to make it after all. 😢

neonsailor26 said:Wait, who is Amon?

He was a dear friend of mine who passed away. I've actually written about him before.

Justin Garcia7 said:It’s a massive hurdle because the ego just loves being right. You see it most clearly with extreme zealots who have zero tolerance for anything outside their bubble and an obsession with forcing their views on everyone else. I don't buy the idea that this comes from a place of pure altruism—like, "I found peace and want you to find it too." To me, it’s just the ego trying to prove it's right and everyone else is wrong.

To me, it feels a lot like that old saying, "misery loves company." It’s as if someone isn't entirely secure in their own convictions or doesn't quite feel comfortable in their own skin, so they hunt for others who will validate them and tell them they’re still on the right track. In that sense, failure might actually be a more positive thing than success, simply because it eventually forces a person to face reality.

Carol Turner3 said:I was wondering if anyone here has ever been through this, lived it, and maybe even found a way out... or if I could just vent for a second to get it off my chest 🙄

I’ll try to keep this brief and just give you the highlights of what's going on with me...

I honestly feel like I'm trapped, like everyone is actively working to keep me from actually "spreading my wings" or moving forward...

And obviously—if my description makes any sense at all—that feeling is totally understandable because my life feels incredibly restricted from every single angle, whether it's money, social life, mental health, or whatever else hits me...

I don't really remember being someone who knew much about anything, but looking back over the last few years (I'm 26 now), after dealing with some struggles at college and a few other things, I just have no clue what I want anymore—honestly, I never really had a clear vision of who I wanted to be anyway...

I’m just not happy—not that I ever really was, if I'm being real—and I can't see anything that might actually bring me joy. The bigger issue is that with so much crap going on, even if I did stumble upon something that made me smile, I probably wouldn't even notice because I'm too preoccupied with everything weighing me down...

My personality, how I was raised, people not understanding me, and the total lack of support from those closest to me for basically anything... it's all pushed me up against a wall where I'm starting to fear absolutely everything. I tried looking for work for a while, but I guess that misery was pretty obvious during interviews, so I ended up giving up on that too. To even apply for jobs now, I'd need to hit the books, relearn stuff, and polish up my skills, but I just don't have the drive for any of it...

I truly believe that if I had landed a job even a year ago, it might have pulled me out of this funk—or maybe it would have sped up my slide into this current state—but I think it would have given me an appetite for life again, a desire to actually build something for myself...

But unfortunately, that didn't happen, and I'm just rotting away more and more every day, terrified of even trying, of sending out applications—since I've never been the assertive type—and I have zero self-confidence. I'm scared I won't be any good at a job, which is pretty obvious, and why would anyone give me a shot when I've never received a shred of support, even from my own family...

Even though I'm scared, I can say there's only one thing I'm becoming less afraid of, and it comes from asking myself: Why am I even bothering to struggle in this world?

It isn't really your circumstances holding you back; it's the fear itself. You have to face it head-on by intentionally doing the things that scare you. This doesn't just apply to job hunting—it applies to anything you can think of. For instance, maybe go out and try bungee jumping or something similar. There’s nothing quite like an adrenaline rush to help shake off that sense of hopelessness and lack of motivation.

mistybison said:This is essentially one variation of "positive thinking" or the Law of Attraction. There is a vast library of literature on the subject, ranging from classics like The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy to modern interpretations. One of the more prominent contemporary advocates is Dr. Joe Dispenza, whose book Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One has gained significant popularity.

All these theories share a common premise: we are the architects of our own reality. They suggest we possess the power to attract anything we desire—including health and prosperity—simply through focused thought, concentration, and willpower. This power is generally attributed to the subconscious mind, under the belief that by consciously influencing the subconscious, we can achieve any outcome we desire.

The concept itself is fascinating. It feels empowering to think that a person can act as a sort of magician, shaping their world through mental effort, whether in a waking state or during meditation. Some theories emphasize visualization, others focus on "vibration" (embodying the feeling of already possessing the goal), while others advocate for a blend of both.

In my experience, however, things don't quite work that way. We simply don't possess that kind of power. Even if there is something greater than us at play, "creating a new story" is essentially just a form of prayer, with the same level of unpredictability in its fulfillment.

Occasionally, it might feel like we have manifested something through sheer willpower. In my view, this likely happens because time isn't just a linear progression from past to future; everything is happening simultaneously. We might experience a profound longing for something, and when it eventually materializes, we mistakenly credit our own concentration for making it happen. Personally, I believe the process works in reverse: the event that is meant to occur manifests within us first as a desire, creating the illusion that we influenced the future.

Of course, this is merely my personal perspective. 🙂

It is certainly worth trying, though. 🙂

One should simply be careful not to become obsessed. Many people fall into the trap of cycling through endless techniques and buying dozens of books, constantly worrying that they aren't doing it correctly or haven't sufficiently "cleared their subconscious" of negative patterns. They spend years fruitlessly struggling to force a result. That is something to avoid. 🙂

It can actually get worse. You read all these books, start experimenting, and then something goes sideways in your life. Suddenly, you're beating yourself up, wondering if you manifested it wrong or if there's some lingering negativity in your subconscious that caused the mess. It makes everything feel even heavier. Personally, I think we need to take a more relaxed approach. We shouldn't fall into the trap of thinking we have absolute control over every single thing that happens—because we don't. Positive thinking and visualization are great tools for feeling better about yourself and spotting opportunities you might otherwise miss, but believing that you are solely responsible for every good and bad thing through your own "subconscious magic" can be pretty damaging to your mental health.

Quincy:

most humble humbler humble those who are neither humbled nor arrogant arrogant more arrogant most arrogant

Visually, this looks great to me—almost like a song shaped like an axe. 😁

But I have a feeling that humility or arrogance might be more of a state of being rather than just a fixed personality trait.

Betty Patel172 said:😁 , you invite me into your apartment, I humbly accept, and because of that humility—given that you called and prepared dinner—I elevate my consciousness to a point where you, I, and your home become one entity. 🙂

Except I don't live in an apartment. I live out in the woods. Can you raise your consciousness enough to feel like you and the forest are one? 🤔

Betty Patel172 said:That’s nonsense. Humility is when you invite me over to your place and I respect your boundaries instead of acting like I own the house.🙄

That's just called having manners. 🤷

Gregory Thomas said:You're welcome, though I feel like we should probably be giving the thanks to the poet instead.

Your take might actually be right if Paliti was some kind of poet.

(Just using the word "maybe" here since I haven't actually read the work myself.)

I don't think Paliti was much of a poet, but Simic definitely was. 😁

Poets are wonders in this world,
Walking the earth with eyes
Large and silent, observing all they see.
Leaning an ear
To the silence that surrounds and haunts them,
Poets are a constant flicker in the world.