Posts by Paul Sullivan

Christian Sanchez4 said:Does anyone else realize we’re all operating under this massive assumption that humans are inherently rational and good—that if we just put in enough sweat and tears, truly we can become perfect😁 or at least decent.
The truth is, we can't.
I mean, why wouldn't we be intolerant? We're human, after all. 😁That's just our nature. Just look at everything we've managed to accomplish 😁
considering how little of our brain capacity we actually use.

Very lovely. You have a point there. In fact, we've come quite far, considering who we are.
If one were to discuss some ideal version of humanity, reaching a consensus would be difficult. Everyone maintains their own specific perspective. No one has ever achieved perfection, even though we have evolved significantly since ancient times. But we're still not perfect.
Being tolerant is essentially just patiently enduring—or rather, tolerating—annoying human traits.
Does that work for people? Not really. We can try to defend ourselves against our temperamental impulses in various ways, but one thing is certain—annoying people aren't exactly desirable.

crimsonwalker80 said:I am going to attempt to articulate this with as much precision as possible, though, quite frankly, even I struggle to pin down a definition for this sensation.

I’m twenty-two years old, and looking back, I can recall these episodes occurring since I was just a child. It always follows the exact same trajectory; I recognize the onset instantly, knowing full well that I am about to embark on this experience again within the next few minutes. It typically strikes when I am exhausted—perhaps during a mid-afternoon nap or just as I’m drifting off to sleep. Suddenly, my perception of the objects surrounding me undergoes a radical shift. Objects seem to gain this immense mass, yet simultaneously, I harbor this bizarre impression that they have shrunk in scale and are hovering right within arm's reach; for instance, if I’m lying in bed, I get this overwhelming sense that I could simply reach out and grab the doorknob across the room.

Inside my mind, things become even more surreal. These aren't hallucinations in the traditional sense, but rather an intense internal sensation—a constant, paradoxical tug-of-war between thoughts of something being gargantuan and something being microscopic. There is this quiet voice that manages to be piercingly loud at the same time, almost as if it’s shouting at me, all underscored by a mounting sense of dread. Then, I experience this sensation of hurtling through something perfectly smooth and level, only to plunge headlong into a chaotic nightmare of jagged edges and sharp protrusions, moving through it all at breakneck speed. None of this manifests physically; it is purely a phenomenon existing within my consciousness. The moment I attempt to focus on one specific sensation, it slips from my grasp, only to reappear in some other part of my periphery that I wasn't attending to. I am perpetually submerged in this medium, unable to truly grasp its nature. It feels as though I am constantly on the precipice of understanding exactly what is happening, but the truth always eludes me by a hair's breadth.

The entire episode lasts about five minutes before vanishing entirely without any lingering physical aftereffects. What infuriates me most is this absolute inability to comprehend the mechanics of it. Once the event concludes, the memory begins to fade immediately, making it incredibly difficult to describe the sheer intensity of those few minutes. It is as if my brain switched into an entirely different operating mode. This doesn't happen often—maybe just a couple of times a year.

In the past, I kept this to myself because the sheer strangeness of it was frightening, but I was stunned last year when, during a conversation with my college roommate, I realized he experiences the exact same thing. He tried to explain his version, but he too found himself stumbling for the right words. However, we are both certain that we are navigating the same type of "disorder"—this strange duality of something being tiny, quiet, and yet massive and deafening, combined with that feeling of passing through a specific medium. He described it somewhat like traveling through a tube that isn't hollow, but is instead completely solid.

I would be immensely grateful if anyone else who experiences such phenomena would share their accounts. Does anyone know what this might be? Is it a recognized condition? Is there any literature or research on this topic? Most importantly, is this something serious, and should I be seeking out a psychiatrist to discuss it?

This has been happening to me since childhood as well.
Thanks for sharing this here. I honestly thought I had finally lost it and wasn't normal. I'm not claiming to be perfectly sane, but it is somewhat comforting to see that there are others like this.
For me, it started with dreams where everything I did seemed to happen in an incredibly small window of time. I could count the seconds precisely—1, 2, 3—but everything felt so much faster. When I performed two actions, it felt as if there was no interval between them, as if no waiting occurred at all. I figured I'd fight fire with fire, so when it happens again, I try to intentionally do strange things and speed them up, but that usually just makes the situation worse.
You used the EXACT right words. I could never figure out how to explain it to anyone. Now, at least, I can. Thank you.

Skateboarders are just attractive people. I don't think you'll find anyone more attractive than a skater (though, I suppose, please don't try to force my personal tastes on everyone else, much like how 😍 does
.

shadowviper6 said:First off, thanks. 😁
Let's move on to the answers.

1. I don't think I have a metabolism problem (I know quite a bit about it, I'm well-informed, and I'm certain a doctor would recognize it; it isn't exactly EASY for me to gain weight—not that I'd gain it instantly, but still faster than most lucky people) 😠

2. Could you explain that part about mirroring someone a bit more? (You confused me quite a bit 😕)—won't that just turn into a whole new obsession with copying her and being OBSESSED WITH IT???

3. I'm glad to hear that obsession is curable, and I had actually thought to myself that I need to avoid things that remind me of it— 🙄 —but I know it is going to be SO HARD

4. I know I need to eat rather than avoid food (because avoiding it would only make things worse and make me think about food even more, leading to greater obsession 😲), but it's so hard to control myself—it's either I eat (and I REALLY eat) or I don't eat at all

5. Unfortunately, I have to disagree with you on one thing 😁—I really think my friends can offer me a lot of support, so I'll give it a try

6. Not eating bread? Okay. But pastries (like rolls, croissants, danishes, strudels—basically anything from a bakery) are one of my biggest addictions—and that's also bread—so I honestly don't know how I'll pull that off

7. I do eat SnackWells, don't worry, BUT I do eat bread too 😁

Well, there you have it, so please feel free to weigh in with whatever thoughts or answers you can muster, and I really do appreciate the help in advance 😉

👋

Copying—it’s that whole philosophy of idolization and idealizing, you know... It feels quite comfortable when someone you consider an idol becomes this perfect figure representing your own idealized "self." I guess if you can't manage to match her habits, or become the kind of woman you want to be, nothing else really matters except getting rid of this food obsession. You just want to avoid those impulses during a simple lunch, right? Once you move past that obsession, everything else becomes easier, because then you're actually a fairly strong person. But why idealize? Why even bother doing that? Maybe I could compare it to that whole *tabula rasa* concept... You might be able to trick your own mindset by mimicking the exact actions of someone who isn't obsessed with food. By acting completely natural at dinner, behaving just like she does, and perhaps even thinking about the same things she thinks about—for instance, focusing on something other than a double portion... maybe that works. 😍

As for friends, thank God you have people who actually step up to help. It’s definitely a different feeling when someone you actually care about gives you some credit, rather than just patting yourself on the back. Though, I suppose self-validation has its uses occasionally. Personally, I find it quite meaningful to have close friends around—the kind of people who are figuratively right there by your side—especially when we dive into heavy topics, vent about others, or when they point out something about my own character that I hadn't realized yet. But at the end of the day, that impulse to say "no" can only come from within your own head. Friends can say whatever they want, I guess. They’re just a boost; they provide the direction, but you're the one doing the moving, right? xD
I wasn't allowed to eat bread. Psyche forbade it. She said no. She probably knows best.

Hmm... I might have an idea, though it probably won't be easy given how utterly exhausted you are. Maybe you’re dealing with metabolic issues, just like me (if I accidentally go over 1,000 calories, everything just turns straight to fat, and even heavy workouts barely move the needle), but maybe try what didn't work for me, which a specialist actually suggested. Start paying attention to people, I guess. Find a woman you admire—on a TV show, online, wherever—and once you drop a pound, try to mimic her daily routine. Eat exactly what she eats (obviously pick someone with a decent build) and exercise when she does, and watch the clock. It might sound crazy, but since everyone is different yet fundamentally similar, there's a reason people say things like "don't eat after 7 PM" and stuff like that. Though, I suppose that isn't really your core issue.

Your actual problem is obsession. I spent months going to a specialist for free ( ☕ ) sessions, so I picked up a few things along the way. Obsession can be overcome, and you really need to avoid anything that triggers it. If you were strong enough to lose weight twice before, and did it quite successfully, then you should be capable of resisting this. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger... I guess.

Face food head-on. Eat, but definitely don't overdo it. Everyone likes food. Everyone enjoys it. Some more, some less. But certain feelings—especially those extreme physiological urges that have spiraled into an obsession—need to be dealt with. You don't need medication or friends for that; you just need to find strength within yourself. If all else fails, just limit your access to food. Maybe set aside a little cash or something.

And yeah.
Don't eat bread.

Eat a snack bar.

Our professor used to drone on forever about how men supposedly have better spatial intelligence while women excel at verbal skills—the perfect match, right?
I suppose they’d make quite the harmonious duo.

As for me, I'm the living proof: I am perfectly fine with verbal stuff, but my spatial intelligence is an absolute disaster. A total catastrophe, really. It’s enough to make me feel a bit embarrassed, especially when I catch my reflection and wonder which gender I actually belong to...
Well... I'm joking. Mostly.
Anyway, the idea goes that men will show their affection by building you a little garden shed (not generalizing here, so please, you dry, unromantic types, don't quote me on this), whereas women might write some sultry poetry... (again, not generalizing).

ironwolf82 said:I feel so lost because I’m stuck in a career I absolutely hate, and right now, I don't have a choice. Honestly, it’s embarrassing to me—I dread going to work every single day, and it just leaves me feeling empty. This isn't really living; it feels more like a constant struggle. Most people around here are in farming, and man, it’s just draining the life out of me. I feel numb, like I’m barely breathing, just totally unhappy. Being out in the sun working the fields physically breaks me down. I even feel ashamed to hang out with friends because I feel like some rural laborer, even though deep down, that's not who I am. I just don't know how to change my circumstances. Living in this small village where 99% of the population is in agriculture isn't for me... I don't want to follow the crowd; I want something new, something that actually makes me happy. I've been doing this since I was 12, ever since my dad passed away. I grew up working alongside my mom and grandpa. It’s been such a grind, and I think I’ve finally hit my limit. I'm 26 now, living with my mom who works full-time. I’ve worked so hard, trying to balance college while working these long hours, but it feels like my best years have just been wasted on manual labor in the dirt.
The real issue is figuring out how to find a different job—honestly, any job would do, even if it’s not in my field of study. But the hardest part is the mental hurdle of walking away from the land and letting it go fallow. This is the land my grandfather and father poured their lives into, but I just can't bring myself to keep doing it.
I’m just at a total loss...
Has anyone else ever found themselves in a spot like this?
Maybe this sounds dramatic, but it feels like I’m just watching my life pass me by instead of actually living it...

That is quite the "sexy" dilemma you have there. 😍
You aren't the first person destiny has cruelly handed a life you didn't ask for, and I suspect those cases are rare enough that, according to some sexy theory, you belong to the majority. udarenko, you seem like a decent person. If physical labor isn't your thing, and you'd rather be sitting in an office doing whatever it is office workers do, it’s never too late to pivot. Honestly, it’s a luxury just ( 😍 ) having a job at all. If you can read, you’re already ahead of a huge chunk of the global population. If you have two friends, a job, and a roof over your head, you're probably in the top billion. You could find a partner to share the load with, and sometimes you can vent frustrations in ways that don't involve talking. 👍

And, uh... by the way, there's a rumor that farmers are actually quite attractive.
So, you decide. 🙏🙏🙏

Everything is "sexy" these days, I guess.

-- I've been reading through these comments, and I honestly find it hard to believe. If everyone operated with your level of detachment, we could probably replace half our vocabulary with much simpler terms. It would certainly be less painful, I suppose, because people would finally know exactly where they stand. Then again, there's a certain convenience in being cold—in acting like you couldn't care less about anyone else's struggles while still expecting everyone to treat you with kindness. It’s a bit of a paradox, isn't it? Only those who actually feel the weight of things can truly understand empathy, I guess. Maybe I have a bit of that in me too, but we aren't really talking about me right now. I'll just say that on a few occasions, I've considered letting go of that internal distance, but when you weigh what you gain against what you lose... it seems better to just keep it all inside. My advice...

-- Just stay quiet and enjoy the view; you're worth much more this way.--

redviper113 said:I recently went through a bit of an unpleasant situation that honestly shook my confidence just a little. Someone decided they didn't like the way I was acting and essentially blacklisted me without a second thought. To be fair, I played a small part in the friction, but I truly can't wrap my head around why someone would react so harshly over minor flaws.
I haven't even known this person for a full year. You’ll probably tell me I'm wasting my energy on nonsense, but this specific brand of stupidity really stung. They actually started turning most of the group against me, and now everyone is treating me like some clueless girl.
I'm not used to being rejected—I've never really dealt with anything quite like this before—but I have a feeling this situation might actually be a blessing in disguise because it's showing me exactly how much I'm going to grow.
Honestly, it's just a bunch of insecure people finding ways to vent their own frustrations through others.
I should also mention that I consider myself someone with style and a unique attitude; I'm definitely different from most girls, partly due to my career and where I stand in life. But still, sometimes I find myself overthinking things when these little incidents get under my skin.
Regardless, thank you all for the comments; I've managed to pull some useful advice from every single one of them.

🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 Congratulations! 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏

---> proud of you <---
I suppose you should just keep digging deeper. It’s probably necessary. One ought to question everything and try to solve those internal puzzles. And if you ever get stuck on a particular question, maybe just ask someone you assume actually knows the answer.😉

redviper113 said:Sometimes I just end up holding my tongue instead of saying what’s actually on my mind. If I do speak up, there's this underlying layer of anxiety hanging over everything.
Does anyone have any advice on how to just... chill out? I feel like I'm constantly worrying about what people are going to say or think about me. Why can't I just let go and stop caring so much about everyone else's opinion?

I can relax occasionally, but it really depends on the crowd I'm with.
I know, I'm a complicated one!

😈 People can be cruel 😈 ... It really isn't a "you" problem. I mean, when you look at the facts, it seems like people just struggle to accept anyone who is different—someone from a different neighborhood, raised differently, or who hangs out with a different crowd. I suppose I dealt with that too. But if you occasionally step back when you're thinking—like, intentionally pausing to stop yourself from overthinking—it might be easier to just stop worrying about what you say. Those people who refuse to respect your perspective or can't wrap their heads around it are honestly worthless (no offense if someone takes issue with that).

You seem pressured, like everyone is pushing you to act like someone else just to gain status... Just be yourself, I guess. Usually, those are the people who end up being the most valuable, the bravest, and the best raised.

As for being able to relax in certain groups—well, maybe you shouldn't worry about that too much. Most people probably deal with it.

quietranger14 said:I’m struggling with low self-esteem—a leftover relic from when my father sexually abused me. I’ve worked through most of the trauma from that era, but this lack of self-worth keeps holding me back in so many ways.
First off, I can't stop comparing myself to everyone else. I’m in college right now and my grades are solid—just like they were in high school and middle school—but I never actually feel proud of those achievements.
Then there’s my body. Even though I have moments where I look in the mirror and think, "Okay, I actually look good," that feeling evaporates within five minutes. Suddenly, I’m just ugly, overweight, and—God knows what else. I’m constantly jumping from one diet to the next, even though I know deep down that no diet on the planet is going to fix how I feel inside.
Third, I struggle to value anything I’ve accomplished. For instance, I survived sexual abuse, lived through a diagnosis of anxious depression, was hospitalized after a suicide attempt, and even saw my abuser behind bars for eight years—yet I still don't give myself credit for surviving all that. Nothing I do feels significant because I tell myself anyone could do it, even though I know in my heart that isn't true.
I don't know... I just really want to learn how to value myself as a person—as someone smart and beautiful (which I do believe during my best moments) and capable. I’d love some help navigating this.
Thanks

I suppose society is mostly to blame for these kinds of prejudices. Personally, I tend to prefer women with more presence, and I'm probably not alone in that. From what I can see in most social circles here in the States, those girls are often the most fun and charismatic. Please, don't let this get to you; it might make things easier. It seems like you already have enough on your plate. To me, being curvy is a noble trait. Honestly, forget the dieting. The world decided that the "ideal" body has to be thin, and everyone just follows the crowd, but that doesn't mean you won't be attractive to a guy or a group of friends. In fact, you will. Believe me, many would trade places with you in a heartbeat—maybe without the bad memories, but if you focus on the good childhood memories instead of pushing them away, you'll likely be much happier. Best of luck.