Posts by placidranger

darkhawk30 said:As Shakespeare put it: "New pain will drive out the old."
But he meant your own, not someone else's.
It's that feeling when you're already hurting, then something even worse hits you, and suddenly your previous misery doesn't seem so heavy after all.
When I'm going through a rough patch, I actually try to avoid other people's drama. I prefer to hunt for something that might actually lift my mood, even if it's just catching a glimpse of someone else's joy.
It doesn't always work, but more often than not, it does.

echoes Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so. 🙂

Samuel Miller21 said:When we are struggling with depression, the most common way people try to comfort us is by pointing out those who have it even worse—as if witnessing someone else's misery is supposed to somehow lift our spirits...

Those of us prone to depression are often also prone to intense feelings of guilt, which usually results in—or at least in my case, exacerbates—an even deeper depressive state.

Similarly, I constantly receive these chain emails filled with slideshows about starving children or the destitute, always paired with some lofty message about harmony, happiness, and finding peace.
Most of them feature that overused, award-winning photo of a malnourished child waiting for a vulture, all seasoned with these hollow humanitarian platitudes about enjoying life and appreciating the little things.

Is it just me, or is there something deeply perverse about this approach?
Should someone else's tragedy really be used as a motivator for our own happiness?

Personally, I find a bit of solace in seeing people facing much harsher realities than mine while still managing to smile. They don't view their circumstances as a tragedy. It provides a shred of inspiration to actually look for something positive in my own life.

shadowcrane192 said:Has anyone here actually delved into the titles found in those local bookstores under the "self-help" section? I find myself wondering if any of you have derived genuine value from them, or if it is all merely an exercise in selling smoke and mirrors. If you have encountered anything truly substantive, I would certainly welcome your recommendations.

There was a time when I used to devour this stuff—literally. A lot of it is pure nonsense, especially that "spiritual" self-help garbage. They love to throw in those pseudo-scientific lies about quantum physics and whatnot to sound legitimate.

The list of things I can actually recommend is pretty short. Take Wayne Dyer, for example—but only his early stuff before he started hanging out with Deepak Chopra 😵. Something like *How to Be a No-Limit Person* is decent. Then there's Maxwell Maltz - Psycho-Cybernetics, maybe Brian Tracy - Psychology of Achievement, or even Brad Blanton - Radical Honesty.
Hopefully my spelling wasn't too much of a mess 🙂
.
As for the big-name bestsellers? Usually the most useless ones in my experience 🤷—way too oversimplified and written with poetic fluff that makes them practically impossible to apply in the real world.

Anthony Bailey said:This month, I've been digging through the Law of Attraction, Michael Losier, and Harmonic Wealth by James Arthur Ray.
😳

~~~
Basically, I attract whatever I dump my attention, energy, and focus into—doesn't matter if it's positive or negative.
Law of Attraction, Michael Losier

I’ve never been able to stomach this whole "Law of Attraction" nonsense found in self-help books. They repackage it under a dozen different names—like that massive hit "The Secret"—all preaching about how some intense "faith" will magically fix your life. Tried it once. It doesn't work. 😁

KiDee 👍 👍
darkhawk30: 👍 👍

Donna Mitchell2 said:Honestly, I have so much respect for what you just said. I feel like I’m completely stuck in one spot—like, I’m spinning my wheels and getting absolutely nowhere. I'm not working, I'm not studying, and honestly, the motivation to learn anything new just isn't there anymore, which is kind of wild since I'm only 20. I don't really go out, I don't hang out with my girlfriends much... basically, my life is a total mess right now, if you catch my drift. Then I come along and read this thread by backwater, and I just can't wrap my head around it. How can someone with such an incredible education and all that knowledge still feel so unfulfilled? It makes me look at myself and realize I might be the absolute worst-case scenario here when it comes to having things totally figured out.

And there it is—just another issue we have to deal with in this backwater—misunderstanding. People see what he’s accomplished and where he’s ended up, and they probably just envy him, assuming his life is some flawless, problem-free existence.

@Donna Mitchell2, you’re seeing firsthand that fulfillment isn't guaranteed. It reminds me of an old saying: There is no way to happiness. Happiness IS the way 😁

Tyler Clark5 said:I find myself checking this thread titled "The Wasted Life" almost every single day. I have noticed a few specific things:

1. It has already been eight days since that letter regarding the Suffering of Young crkotina appeared on the forum.
2. Every day, people offer various types of advice, support, and encouragement to this romantic sufferer.
3. crkotina has been present on the forum for eight days now.

The whole situation is quite startling. It seems impossible to lay out one's problems to so many people and receive all this advice without ever saying thank you. My imagination has run wild, leading me to wonder if this is some kind of trap or a prank.
Perhaps crkotina is an author working on a novel about a tragic scientist who is secretly an artist—someone who carries their pain internally for years before finally snapping and opening up to the fanatic users of online forums. Or perhaps crkotina is a director filming a new soap opera set to air this summer. Or maybe crkotina was simply bored during the holiday on June 25th and decided to play games on the internet. Or...
I am unsure. Perhaps I am overthinking this. However, I must admit the entire thing feels strange. I wonder how many more people will step up with well-meaning advice while Mr. C. continues to inquire about funds and their stability (which is irrelevant).
Everyone, I truly admire the sheer volume of words you use to help someone who doesn't even seem to be in such bad shape. There are plenty of other people in the world who actually need help.

I see this question pop up on the forum constantly—whether the story is actually true or just fiction. Personally, I don't care. It’s not worth the mental effort. There are undoubtedly plenty of people facing similar issues out there, and if nothing else, it's a reminder that you aren't alone.

feralcobra92 said:I honestly think there’s this huge misconception that you actually have to love what you do for a living. I know very few people who truly pour their heart and soul into their careers (though I’m lucky enough to be one of those outliers!), but let's be real—most people are stuck grinding away at soul-crushing jobs at places like General Motors, working construction sites, bartending, or just pulling shifts at some tiny local shop or hospital where they barely make a dime and nobody even gives them credit for showing up. They do it because they have to, plain and simple, and having a degree on top of that feels like a total life bonus. It’s a completely different story if you’re just doing whatever your parents pushed you into and you're feeling miserable about your whole existence; honestly, switching careers probably wouldn't fix that deep-seated dissatisfaction anyway.
Who is stopping you from pursuing your actual passions during your off-hours? You can chip away at it bit by bit, just for the pure joy of it! Maybe you aren't as talented as you imagine yourself to be, but that doesn't even matter when you're doing it for yourself instead of constantly trying to prove something to everyone else.

Personally, I believe that’s the only way to lead a fulfilling life—doing what you love, leaning into your talents, and making a real contribution to society. It’s depressing that most people spend their lives in miserable, repetitive jobs just to put food on the table for themselves and their families. From a societal standpoint, it’s a massive waste because all that potential just withers away.
That’s the reality, sure—but it isn't an excuse to just drift through life on autopilot.

hiddenhawk3 said:I don't know, I might disagree. Change isn't even common; honestly, any kind of pivot is still terrifying in America. Society here is pretty stuck in its ways—it's improving, sure, but incredibly slowly. If you deviate from what most people value, you're basically asking for social backlash in one form or another. And men seem to have it easier; when it comes to being "indecisive," women get judged a bit differently. 😉
Most Americans don't want change. Most people won't even leave their hometown for a better job, let alone retrain for a new career... those who actually want to shake things up are in the minority.
Anyway, good on the old guy for having the guts. 🙏

Look, we aren't living in Scandinavia or something—we don't just swap careers every two years. But ultimately, it boils down to the individual: do you want to actually live your life, or do you just want to fit in? If you decide that doing meaningful work matters more than fitting the mold, then yeah, you deal with the backlash.

Kudos to the old man for having the guts. 🙏

I only brought up that example because I know the story well. It was commendable, certainly—but in this context, it's just proof of concept. There were quite a few people over thirty at his seminar.

Samuel Phillips2 said:Good for him. 👍

I agree.
First off, switching careers isn't nearly as rare in the States as people think.
Second—and this is the big one—everyone is constantly chasing parental approval and looking for that validation. It’s a universal human drive, sure, but once you actually sit down and weigh your priorities against your values, personal fulfillment and finding actual meaning always come first. You'll find yourself staring at your own reflection in the mirror far more often than you'll be looking for your father's nod of approval.

My old man decided to head back to college at 43.
He’d finally had enough after two decades of staring at spreadsheets in some cubicle—just total burnout. He enrolled in a part-time program about sixty miles away, knocked everything out right on schedule, and now he's hunting for a new gig. He worked full-time while studying, too; managed to cut a deal with his manager to flex his hours and make up the time later.

That whole "it's too late" narrative? It's complete nonsense.
edit:
I suppose—and I hate to say this—it probably helped him that he doesn't have his own father hovering over him anymore, criticizing every move or trying to dictate his life.

Samuel Phillips2 said:So, I finish the PhD and head straight into a postdoc. Same old routine. Time is slipping away, I'm sinking deeper into academia... and yet I feel further than ever from those childhood dreams.
I wonder where that turning point actually is. What has to happen before I finally get to do what I’m actually built for?

I'm asking myself the same thing.

Look, you're actually in a great spot because you know exactly what direction you want to take. There are plenty of people out there juggling full-time jobs, kids, and endless errands, having absolutely no clue what they want to do with their lives—they're just drifting. You have a goal.

Why a postdoc, though?

That PhD isn't going to last forever—and honestly, once you have the title, you’ll likely see a bump in pay. That extra cushion means you can work less for the same amount to support the family and actually focus on a hobby. You're young; thirty isn't old. I remember reading about this famous painter who spent her whole life wanting to paint, but didn't even pick up the brush until she retired—maybe seventy years old or something like that. She ended up becoming quite successful. I can't recall her name, 🤔
.

I’m on board with the whole hobby idea.
But let’s be real—how are you actually going to find the time for it? Where in the near or distant future do you honestly see an opening in your schedule?

hiddensailor14 said:I'm not entirely sure why so many European films look different from American ones, but I'm fairly certain it isn't just about having "better" cameras. It’s not like Europeans are amateurs who can't afford decent gear🙄
It might be more about the style, or perhaps just a different school of directing...🤷

🤣

They’re often produced on shoestring budgets. It isn't as simple as saying expensive cameras are the sole factor, but generally speaking, Hollywood puts a massive amount of money specifically into the visual presentation. There's an endless mountain of post-production involved.

If we're going to generalize—European cinema tends toward art, focusing heavily on the narrative itself. Meanwhile, American films are built for entertainment; they aim to pull in the masses with spectacle, so the investment goes right into those effects.

wearytinker8 said:Exactly, that’s the whole reason I haven't picked up a camera to make a movie yet... I refuse to let my work end up looking like some damn wedding video.
Can anyone actually explain how to get even remotely close to that high-budget cinematic aesthetic when you're working with next to nothing?
I know, it sounds like a total contradiction, but maybe there's a way...

A massive chunk of a Hollywood budget is swallowed by marketing—we're talking nearly 50% sometimes. Then you've got the big names taking huge cuts of the pie, plus rights acquisitions, or building out sets... it actually seems like the technical side is relatively the cheapest part.

Basically, you dump more cash into the cameras, the cinematographers, and post-production, while cutting every other possible expense to the bone.

Not sure if it's actually worth it, though 🤷 maybe for a kid's movie 😁

Generally speaking, Hollywood is a massive machine. The European film industry just doesn't have the capital to play in that league—there aren't any mega-conglomerates throwing around billions like Disney or Warner Bros. Consequently, what they put together tends to fall short when it comes to visual quality.

I realize I didn't directly answer the question, but let's be real: higher budgets for cameras, production, and post-production yield fundamentally different results. 🤷

Thanks for the input.
I’m going to give them a call—see if they can just mail it out or if I actually have to drive over there myself.

My health insurance card just expired—I need a replacement ASAP. Do I actually have to trek back to my home county where my permanent address is listed, or can I just head down to the local clinic here near my university to get it sorted?

I swear to God 🤣

Quit smoking—you'll feel better. Just cut back.
Do you smoke regularly?