Posts by silverraven14

So, I received this DM:

Aese said:I’m politely asking you to keep your posts shorter in the future—you tend to repeat yourself in almost every paragraph, which makes them quite exhausting to read, and as you’ve already been told, it's becoming an issue.

I deleted your post on this thread for that very reason.

Best regards.

Since I have never actually met a moderator—in terms of a direct conversation or anything on a public thread—that "as you've already been told" part doesn't hold water, at least from my perspective.
Furthermore, no one from the mod team has ever told me to shorten my posts—not a single warning, not a single DM, nothing. Unless someone popped up months later to complain while I was mid-thread, I truly have no idea what they are talking about.

Which specific rule am I breaking by being "exhausting" because I write long posts? And why is that grounds for deletion? 🤔
I know dozens of people here who aren't—in fact, I occasionally get "great post!" DMs in my inbox for long-form pieces, some even longer than mine that garnered total applause. So, length clearly isn't the problem. What gives?

In any case— I would like a public clarification (which is why I'm posting this here) regarding who exactly warned me to be more concise, and where that happened—from a moderator or admin, obviously. Everything else is just a matter of taste, not forum moderation. I am not someone who ignores warnings, so I would genuinely appreciate some enlightenment.
A link to the warning would be lovely, too.

And let's answer the questions...

• If I’m not trolling, not spamming, and not posting one-liners, then apparently I'm unwelcome?
• Am I expected to change my writing style because...?

Some people write in purple, others in green... some write in verse, some use bullet points, some write without line breaks, some ignore capitalization, some use short snippets, some yell at people, some harbor grudges over affairs, and some just have a thing for nylon stockings—all of this exists here and constitutes "style."

Style, or something else? Since when did THAT become a thorn in anyone's side?

• Do I need to start thinking like a third party, or will my posts just keep getting nuked?

I constantly see a whole bunch of mods lecturing about how "people take this forum seriously," yet now it seems I haven't met the arbitrary requirements of someone's internal checklist, so my post gets tossed. Who exactly is taking this forum seriously then? 🤷

My main gripe is that "as you've already been told" bit, because I have no record of it. That's why I'm asking publicly—so the moderator who supposedly warned me can step up and show me where.

Beyond that, I want to point out the absurdity: are moderators here to police our personal style, our way of thinking, and our manner of expression? Or are they here to steer the discussion—ensuring no one is insulting others, or making sure sub-threads are properly separated?

Are we going to get a handbook soon dictating which grammar to use, what indentation is required, how many paragraphs we need, how many sentences per paragraph, or the exact word count for an introduction, body, and conclusion?
🙂

Jason Harris5 said:...it’s just that, well, there’s actually this whole dedicated sub-forum just for parenting and raising kids. I mean, are we really going to be debating baby monitors and pacifiers right here in the middle of this thread? Just because we want to?

Setting aside how much fun the off-topic stuff can be or if the subject even fits the vibe, it’s still technically off-topic. Don't you think?

Separation could always be an option—and if it’s truly necessary, we could even look at relocation. To be clear, I’m not disputing the idea of splitting off at all.
I honestly used to believe that being a moderator was actually about something meaningful—you know, having the intuition to spot a high-quality discussion and giving it the space it deserves. After all, if we hadn't carved out that specific room for it, that entire thread about sleep hygiene wouldn't even exist.

So, let me see if I can wrap my head around the immediate benefit here—we’re on a forum dedicated to sex, and someone decides to drop a lecture about how our extracurricular activities might affect a child "sleeping" nearby. Yeah, I'm struggling to find the point too.
People tend to flock to Reddit for one of two reasons: they’re either hunting for some piece of advice they can't find elsewhere, or they just want to vent about their kids.

This isn't actually advice about parenting—it's about sex. And really, you have to weigh whether there are actual long-term consequences here, or if you can just gracefully shrug, say "whatever," and move on with your life.

I have to say, I’m officially lodging a protest against the decision to wipe out such a high-quality, genuinely useful discussion. It’s frustrating to see a thread with actual substance get scrubbed like that—especially when we were finally getting somewhere.

I’m not disputing the fact that, given how this conversation has evolved, it’s probably better to move it to a more appropriate subforum—though I'll leave the link to the right thread right here for anyone interested.
Look, like I said before—this isn't actually about the mulberry bushes; let's be real, this whole thing is about the sex. Even with that part being edited out, the tension is still palpable enough to make you sweat. If the story had taken a different turn—maybe something more suited for a gritty HBO drama—then all this back-and-forth would actually feel worth the effort.

If this were actually about "how your neighbors act up while you're busy hooking up," we wouldn't be over here in the neighborhood drama subforum, would we? 😉
Is there actually a debate to be had about whether you can scream your lungs out in a hotel room just because "you feel like it," or maybe have some loud, intense sex right next to a buddy who’s trying to sleep? I mean, sure—why not? If that's the vibe, go for it.
Kids are a much more sensitive demographic—mostly because you can't exactly shoo them away from a public area by telling them to "go find a hotel room."

If we’re going to play by these rules—where this whole "judgmental" thing is supposedly strictly for two people—then I guess nobody is allowed to mention kids anymore. You couldn't even bring up how someone's behavior, say, a messy affair, impacts their children without breaking the code. By that logic, we might as well move the entire conversation over to Reddit and call it a day.
And he isn't even moving.
Look, that’s exactly why I didn't view the ridge as some kind of "natural habitat"—just like you wouldn't consider a suburban cul-de-sac to be a natural habitat when you're sitting there venting to your wife about how to handle a betrayal, or debating the merits of husbands who only stay in the marriage for the sake of the kids.

Kids get brought up in almost every conversation these days—and honestly, it makes sense. They’re a core part of our community, after all. Besides, the way we adults carry ourselves—the choices we make and the energy we put out—has a massive, direct impact on them. It’s hard to ignore that connection.

Is it really that scandalous to say, "Think about how this affects your kids," when you bring a new hookup home? Honestly, I don’t see what’s so offensive or "disgusting" about pointing out the reality of the situation—like, why can't we just be blunt and say, "Consider the impact on your children if you're hooking up right next to them while they sleep"? If the conversation heads in that direction, fine. Let it. If a new subtopic emerges, let people hear something fresh for once. Maybe someone will actually realize they’re handling things poorly, or maybe someone else will have a moment of clarity—an "Aha! By the time I'm that age, it won't matter, and besides, they're sleeping in a different room in this cramped studio apartment anyway"—and that’ll be that. End of story.

So, they go ahead and purge a whole mountain of solid posts—just to hand out bans because of some personal crusade against the concept of childhood sexuality being "revolting"... unbelievable.
I always suspected that whenever things started getting heated—you know, when the digital pitchforks come out and people start throwing punches—it was just a convenient excuse to say "this topic is too hard to moderate." It’s the classic move: pull the thread, isolate the discussion, and lock it down tight. But honestly? I think we should leave it open. Let it stay right where it is so anyone looking for answers can actually find it. We need these conversations to remain accessible—not just to vent, but so people can actually learn something from the chaos.

It’s worth it.
Look, let’s get one thing straight—this isn't some attempt at trolling, I'm not trying to be a smart-ass, and I certainly am not throwing trash around just for the sake of it. This isn't an insult, either.
Let’s be honest—navigating life as a couple with kids, or even just planning to have them, involves some incredibly non-trivial hurdles that most people tend to gloss over.

Honestly, she’s less valuable than a broken vending machine in a deserted subway station—just a constant, irritating nuisance that pops up in random threads only to linger there, or worse, somehow manages to get highlighted.

We also have those locked threads hanging around—they stay up simply because there’s still some actual value in keeping them visible.

Look, I’m all for cleaning up the clutter—deleting spam or mindless nonsense is perfectly fine—but this? This isn't garbage.

And I’m certainly not going to fall for that "I’m the moderator, so if I say it’s garbage, then it’s garbage" line of reasoning—to which my response would simply be, "Yeah, sure it is." 😬
I won't. Because that isn't actually an argument.

Especially when you look at everything else floating around in the neighboring threads—none of which have been swept away like literal trash. Now, don't get me wrong; I don't consider any of it "garbage," though there are certainly bits and pieces that contribute nothing to the conversation. But look, this forum isn't some stuffy ivory tower where we only engage in academic debates fueled by peer-reviewed papers and CC lists. Given that there’s plenty of other content out there—content that happily exists (and hey, it's fine if it does)—labeling anything remotely educational as "trash" just completely undermines the credibility of what we're trying to do here.
User trust, much like raising a child, is earned through consistency.
It also requires introspection—a genuine willingness to learn and actually rethink how you operate.

It feels like you aren't moderating based on what we actually want, but rather on what you personally prefer. Just because a moderator decides something is true doesn't make it a fact.

Protecting forum members isn't some imaginary concept—nor is taking someone to task. Remember back during the Trkel incident? Those same complaints weren't considered "nonsense" then; now that you're in a mod position, suddenly they are?

You don't even need to reply to me—this is purely rhetorical. Everything I wanted to know has been laid out right here in black and white.

If what Richard Lewis16 did was just trolling, then every time people jump on feraljack2's bandwagon to target nimbletinker10, it counts as trolling too, at the very least.

And if you punish the person defending themselves while coddling the aggressor, well, it’s pretty logical to conclude there's favoritism at play. Either arguments can be settled without stepping in, or when you do step in, the intervention has to be fair.

Picking a side and punishing them while the other party does the exact same thing—or worse—isn't okay. I mean, that should be pretty obvious...

boldwalker12 said:I read it. And then I deleted it because this isn't the place for it on the General Discussion forum. The implications about being "threatened" are what's truly gross.

Kids are part of the General Discussion too, and we talk about sex there. On the Relationship forum, we talk about kids. Here, kids were mentioned specifically regarding how much it bothers them when older folks get all handsy or messy right in front of them while they're trying to sleep... which is basically a question about a couple's sex life and the thought, "Is my kid going to be weirded out by this?" In my opinion, it makes more sense for this to be here than on the Relationship forum, especially since we aren't even talking to the same crowd.

Look, let me just say we don't agree with your assessment. Is it a life for two? Or a life for three? It's still not the Relationship forum.

I expected a bit more sensitivity.

The moderation should be less personal. There was no insults here, no rule-breaking, so if someone really felt it belonged elsewhere, it could have—and should have—just been moved to a more appropriate sub-forum.
But no, the mods just jump in impulsively. They ignore the blatant victim-playing from angry dogs, they ignore the ad hominem attacks, and this whole thing is blowing up simply because nobody bothered to actually read the thread.

Since I’m already well aware of the backstory behind this sudden raid on General Discussion—which, by the way, hasn't been this productive in ages—I'll tell you what I told you on the other thread: We aren't going to moderate based on anyone's whims, including yours.

Please stop implying that we're letting people derail things, because that’s just not true. If you have beef with certain users, settle it privately instead of calling out the mods for not running things exactly the way you want them to.

The discussion became distasteful because everyone went totally off-topic and lost all sense of what the actual subject was. Even though you guys were practically begging people not to go down that path, everyone did it anyway. It’s honestly wild that after all that, you’d go as far as to claim the mods didn't read the discussion and start calling for some kind of revolution. It’s just arrogant and creates a pointless uproar. Just because the moderators aren't catering to your every desire doesn't mean it's okay to drag us through the mud like this. So much for "sensitivity."

I wasn't expecting any posts to come back, but I figured I'd take a shot.

I nicely suggested that you work things out with the Relationship forum moderators, but clearly, the goal here isn't actual discussion—it's just stirring the pot because certain people didn't get their way. It's not happening. Nobody is the sheriff of General Discussion, nor will they ever be. That goes for every single user on this site, yourself included.

I’m afraid you don't have the full picture.
Based on my best guess as to what you're implying—no, this has nothing to do with my stance that we shouldn't be letting people post things masquerading as expert advice or advertisements without providing a shred of actual credentials.

So, let's skip the assumptions and the patronizing attitude about knowing exactly what my motives are.
The threads are dragging on—they were, they are, and frankly, they're becoming more frequent. You all used to let these kinds of endless discussions slide as if they were perfectly fine; I'm simply pointing out that it's just unnecessary filler.

What I considered to be the topic and my objective is clearly stated right here. Please, don't flatter yourself by thinking you know me.

It’s now crystal clear to everyone that you’re moderating according to your own preferences, so there’s really no need to hide behind some claim of "objectivity." Thanks for the heads-up, I guess. That's that. 👋

Scott Miller4 said:We’ve tried to keep things on track from the very beginning, but I guess the slow drift into off-topic territory eventually landed us in this pretty distasteful debate about kids' self-gratification—something that just doesn't belong on this forum.
On a few different occasions before we had to step in and start deleting posts (both through warnings and by jumping into the thread ourselves), it was suggested that if you wanted to talk about children, you could head over to the Parenting sub.

The fact that a moderator jumps into a discussion acting like just another user isn't what I'd call a "warning." Moderators have always leaned on the excuse that once they join the fray, they're just regular users—so let's not try to flip the script here.

The only actual moderator warning I saw was when posts were deleted. I highly doubt I missed anything—I don't exactly have a habit of ignoring official notices—so no, I didn't "miss" a warning.

Secondly, the discussion isn't "distasteful," because the conversation stemmed from—how much and when a child becomes aware of sexuality—and that was framed within that specific context.

Just because some people feel uncomfortable doesn't make the topic of sexuality distasteful.

If the posts had actually been read instead of being reflexively wiped out, perhaps the conclusion would have been different.

The Relationship Forum includes families, and the topic of sex is part of the relationship dynamic; the Parenting Forum is where kids' issues live. Here, children were mentioned specifically in terms of how much it bothers them when parents are being intimate—groping, hooking up, or having sex right in front of them or while they sleep... which is a legitimate concern regarding a couple's sex life and the thought, "Is my kid going to be affected by this?"
In my opinion, this belongs here more than on the Parenting Forum, especially since it's not even the same group of people participating.

Whether "sleeping" is a valid excuse or not—that's what the thread was trying to figure out.

The discussion could have pointed out that a child shouldn't be viewed merely as an object within a relationship context.

But to you, it's "distasteful" simply because you haven't bothered to read it.

Or maybe you just don't care how your child might perceive your sex life and what precautions are sensible. Well, some of us do.
That doesn't make the discussion distasteful just because it doesn't suit your personal tastes.

Honestly, seeing it handled this way feels a bit pathetic. It's no wonder those parents were sending their kids to therapists when discussing a child's awareness is considered "distasteful" by some.
👎

I expected a bit more sensitivity, frankly.

When adults get upset because they realize they're being treated like objects, the mods immediately jump in to shut the topic down.
But our boundaries are taught by our parents... If they don't know what constitutes healthy behavior versus crossing a line, it’s no surprise our own boundaries are a mess when we grow up.

The boundary in question belongs to the sexual couple, not the child; the child is the catalyst for the question. This forum deals with adult relationships, and if thinking "Hey, will this bother my kid?" is considered distasteful, then 👎

Moderation should be less personal. There was no insults here, no violations of the rules—so this thread could have, and really should have, just been moved to a more appropriate sub-forum if it was truly deemed misplaced.

"Distastefulness" is entirely subjective, and childhood sexuality and how it's perceived is a natural topic, whether you like it or not.

Yet, the moderators reflexively dive in—things like victim-blaming go unaddressed, ad hominem attacks go ignored, but this gets nuked because it wasn't even read properly.

There was a time when this forum was a place of tolerance toward people, yet strict about actual insults... Times change, I suppose.

I wasn't expecting the posts to be restored, but I decided to take a chance anyway.

There used to be a revolution brewing, but now the result is just the same old crap in a different package. 👎

Let’s be specific—nimbletinker10 seems to be his personal thorn in the side, someone he feels the need to call out constantly:

He’s addressing her here: Feb 27, 2014, 12:30 PM

Then, just a day later, she’s suddenly "boring."

And here, he’s being provocative...

In this one, he claims nimbletinker10 is acting aggressively—and as for his comments regarding "maturity," let’s be real, that’s just an insult:

On a completely different thread (), he actually asked a woman for advice on washing machines. She told him she owns a Miele and is absolutely thrilled with it, and now the guy won't stop talking about the brand. It all started back when he was whining about how he $2833 can't afford to live in his own apartment because money is just vanishing. Some people told him he was being irresponsible, others offered suggestions—I think even nimbletinker10 gave him a few solid pointers—but the guy chronically fails to grasp the concept of shared living. When anyone tries to explain it to him, no matter how helpful the advice is, he immediately goes into this defensive crouch, acting like he's being attacked or just wasn't understood 🤣

It’s just the same loop over and over.
First, it was the money issues—complaining about not having a million-dollar house (which is incredibly expensive to furnish these days)—and then people told him he'd messed up...

Now, he's arguing here about which vacuum cleaner is better, just so he can claim that he ACTUALLY has plenty of cash but "needs to save, because you never know."

In another thread earlier, he mentioned his wife is pregnant and they need to buy gear for the baby, implying they're broke.

And yet, he also mentioned that she’s actually the one managing the funds (even though here he’s talking about joint accounts)

Basically, it feels like trolling. Because if you don't have money, you don't have money—you don't suddenly manifest $25,000 in your bank account and then keep insisting you can't afford a washing machine while obsessively clinging to the Miele brand. He didn't even ask *why* Miele—just "it's expensive"—and nobody told him he HAD to buy it. Plus, picking fights with people is getting tedious to watch. It isn't a case of "I'm trying to understand," it's more like "You're different, therefore you're wrong."

Here, after my countless explanations (yeah, I know, I'm an idiot, I actually thought he was genuinely interested), he's twisting my words regarding what I consider selfish:

Simultaneously, he's throwing shade at me, claiming people with separate bank accounts are selfish, while mocking nimbletinker10's views on privacy.

He keeps repeating like a parrot that he doesn't see the point of separate accounts, but no explanation is ever good enough for him.

But he definitely goes after nimbletinker10:

I don't know why he's targeting nimbletinker10 like this; publicly, it looks like he's obsessively fixated on that Miele washing machine—the very one HE asked about in the savings thread.
That is what's truly bizarre and honestly exhausting. Like, seriously, how much longer is this going to go on? 🤷

As for my own experience... I don't know, maybe it’s because I didn't go easy on him in his DMs when he was insisting—quite loudly, I might add—that everyone participating in this budget thread was basically an idiot who had never lived a day in the real world. Ironically, the community actually stepped up with some incredibly solid advice and ideas. I thought he was being relatively chill on the sub-forum at first, so I didn't bother tracking who was who or who had been part of these circles longer; I just tried to tell him to take it down a notch and that people actually *want* to help since they have actual life experience. It was all for nothing.
And then this whole thing spilled over into the other thread.

Look, I have zero issue with someone disagreeing, being uninformed, or simply refusing to learn. What I *do* have an issue with is the constant jumping at people with ad hominem attacks. He targeted me once or twice, sure, but regarding nimbletinker10, he became downright exhausting. Other people mentioning they have separate bank accounts didn't seem to trigger him nearly as much—if they hadn't, this wouldn't be such a massive outlier.
And that "you have money, you don't have money" bit? Yeah, it reeks of trolling.

I haven't seen what was scrubbed from Richard Lewis16's posts so I can't say what was actually there, but I'm referring to what's left on the screen.

Even if he did get a warning via DM from the moderation team about resorting to personal attacks, clearly it didn't stick.

I originally came here for a topic I actually care about, but I caught wind of this and realized I wasn't the only one feeling the pressure from his constant twisting of words—both mine and others'. I sent in a report, but I didn't see any real response to that specific thread. Honestly, I can't even remember which specific post it was anymore; he's on my ignore list now, and quite frankly, I don't feel like opening his stuff just to remind myself why I clicked the "ignore" button in the first place.

When I finally asked him to actually quote me—since he kept flipping my statements around—he just went silent...

That was the moment I concluded that—in my opinion—he's just a troll, not a legitimate participant in a debate.

Honestly, this isn't even a discussion anymore; it's more like... whatever you want to call it. These are links from the last few pages, but his blatant intolerance for anything that doesn't align with his worldview pops up constantly. You won't miss out on the drama, though; there's plenty more of that in the budget thread.

For instance, right at the start, he claims people are starving and only surviving on handouts from their parents:

And then he starts mocking anyone who says they can manage on those (lower) amounts, implying "only people with Mom and Dad's help can survive on that":
Which is hilarious, considering people are chiming in saying they live independently on even less than that two-person budget...

So, yeah... very riveting reading material. 😬

We don't all have to be perfectly pleasant, but IMO, basic conversational etiquette dictates that you don't twist people's words, snap at your interlocutors, or jump down their throats—especially not after spending an hour talking to someone only to suddenly brush them off with "why are you even talking to me?" or "why are you commenting on my stuff?" 🤷

It's perfectly fine if a kid knows nothing about finance. It's just getting tedious watching him flail his arms around and scream that nobody else understands anything, all while throwing insults—no matter how "classily" he tries to wrap them up. 🤷

If users don't see any actual results from their reports, they naturally assume the moderation team simply doesn't care—or worse, that this behavior is being tacitly permitted. That leads to a logical breaking point: if he’s allowed to call me out, why should I bother calling him out?

There’s a guy blowing off steam across three different threads because his own life is a disorganized mess—look, some of us aren't exactly geniuses, and we didn't come here to take a masterclass in logic, but if the moderator won't step in to stop the verbal abuse, why should the users sit there and take it without reacting? 🤷

He isn't the only one getting a free pass; he's just the one making headlines right now.
Honestly, he's almost decent—he just yells too much. There are others who are far more blatant with their insults across the forums and even over on social media, yet nobody says a word because apparently, they're all "charming" in their own unique, toxic way. 😬

Just hit the ignore button and move on. In principle, that's really your only move when you realize someone is being allowed to just trash everyone else.

I’ve pulled this specific thread out from a larger discussion regarding sleep habits.

The conversation drifted into the territory of intimacy and kids—specifically, how much it actually bothers them when parents are being active, at what age it starts becoming an issue, and how to handle things discreetly.

Unfortunately, all those posts filled with genuinely helpful info and thoughtful questions have been wiped clean.

I honestly don't get why they weren't just moved to Reddit instead. If there was a better home for it there, fine, but I don't see the necessity—Reddit is where the parenting crowds hang out anyway. On this forum, a thread like this would be perfect for planting a little seed of doubt in couples' minds... whereas on Reddit, people actually talk about sex, which isn't really the vibe here.

It feels like a real shame to ignore the educational aspect of this. I mean, it’s not like it’s going to suddenly occur to some people, "Oh, wait, maybe our late-night activities might bother the kid while they're sleeping"...

The Thread:

The Warning:


Unless the mods have vanished into thin air, is there any way we can salvage this and move it to its own section?

Edit: Yeah, looking back at the opening post, it specifically touches on whether children disrupt a couple's intimacy in bed.
And since intimacy includes sex... well, the whole warning feels pretty bizarre to me. It essentially nuked a bunch of high-quality information.

Jason Ortiz5 said:silverraven14, you ever think about jumping over to the private sector for a bit? 😁

Man, people really do burn themselves out at work. It’s just that at places like FedEx, everything is scheduled out decades in advance, so you basically just have to chill out before your shift and grit your teeth through it...

I know people who snap because they're constantly cleaning up someone else's mess, but I don't see anyone snapping out of fear of being fired when *they* are the ones who made the mistake. In fact, it seems like nobody actually cares about mistakes; if anything, the person responsible just denies they even happened if anyone dares to mention them.
And honestly, I know all about those cases where the blame gets shifted to the wrong person, too.

I just don't see anyone getting a "yellow card" warning after a first mistake and then actually taking responsibility for it.

So, yeah, a public lynching is overkill and it’s certainly not going to change the collective mindset. *That* is what actually matters, not just shouting down one single teacher.
Demanding accountability and damage control is fine—for this situation and a whole bunch of similar ones—and that can actually drive change. Talking to other parents and spreading the idea will do more for society than firing one person.

What, should we just start handing out termination notices for every little slip-up?

Besides, some people commit violence and cause harm with much more subtle methods; this "you're stupid" approach is at least easy to identify and deal with.

Look, there are bad employees, plain and simple. But just as we generally agree that slapping a child isn't a foundation for good parenting, threatening someone with termination isn't a foundation for developing a quality educator.

I've already said quite a bit about how our educational system is failing to properly train its training staff.
Maybe you'll feel the reality of it yourselves when you make a mistake due to lack of experience and find yourself facing a pink slip. Perhaps then you'll realize that working in constant fear isn't exactly a great way to live...

Thanks for the question, but I am well aware of the reality around me, and I truly believe you can't fix bad behavior by using bad methods. So, go ahead, hand out your self-righteous corrective slaps and try to build "respect" through intimidation 🤷
Personally, that's just distasteful to me. I prefer humanity, understanding mistakes, and giving people a second chance—provided, of course, they admit the mistake and actually want to improve.

I have no idea what kind of teacher this is, or whether she's being fake or sincere, but I'm talking about the general approach here. I'm trying to explain that jumping straight to "warning before firing" isn't something to be tossed around lightly, despite the calls for a lynching and comments like "she wouldn't do that to my kid" or "I'll show her"... For crying out loud, don't raise children to be fragile. A hundred people might tell you the teacher was wrong, but you need to teach the child how to handle it—both the situation and their own reaction to it. You can't threaten his boss with a lawsuit, but you can teach your child how to stand up for themselves—so that one day they can look a manager in the eye and say, "You shouldn't have handled that conversation that way."

I still think what happened here is perfectly fine given the current circumstances, and we should just wait to see how it develops.

It’s also important that your child trusts you enough to talk, though sometimes insisting on absolute justice isn't the best move for the child—for instance, if they end up being harassed by a professional.
And since a desire for revenge isn't limited to forum members, pushing someone toward termination could backfire on your child, and you won't be able to prove it.

That's why it's vital to act calmly and tactically; sometimes the most valuable lesson is learning how to simply ignore a fool.
Aggression in defending your child can end up being counterproductive, whereas a little patience and diplomacy can yield much better results. Besides, if you're constantly barking, people stop listening; if you cooperate and then only bark when things get serious, people will actually take you seriously.

Look, how you carry yourself reflects directly on your kid at school—it’s an extension of your own behavior, so you really have to decide how you want to show up.

The phrase "I can see you're having a really hard time" is actually a brilliant way to de-escalate a situation—but honestly, it backfires completely if you don't actually mean it, or if there isn't any genuine empathy behind the words.

Jason Ortiz5 said:I mostly agree with that, but honestly, that's not even my main concern here. Think about it—if you're working a service job, like a cashier at Target or someone behind a counter at Starbucks, and you start asking customers, "Are you an idiot?" there wouldn't be any debate. You mess up once like that, and you're fired on the spot. Boom, gone. But when it comes to public school teachers and students, it's a whole different story, right? It's never that simple. Suddenly it's all excuses, stories, and "well, they meant well..." People don't just get handed pink slips in other industries, but in education, it feels like there's this massive cushion. I just can't wrap my head around why we have such double standards...🤷

Look, I haven't personally seen anyone lose their job over something much bigger than being called "stupid," which is why I find it ridiculous to insist on a "yellow card" for a first mistake when I see a mountain of infractions being ignored entirely.
And honestly? I highly doubt there isn't someone out there who has messed up a few times without getting fired.
Of course, it depends on the nature of the error, the fallout, and whether they actually own up to it.

But if we lived in a system where everyone had a guillotine hanging over their heads after a single slip-up, people would be absolutely paralyzed by pressure. Nobody is perfect. It really just boils down to how much effort someone puts into fixing their mess or preventing it from happening again.
Thankfully, people aren't constantly facing execution, so I guess the "mass firing" scenario isn't quite as widespread as some suggest.

In my book, I wouldn't fire someone for making a mistake; I’d fire the person who thinks there’s nothing to fix or mitigate—the one who insists that doing it wrong is just "how things work." Now *that* person? Gone.
The first person, though? I'd just guide them toward what acceptable behavior actually looks like.

That whole "methodological principle" about not just telling kids what *not* to do, but showing them what they *should* do... it's a bit laughable.
The kicker is that unless someone provides you with a model of good practice—you know, based on actual experience—how are you supposed to know better? Behavior is a skill you have to learn, and if nobody tells you that you're failing, how can you possibly realize it?

I mean, look at how many families scream at their kids, insult them, or belittle them—it’s treated as totally normal. If someone grows up in that environment and never stops to self-reflect, they won't even realize they’re behaving poorly.

My own mother didn't even realize she was using objectively terrible parenting tactics until I pointed them out—and trust me, I've definitely spotted some questionable moves over the years.

I once met a person whose entire job is training faculty, and she talks about her own childhood beatings with such nostalgia, justifying the old mindset of "just screw around during class, and you'll pay for it during the exam." A student learning from her isn't going to pick up anything constructive if she doesn't take a hard look at herself. And how many people actually reflect? Most just pass the test and move on, relying on whatever bad habits they picked up because no one ever told them those habits were wrong—instead, the old, broken system just keeps patting itself on the back.

It's the same thing with teachers overlooking cheating, or handing out unearned A's, or the "teacher's pet" receiving special treatment—all of which insults a student's intelligence and spits on the entire educational system. There's a whole laundry list of it.

People will get offended if you call them "dumb," but they won't blink an eye at a grade that was handed out as a favor... yet both actions cause real damage.
Thanks to this culture of cutting corners, I've encountered people in regular college programs who genuinely can't divide 12 by 4, claiming "dyslexia" is the culprit. Seriously? Dyslexia? They can't follow a simple verbal instruction or a written task? Really? I'm certain they know exactly how much change they need when they're buying a beer at a bar. Yet, they cruised through elementary and high school just fine.
Honestly, I’d fire someone like that—not because they failed, but because the system let them slide. If they truly don't know, fine. But if they're just refusing to learn, then shame on the people who made excuses for them and taught them how to dodge responsibility. Way to go. 👎
(Apparently, reading comprehension wasn't a priority for math, but it works perfectly for Facebook and those heavy literature courses...)

So, we’re looking at a few more generations before this really shifts—until then, the focus has to be on systematic education. Sanctions aren't exactly a teaching tool, and let’s be honest, just "loving what you do" isn't some magic shield against making mistakes. Plus, seeing someone working on the trading floor doesn't actually tell you a damn thing about their competence. You have to invest heavily in a skilled professional; they don't just roll out of a university with a perfect GPA ready to conquer Wall Street. Real-world application is a constant, daily grind of challenges.
Besides, you need someone to call you out when you mess up—we aren't always great at spotting our own blind spots, and if things aren't pointed out immediately, they're easy to forget.

Ronald Chase17 said:I wouldn't say that every pregnant woman who has an "unexpected" pregnancy complains.
Based on your logic, there are only two types of pregnant women: those planning a pregnancy who are now happy, or those complaining because they were irresponsible and failed to use contraception.

I believe there is a significant distinction between the "fear" of pregnancy experienced by someone who frequently changes partners versus someone in a long-term relationship who approaches contraception—whether panicky or composed—in accordance with that fear.
There are actually far more variables involved in how one approaches this.

The bolded part clearly describes a state of panic regarding pregnancy.

It strikes me as somewhat odd to receive advice from someone who states:

or someone who views everything in such black-and-white terms.

Not everyone has access to every type of contraception—in my case, I cannot use either of the major categories you listed. That significantly limits availability regardless of how many options exist on paper.

And yes, a pregnancy "happened" to me, and while I was surprised initially, I did not "wonder" or "complain" in the manner you suggest I should have.
Quite the opposite, actually; both my partner and I are overjoyed, and we are currently adjusting to the situation to ensure everything is ready for our little one.

No, you missed my point entirely. I was specifically referring to one particular group:
IF people whine after unprotected sex and try to play it off by saying it just "happened" (an unplanned pregnancy), then yes—they are being irresponsible and immature.

The ones who meticulously plan when to have a child fall into a different category—though if you look closely, there are a few others who also plan things out.

3) Then there are those who consciously choose not to use protection and aren't shocked out of their minds when they end up pregnant. Sure, maybe the timing isn't ideal—it’s not like they sat down to draft a detailed astrological forecast for their future child—but they take responsibility for their actions. They know that "you reap what you sow."
So, these are the people who are fine with kids, even if they didn't launch the whole "baby project" with a list of technical specifications. The timing might catch them off guard, but the actual fact of getting pregnant certainly won't.

4) And then there are those who absolutely DO NOT want children, and they actually put in the effort to prevent it. There is a massive array of contraception available—I don't even want to start listing them all. A local Planned Parenthood can give you a full rundown.
The point is—if you DON'T want it, you’re going to do your homework, learn the statistics for various methods, and accept the inherent risks. In my view, these people have every right to say it happened unexpectedly, because they genuinely tried to prevent it—even if it was due to misinformation or someone missing an appointment... and so on.
However, I haven't heard people in this group whining if it does happen. Honestly, they were already aware of the risks—that birth control can fail, or that they might slip up during the process. When it happens, they just deal with the reality of it. It might be unexpected, but they knew the possibility existed if they were having sex, right?

By the way, checking a condom after sex is considered proper usage; it's literally written in the instructions on every single box.

But I wasn't talking about people who take responsibility, because, frankly, I haven't heard them whining or acting completely bewildered about how a pregnancy could possibly occur. I ran into people whose method failed, or who chose not to protect themselves.

That sense of shock and using the excuse that it "just happened" as a way to dodge accountability—I've only ever heard that from people who live by the "not me" philosophy. There's even a special sub-category of that: "Oh, he'll pull out before he finishes..." And then, when it's time, she brings up an abortion with the same casual tone someone uses when they're heading to a manicure because a nail chipped... and then, well, you get the idea.

And yes, that is irresponsible.
Everything else is either planned or involves taking ownership of one's own choices.

Actually, I'm throwing those who fake using contraception into Type 1—people who don't follow directions and simply don't care. So you have sex without a condom, then pop one on only when the guy feels like he's getting close; or someone takes their pill at random times, skipping days whenever they feel like it, or pulling out their NuvaRing five hours early (because they were out until 2 AM) and stuff like that.
For some, it's just a performance to sell themselves better: "Oh yeah, I take the pill, don't worry about it..." Give me a break.

Some details aren't explicitly stated in every instruction manual (like how you shouldn't take St. John's Wort orally if you're on hormonal contraceptives), but failing to follow basic instructions is just as irresponsible as not using birth control at all—especially when you don't want a kid.

And yeah, my pregnancy was a bit of a "surprise" too—I definitely wasn't expecting it at first—but I didn't sit around "acting shocked" or "playing the victim" like you seem to think I should have
. In fact, it was the exact opposite; my partner and I are absolutely over the moon, and we’re currently busy figuring out how to navigate this whole new reality and get everything ready for our little one.

I think it's clearer now: I don't believe there's any point in whining if you're fully aware of the consequences and you own them. So, if I'm reading you right, you fall into type 3 or 4 according to this 'classification' of yours...

Personally, only type 1 really gets under my skin—those people who play the martyr against "the system"... acting like everyone else is somehow to blame for their own lack of responsibility.

To put it bluntly—you've got the irresponsible ones who aren't looking for kids, and then you have the responsible ones who plan their lives in various ways (whether they want kids ASAP, not right now, or not at all...). In that sense, there are two main groups, though the "responsible" group has way more subcategories; I was just focusing on the first lot earlier 😉

It honestly fascinates me how quickly things happen for those who aren't trying and aren't careful, yet it can take an eternity for those who genuinely want a baby and are doing everything right... 😢

Speaking of gender, I really don't get all this drama from certain women (mentally speaking), or those patronizing "comforting" phrases like "it'll be different next time" or "as long as they're healthy," unless it's a boy first.

My dad really wanted a girl, while my mom couldn't have cared less. When I was born, he was practically jumping for joy, hugging my sister who gave him the news. Back then, people actually thought he was being ridiculous because, apparently, who celebrates having a baby girl...
I wouldn't say I'm indifferent, though; I have a feeling I might find it easier to relate to a daughter if she takes after me—since that's familiar territory—but if it's a boy, I'm totally fine with that too. It’s going to be an adventure regardless of what's under the hood...

My conclusion? I don't want to know the sex until the baby is actually here. Since I'm not a fan of all these pink-vs-blue divisions anyway, I don't see how knowing early would change anything for me, pretty much until puberty hits 🤔
And if it doesn't matter to me, then why are other people sticking their noses where they don't belong? And all that belly rubbing... yikes.

Ronald Chase17 said:I also considered pursuing my PhD this year, but I’ve decided to push it back a year..
university isn't going anywhere..

And this whole discussion regarding planning children... I am truly speechless
I have already encountered several instances where women act genuinely bewildered that someone could "accidentally" have a child at age 21
When I see that attitude, I immediately imagine some caricature of a woman who schedules sex with her husband—not a boyfriend, because in her worldview, sex occurs strictly within marriage—with clinical precision, like Wednesday at 8:30 PM

I have developed the impression that for many couples, the first child is unplanned simply because there is never a "perfect" moment to have one. First, they must finish school, then they decide to move in together, then they buy a car, then they aim to purchase a house or a condo... and they never quite have "enough" money

Until I actually began to feel the baby moving, I mostly "forgot" I was pregnant.
(I didn't suffer from morning sickness—which I know is usually the primary reminder for most expectant mothers)
As the movements become more frequent, so does my focus on him; I talk to him and so on. I already know I love him more than anything in the world, but when I finally see him, it will be definitive—as you said, love at first sight

Recently, a friend told me that I don't exactly strike her as the "baby type." I wasn't offended or insulted, as most people would predictably be; I simply found it absurd

I have come to realize how much I despise these assumptions made about pregnant women.
To start with—the nausea.
Everyone, without exception, asks if the vomiting has stopped—and I find myself repeating like a parrot that I never had any, which leads them to look at me with such confusion, blah blah blah
Next—weight gain.
I don't believe others are concerned about my weight; rather, they seem to enjoy commenting on it, as if my pounds are somehow contagious
Then, the ultimate question of all: "Was this planned or...?"
Why does it matter? And why is it any of your business?
Whenever I have a nervous breakdown, everyone assumes it's due to the pregnancy. I wouldn't go that far, as I had breakdowns long before this, but now I am being careful because I know I shouldn't let myself get worked up for the sake of the baby..

Furthermore, there is an aspect of this discourse that truly grates on my nerves... the incessant bickering among expectant mothers regarding who will be the "better" parent, or who will harbor a deeper affection for their child, and so on and so forth. In my estimation, this performative competition is perhaps the most egregious element of the entire ordeal.
I suppose one could argue that engaging in endless debates on internet forums is the most effective way to demonstrate one's devotion to their offspring.

Honestly, I don't get how anyone can be surprised when a baby "happens" if they're being intimate without proper contraception—which, let's be real, is readily available everywhere in America in the 21st century.
Between condoms and hormonal options, there are plenty of ways to handle it.

The "pull out" method isn't actual birth control; it's a total delusion.

It's the same story with people failing to check if a condom actually held up after sex, or just generally being careless about using protection correctly and consistently.
Most of these mishaps come down to the human factor—but those who engage in unprotected sex and then complain about an unplanned pregnancy? Yeah, they’re just irresponsible. It’s not a mystery; it happens all over the place.

And no, you don't prevent a pregnancy by scheduling your marital duties for 8:30 PM; you do it with reliable contraception, which—by the way—allows you to be spontaneous whenever the mood strikes.

In fact, most women I know who have active sex lives but aren't looking to start a family are extremely diligent about using birth control.
On the flip side, those who wait until marriage often view contraception as a sin, so if they end up surprised... well, fine. Or not, if they were only ever doing it for procreation anyway. 😛

Larry Howard4 said:Changing schools isn't some casual thing you just do on a whim. It’s not like switching out a lightbulb or grabbing a different coffee at Starbucks. You don't just decide today you're going here, and tomorrow you're over there.
I'm guessing what happens next is pretty predictable—that teacher will suddenly start paying way more attention to the kid mentioned in the original post, but she'll be just as attentive to all the other students in her class too.

I honestly think this is just one more option you need to keep on your radar—and please, let’s not sit around for years waiting for things to magically fix themselves. That's never how it works.
Look, I’m definitely not saying this should be someone's first move—it's certainly not an option you want to rush into—but I truly believe it’s a card worth playing if nothing else is working. At the end of the day, changing schools is a minor hiccup in the grand scheme of things. It is far better to deal with the temporary upheaval of moving to a new district than to sit there and endure constant bullying, harassment, and all that other "fun" nonsense.

If you haven't tasted something like that—or stood right in the middle of it—you probably don't have enough empathy to grasp the fallout. Even if a kid seems perfectly fine on the surface, the long-term consequences can be devastating.

I honestly think there’s a certain merit to being a bit of a whiner sometimes. I mean, if you actually speak up when something hurts—whether it’s a physical ache or just some mental exhaustion—people might actually step in to help before things spiral. If you develop this massive, stoic tolerance and just swallow everything, you end up letting all that tension eat you alive from the inside out—all while everyone around you stays completely oblivious to the fact that you're actually struggling.

It’s honestly pretty great to see this girl finally lose her cool.
It’s honestly such a tragedy that it took this long to actually trust her—to finally give her the support she needed to walk away from that situation. This is one of those hard lessons we can all take away from other people's experiences: the absolute necessity of actually listening when a kid speaks up. We really need to start paying attention to what's being said behind the scenes, especially when a child says they "hate school." There is so much more weight behind those words than most adults ever care to realize.

The go-to response is almost always some dismissive, "Oh, they're just going through puberty..."—as if that explains away every single outburst.
It’s actually quite refreshing to see that this has finally reached the ears of the people who actually have the power to change things...

Switching schools? Honestly, I’d love to see anyone actually try and stop me...
It’s honestly ridiculous—you can get a transfer during the very first week of freshman year just by claiming you "don't like it here." No deep reasoning required, no actual justification needed; just a simple case of buyer's remorse and suddenly you're being moved around.
Verified.
Honestly, I can’t imagine anyone having the backbone to actually step in and stop a school transfer when things like bullying are involved—it's just one of those situations where the system feels designed to let people slip through the cracks.

I switched out my religion class for ethics after about two weeks during my junior year—well, more like three weeks if you count the indecision. A few people actually tried to pull the "according to the student handbook, you should have requested the change at the end of the previous term" card on me. Honestly? Please. The administrator who was trying to enforce that rule turned out to be such a headache that I decided I wasn't stepping foot back in her office anytime soon. They told me I had to file some formal written petition to make it official, but a week later, I was sitting in Ethics just fine.
If I can trust my memory—and since there’s absolutely nobody around to tell me otherwise, I suppose I have to—I think that's how it went.

I wasn't exactly being assertive—definitely not my strongest suit—but I wasn't about to let them mess with my head, either. In the end, we managed to hash everything out over a few conversations. It’s just a shame the company handbook makes things unnecessarily difficult.

Look, emergencies are emergencies—there’s no way around that—and at the end of the day, every single case is its own unique beast.
Regulations exist to provide a basic framework—to keep things from spiraling into total chaos or blatant fraud—but let’s be honest: when you’re dealing with something truly exceptional, the standard rulebook usually goes right out the window. You can't just apply a one-size-fits-all template to something unique and expect it to work.

Look, if there’s a legitimate reason to switch schools, then switching should be an option—plain and simple. Sure, there might be some bureaucratic hoops to jump through or specific conditions to meet, but let’s be real: if you hit a dead end with the local district administration, you can always take the fight straight to the Secretary of Education. If the system at the bottom keeps stalling, you escalate. It's that basic.

Here’s how I see this playing out—the professor is going to suddenly become much more attentive and, frankly, a lot more considerate toward the kid from the original post, as well as the rest of her students. It's usually how these things go.

Now, this would be a pretty solid turn of events—and honestly, I’ve got my fingers crossed that it actually plays out that way. 😉

Raymond Rivera6 said:Sure, verbal aggression is deeply embedded in our society, but isn't it precisely the job of an educator to try and uproot it rather than encourage it?
It's true, everyone has bad days, but frankly, as a parent, I don't care. I don't care if she had a fight with her husband, if her paycheck was light, or if she's just in a mood for some arbitrary reason. At the end of the day, a person with her level of experience—she's hardly a novice—should have mastered emotional regulation long ago if she chose a career working with children.
What I'm seeing at home is a pre-teen being set back to square one. Because as his parent, I remember vividly what we went through when he was in second grade, coming home in tears because he felt stupid, wondering why everyone else could do things he couldn't. There were thrown books, outbursts of frustration, my constant encouragement, and likely even some teasing... And now that things have finally stabilized, an educator tells him he's stupid.
I am not the type of parent who hunts for flaws in teachers over every little thing—like when dala mentioned him having to wipe the chalkboard in first grade, or when he tripped during recess and where the playground monitor was. I am fully aware that there are incredibly exhausting parents out there, but in this specific instance, I believe she earned that reprimand.

If you don't even realize what counts as verbal abuse, how on earth are you supposed to stop it?
http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/verbal_abuse.html

And honestly, I don't consider it "abuse" when someone makes a single slip-up—provided they actually realize they hurt you (whether you tell them or they just see it) and they actually learn from the mistake...

I mean, let's be real: incredibly few people around us—regardless of their profession—actually take verbal behavior seriously. Most aren't even aware these specific "categories" exist, let alone capable of pausing to analyze every single word or gesture they throw out there.

I think we sometimes set these impossibly high standards, forgetting that even we wouldn't be able to meet them consistently—not even within our own homes.

Look, I get it—you might think, "I don't care if she had a bad day; if she took responsibility for looking after the kids, she shouldn't be causing harm." And that's fair. That should be the gold standard we all aim for, whether we're the service providers or the clients. Education itself is a service.
But, at the same time, we aren't being served by robots. We aren't perfect; we mess up. Not even out of malice, just because—well, it takes several brains working in tandem to be fully conscious of what every sentence or movement might signify to someone else in the heat of the moment.

What Frank Thomas92 said is spot on—if she’s a bad person, you’ll see it.
If she isn't, don't go poisoning your own headspace with thoughts like, "How could she do that? She needs to be taught a lesson 🐉" and such.

Generally speaking, people react to both positive and negative stimuli. The silver lining is that things can be repaired.
So, if you experience something hurtful from, say, a teacher, they can redeem themselves in your eyes through a series of positive interactions, effectively "balancing the books" emotionally. It’s the same logic as if they are mostly great—one bad moment won't completely tank the relationship.
Psychologists have actually calculated ratios for this, depending on the type of relationship, regarding how many positive actions it takes to offset one negative one.
In a student-teacher dynamic, the ratio is 4.
With a partner, it's 5; parents, 3; friends, 8; and a coach? That's 10.
Basically, a coach's criticism hits the psyche much harder than a mom's jab.😬

I picked this info up at a psychology workshop once—though, unfortunately, I can't recall which specific textbook it came from.

Those numbers explain why we tend to "remember" the negatives more vividly—they leave a deeper scar. But it isn't irreparable—it just requires the person who caused the damage to be the one to fix it.

That's probably why it felt like such an uphill battle for you to make up for the damage others caused him.
As for this woman, I'd say she’s already earned at least one "plus" in your child's eyes. Her future actions will either add more points or land her more penalties. But at the end of the day, that's on her.

Your job is to watch how your kid is feeling. If you see that she truly is a bad actor, and your attempts to intervene aren't getting through to her, then yeah—you turn everything upside down if you have to.

What you did just now was great. I'm crossing my fingers that she isn't a malicious person, but was simply unaware of her impact for whatever reason.

Raymond Rivera6 said:Sure, verbal aggression is deeply embedded in our society, but isn't it precisely the job of an educator to try and uproot it rather than encourage it?
It's true, everyone has bad days, but frankly, as a parent, I don't care. I don't care if she had a fight with her husband, if her paycheck was light, or if she's just in a mood for some arbitrary reason. At the end of the day, a person with her level of experience—she's hardly a novice—should have mastered emotional regulation long ago if she chose a career working with children.
What I'm seeing at home is a pre-teen being set back to square one. Because as his parent, I remember vividly what we went through when he was in second grade, coming home in tears because he felt stupid, wondering why everyone else could do things he couldn't. There were thrown books, outbursts of frustration, my constant encouragement, and likely even some teasing... And now that things have finally stabilized, an educator tells him he's stupid.
I am not the type of parent who hunts for flaws in teachers over every little thing—like when dala mentioned him having to wipe the chalkboard in first grade, or when he tripped during recess and where the playground monitor was. I am fully aware that there are incredibly exhausting parents out there, but in this specific instance, I believe she earned that reprimand.

Are you actually considering the possibility that her supervisor or a colleague might have already given her a talking-to? It could mean anything, for all we know, and you might never even find out.

The whole issue isn't about "getting satisfaction"—it's about how your kid is actually feeling emotionally.😉

By the way, this is only the second time I've heard of a teacher actually showing up with a public apology.
People find it incredibly difficult to just say, "I screwed up, I'm sorry."
Instead, they tend to launch into these long-winded, generalized ramblings—basically just trying to wiggle out of it. Rather than taking actual responsibility, they try to blame the alignment of the planets or their zodiac sign.🤣

Based on what you described, it sounds like she gave a half-hearted version—something along the lines of "well, adults make mistakes too." But from what I can tell, people find it maddeningly hard to offer a genuine, personal, "I messed up, I am sorry, how can I fix this/how can I make it right?"
I'm not talking about a casual, passing "sorry" tossed over a shoulder; I mean the kind where you actually have to grow a pair and face someone. Especially when it comes to addressing those they consider "subordinates."

Out of the four essential polite phrases—please, excuse me, thank you, and sorry—that last one is so rarely heard it’s almost fascinating.

So, who knows? Maybe your kid will actually learn something from this teacher after all.😉

Just explain to the kid that everyone makes mistakes and that giving someone a second chance is part of being human. Besides, you can always go for the throat later—there's no need to rush. Make sure you're certain you haven't misjudged the situation first.🥳

Linda Price5 said:Especially when you know you have the upper hand. You probably wouldn't tell a CEO or a senior consultant, "God, you are an idiot," 🤦even if the thought crossed your mind a hundred times.

It’s good that she went public with her apology.

Fair point. Plenty of things fly back at a 'subordinate.'
Then again, plenty flies up at the boss too—it all depends on the context. Slamming doors, getting loud, refusing a task...
No, we aren't born assertive. And we certainly aren't perfect.

Look, it's never okay for anything aggressive—or potentially aggressive—to happen, but you aren't going to teach someone that their behavior is unacceptable by holding a guillotine over their neck.

If nobody used verbal outbursts or mistakes in polite society, this would be a scandal.

But in a culture where it's perfectly fine to tell someone they're bottom-of-the-barrel, unwanted, or that they stink—only to follow it up with, "Oh, why are you so sensitive? You can't take a joke"—well, it'll take generations before people recognize that kind of thing as abusive behavior.

The problem is, the people who think they can say whatever they want are considered 'cool,' or even excused with a "that's just how he is." So, it's incredibly difficult for people to realize that bullying and verbal abuse exist beyond just shouting and insults.

Yes, there needs to be awareness and an effort to reduce it. A professor who sincerely apologizes for a mistake is like finding a needle in a haystack.
You don't need to rip it out immediately.

And it really bugs me when people demand empathy for themselves while refusing to give any to others. Very few people actually live their lives—or conduct their jobs and hobbies—completely flawlessly, both toward themselves and everyone else.

Some mistakes are bad enough to warrant firing, but others just deserve a nasty look.

Sure, there are bad teachers. But one mistake doesn't make them a bad person—nor do ten, provided they actually realize where they went wrong, learn from it, and strive not to repeat it.

Learning is a lifelong process.

There are even groups of people training future educators who think it's a shame corporal punishment was removed from schools.
So, a teacher who feels genuine remorse for a mistake—like the one described in the first post—and takes accountability... that's the potential for a truly great educator.

The one who apologizes just to follow protocol? They aren't.

As for this specific case, time will tell.

And yes, if a kid is stuck in a classroom with a bad teacher (and I mean proven bad), they should change classes, or even change schools.
We have to adapt to new environments all the time; it shouldn't have to be a traumatic event.
If you have a boss who is an absolute moron, you shouldn't force yourself to endure them if there's a way out.

That isn't running away from a problem; it's protecting your own sanity. Not every situation warrants endurance—especially not in the education system. If there's an option, you should consider it and have the guts to walk away from whatever is making you suffer.

So, teachers get two strikes, regardless of what kind of mistake it was.

Does that rule apply everywhere else? Like, should we be looking to fire a bank teller for failing to pass along paperwork, or someone who typos an address, or just having a rough day? Or a bus driver, or a cashier at Target...

Look, people mess up. Pointing out a mistake is part of the job—obviously.

But tossing around formal warnings as a precursor to firing someone?
Would you demand a disciplinary write-up if kids cheated on a test, or if a teacher gave out unearned grades, showed favoritism, snapped at a student, covered up a broken window, or had a bad sense of humor that hurt someone’s feelings—even if they didn't realize they'd caused offense?

It happens. We make piles of mistakes every single day, and plenty of them are unacceptable.
But once you realize it, or someone calls you out, you react, you learn, and you try to do better.

Yes, you're allowed to have a bad day and not be "perfectly upbeat" all the time; if you can shake it off, then fine.
Ideally, those moments should be kept to a minimum.

But honestly, how many of us haven't thought, "Stop messing with me, you idiot"? Everyone needs a moment before things escalate into verbalizing that thought.

What she said was blunt, sure. But in my book, that isn't grounds for a termination warning.
It’s actually a good sign that she publicly admitted she screwed up. There's hope there—that she'll learn from it and be more careful next time. She might slip up again; she's a human being, not a robot. A million different things influence how you perceive a situation and how you react.
It takes a lot of practice.

But let's be real: if people weren't willing to show some grace for your mistakes, and if apologies didn't carry any weight, I wonder how long any of us would actually last in our jobs.

Firing should happen when there's a pattern of grievances—when someone refuses to fix the situation and just insists on doing things their own way. That's why management needs to be aware of the context. One bad joke, a student dragging their feet while your clock is ticking, or a kid being a smart-ass can throw anyone off balance and lead to a mistake.
What matters most is what follows the error.

I haven't met a single person who is infallible or hasn't said something inappropriate at some point in their life...

Now, repeating the same errors over and over, or a constant stream of different mistakes stemming from the same core issue, combined with a refusal to improve or a stubborn attitude? Yeah, that's grounds for dismissal.

Verbal aggression is deeply rooted in our culture, and it's incredibly hard to never lash out. Manipulation falls under that umbrella too—verbal abuse. There are about 15 different types of it.
In my opinion, what turns an action into abuse is the reaction afterward and the underlying intent.
If a person realizes how badly they messed up and genuinely tries to make amends, I wouldn't label that as abuse; I’d be ready to say, "Alright, let's move past this."
But if the goal was to make the other person feel small, or if they don't care that the person felt hurt—then yes, that's abuse.

People often don't realize how much stuff qualifies as verbal abuse. Assuming someone is acting with pure malice right out of the gate is a very slippery slope.

There are negative actions that can be repaired and relationships mended, and then there are the ones that are irreparable. For the latter, fire them immediately. For the former, you observe.
Since part of the evaluation depends on how the recipient feels, rushing to terminate someone is pretentious. For instance, someone might take great offense because a teacher says "no" firmly, even after explaining the reasoning fifty times previously. People don't have infinite patience; it's a question of where everyone's limit lies and which day it happens.

We all have that one person who gets under our skin, and we react. Sometimes it's your husband telling you that you went too far because you couldn't see it yourself. It doesn't matter how much education or willpower you have; you aren't a robot. You're driven by emotions—which are often stronger than a paycheck—especially when you don't have massive pressure from above crushing your spirit.
And you want your child to forgive you. That's just human.
Why shouldn't we give others the chance to forgive us, too?

Even a child learns who no longer deserves forgiveness. They feel it. It doesn't need to be a strictly codified tally. Sometimes one mistake is too many, but sometimes we can handle ten if we see genuine progress, effort, and accountability.

I think this conflict was handled reasonably by both sides, and I hope we won't be hearing about it again.
Honestly, a formal written warning feels like total overkill at this stage.

Jesse Fox5 said:What exactly is "scary" about those expressions?????? What I actually saw was scary.
So, her mom is basically catering to her every whim when it comes to food. I mean... she asked for steak and baked potatoes... and her mom actually made it. This little brat sat down, took one bite of a potato, and just pushed the plate away. Nothing. Half an hour later, she’s snacking on ice cream and chugging Coca-Cola. That definitely wouldn't fly at my house. You hungry? No?
Fine then, you can wait until dinner for that meal. No ice cream and none of that nonsense. Just you wait... once she's actually hungry, she'll start respecting the food and the effort someone put into making it.
If she were to, as you put it, totally lose it with me, she'd be sent straight to her room to cool off until she apologized. Even if that takes all day.
And what part of that is supposed to be scary ??? I don't get it.

The apology they just handed out? It’s a complete joke—honestly, it’s nothing more than a slap in the face.

It’s the exact same pattern as those disastrous "peace and harmony" schemes—you know the ones—where everyone pretends nobody is at fault and we all just move on with a chorus of empty platitudes. It's what happens after the kids have already started throwing punches; then the old guard steps in and forces them to shake hands just because that's how things are "supposed" to be done. Such a joke.

Sweeping things under the rug is bad—really, truly bad. It’s one of those habits that seems harmless enough in the moment, but eventually, you just end up tripping over the pile of mess you thought you'd hidden away.

And honestly? I’m perfectly fine with how I handled that when I was just a kid—I flat-out refused. I have zero regrets about standing my ground back then.
Honestly, I realized there was zero point in giving anyone else a second chance—not when they’re just going to stab me in the back five minutes later and then go off to sing their little victory song. So, fine—go ahead and deal with the fallout yourself. You wanted it, you got it.

We really need to figure out a way to teach kids that their words actually carry weight—you know, that they should probably stand by what they say—and that actions come with consequences. It’s one thing to talk a big game, but it's another thing entirely to own up to the mess you've made.
Reconciliation only actually carries weight when there’s a lesson learned—when you finally grasp why that blowout happened in the first place and realize it isn't going to be a recurring theme. Otherwise, an "I promise to do better" is just empty noise—it’s not some mindless celebration of good intentions. An apology only matters when it holds substance—when the child actually understands the gravity of what they're saying.

I actually told my mother recently that she was being a complete jerk for forcing me to apologize in certain situations—insisting I just "look at myself" because apparently, an apology is some kind of moral obligation. Today, she finally admitted she felt bad about it; back then, she just didn't know any other way to handle things. But honestly? Life is what it is—sometimes you just have to do what’s expected.

My own "disobedience and arrogance"—if that’s how they wanted to label it—is exactly what turned me into a spineless follower. There were plenty of attempts to break my spirit along the way, but honestly, the only real punishment I ever actually faced was a beating.
Oh yeah—it’s the one thing that actually kept me sane and kept my head on straight.

There are those rare, pivotal moments—the kind that actually shift the ground beneath your feet—when your parents finally drop the act and say, "Look, I’m only human, I messed up. I'm sorry." It’s in those instances that an apology stops being this vague, abstract concept and actually starts feeling like something real.
And then there was that moment when they actually had the nerve to ask for my forgiveness—not because they were sorry, really, but just to clear the air after the way they punished me. They sat there, trying to play it all calm and collected, attempting to walk me through their "logic." It was this whole rehearsed explanation of what they thought I’d done wrong, why they supposedly "lost control," and why they couldn't find a more civilized way to handle the situation. As if an apology could somehow fix the mess they made.

The exact moment I actually started feeling some genuine respect for my parents was when they finally let their guard down and showed me their vulnerability—realizing that they actually cared about earning my respect rather than just demanding it through fear. It turns out there's a massive difference between building a bond and simply trying to rule by intimidation.

One of those conversations sounded something like this—"Look, we can't control you. You’re always going to make choices that happen entirely outside our radar, even though, honestly, we’d love to be part of your life and have you actually *ask* us for advice once in a while. We're operating under the assumption that you aren't some complete idiot who doesn't realize how much smoking, drinking, or drugs can wreck you, but if you’re hell-bent on trying them, there’s nothing we can do to stop you. Just don't come crawling back expecting us to foot the bill."
Honestly, that was a total "whoa" moment for me.
I wouldn't call it a surrender—not exactly—but it was certainly an admission. A clear, loud-and-proud "we don't own you." And honestly? Hearing that just shifted something in my head. It made me realize—fine, they didn't know any better. Given the sheer amount of chaos and dysfunction they grew up around, where kindness wasn't even a concept, I can't really blame them for reaching for the wrong things sometimes. I’ve reached a point where I can forgive them for not knowing a better way to live, while still respecting the fact that they never tried to force me into a box. Despite all their messiness and flaws, they always made this effort—however clumsy—to let me be myself, to face the consequences of my own actions, and to actually take responsibility for my life.

Look, we’ve had our fair share of crises—plenty of them, actually. Let’s be clear: they aren't robots, and I'm certainly not one either. We all hit those breaking points where things just fall apart. But in my experience, as long as there is a genuine, underlying drive to actually fix what's broken, things eventually get back on track. The distinction is subtle but vital—it's the difference between saying, "I want us to be okay, so I am going to put in the work," versus simply saying, "I want us to be okay because that's what I want." One is an active commitment to repair; the other is just wishful thinking. And frankly, wishful thinking doesn't fix much of anything.

Generally speaking, I’ve felt that exact same mechanism play out firsthand—not to mention watching it unfold with other people's kids—so I know exactly how well it actually works.
Look, let’s get one thing straight—I’m not exactly here to be your best friend. I’m just doing my job. That said, I have zero interest in being treated like some untouchable authority figure, and frankly, I don't mind being wrong. So, please—don't hold back. If I miss the mark, tell me. I can handle it.
The moment I realized I was in the wrong, I just owned it—out loud. I offered to make things right and actually sat there to listen to their suggestions.
Did it work? Well, judging by how they reacted afterward, I’d say yes. By involving them and actually taking their feedback to heart, I found a way to connect that wasn't just defensive. And honestly? I didn't hesitate to say, "Thanks for helping me out." It might have sounded a little cheesy to them, but for me, it felt necessary.

But here’s the thing—it worked because it was real. That’s the truth of it. They could tell I wasn't just performing or faking an apology; I genuinely meant it. And because they felt that sincerity, they gave me the space to actually fix things.

Look, when a parent tries to "manage" their kid instead of being authentic, they’re failing. Period.
It’s like when you say, "I hear you," while you're miles away from actually understanding them. Or when you mutter "sorry" but you don't mean a single word of it.

Kids are people. We tend to forget that sometimes. We can't expect them to take responsibility for their actions if we don't actually give them the room to do so.
Forcing an apology just because it’s the "polite thing to do" isn't teaching responsibility—it’s just training robots. It's creating followers, not individuals.
We all have egos—believe me, I know—but we also need to have some backbone. Don't try to break their spirit; instead, try to understand them and actually teach them.

Are you planning on calling her back?

From what I can tell, most people base their pricing on $5.00/slice, so you decide...

Personally, I’d say $20-$8.25/slice is fair—though that really depends on what you're aiming for. Decorations and skill aren't free... plus, high-end ingredients aren't cheap either...
But regarding yours—if the cake is just whatever is sitting on top right now, like that little fondant bow, and nothing else?
I mean, if that bow is truly the most complicated part of the whole design, it isn't worth even $333, at least not in my book.

-- phone --

I’ve been using that red Target backpack—it was packed to the gills yesterday and incredibly heavy. I just sit it right on the rear rack (not lying flat, mind you, actually sitting upright), loop the straps around the seat post, tie off the excess so it doesn't flap around, and let the bungee cord from the rack hold it steady.

The thing is, once it gets too heavy or overstuffed, it starts acting up—it doesn't sit quite right and tends to tip whenever you hit a bump. The straps start wiggling and catching on the tire (it never snagged when it was lightly packed), so riding it was a bit tricky—maybe adding an extra bungee would make it more stable, I suppose.

But when it's filled normally, it behaves perfectly and hasn't fallen off once; I've ridden through Central Park with it, and even did a quick stretch up Dotki Hill—though it gave me some trouble there because the shifted center of gravity tried to pull me downhill, forcing me to shift it onto my back. I wasn't exactly racing, but we were definitely bouncing over tree roots.

Personally, though, I wouldn't dream of putting a laptop in a setup like that. I just don't see it working—besides, the laptop would likely bounce around way more than my own back or the front of the bike. 🤷
And let's be honest, a laptop is a much more expensive little gadget...

Anyway, what do you think about a carrier like this? You might even be able to squeeze a real laptop bag inside.

Check out the "BUSY BASKET Basket and Carrier."
From what I can tell, it's an American-made product, but I couldn't find any info on its weight capacity.
http://jupiteriana.com/hr/busy_basket
Well, you could always give them a call and ask. 😉