Posts by Eric Gray2

Angela Morgan4 said:There was no abuse, though our environment was certainly working against us.

If we were merely friends—of a casual sort—I could find a way to keep him in my life, perhaps just as someone on the periphery. But under these circumstances, I have nothing.

By "on the edge," I mean suicidal thoughts and planning, though I have never actually attempted to carry them out.

It is possible that multiple issues are at play here, and the breakup simply exacerbated the depression. Regardless, the weight of it is most palpable whenever I think of him.

I attended sessions every two weeks (it wasn't private practice); the psychologist utilized cognitive behavioral therapy, and it provided me with absolutely no relief.

So, I’m guessing that means nobody is technically "to blame" for the breakup—which, honestly, usually makes things even harder to process. Correct me if I’ve got that wrong.

If we were friends (even casual ones), I would have found some way to keep him in my life—you know, just keeping him on the periphery. But this way, there's nothing left.

I get that. Still, I can't help but wonder what kind of friendship that would have actually looked like. It’s incredibly tough to maintain a healthy connection after a split, especially when one person isn't entirely clear about how they're feeling.
To me, it seems like people play various different roles in our lives, and it's often difficult to ask one single person to fill multiple roles—especially when those roles are opposites. Of course, you don't have to see it that way.

On the edge—suicidal thoughts, planning, though I haven't actually tried to act on them yet.

I assume you've discussed this with your therapist. That sounds pretty serious to me. Are you experiencing those thoughts right now?

It might be a combination of several things, and the breakup just added to the depression. I definitely feel it most whenever I think about him.

That’s a very common and understandable reaction. Remembering a loss is rarely pleasant, particularly when you aren't in a great headspace to begin with.

I went every two weeks (not privately), the psychologist used cognitive behavioral therapy, and absolutely nothing helped me.

I'm sorry you had that experience. I wouldn't want to speak without knowing the specifics, but perhaps it was just the wrong approach or the wrong therapist for your needs.

Honestly, reading your post, it feels quite heavy—it sounds like the breakup might have been the catalyst for the depressive symptoms you're describing. I really do think you should keep seeking professional support; maybe even exploring medication (of course, I'll leave that call to the psychiatrists, I'm just mentioning it as an option).

You mentioned feeling like a burden—do you have any support systems around you? Family, friends? How are they reacting to everything?

Angela Morgan4 said:The specifics of the relationship are irrelevant. What matters is that it was emotionally intense, we fought against external pressures, and everything fell apart eighteen months ago. I am still struggling; I spiraled into a depression that hasn't let up to this day. The emotions remain overwhelming. I try to move forward, and I manage to find some calm for a few days, but then the weight returns and I end up in tears again. There is absolutely no chance of reconciliation, nor is even a friendship possible. I have frequently found myself at the edge of suicide. I feel incompetent, like a burden to everyone around me, and far too different to ever truly fit into this world.
What should I do? I’ve seen psychologists, but nothing has helped.

Was there anything else happening around the time you broke up that might have "amplified" this depression? You mentioned those external factors and how emotionally heavy the relationship was—was there any kind of abuse involved?

There's just no way to fix it, and even being friends isn't an option.

That's usually how it goes, 🤷 but what is it that you actually want? If things *could* be fixed, what would that look like to you?

I've been on the edge of suicide so many times.

What do you mean by "on the edge"? Did you experience suicidal ideation? A specific plan? Did you actually attempt to hurt yourself?

I feel incompetent, like I'm just a burden to everyone, and too different to ever truly fit into this world.

When you read that back, doesn't it feel like the breakup was more of a trigger than the actual root cause? It sounds like what you're dealing with is something much deeper than just the standard heartbreak most people go through after a split.

I went to see a psychologist, but nothing helped.

Could you clarify what that looked like? How did you go about it—how often, and what were you hoping to achieve? What kind of specialist was it? Were you looking for diagnostic testing, ongoing therapy...? And in what sense do you feel they didn't help?

OP, could you please look into whether there are any counseling centers near you that specialize in kids? I’m looking for a child—or maybe even a school—psychologist, someone who can sit down and really talk things through with your oldest. It isn't that he's naturally an aggressive kid—it’s just that he’s struggling, and honestly, he doesn't have any other way to express that pain yet. Every child deserves a stable, safe environment where they aren't constantly witnessing insults, humiliation, or fighting. Kids learn by what they experience; if his daily reality is seeing conflicts settled through yelling and shouting matches, he won't know any better—not to mention all that frustration building up inside him that he eventually has to "vent" somewhere, which leads to these outbursts. Your son needs to hear that he matters to you, and that his behavior actually hurts you and worries you. The last thing he needs right now is more strictness, spanking, or harsh punishments—that’s just going to trigger more rebellion and make everything so much harder in the long run.

I honestly can't believe what I'm reading 🤷
"Just ignore the abuse and focus on being more disciplined with an abused child."
I just can't deal with this. Good luck to the authors, you're going to need it.

Lawrence Allen49, first off—she specifically said they’ve been married for eight years, so where are you getting this idea about them being together for ten?
Second, we aren't talking about gossip here; we're talking about abuse.
Third, staying in a toxic marriage can be just as damaging to kids as getting a divorce actually is.
Fourth, if she doesn't protect her child from emotional abuse—which includes witnessing domestic violence, and keep in mind, that violence can be purely verbal—then she’s just as responsible as the abuser.

Look, without wanting to offend anyone, I honestly don't care how people choose to live their lives or whether she decides to endure this forever—that's her call—but she does have an obligation to spare her children from it. A kid isn't acting out because they're "bad" (so there's no need for stricter discipline), it's more likely that they're just confused, terrified, and completely overwhelmed by the chaos at home, and they simply don't know any other way to let those emotions out.

Lawrence Allen49 said:32... yeah, we're basically the same age.😉 And thanks—glad to hear you feel that way.🙂

Just don't exhaust yourself trying to please everyone (especially your husband and mother-in-law). Focus on yourself. Be your own priority. Let them bark all they want; it doesn't matter.

If you show your husband and his mom that their opinions don't even register with you—including all that stuff they say behind your back—you'll finally become your own best friend. That’s what matters. Once you nail that, nothing will phase you anymore. Not even leaving if things get bad. Just focus on finding your strength.🙂

Eventually, those two will probably realize how stupid they were to talk trash about you. Anyway... never, ever look back at the gossip, now or later. If they want to bark, let 'em. They aren't worth the energy.😁

But how exactly is she supposed to empower herself in a situation like this? Do you honestly think she can just wave a hand and dismiss them while her child is standing right there, watching his father subject his mother to domestic violence? How do you expect that kid to grow up with a healthy sense of self, or learn how to treat future partners, when he’s witnessing this kind of toxic dynamic from day one and absorbing these patterns?

Gerald Harris21 said:Hey there, my dear friends! It’s been a little while since I’ve popped onto the forum, so first off, I just wanted to send everyone a huge, warm hello. I’m reaching out today because I really need to vent and share some of the pain I've been carrying, and I’m crossing my fingers that maybe some of you might have some helpful advice for me... So, here’s the situation. I’ve been married for eight years now, and we have three little ones. When we first got married, my mother-in-law was actually living under our roof with us. After a few years, I finally managed to convince her to move into her own place, though it was a real struggle to make that happen. But if you think that was bad, things took an even darker turn last year when my husband decided to move into the basement level of our house. Honestly, ever since we lived together, he’s never been satisfied with anything—he finds a flaw in absolutely everything. He’s been verbally abusive and incredibly belittling toward me, and it gets even worse because he’s said such horrible, nasty things right in front of the kids. It’s been nothing short of a living nightmare. 😠 As for being a father? He barely spends any quality time with them at all. He never takes them to a soccer game or to an arcade or anything fun like that. The only time he ever really takes them out is for maybe thirty minutes to run into a betting shop or a coffee house, which drives me absolutely crazy. I can somehow find the strength to push through the heartache he causes me, but lately, I’ve noticed this massive surge of disobedience and aggressive behavior from my son, who’s turning eight in just a few months. I am at a total loss. What am I supposed to do? With three kids, the entire weight of parenting falls squarely on my shoulders. I am completely exhausted from running around all day, cleaning up after everyone, and then having to deal with the constant fighting and the aggression my oldest son shows toward his younger brothers. The stress has become so physical that I’ve ended up with three ulcers in my stomach, and honestly, I’m starting to get a little scared for my own health. I wish I could just cry all this pain away; I think it would make things feel a little lighter. Please, if you have any suggestions or advice, I am begging you—I feel like I’m losing my mind. 🙂

You know what this is called? Psychological abuse. Why on earth would you let your kids witness this? It leaves scars—real ones—that stay with them forever.

Honestly, I just find a way to push through all the pain he puts me through—I somehow manage to endure it.

Why bother? Honestly, what is there to gain from that kind of suffering—aside from stomach ulcers and kids who grow up with behavioral issues?

Lately, I’ve been noticing this massive surge in defiance and aggressive behavior from my son—he’s actually turning eight in just a few months.

Unfortunately, this is exactly what you'd expect to see from a child who’s been witnessing domestic violence.

Is there actually a place where you can just go to get away from everything—a place where you can truly step back and leave it all behind?
I don't mean to come off as harsh—really, I don't—but I just don't see any way this situation can be fixed.
Being a good parent really comes down to one fundamental thing—you have to get your kids away from abusers. It’s that simple, even if it's incredibly difficult to actually do.

Shit is always going to be shit—that’s just how the world works—but my point is that we don't need to go throwing ourselves at it every single time.

You could look at this as constructive criticism or just straight-up an insult. Saying "you're lazy" is an insult—plain and simple. But saying "I think you could achieve way more if you really put in the effort" is constructive feedback. It’s essentially the same core message, just a massive difference in how you deliver it. Honestly, why would anyone prefer being insulted over being given actual guidance?

Dennis Adams said:Man, I am totally with you on this. I could never bring myself to trash talk someone in front of a crowd just to look like some big shot. If I've got something to say to someone, it’s a one-on-one thing. And yeah, like you said, you shouldn't go sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. It weirds me out how people claim they want the truth, but then they get all offended the second you actually give it to them.

Look, I think people genuinely do want the truth, it’s just that the way you package that truth matters more than they care to admit.🙂

Honesty is a virtue. In a broad, general sense, at least. When you're dealing with honest people, you know exactly where you stand—there’s no deception or sugarcoating involved. At least, that’s how most people see it.

But...

Personally, I’ve always felt that you don't necessarily need to say everything that comes to mind directly to everyone's face. There is a time and a place for things, and there's a way to handle them. There is also the option of just staying silent if being "honest" isn't actually going to accomplish anything positive—especially if nobody even asked for our opinion in the first place.
I truly value it when people are upfront with me; I really do. But beating a dead horse or pointing out the obvious isn't being honest—in my book, it's just being tactless.

This week was honestly just a lot to handle 🙂

granitefalcon10 really put me through the wringer; that bit of "comic relief" at the end wasn't funny in the slightest—it was actually pretty unsettling and bleak. It leaves you with this heavy, sinking feeling in your chest, and it perfectly captures how dark things can get when people start keeping secrets... seriously, props to her, she’s a master at this 👍

says:
Look, maybe I’m wrong on this one, BUT... what kind of protocol are we even talking about here? You have a patient list, a medication list, some little cups—you just hand them out. I honestly don't see what part of that is complicated. You just need thirty minutes of peace and focus, and you're done. They aren't the ones prescribing the meds; they just have to distribute them. If I’m missing something, please, someone tell me.

Also, we aren't talking about holding hands and crying with the patients here—in fact, they actually *need* to maintain professional distance. We're talking about simply doing the job. If your job description includes maintaining hygiene for a non-mobile patient, then I don't know what excuse you can possibly make when they find someone covered in feces—which means it didn't just happen two seconds ago.

There is a massive difference between keeping a professional distance and just failing to do your job properly.

That was just an example I used. Yes, you need concentration. You need intense, absolute concentration when, say, you've got a whole ward of patients hooked up to dialysis machines. You're checking on one person, then another goes into shock, then an alarm starts blaring, and some light starts flashing... And for all those emergency situations—which happen constantly on a ward like that—there needs to be a specific protocol to follow.
Not all jobs are created equal, and people aren't all the same.

As for getting the work done, I already mentioned that "distance" doesn't mean leaving someone to sit in their own waste, and there should be proper oversight and institutions in place to handle that.

Personally, I've dealt with plenty of nurses in my time, and I can't say I've run into any horror stories. I guess I just got lucky.

It’s because employers care way more about whether you're married or if you have plans to start a family than almost anything else 🤷

It isn't just about the RNs, either—you've got LPNs working the floor too.

Nursing comes with a massive amount of responsibility—I mean, just think about the protocols involved in medication administration. You have to ensure the right patient, the right time, the right dose, the right drug, and the right route of administration. And that’s true for every single patient on the list. Honestly, that's just one small slice of what they're actually accountable for.

There really should be formal mechanisms in place so people can report unprofessional behavior to the proper medical boards. But at the same time, I truly believe that after working in this field for a few years, you have to learn how to stop crying over every single patient and develop some actual distance. That doesn't mean, of course, that you just let someone suffer for half a day, but it is physically impossible to get emotionally sucked into everyone's life story and feel deep empathy for every soul you encounter. If you try, you'll burn out before you know it.

bluebear5 said:So, I'm in 7th grade—and honestly, I’m a pretty good kid and a solid student... But—whenever it comes down to telling my parents the truth, whether it's about a grade or just something else—I just freeze up. I can't bring myself to say it. I don't know why, but I get this massive fear that they'll be furious or even kick me out of the house—even though I know deep down they wouldn't actually do that. Does anyone have any advice on how to find some courage so I can finally start being honest without panicking?

What actually happens when you do tell your parents an uncomfortable truth? Like, what do you think is the absolute worst-case scenario that could realistically play out? And how do your parents usually react when you guys are just talking normally?

If you check out any banned users, you'll notice the "Contact Information" card isn't even offered 🤷

fadedbear92 said:Your dreams aren't necessarily linked to your medication—or maybe they are, who knows—but honestly? You’d probably get more out of it if you just started keeping a dream journal and brought those notes to your therapist to pick apart. It’s really just your subconscious trying to process all those bottled-up emotions.

I wouldn't exactly say they aren't connected.

Jamie Adams3 said:I’m not sure if this topic already exists on the forum—I did a quick search but didn't see anything (maybe I just missed it).
I wanted to know if anyone else here takes medication—for depression, anxiety, panic attacks, whatever—and if you deal with nightmares because of them.
This is coming from direct experience. For a few weeks now, I’ve been on three different types of meds for depression, calming down, and managing anxiety and panic attacks. I'm taking the mildest stuff possible—just half a pill in the morning for two kinds and half a pill at night for the third—but the nightmares are absolutely horrific. They are so disgusting, honestly, I can't even describe them properly.
For example, last night I dreamed an entire country was completely flooded and sharks were eating people... intestines were floating everywhere... some people who were still barely alive were pulling at me, begging for help... while I'm just swimming through this bloody water... it was unreal.🙄😢
These gruesome dreams follow me night after night. It's making me wonder if these pills are actually the cause. I'd love to hear what your experiences have been.

I don't have personal experience with this, but I remember attending a lecture by a psychiatrist who specializes in sleep disorders and related phenomena. He mentioned that certain tricyclic antidepressants suppress the REM phase of sleep (the part where we dream), but only up to a point—eventualy, all that suppressed REM has to make up for lost time, so the person ends up spending a huge chunk of their sleep in that specific phase. (On the other hand, some antidepressants, like Remeron, actually extend the REM phase.) His explanation was that since we spend more time in REM, there's a much higher chance of waking up during it, which means you're more likely to remember your dreams—and since you're dreaming so much, those dreams often turn into nightmares.
I can't say for sure how much scientific weight his explanation carries, I'm just passing along what I learned.
But yeah, nightmares are a pretty common side effect of antidepressants.
Definitely talk it over with your doctor.

Here is a helpful link:

Ryan Wood98 said:Do you think it’s actually possible to experience suicidal ideation without it being a symptom of an illness?

In other words, if someone is feeling suicidal, does that automatically mean they aren't capable of healthy resonance? It seems to me like that might be the prevailing view in American society.

No. Like I mentioned before, there are people who—with full consciousness and what most would call a "sound mind"—choose to end their lives because they are facing a terminal diagnosis. They’ve come to terms with the inevitable and simply want to stop relying on machines to handle their vital functions.

@hipersenzibilna, just like I pointed out in that other thread—if you don't want to help and you don't know how, I really don't think it's your place (especially as a layperson) to encourage suicide. If listening to a friend's venting is truly that exhausting for you, then you don't have to do it—it's your right to walk away from people like that. It's no different than choosing not to read posts from people struggling with various issues here on the forum.
There are plenty of people for whom a suicide attempt is actually a cry for help or even a way to seek attention, but those situations need to be handled differently—not by telling someone to "just kill yourself."