Posts by crimsoncanyon2

Hey 🙂
I’m trying to figure out how someone—whether it's in my own posts or someone else's—could possibly be changing letters, messing with wording, or intentionally adding typos and grammar mistakes??

Look, I’m a total perfectionist about this stuff—it’s borderline obsessive. I’ll re-read and edit a post multiple times both before and after hitting send. So, it honestly blows my mind when a three-sentence paragraph that I just double-checked suddenly morphs from "I am going" to "I is going" or "voluntary" to "voluntarily"... just out of nowhere.
Who exactly could be doing this?
One woman told me that a moderator on certain forums can actually write posts *for* you, let alone just tweak a few letters, while another lady claimed someone is actually using remote desktop software to control my computer..

What’s the actual, most likely explanation here?
I’ve been noticing this for a long, long time—not just since yesterday—but I’m genuinely losing my mind wondering what's going on.
Thanks for any insight 🙂

The exact same logic should apply here.

ironrider11 said:That whole "blood is thicker than water" thing is total garbage. A father hitting his little girl, or a junkie mother forcing her kid into prostitution just for some quick cash... what does that have to do with family loyalty? Sure, maybe I'm being extreme, but it's easier that way. People use "gray areas" as a buffer to soften the truth. It's either black or white. Small deviations are fine, nobody's perfect... but living your entire life in a gray zone? Using "but" is just a way to manipulate the facts. If you've already found a way to escape the psychological torture—even if it's not clear how exactly she was abusing you—then that's likely the core issue. Why should you feel obligated to wreck your own life for someone who dragged you down and threw you to the bottom? How they treated you defines how you treat them... or it doesn't. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your own peace or your life out of some sense of duty or empathy toward someone like that, regardless of who they are.

Just because someone happens to be your mother doesn't automatically make them a good parent—or even someone who actually wanted to step up for you.
And honestly? Just because a parent puts food on the table doesn't mean they're doing it out of pure love; half the time, they're just following a sense of civic duty or trying to live up to whatever moral standards society expects from them.

Austin Garcia3 said:So, I’m dealing with some heavy stuff involving my mom—she’s been physically and emotionally abusive toward me my entire life.
We don't live together, and I still make visits every now and then. I’ve finally managed to reach this super fragile kind of balance where I just dodge any serious topics to keep the peace, but we still have a relationship. The real issue is that the fighting between her and my stepfather has escalated into physical violence. Honestly, she’s usually the one instigating it more than he is, but since he’s physically stronger, he ends up being the one blamed for everything.
The other day, she sent me a photo of her forehead—there was this huge injury covering half her face that could only have come from a direct hit. Then, she claimed it was just a "rash"?! But right after that, she sends another message showing a massive bruise on her arm. It’s pretty obvious she’s crying out for help, even if she won't say it directly.
I’ve thought about asking her to come stay with me for a bit, but I know that would just open the door for her to abuse me again—and let's be real, she wouldn't even be grateful. She’d probably just take her frustrations out on me. I really don't feel like she deserves me to sacrifice myself like that. I’m in a really vulnerable spot right now with a ton of responsibilities, and I know she’d mentally drain me to the point where I'd lose focus on my work. I’ve already missed out on way too many opportunities because of her outbursts, which always leave me spiraling into depression for months at a time.
Still, I can't shake this feeling that I'm a bad person if I don't step in. I'm even terrified that something might happen to her—like, maybe an accident, like she trips down the stairs.
I'm open to any thoughts or advice you guys might have.

It really depends on how old they are.
If they're physically helpless and elderly—someone at high risk of becoming a victim because they have zero options,
then maybe.
But if we're talking about someone choosing their own life circumstances, like in your situation, I have to be honest: I wouldn't care.
Actually, there might be a tiny, dark corner of my brain thinking, "You get exactly what you deserve. Serves you right 🙂 🙂,"
because in a way, it feels like cosmic justice.

Look, I'm just a human being—not an angel.😁

Austin Garcia3 said:So, I’m dealing with some heavy stuff involving my mom—she’s been physically and emotionally abusive toward me my entire life.
We don't live together, and I still make visits every now and then. I’ve finally managed to reach this super fragile kind of balance where I just dodge any serious topics to keep the peace, but we still have a relationship. The real issue is that the fighting between her and my stepfather has escalated into physical violence. Honestly, she’s usually the one instigating it more than he is, but since he’s physically stronger, he ends up being the one blamed for everything.
The other day, she sent me a photo of her forehead—there was this huge injury covering half her face that could only have come from a direct hit. Then, she claimed it was just a "rash"?! But right after that, she sends another message showing a massive bruise on her arm. It’s pretty obvious she’s crying out for help, even if she won't say it directly.
I’ve thought about asking her to come stay with me for a bit, but I know that would just open the door for her to abuse me again—and let's be real, she wouldn't even be grateful. She’d probably just take her frustrations out on me. I really don't feel like she deserves me to sacrifice myself like that. I’m in a really vulnerable spot right now with a ton of responsibilities, and I know she’d mentally drain me to the point where I'd lose focus on my work. I’ve already missed out on way too many opportunities because of her outbursts, which always leave me spiraling into depression for months at a time.
Still, I can't shake this feeling that I'm a bad person if I don't step in. I'm even terrified that something might happen to her—like, maybe an accident, like she trips down the stairs.
I'm open to any thoughts or advice you guys might have.

And what are you, by any chance—a GP, a cop, a lawyer, a coordinator for a Women's House, Child Protective Services, or Catholic Charities? 🤔

Austin Garcia3 said:So, I’m dealing with some heavy stuff involving my mom—she’s been physically and emotionally abusive toward me my entire life.
We don't live together, and I still make visits every now and then. I’ve finally managed to reach this super fragile kind of balance where I just dodge any serious topics to keep the peace, but we still have a relationship. The real issue is that the fighting between her and my stepfather has escalated into physical violence. Honestly, she’s usually the one instigating it more than he is, but since he’s physically stronger, he ends up being the one blamed for everything.
The other day, she sent me a photo of her forehead—there was this huge injury covering half her face that could only have come from a direct hit. Then, she claimed it was just a "rash"?! But right after that, she sends another message showing a massive bruise on her arm. It’s pretty obvious she’s crying out for help, even if she won't say it directly.
I’ve thought about asking her to come stay with me for a bit, but I know that would just open the door for her to abuse me again—and let's be real, she wouldn't even be grateful. She’d probably just take her frustrations out on me. I really don't feel like she deserves me to sacrifice myself like that. I’m in a really vulnerable spot right now with a ton of responsibilities, and I know she’d mentally drain me to the point where I'd lose focus on my work. I’ve already missed out on way too many opportunities because of her outbursts, which always leave me spiraling into depression for months at a time.
Still, I can't shake this feeling that I'm a bad person if I don't step in. I'm even terrified that something might happen to her—like, maybe an accident, like she trips down the stairs.
I'm open to any thoughts or advice you guys might have.

There was a guy in my neighborhood who beat a woman; she went to her family doctor with obvious injuries, all the authorities were called, and he just got six months probation since it was his first offense.
Your mother clearly isn't some frail, tiny old lady with a cane; she's probably just a manipulator who can be handled with a few pointed questions.
Besides, you didn't pick her partner for her, nor did you force him on her, so what does any of this actually have to do with you 🤷?
Unless you happen to be one of those professionals I mentioned earlier—you definitely aren't a local registrar or anything.

Just point her toward the right resources and wash your hands of the whole thing.

Austin Garcia3 said:So, I’m dealing with some heavy stuff involving my mom—she’s been physically and emotionally abusive toward me my entire life.
We don't live together, and I still make visits every now and then. I’ve finally managed to reach this super fragile kind of balance where I just dodge any serious topics to keep the peace, but we still have a relationship. The real issue is that the fighting between her and my stepfather has escalated into physical violence. Honestly, she’s usually the one instigating it more than he is, but since he’s physically stronger, he ends up being the one blamed for everything.
The other day, she sent me a photo of her forehead—there was this huge injury covering half her face that could only have come from a direct hit. Then, she claimed it was just a "rash"?! But right after that, she sends another message showing a massive bruise on her arm. It’s pretty obvious she’s crying out for help, even if she won't say it directly.
I’ve thought about asking her to come stay with me for a bit, but I know that would just open the door for her to abuse me again—and let's be real, she wouldn't even be grateful. She’d probably just take her frustrations out on me. I really don't feel like she deserves me to sacrifice myself like that. I’m in a really vulnerable spot right now with a ton of responsibilities, and I know she’d mentally drain me to the point where I'd lose focus on my work. I’ve already missed out on way too many opportunities because of her outbursts, which always leave me spiraling into depression for months at a time.
Still, I can't shake this feeling that I'm a bad person if I don't step in. I'm even terrified that something might happen to her—like, maybe an accident, like she trips down the stairs.
I'm open to any thoughts or advice you guys might have.

Maybe she mentioned getting hit with a ruler just to bait you into coming over, so she can eventually drag him along too.🤣

You know the saying: helping someone who acts like a victim usually ends up being your own undoing and embarrassment.🤣

Helping your mom wouldn't actually help her, because frankly, she lacks the basic character traits that make someone worth supporting—like, say, not putting themselves at risk just to play the martyr for someone who might actually deserve the chaos they're receiving, or worse, someone who might turn that chaos onto others. Sorry, but no thanks.
Normal people ask for help from those they've actually treated well, not from the people they've spent their lives hurting or manipulating.

Jonathan Howard said:Exactly.

@Austin Garcia3; if you let her manipulate you now, you’re basically signing up to be her emotional punching bag for the rest of her life. I know that guilt is eating you alive—believe me, I get it—but
read this slowly
there is a massive gap between the person who spends their whole life being a doormat, constantly catering to everyone else (mom, spouse, kids, friends) only to end up miserable, lonely, and unappreciated
and
the person who respects themselves enough to act in their own best interest, while still being capable of giving plenty, but knowing exactly when to say no
the difference is that a healthy, successful adult doesn't take any crap.

Your mother is still playing you, and she always will, by pulling the sympathy card. She didn't just sit you down and say, "Look, we haven't seen eye to eye for years, but I really need your help." Instead, she's showing you bruises through subtext and acting helpless, waiting for you to jump in because that's the pattern she's used to. And once you try to break that cycle by offering help on your own terms, people like that will turn it around on you. They'll play the martyr, saying stuff like, "Oh no, don't worry about me, just take care of yourself," making everyone feel sorry for them while they continue to walk all over you.

She probably isn't even aware she's a bad parent or how much her behavior impacts you. Honestly, she likely never will be. Don't waste your energy trying to connect or explain things to her—that's a dead end. If you keep trying, you'll just spiral into depressions that no one else can pull you out of.
Just because she doesn't realize what she's doing doesn't give you permission to remain her servant, even if she is your parent. In fact, that's exactly why you have to set the boundary.

You need to get your head straight. If something happens to her, you aren't obligated to hover over her constantly, especially since she isn't disabled. Your mother is responsible for her own life, regardless of what happens. You aren't. She'll try to manipulate you into feeling like you are, and your social circle might even side with her before anyone stands up for you. Regardless, you are responsible for your own life, and you have to fight for yourself—whether it's against your mother, your spouse, your kids, or your friends.
Protect yourself. It's your fundamental right, even if everyone tries to convince you otherwise.

I don't know where she lives or how much protection the local system provides (usually not much), but there are shelters, counselors, the police, and social services. Try to solve the issue through those channels instead. The most important thing is to stay firm and clear about your boundaries so she knows she isn't getting anything from you anymore.

Exactly.
People on the outside can't objectively see the dynamic between your mother and you. From their perspective, she's the saint and you're the villain because you refuse to indulge her manipulations by "helping" her bruised arm. You need to do what's right and stop looking for external validation. Doing the right thing and being fair should always carry more weight than emotional manipulation.

"Quote:"

Jonathan Howard said:Exactly.

@Austin Garcia3; if you let her manipulate you now, you’re basically signing up to be her emotional punching bag for the rest of her life. I know that guilt is eating you alive—believe me, I get it—but
read this slowly
there is a massive gap between the person who spends their whole life being a doormat, constantly catering to everyone else (mom, spouse, kids, friends) only to end up miserable, lonely, and unappreciated
and
the person who respects themselves enough to act in their own best interest, while still being capable of giving plenty, but knowing exactly when to say no
the difference is that a healthy, successful adult doesn't take any crap.

Your mother is still playing you, and she always will, by pulling the sympathy card. She didn't just sit you down and say, "Look, we haven't seen eye to eye for years, but I really need your help." Instead, she's showing you bruises through subtext and acting helpless, waiting for you to jump in because that's the pattern she's used to. And once you try to break that cycle by offering help on your own terms, people like that will turn it around on you. They'll play the martyr, saying stuff like, "Oh no, don't worry about me, just take care of yourself," making everyone feel sorry for them while they continue to walk all over you.

She probably isn't even aware she's a bad parent or how much her behavior impacts you. Honestly, she likely never will be. Don't waste your energy trying to connect or explain things to her—that's a dead end. If you keep trying, you'll just spiral into depressions that no one else can pull you out of.
Just because she doesn't realize what she's doing doesn't give you permission to remain her servant, even if she is your parent. In fact, that's exactly why you have to set the boundary.

You need to get your head straight. If something happens to her, you aren't obligated to hover over her constantly, especially since she isn't disabled. Your mother is responsible for her own life, regardless of what happens. You aren't. She'll try to manipulate you into feeling like you are, and your social circle might even side with her before anyone stands up for you. Regardless, you are responsible for your own life, and you have to fight for yourself—whether it's against your mother, your spouse, your kids, or your friends.
Protect yourself. It's your fundamental right, even if everyone tries to convince you otherwise.

I don't know where she lives or how much protection the local system provides (usually not much), but there are shelters, counselors, the police, and social services. Try to solve the issue through those channels instead. The most important thing is to stay firm and clear about your boundaries so she knows she isn't getting anything from you anymore.

Sometimes, the most effective way to actually be helpful is to stop spinning your wheels and direct all that energy toward the people who truly have the power to make a difference.
"Quote:"

Jonathan Ramirez5 said:Look, I’m sorry, but playing the "what if" game with all those different scenarios is just going to make this whole mess even more chaotic than it already is.
The only real advice I can give you is to be brutally honest with yourself about what you actually have the capacity for right now.
There are plenty of institutions and nonprofits out there where you can provide support without getting your hands dirty or getting sucked into the drama—you can still satisfy that urge to take action without making it personal. It takes effort, sure, and whether you can swing that effort right now is up to you; getting emotionally entangled won't change the reality of your situation one bit. If you're feeling sympathy, try channeling it into actual movement instead of just feeling bad. That way, you avoid being manipulated. As for whether your mother will ever truly get it, given her tendency toward emotional venting (if I'm reading the situation right), that's her issue, not yours. It doesn't change the dilemma you're facing.

If her mother actually wanted results—I mean real, concrete solutions to this problem instead of just playing these transparent little manipulation games—she’d stop stalling and go straight to the authorities or contact an official agency herself.
Look, we're living in the 21st century—people have televisions now. It’s not like we’re all intellectually stunted or still living in caves.
Manipulation—honestly, even if you just catch a faint whiff of it, you have to shut it down immediately. No hesitation, no playing nice. Just shut it down.

"Quote:"

Jonathan Howard said:Saying something like that to someone dealing with something as heavy as guilt over a parent is honestly bottom-of-the-barrel behavior.👎

Look, I’m just being straight with you. And honestly? I couldn't live with myself if I didn't act on what's clearly right—the stuff that serves the greater good—instead of doing what's wrong, especially when it ends up hurting even a single person.
That isn't even a definition of DNA—it’s just a reflection of someone's own common sense and intelligence.

By cold-bloodedly directing her mother toward the right authorities, you're essentially creating this atmosphere that benefits everyone—well, everyone except for this little stepson. But honestly? His loss and the damage he’s causing just cancel each other out in the end. It all nets out to zero. In short: everybody wins, and he just ends up being a non-factor.
So, here’s the thing—if she makes decisions based on nothing but faulty emotions, potentially leading to her mother moving in, she’s basically just handing herself over to be mistreated. Meanwhile, the mother ends up with nothing but a terrible experience, and the actual troublemaker? They walk away completely scot-free. It's a total lose-lose situation where the wrong person gets off easy.

What a joke—all this pathetic emotional posturing and fake guilt!
Look, it’s simple math—right is right, and wrong is wrong. If something is incorrect and useless, then it’s just plain wrong. There’s absolutely no reason to waste time debating it, acting on it, or giving it a single second of thought. Period. ☕
----------------------------------------------------
To me, this whole situation feels like some godforsaken backwater town out in the middle of nowhere—the kind of place where former foster caregivers would chase kids around a farmyard with pitchforks and garden tools.
Even a kid standing on the sidelines watching this unfold needs to step back and ask if it’s actually worth it—is it even sane—to try and save the weaker of the two? If you jump in to protect the underdog just so the stronger one wins, you’re basically handing yourself a front-row seat to a disaster. You're just setting yourself up to get blindsided later when that "weaker" individual—who’s still mentally more volatile than you are—decides to come after you with a pitchfork or a sledgehammer. It's a losing game.
I mean, seriously, is there anyone left with a shred of common sense who would actually sit there and judge people based on their feelings? And I’m using the word NORMAL very intentionally here.

John Phillips5 said:🙂 I really need some help here because I feel like I’m losing my mind. I honestly don't know what is happening to me lately. Here is the situation: I cannot fall asleep at night to save my life. The only way I actually get any rest is during the day, once the sun is up or sometime in the afternoon. I can pull double shifts at work—twelve-hour days or longer—and even when I am absolutely exhausted, I just can't drift off until maybe 3:00 AM. And even then, if I do manage to catch a nap, it lasts maybe thirty minutes before I snap awake and that's it for the night. It sounds silly, but there is this intense pressure in my forehead that just won't let me sleep; it forces me to stay active. My whole body feels flooded with this crazy surge of adrenaline, so I have to keep moving just to cope—tossing from side to side, kicking my legs, fidgeting with something. It makes sleeping impossible, even though I am bone-tired. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm just going to burst into tears; I genuinely feel like I'm going crazy. I'm 19 years old and this has been happening for the last month. Hey everyone, if anyone has any ideas on how to fix this, I would be incredibly grateful.

Oh man, I know that feeling all too well. I went through the exact same thing when I was pushing myself way too hard during those overnight shifts at work—you know, where you're forced to stay wide awake and hyper-focused. It was like that frantic, high-stress energy just crawled under my skin and stayed there. Even once I finally got home, where I was supposed to just chill out in bed, relax in front of the TV, and enjoy the comforts of home... it wouldn't stop.
It’s like this dictatorial kind of self-control, constantly screaming, "Come on, get it together, you can't fall asleep, stay alert, stay sharp 😠 🙂," while on the flip side, you're actually dying of pure exhaustion 🙏 🙂. It's like that drive to stay "on" partially suppresses the tiredness, but only up to the point where it creates this constant internal conflict—which just leads to total frustration and irritability 🙂, which you then aren't even allowed to express. Honestly, it's just exhausting..

John Phillips5 said:🙂 I really need some help here because I feel like I’m losing my mind. I honestly don't know what is happening to me lately. Here is the situation: I cannot fall asleep at night to save my life. The only way I actually get any rest is during the day, once the sun is up or sometime in the afternoon. I can pull double shifts at work—twelve-hour days or longer—and even when I am absolutely exhausted, I just can't drift off until maybe 3:00 AM. And even then, if I do manage to catch a nap, it lasts maybe thirty minutes before I snap awake and that's it for the night. It sounds silly, but there is this intense pressure in my forehead that just won't let me sleep; it forces me to stay active. My whole body feels flooded with this crazy surge of adrenaline, so I have to keep moving just to cope—tossing from side to side, kicking my legs, fidgeting with something. It makes sleeping impossible, even though I am bone-tired. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm just going to burst into tears; I genuinely feel like I'm going crazy. I'm 19 years old and this has been happening for the last month. Hey everyone, if anyone has any ideas on how to fix this, I would be incredibly grateful.

Why are you working two 12-hour shifts back-to-back? Are you working nights?
If you're doing two 12-hour day shifts, you should be crashing like a baby once you get home and waking up normally in the morning.
But if you're pulling two consecutive 12-hour night shifts, then it makes total sense that after that second night, you pass out like a light from pure exhaustion—and then you can't sleep that third night. Your brain and body have basically locked into a rhythm where they expect the third night to be another night shift. If that doesn't happen, it’s perfectly normal to be pacing around the house until the early morning hours, which isn't even a huge problem unless you're expected to show up for a day shift the next morning.

Recent studies are pointing toward the occipital and Neck Muscles as the real culprits behind that nagging pain you feel when moving your eyes and head. From birth through adolescence, we all instinctively turn our heads to follow whatever we’re looking at. But as we get older, that habit starts to fade. Even though the head stays still, the brain is still firing those signals to the muscles, which creates this constant tension—and that's where the pain kicks in.

Stress and mental pressure just make everything worse. And let's not forget physical strain—carrying heavy loads on your back can trigger massive aches. It turns out the muscles between your vertebrae are particularly sensitive to psychological stress.

Experts are also suggesting that sitting for long stretches is a major factor, causing pain not just in the lower back, but right up in the Neck Muscles area too.

You really shouldn't ignore these pains—especially if they start "radiating" down your arms or if you feel any tingling sensations. In those cases, you definitely need to go see an orthopedic specialist.

-Taken from WebMD -

Theoretically speaking, suppressing natural muscle movement is what leads to pain. And it isn't just limited to the neck or the base of the skull—it could be your arms, legs, or anywhere else. Overexertion, or even having too much self-control, builds up physical tension in the body, the skull, and so on.
I'm no expert, but maybe this helps.

goldenmarlin64 said:It’s pretty obvious. I just tend to approach problems by trying to understand the other side first—if that doesn't work, then it doesn't work. Throughout this entire argument, I didn't get a single shred of empathy from her, especially since I was being vulnerable about some personal struggles. All I got were comments like "you should have handled your life differently" and "this is entirely your own fault."

If an acquaintance had actually responded to what I told them the way I would have, it would have shut down her entire aggressive, insulting approach immediately. She could have just asked how I was doing, listened, and realized that my perspective isn't just some random whim—it's based on what I expect from relationships based on all my other friendships.

Honestly, I talk to people I don't even know in real life—people I've met on internet forums whose stories I've read and seen they're struggling. Every few days, I reach out to check on them because they're dealing with depression; I listen to their problems and try to help. That doesn't make me a saint; to me, it's just basic human decency.

On the flip side, she twisted everything to make me look threatening or dishonest just because I didn't share every single detail with her. This was someone I mostly communicated with via text and only saw when she didn't have anything better planned; I always felt secondary, like she didn't really see me as a person, which is exactly why I didn't feel brave enough to open up about the deep stuff. I never felt like she was actually listening. But the trivial things she's obsessing over—claiming I was keeping secrets—are nonsense. She was always kept in the loop regarding my other relationships, the issues I faced, and all those little details she was always so strangely interested in.

I know that real people stick around. This hit me hard, but maybe it's for the best. It's better to find out who the true friends are and cut ties with toxic connections. As for the people she's been gossiping about me to—she is incredibly venomous when she's annoyed with someone, so I highly doubt she wasn't dragging my name through the mud while she was "peacefully distancing herself"—well, hopefully, they have enough sense and memory to judge me based on how I actually treated THEM, rather than basing their opinion on her biased views.

There's no point in crying or overthinking this. I'm cutting off every information source related to her. I'm going to focus on myself, my hobbies, and my work. Like someone else mentioned, it shouldn't matter if you spend a few hours grabbing coffee with people just to feel better or to get validation from your circle. Whenever I want company, I have my family, and then there are those few real friends and the everyday ones I can go to a concert or head out with. Everything else is just forced, and it's too much mental energy to waste on stupidity when I could just relax and live in the moment. Real people will show up—they have to. And if they don't, I'm smart enough to know there are plenty of people out there who value me and won't walk away the second things get a little complicated.

Honestly, these are the most level-headed takeaways from this whole entire thread. 🙂

goldenmarlin64 said:About a year ago, I was diagnosed with a mild heart issue—basically what they call "anxious heart." Lately, I’ve been dealing with constant chest pains and these stupid panic attacks because I constantly feel like I'm losing control of everything.

I have two really close friends whom I’ve talked to about this privately, and both told me the exact same thing you all did. I found out that even though she claimed to be an amazing friend and promised she’d never repeat our private conversations, she actually went behind my back and badmouthed me to our mutual acquaintances. It hurts incredibly much because those people aren't anyone I ever opened up to, and now they might be forming this image of me as some "pathetic, lifeless person" based entirely on her gossip. I honestly don't understand how much frustration someone has to carry to act like this. Because I didn't share every single intimate detail with her—which, frankly, is my right since some things are just PERSONAL—she decided to weaponize that and start spreading nonsense about me to people who don't even care.

It’s just depressing seeing how people operate. I feel completely isolated, like besides these two friends, there isn't a single soul she hasn't spoken ill of me to. I'll never truly know people's motives—whether I'm actually annoying others as much as I am her, or if anyone will ever just be honest with me. I worry everyone is just silently building up resentment for years while I'm over here doing everything I can to be a good, supportive friend who actually cares and wants to show up.

Look, reliable, everyday friends—the kind you can actually lean on—are what make life worth living. Or is life supposed to be this constant performance where you fake a persona just so people have something interesting to gossip about?
Those two actual friends of yours—if they're the real deal—are worth infinitely more than a dozen fake "friends" or acquaintances you have to impress just to look "cool."

This girl you supposedly lost (though, let's be real, you never actually had her) isn't a friend—she's just a gossip. She clearly got triggered because she couldn't squeeze any juicy details out of you regarding your made-up relationships or boyfriends.
It sounds like her entire social existence probably revolves around relaying rumors and playing telephone with whatever she hears from whom.

So, you don't actually have a boyfriend OR a best friend, right?

That part is pretty easy to read between the lines here:

goldenmarlin64 said:I feel like I've hit rock bottom. And honestly, it’s not even about her—she’s irrelevant to this whole mess. It’s more that the fears I’ve been carrying my entire life are finally starting to manifest. It feels like everyone else has moved on. Everyone has their own lives, their own routines, while I’m still here, stuck caring about people who are far too preoccupied with their own old social circles and their own drama. I’m always the one trying to spark things up, the one trying to get the group together, but I never get anything back. I’m never the one getting the invite to grab coffee or hang out with their other friends; it’s always me initiating everything. It feels like I’m staring at a brick wall that I can’t jump over, walk around, or break through.

No matter how much I tried to be there for everyone—listening to their endless drama and being the shoulder to cry on—it feels like everyone just collectively decided to forget I exist. Now that they’ve got flashier things going on, like spending all their time hanging out with their boyfriends or hitting the beach with other friends, I’ve been pushed to the sidelines. I'm basically just an afterthought now, someone they only bother to respond to when they feel like grabbing a quick coffee.

I’m honestly fed up with being this dependent on everyone else and failing to find any sense of peace within myself. My whole life feels like it revolves around my social calendar—just constantly checking where I need to be and if every single day is going to be packed with plans. It’s exhausting. I’m in such a bad headspace right now that I actually canceled my coffee plans today. I just didn't want to be terrible company. Instead, I'm lying here wide awake since 5 a.m., feeling this heavy pain in my chest, and honestly, I just don't see a way out of this rut.

I’m nearing the end of my degree, and honestly, the thought of it terrifies me. Once I'm done, the lectures stop, and with them goes that forced social structure that actually puts me around people. I’ve had this remote job for about four years now, but lately, I haven't even been able to touch it because my motivation is completely shot. Aside from two amazing friends, I feel like I have nobody. They both have boyfriends, so they’re perfectly content just grabbing a drink with me instead of going out on the town. I get why they’re happy with that, but I can't force them to socialize the way I want to. Then again, I’m not even sure if that’s what I *actually* want, or if I just think I should want it because that's how everyone else seems to have fun. The truth is, I haven't even been enjoying myself when I do go out lately. I spend the whole time overthinking and planning the next move instead of just living in the moment.

I’m honestly just driving myself crazy. I can’t seem to find any happiness because I refuse to acknowledge how much I actually have going for me. I’m healthy, my parents are amazing, and my mom is someone I can talk to about absolutely anything—we share the same interests, so grabbing a coffee together is never boring. I have two brothers I can actually connect with, rather than us all just rotting in our own rooms like we’ve been doing lately. I’ve got pets, a side hustle that’s actually turning into a real business, and I finally picked up writing and photography again after being stuck in a rut for years. I’m almost done with my degree, too. I even have an offer to write for a local newspaper, but I keep stalling on the interview. Every time I take a job where I’m not my own boss, I end up quitting, and I’m terrified this will be the same thing. Then there’s this random seasonal job offer, but I don't feel like doing it when I know I could make the same money through my creative work (even if I do spend months doing nothing at all). Socially, things are weird. I have two close friends, maybe three or four others I can actually stand talking to, but lately, I feel like I’m always the one reaching out. I expect way more from them than they give back, which I know is stupid and unrealistic—people aren't mind readers, and their expectations shouldn't have to match mine. I also have this one really great friend I grab drinks with in the evenings, but now I’m paranoid he’s catching feelings that I just can't return. On paper, life is good: I have a roof over my head, I look good (despite my own body image issues), I have hobbies, and I’m definitely not stupid. But I’m so stuck on the past and on "better days." I keep waiting for people to pull me along, expecting constant companionship, even though I see everyone else shifting toward spending more time with family or focusing on their own interests instead of just hanging out at Starbucks all day. It feels like everyone else has figured it out and is more content, while I’m just sitting here feeling rejected and unloved—which, honestly, is exactly how I’ve felt my entire life.

Are these just clouds passing in front of the sun? Or is this something much deeper—something that requires sitting down with a therapist or a psychiatrist? Does anyone else feel this weight? This pressure that keeps me wide awake at night, making me run to the bathroom just to cry because I feel like nothing will ever be enough, and I’ll never truly be happy no matter what happens in my life. It’s this crushing sense that I’m already dreading New Year's Eve because I won't have anyone to celebrate with. Sometimes these seemingly trivial fears hit me so hard that I honestly don't know how to handle myself...

To doesn't look like deep, meaningful friendships to me—it looks more like casual acquaintances you grab a quick coffee with just to kill some time.
The thing is, you guys clearly aren't on the same page. They’ve all got boyfriends and their own established routines, while you’re out here looking for dates and hoping they'll sync up with your lifestyle—but they won't.
Either you need to find a crew that actually shares your current goals and "values," or you should just focus on finding a decent guy who fits into the social circle your friends are already running in.

casualjackal12 said:Don't you think 2-4 glasses of water a day is way too little?

Theoretically, sure, maybe—but I was doing just fine with that amount until this summer hit. Personally, I tend to retain water, so if I actually followed those "recommended daily intakes," I’d be bloating like crazy from edema—unless, of course, I were hitting intense cycling classes, spinning, or aerobics. Then it would be different.

casualjackal12 said:How could 5 liters of water have made you feel bad? You didn't just chug it all at once, did you?

It wasn't all at once, but my routine was basically forcing down half a liter every hour or so—literally shoving a bottle to my lips because, honestly, I don't really get thirsty. I can tell when I'm feeling off, but I don't naturally connect that sensation to needing water. After a few hours of doing that, I felt absolutely miserable and had this disgusting taste in my mouth.
And I've read that you can actually die from water intoxication.

Does anyone know why some people just lack that internal regulation? Like, they don't intuitively know how much water they need or when to scale back (I've noticed I'm the same way with food, too).??
If I weren't following some "you should do this" rule or being nagged by my mom, I could easily go days without eating anything—meanwhile, you have other people who are constantly dealing with stuff like, "My hands are shaking, my blood sugar dropped," and feeling actual hunger..
Why doesn't that mechanism work for everyone?

Christian Ramos27 said:I learned early on that when life finally lays all its cards on the table, you see exactly who was standing by you and who was just playing a part. Sometimes, people you barely considered friends end up surprising you with genuine loyalty, while those you thought were your ride-or-dies turn out to be complete strangers...

So, cut ties with that "friend" because they were never actually in your corner. When a true friend finally finds the courage to be vulnerable and opens up about everything they've been carrying, a real friend stays by their side...

She wasn't a friend; she was a parasite. You lend her cash, and suddenly she’s too busy to grab a coffee? Look, when I lent money to my buddies, I never expected a repayment plan, nor did I ever demand they show up to help me paint my house or fix a leak—they just showed up because that's what you do. Real friends are like family; they might argue with you or disagree, but they’re there when things get heavy. They don't throw your vulnerability back in your face or accuse you of being dramatic. They work through the friction to fix the relationship. Just cross that "friend" off your list and move on. There are plenty of other people out there, and maybe someone better is just around the corner...

I had my first massive reality check with a friend back when I was only 12.😁
In a way, it's better to get hit with it early rather than later.
When you're just a kid, the stakes are low—it's mostly small stuff that lets you peek at someone's true character. But once you're an adult? That's when the real betrayals happen, and the fallout can actually mess up your entire life.

casualjackal12 said:The heat is absolutely brutal right now—our bodies seriously need to stay hydrated.
I feel like I’ve downed at least 6 liters of water today alone,
and I’ve definitely had to hit the bathroom at least 6 times. 🙂

I’m starting to wonder, though... what’s the actual limit? How much water can we realistically drink every day
before it actually becomes too much?

How much are you guys drinking daily—especially with this current heatwave?

Typical me—just 2 to 4 glasses a day.

I tried hitting 5 liters once and ended up feeling nauseous enough to throw up.

So you're basically her personal ATM through constant loans, playing therapist whenever she needs an ear, yet she can't even find the time to grab a coffee? On top of all that, she goes around painting you as some terrible person and a fake friend—honestly, honey, I don't know how you still have the energy to even speak to her.
Just delete her number and call it a day. 😁

goldenmarlin64 said:I don't know, that would mean way too many relationships are fake. I'm not talking about being shady or deceptive; I just think we aren't always 100% transparent with everyone. We all have our own little hang-ups, private dilemmas, and tiny details that we don't feel the need to broadcast to the world—things we sometimes just want to work through on our own.

Why would anyone assume a relationship isn't healthy just because I don't know absolutely everything about another person? Regardless of how much I’ve changed after seeing my therapist, I don't know if I'll ever be the type of person who shares every single hope, anxiety, or minor joy with every single friend I have. She holds that against me, even though she hasn't been nearly as open as she claims I'm not. Sure, she's more "open" in the sense that she stands her ground, but plenty of times when I've asked if she was okay because it was obvious something was wrong, I'd just get canned clichés and "everything is fine." In those moments, my takeaway is usually that she'll tell me when things are serious and she's ready to talk. You can't really get mad at someone for keeping their own business to themselves.

All that other stuff is valid, and I already explained why I acted the way I did and apologized if I ever offended her or anyone else. But putting my entire character, my whole life, and everything I've struggled through under a microscope and wondering if I'm a horrible person doesn't help me one bit. Nor does it help her to act so insulted, calling me a liar and a terrible person. That's just not what real friends do—even while she insists she's being the perfect, loyal friend.

Yeah, exactly. ☕
The problem is that most people rarely find themselves in a situation extreme enough to actually see the difference between a real friend and someone who’s just playing a part.

goldenmarlin64 said:I don't know, that would mean way too many relationships are fake. I'm not talking about being shady or deceptive; I just think we aren't always 100% transparent with everyone. We all have our own little hang-ups, private dilemmas, and tiny details that we don't feel the need to broadcast to the world—things we sometimes just want to work through on our own.

Why would anyone assume a relationship isn't healthy just because I don't know absolutely everything about another person? Regardless of how much I’ve changed after seeing my therapist, I don't know if I'll ever be the type of person who shares every single hope, anxiety, or minor joy with every single friend I have. She holds that against me, even though she hasn't been nearly as open as she claims I'm not. Sure, she's more "open" in the sense that she stands her ground, but plenty of times when I've asked if she was okay because it was obvious something was wrong, I'd just get canned clichés and "everything is fine." In those moments, my takeaway is usually that she'll tell me when things are serious and she's ready to talk. You can't really get mad at someone for keeping their own business to themselves.

All that other stuff is valid, and I already explained why I acted the way I did and apologized if I ever offended her or anyone else. But putting my entire character, my whole life, and everything I've struggled through under a microscope and wondering if I'm a horrible person doesn't help me one bit. Nor does it help her to act so insulted, calling me a liar and a terrible person. That's just not what real friends do—even while she insists she's being the perfect, loyal friend.

There isn't even a debate here—it’s not about whether she's a "better" friend or a "worse" friend. You're just a terrible person. Honestly, you aren't even a friend to her in the first place. 🤣

goldenmarlin64 said:Hi everyone,

I won't drag this opening post out, so I’ll try to be brief. My entire life, I’ve struggled with my self-image. It stems from a medical condition diagnosed when I was a newborn, which led to five different surgeries between the ages of eight and seventeen. Because of that, I carry plenty of scars that people notice the moment they meet me. For a long time, I acted like it didn't bother me—I was great in school, had plenty of friends, and excelled at everything I put my mind to.

But there was always this wall I started building as a kid after a few uncomfortable encounters. I viewed many of my traits as weaknesses, and I refused to let anyone see me as weak, especially since they already saw me as vulnerable or "different" physically. I had a hard time accepting my own body, which resulted in me being very late to enter sexual relationships (I'm in my mid-twenties now) and never quite managing to sustain a serious romantic relationship; things always seemed to stall out early on. When I was around other women, I often lied about my experiences or withheld details just like most girls do.

In my friendships, I always went the "extra mile"—being the one who accommodates everyone, helps out, lends money, or provides a shoulder to cry on. I was accommodating to a fault, always ready to help, only to realize later that it was just another coping mechanism. It was a fear that if I wasn't perfect, I wouldn't be accepted; because I felt "flawed" in one area, I felt I had to give 150% in others so people wouldn't leave me or make fun of me.

I only became aware of all this this past year. It’s been a lot of tears, sleepless nights, internal battles, and dark thoughts. I’m planning to see a therapist or psychiatrist, which is something I’ve never done before.

So, what's the issue, and why am I posting this? Well, once I realized what was happening and tried to address it, I started opening up to my close female friends about what has been tormenting me. While some reacted beautifully and offered support and conversation, I ran into a few who simply don't get it.

One friend in particular really hurt me. She’s grown cold toward me because she feels like I've been projecting my own dissatisfactions onto our friendship (for example, saying it was fine if she didn't want to grab coffee, but then getting upset later when she actually went and told me she could have called me instead). I apologized for all of it and laid my soul bare, explaining my struggles with self-esteem. I told her that my behavior was a learned response—that I often said "it's fine" because I didn't want to center myself or turn minor things into an issue.

She claims I'm being dishonest, that I'm a fake friend, and that she’s never experienced real emotion from me. We’ve been friends for seven years, and I truly don't believe I've been a bad friend. I was always there to listen, I always wanted to hang out (even though she was often preoccupied with her "better" friends while I was just the person available for emails or checking in when she was impossible to grab for a quick coffee), I was there whenever she needed financial help, I was there to comfort her, I gave her little gifts, passed along clothes I didn't wear, stood up for her, and spoke up when she was in trouble. I feel like I've shown plenty of emotion in this friendship. But she says that isn't true friendship. She’s bothered by the fact that small things might bother me even though I used to say they didn't, and she's upset that I didn't share every single detail about the guys I was seeing in the way she expects.

I apologized for my actions, explained what the problem was and what it still is, and showed her my greatest vulnerability and my genuine desire to change, even though it isn't easy. Her reaction? She basically said our relationship isn't what she thought it was and that she wants to distance herself. She told me I shouldn't have acted that way, that there are people with much bigger problems who aren't like this, that it's my own fault, and that she wishes me luck with future relationships and hopes I don't ruin every connection I have.

Am I the only one who totally misread her, or am I just pouring my heart out to someone who refuses to get it? Should I apologize for how I’ve acted—you know, all those unconscious mistakes I made that ended up hurting me more than anyone else? Do I need to say sorry for being guarded about certain things? For the times I couldn't stand up for myself, saying everything was fine when it clearly wasn't, or even being oblivious to the fact that things were going south?

I've felt like absolute garbage all week since she said all that. It’s always me, the one constantly apologizing. She went on such a tear, throwing all these ugly things at me and dragging up little details I thought we had already moved past. I don't believe in digging up the past like that; either you settle things immediately or you let them go. It feels low. Instead, I feel like she's just writing me off, weaponizing every flaw she can find, even after I tried to show her how much I've been struggling and how shitty I've felt over the last year and a half.

I honestly don't even know what I want right now. Maybe I just need an outside perspective. I don't want to vent to our other friends because this is strictly between the two of us. Is it possible that my past traumas combined with my tendency to shut down are just relationship killers? Are all my friendships actually fake if I haven't always been completely transparent? I spent my whole life being dishonest with myself, and only now am I starting to open up—both to myself and to the people I actually care about.

If you aren’t being completely transparent—and if the person you’re dealing with isn't being 100% upfront with you either—then just consider the whole thing a sham. It’s all fake.
Even when everything is out in the open and you aren't being deceptive—which, let’s face it, isn't always easy—the reality remains that everything in this life has an expiration date. You could have been 100% transparent from day one, totally honest about every single thing, and you still might be staring down this exact same fallout with your "friend." Life doesn't work that way. Truth isn't some magic shield against things falling apart.

goldenmarlin64 said:Hi everyone,

I won't drag this opening post out, so I’ll try to be brief. My entire life, I’ve struggled with my self-image. It stems from a medical condition diagnosed when I was a newborn, which led to five different surgeries between the ages of eight and seventeen. Because of that, I carry plenty of scars that people notice the moment they meet me. For a long time, I acted like it didn't bother me—I was great in school, had plenty of friends, and excelled at everything I put my mind to.

But there was always this wall I started building as a kid after a few uncomfortable encounters. I viewed many of my traits as weaknesses, and I refused to let anyone see me as weak, especially since they already saw me as vulnerable or "different" physically. I had a hard time accepting my own body, which resulted in me being very late to enter sexual relationships (I'm in my mid-twenties now) and never quite managing to sustain a serious romantic relationship; things always seemed to stall out early on. When I was around other women, I often lied about my experiences or withheld details just like most girls do.

In my friendships, I always went the "extra mile"—being the one who accommodates everyone, helps out, lends money, or provides a shoulder to cry on. I was accommodating to a fault, always ready to help, only to realize later that it was just another coping mechanism. It was a fear that if I wasn't perfect, I wouldn't be accepted; because I felt "flawed" in one area, I felt I had to give 150% in others so people wouldn't leave me or make fun of me.

I only became aware of all this this past year. It’s been a lot of tears, sleepless nights, internal battles, and dark thoughts. I’m planning to see a therapist or psychiatrist, which is something I’ve never done before.

So, what's the issue, and why am I posting this? Well, once I realized what was happening and tried to address it, I started opening up to my close female friends about what has been tormenting me. While some reacted beautifully and offered support and conversation, I ran into a few who simply don't get it.

One friend in particular really hurt me. She’s grown cold toward me because she feels like I've been projecting my own dissatisfactions onto our friendship (for example, saying it was fine if she didn't want to grab coffee, but then getting upset later when she actually went and told me she could have called me instead). I apologized for all of it and laid my soul bare, explaining my struggles with self-esteem. I told her that my behavior was a learned response—that I often said "it's fine" because I didn't want to center myself or turn minor things into an issue.

She claims I'm being dishonest, that I'm a fake friend, and that she’s never experienced real emotion from me. We’ve been friends for seven years, and I truly don't believe I've been a bad friend. I was always there to listen, I always wanted to hang out (even though she was often preoccupied with her "better" friends while I was just the person available for emails or checking in when she was impossible to grab for a quick coffee), I was there whenever she needed financial help, I was there to comfort her, I gave her little gifts, passed along clothes I didn't wear, stood up for her, and spoke up when she was in trouble. I feel like I've shown plenty of emotion in this friendship. But she says that isn't true friendship. She’s bothered by the fact that small things might bother me even though I used to say they didn't, and she's upset that I didn't share every single detail about the guys I was seeing in the way she expects.

I apologized for my actions, explained what the problem was and what it still is, and showed her my greatest vulnerability and my genuine desire to change, even though it isn't easy. Her reaction? She basically said our relationship isn't what she thought it was and that she wants to distance herself. She told me I shouldn't have acted that way, that there are people with much bigger problems who aren't like this, that it's my own fault, and that she wishes me luck with future relationships and hopes I don't ruin every connection I have.

Am I the only one who totally misread her, or am I just pouring my heart out to someone who refuses to get it? Should I apologize for how I’ve acted—you know, all those unconscious mistakes I made that ended up hurting me more than anyone else? Do I need to say sorry for being guarded about certain things? For the times I couldn't stand up for myself, saying everything was fine when it clearly wasn't, or even being oblivious to the fact that things were going south?

I've felt like absolute garbage all week since she said all that. It’s always me, the one constantly apologizing. She went on such a tear, throwing all these ugly things at me and dragging up little details I thought we had already moved past. I don't believe in digging up the past like that; either you settle things immediately or you let them go. It feels low. Instead, I feel like she's just writing me off, weaponizing every flaw she can find, even after I tried to show her how much I've been struggling and how shitty I've felt over the last year and a half.

I honestly don't even know what I want right now. Maybe I just need an outside perspective. I don't want to vent to our other friends because this is strictly between the two of us. Is it possible that my past traumas combined with my tendency to shut down are just relationship killers? Are all my friendships actually fake if I haven't always been completely transparent? I spent my whole life being dishonest with myself, and only now am I starting to open up—both to myself and to the people I actually care about.

Honestly, you don't owe her an explanation. It’s pretty obvious looking at how she treats you—this isn't a real friendship. It’s just one of those shallow social connections where she’s been constantly taking from you while giving next to nothing in return.
It’s pretty obvious she has a completely different definition of "friendship" than most sane people do—if her entire idea of being a friend boils down to nothing but obsessing over guys and then running to gossip the second a fight breaks out.
To me sounds like some fake persona you have to put on just to act "cool" enough to be considered a friend.

goldenmarlin64 said:Hi everyone,

I won't drag this opening post out, so I’ll try to be brief. My entire life, I’ve struggled with my self-image. It stems from a medical condition diagnosed when I was a newborn, which led to five different surgeries between the ages of eight and seventeen. Because of that, I carry plenty of scars that people notice the moment they meet me. For a long time, I acted like it didn't bother me—I was great in school, had plenty of friends, and excelled at everything I put my mind to.

But there was always this wall I started building as a kid after a few uncomfortable encounters. I viewed many of my traits as weaknesses, and I refused to let anyone see me as weak, especially since they already saw me as vulnerable or "different" physically. I had a hard time accepting my own body, which resulted in me being very late to enter sexual relationships (I'm in my mid-twenties now) and never quite managing to sustain a serious romantic relationship; things always seemed to stall out early on. When I was around other women, I often lied about my experiences or withheld details just like most girls do.

In my friendships, I always went the "extra mile"—being the one who accommodates everyone, helps out, lends money, or provides a shoulder to cry on. I was accommodating to a fault, always ready to help, only to realize later that it was just another coping mechanism. It was a fear that if I wasn't perfect, I wouldn't be accepted; because I felt "flawed" in one area, I felt I had to give 150% in others so people wouldn't leave me or make fun of me.

I only became aware of all this this past year. It’s been a lot of tears, sleepless nights, internal battles, and dark thoughts. I’m planning to see a therapist or psychiatrist, which is something I’ve never done before.

So, what's the issue, and why am I posting this? Well, once I realized what was happening and tried to address it, I started opening up to my close female friends about what has been tormenting me. While some reacted beautifully and offered support and conversation, I ran into a few who simply don't get it.

One friend in particular really hurt me. She’s grown cold toward me because she feels like I've been projecting my own dissatisfactions onto our friendship (for example, saying it was fine if she didn't want to grab coffee, but then getting upset later when she actually went and told me she could have called me instead). I apologized for all of it and laid my soul bare, explaining my struggles with self-esteem. I told her that my behavior was a learned response—that I often said "it's fine" because I didn't want to center myself or turn minor things into an issue.

She claims I'm being dishonest, that I'm a fake friend, and that she’s never experienced real emotion from me. We’ve been friends for seven years, and I truly don't believe I've been a bad friend. I was always there to listen, I always wanted to hang out (even though she was often preoccupied with her "better" friends while I was just the person available for emails or checking in when she was impossible to grab for a quick coffee), I was there whenever she needed financial help, I was there to comfort her, I gave her little gifts, passed along clothes I didn't wear, stood up for her, and spoke up when she was in trouble. I feel like I've shown plenty of emotion in this friendship. But she says that isn't true friendship. She’s bothered by the fact that small things might bother me even though I used to say they didn't, and she's upset that I didn't share every single detail about the guys I was seeing in the way she expects.

I apologized for my actions, explained what the problem was and what it still is, and showed her my greatest vulnerability and my genuine desire to change, even though it isn't easy. Her reaction? She basically said our relationship isn't what she thought it was and that she wants to distance herself. She told me I shouldn't have acted that way, that there are people with much bigger problems who aren't like this, that it's my own fault, and that she wishes me luck with future relationships and hopes I don't ruin every connection I have.

Am I the only one who totally misread her, or am I just pouring my heart out to someone who refuses to get it? Should I apologize for how I’ve acted—you know, all those unconscious mistakes I made that ended up hurting me more than anyone else? Do I need to say sorry for being guarded about certain things? For the times I couldn't stand up for myself, saying everything was fine when it clearly wasn't, or even being oblivious to the fact that things were going south?

I've felt like absolute garbage all week since she said all that. It’s always me, the one constantly apologizing. She went on such a tear, throwing all these ugly things at me and dragging up little details I thought we had already moved past. I don't believe in digging up the past like that; either you settle things immediately or you let them go. It feels low. Instead, I feel like she's just writing me off, weaponizing every flaw she can find, even after I tried to show her how much I've been struggling and how shitty I've felt over the last year and a half.

I honestly don't even know what I want right now. Maybe I just need an outside perspective. I don't want to vent to our other friends because this is strictly between the two of us. Is it possible that my past traumas combined with my tendency to shut down are just relationship killers? Are all my friendships actually fake if I haven't always been completely transparent? I spent my whole life being dishonest with myself, and only now am I starting to open up—both to myself and to the people I actually care about.

Technically speaking, what do you actually have from this friendship besides those coffees you never even went for?
Look at it this way: it's like losing a piece of jewelry you thought was expensive, only to realize later it wasn't even real gold. Because honestly, that's exactly what's happening here.

Bluejacket said:
I figured you were dealing with some kind of "crisis."😁
Actually, this doesn't really fall under any psychological disorder—it's more like an evolution.
Specifically, a shift in behavior.
It happens because of changes in attitudes, ways of thinking, or general belief systems. Usually, it's triggered by processing new information or when something shifts deep down inside us.
A genuine internal change, let's say.🙂
But then there’s also behavioral change driven by conscious choice. In those cases, your underlying attitudes don't necessarily have to change at all.
It's basically shifting your perspective (and accent) or just adjusting how you act when it serves your interests.
That first type of change—the deep one—is incredibly rare because people are notoriously stubborn about their views, even when they know they're dead wrong.
Throw in regional dialects and slang, and you get another layer to it.
Clearly, you have a certain knack for adapting to whatever environment you find yourself in.🙂
Even if we try to preserve the linguistic richness of a specific region, adapting to other areas is just a necessity for easier communication.
Of course, you shouldn't lose your original way of speaking—that's what makes our culture unique. That original flavor, those old-school American idioms and ways of talking.
Uff, it's a fascinating phenomenon, and you see it all the time in New York City.☕

You put that all so nicely. I'm extremely adaptable—I can pick up on accents not just from city to city, but almost from town to town—but what fascinates me is how my accent shifts depending on my mood. When I try to force a different way of speaking to correct it, I end up sounding like I'm totally faking it to myself.

For instance, if we start talking about money or the economy, a certain way of speaking just kicks in automatically. Then, if I try to switch back to a standard New York accent, I feel like a complete fraud.🤣 🤣
It's true that most of my deep dives into those topics have been with folks from Imotac, so my speech naturally drifts toward that side.

Anyway, I've always found archaic speech patterns really interesting.

Edward Murphy4 said:My mom does this thing where she basically morphs to fit whoever she's talking to.
Like, if she’s grabbing coffee with a friend from New York City, she’ll suddenly pick up that specific accent. And honestly? She nails it—it doesn't sound forced at all.🤣 I can't tell if she's doing it on purpose or if it's just some weird subconscious thing.🤷

If it’s intentional, fine... but if it’s unconscious, man, that's a whole different story.
To me, it feels like it just happens automatically—even when she’s hanging out with family back home. It’s not really a huge deal unless you're at work dealing with client calls.
God forbid I worked on a psychic hotline; people would think I was some shady mistress every single day.🤣 🤣

I don't necessarily see this as a massive issue, but I’d love to get some thoughts on this topic 🙂
To be honest, I have this weird little quirk where my accent just shifts constantly—mostly because I've lived in so many different parts of the country.
The latest headache happened during a job call; I used one accent first, then a completely different one later, and the person on the other end actually thought I was a different caller entirely! Of course, that immediately triggered a barrage of stupid questions.
Basically, I'll find myself slipping into a thick New York City vibe (with all the slang) when talking to certain people, then suddenly sounding like I'm from Miami, and quite often—especially when I'm deep in thought—I pick up a Southern drawl. It happens totally spontaneously, almost like my mood is shifting along with my voice.

Sometimes I notice it happening and try to rein it in, but it’s just not working, which leads to awkward situations like that job interview debacle. I guess to most people, I probably come across like I have a split personality 🤣 🤣
Anyway, I'm curious if anyone else deals with this? How do you manage it?
Because the issue isn't just about swapping out a few words here or there—it’s that my entire way of speaking, the whole cadence and flow, transforms into a completely different regional dialect.

So, yeah... looks like I’ve got my own little issues too 😍

analogwalker8 said:So, what happens to those people who actually end up being happy as adults—both on paper and in their own heads?

I mean, sure, those people exist, but adult happiness is such a slippery concept—like, it can flip into misery in a heartbeat because there are just way more things out there ready to ruin your day. A kid, though? If a kid is genuinely happy, both objectively and subjectively, they’ve got much less chance of hitting a rough patch... unless, you know, something really heavy hits them personally, like a serious illness, God forbid. But that’s the thing about childhood happiness—it’s actually more "secure" in the moment because it’s built on the tiny, little stuff. It isn't as fragile as an adult's version of happiness, which tends to shift constantly. It's just more stable, I guess. Though, I totally get why you'd say this whole topic is getting a bit too subjective to dive deep into.

And besides having zero income or dealing with health issues, what else are we talking about?

Is childhood really the peak of human happiness? It’s one of those questions that sounds simple until you actually stop to think about it—and then it just becomes this endless loop of "what ifs." I see people constantly romanticizing being a kid, acting like life was just pure sunshine and rainbows before the crushing weight of reality set in. But honestly? I don't buy the whole "happiest ever" narrative. Sure, you don't have to worry about paying rent or navigating the absolute mess that is the modern American economy, but there’s a different kind of struggle when you have zero autonomy. You’re basically a passenger in your own life, subject to the whims of whoever is in charge of you. And let's be real—not everyone had a perfect upbringing. For a lot of us, childhood wasn't some nostalgic montage; it was just... complicated. To say it's the pinnacle of happiness ignores anyone who grew up dealing with actual hardship. Maybe we aren't "happiest" as kids, maybe we're just too blissfully ignorant to know how much things are going to suck later. There's a massive difference between genuine happiness and just not knowing enough to be miserable yet.
It’s a philosophical question, really—and honestly, one that depends entirely on what kind of childhood that person had.
Kids are blissfully unaware—for the most part—living like they’re in some sort of endless summer where nothing ever goes wrong. They just drift through life without a care in the world, acting like this carefree state of mind is going to last forever.
Kids growing up in broken homes don't exactly have it easy—they aren't living these carefree, worry-free lives. Honestly, they’re usually just counting down the days until they can finally escape, hoping that once they hit adulthood, they might actually be able to build some semblance of happiness for themselves.

In my book, the happiest people are the ones who actually live for today—kind of like animals, really. They just exist in the moment, while they handle the "securing the future" stuff through pure instinct or routine habit rather than constant, neurotic overthinking.
It’s like those squirrels—you know the ones—always frantically hoarding nuts and acorns way ahead of schedule. They’re just out there constantly prepping for a winter that hasn't even hit yet.
They live for the moment, soaking up every second—but without being reckless about it. They actually get things done that matter, mostly because they’ve already proven themselves to be...
A decent solution.

analogwalker8 said:Then again, I feel like luck is such a relative thing, you know? Like, someone who’s just totally oblivious—maybe they aren't the sharpest tool in the shed or just don't grasp what's actually going down around them—might feel happy, but is that *real* happiness? To them, sure, it feels fine, but it’s kind of a hollow version because they’re basically living in a fog. Or take a hermit living out in the Mojave Desert, right? Someone who spends their entire life just munching on roots, meditating, and feeling totally content... how can they even be sure they've got it right? They might hit eighty years old and suddenly realize they took the wrong turn in life, and by then, that "happiness" feels pretty fake. This is where kids have this massive edge—their happiness is both subjective and objective at the same time. A kid doesn't really get the big picture yet, which is totally normal—they'll catch up eventually. Right now, they shouldn't be worrying about the heavy stuff anyway. From an objective standpoint, a child's joy is legitimate because this stage is literally designed for fun and play before they get thrown into the meat grinder of the real world. A kid can't really "lose" their happiness while they're still small (even when things go wrong, they just don't have the capacity to fully process those tragedies yet, so the bliss stays intact). Honestly, that window between ages 5 and 13 is the absolute golden era for any human being.

So, what are we supposed to do with the people who actually managed to find happiness—both objectively and subjectively—once they hit adulthood?

John Mendoza13 said:But look, if someone actually lands that dream job they worked so hard for, they end up worrying about a million different things just to stay successful, and if they married, suddenly there's the whole weight of raising kids to deal with...
while kids don't have any of those heavy burdens; their biggest crisis is usually just waiting for their favorite cartoon to come on TV.
The mention of children in impoverished parts of Africa earlier makes me wonder if those kids might actually be happier than half the wealthy people we see here in the States; money isn't the core purpose of life if you're looking for true happiness for a child.

Look, it doesn't have to be that way—people can actually grow up and find fulfillment. You can land a job you actually love, make a decent living, and spend quality time hanging out with your kids without all the baggage. It’s about finally being able to enjoy life because you aren't stuck reliving the trauma of being a ten-year-old kid who spent every waking second terrified—whether it was wondering if an alcoholic dad was going to lose his temper and beat him, or dreading some predatory relative coming around. You can actually find happiness once you escape that kind of nightmare.
This topic feels incredibly philosophical—maybe even a bit too abstract for a real debate—because, in a way, it dismisses two major realities. It ignores the fact that plenty of kids are genuinely victims of their circumstances, while simultaneously brushing aside the many adults who have actually put in the work to craft lives they truly enjoy and find fulfillment in.
Neo the Anomaly

goldenjackal43 said:On an individual level, it probably averages out. Most people don't manage to find that one singular passion and achieve massive success within it simultaneously; instead, they face the reality of compromise, balancing their interests with a career that actually pays the bills. Then, as we age, health issues inevitably start to creep in.

But look at the broader picture. There are millions of people who grew up in abusive or neglected households and still managed to find significant success later in life. Conversely, there are plenty of people who lived incredibly comfortable lives from day one, yet find themselves easily disillusioned by even the smallest setbacks. Then you have those who spend years, decades, relentlessly chasing a specific goal—the ones who find their greatest sense of fulfillment upon winning an Olympic medal, a Nobel Prize, or a Fields Medal, or perhaps becoming a world champion. And finally, there are the lifelong learners, the scientists and researchers, who spend their entire lives doing work they love and are still making progress well into their 80s.

Everyone has their own unique journey. Every story is composed of peaks and valleys; you can't simply point to a single period in life where a person is at their absolute happiest. 😉

Just being objective here 🙂

Eric Gray2 said:Look, this is a direct warning aimed right at you. Before we got to this point, you were actually flagged across several different posts for trolling and jumping down people's throats—and honestly, a few members actually reached out to complain about how you were behaving.

Take this specific scenario, for instance.
So, I just had to deal with this post where another user basically tried to paint me as some kind of emotional wrecking ball—implying that I somehow leave other people here traumatized—while simultaneously acting like I’m this legendary, vanished figure who was wiped off the face of the forum at lightning speed despite being a supposedly "beloved" staple of the community.

That’s just not true. The post sat there for quite a while—just like my response to it did. In my reply, I actually made a point to ask that we stop dragging this topic into sections where it doesn't belong. If people really want to debate my moderation style, fine—but if they're more interested in defending those inflammatory users who think they can say whatever they want because they're supposedly being "constructive," then they should take that energy over to the General Discussion boards instead. Even on the more sensitive threads, like Psychology, it feels like people expect us to just look the other way when someone gets aggressive under the guise of being helpful. They need to move those arguments elsewhere.

I’ve already mentioned that I don't want to be walking a tightrope with double standards here—specifically when it comes to policing trolling or "jokes" that target people personally. Even if someone tries to mask their jabs as being "diagnostic" or "therapeutic" in nature, it doesn't change the fact that it's still targeting an individual. My goal isn't to protect the person doing the poking; it's to protect the people who are actually being targeted by those attacks. For them, that kind of "humor" isn't funny at all—it’s just personal, and it's definitely not something they find entertaining.

Is this some kind of dig at me, or what?

Not really.

Look, if you’re going to call someone out or try to hand out some kind of punishment, you really ought to back it up with actual evidence—show the receipts, right? It just doesn't sit right with me when someone deletes a single, random post and then immediately tries to paint that person as some kind of digital villain or a keyboard warrior. You can't just scrub the context away and act like you've caught a criminal.

Look, my philosophy is pretty straightforward—when things get heated in a debate, people tend to say stuff they wouldn't normally say if they were thinking clearly. You end up with people breaking the rules and then immediately regretting it once the adrenaline wears off. Because of that, I don't jump straight to handing out bans. Instead, I usually just wipe the offending post and leave a warning—it’s more about de-escalating the situation than being punitive. But, if someone can't keep their cool and the aggression keeps building, then yeah, I'll issue the formal ban. It’s really just about keeping the peace.

Lately, it feels like your username has become a constant fixture in these kinds of blowups—you’re always popping up in debates with different people across just about every topic. Because of that, this warning is being directed specifically at you. It honestly seems to me like you rarely ever come back to the forum with a cooler head after your posts have been scrubbed—or even after a ban—with any actual intention of actually following the rules.

With the way these moderator comments are coming down, it honestly looks like I’m just sitting here mocking people who are struggling or dealing with actual health issues—which couldn't be further from the truth. In reality, my whole intention is usually to lend a hand or share helpful links to articles where people can find their own solutions and get some clarity.

You’re spreading falsehoods here. You know perfectly well that the mods and admins can see everything that gets deleted—so trying to spin this narrative is just a massive miss on your part.

Honestly, I couldn't care less about what your intentions are when you're provoking other users, nor do I care if it benefits them in the long run; at the end of the day, it's a violation of the forum rules. We tend to be lenient with minor infractions from time to time—of course—but once things spiral out of control or become someone's specific *modus operandi*, I am personally prepared to take much more drastic measures to maintain order. That’s why I’m being direct about the threat of an outright ban for repeated behavior.

I also find that your posts—the ones where you dissect the personalities of other members—aren't any more constructive than the posts from users who are actually trying to help without resorting to insults or ad hominem attacks.

And look, even though there are certain sub-forums that are moderated more lightly, and even though there seems to be a whole faction of users arguing for relaxed rules for "those who contribute significantly"—if that's how you want to put it—I firmly believe the rules have to apply equally to everyone. This particular Psychology section is one of our more sensitive areas, and there is simply no room for the kind of statements I've been seeing in your recent posts.

I’m not even going to waste my breath trying to argue—since you basically have to win any debate just because you hold a moderator position—
but if you were actually being honest about the whole "picking fights" and "complaints" thing, you wouldn't be using that little exclamation mark icon to signal to people which posts they should avoid if they don't want to feel bullied—which is what you're implying. People would figure it out themselves anyway, though they won't, because most of those posts were probably taken with a grain of salt and seen as lighthearted or humorous, just like Noelle Page wrote before you "wisely" deleted her post...

Eric Gray2 said:Look, this is a direct warning aimed right at you. Before we got to this point, you were actually flagged across several different posts for trolling and jumping down people's throats—and honestly, a few members actually reached out to complain about how you were behaving.

Take this specific scenario, for instance.
So, I just had to deal with this post where another user basically tried to paint me as some kind of emotional wrecking ball—implying that I somehow leave other people here traumatized—while simultaneously acting like I’m this legendary, vanished figure who was wiped off the face of the forum at lightning speed despite being a supposedly "beloved" staple of the community.

That’s just not true. The post sat there for quite a while—just like my response to it did. In my reply, I actually made a point to ask that we stop dragging this topic into sections where it doesn't belong. If people really want to debate my moderation style, fine—but if they're more interested in defending those inflammatory users who think they can say whatever they want because they're supposedly being "constructive," then they should take that energy over to the General Discussion boards instead. Even on the more sensitive threads, like Psychology, it feels like people expect us to just look the other way when someone gets aggressive under the guise of being helpful. They need to move those arguments elsewhere.

I’ve already mentioned that I don't want to be walking a tightrope with double standards here—specifically when it comes to policing trolling or "jokes" that target people personally. Even if someone tries to mask their jabs as being "diagnostic" or "therapeutic" in nature, it doesn't change the fact that it's still targeting an individual. My goal isn't to protect the person doing the poking; it's to protect the people who are actually being targeted by those attacks. For them, that kind of "humor" isn't funny at all—it’s just personal, and it's definitely not something they find entertaining.

Is this some kind of dig at me, or what?

Not really.

Look, if you’re going to call someone out or try to hand out some kind of punishment, you really ought to back it up with actual evidence—show the receipts, right? It just doesn't sit right with me when someone deletes a single, random post and then immediately tries to paint that person as some kind of digital villain or a keyboard warrior. You can't just scrub the context away and act like you've caught a criminal.

Look, my philosophy is pretty straightforward—when things get heated in a debate, people tend to say stuff they wouldn't normally say if they were thinking clearly. You end up with people breaking the rules and then immediately regretting it once the adrenaline wears off. Because of that, I don't jump straight to handing out bans. Instead, I usually just wipe the offending post and leave a warning—it’s more about de-escalating the situation than being punitive. But, if someone can't keep their cool and the aggression keeps building, then yeah, I'll issue the formal ban. It’s really just about keeping the peace.

Lately, it feels like your username has become a constant fixture in these kinds of blowups—you’re always popping up in debates with different people across just about every topic. Because of that, this warning is being directed specifically at you. It honestly seems to me like you rarely ever come back to the forum with a cooler head after your posts have been scrubbed—or even after a ban—with any actual intention of actually following the rules.

With the way these moderator comments are coming down, it honestly looks like I’m just sitting here mocking people who are struggling or dealing with actual health issues—which couldn't be further from the truth. In reality, my whole intention is usually to lend a hand or share helpful links to articles where people can find their own solutions and get some clarity.

You’re spreading falsehoods here. You know perfectly well that the mods and admins can see everything that gets deleted—so trying to spin this narrative is just a massive miss on your part.

Honestly, I couldn't care less about what your intentions are when you're provoking other users, nor do I care if it benefits them in the long run; at the end of the day, it's a violation of the forum rules. We tend to be lenient with minor infractions from time to time—of course—but once things spiral out of control or become someone's specific *modus operandi*, I am personally prepared to take much more drastic measures to maintain order. That’s why I’m being direct about the threat of an outright ban for repeated behavior.

I also find that your posts—the ones where you dissect the personalities of other members—aren't any more constructive than the posts from users who are actually trying to help without resorting to insults or ad hominem attacks.

And look, even though there are certain sub-forums that are moderated more lightly, and even though there seems to be a whole faction of users arguing for relaxed rules for "those who contribute significantly"—if that's how you want to put it—I firmly believe the rules have to apply equally to everyone. This particular Psychology section is one of our more sensitive areas, and there is simply no room for the kind of statements I've been seeing in your recent posts.

And why would I care about spinning anything?
What am I, Barack Obama? 🤣

Eric Gray2 said:Look, this is a direct warning aimed right at you. Before we got to this point, you were actually flagged across several different posts for trolling and jumping down people's throats—and honestly, a few members actually reached out to complain about how you were behaving.

Take this specific scenario, for instance.
So, I just had to deal with this post where another user basically tried to paint me as some kind of emotional wrecking ball—implying that I somehow leave other people here traumatized—while simultaneously acting like I’m this legendary, vanished figure who was wiped off the face of the forum at lightning speed despite being a supposedly "beloved" staple of the community.

That’s just not true. The post sat there for quite a while—just like my response to it did. In my reply, I actually made a point to ask that we stop dragging this topic into sections where it doesn't belong. If people really want to debate my moderation style, fine—but if they're more interested in defending those inflammatory users who think they can say whatever they want because they're supposedly being "constructive," then they should take that energy over to the General Discussion boards instead. Even on the more sensitive threads, like Psychology, it feels like people expect us to just look the other way when someone gets aggressive under the guise of being helpful. They need to move those arguments elsewhere.

I’ve already mentioned that I don't want to be walking a tightrope with double standards here—specifically when it comes to policing trolling or "jokes" that target people personally. Even if someone tries to mask their jabs as being "diagnostic" or "therapeutic" in nature, it doesn't change the fact that it's still targeting an individual. My goal isn't to protect the person doing the poking; it's to protect the people who are actually being targeted by those attacks. For them, that kind of "humor" isn't funny at all—it’s just personal, and it's definitely not something they find entertaining.

Is this some kind of dig at me, or what?

Not really.

Look, if you’re going to call someone out or try to hand out some kind of punishment, you really ought to back it up with actual evidence—show the receipts, right? It just doesn't sit right with me when someone deletes a single, random post and then immediately tries to paint that person as some kind of digital villain or a keyboard warrior. You can't just scrub the context away and act like you've caught a criminal.

Look, my philosophy is pretty straightforward—when things get heated in a debate, people tend to say stuff they wouldn't normally say if they were thinking clearly. You end up with people breaking the rules and then immediately regretting it once the adrenaline wears off. Because of that, I don't jump straight to handing out bans. Instead, I usually just wipe the offending post and leave a warning—it’s more about de-escalating the situation than being punitive. But, if someone can't keep their cool and the aggression keeps building, then yeah, I'll issue the formal ban. It’s really just about keeping the peace.

Lately, it feels like your username has become a constant fixture in these kinds of blowups—you’re always popping up in debates with different people across just about every topic. Because of that, this warning is being directed specifically at you. It honestly seems to me like you rarely ever come back to the forum with a cooler head after your posts have been scrubbed—or even after a ban—with any actual intention of actually following the rules.

With the way these moderator comments are coming down, it honestly looks like I’m just sitting here mocking people who are struggling or dealing with actual health issues—which couldn't be further from the truth. In reality, my whole intention is usually to lend a hand or share helpful links to articles where people can find their own solutions and get some clarity.

You’re spreading falsehoods here. You know perfectly well that the mods and admins can see everything that gets deleted—so trying to spin this narrative is just a massive miss on your part.

Honestly, I couldn't care less about what your intentions are when you're provoking other users, nor do I care if it benefits them in the long run; at the end of the day, it's a violation of the forum rules. We tend to be lenient with minor infractions from time to time—of course—but once things spiral out of control or become someone's specific *modus operandi*, I am personally prepared to take much more drastic measures to maintain order. That’s why I’m being direct about the threat of an outright ban for repeated behavior.

I also find that your posts—the ones where you dissect the personalities of other members—aren't any more constructive than the posts from users who are actually trying to help without resorting to insults or ad hominem attacks.

And look, even though there are certain sub-forums that are moderated more lightly, and even though there seems to be a whole faction of users arguing for relaxed rules for "those who contribute significantly"—if that's how you want to put it—I firmly believe the rules have to apply equally to everyone. This particular Psychology section is one of our more sensitive areas, and there is simply no room for the kind of statements I've been seeing in your recent posts.

Damn, so does that mean I'm "contributing significantly"? 😁 🤣

Fine, I'll watch my step from now on. 🙂