Posts by Andrew Doyle

velvetstag5 said:If you think you'd be better off being a jerk, it means you're already one; you just haven't realized it yet. Get it?

Oh, give me a break. ☕

So, what you're actually claiming is that she’s still an "unconscious scumbag" because she’s been burned by people exactly like herself? You're basically arguing that because she was on the receiving end of the bad behavior, she somehow gets a pass as a victim while mistakenly thinking things would be easier if she acted just as poorly?

By the way, the original poster isn't even active here; this thread dates all the way back to 2009, so don't sit there expecting some kind of reply confirming whether she "gets it" or not.

Edit: Honestly, that word "scumbag" has been grating on my nerves since the very start. We have a massive vocabulary in English; surely we could have used a term like "unprincipled" or "ruthless" right from the title instead of resorting to that? This whole thread is just a bunch of people tossing around insults like they're nothing, when it’s really not even necessary...

I’m changing the title now, so let’s drop the "scumbag" rhetoric and move on with the discussion properly..

Kyle Rivera3 said:I honestly don't think any parenting advice is going to stick if it doesn't align with how you actually live your life. Kids are little mirrors; they mimic your actions, your temperament, and your core values. It doesn't matter how much you lecture them about what the world is like. You can talk until you're blue in the face, but if you're telling a kid to be tough and self-reliant while you're out here being a pushover who lets everyone walk over you, they aren't going to listen to your words. They'll just end up being soft, just like you. They pick up on what you do, not what you say.

Spot on. You can talk until you're blue in the face, but when it comes to children, they learn primarily through observation—specifically by watching their parents—not by listening to your sermons. You can spend days babbling or delivering endless lectures, but it’s a waste of breath. If you want them to learn something, show them through your own example, and then they'll actually get it.

bluecobra8 said:I came across something recently that really hit home for me, and it sparked this exact thought: "I am so incredibly grateful for everything my parents did for me, but I have no intention of raising my own kids the same way they raised me. It’s not because their parenting was bad—honestly, it wasn't—it’s just that the world they were prepping me for simply doesn't exist anymore, and I'm still trying to find my footing in this new one."

But how else are you supposed to raise them?

I ask because I find myself facing similar parenting dilemmas right now, and frankly, I’m struggling with how to handle them.
How am I supposed to raise a child? Should I teach them to be a hypocrite? To cheat and steal whenever the opportunity arises? To believe that school is irrelevant and that their only real goal should be curating a social circle just to manipulate their way toward success?

Because if I actually raised them that way, what kind of person would I be? I'd be someone who couldn't even look at themselves in the mirror without feeling pure shame.

Sure, my parents grew up in a completely different system—one where there was actual hope for tomorrow, where things felt more stable. Today, that feels like a total utopia, especially after all the massive societal shifts we've seen here in the States over the last few decades.

But can I really raise someone who steps on others or acts purely out of selfishness just because "that's what the world demands"?
Absolutely not.
And I won't. Not because I'm naive, but because I believe that my child and I both contribute our tiny fraction to the state of this world. I refuse to be part of the problem. That is why I will continue to instill moral values in them; I will keep hammering home that education matters and that real results come from hard work and perseverance.

Doing anything else would go against everything I stand for. It wouldn't be me, and it certainly isn't the vision I have for my child's future.

My kid will eventually learn just how cruel this world can be and what kind of cutthroat rules people play by—they're already learning it. But that does not give them a free pass to be a moral wreck just because "society requires it," and I will never, ever condone behavior like that, even if they choose to follow those examples.

Lawrence Bailey77 said:I suppose that’s just instinct. It’s actually a physiological mechanism—this drive to "keep going" regardless of the trauma. An animal doesn't sit around contemplating how much time it needs to process an event; it just breathes, eats, sleeps, and survives. That is life, I guess.

And so many things pass through a lifetime and eventually get accepted as just part of being alive. Instead of a trauma being "resolved" so that it stops controlling or influencing one's existence, it essentially becomes baked into their very character. It’s a heavy thought...

...and then, quite predictably, those traumatized individuals band together and invent politics. 😬

Leave politics out of this shop, for crying out loud.🧐

And no, it isn't "trauma" that causes people to invent politics. To pull that off, you need much deeper issues involving ego, ethics, and morality... it’s a complex cocktail of pathological conditions. But fine, let's not get bogged down in talking about politics or politicians ☕

Betty Taylor34 said:So, after poking around this topic for a bit, I’m starting to second-guess whether this even falls under the umbrella of psychology, but I still can't quite bring myself to label it as just some "Alternative" nonsense, especially since I'm the kind of person who really leans on the scientific method and hard data... You know what I mean? Anyway, I actually stumbled upon that Law of Attraction documentary on YouTube recently, and there was this one line right at the start that just stuck with me—it said "universe does not exist without mind." When you take that idea, along with the whole movie, and try to mesh it with what quantum physics is suggesting these days, it actually starts to feel pretty logical... the only real headache is that you just can't put a ruler on it or measure it in a lab somewhere.🙂

Look, we can move this thread in a heartbeat if you truly believe it would get better feedback elsewhere. Personally, I don't think it deviates all that much from the principles in this PDF; various affirmations have been used—and continue to be used—in techniques originally developed by actual psychologists and psychiatrists... so, as far as that goes, it's not some totally foreign concept. But fine, if you change your mind, there's always the Alternative section... we could just move it over to Alternative, for instance... 🙂

Jeffrey Ramos4 said:And what’s the end goal with all that brown-nosing? A raise? Becoming the boss's best friend? Something?
If that's what you're after, fine. But you're ultimately screwing over your coworkers and yourself. You can't build real relationships on hypocrisy. Just ask yourself: would you actually want to work for a manager who was being fake with you? Try looking at it from the other side...

Look, plenty of things in this world ought to be illegal or non-existent, yet here we are...

And hypocrites? Well, you need a certain kind of stomach for that. If someone actually possesses the intestinal fortitude to engage in brown-noser tactics, play the hypocrite, and then—to top it all off—toss and turn in bed at night feeling perfectly peaceful and proud of themselves, then honestly, more power to them. But let’s get one thing straight: not everyone is built that way. For some people, trying to suck up to others or put on a fake act would give them a literal ulcer within days. It doesn't matter if we're talking about corporate politics or personal life; you can't just toggle hypocrisy on and off like a light switch. You either have integrity, or you don't. Period.

Thomas Nelson25 said:NLP

Why don't you actually explain what you mean by Neuro-Linguistic Programming to the rest of us since you're bringing it up? Do you actually have some hands-on experience with it, or are you just throwing around buzzwords?

Joseph Fowler33 said:How is it even possible for someone to be truly "pure"? Honestly, I haven't met a single person like that in my entire life.

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy S5 using Reddit

Well, that’s a real shame for you.
I have encountered plenty of truly pure-hearted people, and they are the kind of individuals who approach life with an open heart and a genuine smile—total optimists. Honestly, I find myself thinking about those types of people whenever things get rough for me; I wonder how they would handle the chaos. Even when they hit their own rough patches, they navigate through them with such grace and a positive outlook, without making a massive drama out of everything. To me, those people are absolute idols; they are true role models.😍

Having spent a massive chunk of my career behind a microphone as a radio host, I once had one of those uncontrollable laughing fits right on the air... honestly, the tech crew actually backed away from the console just to give me some space until I could pull myself together.🤣
To this day, I can't even wrap my head around what was so hilarious about it (I was reading through some news regarding the latest political circus in D.C., and the whole thing was just so profoundly moronic that I simply couldn't stop myself).

Karen Richardson3 said:I’ve honestly heard so much nonsense about kids being picked on or bullied just because they don't take religion classes.
Whenever I try to dig deeper and ask who actually went through this, nobody can ever point to a single real-life case or someone they actually know—it’s always just "well, someone told me that someone else said..."

I get that if you live in some tiny rural town where 29 out of 30 kids attend religious studies, that one kid who doesn't might feel like an outsider, but seeing this level of outcry in a big city like Cleveland was honestly pretty shocking to me.

In my opinion, it feels like parents—especially the ones constantly venting on social media 😁—are just making way more of a huge deal out of this than necessary.
Looking back, when I was going through Elementary School in the early 90s, we didn't think it was weird at all that some kids attended and others didn't. It never crossed my mind to make a massive drama over it; for instance, I went to the classes while my absolute best friend didn't, and I never once felt the need to grill her about why she wasn't there. 🤷

This actually happened to my son back in first grade. I shut that behavior down immediately with the help of his teacher, who actually has some common sense and years of experience under her belt.
Even on the walk home, some kids went out of their way to provoke him with stuff like, "God exists, you just don't get it."

So, I made a deal with him. I told him that if anyone ever asks about God, religion, or why he doesn't go to church or Sunday school, he should just say he has no idea and tell them to ask his mom because she’s the one who decided it. That way, the kid is protected; he isn't targeted for making a choice that isn't even his, and the responsibility is placed squarely on my shoulders.

...And honestly? In all these years of schooling, not a single soul has approached me to question why I don't believe or why I don't send my child to religious classes. It’s almost disappointing, frankly.

The 90s weren't any better when it came to this. A few of us didn't participate in religious ed, and we had to deal with the exact same thing: explaining ourselves, defending our lack of belief against people insisting "God exists," and all that other mindless drivel... though personally, it never really got under my skin.

Oh, and since I have a boyfriend—and men often feel the need to prove themselves physically—I actually signed him up for Krav Maga and rugby (a bit of a heavy category for him). I just want to make sure he knows how to defend himself if things ever escalate to that level I constantly worry about....

Ethan Scott2 said:I feel like I’m just dropping in out of nowhere here... but I’ve run into a bit of a situation; my first grader is the only kid in the whole class who isn't attending religious education classes (there were two others initially, but they changed their minds right at the start and joined the group, so now he's the odd one out)... so he just sits out in the hallway during those periods drawing or whatever he feels like doing... I mentioned to the teacher that it really bothers me having him out in the hall without any real supervision while class is in session, and she just brushed it off, saying she checks on him a few times and that since he's right by the teachers' lounge, the principal and all the other faculty are basically right there... I tried pointing out that if something were to actually happen to him... well, we all know how quickly things can go sideways, right?... So, what can I actually do about this... the library hours don't line up with the religious ed schedule at all... who am I supposed to talk to, and is there even any way to change how this is being handled?

As a parent, I would find this situation absolutely unacceptable.
My own child was also the only one in first grade not attending religion class. Nowadays there are more, but the teacher arranged the schedule so that religion class always falls during either the first or the last period.
Seriously, leaving a child in a hallway? No, that is simply not normal, nor is it permissible. If I were in your shoes, I would be breathing down their necks until they fixed this. Contact the principal, put it in writing, reach out to the Department of Education, call Protagoras, write to the Children's Ombudsman, even contact the media (do everything in writing, signed, with return receipts). Keep pushing until your child is properly accommodated within that school. That child, just like every other student, has a right to an education. And sitting in a hallway is not an education!

Look, give it a shot. I honestly have no clue where you're located right now, so it's hard to give you a specific recommendation. If you happen to be down in Miami, or even just hanging around the area, I know a few places you could reach out to. However, if you’re based in Washington, D.C.—well, lucky you, because that's where all the real opportunities are—you'll have no trouble finding the right person for the job. Generally speaking, if you want a solid recommendation, just go through this topic.

Look, I get why you have such a massive grudge against the profession. Believe me, I do. But let’s be clear: we aren't talking about some "prophetic Milani" types or street-corner charlatans. Of course, in any field—whether it's medicine, law, or even plumbing—you're going to find people who are completely unfit for the job and end up doing a subpar job because of it. But there are massive differences between the hacks and the professionals.
First off, I assumed you were planning to see a psychotherapist—and it doesn't matter if they hold a psychology degree or a medical license. We are talking about someone who, after finishing their university degree, put in an additional five years of rigorous, specialized training just to become a therapist. And trust me, they don't just let anyone in. They don't accept people who lack the capacity for this work. I personally know a doctor, a neurologist, who tried to undergo psychotherapy training and couldn't make it through even a single year. He was simply barred from practicing because he wasn't ready.

Alright, I know that's a lot of information to digest, but my point is simple: being a psychotherapist isn't something you just stumble into, and we aren't dealing with frauds here. A competent therapist will actually understand what you're going through.

As for that tragic case where someone took their own life due to a misdiagnosis... I'm not going to dwell on that. We don't have the full story or the clinical details to make a fair judgment.

If I were in your shoes—and I say this strictly for your own sake—I would try to push past this intense aversion you have toward the field. From everything I can see, you could really benefit from professional help. Given your current situation, it feels like you don't have many options left. Just give it a shot. If therapy doesn't work, you can always walk away.

crimsonharbor72, have you ever considered seeing a therapist?

crimsonharbor72 said:I honestly don't know how to live or function like a "normal" person anymore. It isn't that I lack the desire to try; it’s simply that I find myself unable to...

Ever since I was about six or seven years old, I have been navigating one traumatic event after another—there was almost never a reprieve.
Until I was eleven, I was going through things that I didn't even realize at the time would leave such a lasting, negative mark on my psyche. By fifteen, I was struggling to fight my own battles alone, and that was when I truly began to sink. That was when the suicidal ideation started. Fortunately, I never acted on it; the furthest I ever went was scratching myself until I bled or hitting my head against a wall—or using my fists against my legs with everything I had—whenever I felt too "full," as if I desperately needed to purge that internal rage somewhere. During ages sixteen, seventeen, and eighteen, things grew darker, though there were fleeting moments of hope where I felt I might finally be turning a corner.
Then came my twentieth year. For once, I felt like I was finally finding my footing. I could actually say, for the first time in what felt like an eternity, that I was genuinely, truly happy. And then, everything collapsed because of a series of events that followed.
I won't dwell on the details here, as I have no desire to reopen that particular wound on a public forum, but I will simply say it involved death—the kind of loss involving circumstances that most people will never have to face in their entire lives.

After all of that, I just can't go on like this.
It isn't that I want to die; it's that I have no appetite for living. I have no drive to do anything, no urge to step outside or socialize. I would much rather remain in total isolation, which, if I'm being honest, feels like the best option right now. I have endured a lifetime's worth of hardships that most people couldn't imagine in their worst nightmares. I feel utterly depleted, exhausted, and I see no point in trying to "fix" myself when I am under the constant impression that something else catastrophic is just waiting around the corner. That seems to be the pattern of my life.

I don't think I fit the typical definition of depression, because I can still get out of bed, clean my apartment, and handle my responsibilities when they need doing—mostly because I actually value myself. But it's as if I've lost all affection for 99% of the population. I have zero interest in leaving my home, so why bother? I have no patience for small talk or listening to people complain about trivialities, like a mid-term exam at a state university, especially considering the scale of the things I have survived. To me, those aren't problems. I don't even want to run into acquaintances on the street and exchange pleasantries. I just want to exist without any human interaction, save for perhaps two or three specific people.

I don't want to end my life, because I shouldn't. There are a few people in this world who haven't earned that kind of grief, and I refuse to inflict that level of pain on them, knowing firsthand exactly how devastating it is. If my circumstances were different, perhaps I would be giving more serious thought to it.

What I want to know is: how does one move forward? How does one force themselves back into the "normal" world and function properly? Because for me, the motivation isn't there. I can't do it. In fact, I recoil from the very idea.
In a perfect world, I would simply disappear into some remote forest far away from civilization and live out the rest of my days in silence...

I wouldn't go that far...

I just don't know how to live or function like a normal person anymore. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that I can’t...

After everything I've been through, I simply cannot keep going like this.
I have zero desire to live, zero motivation to do anything, and absolutely no will to step foot outside or socialize. Honestly, I'd much rather stay isolated by myself because that's where I feel most comfortable. I have dealt with a hundred different disasters in my life that most people couldn't even imagine experiencing, and frankly, I am exhausted. I'm worn out, and I see absolutely no point in trying to pull myself together when I’m convinced that something else terrible is just waiting around the corner—because that seems to be the pattern of my life.

Look, I'm not claiming you have some official medical diagnosis, but based on what you're describing, I firmly believe you should seek professional help.
When people hit a wall and can't move forward on their own, when they're struggling to reconcile with the things that have happened to them, they sometimes just need a real conversation—one that gets to the core of the issue and helps them find a way to actually move in the right direction.

George Cook said:Exactly. There is. And it makes me hesitant to even take a pill.
Though it might be better to just take a sedative once in a while, if only to avoid the fear of becoming dependent on them.

Which specific reaction are you referring to?

Yes, precisely.
But I am thinking it would be wise to consult several psychiatrists and therapists.
Just to see their individual perspectives.
After all, one doctor might offer one diagnosis, while another offers something entirely different.

I was referring to the period when you were heavily involved in political activism and dealing with that specific kind of high-pressure stress.

Honestly, you shouldn't be nearly as terrified of the medication as you are. These aren't things that trigger an overnight addiction. Besides, if they’ve been prescribed by a legitimate psychiatrist, there shouldn't be any issues at all—neither with starting them nor tapering off. I’ve gone through the process of coming off meds several times myself, and as long as you follow your doctor's instructions to the letter, everything turns out fine without side effects.
Just so we're clear, AD doesn't cause dependency; that's what happens with anxiolytics (those fast-acting sedative pills like Xanax or Valium...).

And regarding those psychiatrists... if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't go on some endless pilgrimage trying to see if different doctors' diagnoses align perfectly. You aren't your diagnosis; it's just a label used by clinicians to help navigate treatment.
I actually know several excellent therapists in the States, but unfortunately, they all work in private practice. From the professionals I've encountered working in public hospitals—it's just not the same. It isn't necessarily that the doctors themselves are bad, it's simply that you can't get proper patient care there because they are completely hamstrung by insurance regulations and limited time slots. They just can't sit with a client for as long as a private practitioner can.

George Cook said:I’m doing okay now. Once my political activism stopped being my main focus, the psychosis and paranoia began to recede.
I started breathing easy again and taking walks.
That psychotic episode lasted about a year or two.
Physically, I had completely let myself go. I was self-harming (dealing with dermatillomania and trichotillomania—which I still struggle with today).
When the suicidal ideation became intense, I realized I couldn't fight it alone.
-I haven't told anyone this. But I did talk about the abuse and bullying I faced during my childhood (a family member used to beat me and threatened my life; it almost turned fatal). I also opened up about the hair pulling and the suicidal thoughts, how terrified I am of the future, and my financial struggles. I told her I didn't want to die; I just wanted to blow these thoughts away. She just stared at me in shock and referred me to a psychiatrist. He prescribed Xanax for anxiety and some other issue, then told me to get a referral for psychological testing. I was terrified of the testing.
In daily life, I function fine. I’ve started wearing makeup again. I no longer live in a toxic environment.
To an outsider, you would never guess what I went through.
I am a good, intelligent, and quite resourceful person. Independent.
All of this taught me that I need to make myself my own highest priority.
It’s just me and my mother. And she’s struggling with depression and is completely overwhelmed. I’m planning to complete the psych testing, pay for a therapist, start exercising, and fix my diet.
My mom was hospitalized in a psychiatric ward before I was even born. It was for a month because she had a hysterical episode and was talking incoherently. She was given Leponex.
Once, when I was sixteen, she tried to jump through a window right in front of me.
We are both struggling.
I’m not a danger to anyone; I just feel directionless.
I want the freedom of a bird.
But I want to direct myself toward a goal and stick to it.
I don't want to be tapping in the dark. I lack support. I know what I want; I just need someone to listen and stand by me.
It is devastating to carry the weight of past abuse and feel like it doesn't matter.
Like it's ancient history. Like nobody cares.
Perhaps my psychotic obsession with changing the world was just a form of rebellion against a broken childhood that I had no power to change.

So, you've got a clear history of mental health struggles running in your family. Honestly, it isn't even surprising that you reacted the way you did under all that intense pressure. It is genuinely good that you are actively considering making changes and that you still maintain some level of self-esteem. Most importantly, make sure you find a solid therapist to work with... just whatever you do, don't quit. This isn't a path that offers quick fixes, but I promise you, the effort pays off in the end.🙂

Listen, I’ve read through everything you wrote... but you completely glossed over one crucial detail: did you actually reach out to a psychiatrist? Look, I get it—stress can absolutely wreck a person. It can push someone so far past their breaking point that it genuinely alters your mental state, leading to auditory or visual hallucinations, or sudden behavioral shifts that are totally out of character. There are even phases where these episodes either stabilize or flare up again unexpectedly. But regardless of the cause, you—or someone in your family—needs to have a professional on speed dial if this starts happening again.

Look, I’ll be honest: there are certain people in my life I genuinely wish I could see more often, but the simple reality is that our schedules just never seem to align. It’s perfectly normal that at this stage of our lives, we aren't constantly hitting each other up to hang out every single day, but I still feel a real sense of regret about those connections that fade simply because we can't find the time... everyone is busy raising kids, everyone is scattered across different states, we aren't living in the same cities anymore, and so on...

Then, on the flip side, there are those people for whom I am constantly digging up excuses as to why we can't meet up. And honestly, it isn't even necessarily their fault—it’s just that they always show up with their kids or their husbands in tow. For heaven's sake, I want to actually sit down and have a conversation with *you*, not spend the whole time listening to updates on whether your toddler burped or what color their diaper is. And quite frankly, I have zero interest in socializing with your husband either; he’s just exhausting and incredibly tedious to be around...

For me and my old crew, those intense, constant hangouts pretty much evaporated the second we finished college.
Most of us eventually drifted toward different corners of the country or even moved abroad, making it physically impossible to maintain that level of daily interaction.

That said, I still hold onto a handful of incredibly close friends. Some have been in my life for over thirty years, while others have been there for at least a decade. We can go ages without seeing each other—sometimes a year or even two passes by—but the moment we finally sit down together, it’s like no time has passed at all. We pick up right where we left off, talking as if we were hanging out every single day. These are the people I consider true, ride-or-die friends, and I feel genuinely lucky that they remain a constant part of my life. Most importantly, I know that if I ever need to pick up the phone and ask for help, they’ll be there for me, just as I would be for them. These are the kinds of bonds that refuse to break regardless of how many miles lie between us, and honestly, I couldn't be more grateful for that.