Laura Williams73 said:Dear driftingbear29, excuse the bluntness, but it’s actually quite sweet when someone who doesn't even know you offers such kind words of comfort. First off, if you ever decide to reach out again, there's no need for all that formal "sir" business; regardless of age, I still feel young at heart. I love Rock, Punk, Metal, Disco, and anything with a decent beat, though I haven't even turned my speakers on in months. I actually picked up the latest Slayer album we spent three years waiting for, but just like the last 2,000 records I've bought, it's just sitting on the shelf unplayed. I know losing a grandmother, grandfather, father, or mother is hard, but you eventually have to accept it as the natural order of things. My wife was born in 1960, making her over six years younger than me, so I was quietly hoping I’d be the one to go first. We have a son who isn't married yet and is currently living with us. Still, the void is massive; sometimes in the morning, one of us will brew some black coffee and set three mugs on the table before realizing what we've done. As for pets, I have a beautiful black cat named Ljubica tatin, but ever since this illness hit, she's been acting completely erratic. She refuses to walk on the floor, instead leaping from chair to chair and onto the cabinets, and now she sleeps right on the kitchen table. She wouldn't even use her two litter boxes, so we ended up rigging up a makeshift one on two stools in the kitchen just so she'd stop using the sink. It's ruined the kitchen, but we don't cook anymore anyway. We basically live out of our rooms, surviving on takeout and just drifting through life. Regarding eternal life, neither my wife nor I belong in those spiritual realms, so I’d trade a thousand years of eternity just for one more year on this earth. Don't worry about the medication; it's not an extreme dose, just 3mg of Normabel three times a day, but without it, sleep is impossible. Even then, I'm only getting four or five hours a night. Between the cat's madness and our own drama, things are pretty chaotic. Thanks for understanding. (V)
Great... 🙂 That’s really good to hear. It suggests there's still a sense of optimism in the air, which is exactly what we need right now, especially given how tough things have become... 🙂
I love Rock, Punk, Metal, Disco—basically anything with a solid beat. I even picked up the latest Slayer album the other day after we’d been waiting three years for them to finally drop it. But honestly? Much like the other 2,000 albums I own, it'll probably just sit on my shelf without ever being played...
Look, I really don't think this is the right way to go about things. It just isn't healthy. Society imposes these unspoken rules on us—like the idea that you have to wear black or act completely listless just because you're grieving. I won't get too deep into the weeds here, but when my father passed away suddenly seven months ago, what actually helped me move forward was listening to music and refusing to dress in mourning clothes. Grief shouldn't be measured by how much you restrict yourself. You wouldn't believe it, but two of my close friends lost their fathers as well. It happened within three, two, and even three months of each other. We spent so much time talking through it, and we all reached the same conclusion: forcing yourself into these rituals doesn't help anyone. It only pulls you backward... especially when you start cutting yourself off from the very things that used to bring you joy... 😍
If you feel the need to listen to music, go for it. Honestly, it’s more than that. Music has this way of helping you finally let those emotions out. Whether you end up crying or just sitting with the sadness... it helps. It really does. I don't care what anyone else thinks about it. Everyone processes their own pain in their own unique way... 🙂
We have our son living at home with us since he hasn't married yet. Even so, there’s this profound sense of emptiness that lingers... For instance, one morning one of us will brew a pot of black coffee, set three mugs on the table, and only then does it hit us what we've actually done...
I get where you're coming from, but honestly, that’s just standard. If it makes you feel any better, you aren't losing your mind... 😁
So, this past summer, I was dealing with some paperwork and found myself reflexively reaching for the phone to call my dad. It had been two months since he passed away... it was just an unconscious habit. But that hasn't happened lately...
How much is that...
It’s just crazy...It seems like you might have hit send a little too early... I wasn't quite sure what you were asking there. If you have a question or just want to start a conversation, feel free to let me know... I'm all ears... 🙂
That’s how we ended up without a kitchen, though honestly, we haven't been cooking much anyway. We're basically just living out of our rooms, surviving on whatever fast food we can grab... just drifting through life like that...
If there is one thing I would strongly suggest, it’s changing up this lifestyle entirely!
I’m not sure what the dynamic is between you two. Whether things are good or just difficult, this kind of living situation can either drive a wedge between you or actually pull you closer 🙂
I get that most guys aren't exactly the emotional type, but there's no shame in saying, "I'm struggling, would you want to watch the evening news with me, or maybe go for a walk?" Anything works. There are endless options. Of course, you need your alone time, but family is everything, especially when it's just the two of you left. Lean on each other to make things easier.
It’s going to be tough, but please don't stop talking or lose your sense of humor. Laugh. It might be the only thing that helps both of you through this. I remember telling my closest friends that I didn't want them walking on eggshells around me. After my dad passed, the last thing I needed was that hollow "it'll get better" kind of sympathy. What actually pulled me out of that initial apathy and numbness was the fact that they kept acting like themselves. It wasn't that they lacked empathy for my pain; it was that they kept living...
When it comes to eternal life, neither of us is exactly in those spheres, so I’d trade a thousand years of eternity just for one more year here on Earth.
Man, who wouldn't! 🙂
I don't know, I have to say that I don't view death as an end. I know that sounds strange, but I still feel close to my dad, even if he isn't physically here anymore, and I think that belief helps me. I truly believe it's vital to find something to hold onto. Something to pull you through the hard times that are inevitably coming...
No matter how many losses we face, each one hits us all over again. Personally, videos like these helped me a lot, even though I already knew all this intellectually. When you're actually in the middle of it, these things feel like a lifeline. Everything you hear feels like a saving grace, giving you hope that moving forward is actually possible.
Well,
here 😘A senior center. A book club. The local library. Even just crying... whatever it takes. Don't sit around waiting for someone else to come to you; try to strike a balance between a healthy amount of solitude and being social. And one more thing. Thinking about my dad helped me. Reminding myself every day that he’s gone... I treated it almost like a challenge. You have to accept death, but not by waiting five or six years for the dust to settle. You have to be proactive. As optimistic as that sounds, it makes sense...