Posts by quietpilot87

hello, quick question here.
He just finished preventative cranial radiation, and even though every article out there claims the side effects should be mild, it seems like this treatment hit him way harder than all his previous chemo sessions combined. He’s completely wiped out—exhausted—and needs a transfusion to get his blood counts back up. It’s been two months since the radiation ended, but the fatigue isn't letting up. Roughly how long does it take for the body to bounce back from something like this? thank you so much.

Christian Wells3 said:Hey, hope this PDF works okay.

If not, feel free to move it.

My question is: How can I be a good person without getting walked all over? People have taken advantage of my kindness and naivety way too many times.

The last time it happened was just a few months ago.

I was living in a small rental apartment. There was this older janitor in the building (he had some special needs). He was a great guy, seriously, he always helped me out, wasn't making much money, and lived in this run-down little shack. Anyway, I suddenly had a death in the family and ended up moving into a much bigger place. Since the old place was furnished, I told my former landlord he could give my stuff (TV, fridge, bed) to the janitor.

A few days ago, I called my old landlord because a coworker needed a place to crash for a couple of nights. Not only did he charge her an insane amount ( $333 for just 3 days, when I used to pay $200 plus utilities), but he actually sold all my stuff and didn't give a single thing to the janitor...

There have been plenty of other times where I've been used and ripped off.

What I want to know is, how do you carry yourself in life so things like this don't happen? I'm the type of person who would give someone the shirt off my back to help them through a hard time, but I almost always end up getting played.

Sent from my Huawei P30 using Reddit

Honestly, it's pretty simple: assume people aren't good. Because, let's be real, they aren't. 😁 The Majority will take advantage of you at the first sign of opportunity. Just like they would anyone else. That's basically human nature in most cases—sure, there are exceptions.

If you want to be better than that, that's awesome and all credit to you, but you can't be naive and assume everyone is wired like you are, because they aren't. People confuse being kind with being gullible, but those two things aren't even close.

If you had assumed there was a chance your landlord might screw you over (which, let's face it, is a realistic assumption), you would have organized things so you personally made sure the janitor got your stuff right before you moved out. Were you a good person? Yeah. Did you get screwed? Bogam, you didn't. 😁

Jamie Adams6 said:Look, this whole idea of "being good" was never meant to be some kind of long-term investment strategy. It’s not like being good itself carries any weight, nor does being "bad" mean you're destined to lose out. You're just who you are—and honestly? The only real payoff should be being able to live with yourself in peace. At the end of the day, your character is just your second skin, nothing more.

As far as I'm concerned—especially looking at that first example—you weren't being "good," you were just being naive. Now you're trying to pin the blame on someone else because you couldn't be bothered to step up when someone actually needed help. You cared, sure, but let's be real: Friday night was out on the town, Saturday was spent watching FC Barcelona, and by Sunday, you were already onto the next thing... until all your excuses ran out and everything you planned just went south. That guy is responsible for selling your stuff, yeah, but he isn't responsible for the fact that you just left the whole situation to chance.

I agree. Being good sometimes requires extra effort; it's just that simple. We don't live among teddy bears; we live among wolves.

How much vision do you actually have left in that other eye? And realistically, could you pick up a skill like coding and pull off some remote work?

Sarah King25 said:Thanks, you too. 🙂

Easy to say, but there’s always that one question just hanging there in the air...

That's just how it goes with cancer. There are always going to be question marks hanging over everything. If someone decides to pass on chemo, you start spiraling with the same questions you're asking now—just sitting there dreading the day things take a turn for the worst. And yeah, you’ll constantly wonder if there was another way, if you could've done something differently to get a better result. It's natural to go there. It's part of the grind.
If someone decides to go through with chemo, you’re immediately staring down a whole new set of headaches. Will it actually work, or just backfire? Will it do what it did for my mother—shrink a massive tumor down to something almost invisible, making you think she was basically cured, only for metastases to come crashing back in six months later? Then there's the physical toll. How is her body going to handle the hit? Will she even be able to tolerate it? Look, it’s definitely easier to feel like you're actually fighting back when you have a plan in place, but chemo brings its own brand of terror. Cancer is just one of those brutal diseases—it’s hell for the patient and a nightmare for everyone around them, mostly because, historically, the word "cancer" has always been synonymous with the end of the road. On the flip side, medical tech has come a long way lately. And then, of course, there’s that unpredictable factor—people who defy every single statistic, surviving much longer than expected or even reaching full remission. Whether they go the chemo route or not, sometimes life just throws you a curveball.

From what I’ve learned, the most important thing during this whole fight is keeping your head up and staying mentally resilient—not letting yourself sink. In that regard, I get where your dad is coming from. It doesn't sound stupid at all to say he views ignorance as a lifeline; honestly, I totally get it.
Look, I get it—it’s rough for all of you. But honestly? He’s the one carrying the heaviest load right now. He’s doing exactly what he thinks will lift his spirits and help him navigate this mess—even if it doesn't look like much to anyone else. As a family, there isn't much left to do besides just standing by him, no matter how draining it gets. At the end of the day, that's just what being human is about—showing up and giving what you can when things hit the fan.

Eric Newman75 said:Paul Campbell3, I wouldn't go against that faith if I were you. At the Mayo Clinic, they basically tell you that treating the mind is just as important as treating the body.

This is what the oncologist told my parents.

Eric Newman75 said:That’s exactly why doctors usually won't give you a straight prognosis. They've seen it all—the miracles and the absolute train wrecks. They know better than to bet on a outcome when they've witnessed everything from total recoveries to the worst-case scenarios. 🙂

I'm with you on that. And honestly? It’s the truth. I know an oncologist who tells stories about patients hanging on for ten years—dealing with a diagnosis where most people don't even make it past eighteen months. If you actually hit the three or four-year mark, you're basically hitting the jackpot. We're fragile creatures, sure, but sometimes people are terrifyingly resilient. There's no way for anyone to predict that kind of strength ahead of time.

Paul Campbell3, hang in there!

Regarding his decision—look, there’s really nothing you can do to change it, other than giving him the support he needs right now.

Dana Martin87 said:My dad passed away this Wednesday. He fought colon cancer for four full years. By the time they caught it, it was already too late to cure him. Still—over those four years, he stayed pretty fit; he could walk several miles a day, and he didn't let the cancer pain slow him down much. He went through a few major surgeries during that time, and while recovery was rough, he’d be back on his feet and doing his usual routine within a month. Things took a turn for the worse back in February when he developed a stomach ulcer. It almost bled him out. He lost a ton of weight. After they operated on the ulcer, there was a brief window where he bounced back—regained some weight, was active again, driving himself around, doing the grocery shopping... But then he broke out in a rash all over his body. I knew right then things were turning south. Following the rash, at the start of April, the heavy nausea hit. First it was bad diarrhea, then the vomiting started. He had a short hospital stay, then spent a few days getting IV fluids at home from the local clinic. That helped—the vomiting stopped and the nausea settled into something manageable. On the surface, he looked fine, but he told me it was there, even if it wasn't totally debilitating. That lasted a few days before the brutal vomiting returned. Another hospitalization. He actually felt much better in the hospital, started eating again, and they sent him home. But as soon as he got back, the vomiting flared up again, and two days later, he was back in the hospital. He couldn't eat at all anymore. They were keeping him going via IV. He wasn't in pain, though. He stayed in the hospital until the end. The day before we lost him, we were talking, and it was obvious he was rushing through the conversation because talking was becoming such an effort. It was the first time during this whole illness that he seemed a bit disoriented. He called me to give me some guy's phone number—someone I hadn't even asked for. My mom had been looking for that number. He got confused and thought he needed to give it to me instead. Yeah, it was a long, hard fight, but maybe his story can offer some hope to people who get a late diagnosis—it doesn't have to mean you're immediately sentenced to constant pain and being stuck in bed. Aside from that last month in the hospital, Dad was mobile, pain-free, and until that ulcer hit, he still had plenty of strength. He was always a fighter, and he stayed that way until the very end.

I'm so sorry, Dana.

Four years, though... that's a long stretch, even if nothing ever feels like enough. I'm glad he made the most of that time. He sounds like a hell of a fighter. Hats off to him, and to you too.

Angela Wright said:Basically, don't let yourself run through endless "what if" scenarios in your head. Just live day by day, tackle obstacles as they show up, and most importantly—realize this is primarily happening to your dad, not you. Everyone else is just caught in the wake.
That’s the only sane way to handle it. Life is unpredictable, and there aren't any alternative versions of how this plays out.

Thanks a lot—that’s exactly what I’m trying to do. He started chemo, and I help out with the little things whenever I can, but those small things are really what make up a life.
He actually remarried, so he has a partner by his side, which makes things a whole lot easier.

I know exactly what his diagnosis means. Even though his oncologist keeps pressing the idea that people sometimes live much longer than expected, I see the reality of the situation and the actual odds. My dad seems to have accepted it, which is actually a good thing. His only real fear right now is the side effects from the chemo. Or rather, the kind of fear he's vocal about that most people probably just bury deep inside...

And look, I get that life is unpredictable—mentally, I understand all that—but emotionally? It’s a fight. I have these bursts of being super productive, followed by bouts of depression unlike anything I've felt in a long time. Then there are times when I'm either starving myself or just bingeing on everything in sight—another thing I haven't dealt with in ages. My psychiatrist helps a ton, and I'm grateful for her. I'm constantly haunted by thoughts of death and the pointlessness of it all, which is the hardest part. Right now, I'm just trying to claw my way out of that headspace and find some shred of meaning in this existence. I’ll keep fighting, though.

neoncyclist792 said:My dad passed away this past Monday. He was waiting for all of us to arrive so we could be there for him, and then he just stopped breathing—less than two months after the diagnosis. I don't even have the energy to write about the healthcare system or any of that mess...

I'm so sorry 🙂 Hang in there!

Angela Wright said:I went through almost the exact same thing, just with minor differences, which is why I originally started this thread back in 2007.

Me too. It shakes you how similar this is—same cancer, nearly the same stage! And I didn't even have the strength to write about it back then. Now that this is happening to my dad, maybe I'm finally ready to open up that folder regarding my mom.

Rue86, hang in there! 🙂
And just a side note, so much has improved with cancer treatment over the last decade or so.

Eric Newman75 said:That’s why I don’t bother with the stats—I know them all by heart, and frankly, they just weigh you down. I don't dwell on the consequences; they’re grim. When you're fighting cancer, there is no "win-win" scenario—it's all "lose-lose." Either they cut something out that you're going to miss terribly, or they absolutely wreck you with radiation and poison. As soon as those thoughts pop up, I brush them off. My only mantra is that this piece of shit isn't taking me out. So what if everyone else relapses? It won't happen to me—that's just how it works. I'll be the exception; people will write books about it. If I make it to a hundred, they'll have to take me out with a shovel, because I'm not going anywhere. 😁

🙂 🙏 Preach!

Eric Newman75 said:It’s not that she changed, went cold, or pulled away from you. She’s staying quiet to protect you. She stays silent because nobody can truly get it. She keeps it in so it doesn't come crashing down like an avalanche. There's just too much of it to even wrap your head around. The fear, the worry, the pain, the guilt, the bitterness, the rage, the loneliness, the disappointment, the depression, the sadness, the numbness... From sunrise to sunset, you're riding a damn roller coaster and you can't catch your breath for a second. You're terrified of dying. Terrified of dying in agony. Scared of surgery that leaves you disfigured. Scared of radiation. Scared of chemo. Scared for your family. Scared of being a burden. Scared of being seen as a coward. Screw anyone who told you to "just stay positive," like you can just flip a switch. Screw anyone who judges you for it. Screw yourself for feeling like maybe everything is your fault. And screw cancer—you're going to show that bastard who's actually in charge. Screw everyone who gave up on you or wrote you off. And screw this pain that flashes and throbs in your head, making it impossible to think or focus. But you have to. You know you have to, because everything rests on you. As long as you're breathing, there's hope. You won't—you *can't*—give up. You grit your teeth. And you fight, even if it's the last thing you ever do.

This too!

I’ll try to keep this brief.

Ten years ago, my mom passed away from lung adenocarcinoma when she was 60.
Now, I just found out my 68-year-old dad has small cell lung cancer.
Both were pretty heavy smokers for decades. Both quit before the diagnosis—mom a few years prior, dad almost 20 years ago.

My relationship with my dad hasn't been great these last few years—lots of emotional baggage and communication breakdowns. I kept him at a distance, but secretly, I was just glad he was healthy. He’s one of those high-energy, active guys, and I honestly convinced myself he’d live to be a hundred. It gave me some peace of mind. Until now.

Right now, I can't tell if knowing I've been through this once makes it easier or harder. On one hand, there's that "not this again" feeling, but on the other, I'm in a bigger shock than I was when my mom got sick. Back then, I didn't even realize the gravity of what we were dealing with. Now? I've been crying for days and just can't pull myself together. The only silver lining is that I’ve been seeing my psychiatrist for seven years, so I have someone who can prescribe whatever meds I need to stay level.

The worst part is that this overwhelming grief and hopelessness is the absolute worst thing I could do to myself, my dad, and the rest of the family. I know I should be stepping up, being strong, and staying positive, but at the same time, I am terrified of facing this all over again. Of course, I’m going to do everything in my power to be a rock for him because I know how this plays out, but I'm scared for myself. How am I supposed to function? How am I going to run my business? I was actually planning on having a kid soon and maybe moving abroad (my husband works overseas), and I have no clue how to balance any of that right now. I'm falling apart. I'm dying inside. No matter how old you get, you're never truly ready for stuff like this.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

feralscout10 said:Hey everyone, this is my first time actually starting a thread and posting here. I’ve been lurking and following the psych forums for a long time now.

To get to the point, I'm 24, working, and making a pretty decent living. I'm happy enough with my income and can support myself just fine. However, I've never had a girlfriend, let alone any sexual experience—I haven't even kissed anyone yet🙄. I'm not here to vent or complain, though; I've kind of made peace with it and moved on to focusing on other parts of my life.

But here's where things get complicated. I grew up in a pretty conservative household. My parents are deeply religious and have pushed me toward church since I was a kid, trying to make sure I stay a devout believer. Without getting too deep into it, they're really looking forward to having grandkids, and they expect everything that comes with that: a godly wife, a traditional marriage, raising kids with Christian values... that whole thing.

For a year now, I've been lying to them, telling them I have a girlfriend just to avoid the awkwardness, even though the reality is the exact opposite of what I told them. I'm honestly at a loss. As time goes by, the pressure and the questions from them just keep mounting. If I were to tell them the truth about how I feel right now... I think they might actually find it easier to deal with me being an addict than just a regular guy without🤦
.
Does anyone have any advice?

Your parents don't get it—and frankly, they probably never will—that their massive expectations are exactly what's making your life harder and killing any chance of you finding a partner.

You're likely holding yourself back from dating because you know that for them to approve, a girl would have to be a "10" based on their specific checklist: she has to be religious, ready for marriage and kids immediately, no living together before the wedding, etc.

The solution isn't easy or popular, but you basically have to rebel against their expectations regarding your private life. That might mean they won't approve of your choices—they might even try to sabotage things. It won't be smooth sailing. You know this deep down, which is probably why you stay out of the dating scene entirely. You lie to buy yourself a few months of peace, but they don't realize they're actually causing long-term psychological damage.

My advice? Take small steps. Start separating your life from theirs. First off, think about moving out—physical distance changes everything.
And next time they pry, just tell them it's your business. Also, try going out with someone you actually like, even if she's an atheist 😁. Your parents don't need to know. Your relationship should be yours and yours alone.

Andrew Kelly10 said:Hold up on the conclusions—it’s way too early to be asking those kinds of questions... the OP needs to clarify if they're still living under their parents' roof or if they've moved out/are independent... there's a massive difference there... if they're still living at home, they probably don't have the leverage to push back because they're scared of losing their freedom...

Dealing with narrow-minded people is rough... I guess when people don't have enough going on in their own lives, they spend all their time obsessing over yours... and since the church keeps popping up, we're talking fairy tales and delusions here—it's pretty obvious... whether they're listening to Bozanic or Ana Bučević, they're stuck in total ignorance... those types need a radical shift in priorities, but it's hard for one 24-year-old to change an entire culture... honestly, the best move is just to tune them out... once they realize they're just barking at the moon, they'll eventually give up... sooner or later... dogs bark, but the caravan moves on...

Look, they have every right to live how they want, and nobody is obligated to change them—especially not their own kid.

The real challenge is finding a way for the author to actually live their life while somehow managing to coexist with their parents' worldview.

This isn't some rare occurrence either. 😁 You see stories like this on every street corner in America.

Rachel Williams, hang in there! 🙂
Talk to your mom—every single day. Talk, laugh, just soak it up as much as you can 🙂
Show her what an amazing daughter she has, how much she means to you, and remind her of the beautiful life she’s lived—if she’s heading out, make sure she knows all of that 🙂

Honestly, I don't get our medical system. My mom—same lung cancer, years of chronic bronchitis, constant coughing, smoker... she actually had a chest X-ray done for some minor rib issues about a year and a half before the diagnosis, and nobody flagged a thing.
I get how overwhelmed the healthcare system is, and it’s clear they just play by the numbers. Women my mom's age (58) are statistically more likely to deal with other stuff than lung cancer at the moment of diagnosis. And that’s how we ended up at Stage IV.
Regardless, you’re left with this bitterness, looking for someone to blame wherever you can, but at the end of the day, it comes down to what Angela Wright said—the cancer is what decided the outcome, not the doctors. That’s just the reality.

Carl Rivera43 said:I’m the kind of guy who delivers great results when the vibes are right and the atmosphere is relaxed. I’ve been waiting a long time to find a workplace that's mostly positive and laid-back.

Now, look, I get it—some people just aren't into joking around. But seriously, why do some folks feel this desperate need to act like total robots all day?

How do you handle things when over 80% of the crew loves a good laugh, yet you still have to deal with a tiny minority that finds it all a bit much?

You can't force the whole world to match your personality. Just because you are— doesn't mean everyone else has to be.
You've got a solid crew that enjoys the banter; just let the others be whatever they are.

By the way, just an observation—usually, the ones claiming they're "hilarious" while wondering why nobody laughs with them are actually just being total jerks.😁

Alright, got my results back—and turns out I definitely don't have insulin resistance (even with the PCOS!)

Glucose is 5.1, insulin is 7.9.

My insulin resistance index is sitting at 1.2. According to Google, that’s basically nothing... negligible, if you can even call it a thing.

So, for everyone out there assuming you need to jump straight onto metformin just because you have PCOS—think twice. Get your actual labs done first.

Thanks 👍

One more thing—if this stuff hits the liver, is there any chance it causes issues there? (Or even just early warning signs?)

And second, how much sense does it actually make for someone with just mild insulin resistance? (Like, not a full-blown diabetic, which is what you mentioned in your example)

Jacob Sullivan91 said:I mean, personally? I can handle UH like a total pro... but fats? Man, fats absolutely wreck me.

Man, lifting weights without the metformin just wasn't hitting the same... like, I was putting in the work but the results were totally MIA compared to when I was actually on the meds. But honestly? My insulin finally decided to stop playing games and actually started cooperating... finally... 😬

Yeah, we're all wired differently, clearly.
👍
And honestly, I'm not sure about people with really high insulin levels—maybe a higher carb intake actually makes sense for them in that case. Either way, glad you figured out a routine that works.
👍

What velvetmoose9 is getting at—in my experience, just grinding out cardio doesn't move the needle much on weight loss. But the second I started picking up weights, things actually started moving. 👍
(Even if I’m not being super strict with my diet, which isn't really an issue with cardio anyway.)

I had phases where it was nothing but lifting—zero cardio—and those were the times I hit my lowest weight.

As for food, I personally feel way better on low carb. Beans and grains just mess with my gut and leave me feeling wiped out. That said, I’ll still treat myself to a chocolate bar or a sandwich while I'm out hiking.

velvetmoose9—do you know much about how metformin actually works to drop blood sugar?
Because if I’m basically exhausting my muscles with weight training, does that mean I won't need the metformin anymore? Or am I wrong?

It’s all about that sugar-to-insulin ratio—like, if your blood sugar is sitting at 4 but your insulin is hitting 15, you've got way too much insulin for that amount of sugar. You probably already feel that happening.
Doesn't look too bad on my end, though honestly, I wouldn't mind if it were worse—it might mean getting slapped with a small dose of meds. Combined with how I live my life, that little nudge is exactly what I'd need. 🎉
Haven't hit up the endocrinologist for the final word yet, so we'll see what they have to say.

Glad you're feeling better 👍
About the diabetic diet—just remember, you want that blood sugar low, which means keeping the insulin low, too.
Pretty sure no sweets are allowed, even the "diabetic-friendly" kind.
Just throwing out some hints here—maybe a low-carb approach could help speed things up for you. 🙂

Jacob Sullivan91 said:That is literally exactly what my endocrinologist was saying; early on, your blood sugar doesn't spike, but you start feeling all those other symptoms.
I’ve never had high blood sugar in my life—if anything, it's usually been a little low—but my insulin is through the roof and I've been feeling the effects for 2 or 3 years now.

Plus, I don't even have any of the typical metabolic syndrome symptoms that everyone usually links back to insulin resistance.

My insulin came back at an 8 (ref. 2.6-30). Sugar is 5.1. Doesn't seem high to me. What are yours looking like?
Man, I wish they'd just hand me something to speed things up and get my life back on track, but I've got a feeling that's not happening anytime soon. 😁

I’ve heard they prescribe it if you’re actually trying to get pregnant. I haven't really hit that stage of life yet 😁

It might just be how our healthcare system works here. From what I gather, over in the States, doctors tend to throw metformin at you even if you aren't looking to have kids. But hey, it doesn't work for everyone—been there, done that.

Did they run insulin resistance tests first, or did they just hand it to you on sight?
EDIT; my bad, just saw you already had the testing done 😁

Susan Martin4 said:I don't think anyone would actually suggest metformin as a weight loss drug for PCOS. My OBGYN first put me on it back when I was seeing specialists at Mayo Clinic, and then my primary care doctor prescribed it after I had my baby—but strictly because my labs showed insulin resistance and irregular cycles. Basically, both my endocrinologist and the specialists at Mayo Clinic recommended Glucophage.
It didn't exactly help me drop any pounds, but at least I started ovulating and getting more regular cycles.

I was diagnosed with PCOS nearly 19 years ago. In all that time, nobody ever even mentioned metformin, let alone tested me for insulin resistance—my fasting blood sugar was always perfectly fine.

Makes sense, though—they never gave me anything to manage blood sugar in the first place.
Looking at my labs, it seems like my PCOS is adrenal-based; my LH and FSH levels sit right around 1:1. It’s possible the whole thing isn't even tied to insulin, but I'm digging into the details now to find out.

Bottom line: there are maybe 4 or 5 different types of PCOS, and they aren't all driven by insulin. There's a real chance metformin won't do squat for some people—honestly, you can find endless stories online about women taking it without seeing any results at all.
http://www.acubalance.ca/blog/which-pcos-type-are-you

Quick question—can I get this pulled out at any hospital in New York City? Thanks.

Kimberly Wright said:Yeah, something like that. 😁

It’ll happen here eventually. One of these days.
Remember when everyone was making jokes about 24-hour gyms? Just wait.

Actually, I heard one just opened up near Central Park.

But honestly, the concept is solid—I hit one of those in Oslo once. You head out at 10 PM thinking you'll be the only soul there, and nope—half the gym is packed. You walk outside at midnight and it still feels like daytime. 🤣

Great for anyone dealing with insomnia, I guess. 😁

Kimberly Wright said:Bringing up the lady at the front desk again—we're totally off-topic now. If we assume someone hits the gym three times a week, childcare for a single week ends up costing barely more than a monthly membership. It basically doubles the usual price. Still seems like a reasonable trade-off to me.

Childcare isn't cheap, obviously, not with how things are priced here.
Though, if it comes down to it, I probably won't have much of a choice anyway. 😁

The alternative is waiting until the kid starts preschool—then you drop them off early before work or pick them up late after, squeezing a workout in the middle. 🤷
Until then, you just scrape by with home workouts.