It isn't even about the breakup; it’s just that, honestly, anyone with half a brain wouldn't start a relationship with an addict, let alone fall in love with one. I know they say love is blind, but sometimes it’s just plain foolish. No offense intended. The surrender part... 😵 I would never put myself in a position like that. If I had a girlfriend dealing with a serious illness or other life struggles—of course I would fight for her, support her, and stay by her side when she needs me. But please, don't try to tell me addiction is just another "illness." Sure, I agree it is, but it's a "disease" I want absolutely nothing to do with. Keep it far away from me. To be blunt, I view addicts as having less integrity. It sounds harsh and ugly, but that's how I feel. I have no interest in hearing laments about their difficult upbringing, unloving parents, or the bad crowd they fell in with. Those are all just excuses... Anyway, let's lower the tension a bit... you didn't answer my question regarding the quality of your relationship?
Kenneth Brooks9 said:It’s not some "syndrome." When you actually, genuinely love someone, this stuff just happens—it's automatic. Thank God most of you have never been stuck in the exact situation I’m in right now, because, honestly? I wouldn't wish it on anyone... It's painful, it's exhausting, and I don't *want* to be doing this, but my heart—and whatever shred of humanity I have left—keeps pulling me toward helping this guy. I just have this feeling he can pull through... Whatever happens, this is his absolute last shot. I really hope he takes it and makes the most of it, because, man, I am falling apart inside here... If we blow it this time, I'll know I did everything humanly possible....
If I may ask, how did you even end up in a relationship with an addict? 🤔
And that "syndrome" definitely exists... the love is just a consequence, not the cause.
It’s a textbook case of someone trying to play the "savior" and force everyone onto the right path... those types always end up getting burned, but it's inevitable...
No one is standing by him 😢, he's been completely abandoned :_(, it's honestly heartbreaking... she hasn't realized that there are probably very heavy reasons why everyone walked away from him in the first place... 😵
There is also one more thing I would find interesting to explore regarding the "quality of connection" I mentioned earlier. What is it actually like to be in a relationship with an addict?
To be honest, I have some personal experience with this because a few people I once considered part of my inner circle ended up falling into drug use... and even a guy I was quite close with got pulled into that lifestyle. Truthfully, all of them eventually drifted away from their old circles to hang out with people just like themselves—other addicts—and at that point, I had already written them off. You can't even grab a simple coffee with someone struggling with addiction, let alone anything else... though I did cut ties with everyone who started using, I still run into some of them occasionally. We might exchange a few words in passing, and I even went out for coffee once with someone I used to be close to... though looking back, I probably shouldn't have 😢... I realized they simply aren't the same people anymore, and I have no desire to be involved with them. Their world is just not my world.
Anyway, that’s just my perspective and my own experience... and while I know not every addict is the same, I am genuinely curious: what is it really like to be in a relationship with someone like that?
Everyone deserves a second chance, even a third 😁 but if I'm reading this correctly, he's already burned through his first two... honestly, it is incredibly easy for him to blow that third one too... and then what? Eventually, you'll realize you've wasted years of your life on an addict... Will he return to drugs if you leave him? That isn't really the question... the real question is whether he will actually quit drugs if you stay by his side. If you are certain he will... go for it 👍 but if you aren't—and it seems like you aren't—it’s better to walk away now. As for what happens next... if he has any sense at all, he'll get clean. If he doesn't, then it won't matter whether you're there or not... it's the hallmark of a weakling to escape their problems by retreating into some other "reality" 😵... though, in my opinion, all addicts are weaklings. 🤷
You have to understand that fighting this is a long, grueling, uncertain battle with slim odds of success... Are you prepared for that risk? You've been together for three years now... I can't even imagine the quality of your relationship, but I doubt it's exactly thriving. In my view, he needs a dose of shock therapy. Leave him and tell him to reach out once he's sober... and if he doesn't 👋... maybe that will be the wake-up call he needs. Put him in a position where he has to choose: the drugs or you. Let's see what he picks.
Nicholas Walker3 said:To be honest, the book and the movie don't really feel alike to me—I mean, sure, the main premise is there—but those scenes by Francis Ford Coppola in the film just blow me away... even though this is one of the few books I’ve actually finished, I still find the movie way, way more enjoyable. For me, film usually wins because you get the visuals and the soundscape together, whereas when I'm reading, the "sounds" in my head just kind of fall apart—and the mental images can be pretty lackluster (:
Apokalipsa is one of my favorite films, and Heart of Darkness is one of my favorite books, but truthfully... if I hadn't known the movie was based on the book, I doubt I would have ever realized 😬 that on my own...
ruggedfox28 As specified by Henry Lee84: I can't even begin to wrap my head around what they've done. David Fincher i Morgan Freeman They’ve decided to scrap the film adaptation of Arthur C. Clarke's Rendezvous with Rama. Arthur C. Clarke - Rendezvous with Rama
I've been following this project for quite some time, primarily because I'm such a huge fan of David Fincher. It’s also my favorite genre... things seemed to hit a standstill for a while, but there has definitely been some movement again.
In the end, Morgan Freeman was involved in a serious car accident about a year ago. It forced him to pull out of several "questionable" projects, including this one.
Apparently, there were significant issues with the screenplay as well, given how difficult it was to adapt for the screen.
That's a shame.
Exactly... honestly, I can't even begin to imagine how that work could be adapted into a film. Then again, I’m no screenwriter, so it’s hardly surprising I'm drawing a blank. 🤣
True, discrimination can be defined in so many ways... it really just depends on your perspective and whether you fall into a specific "marginalized" group. But I'm actually curious about something else: would you ever consider dating someone struggling with addiction? Unfortunately, there are plenty of 😢 around us, and the potential risks of being involved with someone in that situation are likely even greater than being with someone suffering from a mental illness...
hiddenhawk3 As expressed by: So, you think you can spot an addict from a mile away? 😉 Do you have a radar? 😁
And what about the smokers? 🤷 And that is what addiction looks like. 😁 Some people just have an endless craving for adrenaline, intimacy, or even chocolate. 😉 Masochists and sadists. 🤷 Sponsors / Sponsorships Women who choose not to have children.
Please, let’s not resort to generalizations or try to diminish the point by making it relative. 😁 In such a foolish manner.
I can spot an addict from a mile away. You clearly cannot. 😕 Then you clearly haven't encountered an addict or an alcoholic before.
And what connection do "they" actually have to the categories you listed below?
When you say you could never be with someone who is a killer or a rapist, I find myself wondering about those who commit much smaller offenses. What about the people who steal loose change from a cash register, the ones who jaywalk against a red light, or the folks who lie to a police officer about having only had two beers? 😁"... you see the 'logic' in that." 😵
That’s a fair question... especially considering the whole "discrimination" debate. Let's look at it. I wouldn't date someone struggling with drug addiction or alcoholism—there is just no way. I'm sorry, but I feel that way. To me, those issues carry much more weight than mental illness. A person suffering from a mental health condition isn't responsible for what they're going through, whereas people dealing with addiction are making choices. I don't think anyone in this day and age can claim they "didn't know what they were getting into." 😕 If a girl occasionally makes a mistake or messes up a little 😁... I see that as being on par with having a drink every now and then like everyone else does. 😁
Schizophrenia is hereditary... the more cases there are in your immediate family, the higher the odds. If both your mother and an uncle have it... well, you're essentially dealt a bad hand. Fair enough... I figured that specific example might get under your skin. Maybe I should have just kept it general instead of getting so specific 🙂
Look, please... because of my parents' profession, I've personally seen more people dealing with mental illness than probably 99% of the people posting on this forum. As I mentioned before, quite a few patients—or even their immediate family members—have actually become close family friends over the years. Because of that, my household tends to speak about mental health issues with openness rather than negativity, but it’s precisely because I've witnessed so much firsthand that I hold these views. With all due respect, someone who has only encountered mental illness through books, or perhaps just has a neighbor like Mary living three floors up with schizophrenia (and I suspect there are plenty of people like that on this thread), simply cannot understand what it's really like...
I'm not claiming to be some top-tier expert—far from it—but I have certainly seen certain things with my own eyes. Plus, one good friend of mine struggled with schizophrenia, another dealt with anxiety and depression, and a female friend lived with bipolar disorder... how many of you actually have that kind of "firsthand" 😁 experience? And that's not even counting our various family friends...
I don't find it particularly surprising that people are reacting this way... there are all sorts of personalities out there. Some might be personally involved with someone like this, while others might be struggling with their own mental health issues that make this topic hit close to home. Then you have the hopeless romantics who still believe love can conquer anything (I used to believe that myself, though I've grown out of it 😁), those just trying to make an impression, and those who simply follow the crowd. It goes on and on.
A hundred different people means a hundred different perspectives.
Matthew Morales17 said:And you know what’s actually the most ridiculous part? These parents don't even have an ounce of shame! They put on this entire circus right in front of the neighbors, day in and day out! Does it really not matter if they wake up the whole damn block? I mean, seriously, once their little angel finally falls asleep, isn't that exact same mother just out there chasing other kids off the street?!! It’s always just about them and their one child, isn't it? Honestly, these clueless parents are just raising clueless kids!👍
That is exactly the point... foolish parents will raise foolish children regardless of whether the law intervenes frequently, rarely, or never at all.