I suppose the issue is that men are inherently more fragile than women. They don't seem to know how to defend themselves through other means, so they resort to aggression instead. Maybe it also stems from how they are raised—you know, the whole "don't cry, man up" mentality. So, rather than breaking down or seeking professional help, he just ends up hitting his wife.
Then I’ll read some headline in the New York Times saying, "Man accidentally kills wife after domestic dispute"... hello??!!! 😢
That’s true. You maintain a positive outlook on the future, and I believe that mindset will eventually pay off for you. You just have to put in the work. Just like the rest of us, I suppose. I grew up in a perfectly harmonious, loving family, yet somehow I found myself facing a crisis again. Besides, you're only 19. You are still quite young, and you have your entire life ahead of you to seek out pleasure and find what truly fulfills you. My mother always tells me that now, being over 50, she is a much more composed and content person than she ever was in her twenties.
Harold Anderson3 said:Are you looking for a private therapist or going through your insurance provider? I usually go through my insurance; I feel like my doctor really listens, though I do wish we could meet more frequently. For me, I just balance that with spending time on this forum...
I see a counselor at the university clinic. At first, I was going several times a week, but now it is just once a week. Maybe you could ask her if more frequent visits are an option.
That seems like a good starting point. I imagine things will likely improve over time. Perhaps you could try setting small goals for yourself to complete between therapy sessions. That way, you might feel like you are doing everything possible to help yourself.
As for your parents, I understand. It is difficult to distance yourself from older family members, but when you encounter negativity from them, I think it helps to remind yourself that it isn't a reflection of your own worth. It is really just a matter of their own character. Because it truly is.
I think I follow your drift. Look, everyone finds their own way to navigate through rough patches, so I don't want to pretend I have all the answers for you. What I personally did—and what I've done for my own struggles—was seek out therapy to talk things through. During particularly intense crises, I’ve relied on medication to help me get by. I also believe that regardless of how difficult things feel, there has to be some push to engage in activities outside the house, something that actually fits your personality. Obviously, if you're feeling sensitive, you wouldn't head straight to a crowded Madison Square Garden game. Maybe start with smaller steps—just walks, a bit of light exercise, or hanging out with people who truly understand you. Nothing changes overnight. But bit by bit, significant progress can be made.
Just take it day by day. Perhaps try setting tiny little goals for yourself every single morning.
Walter Myers4, I suppose you could try to consider that people can be quite sensitive, even without you labeling them so negatively based on your own limited perspective. I know a guy who used to be incredibly withdrawn and a bit odd—he dealt with some serious family chaos too—but over time he completely opened up and actually turned his life around for the better.
Seek out love from people who actually understand how to give it and receive it—whether that’s through friends, a partner, or even your extended family. If you put kindness out into the world, I guess it eventually finds its way back to you.
As for parents, unfortunately, they aren't really people you can change.
I find myself constantly checking to make sure my wallet isn't empty, and I feel compelled to ensure every single door in the house is locked. I unfortunately neglected to say my nightly prayer, and so... well, I suppose I don't worry too much about those specific things. It's more the anxiety itself that truly concerns me.
Stay away from people who make you feel inadequate. I’ve been doing exactly that lately. Of course, there will always be an employer or a coworker you have to tolerate, but for anyone you aren't required to interact with constantly, just cut them out of your circle.
Regarding parents, we can't change them, but I believe you are already on the right path toward "mentally detaching" yourself. When you hear a comment that hurts, try thinking, "That says everything about her character and nothing about my worth." I have also started ignoring provocations and simply not responding; sometimes I even pretend to agree, which seems to get them to move on faster so their annoying or malicious comments don't bother me anymore.
As for hobbies, I think it’s mostly just a matter of laziness. Sometimes I literally have to force myself to sign up for something, and then it starts to flow naturally. I also applied for a scholarship this year; I came very close to getting it, but it doesn't matter, at least I tried.
You are a great person. You just think too much. Many of us who are considered "lucky" often find ourselves feeling dissatisfied, perhaps even greedy or desperate for more happiness, more success, or greater satisfaction.
In reality, you have almost everything. Keep yourself busy with various activities, just so you don't have too much time to overthink things.🙂 Best,
Hmm... I don't quite agree with what was stated above. I suppose people who come to a forum to share their struggles, especially in a psychology group, are already dealing with enough hits to their self-esteem. It seems unlikely that they would want some jerk making jokes about their problems. But maybe that's something only those who have actually faced real issues understand, rather than those just passing time because they have nothing better to do.
hiddentrucker16 said:Always with the compliments, aren't you?😍 😘 Hey, cherry, how have you been? I actually have some news—I finally called it quits with my old man. We haven't even seen each other in five days... and given our three-year streak of being hopelessly codependent, this feels a lot like actual withdrawal symptoms.😁
I suppose you can see that you are more or less the same person even without him around. Regardless, I am happy for you if you feel this much more satisfied now. Ultimately, you can always go back to him if you need to. I suppose this is just a trial period to see if things actually improve now that you've finally lifted that weight off your shoulders. Maybe you should focus on yourself for a bit. I think you made the right call. 👍
I feel like I'm coming apart at the seams. I guess I might be flying solo pretty soon, too.😳 I suppose I should begin.
If you look above, you can see how Susan Garcia felt bold enough to respond like that. Now, if you check the main thread to see what kind of issue he is actually dealing with—and how he intends to "solve" it—you might realize he probably won't. I guess... how many times has he already changed his mind? Maybe try connecting the dots regarding the type of people who respond by belittling someone else's weaknesses. Yes, you asked a fair question. There are certainly people who vent their frustrations here on the forum. But as the smart hiddentrucker16 says, they won't be dealt with that easily.
He likely hasn't even heard that there is a group called Blondy🙂 And even he admits it—in reality, he would never say those things to your face... guess why...
I was actually thinking about my sister and a friend of mine.... It’s nothing major, just spring, hormones, finals week, allergies, and stress... nothing out of the ordinary, I guess. People tend to be pretty irritable anyway.
Jedio, if you don't suspect that you have changed in some way yourself....
What you’re saying suggests that your self-love is conditional, based entirely on whether everything feels right at the moment. Maybe you should try loving yourself unconditionally.... If you tell yourself every single day that you are beautiful, I guess you might actually start to believe it one day.
I feel for you. I was never one of those people blessed with perfect skin, and it was a massive struggle for me during my teenage years. Maybe just accept that genetics play a huge role here, and even all the top dermatologists in the country won't be able to fix everything permanently. Try to focus on your other strengths, because I am sure you have them. There are powders, blushes, and other cosmetics that can help camouflage imperfections to an extent, but please remember that your smile and your overall presence matter much more.😍 Ultimately, that is what draws people in, rather than having some perfectly smooth complexion....👍
p.s. An ex once actually told me that my breakouts were kind of sexy 😁 So, tell me how you feel about that now.....🙄
Mark Perez2 said:Look, I’m not saying I scrub my hands with a toothbrush. I just wash up after I eat. I don't go around tossing my cash into the washing machine like Adrian Monk. 🙂 And I wouldn't call myself obsessively tidy, either. I'm just... within the realm of normal. But the lack of symmetry? That absolutely kills me. I find myself hunting for imbalances in everything. The thing is, the world isn't perfect and it never will be. Like that guy above said, you can find asymmetry in anything if you look at it from the right angle. Ziggy, tell me, when that urge for symmetry hits you, how do you calm down enough to stop? Or does the medication you're on prevent that feeling from taking hold in the first place? And for you two, James Allen6 and northernmarlin79—does this stuff actually interfere with your day-to-day life? Like, you aren't seeing a psychiatrist or anything? You mentioned before that you actually kind of enjoy it. Even if scrubbing your hands with a brush isn't exactly "normal." Then again, who am I to define what normal is? 😁
Right now, I am struggling with panic disorder and seeing a psychologist for it, and I've basically self-diagnosed my own OCD 😁 which, lucky me, 😍
I suppose people usually define virtues as things like orderliness, precision, or symmetry. But personally, I’d much rather be a bit messy if it meant feeling a little more "secure" in my own head.
hiddentrucker16 said:Alright then—if you're so confident, why don't you suggest a specific little handbook on this "positive thinking" and the ability to shift one's mindset? If it actually comes from you, I might just consider reading it...😍 Well, I’ll give you a recommendation: read *The Drama of the Gifted Child* by Alice Miller—just be prepared for a bit of an emotional stomach ache.😁
I am not entirely sure of the exact title, but perhaps check at a local library. They carry many interesting psychology texts. I think there is one titled *The Philosophy of Positive Thinking*. Oh boy... I guess I will have to postpone that until a much less intense time.
Hehe... we all have our little quirks, but your hand-washing habit really gave me a good laugh.🙂 🙂 🙂
I suppose these things are mostly harmless. I actually find myself arranging my things "in order" quite often, and it brings me a certain sense of satisfaction. It probably only becomes a serious issue when these habits start to trouble us or interfere with daily life. In those cases, maybe it would be wise to consult a professional.