Lower your expectations for yourself. You seem weighed down by these standards, and they're preventing you from actually enjoying life.
Maybe try looking at things through the lens of being just one tiny speck in the universe—because, honestly, you are—and realizing that very little in this world truly rests on your shoulders. I suppose it’s only when you’re completely free from fear and pressure that you can actually appreciate being alive, which might even make you more productive and creative in the long run. Not to mention the whole self-fulfilling prophecy thing; if you stop expecting the worst, there's a better chance things won't go that way. Of course, putting this into practice in daily life is much harder, but I guess if you keep this thought in the back of your mind, maybe one day it will finally 🙂
Those sound like classic anxiety symptoms. Fortunately, it hasn't escalated into full-blown panic attacks yet, so there is still time to get things under control before any serious consequences arise.
I would strongly suggest you stop using marijuana. These kinds of fears can definitely be triggered by its use. I wouldn't mess around with that.
That deep empathy you feel for others who are suffering is actually quite common among people with anxiety. It often stems from being hypersensitive, compassionate, or overly caring, which might explain why you take everything in life so seriously. First off, though, we should consider nervous temperament. What is your family history regarding that sort of thing?
Beyond that, I don't think it's been definitively proven whether anxiety is caused by specific past traumas or if it's simply triggered by intense periods of stress—like something happening at your job, for instance. Maybe take a moment to reflect on how your life has been lately. Are you truly happy, or is something weighing on you?
This reminds me of the movie Everyone Loves Raymond. 😉
First off, where did you get the idea that most women just want to marry, have kids, cook, and iron for their husbands?! Well, I suppose that isn't really the point here.
Second, I agree with you. I wouldn't want some woman hovering over me constantly either, but couldn't you have seen this coming before you agreed to move into that house? You two were together for five years, after all. I assume you would have met his mother during that time.
Anyway, getting back to the present—you essentially have two choices. You can either accept the situation because you can't change it, nor can you change your husband, who, like most men, refuses to disrespect his mother. Or, you could move to a smaller place, though it might be less comfortable, just to ensure there aren't any third parties in your marriage.
I apologize if I missed anything; I didn't read the entire post very closely.
Maybe try starting by focusing on things that actually bring you joy. I notice there isn't much that seems to lift your spirits right now, but surely something exists. I suppose if you stay persistent with the activities you enjoy, once you feel a bit stronger, you can tackle the tasks that require more mental stamina and focus.
Just take it one day at a time. I think it might help to avoid exhausting yourself with heavy questions; when they start to weigh on you, maybe just try to move on to something else.
quietranger14 said:Honestly, I’d rather just take a wooden spoon to the head—or maybe let my mom handle that part for me. 😬
I’m clearly a hypocrite with zero authority here—coming in to lecture a kid when I don't have all the answers myself... but hey, at least I'm trying, right?
quietranger14 said:😘Hey, I didn't mean to offend you if it came off that way—so, sorry if I did. I know all about that miserable anxiety—and the crappy antidepressants, and whatever else they prescribe to deal with it, along with all those "great" side effects. I know people say it doesn't matter, but right now, it matters enough to make me feel desperate. Damn, if only this would all just stop—if I could just stop caring. Why is the world such a garbage fire that it turns you into... well, something else entirely? And then leaves you alone to patch up your own wounds. What kind of nonsense is this anyway? Why can't we all just be beautiful? I know I'm rambling, but I don't really care. Who decided on these trashy beauty standards and these impossible criteria nobody can ever meet? Who is all this crap supposed to make happy? If kids aren't even happy, how is anyone in this world supposed to be? Even kids aren't happy—by age five, they already know that being overweight or skinny means they won't be liked, though they haven't quite realized yet that you're supposed to wash your hands after using the bathroom. I honestly don't get what's happening here. Anyway... I'm going to go study, maybe I'll actually learn something useful. 😬
don't worry, you didn't offend me, I don't take offense that easily...😘
I just remembered that when I used to visit my psychologist, there was this large mirror in her office next to a scale, and I remember wondering, "is someone's appearance really such a huge issue that they end up seeing a psychologist because of it?"... but obviously, it is....
please don't worry, it is just a temporary crisis, we have all felt unattractive at some point. maybe buy yourself some new clothes or something just to "boost" your mood....
and what you wrote is all true, traditional values, morality, and etiquette have vanished. The media constantly pushes shallow people into shallow situations on us—take the current hype around the latest celebrity scandals, or those socialites, or those news pundits, just constant idiocy. But I try not to let myself get worked up over it. I truly don't care.
quietranger14 said:Thanks luckily my boyfriend feels the same way 🙂 I get the logic intellectually—one half of my brain knows what's up—but the other half is basically revolting against itself for various reasons. I know there's no point in weighing 95 pounds at 5'8", and I don't want that anyway. I actually love my curves (during my best moments), and I know half the girls in the universe would kill for a size 4, but when your head isn't on board, none of that matters. Besides, some of the most beautiful women I've seen in real life weren't exactly toothpicks. If I could just fix my mindset, everything would be fine. Thanks for the post, I'm blushing. Damn, I really need to stop doing that
Maybe that is just enough to offer some comfort. I am actually one of those people with those proportions. I am naturally thin, my metabolism runs incredibly fast, and honestly, you might think I am happy about it, but I am not. 😠 I eat constantly just trying to keep anything in my system. Ever since anxiety hit me, my appetite basically vanished. My main struggle is simply trying to maintain whatever weight I have left.
I suppose we all want something different instead of just accepting our imperfect bodies. And yes, even I feel attractive and confident during my best moments...😉
I suppose this refers to some kind of vulnerability—my own response tends toward aggression 😢 I guess I just don't care for displaying weakness, and this seems to be another way of doing exactly that...
William Scott18 said:Until you're 18, or maybe even 20, being the "cool guy"—loud, aggressive, and wild—is what draws girls in. That's what they fall for at that age.
After that, I'm not entirely sure what matters since I haven't quite hit that stage yet, but confidence definitely plays a huge part, and you build that during those early years.
That's why I say guys who have had girlfriends will deal with choices sooner, while those who haven't end up with lower confidence and are left on their own. It makes it harder to try, and even harder for girls to show interest. If you studied psychology, you might already know there's literature out there about this.
I'm not trying to lecture anyone, just stating facts—things are often much easier for women than they are for men.
quietranger14, I hope my college experience improves too, though I'm not expecting much. If you expect too much, you always end up disappointed.
Please don't generalize. For instance, people like that have never actually appealed to me. If anything, I've always been drawn to the more reserved, talented intellectuals. It seems you are merely searching for excuses to protect yourself. I find myself wondering if you actually have any intention of accepting help at all.
William Scott18 said:You've got a point, but... Sometimes, like today, I just want someone to hold me, and I want to hold them too...
Not someday, not maybe one day, but right now... Today. Before noon. Just listen to Smiths-How soon is now... And honestly, it isn't happening today, tomorrow, or even next month...
You won't get anywhere with that kind of pessimism. I know things have been difficult and heavy for you, but complaining at this point doesn't really help. Maybe try taking things slow and steady with college. Take a page out of quietranger14's book—focus on self-improvement, go out and find friends, and actually put in the effort with girls instead of waiting for the world to revolve around you (which, unfortunately, hasn't happened for anyone yet).
And I guess you shouldn't listen to Morrissey, because it might just make you feel more depressed.😉 😘
I find myself largely in agreement with the original poster (though I am not particularly fond of that specific TV show). From what I have observed, nearly all gay individuals I know grew up in households where certain fundamental elements were missing—perhaps they were raised by a single parent, or maybe there was significant friction between their parents. I would not go so far as to call it a disease, though I suppose one could view it as some type of disorder. I don't hold any animosity toward gay people (except, perhaps, for those who feel the need to be exhibitionists in public), but I suspect only they truly understand the circumstances that led them here. To suggest that being gay and being straight are identical is, I think, a bit of a delusion, as nature seems to indicate something quite different. That said, I genuinely want everyone to find happiness, even if that path involves a same-sex relationship. However, I believe people should recognize and accept their own uniqueness rather than treating sexual orientation as an interchangeable choice. After all, we aren't animals; I guess what draws us to others is primarily an emotional connection rather than just a sexual one.
slywolf45 said:Bravo! You haven't managed to impress me until now, but you finally did. Not many people actually recognize who is on my avatar! Respect!👍 🙏
But... look, I didn't choose her for my avatar specifically because she's a lesbian. Honestly, I outgrew that whole rebellious phase of self-expression (you know, the whole "punk's not dead" aesthetic via avatars) a long time ago. I picked this avatar because her expression—and her general posture—reminds me of the "freak out" attitude I tend to maintain regarding society and the world at large. This is completely unrelated to the topic at hand. GENERALIZED!
You’re right about everything you said; that’s essentially the core mission of the LGBTQ+ community. But how are they going to grab public attention if we don't talk about it, or if we don't push the issue at least once a year? Anyway... I won't drone on about Pride anymore. I think I've made my point.
Have a great time out, STrashn.😘
I should probably mention that I recognized the skin on your avatar as well.😁
And I wanted to ask you: why do gay people feel such a strong need to remind everyone of their sexual orientation and "gain public attention"?
It is almost as if they are searching for some kind of validation, because perhaps they aren't entirely sure of their own path...😕
Jonathan Kim4 said:I honestly don't quite grasp the point of all these similar gatherings—not just the gay parades, but even certain concerts...
I mean, at the end of the day, I really want to see how the average person reacts—you know, those folks who seem to think they might suddenly turn gay just because they shared a drink with one of them after the show.
Ultimately, we need to start having these conversations, because that’s the only way to actually strip away the stigma surrounding this "group."
Think about it—back in the day, people used to burn women at the stake like witches, and it took them a while to realize just how foolish they were being.
Perhaps a thing like San Francisco Pride could help people see that these are just regular people, just like anyone else, and maybe then the attacks will finally stop.
To me, Pride feels like a crowd of loud eccentrics. I think I would respect them more if I met them in my daily life as ordinary, capable, smart, and private people, rather than seeing them in that chaotic mess in downtown Chicago.
Why do you believe that homosexuals are being "attacked" or targeted? Personally, I am strictly against any kind of violence, including toward LGBT individuals, but I suppose they have strayed a bit from what could be considered a "natural" or "divine" path, which seems evidenced by their extreme methods of "fighting for rights."
There are probably gay people who keep their sexuality to themselves. I don't mean they are hiding from the public, but rather that it is simply one component of their personality that they don't feel the need to broadcast on the streets. That seems perfectly fine to me. As long as people are happy, I guess it doesn't matter.
I suspect this happens when the body finally releases all the tension built up throughout the day. I experience this quite frequently myself.
I also read some things on the previous page that happen to me in my dreams quite often too... For instance, being chased by someone—I used to have that dream a lot, where I simply can't run and can barely move at all... it's unsettling... Or falling down stairs and just tumbling...😲
Then there is flying, just soaring... and then falling and waking up. But those are always pleasant because even within the dream, I know nothing bad can actually happen to me.
And I often realize that I am dreaming while it is happening...
If you are truly a happy person and, more importantly, a good mother, then let this be the extra motivation you need to walk away from an expensive, unhealthy, and dangerous addiction.
You are going to have to stop eventually anyway. I guess it might be better to do it now, while your child is still small, so they can have you as a role model before they are old enough to understand what is happening.
You said yourself that your child is the most important thing in the world to you. Maybe now is the time to prove it. Try to find whatever strength you have left inside; I get the feeling you are capable of this.
😬
luckily my boyfriend feels the same way 🙂
