I suspect you are a very responsible person who is deeply aware of the sacrifices a baby requires, which is likely why you are weighing this so heavily. That said, you would probably be a wonderful mother, especially since you mentioned how much you enjoy being around little kids. I went through a period of intense anxiety about having children myself, but after my nephew was born recently, I felt such an overwhelming sense of joy just seeing him. Now, I am eagerly waiting until I am in a better position to have my own little angel.
Of course, if you aren't ready, there is no need to force it. However, nothing in life brings quite as much happiness as a new life, and I imagine that one day, when the time comes, you might find yourself thinking, "I could have done this sooner."
I’ve been sitting through all sorts of scholarship exams lately, and they were quite intense. Honestly, though, I have to admit that the driver's permit test was a complete joke compared to an actual intelligence test. I managed to get a perfect score, even though I don't consider myself particularly brilliant based on the other academic assessments I've taken.
Now, regarding what you said—I've personally dealt with anxiety and panic attacks before. However, it never really impacted my college exams or anything related to my mental clarity. I doubt your poor result has anything to do with that.
Jerry Martinez5 said:So how exactly would you choose "the one"? What's your definition? Who actually fits that description, where do they hang out, and do you even run in those circles? If not, why not?
I think I would choose him simply by falling in love (assuming that is even possible...). I guess I do have a general idea of what a "real one" looks like. To my mind, a "real one" is someone who knows how to love me in the specific way I need to be loved. He should be someone I can enjoy being with, whether we are at a family dinner or just alone together. I suppose guys like that are everywhere. I do hang out with people like that, though they have never really been sexually attractive to me.
Until I met the one who attracts me in every single way.😍
I suppose we can manage who we choose to love, much like any other aspect of our lives, provided we have already fallen for someone and subsequently realized we want something deeper than just a crush. Choosing who to fall in love with... hmm... not really. If I had been able to make that choice, I probably would have saved myself a lot of trouble and simply picked the right one from the start.
Kate Lee65, I suspect you might be dealing with some anxiety. Perhaps you should switch over to the Psychology PDF, specifically the section on Panic Disorder.
Look, if they prescribed you Lexapro, it seems like they might suspect panic attacks. I was put on that same medication for that specific diagnosis; it’s an anxiolytic. I don't really understand the other thing, so I won't get into it.
Hm, I suppose some form of therapy might actually be beneficial for you. I am not entirely certain, but since you go in for checkups so frequently, it is highly probable that your symptoms are linked to your thyroid. I would suggest trying to avoid unnecessary stress...
Oh, I am sorry, I didn't realize you were dealing with thyroid issues. It seems quite possible that those symptoms are connected, as panic attacks often mimic thyroid dysfunction almost perfectly. The main difference, I suppose, is that panic attacks involve an intense, irrational sense of fear that can eventually develop into a disorder, whereas thyroid issues don't usually trigger them quite as frequently. My mother actually struggles with her thyroid and used to have episodes like this where she ended up in the ER constantly, but things eventually stabilized and she is doing great now. Are you currently taking any prescribed medication?
The symptoms you're describing seem typical for a panic attack. Thousands of people go through this; I guess you aren't an exception. I have experienced this myself, and I know how terrifying it feels. A person gets scared because they don't understand what's happening. In my case, it unfortunately escalated into a panic disorder, then anxiety, and eventually depression. Generally, as someone else mentioned above, the body often reacts right after a stressful period ends. You finally relax, and then everything just "breaks." I am not sure if you noticed, but there is a PDF on the Psychology topic regarding Anxiety and Panic Disorders. Unfortunately, people over-rely on medication there, which isn't always necessary. Personally, I managed to get through everything without any pills. Some people take risks, though... look at what happened to the guy in the local news story.
Anyway, I suppose I am drifting off-topic now..... In short, it isn't anything catastrophic. Just try to allow your body and mind some rest...
Jeffrey Stewart4, if he truly understood you, he wouldn't hesitate to take a test just to help you sleep better at night. his "troubled" past certainly gives you every reason to have doubts, and I suppose he should recognize that. He really ought to be doing everything possible to prove that his addiction is behind him so you can finally feel at peace. I find myself agreeing with the women who mentioned that you might be playing a dangerous game here. I am certain there are former addicts out there who never go back to that life, but the real question is whether your boyfriend is actually one of those people. if there is nothing to hide, why would he refuse a test? personally, I don't think I would trust him either.....😢
I suppose you could just let him take the test. He is aware of his past mistakes, so I imagine he would want to prove he has changed. However, looking at the big picture, you cannot be monitoring his every move indefinitely.
Regarding your question about why he feels unready for the environment—perhaps you should just ask him directly?!! I once had a boyfriend where we lacked total transparency. It felt like there was always something left unsaid between us (and it seems you might be experiencing something similar), which creates an unhealthy dynamic. In my case, things eventually just fell apart.
redharbor9 said:I'm guessing the flag is just there to show they're gay-friendly, like they have zero issues with it so the LGBTQ+ crowd feels welcome... that’s probably why those flags (and stickers) were being handed out at that psychology seminar in 🙂
Well, that is what I was assuming too.🙂 Maybe it sounded like I was being anti-gay, but I am actually friendly toward everyone who is, in my opinion, a good and decent person, whether they are gay or straight.
redharbor9 said:How much would this actually matter to you guys... if you were looking at it from the client or patient side?
Hmm... that is a difficult question.
Speaking from experience—it actually mattered to me when I saw that rainbow flag on my psychologist's desk. I have to admit, I wouldn't want my life being guided by someone who doesn't seem to understand boundaries. I am not just talking about sexual orientation, though LGBTQ+ individuals are often the ones advocating for freedom in every sense, even in areas where I feel they might cross into immorality.
That said, my psychologist was wonderful. She was professional, kind, and she never forced her own views or solutions on me. Instead, she allowed me the space to reach my own conclusions, which I believe is the true job of a therapist.
Jeffrey Stewart4 said:It isn’t so much a lack of trust as it is genuine fear... those nagging doubts always seem to linger in the background. We actually did talk openly about it, because I've always been the type of person who would rather ask a direct question than dwell on uncertainty. He insists he's clean, but... honestly, how many guys like N. have ever actually admitted to using? It's incredibly rare. People tell me I should look him in the eye to see if he's lying, but what does that even prove? When it comes to this stuff, I suppose I'm just... naive.
In my opinion, you cannot be happy in a relationship where there is no trust. You simply have to believe in the person you are with. If you find yourself constantly questioning things like this, it probably means you don't trust him.
I guess you can usually tell by someone's behavior if they are using drugs, right?
It seems like you don't have any trust in him, and without that, nothing works.
Can't you just sit down and have an honest conversation with him to ask whatever is on your mind? I guess it feels like his sister is closer to you than he is.
No one can truly guarantee that he will stay on the right path forever. I suppose that is just a risk you have to accept if you decide to stay with him.
A lot of people find themselves in a similar situation to yours. I suppose you shouldn't let all of this weigh on you quite so heavily, mostly because your life isn't actually in a bad place, and I think it’s important to keep that in mind. My own parents tend to view the arts through the lens of "you can't pay the rent with that," but if you feel certain about your path, maybe you should take the leap and head in a different direction.
If I were in your shoes, I probably wouldn't make any radical moves just yet, since financial security carries so much weight in today's world. However, I wouldn't neglect the things that truly fulfill me and feed my soul either. As a teaching assistant or a professor at a university, you'll likely have plenty of free time for your hobbies. Since you're still at the beginning of your career, things might feel more difficult now, but once you earn your credentials, you'll have much more time to dedicate to your art. I guess you should just be patient until you've secured a steady job, and then you can pursue what actually makes you happy. Life is long. Have patience.
I suppose there isn't much point in searching for answers here, given that the Psychology section features an extensive "Anxiety" topic. We also have the newly established "Non-Chemical Anxiety Management" sub-forum for those who prefer to examine the underlying causes and consequences of this disorder, rather than assuming medication is a universal fix.
Please, come join us; we're basically an entire platoon of people in a trance! 😉
p.s. In my own experience, panic attacks eventually transitioned into anxiety, which then led to depression... but I respect your perspective. I think you're right—there are certainly much worse things that could have happened to us...
I support you in this decision to start working on yourself. I want you to know that it is never too late. I suppose you’ve finally found the courage to make your move from that position, and I have to say, I truly respect that.
I suppose you have to accept that working on yourself is an incredibly difficult and lengthy process. Nothing is going to change overnight. Maybe we just need to be prepared for that reality.
It is good that you are reading psychology books. Perhaps it might also be beneficial to see a youth counselor to help guide you through these changes.
Believe me, you aren't alone in this. I guess there are quite a few of us wondering how to truly forgive people who hurt us—or even worse, how to find that forgiveness for ourselves.
People aren't inherently bad. I suppose they won't hurt you if you choose to be vulnerable. Maybe some people will, but I think the truly brave ones are those who dare to take that risk, rather than those who just build walls around themselves.
I believe in you, and I suppose you will eventually find the right path.
I personally don't care for friends who are closed off. For me, clear communication and being open about how you feel is absolutely vital in a friendship. If someone just keeps everything bottled up inside, I don't really see that as trust. Besides, what is the point of a relationship where I am the only one talking? That feels like a one-way street to me.