Posts by electrictiger70

ironmarlin1 said:I have my doubts. 😁The core of the issue here is that the moment you start drawing those sharp lines between "us" and "them," you’re essentially grouping everyone together and painting them all with the same brush as the extremists. It’s a bit ironic, really, because by doing that, you end up falling right into the very trap you claim to be trying to avoid—which is labeling an entire community based on the actions of a few radicals, while acting as if we somehow lack the capacity to grasp the nuances of their actual culture.

I have a nagging suspicion that you might have missed my point entirely. ☕ I have to say, I’m truly struggling to wrap my head around that last point you made; it's just one of those arguments that seems to drift quite far from the actual heart of the matter, leaving me somewhat adrift.
I wasn't actually attempting to stake out a definitive position here; rather, I was merely trying to untangle the various perspectives at play and examine what kind of fallout occurs when one particular viewpoint clashes with another. My only real point is that we shouldn't fall into the trap of oversimplifying things by slapping a "regressive" label on Muslims just because they were deeply offended by those caricatures in Denmark. It isn't quite that black and white.

You’re essentially doing exactly what I warned you about earlier. You keep conflating the entire Muslim population with those specific individuals who "took offense" at the caricatures, and then you pivot into this grand, symbolic analysis of two inherently contradictory cultures—all while failing to distinguish between actual hooligans and the core tenets of Islamic culture itself.

Sure, I suppose they’re retreating because they feel like their right to free speech is being trampled on, but if you step back and look at it from their point of view, there’s a certain logic to it—we aren't exactly out here flying their flags or posting their symbols either, are we?

It’s a bit of a paradox, really, if you stop to think about it. They don't actually possess any symbols of their own, which sounds like a void, but the reality is far more layered than that. You see, the very absence of those symbols has effectively become a symbol in itself—a sort of silent statement. It’s all driven by this rigid desire to steer clear of idolatry, a belief that by stripping away the outward imagery, they can somehow safeguard their spiritual purity. So, in an attempt to avoid worshiping an object, they've turned nothingness into their most defining icon.

No, that is simply your interpretation of what I meant. When I used the terms "us" and "them," I was referring to the West versus the East in terms of Muslim nations and cultures. I was not implying that I view them all as fundamentalists.

You are doing exactly what I mentioned earlier. You are conflating all Muslims with those specific individuals who "took offense" at the caricatures, and then you attempt a symbolic analysis of two contradictory cultures, even though you are confusing rioters with actual Islamic culture.

Look, you cannot tell me that Muslim countries share the same value system as the West—which is what you seem to be suggesting now. Are you claiming that most Muslims didn't react to those caricatures and that it was just a small group of thugs? That is a convenient thesis, but I fail to see what evidence you have to support it. It is even harder to believe when you consider how pervasive fundamentalist propaganda is in the Middle East, and there is a reason for that. I am not justifying them; I am merely stating that there is logic to what is happening when you apply a Western context to it.

The situation is paradoxical because they lack symbols. The reality is that the absence of symbols has itself become a symbol, because they are forbidden from having them in an effort to prevent idolatry.

And who exactly are you referring to as "them" now? 🤣 You have just fallen into the exact trap you accused me of—you generalized all Muslims into a single group that "is not allowed to have symbols." 😁 See how easy it is to get caught in that logic? :P
There is a certain truth to your point about the absence of symbols becoming a symbol in itself. They are not permitted to question these symbols, yet we analyze this through our own lens—that of a liberal, rationalistic legacy born from the Enlightenment, where the very concept seems absurd because it strikes at the core of the Enlightenment order.
Anyway, I don't know. It is getting too late for me to untangle these complex Muslim-Western questions. ☕

ironmarlin1 said:I suppose defending fundamentalism requires a healthy dose of cynicism, doesn't it? You seem to have conveniently left out the parts about hanging journalists, homosexuals, and victims of sexual assault (who are assaulted precisely because their culture forbids hanging virgins).

I am in complete agreement regarding the rights aspect, but if we elevate this discussion to the level of semantics—why exactly do we expect them to tolerate our mockery of their sacred symbols, much like those controversial cartoons in Denmark, when we spend all our time dismissing them as backwards? It feels like two distinct cultures that simply fail to grasp one another, yet we feel entitled to pass judgment on them, while the moment they criticize us, we hide behind the shield of "tolerance." Are we actually being tolerant toward their values? We aren't, are we? It’s simply because we view them through the lens of Western discourse and deem them outdated.

That isn't quite right. The reason you call them backward is that you are conflating an entire group with the individuals who burn embassies and wave flags for Hitler because he was a murderer of Jews. That is the crux of the condemnation, and frankly, it stems from these quasi-intellectual leftists who lump everyone together with fundamentalists and then insist that such behavior constitutes their actual "culture."

I agree with Zizek, though I wanted to emphasize what I consider the core driver of this friction—setting aside political realities and assuming it can't all be reduced to mere linguistics, though this touches on that semantic dimension—it is the fact that these two cultures lack any mutual understanding because they don't share a common vocabulary of meaning, largely because one side is incapable of viewing the other without a heavy layer of value judgments.
This brings us back to the idea that meaningful communication necessitates at least a minimal baseline of shared definitions. ☕

As I mentioned before, there are plenty of perfectly decent Muslims who would find your labeling of this behavior as "their culture" just as objectionable as anyone else.

That is true, though I am certainly not defending fundamentalism; I made that distinction clear. My point is simply to examine the various ways meaning is constructed and to question whose definitions we are using when we judge Islamic perspectives.
It is obvious that no ideology violating basic human rights should be tolerated, but that leads to a secondary question: who defines those basic rights, and by what authority? Is it the West? (Which is essentially the critique leveled against the UN conventions).
If you want my personal stance, I am absolutely opposed to everything you mentioned above. However, that does not mean I won't interrogate the premises upon which certain values are labeled as universal. The West frequently tends to view these issues within Islam in isolation from their actual context, or through a purely Western lens. This prevents any meaningful dialogue, which is the only thing I am trying to emphasize here.
There is also a tendency to view extremists as the statistical average 😉, leading to the assumption that all Muslims are uneducated fundamentalists, which is simply not an accurate representation.

That isn't true. You call them backward because you identify them with the people who burn embassies and flags while cheering for Hitler because he was killing Jews. That is the only condemnation being offered, and it comes from quasi-intellectual leftists who equate everyone with fundamentalists and then label that behavior as their "culture."

You haven't fully read or understood my post. I am not calling them backward; rather, I am questioning the very framework by which we—as Western culture—label them as such based on our own specific context. This does not mean I support fatwas or the stoning of women for adultery; it just means the issue is far more complex than the black-and-white rhetoric currently dominating public discourse. In fact, I believe we actually agree on this point.

As I stated, there are plenty of decent Muslims who condemn what you are labeling as their "culture" and reject such stereotyping.

I suspect you might have misunderstood me. ☕ And frankly, I don't quite follow your last objection either.
I didn't even present a definitive personal opinion here; I merely attempted to analyze whose perspective is being prioritized and what the consequences of those viewpoints are. All I am saying is that matters aren't simple enough to slap a "backward" label on Muslims just because they were outraged by the Danish cartoons. Yes, fine, they may be viewed as backward because they don't respect certain free speech principles, but from their perspective, we don't respect their symbols either. That is where the breakdown in communication occurs. This is a much too layered issue for me to draw any profound conclusions in just two posts. 🤷But if you've got some ideas—please, lay them on me 😉

Even though we've drifted completely off-topic here 😁

lonegardener said:I know why...

I get frustrated with myself because I honestly feel like I'm brilliant, even though every single day I prove to myself that I'm actually as clueless as they come. It's strange how an intelligent person can be so hopelessly dense. 😲

I mean, I can go maybe five days without feeling the need to lecture someone, and then that's it... I can't hold out any longer. Is that some kind of obsessive-compulsive thing? Maybe an addiction? 😱

How should I put this... I realize that I don't know anything, yet somehow everything still feels crystal clear to me. 😬 And I just can't help it... the realization that I am completely unversed in so many fields of human knowledge doesn't actually instill any sense of respect or humility in me regarding the fact that other people know a massive amount about those subjects (different people knowing different things).

To be completely honest (at least on this subject, not generally 😈)—I think I first noticed this trait in other people, and it drove me absolutely crazy; then I realized I was exactly the same way. In fact, I probably get annoyed with those same people precisely because they are just like me. (It’s like those two goats fighting on a narrow ridge in one of those old fables).

I would love for someone to thoroughly prove to me that I have no idea what I'm talking about—but they'd have to do it impartially, neutrally, and with pure logic. Because if they get emotionally involved, I'll just dismiss it as their own ego trip or their own desperate need to act smart, or whatever. Just vanity, really. Vanitas vanitatum, etoga vanitas. Even when someone tries to convince me that it's perfectly fine to be vain, that it's normal and something I should just accept and make peace with... even doing that is usually driven by that same vanity, for themselves rather than for me. They say a dog doesn't bark for the sake of the village... and I see that clearly in myself. I'm the dog, and I'm not barking for the village; I'm barking for myself. And even the desire I have to bark for the village for just one day—even that is just another selfish wish. Damn. 😠 😠 😠

Thinking like this leaves me with this feeling of hopeless lack of freedom... sure, I can do whatever I want, but I can only want what I want and nothing else. When it comes to my own desires, I am totally conditioned and determined. I can't "want to want" something different than what I actually want. Well, I technically can—I'm doing it right now 😬—but then I fall into a total paradox and a logical loop that gives me a headache. Better go to sleep...

I view this as a challenge 🤣

Look, I am stepping up voluntarily to address your little comment about how I "have no clue about anything" 🤣 (Just so we are clear on who is talking here.) You see, Aristotelian rhetoric suggests there are three distinct modes of persuasion
ethos (credibility)
pathos (appealing to emotion and empathy), and
logos (rational argumentation) ...
and a skilled orator must master all three.
Therefore, just because someone is emotionally engaged doesn't mean they aren't correct; to suggest otherwise is a logical fallacy—specifically, an ad hominem attack—which has absolutely nothing to do with whether a conclusion is actually valid or not.

So, have I proven my point? Was I good, was I good? 🤣

Vanity of vanities, all is vanity. Even when someone tries to convince me that being vain is perfectly fine—that it’s actually normal and something one should embrace and reconcile with... being at peace with oneself, whatever—even that is usually driven by that same vanity. It's done for oneself, not for me. As the saying goes, the dog doesn't bark for the sake of the village... and I see that clearly in myself. I am that dog, and I don't bark for the village; I bark for myself. And even my desire to bark for the village, just once, is ultimately a selfish wish. Damn.

You could always look at this as a hobby; some people enjoy being spiteful while others just indulge in mental gymnastics. Perhaps this entire intellectual debate 🤣 is something you're addicted to—either you're chasing an "intellectual orgasm" where "it's normal to be vain" 😂 or you're simply addicted to the performance of intellectuality itself. 😁 😉

Offtopic: I have the exact same problem, because instead of writing my term paper, I'm sitting here acting like a know-it-all. 🤣 bad Lila, ba-a-a-ad 🙂 😁

Samuel Miller21 said:My internet cut out on me this morning, so I didn't get a chance to tell you how much I appreciated your words. You truly managed to comfort me—and honestly, you even put a smile on my face. 😘
Thank you.

Honestly, I don't really care if my car breaks down or gets totaled. I’m not exactly the type of person who obsesses over technical specs or demands high-performance engineering. As long as it gets me from point A to point B, I'm satisfied. 😁Honestly, I sometimes find myself wishing I could just be tucked away in an intensive care unit somewhere, maybe with a medical wrap over my mouth so I wouldn't even have to deal with the burden of answering questions. Wouldn't it be something? To simply lie there, existing in a state of total stillness, just vegetating until the world around me finally shifts into something different.
Or perhaps it is simply my own attempt to find a justification for being lazy.
I felt a wave of embarrassment this morning when I realized my last post sounded so incredibly dark... please believe me when I say I’m not actually in that headspace. Writing those kinds of things is just how I process stress and try to find some sense of calm. Still, it feels a bit heavy to look back on. To make matters worse, I ended up failing another exam, so I think I’ll give myself permission to wallow just a little bit today. I am officially postponing all self-control until tomorrow; today, I'm just letting myself feel the weight of it all.

At the very least, you have managed to forge a single association with the concept of fairness that isn't steeped in nothing but shame and guilt. 😘

Quincy:

So, what is your major? You mentioned that you see yourself reflected in the opening post; does that imply you have a completely different set of interests—perhaps an affinity for the arts as well? It’s funny how things work out. I went ahead and enrolled in exactly what I thought I wanted—Computer Science at MIT—thinking it was my true calling. Yet, even that didn't bring me any sense of fulfillment. Now, looking back, I feel like I'm losing interest in that field entirely. Reading this introductory post, I almost find myself envying the author. Sure, the path isn't easy, but at least there is some semblance of passion involved. There are plenty of obstacles to face, certainly—but isn't it actually worse when you become completely indifferent, where nothing seems to pull at you anymore?

And I am the computer science department.

My interests lie elsewhere, and I'm honestly not quite sure if I could even classify what I do as art. I write certain things, though I struggle to decide whether they truly qualify as poetry or if they fall into a different category altogether. 😁
To be honest, poetry just isn't how I define myself. I don't look at my own work and see someone like Sylvia Plath or anything of that caliber; I simply don't feel that level of creative abundance within me. 😁 In order to truly be perceived as a potential artist, perhaps even a poet, one must consider what is required to inhabit that identity authentically. Is it enough to simply possess the inclination, or does one need to cultivate a certain presence? To be taken seriously in those creative circles, there is an art to how one presents their soul to the world.
Perhaps I should view this as a facet of my own identity that I am compelled to weave into something greater. It is, quite frankly, the most intense passion I possess. There is this profound, driving desire to truly grasp the human condition—specifically when navigating the complexities of mental health and psychological struggles. This pull toward psychology and its various analytical branches isn't just an interest; it is a fundamental part of who I am.
I have recently found myself quite fascinated by astrology—though I am fully aware that such an interest might cause me to lose some standing in the eyes of the rationalists among us. 😳Even without any grounding in actual reality, I find the whole concept absolutely fascinating. There is something deeply captivating about such an ancient way of interpreting the human condition—it represents perhaps the most complex system of personality typing ever devised. To me, it isn't really about using it as some sort of predictive tool; rather, I see it as an inexhaustible collection of symbols, a truly remarkable architecture of the human psyche.
If I were to distill everything we’ve discussed into a single concept, I would point toward psychology—specifically, something akin to a psychoanalytic approach.
That is more or less my take, 🙂

Regarding that final point you made, a close friend of mine actually said something very similar... there is a certain happiness found in knowing there is an underlying force pulling at you, but I am not entirely sure. It also seems to trigger this sense of hysteria or suffocation; you find yourself physically doing one thing while your mind is occupied by another, eventually resulting in complete paralysis and total resignation.

As for you, I get the distinct impression that you have the potential to be a philosopher. I have gathered the sense that you genuinely relish these philosophical debates, and you possess a rather divergent way of thinking—one where a single starting point can blossom into a vast array of potential questions. I don't know... I certainly wouldn't claim to be an expert capable of offering a truly competent critique, but that is simply my impression. 🤷

Oh, and if you ever decide to work on that little gadget again, perhaps you could integrate a function for a painless shutdown... (unless I am being too dark here) just a way to facilitate a temporary shutdown.
It would save him from having to loop endlessly while dealing with those "index was out of range" errors and similar exceptions.

I also thought Apement was a philosopher; his way of expressing himself and his reasoning is definitely philosophical. 😲 👍
And this is just adorable 😍, can I be the maid of honor when you two finally meet—whether you meet fairly or not, with fairness or without it, amidst all the philosophy, psychology, astrology, and whatever else is required? 😍 🤣
(p.s. I promise there won't be anything involving 0s and 1s at the wedding, just songs, astrology, philosophy, the human soul, psychology... personally, I'll be writing verses on the walls and philosophical quotes—ah 😍🤣)
I'm joking around a bit, but seriously, you two are quite sweet. 😍

mistybison said:That is absolutely true! I once held a job that I truly loathed, and it made me resent my colleagues, myself, and honestly, the whole world. If I had tried to just "accept my fate," I wouldn't have lasted more than three days before breaking down and crying for an hour straight, thinking how I'd rather be starving than face that office again. Just thinking about it now! 😢 And then there was the constant commentary from everyone around me: "A job is just a job," "Think of all the people who would kill for your position," "Look at all the benefits you have," "Money is what matters," "What else would you do? So many people are unemployed," "Just be grateful you have something," or "Even John and Lazarus 😬 are thrilled with their roles, yet here you are complaining." It was all just different versions of the same dismissive attitude. 😁 Consequently, I had to pretend to be fine both at the office and in my private life. I could only breathe when I was alone; the rest of the time, I was essentially living a lie. 😢

No amount of money can motivate me enough to endure something that goes against my very core. I wish it were different—life would certainly be easier. I truly envy those who can feel and think that way! 😢 I also admire anyone who carries a genuine passion within them, much like a dedicated hobbyist. If I possessed that kind of drive, I know I would move heaven and earth to achieve it. 🙂

Regarding the topic, you haven't wasted your life. 🙂 You’ve gained a fascinating experience and significant knowledge that will likely influence your new career path: life follows unpredictable routes, sometimes circling back to things we thought we left behind, just in a different form. There is a new passion waiting for you that deserves your full commitment. Don't push it away; stay involved, even if it starts as a hobby like sculpting. New opportunities will emerge once you take that first step. 🙂 If you deny that part of yourself, you'll end up feeling like a zombie, just going through the motions while life becomes increasingly hollow. Don't settle for merely surviving when you have the chance to truly live. 🙂

Exactly. Living someone else's life instead of your own will always catch up to you eventually. People might call you "selfish," but you are being selfish toward yourself and others if you don't choose what brings you joy. You cannot give anything meaningful to others if you are rotting from the inside.
👍👍 🙏 Enchantress, you have such a beautiful way of expressing yourself. After reading your posts, I always find myself feeling inspired. I am not sure why, but I do. 🤣

Samuel Miller21 said:Samuel Miller21, have you ever considered opening your own career counseling practice for people struggling with their professional direction? I have a strong feeling you would truly excel at it. 😍 😉

Is that so? Well, once I finally sort out my own professional path and get my life together, I might consider it—provided that "career coaching" actually becomes my niche. 😂

Samuel Miller21 said:Reading this gave me chills... it makes me feel like nature is trying to send me some kind of sign 😁 though that could easily be interpreted in too many directions given my current state of mind.

I’ll add myself to the list of those who see themselves reflected in these words... I'm in my fourth year at MIT, and while I've managed to pass everything so far, this fourth year has hit me like a wall. I'm stuck. I can't move forward. I might have an oral exam tomorrow, but today, my entire body is failing me. My kidneys are acting up, among other things I won't go into detail about if I want to maintain some shred of dignity, assuming I haven't already lost it. 😁
I also firmly believe there is a field out there where I would be better—or at least, where I could give more of myself, more authentically.
I wasn't a bad student (at least, I wasn't until this final year) in my major, but I am painfully aware that I will never be a great engineer, not even close. Some of the people who started alongside me, even those who were barely scraping by in lectures, are miles ahead of me now (and I truly respect them 🙏)... they are nearing graduation and are already landing positions at top-tier companies and so on.

Just thinking about the idea of not enrolling in a new degree, or finding another way to pursue the path that has always drawn me in, causes me physical pain.
Once again, I find myself surrounded by people who seem genuinely repulsed by the mere idea of me pivoting toward a different path—even my closest friends, the ones who supposedly know me best, can't wrap their heads around it.

I’m not sharing this to seek pity... it is simply an impulsive reaction after reading about someone else facing a strikingly similar dilemma.

So, I have to wonder: is it selfish, irresponsible, or perhaps even childish to change course after a specific group of people has already rallied behind us in such a short amount of time? Hmm...
We had a choice, we made a decision, and we aren't children here to whine or play the victim by pretending life has simply crushed us. Surely, one ought to stand by their word. 🤷

On the other hand, how does one actually follow through when even your own body begins to fail you? When you start feeling suffocated by the very life you built? When you walk down a street in Chicago and find yourself thinking how wonderful it would be to just sit in a park and fade away—to simply cease existing—because you honestly struggle to see the point in continuing to consume oxygen alongside people who are actually out there making something of themselves.

I truly don't know. 😢

No, that is an incorrect definition of "selfishness." To be truly altruistic toward others, you first have to be good to yourself. If you haven't been kind to yourself—whether due to circumstances within or outside of your control—and you finally realize you can fix that, then you practically have a duty to do what you feel is right deep down. Anything else is just living someone else's life instead of your own, and sooner or later, that comes back to haunt you. I know exactly what I am talking about; I speak from experience. 😁
Fortunately, I managed to pull myself away from my own wrong path in time. It was ugly. It was difficult. There were days when I thought I would lose my mind, but—it wasn't just about it being worth it, it was about how I 😍 😍 😍

On the other hand, how do you actually execute that when even your own body starts failing you? When you start feeling suffocated by your own existence. When you walk down the street and think how nice it would be to just sit in a park and vanish, to simply fade away, because you honestly don't see the point in continuing to consume oxygen for people who are actually out there doing something meaningful with their lives.

I really don't know. 😢

I don't know either, but where is all this guilt coming from? "Consuming oxygen for people who are actually doing something meaningful"—well, if the last four years haven't involved doing something meaningful, then what exactly is? 🤷 Give yourself some slack here!
Besides, there are always ways to bridge the past and the present, especially nowadays when everything is interconnected and everything can be monetized.

placidranger said:My old man decided to head back to college at 43.
He’d finally had enough after two decades of staring at spreadsheets in some cubicle—just total burnout. He enrolled in a part-time program about sixty miles away, knocked everything out right on schedule, and now he's hunting for a new gig. He worked full-time while studying, too; managed to cut a deal with his manager to flex his hours and make up the time later.

That whole "it's too late" narrative? It's complete nonsense.
edit:
I suppose—and I hate to say this—it probably helped him that he doesn't have his own father hovering over him anymore, criticizing every move or trying to dictate his life.

👍👍👍 🙏 Anything is possible if you just grit your teeth and do it!

rapidskipper842 said:Maybe you'll catch a little spark of excitement right at the finish line of your PhD.—it happens more often than you'd think.
It’s still a massive win, even if it doesn't feel quite as fulfilling as you expected.
Just try to appreciate where you are—so many people never even get the chance to go to college, let alone earn a doctorate.
Honestly, how many people actually get everything they ever wanted? Maybe we only feel empty because we finally have nothing left to chase.🤷

Give me a break with this "just be grateful for what you have" advice. Seriously. If someone isn't feeling grateful for their current situation, how are they supposed to be? You can't just force gratitude upon someone by beating them into submission. 🙄 The argument that things could be worse for others, so you should just be okay with your own state, simply doesn't hold water. It's on par with those therapists who tell people struggling with depression to "be happy because there are children starving in Africa"—what kind of help is that actually? 🙄
If a person isn't happy, they AREN'T HAPPY. This moralizing about how "life is suffering" is just a reflection of that oppressive mindset prevalent in our culture. So—
just leave the guy alone! Yes, a person possesses the potential for happiness, and it is their DUTY to pursue their dream if they see one. Not at the expense of others, obviously, but there has to be some sort of compromise between one's own desires and the desires of others (like family, etc.). One cannot spend an entire lifetime subordinating themselves to the wishes of others, as that inevitably leads to misery.

If he has realized that he isn't happy, I say CONGRATULATIONS to him. Most people never even reach that realization. That awareness is the very first step toward achieving true happiness, and he should be fully supported in that. 👍

Samuel Phillips2 said:Do what? I'm stuck in Chicago for work four days a week—then I spend the other three back home with family. I can't exactly spend my time off out in the garage hacking away at some firewood.

You can. In fact, you absolutely must. Think about what happens to your kids if you stay stuck in this rut—if their father keeps acting like this, he’s going to spiral into a depression, and then he won't be able to hold down a job at all. Who's going to provide for them then? 😉 That is why you need to take action to ignite your own ambitions. Even if it means working right alongside your day job or losing sleep, you have to do it. Having a college degree doesn't define your worth if you actually have talent. Especially nowadays, when art and creativity can be distributed by anyone, not just people following traditional career paths. So, get to work!

Sam Hall59 said:The question in my title 😢—also, how does one actually become more likable, approachable, and social? Any tips would be much appreciated.

It’s quite simple, really. It comes down to practice. 😉 If you deliberately throw yourself into situations where you’re forced to interact with strangers, then move on to acquaintances, and eventually find yourself rubbing elbows with the heavy hitters... behavioral techniques can be incredibly effective there.

In medical circles, it might not be a standard diagnosis, but among the general public, people often refer to it as being a "night owl." 🤣 😉

First, we need to establish what you actually mean by "capable." Are we talking about raw intelligence, specialized skill, quick thinking, or manual dexterity? One can be intelligent, skilled, fast, and agile in an infinite number of ways. That’s why this question feels misguided; competence is such a deeply individual trait, yet you're treating it as a broad, sweeping characteristic that allows for any kind of logical conclusion.

Ultimately, this discussion just boils down to everyone sharing their own anecdotal experiences regarding the capabilities of the opposite sex, and frankly, I have a nagging feeling this isn't going to end particularly well. 🤣

Gregory Wells6 said:I had a conversation with my daughter’s psychiatrist the other day—we were diving into the whole borderline personality disorder topic—and she made an interesting point. She mentioned that you can't really pin down a BPD diagnosis with absolute certainty until someone hits about 25 years old. Apparently, that's when all those developmental stages finally wrap up—you know, the physiological stuff and the hormonal shifts too. She went into much more technical detail than I could follow—mentioning things like neurotransmitters and brain myelin sheath maturation—but that was the gist of it. She also noted how some folks in America tend to over-diagnose it even in very young children; she actually shared a chilling case where a toddler as young as two and a half was labeled with it, and they ended up medicating them so heavily that it actually caused their death. For now, she’s ruled out BPD for my daughter, suggesting instead that she's dealing with depression and self-destructive tendencies. So, I suppose I'm just left waiting until she turns 25 to see what the official verdict will be.

Perhaps there is a simpler path: encouraging her to channel all that internal turbulence into something constructive. Finding a passion could be transformative. I believe someone else here already touched on this—maybe something through DeviantArt or joining a band. That kind of outlet usually resonates deeply with teenagers at this stage of life.
Regarding the diagnosis, it isn't strictly true that BPD cannot be identified before 25. It can certainly be diagnosed during puberty, though many doctors remain cautious. They worry about over-diagnosing because people often lump various issues under the BPD umbrella, and frankly, many people exhibit certain borderline traits without actually having the clinical disorder.
If she were to find a meaningful pursuit, her struggles would likely diminish or perhaps disappear entirely. We shouldn't jump straight to heavy medical interventions like medication without first exploring every other possible avenue.😉

Gregory Wells6 said:I have a question. Is it actually possible to mistake Borderline Personality Disorder for just some intense teenage growing pains?
To give you some context, I have a daughter who fits about 95% of the description for someone living with that disorder. She’s 16 and a half now, but things started shifting drastically when she was around 14—by last year, she had become a textbook example of this condition. It’s been everything—drugs, alcohol, boys, self-harm, suicidal manipulation... she’s even cycled through four or five different therapists, running away from every single one as soon as they get close enough to actually understand her world. She’s constantly reliving the past, stuck on old grievances, has zero trust in anyone, stays superficial in her relationships, and is incredibly self-centered—basically, she thinks she's the center of the universe. However, while she’s still having crises this year, it feels like they are finally starting to taper off. There's no more drugs (well, I hope not!) and she’s settled down her social circle; she doesn't go out nearly as much, and overall, she seems much more composed than she was last year. The one thing she absolutely refuses to do? Study—even though she is incredibly bright.
Aside from that, things are slowly stabilizing. She is still an extremely difficult and demanding person to be around, and she still has those sudden crashes and outbursts, but they are far less frequent and much less intense than they were last year. We finally found a therapist who uses a completely different approach—all her previous ones just catered to her whims, which allowed her to manipulate them like they were little clowns. This new therapist actually challenges her, pushes her buttons, and provokes her into thinking; yet, for some reason I can't quite wrap my head around, she actually respects her and won't walk away.
Is it possible for this disorder to manifest during puberty and then naturally subside as she moves into adulthood? And is there such a thing as "stages" or varying levels of severity for this condition?

Not only is it possible, but I recently read that almost every teenager goes through something resembling bipolar disorder—that it's practically a normal part of adolescence—so why wouldn't borderline be similar?😉 Perhaps it wouldn't matter anyway; you could just send them to talk to a psychologist, simply so they have someone to share their worries with (since kids that age rarely turn to their parents for that kind of thing).

Emily Chavez31 said:A lot of people show up here looking for some kind of Hail Mary, a final lifeline. Suicide is just... it's the ultimate tragedy. It's the worst way for anyone to go. And then everyone starts asking "why?" and "how could this happen?" only after the damage is already done. You really have to try and talk someone down when they've hit rock bottom and are ready to end it all.
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So, what would you actually say to someone standing on the edge of a cliff, clearly intending to jump? Assuming you aren't just walking past them without a care in the world and you don't even have your phone handy to call 911.

I’d probably take them by the hand and say, "Look, you can always jump after we grab a coffee. What’s an extra hour or two of life compared to the eternity waiting for you on the other side?" 🤣 Then, during those two hours, I’d take them for coffee first, maybe convince them to swap the caffeine for five or six shots of bourbon instead, let them vent everything they’ve been hiding from themselves, from me, or from anyone else. After that, I’d bring in a therapist to sit with them for an hour and work through the heavy stuff. I guarantee they wouldn't want to do it anymore. 🤣

I'm being a bit lighthearted here, but as someone else already pointed out—people just need to be heard. They need to feel seen. It really is that simple.

It might be best if you sought out a professional to talk things through. I’m not suggesting that no one else can offer support, but people generally find it easier to open up to an expert. It is often much simpler to dismantle those internal walls we build for ourselves within a clinical setting. That specific kind of professional relationship creates an atmosphere where a person can actually relax, knowing that nobody there is working against them—everyone is simply there to help...

Ugh, here we go again ☕ well, I’m finally 😉, send

Austin Hernandez11 said:Nailing your manicure and sipping tea three times a day isn't just about staying busy...
It’s a strategic way to avoid doing something else—specifically, actually studying.

Actually, even "something else" can be a distraction used to avoid thinking. It's a way to avoid being alone with one's own thoughts. A way to run away from oneself.😉

There's a really insightful article on this topic here:

Austin Hernandez11 said:This actually makes perfect sense when you look at everything else written here and the situation freia laid out in her opening post.
Mick Jagger is definitely a better option than just rotting in bed all day.
The truth is, both paths share one thing in common: aimlessness.

Of course, Mick Jagger won't solve the core issue by itself—especially if it's the wrong kind of movement (like constantly going out drinking with the crowd...) or if it’s just a way to pretend we're making progress. The real question is: where are we actually going? Are we moving forward, or just spinning our wheels?
When you actually accomplish something and feel useful, you get a sense of satisfaction. Or, at the very least, it eases the conscience a bit.
If we choose to use that momentum creatively, we start noticing the people entering our "space," becoming more aware of what's happening and the opportunities available.
Regarding the reshuffling of impressions in the brain, I was referring to how the brain processes information normally. We often (and women tend to be more prone to this) find ourselves constantly analyzing and obsessively looping the same data points. Sometimes, a single new piece of info drops and suddenly the whole puzzle clicks into place.
Here’s an example: I broke up with my boyfriend—and I truly believe we loved each other—but we were fighting constantly. I tried to bend to his will, but he refused to see my needs. I struggled so much, second-guessing if I made the right call by ending it... I felt so low that even getting out of bed felt impossible. (Sound familiar? Maybe to some of you...) And then, I head to a pool party at the local YMCA... and there I meet him... this incredible guy, etc., etc.

Yes, the key word is "decide." Between lying around listlessly and engaging in some unnecessary Mick Jagger—always pick the movement. It's much harder to do that than to simply stay "asleep" for too long.

I think movement is a good thing here, but it isn't the ultimate solution—that would be like putting a Band-Aid on a broken arm.
First of all, there's the matter of what kind of movement we're talking about. Any mindless activity—like, say, getting a manicure—is just superficial patching. We should be looking for goal-oriented movement that offers actual fulfillment... For instance, figuring out what you want from life and then moving in a direction that might eventually pull you out of this existential crisis.

The only question is what to do in the meantime, because this is a process that takes time.

Get a manicure, I guess. 🤣 Hahahaha, I've lost my train of thought entirely. 😂