Posts by Sean Cruz

Jose Carter2 said:Politeness isn't some byproduct of Hollywood movies (even if American culture does push that image of constant smiling)... it’s really just a trait of educated people and the upper class.... which is practically non-existent here in the States.

40% of folks barely finished elementary school
40% max with a high school diploma

Every second or third word is an insult—idiot, moron, jerk, son of a bitch, bastard, goddamn piece of shit... just endless swearing.

Angry faces, terrible diets, obesity, pure frustration, that permanent scowl... and apparently, it's all the fault of the Masons, aliens, evil bankers, wicked capitalists, those guys over there, those guys over here...

"Where the hell are you going, you prick?" I remember being in the USA and getting annoyed because these "stupid" Americans were constantly smiling at me. I was thinking, damn it, why are you grinning like you won the lottery?

Just these "clueless" Americans, acting like they're something special because they smile. God, if we actually went over there, we'd teach them a lesson. They think they've been conquered by that Rothschild guy and that his bankers rule the whole world.

But the reality is, these "stupid," polite Americans built the number one superpower in everything.
Those "brilliant," angry locals—we've just created apathetic, broken societies that do nothing but complain. We've been stuck in economic stagnation for a decade, jobs are gone, corruption is everywhere, hospitals are falling apart, and everyone is just trying to get out...

Right. They certainly used that legendary politeness to tear apart Iraq and every other country they decide is worth looting. And let’s not forget how "overly polite" they are at Guantanamo. Bravo.

Matthew Adams4 said:Signed, sealed, delivered. I love being polite and I love it when others are too. I steer clear of people who are constantly pissed off. If someone gets on my nerves, I’m not gonna be sweet to them—I’ll just ghost them and move on.

Why are you conflating forced intimacy with being polite? Telling someone you love them isn't being nice; it's being aggressive.

Can someone give us a definition so we know if we're even talking about the same thing?

I was actually responding to the original poster, who clearly laid out the parameters of this discussion. If you had bothered to read her initial posts, you would have understood the context yourself.

And frankly, excessive politeness can be just as aggressive.

Jerry Ramos90 said:Yeah, I agree, especially regarding the "over-the-top" part.
Some people here are mixing up excessive politeness with just being decent. I have nothing against being polite.
Nobody is saying waiters or people in general need to be assholes. It’s just when they’re way too bubbly right off the bat.
Those people who want to please you so much it actually starts to get annoying. They won't leave you alone.
Like service where you walk into a restaurant and they're hovering over you, trying to cater to you more than you ever asked for or even needed.
Doesn't that feel a little fake to you? 🤷

People you’ve literally just met acting with this forced intimacy that makes you feel kind of weirded out. But again, you can't exactly say they aren't being "nice." (For example, someone might just view both groups as sleazy 😠 )

So if you think about it... how can these overly polite people be so sweet to someone they don't even know?
I guess my conclusion is that it doesn't really matter to them. These overly polite types probably just care about themselves and making a good impression. All that kindness is basically just masked indifference and superficiality. 🤔

Well put. 👍
It's the same thing for the person who finds all those overly nice, polite people totally grating. 🙂
(While they'll often be impressed by reserved people who don't try too hard)

Obviously, not everyone sees it that way, and not everyone interprets excessive politeness as hypocrisy. Some think the people who are bothered by it are just confusing hypocrisy with politeness, which would be a result of some personal complexes. I personally think that person reads people pretty well, and there's something to it. Like, their aversion to those types of people is probably more of a good intuition than some deep-seated complex.
But maybe I'm wrong. 🤷

Being fake-nice right off the bat = acting
yeah, probably. I guess that's why she finds super polite people annoying from the jump. because they're just performing.

A new coworker told my friend—whom she had only known for a few days—that she loved her, and then asked if my friend felt the same way. 😬 From the very start, this woman was pushing this intense, over-the-top friendliness and politeness that just felt wrong, and it really rubbed my friend the wrong way.

The question is: does my friend have a "problem" for being repulsed by behavior and statements that clearly just trigger antipathy, or is it the coworker who is out of line for asking those kinds of questions to someone she barely knows?

As it turned out, after some time passed, there was something else entirely behind that behavior—certainly not "love."

so when you think about it... how can people who are excessively kind be so nice to someone they don't even know?
I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't really matter. Most likely, these overly polite people only care about themselves and making a good impression. That entire display of kindness is basically just a mask for indifference and superficiality. 🤔

You're right about that too; people who treat everyone with that same level of performative warmth are usually shallow, and sometimes there's an ulterior motive hidden behind all that politeness. People tend to open up to anyone using that approach, and the other party can easily take advantage of that...

placidrider18 said:I’m totally on the same page as Paper. Honestly, if someone gets triggered by basic kindness, they’ve either got some deep-seated issues they need to work through or they’re fundamentally confusing being polite with being a hypocrite.

We’re talking about excessive politeness here, not basic manners. And honestly, those people who are constantly over-the-top friendly? They’re usually hypocrites through and through, and they can be incredibly grating. That doesn't mean anyone who finds overly intense people annoying has "problems."

Larry Wilson25 said:Just because one person took a swing at you doesn't mean everyone else is out to get you.

Look, being kind—actually being decent—is just how you communicate when you're working in service industries where you're dealing with people all day. If someone hates that kind of attitude, honestly? That’s their own baggage to deal with. This whole trend of people getting all aggressive and short-tempered in customer service... it's like a cancer, really. It just drags everyone else down into that negative hole with them, even the folks who thought they had a handle on things.

I'm really feeling what Paper is saying here.

Look, there's a massive difference between basic courtesy and being overly saccharine. Both extreme politeness and constant hostility are two sides of the same bad coin. True etiquette means being polite enough to get the job done. In any service role—whether it’s a barista at Starbucks or a clerk at Target—their job is to take my order or answer a specific question if I have one. Anything beyond that scope feels forced and, frankly, pretty annoying.

As much as it grates on my nerves when people are rude, I find that excessive, fake politeness actually makes me feel physically ill. And don't even get me started on retail workers who hover every three seconds asking if I "need help"—it’s borderline suffocating.

In this world, people who walk around with those permanent, plastic smiles are the very last group of people I’d ever want to know, let alone call a friend.

And no, I’m not being rude or uncultured. It’s just that I wouldn't touch a career in sales even if someone offered me all the money in the world.😁

Jerry Ramos90 said:I know someone who absolutely can't stand people who are overly polite. It’s especially bad when they just met them or are just having a brief interaction. Whenever someone is being way too nice or performatively courteous—like a server at a local diner, for example—it totally gets under her skin. That excessive warmth, being super approachable, or just trying too hard to please everyone. People who are just wide open and overly friendly... man. She stays far away from that. 😠
Personally, I'm the opposite. I always fall for those types of people who are immediately open and easy to talk to.
I honestly can't wrap my head around why she has this specific repulsion toward them, though it's pretty interesting since she's actually really good at reading people. (Whereas I'm terrible at it.)
What do you guys think is actually going on behind all that forced politeness? What are their motives? 🤔 What kind of negative associations might someone like her have with that kind of personality? 🤷 And does it irritate you when people are super friendly right off the bat? Or do you find it attractive?

How can you not figure it out if the person is actually good at judging character?

I’ve never had much patience for people who are overly polite. It isn't some "specific aversion"—it's just a natural reaction to people who are clearly putting on an act.

rustymaker5 said:I should probably just mention that I didn't actually start this thread myself; these posts were all migrated over from the Philosophy chat, so I’m really not looking to dwell on it any longer than necessary.
But since we’re dealing with spirituality here, Imagine, who knows what kind of things might surface... 😍

Dreams of a utopia usually spiral into dystopia or just end up being an addiction to harder drugs. 😁

lonegardener said:I have to admit, I’m pretty confused by this too.

It sounds like a purely pragmatic move; for instance, the idea that the site "protects its regulars" because it wants them to keep coming back. There’s a logical assumption that people won't return to a community where they feel openly insulted.

But still, it feels bizarre to say you can make offensive generalizations or insult a third party, yet you aren't allowed to "insult" an individual regular. 🤷

To be honest, I haven't a clue how you even solve a dilemma like this. It probably can't be solved.

But what actually constitutes an insult? If you tell someone they are being foolish because you truly believe they are, there are only two outcomes: they take offense because they recognize the truth in it, or they don't care because they know it isn't true. In that case, how are we supposed to categorize the first scenario—as a statement of fact, or as an insult?🤷

rustymaker5 said:Look, I get it—ignoring someone when there's zero common ground or they’re just totally uninteresting to you makes perfect sense. But then what's the whole point of all the fighting and the constant need to throw insults?
Does that mean the person being attacked and insulted instead of just being ignored is actually considered worth communicating with somehow?

I honestly have no idea why people feel the need to lash out at others. I've always been on the "other" side of that dynamic.

The assumption behind arguing with someone who holds completely different views is usually that the topic itself is interesting, not necessarily the person you're debating.

But we're human. Sometimes there's this undeniable urge to push back against something that feels intuitively wrong. It doesn't always mean you dislike the individual; it just means their core stances hit a nerve that you find fundamentally unacceptable.

The whole point of this forum is to actually debate. Most of my time is spent talking to people I completely disagree with, because what’s the point of a discussion if we’re just nodding along and patting each other on the back? 🤷

True, there used to be plenty of people here who were just looking for a group hug. Fortunately, they don't show up much anymore.

I honestly don't mind if someone tells me exactly what they think, even if their approach is ad hominem. I don't see how that could ever be considered an "equivalent" to a physical confrontation in real life. And even if it were, I can hold my own...

Ignoring someone is the best move when you realize there's simply nothing worth discussing, they aren't interesting enough for any kind of dialogue, and you truly couldn't care less about what they have to say.

Look, I’ve already tried this with two different devices, and it’s the exact same story every time. It automatically triggers the download of mobogenie_122140253.apk and then pops up a notification claiming the system is infected with viruses.

Matthew Kim8 said:Is anyone actually monitoring this PDF, or does anyone on the admin team even check on the site's functionality?
I’m seeing the exact same description as jadebadger12 mentioned above.

I'm feeling the same way; this is getting incredibly frustrating. Trying to load a page on my phone has become nearly impossible. I've tested this on several different devices, all running standard antivirus software, and the result is always the same.

John Taylor10 said:I don’t know—if you ask me, I’d say she’s having some kind of mental breakdown; she just can't seem to grasp that he was merely acting foolishly. That night, she had been planning this whole dinner outing—really pushing him to go, too—while he kept making excuses about being swamped at work and such. Then, out of nowhere, she overhears him on the phone, flirting heavily with this other woman, telling her how badly he needs to see her, and then actually calling her up that very same evening. He... well, he just wanted to blow off some steam, I suppose, and thank God she caught that conversation when she did—she managed to convince herself that nothing physical had happened between them yet—but in her eyes, this is essentially cheating, because if she hadn't overheard him, who knows where things might have headed.

I manage to calm her down once in a while, though usually only for a moment; the second she sees any happy couple doing something sweet, she immediately brings up what her husband did to her and starts crying all over again.

Try to talk her into seeing a psychiatrist again. If the first one wasn't a good fit, find someone else, but insist that you sit in on a session to explain how she's been acting since she overheard that call. These symptoms shouldn't be ignored, and you're right to be worried.

placidmason58 said:Judging others seems to be a universal pastime, doesn't it? People love to cast stones and slap labels on everyone they see, rarely pausing to consider the underlying reasons behind someone else's actions. It’s far too easy to point a finger the moment someone slips up, and frankly, some people seem to derive a twisted sense of superiority from it—it feeds their ego.

Do you find yourself frequently judging those around you, and more importantly, how do you handle the weight of it when the spotlight turns on you and you're the one being judged?

Exactly. And anyone who thinks they are "above it all" or immune to judging others is living in a total fantasy.

Why is there such a drive to judge people and their actions without actually understanding the underlying causes? When someone else slips up, most people jump to conclusions immediately—some even seem to enjoy it, using it as a way to feed their own ego.

I’d argue that superficial judgment often stems from a fear of difference—a discomfort with things we don't understand. However, not all judgment is shallow. Humans have intuitive dislikes; if someone displays certain traits that lead to specific behaviors we find naturally repelling, I don't see why we shouldn't call it out.

So, despite the popular idea that we only judge when we're feeling bitter or frustrated, I don't think that's strictly true. While dissatisfaction might make easy, knee-jerk judgments more likely, it doesn't change the fact that certain things are just instinctively off-putting. If we take a hard look in the mirror, we'll find plenty of things we disagree with, regardless of how much political correctness is pushed on us today.

Besides, judgment doesn't always have to be directed at a person's entire being; you can judge specific traits or individual actions.

On the flip side, I don't view condemning negative social trends as a bad thing. In fact, seeing whether or not someone criticizes those societal issues tells me a lot about their actual character.

Do you find yourself judging others frequently, and how do you react when the spotlight turns on you and you're the one being judged?

Yes, though I do my best (and occasionally succeed 😁) to avoid making snap judgments. As for being judged myself, it really depends on the source. If it comes from someone close to me, I tend to reflect on what went wrong. But if it comes from someone I don't respect or someone I don't even know, I remain pretty indifferent.

At the end of the day, I am my own harshest critic.

Paul Martinez2 said:Reading through these comments is honestly quite upsetting.

Of course I would help a stranger if I were able to, let alone my own mother.

When you say she abused you mentally and physically, what does that actually entail? Are we talking about being disciplined as a child, or perhaps her not letting you stay out late when you were sixteen?

Looking at your story, it seems like everything revolves entirely around your own perspective.
Maybe try helping your mother by actually asking her what is going on in her life instead of making assumptions based on photos. Did you also conclude that you were solely to blame for everything else just by looking at pictures?

Perhaps it is time to take charge of your life and act with more maturity and responsibility.

If you had actually read this thread with any level of comprehension—picking up on what the author said both explicitly and between the lines—you probably wouldn't be so shocked.

YES, I would help a man off the street if I were able, and I certainly wouldn't hesitate to help my own mother!!
.....
Take control of your life and start acting like a responsible, mature adult!!

For someone claiming to advocate for compassion, you’re coming across as incredibly aggressive with all those exclamation points. If this is how you behave out in public, I highly doubt anyone would ever approach you for help.

Austin Garcia3 said:Thanks everyone, you guys have been such a huge help!
I already knew deep down that I shouldn't stick my neck out—especially since she isn't even remotely ready for an honest conversation. And honestly? She’d need to at least own up to her own mistakes before anyone should be jumping in to play the martyr for her.
I can already see how it would go... in a fit of rage, she’d probably wreck half the house and then just retreat back to an environment where that kind of behavior is totally normalized.
The thing is, she's dealing with some massive issues, but she's never once stepped foot in a therapist's office. Ever since I was little, her behavior has always been excused by people saying she just "has thin skin"—which is basically our family way of sweeping everything under the rug. For a while, I actually thought maybe I could be the one to talk sense into her and get her to go to counseling. But the answer is always the same: "You just have to love me for who I am." So yeah, there's no doubt about it—she expects me to just sacrifice my entire life for her sake. And I'm just not doing that.
The rest of the family—my grandma and her mom, mostly—isn't helping one bit. If anything, they make it worse. Plus, my friends don't really know how bad things actually are, so I haven't felt comfortable opening up to them. That's why I wanted to say thanks again to all of you for taking the time to reply and for giving me the courage to stay out of it.

Reading those parts of your story was heavy enough, and I can only imagine what you've actually endured. 😢

I also want to touch on that "you have to love her as she is" sentiment. No, you don't. Being your biological mother doesn't give her a free pass to act this way, especially when she's dealing with mental health issues and refusing treatment. Some people with mental illness can be incredibly manipulative, using their condition to weaponize guilt against everyone else. I think you're thinking very clearly and refusing to let yourself be broken. Of course, she is still your mother, and if she truly needs help, you should support her—just not at the expense of destroying your own life.

Austin Garcia3 said:So, I’m dealing with some heavy stuff involving my mom—she’s been physically and emotionally abusive toward me my entire life.
We don't live together, and I still make visits every now and then. I’ve finally managed to reach this super fragile kind of balance where I just dodge any serious topics to keep the peace, but we still have a relationship. The real issue is that the fighting between her and my stepfather has escalated into physical violence. Honestly, she’s usually the one instigating it more than he is, but since he’s physically stronger, he ends up being the one blamed for everything.
The other day, she sent me a photo of her forehead—there was this huge injury covering half her face that could only have come from a direct hit. Then, she claimed it was just a "rash"?! But right after that, she sends another message showing a massive bruise on her arm. It’s pretty obvious she’s crying out for help, even if she won't say it directly.
I’ve thought about asking her to come stay with me for a bit, but I know that would just open the door for her to abuse me again—and let's be real, she wouldn't even be grateful. She’d probably just take her frustrations out on me. I really don't feel like she deserves me to sacrifice myself like that. I’m in a really vulnerable spot right now with a ton of responsibilities, and I know she’d mentally drain me to the point where I'd lose focus on my work. I’ve already missed out on way too many opportunities because of her outbursts, which always leave me spiraling into depression for months at a time.
Still, I can't shake this feeling that I'm a bad person if I don't step in. I'm even terrified that something might happen to her—like, maybe an accident, like she trips down the stairs.
I'm open to any thoughts or advice you guys might have.

Help her, but not by letting her move in with you. Based on what you've described, she is still trying to manipulate you by playing the victim card.

Try to find another way to support her without exposing yourself to her potential abuse.

Sam Green73 said:I’d call it a fear of intimacy.
People who actually achieve that level of closeness end up in committed relationships, while everyone else either keeps things casual with women or claims they just "don't need it."

I don't think that's quite it. To me, this looks more like a saturation phase—something you see all the time in long-term marriages or long-standing partnerships.

Jason Campbell3 said:Hello there..

I suppose I might be spiraling into paranoia—it feels like my default setting has become purely negative lately—but the core issue is this... I find myself constantly caught in these loops of "what if" scenarios. What if this specific thing happens, or what if a certain person acts a certain way, which then triggers a chain reaction of events, and so on and so forth... By dwelling on these possibilities, I end up constructing these absolutely horrific mental movies, usually settling on the most catastrophic outcome possible. I am obsessing over things that haven't even occurred yet, and I can't help but wonder—is there actually a chance they will?

To be honest, I've been completely preoccupied recently by this nagging fear that some future event will unfold with a devastating result... Yet, when I try to logically assess the actual probability of any of this happening, I can't see it—though, in my mind, every single one of these disasters feels like an absolute certainty..

Does anyone know how to break out of this cycle?😢

Are these thoughts obsessive? As in, are they impossible to shake, where you find yourself stuck in a loop thinking about nothing else?

Amy Williams2 said:I’ve struggled with low self-esteem and a lack of confidence my entire life. Because of that, I tend to be emotionally withdrawn. I’ve always viewed others as more valuable, more popular, and just better than me. For the most part, that was true. I usually sat at the bottom of the social ladder, and quite often, I was the one people disliked.
I honestly don't know why. I’m actually a very emotional person; I care deeply about people and think about them constantly. I have immense respect for almost everyone, unless they start attacking or bullying me. In those cases, like anyone else, I stand up for myself and fight back.

The difference is, I can't just shrug off an argument like other people do. I don't just forget it in five minutes. Instead, I’m usually left feeling incredibly guilty, like I failed again. It seems I have a conscience, which clearly doesn't mean much to most people.

I’ve dealt with constant mistreatment from certain people, so I eventually stopped trying with them. It always ends the same way: people try to put me down just to feel smarter, more important, or superior. I’ve had an unbelievable amount of bad experiences with people.

I don't know if anyone else here has dealt with as many negative interactions as I have. Most of them stem from me talking too much or reacting too quickly, even though I never actually mean anything malicious (unlike some people). Now, those "other people" are the ones who are socially valued and doing great, while I get ignored by all sorts of people simply because I talk too much or say things that hit too close to home. It’s not that I think poorly of them—actually, it's the opposite—it's just that my mouth moves faster than my brain. By the time I realize what I've said, the damage is done, and they hold it against me forever.

My most recent bad experience happened on the road. Some guy attacked me because I hesitated a second too long when trying to merge onto a highway, even though there was zero chance I could have pulled out safely with the traffic moving that fast. He lashed out at me. I reacted impulsively and nearly got punched in the face. But after that, the responses I got from people on this forum absolutely floored me. They made me question my own sanity. It feels like there are way too many crazies out there protecting one another, especially when it comes to defending someone who violently attacks a woman. Most of the people in that thread seemed to agree that it’s OK for a man to lash out and beat a woman if she flips him off after he’s been harassing her. It used to be considered normal to slap a man if he was being rude or disrespectful, but apparently now you aren't allowed to react to anything he says?

Did that one incident lead you to decide all men are bad? Or have you dealt with other negative experiences with men too?