Posts by Sean Cruz

Robert Reyes4 said:Here’s my take: when we decide how to spend our energy, we shouldn't just chase things where the end result is the only thing that matters. We should pick paths where the process itself actually feels worth it. That way, if we don't hit the target—which happens more often than we'd like to admit—the time we spent won't feel like a total waste.
If we're constantly living for some distant future goal, we end up devaluing the present and missing out on life entirely. Time is pretty much all we've got.

Honestly, these are just empty platitudes. If I were to start dissecting this post, I could go on forever, but I won't bother. I'll just say this: any unachieved goal is inevitably a disappointment, regardless of whether you felt the process was "meaningful." Besides, what even defines "meaningful," and what does it actually mean to "live life"?

If failure keeps happening, it kills your drive for everything—unless you're capable of massive self-delusion to convince yourself it didn't matter that you wasted your time on something that ended in a complete disaster.

Yeah, something along those lines. 🙂

jadeowl2 said:🤣
Pure cultural enrichment, no strings attached :aureola:
An interesting gallery show, a killer concert, maybe a dance performance...

I see what you're getting at, but a big city isn't the only place for high culture.
I once watched a play outdoors, about 4,000 feet up in the mountains. 🙂

jadeowl2 said:I’ve moved through at least five different places myself (counting only spots where I stayed longer than a year or two). This is just my own opinion and experience. And obviously, I get that some people don't feel the same way. We don't all have the same priorities.

Bigger cities are probably way more important for people whose work relies on interacting with others (like artists, for instance). For me, no amount of "cultural enrichment" can make up for fresh air and peace and quiet. And like I said, whenever I need a dose of culture, I just head into the city for the weekend to get my fix.

While there's truth to what you're saying about politics in small towns, I have to admit I haven't really had any bad experiences. I just don't get involved in that mess—politics isn't my thing, and nobody’s ever suffocated me because of it. I just live my life. I say "good morning" and that's that.

As for those prejudices... it depends how you look at it. In a small town, you don't really have a choice. But in my experience, people eventually learn to accept you for who you are, sooner or later. In the city, you don't have to deal with that. You can just hang out with "your own kind." It's funny, though—all the friends I've actually kept in touch with are the ones I met in small towns. And they are incredibly diverse. It's wild how a tiny place with maybe 1,000 people can hide...

Regarding healthcare, there is a point there. Not that I really needed much, except when I was pregnant. I was a little picky about it, but honestly, I never saw it as a huge issue. Actually, I'm only just realizing that now.
If you're talking about psychological help, thank God you can pretty much handle that over Zoom nowadays.

Look, I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything; everyone knows what works for them. And it seems pretty obvious which lifestyle is winning since most people end up living in cities anyway 😉.

It really depends on what kind of "culture" we're talking about. Personally, I find my best inspiration in total silence and out in the great outdoors. 🙂

Whenever someone starts preaching about "cultural enrichment," my mind immediately jumps to the definition you'd find on Vicksburg. 😬

David Mendoza4 said:So, I’m definitely an introvert, and honestly, people usually just call me super chill or laid back.
It always feels a little awkward for me when I have to reach out to someone to ask for something or offer help, though I know I'm definitely not the only one who feels that way.
If we're talking about how some people are introverts and others are extroverts—and let's be real, most of us are actually a mix of both—wouldn't it be absolutely perfect if we could all just find careers that actually vibe with our natural personalities? Since that's obviously not always how life works, I'll just roll with it and try my best to crush whatever job I've got.
It’s just kind of frustrating because I really want to go after my full potential and lean into my talents (since everyone is gifted at something!), but right now, I just can't quite get there.
I mean, seriously, why should I have to change who I am, isn't that basically just stripping away your soul?

It really comes down to what your end goal is. If you feel like your current job is stifling your natural abilities, then go find a role that actually lets you shine.

But if you're looking to climb the corporate ladder and you have real ambition, you're going to have to adapt. The market and the professional world aren't going to bend over backward to accommodate your personality.

Joseph Bailey41 said:Systemic therapy/family constellations. I tried reading some stuff by that founder... all I can remember now is his initials were B. H., and yeah, he was a total jerk. As far as I recall, he was a missionary somewhere in Africa, then left the faith, and took some teachings from those tribes to adapt them for the Western market. But I think he got a bit confused in the process, because our lives are so different from those tribal ways... those "savages," as some call them, actually have much more organized societies, stronger intergenerational solidarity, and don't deal with nearly as much neurosis.

I honestly don't know how to frame it so it sounds reasonable. On one hand, you have systemic therapy, which offers certain insights but produces incredibly mixed results—ranging from almost miraculous healings to suicide. On the other, there’s epigenetics, the study of how lived experiences get coded into our genes and passed down, usually manifesting as specific reactions in stressful situations. The third source is my own messing around with shamanism—it's hard to translate those insights into scientifically relevant terms, but it has shed a lot of light on things for me. What I need to do is follow a sort of triangulation, connecting these three data sources to understand how they all function together. I'm managing to do it on a personal level (it would take way too long to explain now, and I'm not quite ready to be that vulnerable), but I haven't quite grasped the broader principles yet. Regardless, I know it's nothing "supernatural," even though various spiritualities mention similar things (just using different terminology, of course).

As for the shamanism part... I spoke with a woman who has made a name for herself as America's first shaman. She went on a training course in South America where she was taught by an African man. She told me how many times he asked her, "Who are you?" and she gave him all sorts of answers, none of which satisfied him. I thought they were just feeding her some Gnostic intensity regarding enlightenment (since that's the method), but finally, the African man told her, "You are nine generations of your ancestors." It was based on the Orish system, which I don't practice because I feel like it doesn't have much relevance here in the States... sure, we have roots there, but that's a very distant past. I'm studying Nordic shamanism instead, where there are similar concepts—specifically, they talk about a part of your personality inherited from your ancestors that determines how much luck you'll have in life. I know that's a "code" for something, and I know it's somehow connected to all of this, but it hasn't all clicked into place yet. It's a bit exhausting trying to bridge mainstream psychology with genetics and all that mumbo jumbo, but I guess I don't have anything better to do with my life, so I might as well mess around with it.

Oh, that's right, it just crossed my mind. It’s that guy, Krele... Bert Hellinger.

All you need to do is check Wikipedia for some references. You'll see everything from people treating Hitler like a god to absolute filth like this:
Quincy:

Sometimes, a breast cancer diagnosis hides a much deeper, silent struggle. It’s possible that a patient is subconsciously longing for death, driven by an unresolved, deep-seated conflict with her mother. It isn't just about the illness; it's about an internal war playing out beneath the surface.

Quincy:

Sexual violence and incestuous abuse forge a traumatic bond that is incredibly difficult to sever. There is this disturbing psychological necessity where the perpetrator demands a form of "respect" for being the progenitor of life, an acknowledgment of their role, before the victim is even capable of forming a healthy connection with someone else.

What really keeps me up at night is seeing certain fanatics on this forum bragging about acting as "experts" in these constellations, essentially treating this monster as their role model. It’s honestly unsettling. I can't even begin to fathom the damage people like that do to those who are mentally fragile, highly sensitive, or simply prone to manipulation.

Quincy:

I honestly don't even know how to frame this without sounding completely irrational. On one hand, you have systemic therapy, which offers some profound insights; on the other, the results are incredibly volatile. We're talking about everything from near-miraculous recoveries to actual suicide.

Look, that’s just a bit too controversial for me to be recommending to anyone.
Quincy:

Then there’s epigenetics—the study of how lived experiences actually get coded into our genes and passed down, usually manifesting as specific stress responses. The third piece of the puzzle is my deep dive into shamanism. Honestly, trying to translate those insights into rigorous scientific terminology is an uphill battle, but it has shed a massive amount of light on the situation. The goal here is triangulation: synthesizing these three data streams to truly grasp how these systems function. On a personal level, I’m starting to make sense of things (it would take far too long to explain, and frankly, I’m not quite ready to be that vulnerable just yet), but I’m still struggling to pin down some of the broader, universal principles. Regardless, I am certain we aren't dealing with anything "supernatural," even if various spiritual traditions describe it using different terminology. Regarding all this shamanism business... I was talking to a woman who’s managed to market herself as the "first American shaman." She went on some training course down in South America where she was taught by an African man. She told me how he asked her "who are you?" countless times; she gave him various answers, but none of them ever satisfied him. I figured they were just feeding her some Gnostic-style enlightenment intensity (since that’s the method), but eventually, the African man just told her, "You are nine generations of your ancestors." It was part of the Orish system, which isn't really my thing because, let's be honest, we don't have much of a connection to Africa here in the States... sure, we trace our roots back there, but that's a pretty distant past. I'm studying Nordic shamanism instead, which features some similar concepts—specifically regarding a certain facet of personality inherited from ancestors that dictates how much luck you'll have in life. I know it's a "code" for something, and I know it's somehow linked to all of this, but nothing has quite clicked yet. It’s a bit exhausting trying to bridge mainstream psychology with genetics and all that mumbo jumbo, but I guess I don't have anything better to do with my time, so here I am messing around.

The rest of what you wrote actually sounds fascinating, but I don't have any hands-on experience applying spiritual techniques, so I'm not entirely sure how it actually works. I can't say I'm not skeptical when it comes to the "supernatural," but then again, if a person achieves genuine insights through a spiritual practice, that's a completely different story. 🙂

Joseph Bailey41 said:Yeah, it’s chilling. Stuff like this leaves a mark that spans generations. It never gets resolved because it's all swept under the rug out of "shame," and even romantic relationships suffer because of it. It’s terrible that we can't even have a normal conversation about it today, thanks to all that "religious" hysteria that's hovered over the whole issue.

What certain psychological circles discuss is how stillbirths affect family dynamics... a parent remains tied to that child in some way, unconsciously idealizing them, and that carries over into their relationship with their other children, their partner, and so on, until the whole structure becomes incredibly unstable. I have a big family gathering coming up soon, and honestly, I'm dreading it a little because I finally managed to trace the roots of one of my own issues.

So, on my mother's side, I have a great-grandfather who served in World War I and was a prisoner of war, among other things. His daughter—my grandmother (who a cousin once told me is the source of all our neuroses)—gave her first son his name. That baby died. The exact same thing happened to the second child, whose name (for whatever reason, probably after another ancestor) her sister gave to her own son, who ended up with severe mental disabilities due to birth complications, grew to be quite large, and struggled with aggression.

I never met my great-grandfather, but I recently heard some things about him that made everything click for me—from certain obsessions of mine that have intensified over the last four years, to strange emotional flashbacks that have no logical explanation, to the way that side of the family treats me. There are two ways to look at it: reincarnation (which I don't take seriously) and a "data transfer" through those psychological mechanisms I've been trying to explain for a while now. The strangest part was this: when I was picking out a silly signature, I went to listen to the full song. Within seconds, my palms started sweating, and that just never happens to me, ever, under any circumstances... I might get soaked from head to toe, but my hands stay dry.

I went a bit off-topic there, but I'll try to steer back to the main point. I never cared much about my lineage (since I don't carry that surname, I didn't identify with it that way), but my husband has his own obsessions, so he kept pestering me about it (in his own humorous way) until I finally lost my patience and started digging. Since I'm not particularly interested in recent history, I went deep, pulled everything out into the light, and only then realized why I am the specific type of idiot that I am. 😁

What I want to say is that every serious relationship pulls all sorts of things out of us... we think we're fighting about toothpaste or some other nonsense, but on a deeper level, we're waging epic battles that have nothing to do with us as individuals. Anyone who instinctively understands this needs to resist the urge to manipulate it to tilt things in their favor; otherwise, it just leads to perpetuating patterns that deserve to be completely wiped out.

To be honest, where I live in the States, we don't deal with the same level of hysteria over this topic as they do in America; we're still stuck at a primitive, nationalist level 😬, but it remains a taboo, and it always will be.

Quincy:

What certain psychological circles discuss is how stillbirths affect family dynamics... a parent stays tied to that child in some way, unconsciously idealizing them, which then spills over into their relationship with other children, their partner, and so on. It makes the entire family structure incredibly unstable. I have a big family gathering coming up soon, and I'm actually dreading it because I've finally managed to dig into the roots of one of my own issues.

Tell me more about that. I remember reading something similar once, but the founder of that psychological movement struck me as a total monster—to put it mildly—so I didn't even bother trying to wrap my head around the teachings (if that's what we're talking about). My brain is stalling; I can't recall the name.🤔

Quincy:

What I mean is that every serious relationship drags everything out of us... we think we're fighting about toothpaste or some trivial nonsense, but on a deeper level, we're fighting epic battles that have nothing to do with us as individuals. Someone who instinctively understands this needs to resist the massive temptation to manipulate the situation to their advantage. Ultimately, doing so only serves to perpetuate patterns that deserve to be completely erased.

I'm not sure if I followed you correctly. Are you suggesting that subsequent generations suffer due to karma or the transmission of unresolved issues? I agree that an argument over toothpaste isn't just about the toothpaste—there's always a subtext—but I'm not certain how much it links back to ancestors. Obviously, we carry certain genes and learned behaviors from our families, but I'm unsure how far back that actually goes. Granted, I've never gone down any deep rabbit holes researching this specific topic.

Joseph Bailey41 said:It really comes down to the region. In places where people are constantly drinking heavy amounts of cheap booze, it’s no surprise that things don't always work quite as they should down there. For everything else, honey and walnuts usually do the trick.

As for the women's side of things, the situation was actually a bit darker, so I’d only recommend the following link to those with a strong stomach:

http://www.nytimes.com/articles/abortion-in-rural-america

That was a heavy read. 😢

I’ve heard whispers about certain methods and read accounts of similar cases before, but this one really hit home.

Joseph Bailey41 said:I think you're missing the mark a little—plenty of people are still experts at wielding those shovels, myself included. But we have to distinguish between love, basic tools, and the power struggles that happen within relationships. None of the stories we hear about the FBI or local law enforcement bring anything truly new to the table... all of this happened a hundred years ago, too. The only difference is that back then, people didn't vent their business on Facebook; they handled it privately. All the infidelity, the manipulation, the sexual issues, the paranoia... it was all there. People were just much more discreet. They tried to maintain a decent public image so they wouldn't embarrass themselves in front of their neighbors, or later, their grandkids. Generally speaking, there was a sense of basic decency. What we see now feels like pure exhibitionism. It's as if nobody knows how to do anything anymore without posting a photo of it on social media or jumping on a forum to describe every single detail.

I'm with you. Everything feels much more blunt these days because information is everywhere, even though the core reality hasn't changed a bit.

And speaking of shoveling, I suspect that because modern human connections have become so shallow and hollow—reduced to little digital "likes"—people are actually gravitating back to almost forgotten physical tasks, including literal digging.

Joseph Bailey41 said:I actually liked her when she was posting about her grandmother on a different subforum. She sounded like such a lovely woman—tiny, but full of fire (though I'm talking about the grandma, I don't really know Cherie. 😳 )

The whole idea of humility just doesn't sit right with me. To be honest, I find the entire concept repulsive. I tried to wrap my head around it because I thought it might help me on my spiritual journey, but I just can't do it. It actually makes me feel physically uneasy when people start pushing those kinds of ideals. Other things high on my "nope" list include the idea of forgiveness and following your heart instead of your head. I usually just scroll past stuff like that.

To me, that sounds like slavery.

But hey, I get that everyone perceives things differently. There was once a user whose signature was incredibly tacky (something about glorifying service), yet her actual posts were wonderful.

I suppose you'll never reach spirituality, and frankly, neither will I. 😬

If you dig through this PDF, you'll find plenty of my own posts where I lay out exactly why I can't stand humility 😁. My perspective hasn't shifted one bit; if anything, as the years go by, I'm becoming even more convinced of my position.

Jamie Davis9 said:Why on earth would anyone call this a beautiful post?

It’s actually terrible. 🤷 And I’m being completely serious when I say that progress simply doesn't happen without a little bit of friction and conflict.
I honestly can't wrap my head around this delusional mindset where you try to convince yourself—and everyone else around you—that you have absolutely nothing to offer and that they have nothing either. 🤔

It's useless; it looks like I'll have to go back and borrow some wisdom from Hunter S. Thompson, since he managed to articulate this perfectly so I don't have to.

🤷

There, I'm being dead serious now. 🙂

Mimma, it’s like you read my mind. 😛 Honestly, Michelle Obama's posts and her whole way of thinking always rubbed me the wrong way back when she used to post here. I think they still do. 😁

Brandon Lopez6 said:Yeah.
If people can quit smoking or get clean from drugs, why wouldn't they be able to stop swearing? 🤣.

People fix speech impediments or even smooth out an accent all the time.

It’s really just about being mindful of what you're saying and making a conscious effort to change how you express yourself.
For me, most swear words are basically just filler. Sure, it's a habit, but it's not a massive issue if you've got half a brain.

I managed to drop some of my verbal tics just by deciding I wasn't going to say them anymore. It wasn't exactly rocket science.
I bet I could stop swearing too, if I actually gave a damn about it.
But I don't.

Still, I'm sticking to my point: if people can walk away from heroin, they can definitely quit this crap.

That really depends on what stage of addiction they're in. 😁 🤣

Hannah Kim5 said:It’s usually not considered "normal" for women. Speaking from my own experience, I can tell you I've been told countless times that I'm crude and that it isn't feminine—which, honestly, I actually agree with.
Do you really think someone who swears constantly every single day can ever completely kick the habit?

I don't buy it. It’s a deep-seated habit, and I doubt anyone can just snap out of it entirely.

Personally, I prefer subtle, sophisticated double entendres, though I'm certainly not a prude. That said, crude language isn't really my style. I only swear when the situation absolutely demands it.

Donna Doyle2 said:Well, nobody here told her she had to be that emotional sponge, and I made sure to emphasize that to her myself!

I was only trying to offer a glimpse into his perspective, because don't you know that once you can actually understand someone, you tend to feel more empathy and less anger, which leaves you feeling so much less bitter?

It feels to me like everyone here has dealt with someone like this before, because why is everyone throwing stones at him? The guy is in the absolute worst kind of mess—his wife left him for someone else—and yet everyone here is just calling him a jerk, selfish, or toxic, assuming he was always this way and that's why she left.

To me, this feels like pure projection and it's not fair at all since we have no idea what the actual situation is like.
The author mentioned that they used to get along beautifully and were really close.

Oh, sure, let's all be sunshine and rainbows when things are going great, but the second something tragic happens and someone needs a little extra time to recover (I mean, hello, his wife left him over the summer—it hasn't even been six months!), we immediately run far away from this "toxic and selfish" person who supposedly doesn't care about anyone but himself.

And yeah, he might not be thinking of anyone else, but isn't it true that when you're completely unable to recover from trauma, you literally cannot think about anything else? He isn't doing it on purpose.

I don't know, I wouldn't want to have friends like that. Life happens to everyone, and we'll all find ourselves in a spot where we just can't go on and we need people to simply exist there for us without judgment.

Back when I went through a breakup with my "soulmate" a long time ago, my best friend would stay up talking to me all night long whenever I needed it—literally until 5 AM! I felt this desperate need to recount every tiny, insignificant detail of that relationship, and who knows how many hours we spent analyzing everything? I would have done the exact same for her. But hey, you choose your friends, you don't choose your family.

I'll say it again: it's too much for the author, and she really needs to distance herself from him. Plus, him being "on his own" isn't a bad thing and it won't stop him from getting better. Recovery just takes time, no matter what people say or do around him, whether they stay close or pull away—time is the only thing that matters for healing.

EDIT: Now that I think about it, my sister was just like that when I had that breakup; she basically shut me down immediately, telling me to get over it, realize it was just an experience, and move on—and if I couldn't, I should see a therapist. Even today, she tells me I obsessed way too much over that guy and the whole situation. And recently, when I was dealing with some heavy stuff at work and feeling pretty overwhelmed while trying to make big decisions, she just told me to deal with it, said I complain every single day, and suggested I just go grab coffee with someone to clear my head because she has her own problems and doesn't want to hear mine. So yeah, I totally agree—you aren't obligated to do anything for your family just because you were born into it.

Don't you think you might be projecting a bit here, especially since you're looking at this from his specific perspective? People sharing their stories on this forum have dealt with manipulation from those closest to them; they generally know exactly what those behavioral patterns look like.

The author mentioned that things used to be different back then—they actually got along and felt a genuine connection.

She also noted that her father’s current behavior has crossed the line into psychological abuse.

It’s all well and good to play nice and act like everything is perfect when life is easy and things are going our way. But if someone goes through a genuine tragedy and needs a little extra time to get back on their feet—for instance, if he was dumped right in the middle of summer, so it hasn't even been six months yet—then you need to run. Get as far away as possible from that kind of toxic, selfish person who only cares about themselves.

If you actually take the time to read this thread, you’ll see that nobody suggested running at the first sign of trouble. What everyone *did* say was that you need to distance yourself from a selfish, toxic individual who only cares about their own interests and couldn't care less about anyone else. People wrote those comments to help the author save herself. Because, if you haven't noticed, it isn't just her father who's struggling—she is doing quite poorly herself, and she needs support.

Look, you can't just tell someone not to dwell on it. By its very definition, being unable to recover from trauma means you're stuck in a loop where nothing else matters. It’s not like they’re doing it on purpose; their brain simply won't let them think about anything else.

Niko wasn't even claiming he did it on purpose. But let’s be real—the author can't fix this herself; she needs a professional to step in.

I don't know; I wouldn't want to have friends like that.

What kind of help? Someone who "helps" by handing you over to a specialist the moment they think you’ve slipped too far into psychosis?

Life has a way of throwing curveballs at everyone. We all hit that breaking point eventually—that moment where you just can't go on, and no amount of outside help can fix things. At that stage, the only thing that actually matters is having people by your side who are simply willing to show up.

I agree, but there’s a limit to how much help one person can provide. If someone is just exploiting your empathy and refusing any other kind of practical support, then you're essentially hitting a wall. You can't save someone from themselves. As for her father, I don't think his current state only started after her mother left. That was certainly the trigger, but based on what the author wrote, I suspect this has been building up for much longer than that.

Back when I went through my first major breakup, a close friend of mine would stay up with me for hours on end. We’d talk until 5:00 AM almost every night for a year straight. I just had this desperate need to dissect every tiny, insignificant detail of that relationship, and honestly, who knows what we actually analyzed during those marathon sessions? I’d do the exact same thing for her today. But at the end of the day, you choose your friends; you don't get to choose your family.

This isn't the same thing, though. Her father has likely been struggling with mental health issues for a long time, and seeing him walk out on her mother has clearly hit her hard. She's reeling from everything that's happened. What she needs most right now is support—and if he can't see that he needs help too, that's on him, not her.

She told me that enough was enough and that I should go grab coffee with someone else to vent, because she has her own burdens to carry and doesn't have the headspace to listen anymore.

Have you considered that your sister might actually be dealing with much heavier stuff than you are, and instead of venting, she's just trying to keep her head above water? To me, her response sounds like she's reached a total breaking point from constant complaining. Of course, I could be wrong—I don't know either of you or the history behind your relationship.

Jane Doe

Donna Doyle2 said:Look, everyone goes through different seasons in life where they experience all sorts of things and their behavior shifts completely! If I’m reading you right, you and your husband used to be incredibly close and had such a great connection, didn't you? But now, he’s just going through a total breakdown—not even in a clinical sense, but just that feeling of being totally shattered and hitting rock bottom. When people go through a breakup after two years, it can take them three more years just to find themselves again between the depression and the obsession, so can you imagine how much harder it is after years of marriage and raising kids together? There are all these stages he has to navigate, like grief, anger, guilt, or even that flickering hope that things will fix themselves, and honestly, there isn't a manual for it! I really think it helps him immensely that he has you to vent to. You don't necessarily need to say anything profound; sometimes just being there and showing genuine empathy is everything. He's probably not heading to a local pub to pour his heart out to his buddies, and honestly, it’s probably for the best that he isn't trying to drown it all in whiskey.

Based on what you've shared, I don't see him as a toxic person at all, but rather someone who has simply lost his footing and is drowning in intense pain. As hysterical or irrational as he seems right now, this too shall pass!

Now, you mentioned that dealing with this is becoming way too exhausting for you, and hey, you have every right to feel that way because you don't owe anyone your mental health! Even if he knows he's draining you, he likely just doesn't have the strength to stop himself from unloading. It’s going to keep spilling out of him at every single opportunity because he's just so full of it—it’s like when you're sick and the infection just has to break through.

So, the ball is in your court to decide how to handle this and whether you need to step back and create some distance. You said you're worried that something might happen to him, but truly, nothing is going to happen; he will find a way to get through this on his own. At the end of the day, we all eventually realize that we have to face our own struggles alone, because no matter how much we try to offload our burdens onto others, nobody can actually feel the pain for us.

It might be better for him, sure, but she's being poisoned by his baggage. She needs to realize she isn't obligated to act as his emotional dumping ground, regardless of the fact that he's her father. She's in a bad place herself, and she isn't a therapist. I don't think it's any better for him to take it out on her than it would be for him to hit the bar and become an alcoholic. There are other paths—like seeking professional help or reaching out to support groups—to figure out a way to actually help him.

Jane Doe
:

Based on what you wrote, I wouldn't label him a toxic person. It sounds more like someone who has lost their footing and is in deep pain. As hysterical and irrational as he seems right now, this phase will pass.

Or it won't, especially if he’s dealt with similar issues before—the kind of stuff that drives a spouse away.
In relation to her, he *is* being toxic, and she can't fix this alone because she's struggling too.

I agree with the rest of the sentiment. Nothing catastrophic is going to happen to him, and the fear that he'll suffer if she isn't constantly by his side shouldn't stop her from stepping back for a while to get herself sorted out.

By the way, I'm not saying empathy is a bad thing, but sometimes excessive empathy just turns a person into a punching bag.

His whole life is spiraling. It’s obvious he can't cope, and there's a very high chance he’s dealing with some serious mental health struggles. Right now, you're the only person he feels he can actually rely on.

I get that you care about him, I really do, but you aren't going to fix anything by letting yourself get sucked into such a toxic dynamic.

If you truly want to help him, try talking to him calmly from a distance. When he starts pushing those conspiracy theories, meet them with solid arguments and explain why his claims just don't hold water. Getting angry or losing your cool won't achieve a thing.

Also, you have sisters—reach out to them and get them involved in this family crisis. You shouldn't be carrying this weight on your own; it's clearly taking a toll on you, too.

Ultimately, I think both of you could benefit from professional counseling. Though, if I'm being honest, I suspect someone like him is going to be incredibly difficult to convince.

The issue usually stems from a magnesium deficiency, and I’d suggest anyone dealing with hypothyroidism get a full mineral panel done every once in a while.

In my experience, you get the best results if you soak dried fruit in water overnight before blending it first thing in the morning.

I usually mix that blend with wheat germ or bulgur, along with some cocoa, cinnamon, flaxseed oil, various seeds, and almonds.

To be honest, I don't think I've ever met anyone who doesn't like a good Grape. 😬

Lisa Young83 said:And just like that, all that remains of a great man is his beautiful spirit.

😢

He’ll always be the heartbeat of this city.

R. I. P....

I grew up moving between different neighborhoods—some I loved, others I tolerated—but nothing hit me harder than moving to the outskirts of town, on the complete opposite side of the city from where I’d spent nearly my entire life. It wouldn't have been such a nightmare if it weren't for the fact that I had spent my whole life absolutely loathing this specific area. I used to swear up and down that I would never, ever live here...

And yet, by some twist of fate, my worst nightmare actually became a reality. 😁

Even ten years later, I still haven't adjusted, and I don't think I ever will. This part of town will never feel like "home" to me.

That said, 😛, there are silver linings. I have my own house and a backyard, which means I don't have to deal with neighbors if I don't want to. There are definitely perks, too; groceries are cheaper at the local shops, crime is low, and it’s a quiet, peaceful neighborhood overall...

I'm not sure what prompted your move, but if you aren't happy where you landed and you have the option to head back to your old neighborhood—just do it. 🙂