Posts by Sean Cruz

Matthew Clark3 said:How do you actually feel independent when you’re stuck in a situation like this? Is it even possible? When I was younger, I didn't give it much thought... I felt like the world was mine, just like any other kid. But things change. Life changes you, and sometimes not for the better. I haven't been working for quite a while now. It’s frustrating because jobs just seem to pass me by, despite hundreds of applications. I’ve always lived with my parents; my father passed away a long time ago, so it’s just been me and my mother ever since. There were times when I worked and went to school, so I had a sense of independence even while living under the same roof. But since I stopped working, we've been living off her Social Security. It isn't easy, but we make do. Personality-wise, we’ve never seen eye to eye. We are just too different, and now that we're stuck together, it’s escalating. She treats me like I’m still a child, even though I’m well into my 30s. Talking to her doesn't help—I've tried countless times before finally giving up. It has left me feeling like a kid who can't make a single right decision. My self-confidence is basically gone. Since I am financially dependent on her, it takes a massive toll on my mental health. Is there any way to feel like an autonomous adult in a situation like this? How? Any advice would be appreciated. (And please, spare me the "just find a job" comments... believe me, I would if anyone would actually give me a shot.)

Do you have friends? I mean real ones—people you can just go for a walk with, rather than just meeting up at a cafe or somewhere that requires spending money.
One way to gain independence is to simply be out in the world; being active socially might lead to discovering job opportunities you wouldn't find otherwise.

Are you holding out for a career in your specific field, or are you looking for anything at all right now?

Of course, a setup like this takes a toll on your mental health. It's especially hard when you're dealing with a mother who undermines your confidence by treating you like a child instead of an adult. It sounds like she might be trying to keep you dependent out of a fear of her own loneliness. Does she try to micromanage your dating life or influence who you choose to be with?

Maria Reyes4 said:Unfortunately, I suspect that once you hit 30+, there are really only two ways to feel independent:
1. You actually achieve independence—which necessitates a job, financial stability, and some level of autonomy from others.
2. You brainwash yourself with various mantras until you're convinced you're independent, even though, realistically, you aren't—you just tell yourself this and that to cope.

People use all sorts of mental gymnastics to survive life; they convince themselves of fairy tales just to find the strength to get out of bed in the morning. It works for some people—I don't know—maybe for them, that *is* life and they aren't missing anything.

To me, that feels like merely performing a life—and I wouldn't recommend it as long as there’s even a sliver of a chance to live a real one.

Use the time you have to build your knowledge and skills. Volunteer. Start making crafts. Read stories to kids in hospitals. Learn. Sign up for 100 free courses on Coursera and finish at least five of them. Do something—anything—and keep applying to 100 places, whether they're hiring or not. Yes, even apply to places that aren't posting openings; you have nothing to lose. Don't quit, and keep pushing until you can finally stand on your own.

Good luck.

These are excellent suggestions.

Eric Jones8 said:Haha, so now I'm being cast as some kind of alcoholic? 😁 No... I mean, it's perfectly normal for me to have a drink here and there... I suppose I might have misunderstood the question that was asked of me.. (now I'm coming across as a drunkard 😲 🙄 )

🤣

Honestly, I find it ridiculous how people jump to a diagnosis of alcoholism just because you mention having a glass of wine once in a while. 😬

Eric Jones8 said:Well... I always think in terms of myself. I'm young, only 22, so how could something like this really affect me? But thanks for the advice! 🙂
I don't know... now I'm worried I might come across as some kind of sick person. This issue is mostly just one of the most noticeable things, and it bothers me quite a bit. I probably shouldn't say more because I don't want to end up sounding like a hypochondriac or whatever...

(and now I am doing exactly that 🙄 )

It costs you absolutely nothing to go in, check your settings, and just turn certain features off. 🙂

Honestly, I’m starting to worry that I might come across as some kind of hypochondriac. This issue is easily one of my most noticeable symptoms, and frankly, it’s what bothers me the most. I won’t go into further detail, though—I don't want to sound like I'm obsessing over every little thing or making a mountain out of a molehill.

And just like that, I’m out. 🙄 )

You started this thread specifically to talk about these issues, and I don't see anything wrong with that. Even if people end up labeling you a "hypochondriac," so be it. At the end of the day, just because you feel like something is affecting you doesn't mean you're automatically making it up or being dramatic. Your perception matters.

Eric Jones8 said:I guess everything is just a bit of a vicious cycle... maybe because I am personally overwhelmed by quite a few things, or perhaps I'm just a pessimist at heart, or whatever it is. To be honest, whenever my mother suggested I see a doctor about it, I never really had the courage. I think I was always afraid they would officially diagnose me with anxiety, depression, or any of those other conditions. So, I usually just fall back on my old habit of smiling and pretending everything is fine... which is quite bad, I know. This is actually only the second time in my life that I have admitted to doing that. It clearly interferes with my peace of mind, and I suppose when I withdraw from the outside world and try to find some quiet—sleeping is a perfect example of that—then the impact becomes most apparent.

There isn't much anyone can do about this (I know from experience), but you might want to start by checking your hormone levels, specifically your thyroid. I'm telling you this from firsthand experience. A thyroid imbalance can cause just about anything...
Quincy:

To be honest, whenever my mom advised me to see a doctor about this, I just didn't have the nerve. I'm always terrified they'll actually diagnose me with anxiety, depression, or whatever else is out there. So instead, I fall back on the old reliable method: just smile and pretend everything is fine. It's a bad habit, I know. In fact, what I'm writing right now is only the second time in my life I've actually admitted to doing this. It clearly messes with my peace of mind; when I finally withdraw from the world and just sit with myself—sleeping is the perfect example here—that's when it becomes most obvious how much it's affecting me.

That sounds all too familiar to me. Regardless, check your hormones first. If those come back clear, then you can start looking into other solutions. Is this sleep disturbance the only symptom you're noticing?

unknown

Eric Jones8 said:unknown

Yes, I am honestly glad that people have reached out with such a variety of perspectives and thoughts; I was worried my topic would just fade into obscurity. But, yes, more or less... for the last five years, this has been happening with my sleep. I am almost certain it is tied to my overall mental and emotional state. As I mentioned before, it isn't quite severe enough to make me feel completely lost, otherwise, I suppose I would seek medical help... but there is just this strange sensation, I don't really know how to put it into words. It is as if I am simply exhausted by the mere fact that this keeps happening to me. It feels like a tiny, nagging irritation that just won't leave me alone.

You've clearly identified what's going on with your headspace. Is there any actual way to tackle the underlying issues that landed you here? Don't get me wrong, I'm not dismissing meditation, but I feel like when you're facing real-world problems, meditation can only take you so far. You eventually have to actually solve the problems themselves (assuming they're solvable).

Eric Jones8 said:So you have similar struggles with sleeping? Well, yes, when you say your problems go deeper... it feels a bit like what I said before. It’s as if that's what causes our sleep issues in the first place. I guess I reached that conclusion through some sort of simple logic a few years ago. But, well, what can you do if certain things just can't be changed? 🤷
I suspect meditation might be helpful in any case, whether it's done in the morning, the afternoon, or in the evening.

A few people here have already pointed out that waking up in the middle of the night—specifically the way you described it—is usually triggered by whatever is weighing on your mind. That said, it isn't always that simple. It’s actually pretty common to wake up briefly and drift right back to sleep without an issue. But if these interruptions are genuinely messing with your quality of life, then I wouldn't call them harmless.

From what I can gather from your post, it sounds like you've been dealing with some unresolved issues stretching back over six years.

Larry Wilson25 said:Look, sister, people who lack empathy are actually pros at hiding it—sometimes they don't even realize they're doing it themselves.

At the same time, you can easily point a finger at someone else because of how they act—you know, all that constant belittling, sarcasm, or biting irony—when, in reality, the person at the center of it all is just an empath who’s wrapped themselves up in that defensive shell for various life reasons.

The truth is, only a tiny fraction of people are truly, fundamentally devoid of compassion.

The post I'm responding to claims we should just "look the other way" whenever someone is being disparaging—essentially arguing that all verbal outbursts should be forgiven because everyone has their own complexes. I don't buy that.

First off, I wouldn't lump belittlement and irony into the same category; irony isn't always used as a weapon to tear someone down.

Furthermore, disparagement stems from contempt, whereas stylistic devices like irony depend entirely on the user's intent.

In psychology, cynicism is often viewed as a worldview or a defense mechanism adopted by disillusioned people, but a cynic directs their attitude toward society at large, rather than targeting specific individuals.

Belittlement is most obvious through direct insults, which don't even require irony or sarcasm to be effective.

And no, I’m not claiming a huge percentage of the population lacks empathy; I'm simply saying there are varying levels of it.

EDIT: On another note, doesn't the stance taken in that original post—pitying people for their weaknesses and insecurities—actually place the speaker in a position of superiority over those struggling with their own flaws, even if they express it through cynicism?

Benjamin Wilson4 said:It’s easier for me to stomach things when I remember this: every single, absolutely every person carries their own baggage—complexes, fears, insecurities. If someone acts like they’re perfectly fine, it just means they’ve become experts at masking it. In fact, the need to hide it usually suggests those deep-seated issues are even more intense than most. 😉 At our core, we’re all just lost souls looking for a sense of belonging and a reason to be loved. When you view people through that lens, you almost feel a sense of pity for them. It makes it much easier to understand—and frankly, to forgive—the toxic ways they act out toward the world just to shield their own fragility.

I wouldn't go that far myself. Especially when someone shows a blatant lack of empathy. As for justifying bad behavior, I think this kind of logic is actually quite dangerous, particularly when abusers use it to rationalize what they do. In my view, we shouldn't generalize or hunt for excuses for every ugly thing a person does.

Joshua Garcia5 said:Hi everyone

I've found myself dealing with a situation that is incredibly difficult to navigate, and even though my friends are supportive, they just don't seem to get it.
Let me explain the situation first, and then I'll address the title.

I chose this specific format because it feels more serious than the others.
I'm writing this because of what my mother is currently going through.
After battling four different incurable illnesses, she’s now facing a fifth. In my eyes, it's the worst one yet: breast cancer.
The doctors say they have to remove her entire left breast. That's "for now," at least.
I realize she isn't alone and that countless women have faced much worse, but it hits differently when you're dealing with someone who has been struggling with depression for years. She's already seen four different psychiatrists who basically gave up on her, telling us, "Psychiatrists are for people who don't understand why they are depressed. You already know why, so there isn't much more we can do." Dealing with a diagnosis like this on top of that mental health struggle makes everything so much harder.

Now, for the reason behind my title.
My friends have always been there for me, just as I've been there for them. But honestly, right now, I can't stand being close to them. One after another, they all tell me, "Don't worry, everything is going to be okay." I know they mean well. I truly do. But I simply cannot handle the empty gestures and the constant "it'll be fine" anymore. And no, I'm not blaming them, I'm not pushing them away, and I'm certainly not accusing them of anything. I'm also not looking for pity. I just want to know: have you ever been in a position where you thought, "If I hear 'everything will be okay' one more time..."?

Again, I understand how hard it is to navigate these moments and why people resort to these optimistic monologues. But really, out of all the ways you could show support, is it truly the best approach to have ten different people all tell you "it'll be fine"?

Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever felt a flash of anger the moment you heard "it'll be okay" in response to your crisis? How did you deal with it? Did you ever tell people how you actually felt about that "magical" little phrase?

Most people simply lack the capacity to empathize with experiences they haven't personally endured. It’s especially uncomfortable for folks when the topic turns to an incurable illness; frankly, it's easier for them to just distance themselves from the awkwardness. You rarely find people who truly feel for their friends—the ones who actually know how to say the right thing at the right moment or offer something tangible to help.

I recently lost someone very close to me to cancer, though, strangely enough, I didn't encounter that specific brand of dismissal. In my case, since the person was already in their later years, the reaction I got was basically that it was "natural"—that they had lived a full life and it was just their time to go.

My advice? Try not to let those comments get under your skin too deeply, but if it feels wrong, don't be afraid to speak up and let them know it's unhelpful.

velvettrucker52 said:Please send those links over so I can see what's actually going on.
I handle most of the chat moderation myself, though I haven't been online much over the last few days.
On this site, especially in the chats, comments like that aren't allowed, and the regular users know that very well.

I never report posts, so you wouldn't have had the chance to react anyway. I wouldn't "report" them now either, but since we are dealing with such a serious subject—specifically how parental divorce impacts children—I find these types of comments completely inappropriate.

Here are some of those posts where it’s crystal clear they are targeting the topic and attacking users who don't share their views:

Emily Martin said:I never wrote that above.

It wasn't you; I just wrote something similar. If we're being pedantic about precision, it should have been noted as a paraphrase or a direct quote.

Emily Martin said:Here is another prime example of "therapeutic" discussion management where something actually gets achieved:
http://www.forum.com/showpost.php?p=4...&postcount=598
I won't even mention that Chloe Wilson46 promptly exited the debate shortly after with a farewell post—which was, of course, deleted.

Drawing on my years of experience navigating online forums, I anticipated how this would play out and chose to step away from the argument. Clearly, the moderator views the aforementioned post as vital to the conversation, given that it remains unedited.

To be fair to this thread, I should mention that in one of the ZUD chat rooms, they weren't just discussing the topic itself, but were also targeting specific female users in a rather negative light. I haven't verified whether commenting on users in that manner violates ZUD rules, but if necessary, I can provide links to the thread and the posts.

rapidjackal16 said:I honestly get the feeling that everyone’s suddenly obsessed with talking about money—and usually, it’s the people who are already doing pretty well for themselves. It’s like nothing else matters anymore. I remember reading somewhere that money has basically become the new God. And honestly? They aren't wrong.

For me, though, I think you can tell if you're "on the right track" by that gut feeling, you know? That sense of balance or an inner voice guiding you. I don't mean like a perfect life where nothing ever goes wrong or there are zero hurdles—that's impossible. I just mean that deep-down feeling that you're exactly where you need to be at the right time, no matter how chaotic things get.

If I'm being totally real with myself, I feel like I drifted off course a while back, and now I'm just kind of hacking my way through the woods trying to find my way back to the main road. I'm just hoping to catch a glimpse of it soon 🙂

rapidjackal16 said:I don't know, I can't help but feel like there really is such a thing as a right way and a wrong way to do things—or at least a "correct" direction to head in. To be more specific, you basically start out on the right path. It’s like when you’re cruising down the I-95, everything is smooth, and then suddenly you take a wrong turn, end up lost on some winding backroads in rural Georgia, and just spend the next hour trying to find a way back onto the interstate. The whole point is getting back on that highway.

Well, looking at my life right now... let's just say I'm definitely stuck on one of those side roads 🙂 but I'm pretty damn sure I'll find my way back to the main highway eventually. 🙂

If we want to get all deep and philosophical about it—and I know, I know, here I go again—you could argue that this detour is technically part of the journey too. And yeah, I guess that's true, but honestly? It would have been a lot better if I'd just stayed on the interstate the whole time instead of exiting early and wasting all this time driving in circles. Wouldn't it? :-)

See, you seem to believe the interstate is the only "right" way. Personally, I prefer the scenic routes—or better yet, trekking through the forest and relying on my survival instincts.

My perspective is that there aren't really "right" or "wrong" paths; rather, as human beings, we all have different inclinations and different journeys. I have no interest in speed or heavy traffic; I'd much rather soak in the scenery. That doesn't mean your outlook is flawed—it's simply what works for you, and for you, it probably is the "right path."

rapidjackal16 said:So, how do you actually know if you’re on the right track in life? Like, how can you tell you’re finally walking the path you were actually meant to be on? What are the tells? Are there even any signs to look for, or is it all just... I don't know, guesswork?

Or maybe you’re just totally lost and have no clue at all?

What even is a "right life path"? Is there just one, or could there be several? And how can anyone truly be certain they're on the "right path"—assuming such a universal definition even exists?

or do you just not know?

I honestly don't know, and frankly, I think my life would be incredibly dull and stifling if I were ever fully convinced I was on the "right path."

Paths shift just as people do as we age. Right now, we can only describe the road we happen to be walking (and even then, only partially). You can never truly know where a certain direction might lead or what experiences await you along the way... that uncertainty is exactly what makes the journey beautiful.🙂

Morgan Gonzalez56 said:I haven't read it yet, but I did pick up Llosa's "Jarčev Celebration." It hits on very similar themes, and the whole thing is based on true events from back in the day. trujillev Dictatorships are interesting. It’s a chilling fact that back then, kids in school were forced to recite: God, country, and Trujillo. That sounds incredibly familiar to me. 😁 In a totalitarian regime, you can't even trust your own family. It’s just pure, hysterical chaos—total neurosis fueled by a desperate fear of losing power, money, or territory, which inevitably leads to invading someone else's land. Honestly, there’s nothing healthy about it. 😵

I'm certain that not everyone who was aiming at Washington, D.C. and its residents actually supported what was happening on an intimate level. For a lot of people, they simply didn't have a choice. We saw similar dynamics back in the States too—though maybe not in quite this specific way—but there were certainly instances of forced encounters.

People have a tendency to spiral into various anxieties and engage in a lot of self-deception.

The problem with conformity and just blindly following the crowd. 🧐 Where is everyone? Even little Mujo is gone. I guess I'm just left standing here by myself while everybody else heads off somewhere else.

It’s just a way to cope with a reality that isn't exactly pretty. Let's face it: the only thing we can actually count on is eventually ending up six feet under. A lot of people struggle to accept that, and honestly, I get it. We all have this deep-seated need to dress up our lives and make things look better than they really are. But I have to admit, it scares me a bit—seeing how aggressive people can get when they're just hanging out at their local barbershops.

That’s actually really kind of you to say. I appreciate that. 🙂 I honestly think what we're seeing here is mostly just a lack of critical thinking and people following the crowd. It's classic herd mentality. Don't get me wrong, there can be some upside to that kind of collective movement, sure, but I’m worried. I really am. I fear the downsides of this phenomenon are much more serious and far more destructive than people realize.

That’s true, but there is another side to patriotism. It’s about defending your country. If you look at it through a realistic lens, the idealists are basically just fools. I know, I’m one of them. Those who left were much better off—they walked away with full pockets and zero trauma. But I don't regret it. I never would have gained this life lesson if I hadn't gone. It changed my perspective forever.

Defending one's country is really just about defending your own integrity. Every healthy individual strives for that; it isn't some foolish impulse. We do it because we're hoping for a better future.

There’s an old saying for a reason: you're naive if you let yourself get fooled once, but you're just plain foolish if you let it happen a second time.

Of course, intention is everything....

I agree. Even in Buddhism, they teach that the motivation behind an action is what determines if it's positive or negative.

This is what real conformity looks like—the witch hunts, the public shaming of individuals, the inquisitions, and the wars:



Can anyone actually justify behavior like this?

So, is the book actually any good? I spotted it at the library, but I’ve always found that when it comes to Llosa, his work tends to lean way too heavily on eroticism. 😍
The core issue is that state institutions, religious organizations, and various other power structures inherently gravitate toward totalitarianism. I actually wrote a paper on this subject years ago, which required me to dive deep into the literature—everything from the rise of fascism and Nazism to the era of Stalinism. 😁 If I start diving into that here, we’re going to spiral into a massive off-topic tangent.

Where is everyone? Even little Mujo’s gone. I suppose I'm stuck standing here all by myself while everyone else heads off somewhere.

Speaking of little Mujo, do you actually know how that saying came to be? 🤣 In "National Treasure," Mehmed-beg Kapetanović Ljubušak explains how it all came to be—based on local folklore he used to collect (I’m paraphrasing here, I don't have the book within arm's reach).
Little Mujo lived in a small Mexican town where absolutely nobody shared his faith. When he passed away, not a single soul in that village knew a single prayer from his tradition. As they were lowering him into the grave, the local elder—trying his best to mimic a priest—simply remarked, "Where all the Turks went, little Mujo follows!"
Then, a chorus of "Amen!" echoed through the room.

Honestly, I was laughing my head off reading that book. 🤣

You’re being incredibly sweet when you say that. 🙂 Personally, I suspect what we’re seeing is mostly a lack of critical thinking and a tendency to just follow the crowd. It’s basic herd mentality. Sure, there can be some upside to that kind of collective movement, but I fear the downsides are far more serious—and much more destructive.

There’s certainly that side of things too, but I suppose I still hold onto this somewhat romanticized view of people. It’s honestly a struggle for me to accept that most folks just don't think.

This is what true conformity looks like: mob mentality, public shaming, inquisitions, and full-scale warfare.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_FeTcvOpMyy...avina+mase.jpg

Can anyone actually justify this kind of behavior?

It’s people like this that I fear most... because I know exactly what they're capable of doing.

Morgan Gonzalez56 said:No, I certainly won't say an entire nation is mentally ill. But did madness prevail? Yes. That's how it always goes in war. People cast aside whatever scrap of humanity they have left, and that's where your point about ideology fits in. People lose their minds and lose all touch with reality. Brainwashed, or whatever you want to call it (I've never been part of any ideology or big movement, for that matter), just pure mob mentality. That's why I resist patriotism and religion so much. "Homeland" and "God" are often just excuses for people to start acting like animals and scavengers. Once someone stabs you in the back, they will almost certainly take a second shot at you. People don't change, and remorse is usually just for show. I don't believe in sincere repentance, unless someone does something terrible by accident, against their better judgment; in those cases, they really are sorry. But someone who went out with a calculated plan and a motive to commit atrocities... well, yeah. You stay far away from people like that. It's the only safe bet. 😁

You might find this hard to swallow, but I don't think most people simply abandon their humanity. It’s more that circumstances force them to cling to a specific ideology just to protect themselves or their families. It’s a heavy subject; almost every system drifts toward totalitarianism, which means even decent people often feel pressured to conform to the majority. Very few actually stand up and say "no." And let's be honest, some people actually get swept up in that rush of feeling invincible. Have you ever read "Death and the Maiden"? It’s the kind of book that applies to pretty much any government system out there...

I’d apply that same logic to ideology. People lose their grip and completely disconnect from reality. Brainwashed sheep, or whatever you want to call them (personally, I’ve never been part of an ideology or a massive movement—nothing like that), just a mindless herd.

People lean on delusions and self-deception quite a bit. It’s a survival mechanism for dealing with a harsh reality, because the cold truth is that we’re all eventually headed for six feet under. Many struggle to accept that. I understand the urge to sugarcoat our existence, but what scares me are those who turn aggressive while feeding into those delusions.

That’s why I push back so hard against patriotism and organized religion. "Country" and "God" are often just excuses used by people to act like animals and scavengers.

There is truth to that, but patriotism has another side: defending one's home. The idealists—who, looking at it realistically, are just fools. I’ve been one myself. Those who left the country ended up much better off—returning with full pockets and zero trauma. But I don't regret staying; I would never have gained this particular life lesson if I had left. It opened my eyes forever...

Once someone stabs you in the back, they’ll definitely look for a second chance to do it again. People don't change, and "remorse" is usually just for show. I don't believe in sincere repentance unless someone commits a wrong entirely by accident—in those cases, they truly feel bad. But someone who executes a calculated, premeditated atrocity? Please. You stay far away from people like that. It's a certainty.😁

There’s an old saying: the naive person lets themselves be conned once, but the fool lets it happen twice.

Of course, intention is everything...

Morgan Gonzalez56 said:I actually quite like this little piece, and this part could almost be flipped:

Exactly. As long as there is remorse, there is guilt.

As long as there is guilt, there is remorse. It's a two-way street.

Hypothetically speaking—why would anyone commit an evil act 🤷 unless they were mentally unwell? You might find this surprising, but personally, I view evil acts as a kind of spiritual cancer. I really wonder who is pulling the strings for a killer or any other criminal. Is it the mind? I doubt it. I don't believe a mentally healthy person is capable of causing bloodshed unless they are defending a child or acting in self-defense. All true crimes are committed in a state of madness, and in principle, there isn't much to criticize there. This isn't about equating the victim with the perpetrator or making excuses for the killer; it's an observation of their mental makeup. But if nothing can be forgiven, then we must remember, at all costs, as a preventative measure, so we don't end up in the role of the victim again.

I don't think forgiveness is such a grand or noble thing. It doesn't impress me. I am far more impressed by people who simply aren't capable of holding a grudge. Offering someone forgiveness sounds incredibly pretentious to me, like some sort of slimy, self-important superiority.

Actually, thinking about it more—I believe an extremely small number of people are truly capable of forgiving, and it’s just a word, an unreachable ideal that remains incomprehensible to most humans.

Because he’s following a specific ideology, he feels forced to act just to save his own skin—all while convincing himself that it's actually the right thing to do.

You might find this perspective a bit jarring, but I personally view evil—true criminal intent—as a kind of spiritual cancer. It makes me wonder: who is actually pulling the strings behind a killer’s hand? Is it pure reason? I highly doubt it. In my view, a mentally sound individual isn't capable of orchestrating bloodshed unless they're driven by the primal need to protect a child or act in self-defense. Most true atrocities are committed in a state of total madness, and in those moments, there isn't much left to judge. This isn't about equating the victim with the perpetrator, nor is it an excuse for the crime itself; it's simply an observation of the fractured mental makeup required to commit such acts.

In principle, I agree with what you wrote, but look at this situation. Lately, I’ve been running into people who were actually part of the units firing on Washington, D.C. For the first time since the war ended, I am coming face-to-face with those I know were positioned on the surrounding hills, raining fire down on us. Most of them seem like completely normal people—hardworking, decent, with families and average lives. If I didn't know exactly what they had done, I might even sit down and grab a coffee with them. But instead, I just get this heavy, uncomfortable feeling whenever I'm near them. It isn't that I hate them; I moved past hatred a long time ago. However, if forgiveness requires forgetting, then that is something I will never be able to do. Because I know deep down that if they had to, they would pick up their rifles and knives again tomorrow and go right back to the slaughter. And please, don't try to tell me the whole nation is mentally ill. They aren't. They simply believe in what they were taught. And that isn't unique to them; it’s true of every ideology out there.

If there’s nothing to forgive, then you have to remember. You hold onto it at all costs—as a preventative measure—so we don't end up playing the victim all over again.

That’s exactly what I can't stomach about that story. True forgiveness only exists through total amnesia. In the book, Abel sits back down with Cain and actually decides to trust him again—I could never find it in me to do that with people I know were out there taking shots from the ridge.

I don't buy the idea that forgiveness is this grand, noble gesture; honestly, it doesn't impress me one bit. What actually moves me are the people who simply don't have the capacity to hold a grudge in the first place. To me, "offering" someone forgiveness sounds incredibly pretentious—it carries this sort of slick, self-righteous superiority that I've always found a bit grating.

I agree with you, though I suspect we’re chasing an ideal that's ultimately out of reach.

I have to disagree with this specific point:

"I, too, am different from the version of me you imagine I am. To know that is to offer pardon."

It isn't just about knowing; if you ask me, the real weight lies in what you do with that realization. You can either accept yourself exactly as you are right now, or you can strive to become a "better" version of yourself. In my view, total acceptance often leads to stagnation, selfishness, and a complete lack of concern for anyone else. As long as you are actively trying—even when you stumble—you at least know you’ve given it your all. That is the only way to reach true peace with yourself. 🙂

Jerry King11 said:I don't have the full Borgesian context here, but I doubt we're taking any of this baggage with us to the afterlife. 😁 🤷

Fine, here is the complete text. To be blunt, I’m not a fan. Setting aside the logical fallacies, the whole thing seems to push this idea of equating the victim with the perpetrator. Would it truly be "just" for a victim to simply forget what was done to them, effectively absolving the criminal of any guilt or remorse? Hypothetically speaking, if that were the case, I see zero incentive for anyone to refrain from committing evil acts.

As for an afterlife, I'm not buying it. Based on this—even if such a place exists, I certainly won't be remembering a thing. 😁

Jerry King11 said:I stumbled upon this little snippet from Jorge Luis Borges: "Abel and Cain meet on the other side. Cain asks Abel, 'Have you forgiven me?' — 'What does it matter?' Abel replies. 'But I killed you,' says Cain. 'I don't really remember,' answers Abel."

Based on this, the only effective recipes for lasting happiness involve amnesia or a lobotomy.

Jerry King11 said:Cleaned this up a bit; I used to be able to recite that part of the Shakespearean Storm from memory 🙂, but that was a long time ago...

My computer is acting up tonight; I can't seem to get through to Alice... or the rabbit...

I saw that, no big deal... I wasn't checking (nor did I have it memorized). 😁

We'll find Alice—sooner or later. As for the rabbit, it's going on the spit... 🤣 😍

You've inspired me tonight, so I'll wrap this up with:

1984

http://www.memorable-quotes.com/george+orwell,a215.html