Stigma and misconceptions about STIs and sexual behavior

It is always a pleasure to read that one of us is doing better. Keep pushing forward, ladies...🙂))
No matter how hard I try to push my mind away from this damn virus, I just can't seem to shake it. It’s difficult to accept the diagnosis because I’ve never been particularly promiscuous, yet here I am dealing with HPV. I realize it isn't easy to talk about how many partners you've had, but I’m curious—have you all been as cautious as I have, or have you had more partners?

Ladies, I moved your posts over here to this new thread because they were considered off-topic on the Pap smear discussion boards. I didn't want to delete them, though, because I believe addressing these prejudices is a vital issue that many of us face, and I think you've steered this conversation in a productive direction. 🙂

Lately, we've seen an uptick on ZZ regarding posts where members encounter social stigmas, or even posts that express those very biases regarding the link between STIs and sexual behavior. I am opening this thread so there is a dedicated space to share your negative experiences with prejudice—whether it comes from friends, family, or even doctors—stemming from the assumption that having an STI automatically defines someone as promiscuous.

Of course, it is common knowledge that risky sexual behavior, having multiple partners, or failing to use protection significantly increases the likelihood of contracting an infection.

BUT, we simply cannot jump to the conclusion that if someone has an STI, they are inherently promiscuous.

Please, share your stories. Have you encountered these kinds of assumptions while seeking treatment for gynecological issues?

bluefox49 said:It honestly warms my heart whenever I see one of us doing better. Keep pushing forward, ladies...🙂))
No matter how hard I try to push this damn virus out of my head, I just can't. It’s hard to wrap my brain around the diagnosis because I haven't exactly been reckless, yet here I am with HPV. I know it’s awkward to talk about how many partners you've had, but I’m curious—am I just an outlier here, or have most of you moved through quite a few people too?

immune system😢(((((((, it’s not just about your dating history😢((((((((

👎

bluefox49 said:It always makes my day to see one of us doing better. Keep going, ladies...🙂))
No matter how hard I try to ignore this damn virus, I just can't. It's hard to wrap my head around the diagnosis because I've never been promiscuous, yet here I am with HPV. I know it’s tough to talk about how many partners you've had, but I'm curious—are you all as picky as I am, or have you had a lot more?

Honestly, it's just a roll of the dice. If I had lived a wilder life, maybe this wouldn't sting as much. I was with my first boyfriend for three years, and we used condoms every single time, even though we were exclusive. Back then, we weren't worried about STIs; we were just scared of getting pregnant. Now it's the opposite—I'd love to get pregnant, but all I can think about is disease. 😁 👎 Since that relationship, I've only been with one other guy, who is now my serious partner. We actually had unprotected sex way more often than we used protection... and now I've got HPV plus another infection. There’s zero logic to it. On the flip side, I know girls who switch guys almost every weekend and stay perfectly clean. It really just comes down to luck and your immune system, like 😢
someone mentioned.
It really gets to me when even doctors look at me like I'm some kind of sex worker because of these two nasty viruses. A lot of people are just uneducated and full of prejudice.

bluefox49 said:It’s always a boost to see one of us doing better. Keep pushing forward, ladies...🙂))
No matter how hard I try to block out this damn virus from my mind, I just can't. It's hard to wrap my head around the diagnosis because I haven't been reckless with my partners, yet here I am with HPV. I know it's awkward to talk about how many people you've been with, but I have to ask: am I just an outlier, or have most of you had multiple partners too?

My first—and still only—partner, I just picked him up, and he'd been with three girls before me. None of them had HPV, and his recent tests came back negative too... so... it's a mystery. But I'm sitting here with low-risk CIN 1.🙂

Amanda Roberts2 said:Unfortunately, it all seems to come down to luck—good or bad. If I had been more reckless or lived a more promiscuous lifestyle, perhaps this would be easier to stomach. Then again, I know women who switch partners almost every weekend and haven't caught a thing. I suppose it’s just a matter of luck and immune response, as someone else mentioned 😢
.
It truly bothers me when even doctors look at me as if I were some sort of sex worker, simply because of these two disgusting viruses. It feels like many people are quite uninformed and carry heavy prejudices..

I feel exactly the same way. That is precisely why I wrote my previous post mentioning how "unlucky" I am; it appears I am certainly not alone in this experience. My friends change partners frequently, yet I know some men cheat constantly and neither they nor their partners have any sign of HPV. It is as if they somehow developed an immunity to this beast, which makes me feel rather foolish for not being more adventurous 🙂 so that I might have avoided these complications entirely 🙂 (a little dark humor is necessary here) 🙂. Furthermore, I find medical appointments quite uncomfortable because I cannot shake the feeling that the doctor assumes I have been reckless. I don't share my diagnosis with anyone, as I fear people would distance themselves out of pure ignorance 😢.

Amanda Roberts2 said:It seriously bugs me when even doctors look at me like some kind of hooker just because of those two nasty viruses. I guess a lot of people are just uninformed and full of prejudices..

So, here’s my experience. I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for 7 years—I’m faithful, and I’m pretty sure he is too. About 2 years ago, I picked up some bacteria on my cervix. I tried antibiotics, but things just got worse. For like a year and a half, different bacteria kept popping up in my tests, and nothing worked. Honestly, having a huge ovarian cyst at the same time probably didn't help either; my immune system was totally trashed, and I ended up needing surgery.

Anyway, I went to see this practitioner—some holistic guy, doesn't matter who, I was trying alternative stuff—and when he saw my test results from the last year, he goes, "Do you switch sexual partners often?" I told him no, I'm married. Then he asks if I'm sure my husband isn't cheating. I said yeah, I'm sure, plus we hadn't even had sex for a while since my OBGYN told me to wait while treating it, yet the bacteria just kept changing every single time.

Then he actually asked if I had a lover. 🙄

Like, it just wouldn't click for him that my bacterial issues weren't caused by being promiscuous. ☕

I bet a lot of you have dealt with similar crap, so feel free to share 😉

Yeah... when I was talking to this girl about HPV, her first reaction was basically: "Wait, how many guys did you have to sleep with to catch that?" As if you can just pick it up from 😠
one single encounter.

Taylor Thompson68 said:Exactly... when I was discussing HPV with a friend, her first instinctual question was: "Oh god, how many partners did you have before you caught it?" As if one single encounter could be enough to contract 😠
.

Please don't hold that girl's reaction against her; if I weren't already navigating this issue, I might have reacted quite similarly. To be perfectly honest, until I started experiencing actual symptoms, I had no real grasp of how serious HPV is or even how it's transmitted. Even now, certain aspects remain hazy, leading me to pepper my gynecologist with questions. The most frustrating part is consulting multiple doctors only to receive conflicting advice.

Great call, copperraven53, moving these posts and starting a dedicated thread. This really needs to be discussed. It’s wild how much prejudice exists out there—even among our closest friends, family, and unfortunately, the medical community. Those are the exact people we need to turn to when things get tough. Because of all that judgment, we end up being afraid to speak up for fear of being labeled, which is why the internet often becomes the only safe space to share struggles anonymously. That fear keeps us from being honest with friends and family, even though it turns out many of them are dealing with the exact same issues in silence, thinking they're alone. All these threads on Women's Health prove we aren't outliers; plenty of us deal with this, and anyone could find themselves in this situation tomorrow.
I think prejudice happens easily when people assume these health issues only happen to "other people." Even though I work hard to be open-minded, I'll admit I had my own biases once. I never voiced them or acted out, but I definitely formed judgments deep down and made unfair connections in my head. Now that I've experienced those "other people" problems firsthand, I've let go of so many wrong assumptions. I realized that nothing happens just to someone else; anyone can go through anything. But honestly, some things are hard to understand until you live through them.

I never dreamed I'd go through everything I did in just one year. What shocks me most is that doctors—and I mean the exceptions here—can't seem to rise above their own biases despite all their training. They are supposed to help us, not judge us. I had zero gynecological issues until, out of nowhere, I was hit with two conditions I'd only ever heard about in passing on the news, thinking they were things that happened to someone else. In the middle of all the complications, I ended up in the hospital, terrified for my health, and this doctor—a younger guy, highly regarded for his expertise—was so aggressive that he actually made me burst into tears in his office. 👎 He didn't even ask me anything. Just based on my lab results, he started lecturing me like I was some dirty, irresponsible person. He raised his voice, telling me I needed to wash my hands properly before and after using the restroom "the way he does," and then had the nerve to say it was good this happened to me so I'd think twice about who I sleep with next time! 😲 And during this whole lecture and uncomfortable outburst, he kept addressing me with "you" in such a condescending way, like we were childhood buddies. I've never felt so humiliated. Thank God I was just sitting there with my papers; I can't imagine the stress if I had been on the exam table. It was inhumane and totally unprofessional. Can you believe a specialist would act like that?

Because of attitudes like that, sometimes I feel like I have the plague instead of HPV, making me feel like I can't trust anyone without being judged. I hate feeling like I have to defend my lifestyle to a doctor just to be treated. Even if I were promiscuous, it shouldn't dictate how a doctor treats me. They are professionals meant to provide care, not play moral police.

Ladies, I’ve moved your posts over here to this new thread because they were drifting off-topic on the Disney boards. I didn't have the heart to delete them, though; I believe these prejudices are a vital issue that many people face, and I think you’ve steered this conversation in a productive direction. 🙂

Thank you for not deleting the posts. I believe it's beneficial to let this discussion evolve, as hearing these diverse experiences is quite important.

Amanda Roberts2 said:It’s because of attitudes like that that I sometimes feel as if I’m dealing with the plague rather than HPV. It makes me feel like I can't confide in anyone without being judged instantly. I despise having to justify my lifestyle to doctors just to prove I'm not promiscuous; it's incredibly uncomfortable to discuss my health under those terms. Even if I were more active, that shouldn't dictate how a physician treats me. They are professionals meant to provide care, not act as moral arbiters.

Azra, I appreciate you sharing your experience with us. I am truly sorry you had to deal with that from your own doctor. It is quite sad that we have to turn to anonymous forums for support, as we rarely find this kind of empathy in our actual social circles. No one knows about my diagnosis except my husband; if I told anyone else, I know the judgment would be immediate, and frankly, I don't have the energy to fight against such futile battles.
I talk to my friends about various things, but I never mention that *I* am the one facing this issue. In these conversations, I realize just how uninformed many people are, so I try to subtly correct them when they say something inaccurate. Slowly, some of them start to realize the importance of it—they go see their gynecologist or even request full screenings, which many haven't done before simply because they didn't know it was an option, or because insurance coverage makes it a hassle to get referrals. Of course, they all claim everything is perfectly fine, but I find it hard to believe since I keep my own results private. So many women judge others without realizing they might be carriers themselves, completely unaware because they've never been tested, passing it along unknowingly. I believe every woman should undergo comprehensive screenings annually, especially those with multiple partners or those who aren't entirely certain about their partner's fidelity.

Exactly... people love to judge, even when they don't realize they might be carrying the same thing themselves. I’ve been trying to get one woman to take this seriously ever since my doctor told me I had HPV, but no—I’m just being "dramatic." Apparently, she doesn't have it, because she couldn't possibly have picked it up anywhere... right? Sure, honey, you're totally clean. And she hasn't even seen a gynecologist in years, which is exactly what she should have done ages ago...
And honestly, hardly anyone knows. Most people can count those who actually know on one hand, mostly because I know exactly how everyone else would react if they found out. ☕

Only one guy and one friend of mine know. I try to casually drop hints to my girlfriends about how dangerous this can be and why they really need regular checkups. I actually found out by accident myself—my OB-GYN suggested some swabs since I hadn't had them done before... My Pap smear came back clear, but the swab picked up HPV. It wasn't until later that it started causing actual damage visible on the paperwork.
Many women think being married means they're totally safe and can skip the routine screenings, but that’s a huge misconception. There are husbands out there who cheat—sometimes even without using protection, which happened to a friend of mine—and then they bring that infection home. Even in cases where both partners are faithful, you can't just assume everything is fine. A lot of people aren't aware that with HPV, the virus can stay hidden for years, showing perfectly normal results, only to suddenly flare up and cause issues much later. People need to understand this so they realize how vital regular exams are for every woman (I know friends who haven't gone in three years). It also means we shouldn't immediately jump to accusing a partner of cheating if problems pop up, simply because the virus can linger undetected for a long time...

Taylor Thompson68 said:Exactly... they judge everyone else, yet they aren't even aware they might be carrying it themselves... I’ve been practically hounded by my gynecologist ever since I found out I had HPV, but no, apparently I’m the idiot, she doesn't have it, she doesn't even have a way to catch it......

👍 Yes, precisely that. And honestly, that’s the absolute worst part.
I suppose I should mention something I did once (though I'm not exactly proud of myself 🙂).
I sort of planted a seed in the heads of two close friends—both of whom were adamant that "it couldn't be me, I don't have any issues, my Pap smear is always perfect" 😂—so they decided to go get private testing done at a clinic 😉. Do I really need to state the obvious? BOTH of them tested positive for HPV (low-risk strains). I’m not saying this to gloat, far from it; it was more of an eye-opener for them. Everything turned out fine, mostly transient stuff, though one ended up with a few warts internally without having any clue. But then again, how would she know?... And both of them started with the usual, "But how? I've been in a long-term relationship, I'm not promiscuous, blah blah blah," followed by those classic lines like, "I'm going to kill him, he gave it to me, it must be from some girl he was with before me" 😂

I mean, hello? You can't just walk in and claim you have NOTHING because you aren't showing symptoms, aren't feeling discomfort down there, and your Pap smear came back clean while being in a monogamous relationship. As far as I'm concerned, that whole argument is a total joke, because until you've actually cleared everything else, you can't claim you're in the clear. Period. And a long-term relationship or having only a couple of partners isn't some kind of magical shield against all of this.

Actually, what irritates me even more is how much time people spend online—on Facebook, on forums, whatever—yet they won't spare a single minute to actually learn about STIs and how to manage them. I can give older women a pass, I guess, since that information wasn't just a click away back in their day. Many of them still haven't a clue when one of their neighbors or coworkers ends up in the hospital with cervical cancer. It didn't just fall from the sky.

I really hope this current push for better screening progresses and that we see some actual legislative changes—starting with better education in high schools, mandatory check-ups at set intervals, and of course, making things like the HPV test a "must-do" rather than an option.

Because the situation today is just tragic. Take my former colleague, for example... she's only 30 and only went to see a gynecologist when she got pregnant for the first time. In the 21st century. If you ask me, she has more luck than sense, because she luckily only dealt with some less dangerous bacteria, but things could have gone terribly wrong for the baby, especially since she was actively planning the pregnancy 🤦. I once literally had to hold a friend's hand and give her some Norma before she even stepped into the doctor's office. I couldn't control her once she was inside, and clearly, neither could the doctor, because she was so terrified she was practically climbing the exam table 😂 and she's 29 years old 😲

It’s honestly pretty depressing

copperraven53 said:Let me share a bit of my own history here. I've been in a monogamous relationship for about seven years now—I’m faithful to him, and I trust he’s being just as faithful to me. About two years back, I picked up some kind of cervical infection that required a round of antibiotics. Since then, things have honestly just gone downhill; for nearly a year and a half, I've been dealing with one bacterium after another in my tests, and it seems like no antibiotic can actually get the job done.
....

Well, you're essentially a textbook case—perhaps even a more extreme version—of what happens to those of us stuck in the "monogamy trap." It's just one infection after another, then a third, then a fourth... it’s an endless loop. I’ve been following your situation since almost the very beginning, so I think I have a pretty good sense of what you're going through.

There is, however, another side to this coin—specifically regarding antibiotics (not just for reproductive health issues, but in general medical use). Nowadays, we have these increasingly potent antibiotics that, while they target the bad stuff, tend to wipe out the beneficial bacteria we actually need to function. This destruction of healthy flora is particularly problematic for women, specifically when it hits the vaginal microbiome, which is precisely why these new infections keep cropping up. It becomes this vicious cycle. When you factor in stress, sheer frustration, diet, a compromised immune system, environmental factors, and everything else—well, you end up right back at square one with a whole new beast.

Sophia Wells72 said:Yeah, that’s exactly it. And that’s honestly the worst part.
I actually did something about this once (call me a bit intense).
I sat down with two close friends of mine—both were basically saying, "Oh, I'm fine, I don't have any issues, my Pap smear was totally clear." So, I convinced them to go get private screenings done at a clinic. Do I even need to say that BOTH of them tested positive for HPV (low-risk strains)? It wasn't about being smug; it was about waking them up. Everything turned out okay, just temporary stuff, though one had some internal warts she didn't even know existed. How could she?

Look, you can't just claim you're "clear" because you aren't feeling anything down there or because your last Pap smear was clean and you've been in a long-term relationship. To me, that whole argument is a total joke. Until you actually check everything, you can't say you're in the clear. Period. Being in a long-term relationship or having only had a couple of partners isn't some magic shield against this stuff.

What really gets to me is how many people spend all day scrolling through social media or Facebook, yet won't take a single minute to actually learn what STIs are or how to deal with them. I get it for older women—back then, this info wasn't just a click away. But even now, so many of them have no clue when a neighbor or a coworker ends up in the hospital with cervical cancer. That doesn't just happen out of nowhere.

I really hope they improve screening protocols and maybe change some laws—starting with better education in schools, mandatory checkups at certain ages, and making things like HPV testing a "must-do" rather than an option.

It's a mess right now. Take an ex-colleague of mine... she didn't even see a gynecologist until she was 30 and pregnant with her first child. In the 21st century. Honestly, she's luckier than she is smart; she got lucky with some low-level bacteria, but it could have been much worse for the baby, especially since she was actively planning a pregnancy 🤦. Then there was this one friend I practically had to lead by the hand, practically handing her a bottle of Selena Gomez before she walked into the doctor's office. I couldn't control her, and clearly, neither could the doctor, because she was so terrified she was literally climbing onto the exam table 😂 and she's 29 😲

Sad.

Yeah, it's depressing..
It feels even worse when I try to talk to younger people, like my sister, and I just get "Ugh, I don't want to talk about that." It's exactly what you said—they shut down communication because talking about this stuff is "awkward." They'd rather scroll through TikTok or whatever, and then heaven help them when the test results actually come back. Honestly, what's the harm in spending half an hour reading a forum like this? You don't need to study it like a textbook; just skim it for the info. Even doing that would be a start, since everything I know, I learned right here... now I'm basically a PhD in HPV.🤣..a bit late to the party, unfortunately☕
oh boy

edit:
I saw it happen with my own eyes, believe me or don't... I have zero reason to lie. About a year ago on the subway, this girl—maybe 19 or 20 years old—turns to her friend and asks if syphilis is actually spread through contact glue??!?!??!?!!😕😲😠🙂🙂
so much for being informed these days...

The reasoning behind why the first sexual health manual was released in America 😍

Amanda Roberts2 said:Right in the middle of all these complications, I end up in the hospital, freaking out about my health, and then this doctor—some younger guy who’s supposedly "highly respected" and "expert"—instead of actually helping me through it, acts so aggressive that I literally burst into tears right there in his office. 👎 He didn't even ask me anything. Out of nowhere, just based on my test results, he starts lecturing me like I'm some dirty, irresponsible person. He starts yelling about how I need to wash my hands before and after using the bathroom, because "that's how he does it," and basically said it's good this happened to me so I'll think twice about who I let treat me next time! 😲 And during this whole lecture and super awkward personal attack, he kept calling me "you" like we were childhood buddies or something. I've never felt so humiliated and pathetic. Thank God I was just sitting in a chair with my paperwork; imagine the stress if I had been in the exam room with him. It was inhumane and totally unprofessional... Can you even believe an expert would act like that?

That's terrifying, what an absolute idiot! 😠 People like that shouldn't even be doctors 👎 No wonder so many girls and women are scared to go to the OBGYN when they have issues, because they're terrified of being judged or reacted to like that. With doctors like this, it's honestly no surprise. Such a disgrace to the medical profession.

Amanda Roberts2 said:A lot of women also think that if they're married, they're somehow protected and don't need regular checkups, which is a huge mistake. There are husbands out there cheating around, sometimes without even using protection (speaking from a friend's experience), and then they bring diseases home to their wives. But even with couples who are strictly faithful, it doesn't mean you're safe, because a lot of people aren't informed about these things—like how HPV can stay hidden for years with perfectly normal results, and then suddenly flare up later and cause damage.

Exactly, we finally need to realize that even in a monogamous relationship, we aren't 100% safe. It's just like Taylor Swift said—stress, a weakened immune system, or taking antibiotics for other stuff (like a throat infection) can trigger some nasty infection in the vagina. That's literally what happened to me. And then people immediately tried to convince me that my husband was definitely cheating. 🙄 But he did the swabs and came back clean, while I had one infection after another. Stupid prejudices.

Sophia Wells72 said:Like, hello? You can't just show up and claim "I'm totally fine because I don't have symptoms, my pelvic area feels okay, my Pap smear came back clean, and I've been in a monogamous relationship forever." As far as I'm concerned, you can toss that whole argument in the trash. Until you get everything else checked out, you can't say you're in the clear. Period. And honestly, being in a long-term relationship or having only had a couple of partners isn't some kind of magic shield against all this stuff.

People seriously need to get it together and stop acting like "She must have an issue because she probably had tons of partners" or "I'm definitely safe because I'm not promiscuous." It's just dumb. 🙄

My OB-GYN puts it perfectly: when you go to bed with someone, you're basically going to bed with everyone they've ever slept with before you.

Sophia Wells72 said:What really bugs me is how much time people spend scrolling through the internet, Facebook, or whatever, yet they can't spare even one minute to actually learn about STIs—what they are or how to deal with them.

It blows my mind. Back in the day, when sex was still somewhat of a taboo topic, we used to buy those teen magazines in middle school just to read the Q&A columns about gynecological issues and periods. But now, when you can literally Google anything in seconds, women are still so clueless. 🤷

For example, a coworker of mine—who's 30, by the way, and we were talking about ultrasounds yesterday—had never even heard of the corpus luteum. 🙄I mean, I thought that was basic biology. 🤷 Especially for someone in their 30s.

Taylor Thompson68 said:I saw it with my own eyes, believe me or don't, I have zero reason to lie... about a year ago on the subway, this girl who looked maybe 19 or 20 turns to her friend and asks if syphilis is actually spread through skin contact??!?!??!?!!😕😲😠🙂🙂
just look at how informed people are these days...

🤦 Honestly, what can you even say? Today's youth are just something else. 🙏 They know everything there is to know about Taylor Swift or the paparazzi, but they don't know a single thing about sex, even though they're out there doing it constantly.☕

So, I ended up testing positive for HPV—even though I’ve never even touched a guy without a condom in my entire life!🙏 🙄