Emergency: My friend is pregnant

Hannah Davis18 said:Mr. Deer, you really need to start watching your diet.😵

Look, obviously he does!👍 Don't tell me you haven't figured that out yet!😲 😁

Hannah Davis18 said:😁
Phew, I finally managed to wrap my head around what Mr. B is saying about cellular nutrition. 😵

👍 👍 👍

Hannah Davis18 said:😁
Phew—I think I finally managed to process and translate in my head that Mr. Jeleni B. actually needs a cellular diet... 😵

🤣 You really think Mac Hummer wouldn't suggest that to her—you know, as part of the therapy following tumor surgery? And maybe even to help clear up the mess caused by her inability to manage who she hires in the first place?
Let’s take this conversation over to the off-topic board before we get too deep...
By the way, I honestly don't know what I would do if I were in that girl's shoes... personally, I am against abortion, but since I've never actually been in a situation where I had to make that choice, I wouldn't feel right sticking my nose in.

Megan Reed said:That’s just how real Christians act.

What exactly about a Christian worldview and a set of moral values bothers you so much? Are you some kind of Satanist or something? It’s funny how people turn flaws into virtues the moment they become trendy.

And of course, we have to rub it in every Christian's face—one person turns out to be a predator, so let's just throw all Christians into the same basket. Generalization, inquisitions, witch hunts... Would your take change if those people happened to be, say, Muslims, Mormons, or atheists?

Megan Reed said:Let her marry at 18, skip college, and spend her days cleaning, cooking, and tidying up after a husband and a Child. 👍 EVEN BETTER! And maybe the "hubby" can serenade the neighbors while he tries to pick up a few more girls?

Where do you live, a fairy tale land? You sound like a little girl who expects someone else to do all the housework while she focuses on parties, makeup, nights out, and boys. Beyond that, why would a family be an obstacle to anything? I personally know a woman who married and had her first kid at 18; today, she has six children and two college degrees. In the real world, anything is possible. Usually, the only obstacles are the ones people create in their own heads.

Megan Reed said:p.s. learn how to spell, btw, before you come back.

Oh, I love these "intellectuals" whose strongest argument is pointing out a typo... Maybe you should learn that some people actually deal with dyslexia.

nimbledriver81 said:What about removing complications caused by not being able to control who gets hired?
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Well, because of this, obviously.
White powder isn't gonna help here, honestly.😁

Peter Myers29 said:Personally, I know a woman who got married and had her first kid at 18, and today she has 6 kids and two college degrees. In reality, anything is possible. Usually, the only real obstacles are the ones in your own head.

Oh, really?
Personally, I don't exactly have the bandwidth to pop out 6 kids, and I've only managed to finish one degree so far.
Not everyone is built like that, I guess. Though I highly doubt you could actually finish school, taking exams in between pregnancies—we're talking 6 pregnancies here—plus trying to make enough cash so those kids actually have food to eat.

Hannah Davis18 said:Is that so?
Personally, I don't think I have the bandwidth to raise six kids, even though I've only finished one degree.
Not everyone is built for that level of intensity. I highly doubt anyone could manage college exams in between pregnancies—we're talking six separate instances here—while simultaneously working enough to put food on the table for all of them.

It all comes down to willpower. Of all the struggles involved, the mental toll is arguably the heaviest part...

I never claimed that every woman should be aiming for five or ten children. For some people, even one is an uphill battle.

And it’s even harder to accept that life rarely follows the script we write for ourselves. Anyone who can't come to terms with that is destined for a lifetime of frustration.

Hannah Davis18 said:Is that so?
Personally—and I say this with all due respect to those who can—I don't think I have the mental or physical bandwidth to raise six kids, even though I've only finished one college degree.
Not everyone is built for that kind of intensity, let's be honest! I highly doubt anyone could manage to stay in school, juggling exams in between six different pregnancies—that's a lot of labor!—while also trying to earn enough money just to make sure those children actually have food on the table.

I actually know quite a few married couples out there with more than five children. In their cases, both parents work incredibly hard, the grandparents step in to help out constantly, and honestly, everything seems to be running smoothly. There’s one couple I know with eight kids—the mother actually finished two degrees!—and the children are just wonderful, sweet, and perfectly well-behaved. 😍

But just imagine having five, six, or seven teenagers under one roof! 😲 Even if they are all "perfect" kids without any attitude issues, you would need at least three hours every single day just to sit down and have a one-on-one conversation with each of them...

Peter Myers29 said:It all comes down to sheer willpower; out of all the different kinds of effort, the most grueling is actually the mental strain...

Look, I never once claimed that every woman out there should be rushing out to have five or ten kids—or whatever number you want to throw at them. For some people, even having one is an uphill battle.

And honestly, it’s even harder to grasp the fact that life rarely plays out exactly how you pictured it in your head. If you can't learn to accept that, aren't you just setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery?

Now I’m genuinely lost as to what you mean. Surely, someone actually facing those circumstances—regardless of whether they're a man or a woman—is in the best position to judge their own capabilities, right?

Why on earth are you assuming this is some snap decision made in five minutes?

nimbleskipper13 said:I find that what stands out to me most is... 🙂 When money and career prospects start to skyrocket, you see more women making the decision to have an abortion based on financial stability and professional ambition.

On what grounds, exactly? Give me a reason. Explain yourself. It’s always easy to dismiss someone by simply calling them foolish, but that isn't an argument. So, I'm waiting.

nimbleskipper13 said:An 18-year-old Marie Curie isn't even an adult when it comes to emotional maturity.

And when does she actually become an emotionally mature woman? Is it at 30? Or perhaps 40?

Peter Myers29 said:Are you some kind of Satanist or what?

So, what, Christianity is the only game in town? Is that really all there is to the religious landscape? If you’re actually asking, I'm technically Catholic on paper, but honestly, I'm just wondering if there's some official way to file the paperwork and officially opt out of the whole thing. 🙄 😛

By the way, that whole "that's how true Christians act" comment was pure sarcasm. Did you actually miss the point entirely? It was irony—you might want to look that word up sometime.

Look, I don't have the slightest doubt that actual Christians wouldn't touch that kind of behavior. A decent, God-fearing girl of eighteen would never be out wandering around like that if she weren't already married. Heaven forbid! 😲 So, we can basically assume this girl is some kind of... Is it some kind of cultist movement or what? 😂 Look, you don't need to waste your breath worrying about her corrupted soul, alright? 🙄

Peter Myers29 said:It’s truly unsettling when you stumble upon some predator lurking in the shadows.

Yeah, it’s just one of those things where you realize hundreds of pedophile priests were essentially operating in plain sight, along with several hundred more colleagues who did nothing but sweep the whole mess under the rug to protect their own. 👍 Honestly, that’s some top-tier behavior right there. Definitely worth noting.

Since you’re already busy playing witch hunter, why don't you take a moment to cool off and stop obsessing over pregnant eighteen-year-olds? 🙄

Peter Myers29 said:My mom’s little girl thinks life is just one big party where someone else handles all the dirty work—she’s strictly about the makeup, the clubbing, and the guys, while everyone else picks up her slack.

Who, me? 😁

Peter Myers29 said:Some people just use dyslexia as a convenient excuse for being lazy.

Is mixing up basic spelling rules like "i/je" or "c/č" actually a sign of dyslexia? I guess we could call it that. 😢

nimbledriver81 said:I actually know quite a few couples out here with more than five kids. Both parents work a ton, grandparents step in to help out, and everything seems fine on the surface.

Having that many kids is really about having a huge extended family.
you just can't make it work without outside help if both parents have jobs.
plus, I can't even imagine having 5, 6, or 7 teenagers running around the house.😲

Peter Myers29 said:It's also hard to wrap your head around the fact that life doesn't always go according to plan. Anyone who can't accept that is just going to be miserable their whole life.

where's this coming from all of a sudden?
I wasn't ready to be a mom at 18, and honestly, not even a few years after that either.
there was just no way I was being talked into having kids.

I guess I'm thinking about it now, but it's just idle thoughts about having a Child.
I'm just trying to get my life together as best I can; and I'm not some unhappy person just because things don't go exactly how I imagined.

nimblewalker58 said:Now I'm really struggling to follow you. Surely someone in that specific situation (regardless of gender) is in the best position to judge their own capabilities.

The issue is that "judging" one's own abilities often follows the path of least resistance. For instance, instead of accepting the reality and deciding to give it their all, a person might think, "Why should I deal with this Child? It’s easier just to get rid of it." There’s an old American proverb for a reason: "When the going gets tough, the tough get going."

nimblewalker58 said:Why are you assuming by default that this is a five-minute decision?

I didn't write that. I never actually said that. My point was simply that women choosing abortion tend to focus solely on the pro arguments—financial concerns, limited time for a career or college, or viewing the Child as a burden that holds them back—while overlooking the contra perspective, such as what that Child could achieve in life or the joy they might bring...

Peter Myers29 said:he just looks at them and thinks it's all against the odds (like, what could a child even achieve in life, what kind of happiness could they find?)...

man, you're so inconsistent.
an unplanned child can be such a joy, that's why some of them end up in foster care.😢

Megan Reed said:....

Is failing to distinguish between basic spelling rules just dyslexia?

Regardless, you're just using that to dodge the actual topic and belittle others, which isn't how a real discussion works. But please, continue enjoying your superior intellect.... 👋

Peter Myers29 said:What else could it be, then? Go ahead, lay it out for me. Give me some actual reasoning. It’s always the easiest thing in the world to just dismiss someone by calling them stupid without actually providing an argument. So, what have you got?

Let me add to that list:
- because she's only 18, needs to graduate high school, and is wondering if she can even process a single coherent thought in the middle of this emotional wreck of a situation.
- because she's terrified of how her family is going to react.
- because she has absolutely no clue where she’s going to live if everything goes south.
- because her partner is looking just as lost and clueless as she is.
- because she's scared of childbirth (since, you know, some women actually die during labor).
- because she's afraid the physical toll of birth will be painful, change her appearance, or trigger mental and physical health issues.
- because she can't even begin to picture what her life will look like once the baby arrives.
- because she isn't sure if she can handle waking up five times a night without growing to resent her own child.
- because she isn't certain she'll have the answers to all those little creature's endless questions.
- because she's worried about what everyone else will think, and she hasn't quite mastered the art of brushing people off yet (something you clearly seem to have figured out).
- because she saw at Walmart that a pack of diapers costs $35, and milk is $17, and now she's sitting there trying to math out exactly how much cash she needs to scrape together every single month.
- because she's scared she'll be a bad mother simply because she's so young.
- because she's worried she'll be a bad mother because she hasn't secured an "adequate" father for her child.
- ... (and I'm sure there's plenty more).

And I am positive that's exactly what's swirling around in her head right now.

Peter Myers29 said:Well, please, continue basking in the glory of your massive intellect... 👋

And your impeccable grammar, too. I will. 😁

If anyone actually veered off track here, it’s you. The girl was asking about an abortion—you know, practical stuff like what the procedure looks like or finding a decent OB-GYN—not looking for a lecture on brainwashing. 😉

Oh, and while we're on the subject, are we still doing that little fairy tale where the poor tiny fetus is supposedly trying to crawl away from the scary medical tools during the procedure? *Sigh* 😢 🙂

Hannah Davis18 said:I’m just starting to think about it—just thinking, mind you—about having a child.

Just be careful not to overthink it for too long, or you might decide you want kids right when it's already too late... (consider this friendly advice).

Hannah Davis18 said:You're being quite indecisive.
An unplanned child can bring such joy that some end up staying in foster care instead.😢

Just because someone views them as a burden or an extra weight (to put it bluntly: an object).

Ultimately, progress isn't measured by what has been accomplished, but by what still needs to be done. Some people live and move forward. Others simply exist.

nimblewalker58 said:Complete the list:
....
- ... (I'm sure there are more)

And I am certain that is exactly how her head looks right now.

So, nothing but phobias, fears, and doubts... 🙄 ... Where did all the optimism go?

Peter Myers29 said:Just be careful you don't overthink things—you might decide you want a Child only after the window has already closed... (just some friendly advice!)

Besides, there's also adoption as an option.

By the way—I really don't see why you're so stuck on trying to lecture everyone else on their own views? Personally, I think most of what you say is more or less fine—really!—but it’s just being said in the wrong place. This woman has made her decision regarding an abortion and she is simply asking for specific details. There is zero point in harping on the downsides of the procedure if she has already concluded it's her only path forward. Honestly, by being so insistent, you aren't going to change her mind one bit.

Peter Myers29 said:Just don't overthink things so much that you decide you want kids when it's already too late... (friendly advice)

😁 what's even too late?
what are you talking about?
he's clearly under the impression that anyone over 20 is basically an old lady😉
you know, standards have shifted, and you don't even know how old I am anyway.
give me a break, now I'm getting life advice from you😳

kids who are born because someone didn't actually want them are just dead weight.
good intentions and having a heart as big as Texas doesn't change reality.

kem said:To be honest, I don't see why you're so intent on lecturing people. Personally, most of what you're saying is fine, just perhaps expressed in the wrong venue. She has made her decision regarding the abortion and is simply asking for the logistics.

Right, she asked "where and how." My question is "why?" There are always multiple paths available, and the choice often comes down to subjective feelings and personal circumstances....

kem said:There’s no point in dwelling on the downsides if she feels this is her only option. Insisting on your view isn't going to change her mind.

I know I won't.... and that's why it's such a shame. For her, and for the child.