Topic of the day: Would you rather cheat or be cheated on?

fadedheron said:Based on that logic, yes, I am possessive.🙂

I certainly grasp the logic there, and frankly, it seems perfectly standard, given that the vast majority of people tend to be quite jealous or possessive when it comes to the erotic side of love. In contrast, when we look at the sphere of philia—that deeper, companionate affection—jealousy and exclusivity are much less common, and for many, they don't exist at all.

fadedheron said:No, we went our separate ways after a year.

It is ultimately healthier to walk away than to endure mutual misery side by side. 🙂
A year is often the ideal timeframe to realize things aren't working. Any attempt to convince yourself otherwise is nothing more than a slow way to waste your own life.

Thomas Nelson25
Because it takes two to tango. People who get dumped usually have a blind spot when it comes to their own bullshit.
If he’s cheating, there’s clearly a reason—he obviously wasn't happy with me.
Kuzis?

And we’re right back to square one: people refusing to admit they messed up.
I once watched this couple up close where she was being a total nightmare while playing the victim. She couldn't see how her own behavior drove her husband straight into the arms of someone else—someone who actually had some redeeming qualities.

I mean, if things are actually going south, you just sit down with your partner and talk through the issues, right?

You don't just go out and sleep with someone else

Just because "you're struggling" or "feeling misunderstood in your marriage"...

God, why is basic communication such a struggle for people...

Ashley Vaughn79 said:03.01. Would you rather be the cheater or the one being cheated on?

Well, it's not like people say, "Oh, I could never cheat..." or "My partner would never cheat on me" anymore.

You have to pick one side. 🙂

And since... well, the answer to the weekend poll was that she'd rather cheat and explain later.
I guess I'm actually curious about why. 😁

__________________________________________________ ___
Topic of the day extracted from post 293. after topic of the day.

What nobody knows can't hurt anybody.

That previous bolded sentence sounds perfectly true and reasonable to me.
If it stays unknown, it's as if it never happened.

Just imagine a partner goes on a business trip to Chicago.
Who knows what went down on that trip. Maybe they were part of some massive orgy... If everything continues as usual and no STI pops up, then really, nothing ever happened.
Right?

***

I'd say I'd rather be the cheater.

But I have this one psychological hang-up about it.
See, even when an open opportunity presents itself, I get this feeling—this nagging sense—that I'm doing something wrong, something ugly and low.
And the opportunity is right there, all you have to do is take it!

I consider it my own flaw—some kind of Catholic atavism buried deep in my agnostic psyche—and I really need to suppress it so I can finally run wild like every other normal modern man!

Joseph Rivera75 said:Thomas Nelson25
Because it takes two to tango. People who get dumped usually have a blind spot when it comes to their own bullshit.
If he’s cheating, there’s clearly a reason—he obviously wasn't happy with me.
Kuzis?

And we’re right back to square one: people refusing to admit they messed up.
I once watched this couple up close where she was being a total nightmare while playing the victim. She couldn't see how her own behavior drove her husband straight into the arms of someone else—someone who actually had some redeeming qualities.

I get where you're coming from here—it makes sense. It’s not about being "left," it’s about the context of the betrayal itself.

Joseph Rivera75 said:Thomas Nelson25
Because it takes two to tango. People who get dumped usually have a blind spot when it comes to their own bullshit.
If he’s cheating, there’s clearly a reason—he obviously wasn't happy with me.
Kuzis?

And we’re right back to square one: people refusing to admit they messed up.
I once watched this couple up close where she was being a total nightmare while playing the victim. She couldn't see how her own behavior drove her husband straight into the arms of someone else—someone who actually had some redeeming qualities.

But we aren't talking about breakups, we're talking about infidelity

Look, I'm not trying to validate any excuse for them—seriously, let's move on from that already

To me, cheating is just the ultimate betrayal of trust...

nimblemarlin6 said:What nobody knows can't hurt anybody.

That previous bolded sentence sounds perfectly true and reasonable to me.
If it stays unknown, it's as if it never happened.

Just imagine a partner goes on a business trip to Chicago.
Who knows what went down on that trip. Maybe they were part of some massive orgy... If everything continues as usual and no STI pops up, then really, nothing ever happened.
Right?

***

I'd say I'd rather be the cheater.

But I have this one psychological hang-up about it.
See, even when an open opportunity presents itself, I get this feeling—this nagging sense—that I'm doing something wrong, something ugly and low.
And the opportunity is right there, all you have to do is take it!

I consider it my own flaw—some kind of Catholic atavism buried deep in my agnostic psyche—and I really need to suppress it so I can finally run wild like every other normal modern man!

Personally, I call that a moral compass, and I actually think having one is a good thing...🙂

feralmoose32 said:But we aren't talking about breakups, we're talking about infidelity

Look, I'm not trying to validate any excuse for them—seriously, let's move on from that already

To me, cheating is just the ultimate betrayal of trust...

And leaving someone is just what happens when you break a lifelong vow, right?
We can try to wrap everything up under the umbrella of infidelity, but there are plenty of ways to cheat besides just some Sunday afternoon hookup.

So, is solo play actually a scam? 😳

Melissa Rivera said:I mean, if things are actually going south, you just sit down with your partner and talk through the issues, right?

You don't just go out and sleep with someone else

Just because "you're struggling" or "feeling misunderstood in your marriage"...

God, why is basic communication such a struggle for people...

I disagree. I've seen cases where someone wasn't spoken to for years... nobody even asked how they were doing until they finally left.

Then, suddenly, they become the ungrateful jerk.

Joseph Rivera75 said:And leaving someone is just what happens when you break a lifelong vow, right?
We can try to wrap everything up under the umbrella of infidelity, but there are plenty of ways to cheat besides just some Sunday afternoon hookup.

Wait, how exactly is that cheating? 🤔

If you're just unhappy in a relationship and you realize you can't do it anymore, that isn't betrayal...

Now, maybe it would be considered cheating if you were walking away because you already met someone else—you know, leaving one person specifically to jump into the arms of another...

Adam Davis2 said:So, is solo play actually a scam? 😳

Not at all... just keep going

feralmoose32 said:Not at all... just keep going

Alright, thanks 🎉

feralmoose32 said:Wait, how exactly is that cheating? 🤔

If you're just unhappy in a relationship and you realize you can't do it anymore, that isn't betrayal...

Now, maybe it would be considered cheating if you were walking away because you already met someone else—you know, leaving one person specifically to jump into the arms of another...

It’s still cheating. You don't sign up for marriage just to bail tomorrow. And honestly, does it even matter if there was someone else involved, or if you were playing the field on the side, or if you slept with someone else?
At the end of the day, it's all the same thing.

Good grief, what a bunch of questions
I wouldn't pick any of them—not if I had a choice
But if I absolutely have to choose, I'd prefer
Though I say this with great reluctance 😳

Adam Davis2 said:So, is solo play actually a scam? 😳

If you're browsing Wikipedia while you're at it and thinking about me, then yes, it is
(for instance)

Joseph Rivera75 said:It’s still cheating. You don't sign up for marriage just to bail tomorrow. And honestly, does it even matter if there was someone else involved, or if you were playing the field on the side, or if you slept with someone else?
At the end of the day, it's all the same thing.

But what if you're leaving just to find yourself?
I'm really not following your logic here...

feralmoose32 said:Not at all... just keep going

a) If he’s doing it while fantasizing about your friend—or even some random adult film star—does that technically cross the line into cheating?

b) And if this becomes a near-daily ritual, is that actually worse for you, or is it somehow a 'lesser evil' compared to finding out he physically cheated with someone else a year ago—someone he doesn't even care about anymore and isn't even thinking about now, but who wasn't part of the scenario described in a?

ruggedmaker99 said:Good grief, what a bunch of questions
I wouldn't pick any of them—not if I had a choice
But if I absolutely have to choose, I'd prefer
Though I say this with great reluctance 😳

If you're browsing Wikipedia while you're at it and thinking about me, then yes, it is
(for instance)

The Wiki's got a nasty case of COVID, and honestly, it'd rather stay hidden from everyone... 🕺

Adam Davis2 said:So, is solo play actually a scam? 😳

Not at all—whether it’s solo play or just having thoughts about someone else.

Cheating starts when you move from a kiss to actual physical intimacy with another person.

Some people try to make an argument for "emotional infidelity," but that feels like a stretch. There will always be someone out there who seems more perfect than your partner, and passing thoughts are just part of being human.