Topic of the day: Would you rather cheat or be cheated on?

Nobody I know enters a serious relationship with the intention of eventually settling for nothing more than quick, transactional encounters.
Opportunity makes a thief, I suppose, and life has a way of throwing all sorts of unexpected scenarios your way.
I’ve already adopted the philosophy that what we don't know can't hurt us.

As it stands, I know quite a few people who have actually forgiven that whole infamous deception and simply moved on, staying with the same partner...

Trying to idealize life is just plain foolish. Sorry if that sounds harsh.

Heh, I know plenty of people who act like they’ve made amends, but deep down, they're still doing the exact same thing.
It sounds like you're just assuming your partner won't pick up on the vibes.
You can't claim to be authentic or truly intimate in a relationship if you're constantly keeping secrets.

If you aren't both on the same page, there's no way this works.

This feels like it’s leaning quite a bit toward cuckold and cuckqueen territory—not that I’m not a fan, of course! 😁

Olivia Smith2 said:This feels like it’s leaning quite a bit toward cuckold and cuckqueen territory—not that I’m not a fan, of course! 😁

🤣

I know a few people who pull this kind of stunt maybe twice a year, just heading off in different directions to do whatever they want, then coming back home like nothing happened... they swear it’s the only thing keeping their marriages from falling apart... 😁

fadedcobra7 said:👍

Cheating is a betrayal of trust, a breach of agreement, lying, and acting inauthentically. What you’re talking about is something else entirely. Polyamory versus monogamy—regardless of which path people choose, the key is that they agreed to it and both parties consented and committed to those terms. Cheating happens when one person breaks that pact and hides it through deception. It’s pure dishonesty and a betrayal of trust.

Exactly.

And figuring out who is at fault in my book is simple. It's definitely the person who cheated. If they weren't happy in the relationship, they could have just ended it cleanly.

In many cases, cheating stems from a personality disorder—like Narcissistic Personality Disorder. A person feels this constant urge to conquer others just to get that "narcissistic supply" from different sources, boosting their own ego and proving to themselves how desirable they are to various partners.

Going back to my original point: it comes down to character, personality, and personal integrity.

Now, if you ask me what's harder to live with—short-term, it's easier to cheat, but long-term, it's much harder to deal with the fact that you cheated and spat on your own integrity. Even if you aren't in that relationship anymore, you still have to recalibrate with yourself and face the reality of being someone capable of breaking their word, regardless of the circumstances. Of course, not everyone cares about their integrity, but for me, it matters deeply.

The double standards here are fascinating.

People walk into a marriage, claim they were miserable and "innocent as a newborn babe," and suddenly they're the victim. Newsflash: you aren't.
Cheating isn't just about the physical act.
I'm not talking to you specifically, but it’s funny how people try to scrub their hands clean. They want all the benefits without any of the mess.

Olivia Smith2 said:This feels like it’s leaning quite a bit toward cuckold and cuckqueen territory—not that I’m not a fan, of course! 😁

At least it's played fair and square 😬

Adam Davis2 said:🤣

I know a few people who pull this kind of stunt maybe twice a year, just heading off in different directions to do whatever they want, then coming back home like nothing happened... they swear it’s the only thing keeping their marriages from falling apart... 😁

Plus, they get the whole year ahead to swap stories about where everyone ended up and what they got up to. 😁

Olivia Smith2 said:Plus, they get the whole year ahead to swap stories about where everyone ended up and what they got up to. 😁

Pretty much. But honestly, they’re just more obsessed with making sure their marriage doesn't actually hit the wall... 😁

Adam Davis2 said:Pretty much. But honestly, they’re just more obsessed with making sure their marriage doesn't actually hit the wall... 😁

🤣

It’s all those little psychological games—mixing up different emotions to create a certain thrill if you can control them? Well, I'm just not built that way. Honestly, I couldn't decide which would be more awkward: her seeing someone else, or her begging me to hook her up with one of her girlfriends 😬

Joseph Rivera75 said:The double standards here are fascinating.

People walk into a marriage, claim they were miserable and "innocent as a newborn babe," and suddenly they're the victim. Newsflash: you aren't.
Cheating isn't just about the physical act.
I'm not talking to you specifically, but it’s funny how people try to scrub their hands clean. They want all the benefits without any of the mess.

Exactly. People let themselves off the hook for all sorts of nonsense just because they claim to be "miserable." It's total bullshit. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness and how they treat others. That goes for both the cheater and the one being cheated on. We all make our own choices.

Olivia Smith2 said:🤣

It’s all those little psychological games—mixing up different emotions to create a certain thrill if you can control them? Well, I'm just not built that way. Honestly, I couldn't decide which would be more awkward: her seeing someone else, or her begging me to hook her up with one of her girlfriends 😬

So you're actually going to beg her to hook up with her friend? Go ahead, tell yourself that’s perfectly fine. Hah.
As if anyone could actually manage to pull that off with her. It’s simply not happening.

fadedcobra7 said:Exactly. People let themselves off the hook for all sorts of nonsense just because they claim to be "miserable." It's total bullshit. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness and how they treat others. That goes for both the cheater and the one being cheated on. We all make our own choices.

The truth is, you don't actually have infinite options. Once a move is made, the other person is caught in the game whether they want to be or not. What feels like freedom is often just a lack of alternatives, isn't it?
If I cheat on you, you really only have two paths: walk away or stay. Sure, you might know right now that you'd choose to stay—but who knows? Maybe someone else would have walked out the door immediately.

velvetlynx4 said:So you're actually going to beg her to hook up with her friend? Go ahead, tell yourself that’s perfectly fine. Hah.
As if anyone could actually manage to pull that off with her. It’s simply not happening.

I’m passing on both ideas—honestly, they both gross me out. I'm just too old for that kind of nonsense.
Still, I get why people crave it—the more intense the feeling, the more "alive" they think they are, right?

What are the actual perks of monogamy? Honestly, I don't think most of us have the bandwidth to juggle multiple people at once. We barely have enough time or mental energy to focus on just one person.

Olivia Smith2 said:The truth is, you don't actually have infinite options. Once a move is made, the other person is caught in the game whether they want to be or not. What feels like freedom is often just a lack of alternatives, isn't it?
If I cheat on you, you really only have two paths: walk away or stay. Sure, you might know right now that you'd choose to stay—but who knows? Maybe someone else would have walked out the door immediately.

But let's be real—people often pick cheaters as partners because of their own internal glitches (usually subconscious ones). And that was a choice, even if it felt inevitable.

To actually figure out those flaws, you have to do some serious soul-searching. You can't just shrug and say the world is a dark place and you're always the innocent victim.

I'm a psychologist, so naturally, I'm going to advocate for deep therapy for anyone with a heartbeat. 🤣

Olivia Smith2 said:🤣

It’s all those little psychological games—mixing up different emotions to create a certain thrill if you can control them? Well, I'm just not built that way. Honestly, I couldn't decide which would be more awkward: her seeing someone else, or her begging me to hook her up with one of her girlfriends 😬

Everyone except 🤣

I had this acquaintance who almost dragged me into that whole scene... she was terrorizing my phone for days straight. No matter how much I tried to change the subject or just tune her out, she wouldn't take no for an answer and just kept pushing her own agenda...
At one point, I actually thought I was tripping, thinking I'd misread the signals. That is, until she started getting really specific about what she wanted. Just remember, I had zero clue that they both shared that kind of vibe...
I told her straight up, I don't need that mess in my life, messing around with women who are already taken, dealing with marriage drama and all that... it's just not my scene...
So, I ended up going to see her husband since I know the guy. I laid it all out for him and showed him the texts. And his response? He just goes, "Oh, don't worry about it, we have that arrangement. It's fine..." 😂

fadedcobra7 said:But let's be real—people often pick cheaters as partners because of their own internal glitches (usually subconscious ones). And that was a choice, even if it felt inevitable.

To actually figure out those flaws, you have to do some serious soul-searching. You can't just shrug and say the world is a dark place and you're always the innocent victim.

I'm a psychologist, so naturally, I'm going to advocate for deep therapy for anyone with a heartbeat. 🤣

Probably, if you tend to overmystify intuition. Personally, I do.

It just happens naturally—a few panic attacks here, some anxiety or depression there, maybe even psychosis. Honestly, sometimes you just have to break down everything that isn't working.

It certainly wasn't my lack of intelligence that led me to similar states through drug use.

Joseph Rivera75 said:The double standards here are fascinating.

People walk into a marriage, claim they were miserable and "innocent as a newborn babe," and suddenly they're the victim. Newsflash: you aren't.
Cheating isn't just about the physical act.
I'm not talking to you specifically, but it’s funny how people try to scrub their hands clean. They want all the benefits without any of the mess.

That’s why promising to love someone and stay with them forever feels a bit foolish to me. I could never make that claim because I know how risky and difficult that actually is to achieve.

Also, unhappiness doesn't just happen overnight; it develops over time. It’s only fair to be honest with your partner about it, giving them a chance to either work on things or agree that it's time to move on.

A prenuptial agreement is non-negotiable. It’s simply the most honest way to start.

Alexander Adams94 said:That’s why promising to love someone and stay with them forever feels a bit foolish to me. I could never make that claim because I know how risky and difficult that actually is to achieve.

Also, unhappiness doesn't just happen overnight; it develops over time. It’s only fair to be honest with your partner about it, giving them a chance to either work on things or agree that it's time to move on.

While I certainly empathize with those fears, life doesn't really work that way—it's just human nature, isn't it?
We define ourselves through the paths we choose—through rituals, initiations, and all those milestones.
Do "bumps in the road" happen? Of course they do.

But trying to play both sides—or refusing to commit by hiding behind logic like some detached entity—feels a bit childish, don't you think?

I know, because I'm Peter Pan.