Topic of the day: Would you rather cheat or be cheated on?

That’s exactly what I told Sisyphus
I just wanted to bring the whole operation closer to the common man;
instead of casting adult film stars in the lead roles, I cast myself and Wikipedia
I suppose we have a few amateur productions of our own, though they lack any semblance of professionalism

Maria Cox2 said:I could never bring myself to cheat on someone again
Nor would I ever dream of being the one who gets cheated on

Ultimately, whether one chooses to be faithful or deceptive is simply a matter of personal decision and one's own moral character

👍

feralranger said:In any material transaction, there is always a party that suffers a tangible loss.

When we shift our focus to emotional connections, if jealousy—that bitter cocktail of negative emotions—is entirely absent, then there isn't really a "victim" to speak of, which makes the very concept of "infidelity" feel rather nonsensical.

This highlights a fundamental distinction between what we might call *philia* love—which, for most people, lacks that suffocating jealousy or possessiveness, and thus rarely invites terms like "betrayal"—and erotic love, which tends to be inherently jealous and possessive, leading people to reach for heavy labels like "cheating" whenever a third party enters the equation.

Cheating is a betrayal of trust, a breach of agreement, lying, and acting inauthentically. What you’re talking about is something else entirely. Polyamory versus monogamy—regardless of which path people choose, the key is that they agreed to it and both parties consented and committed to those terms. Cheating happens when one person breaks that pact and hides it through deception. It’s pure dishonesty and a betrayal of trust.

feralmoose32 said:But we aren't talking about breakups, we're talking about infidelity

Look, I'm not trying to validate any excuse for them—seriously, let's move on from that already

To me, cheating is just the ultimate betrayal of trust...

Exactly.

And figuring out who is at fault in my book is simple. It's definitely the person who cheated. If they weren't happy in the relationship, they could have just ended it cleanly.

In many cases, cheating stems from a personality disorder—like Narcissistic Personality Disorder. A person feels this constant urge to conquer others just to get that "narcissistic supply" from different sources, boosting their own ego and proving to themselves how desirable they are to various partners.

Going back to my original point: it comes down to character, personality, and personal integrity.

Now, if you ask me what's harder to live with—short-term, it's easier to cheat, but long-term, it's much harder to deal with the fact that you cheated and spat on your own integrity. Even if you aren't in that relationship anymore, you still have to recalibrate with yourself and face the reality of being someone capable of breaking their word, regardless of the circumstances. Of course, not everyone cares about their integrity, but for me, it matters deeply.

So, hypothetically speaking, how would you even label those deep-seated emotional feelings you get for some porn star... 🕺

Look, Alexander Adams94, if she falls for someone else, whatever.
But if she just kisses some random guy, suddenly it’s a federal crime?
🤔

Francesca, I'm all for people splitting up if they aren't happy, but let's not redefine reality here.
For some people, breaking every single promise and shared plan is a bigger betrayal than actually sleeping with someone else.

I’ve never cheated on anyone, and honestly, none of my past relationships ever ended because of infidelity—it was always just both people realizing they'd outgrown each other. I was usually the one calling it quits, but hey, that's neither here nor there. When it comes to cheating, I pretty much consider myself one of the lucky ones since I managed to dodge that whole mess entirely.

In my book, people who cheat don't deserve love. If you're already thinking about stepping out, just be real and tell your partner where things stand instead of playing games. Usually, the truth comes out in the worst way possible, and then innocent people, like kids, end up caught in the crossfire.

fadedcobra7 said:👍

Cheating is a betrayal of trust, a breach of agreement, lying, and acting inauthentically. What you’re talking about is something else entirely. Polyamory versus monogamy—regardless of which path people choose, the key is that they agreed to it and both parties consented and committed to those terms. Cheating happens when one person breaks that pact and hides it through deception. It’s pure dishonesty and a betrayal of trust.

Exactly.

And figuring out who is at fault in my book is simple. It's definitely the person who cheated. If they weren't happy in the relationship, they could have just ended it cleanly.

In many cases, cheating stems from a personality disorder—like Narcissistic Personality Disorder. A person feels this constant urge to conquer others just to get that "narcissistic supply" from different sources, boosting their own ego and proving to themselves how desirable they are to various partners.

Going back to my original point: it comes down to character, personality, and personal integrity.

Now, if you ask me what's harder to live with—short-term, it's easier to cheat, but long-term, it's much harder to deal with the fact that you cheated and spat on your own integrity. Even if you aren't in that relationship anymore, you still have to recalibrate with yourself and face the reality of being someone capable of breaking their word, regardless of the circumstances. Of course, not everyone cares about their integrity, but for me, it matters deeply.

If there truly—and I mean genuinely, not just as some empty, flowery platitude—isn't any jealousy or possessiveness involved, much like how it rarely exists in platonic friendships, then such an occurrence would be nothing more than a minor detail, or perhaps even a cause for celebration because love is being spread further rather than sparking conflict or war. However, the reality is that most people are inherently jealous; they suffer through those wretched feelings when their partner finds pleasure with anyone other than themselves, the one and only center of their universe.

fadedcobra7 said:👍

Cheating is a betrayal of trust, a breach of agreement, lying, and acting inauthentically. What you’re talking about is something else entirely. Polyamory versus monogamy—regardless of which path people choose, the key is that they agreed to it and both parties consented and committed to those terms. Cheating happens when one person breaks that pact and hides it through deception. It’s pure dishonesty and a betrayal of trust.

Exactly.

And figuring out who is at fault in my book is simple. It's definitely the person who cheated. If they weren't happy in the relationship, they could have just ended it cleanly.

In many cases, cheating stems from a personality disorder—like Narcissistic Personality Disorder. A person feels this constant urge to conquer others just to get that "narcissistic supply" from different sources, boosting their own ego and proving to themselves how desirable they are to various partners.

Going back to my original point: it comes down to character, personality, and personal integrity.

Now, if you ask me what's harder to live with—short-term, it's easier to cheat, but long-term, it's much harder to deal with the fact that you cheated and spat on your own integrity. Even if you aren't in that relationship anymore, you still have to recalibrate with yourself and face the reality of being someone capable of breaking their word, regardless of the circumstances. Of course, not everyone cares about their integrity, but for me, it matters deeply.

I can't even count how many people out there don't give a damn about their own integrity. And the worst part? They act all cool and sophisticated. Every time I see someone like that, I have this sudden urge to just shut them down and say, "Look, you're just an ordinary jerk, so stop trying to argue." When someone who constantly cheats starts giving advice on life, love, or relationships... honestly, who gave them the right to even open their mouth?

feralranger said:If there truly—and I mean genuinely, not just as some empty, flowery platitude—isn't any jealousy or possessiveness involved, much like how it rarely exists in platonic friendships, then such an occurrence would be nothing more than a minor detail, or perhaps even a cause for celebration because love is being spread further rather than sparking conflict or war. However, the reality is that most people are inherently jealous; they suffer through those wretched feelings when their partner finds pleasure with anyone other than themselves, the one and only center of their universe.

It’s a fair point. You’re repeating the same observation, and honestly, I agree—why should we care what the majority feels about this?

feralranger said:If there truly—and I mean genuinely, not just as some empty, flowery platitude—isn't any jealousy or possessiveness involved, much like how it rarely exists in platonic friendships, then such an occurrence would be nothing more than a minor detail, or perhaps even a cause for celebration because love is being spread further rather than sparking conflict or war. However, the reality is that most people are inherently jealous; they suffer through those wretched feelings when their partner finds pleasure with anyone other than themselves, the one and only center of their universe.

Jealousy isn't really the point. It's about the agreement. You break the deal, Sisyphus, that's where the problem lies.
I can be pretty chill and let a lot slide, but if we made an agreement about how our relationship works, then we stick to it. My partner shouldn't try to use my "I'm not even jealous" attitude as an excuse to bypass what we actually decided together. The pact matters more than the emotion...

Melissa Rogers4 said:Jealousy isn't really the point. It's about the agreement. You break the deal, Sisyphus, that's where the problem lies.
I can be pretty chill and let a lot slide, but if we made an agreement about how our relationship works, then we stick to it. My partner shouldn't try to use my "I'm not even jealous" attitude as an excuse to bypass what we actually decided together. The pact matters more than the emotion...

Well, I suppose such an agreement becomes entirely redundant if jealousy isn't even part of the equation—that is to say, if we were actually living in a world governed by polyamory rather than this relentless jealousy and exclusivity we seem to cling to. In the realm of *philia*, jealousy typically doesn't exist, which would naturally render these little arrangements unnecessary, since they only serve to reduce our connections to a mere monopoly, wouldn't they?

Olivia Smith2 As specified by:
It is quite alright. You are merely repeating the same observation once again, and I find myself in complete agreement with you. Honestly, why on earth should anyone care about what the majority of people feel regarding this matter? It’s truly none of our business.

After all, we aren't exactly living among some hypothetical extraterrestrials—those supposedly enlightened, non-jealous, polyamorous beings from science fiction—but rather among earthlings, who, in most instances, are quite pathologically envious creatures, wouldn't you agree?

feralmoose32 said:But what if you're leaving just to find yourself?
I'm really not following your logic here...

It’s always the other person's fault anyway, so the outcome is pretty much a foregone conclusion...😁

feralranger, you're assuming jealousy is the only reason people stick to monogamy, but that's just not true.

If a man cheats on his wife but views it as nothing more than a bit of recreation—sort of like playing a quick game of ping-pong—then there isn’t really a problem, provided she never finds out.
The idea being that if he still loves his wife and treats her well, it stays within bounds. However, if the wife were to engage in the same behavior, that would be a different story entirely. 😁

fadedcobra7 said:feralranger, you're assuming jealousy is the only reason people stick to monogamy, but that's just not true.

The Bible and Victorian morality. 👍

People are either monogamous or they aren't having sex at all—simply because we are spiritual beings, right?

Joseph Rivera75 said:Look, Alexander Adams94, if she falls for someone else, whatever.
But if she just kisses some random guy, suddenly it’s a federal crime?
🤔

Francesca, I'm all for people splitting up if they aren't happy, but let's not redefine reality here.
For some people, breaking every single promise and shared plan is a bigger betrayal than actually sleeping with someone else.

If she falls for someone else, sure, it means the relationship is failing, but I get the psychological side of it.

But if she's performing oral sex on someone else while she's still in a relationship with me—that's just straight-up garbage, based on how Lucid interpreted it.

Emotions and psychology are complicated; people deal with all sorts of mental clutter. Someone is attractive, someone is great, you fall in love—you aren't a robot. But there is no valid excuse for not being able to stop yourself from kissing or hooking up with someone else while already in a commitment. You have plenty of time to sit down with that person and break things off first. Anything else is just cheap excuses and rationalizations that aren't even worth arguing about.

Theory and practice are two entirely different beasts.

No hard feelings 😁

velvetlynx4 said:If a man cheats on his wife but views it as nothing more than a bit of recreation—sort of like playing a quick game of ping-pong—then there isn’t really a problem, provided she never finds out.
The idea being that if he still loves his wife and treats her well, it stays within bounds. However, if the wife were to engage in the same behavior, that would be a different story entirely. 😁

Generally speaking, women aren't quite as competitive in sports as men are—you all take everything way too seriously.

fadedcobra7 said:feralranger, you're assuming jealousy is the only reason people stick to monogamy, but that's just not true.

If one were entirely devoid of jealousy, who exactly would be harmed by the widespread distribution of love?

I find myself wondering about the nature of connection; specifically, the fact—which I am tentatively assuming—that we don't experience jealousy within friendships, allowing a female friend to share her platonic affection with others quite freely, yet we demand that a partner refrain from expressing even a shred of romantic or erotic devotion to another woman.

- Sisyphus - said:True, but an agreement like that doesn't really matter if there isn't any jealousy involved

The whole idea of sharing a partner just doesn't sit right with me, even though I'm not really the jealous type. I want to have something that's just ours. It’s not about being possessive, it’s more that the sense of exclusivity kind of fades away in a (semi)open relationship. If we both view our connection the same way, then you shouldn't be doing things behind your partner's back. It's about trust, Sisyphus. Not jealousy...

Melissa Rogers4 said:The whole idea of sharing a partner just doesn't sit right with me, even though I'm not really the jealous type. I want to have something that's just ours. It’s not about being possessive, it’s more that the sense of exclusivity kind of fades away in a (semi)open relationship. If we both view our connection the same way, then you shouldn't be doing things behind your partner's back. It's about trust, Sisyphus. Not jealousy...

+1, couldn't have said it better myself.