Topic of the day: Would you rather cheat or be cheated on?

Adam Davis2 said:🤣

I know a few people who pull this kind of stunt maybe twice a year, just heading off in different directions to do whatever they want, then coming back home like nothing happened... they swear it’s the only thing keeping their marriages from falling apart... 😁

Yeah, fair and square
but they really ought to extend that courtesy to their partners
by offering them the exact same weekend itinerary 🙄
then you'd see how quickly everyone would sober up
anyway
are you absolutely certain it's just "a few acquaintances" and not actually you? 😁

Adam Davis2 said:Everyone except 🤣

I had this acquaintance who almost dragged me into that whole scene... she was terrorizing my phone for days straight. No matter how much I tried to change the subject or just tune her out, she wouldn't take no for an answer and just kept pushing her own agenda...
At one point, I actually thought I was tripping, thinking I'd misread the signals. That is, until she started getting really specific about what she wanted. Just remember, I had zero clue that they both shared that kind of vibe...
I told her straight up, I don't need that mess in my life, messing around with women who are already taken, dealing with marriage drama and all that... it's just not my scene...
So, I ended up going to see her husband since I know the guy. I laid it all out for him and showed him the texts. And his response? He just goes, "Oh, don't worry about it, we have that arrangement. It's fine..." 😂

"Why make a big deal out of it?"
After hearing that, I think I'm at least starting to understand why.

coastalwalker9 said:It seems I have a knack for missing out on all the most amusing threads. 🙄

And what would Sisyphus say about this topic of the day? Would he be far too polite to admit it? 😁

He said he would, but his equipment is way too massive, so he's passing. 😁

Cheating only serves to dismantle one's own high moral ground—it’s a self-inflicted wound to your integrity.
You know when you're doing something you shouldn't—something that’s fundamentally wrong—and you just proceed anyway.
I suppose it depends on the context—but generally speaking, walking away is the easier path.

If someone deceives you, you are technically the victim—you aren't "guilty" per se—but there is a caveat: your own subconscious choices played a role. You made a decision, and ultimately, you messed up.

I honestly don't know.
I have never cheated, nor have I ever been cheated—at least, as far as I am aware.
I suspect that quite a bit of this boils down to context—it’s rarely just about the isolated facts.

Tomislav b As stated by:
What isn't known can't cause any harm—it's as simple as that.
***
I’d say I’d rather cheat.
But I have one psychological hurdle with that—it’s a bit of a mental block for me.
To be honest—even when an open opportunity presented itself—I felt this nagging sense that I was doing something wrong. It felt distasteful, almost underhanded—a feeling I really didn't want to entertain.
The opportunity was right there—it just needed someone to actually step up and make it happen.

As I stated above...

If you truly possess the absolute best partner in the universe—someone who is genuinely unparalleled—then the question of infidelity becomes fundamentally nonsensical. Why would anyone sabotage perfection? It defies logic.
Is this working?
Wait—what exactly are we talking about here? Give me some context.
Do you ever get that sudden, fleeting sensation—that brief flicker of realization—that you actually still possess the same magnetic pull you had years ago?

It makes no sense.

The control mechanism you described above—it really ought to be integrated directly from the IDA side as well.
It isn't that you actually want a billion different women—it’s that you want every single one of your desires distilled into a single, perfect ideal.
It’s a matter of principle—purely moral, really—to follow the Golden Rule: don't do to others what you wouldn't want done to yourself.

Joseph Rivera75 As specified by:
It’s a deception—plain and simple. You don't enter into a marriage with the intention of getting a divorce down the line. And honestly, what is the fundamental difference? Whether it’s because of someone else, or you’re seeing someone else on the side, or you simply slept with someone else when you shouldn't have—it all leads back to the same betrayal.
In the end, it all boils down to the same thing.

Not quite.
Marriage—or any kind of relationship, really—is essentially just an attempt to fulfill one another's desires.
People keep changing on me—honestly.

ruggedmaker99 said:Good grief, what a bunch of questions
I wouldn't pick any of them—not if I had a choice
But if I absolutely have to choose, I'd prefer
Though I say this with great reluctance 😳

If you're browsing Wikipedia while you're at it and thinking about me, then yes, it is
(for instance)

Is there a protein deficiency in this story?😲

Idiomatic Asks:
Rachel Richardson has COVID—and she’s trying her best to keep it under wraps. :nogi ca:

Discretion has always been the mother of wisdom. 🤣

kaže:
That was my exact sentiment, feralranger.
It’s just me—I wanted to step in for a moment and bring the focus back down to earth for the average person.
He cast himself and Rachel Richardson in the lead roles instead of using adult film actors.
I believe we have produced a few of our own works as well—though nothing quite reaching a professional standard.

Amateur films are where it’s at. 😬
The theology of the body as interpreted by high-minded philosophers—well, that’s a different beast entirely. 🤔

velvetlynx4 As requested:
If a man cheats on his wife—treating it like nothing more than a bit of recreation, sort of like a casual game of ping-pong—then there isn't actually a problem, provided the wife never finds out.
Look—if he still loves his wife and treats her right, that’s one thing. But there’s a second factor at play here: she has to be reciprocating that energy. If she isn't—well, then you've got a problem on your hands. It just wouldn't work out. :D

You know that old joke—that our way is better?😬

fadedcobra7 said:Heh, I know plenty of people who act like they’ve made amends, but deep down, they're still doing the exact same thing.
It sounds like you're just assuming your partner won't pick up on the vibes.
You can't claim to be authentic or truly intimate in a relationship if you're constantly keeping secrets.

If you aren't both on the same page, there's no way this works.

It’s pointless to go back—what’s the point of being in a relationship where you have to force yourself to cheat just to feel something?

Olivia Smith2 said:Plus, they get the whole year ahead to swap stories about where everyone ended up and what they got up to. 😁

There’s that legendary zvončev story—the one about those breasts with the bizarre taste and the guy being chased all over the neighborhood because of it. 🤣

velvetlynx4 said:So you're actually going to beg her to hook up with her friend? Go ahead, tell yourself that’s perfectly fine. Hah.
As if anyone could actually manage to pull that off with her. It’s simply not happening.

Priority is everything 🧐
Birthday gifts certainly sound intriguing.

Adam Davis2 said:Everyone except 🤣

I had this acquaintance who almost dragged me into that whole scene... she was terrorizing my phone for days straight. No matter how much I tried to change the subject or just tune her out, she wouldn't take no for an answer and just kept pushing her own agenda...
At one point, I actually thought I was tripping, thinking I'd misread the signals. That is, until she started getting really specific about what she wanted. Just remember, I had zero clue that they both shared that kind of vibe...
I told her straight up, I don't need that mess in my life, messing around with women who are already taken, dealing with marriage drama and all that... it's just not my scene...
So, I ended up going to see her husband since I know the guy. I laid it all out for him and showed him the texts. And his response? He just goes, "Oh, don't worry about it, we have that arrangement. It's fine..." 😂

Sodom and Gomorrah 🤣

I’ve heard a few stories like that myself.

A man might stray far afield, yet he’s expected to hold his own home close to his chest. 🍿

Melissa Rogers4 said:The whole idea of sharing a partner just doesn't sit right with me, even though I'm not really the jealous type. I want to have something that's just ours. It’s not about being possessive, it’s more that the sense of exclusivity kind of fades away in a (semi)open relationship. If we both view our connection the same way, then you shouldn't be doing things behind your partner's back. It's about trust, Sisyphus. Not jealousy...

It seems to me that the issue here is quite transparent: you aren't actually polyamorous, you’re simply jealous—which, let’s be honest, puts you in the majority of people who find the idea of sharing their affection with anyone else quite intolerable.

Conversely, when it comes to the realm of platonic friendship, I would argue that most people aren't driven by jealousy, but rather possess a naturally polyamorous capacity for connection.

If one were truly a member of a genuinely non-jealous, polyamorous species, then it would follow logically that sharing love wouldn't feel repulsive at all; instead, one would find genuine happiness in seeing that love expand and multiply.

feralranger said:It seems to me that the issue here is quite transparent: you aren't actually polyamorous, you’re simply jealous—which, let’s be honest, puts you in the majority of people who find the idea of sharing their affection with anyone else quite intolerable.

Conversely, when it comes to the realm of platonic friendship, I would argue that most people aren't driven by jealousy, but rather possess a naturally polyamorous capacity for connection.

If one were truly a member of a genuinely non-jealous, polyamorous species, then it would follow logically that sharing love wouldn't feel repulsive at all; instead, one would find genuine happiness in seeing that love expand and multiply.

Don't you get it? You're the only one here who's actually polyamorous.

feralranger said:It seems to me that the issue here is quite transparent: you aren't actually polyamorous, you’re simply jealous—which, let’s be honest, puts you in the majority of people who find the idea of sharing their affection with anyone else quite intolerable.

Conversely, when it comes to the realm of platonic friendship, I would argue that most people aren't driven by jealousy, but rather possess a naturally polyamorous capacity for connection.

If one were truly a member of a genuinely non-jealous, polyamorous species, then it would follow logically that sharing love wouldn't feel repulsive at all; instead, one would find genuine happiness in seeing that love expand and multiply.

That kind of ideal doesn't even exist in a historical harem setting. It really only serves the interests of (liberated) men. 😁

Idiomatic said:Enough with the endless sacrifices! 🙂

I'd put that idea on ice if I were you; it's highly unlikely to ever see the light of day.😁

coastalwalker9 said:You seem quite captivated by this particular topic, not just today, but whenever it surfaces; you have revisited the subjects of jealousy and monogamy countless times now. It makes me wonder: what is the root of this fixation?
Is it a desire to be with multiple women that you simply don't act upon, or perhaps you do practice it but feel burdened by the need for secrecy because your partners are jealous—or is there some other underlying motivation?

Whatever the case may be, it is abundantly clear that this subject draws you in like a magnet.

I find myself preoccupied with psychology... specifically, the fascinating nature of human self-deception. One could argue that almost every politician in Washington claims to be driven by pure altruism, and if we put them all through a polygraph, the machines might not even register a "lie" simply because most individuals have successfully convinced themselves of their own sincerity. However, I remain acutely aware of these psychological delusions, which allows me to see through the facade. It is that underlying psychological layer—that sub-layer beneath the conscious persona—that truly fascinates me when discussing topics such as these.

Look, I hate playing the moral high ground card on a forum—it’s a lose-lose situation. On one hand, cheating might give your ego a temporary boost, but you end up stuck with this nagging guilt—wondering if it was worth it—while the person who got cheated on tends to hurt more initially, though they usually bounce back quickly once they realize they didn't actually lose anything of substance in the long run.

Looking at all the threads on Hazel, the USA, and ZUD, I’m starting to think the people getting scammed don't even realize they haven't actually lost anything of value.

Nicholas Bailey3 said:Look, I hate playing the moral high ground card on a forum—it’s a lose-lose situation. On one hand, cheating might give your ego a temporary boost, but you end up stuck with this nagging guilt—wondering if it was worth it—while the person who got cheated on tends to hurt more initially, though they usually bounce back quickly once they realize they didn't actually lose anything of substance in the long run.

Infidelity is a betrayal of both oneself and your partner.

feralranger said:I find myself preoccupied with psychology... specifically, the fascinating nature of human self-deception. One could argue that almost every politician in Washington claims to be driven by pure altruism, and if we put them all through a polygraph, the machines might not even register a "lie" simply because most individuals have successfully convinced themselves of their own sincerity. However, I remain acutely aware of these psychological delusions, which allows me to see through the facade. It is that underlying psychological layer—that sub-layer beneath the conscious persona—that truly fascinates me when discussing topics such as these.

So, are you actually in a polyamorous relationship right now?

I know a few people living that lifestyle—mostly couples in open relationships, but also a couple of trios.

coastalwalker9 said:Infidelity is a betrayal of both oneself and your partner.

I find myself in agreement. If anyone gets hurt, we are firmly in the territory of deception.

However, if there is no jealousy involved, then there is no emotional damage inflicted; and since, in such a vacuum, there is also no material loss, one could argue there is no actual cheating occurring. But, should that jealousy manifest, then emotional damage follows—given that it is a rather unpleasant sensation—and at that specific juncture, the label of 'cheating' finally gains its necessary substance.

Idiomatic said:And what if she actually... likes it? 😳
Then all three of us are in deep trouble. 😳

Don't act like she’d ever be interested ☕
😁
But you've got a point; there's no sense in making life harder than it needs to be.
Who knows? Some acquaintance might just show up at your door one day
looking for 🤷 ...a little favor in return.
Just run. Forget about it.

Joseph Rivera75 said:Looking at all the threads on Hazel, the USA, and ZUD, I’m starting to think the people getting scammed don't even realize they haven't actually lost anything of value.

Personally, I think the easiest break to take is when you realize you were being played. Sure, it stings—it burns like hell—but aside from a bruised ego, nothing was actually lost. No one's life was ruined over it.

Ludica said:Would you rather be the one doing the cheating, or the one being cheated?

See, there's a massive distinction here—fraud is an actual legal matter, a specific type of activity that the US justice system steps in to penalize.
Infidelity, on the other hand, is a completely different beast altogether.

feralranger said:I find myself preoccupied with psychology... specifically, the fascinating nature of human self-deception. One could argue that almost every politician in Washington claims to be driven by pure altruism, and if we put them all through a polygraph, the machines might not even register a "lie" simply because most individuals have successfully convinced themselves of their own sincerity. However, I remain acutely aware of these psychological delusions, which allows me to see through the facade. It is that underlying psychological layer—that sub-layer beneath the conscious persona—that truly fascinates me when discussing topics such as these.

It isn't necessarily self-deception; rather, it seems more like a lack of awareness or perhaps just a deficiency in experience. Some things you pick up along the way, while others you have to learn through trial and error.

Self-deception tends to be more prevalent among those with high levels of self-confidence. They rarely bother to learn the hard way until they've felt the consequences firsthand.

feralranger said:I find myself in agreement. If anyone gets hurt, we are firmly in the territory of deception.

However, if there is no jealousy involved, then there is no emotional damage inflicted; and since, in such a vacuum, there is also no material loss, one could argue there is no actual cheating occurring. But, should that jealousy manifest, then emotional damage follows—given that it is a rather unpleasant sensation—and at that specific juncture, the label of 'cheating' finally gains its necessary substance.

You end up hurting yourself, too.

There is nothing quite as ugly as that feeling of being unclean and finding yourself utterly repulsive.

Bryan King3 said:See, there's a massive distinction here—fraud is an actual legal matter, a specific type of activity that the US justice system steps in to penalize.
Infidelity, on the other hand, is a completely different beast altogether.

Solid point. There was a time when adultery was actually legally sanctioned too.

Do you all think it should stay that way, or has enough changed?

When two people stand before an official and swear their vows, they agree to certain terms that carry legal weight—like one partner being responsible for the other's debts if a tragic accident happens tomorrow.

feralranger said:It seems to me that the issue here is quite transparent: you aren't actually polyamorous, you’re simply jealous—which, let’s be honest, puts you in the majority of people who find the idea of sharing their affection with anyone else quite intolerable.

Conversely, when it comes to the realm of platonic friendship, I would argue that most people aren't driven by jealousy, but rather possess a naturally polyamorous capacity for connection.

If one were truly a member of a genuinely non-jealous, polyamorous species, then it would follow logically that sharing love wouldn't feel repulsive at all; instead, one would find genuine happiness in seeing that love expand and multiply.

Look, I just want one woman. Just her, and only her. I don't want anyone else because she’s the one who stands out from the crowd to me. If she feels the exact same way about me, then we’ll be together, just the two of us. We should be loving each other, not hurting each other. If someone’s feelings change, they should be honest with their partner out of respect. You shouldn't stay silent and go behind the back of someone you were just soulfully connected to...

If she needed someone else and was fulfilling that need on the side, the breakup wouldn't be about jealousy; it would be because my attention is focused entirely on her, while hers is scattered. It becomes an unbalanced relationship. You know? The initial terms and the harmony we built up get ruined. So, I'm not jealous that she went to someone else; I'm just sad that our relationship isn't the same anymore after she left...

By keeping secrets, we lose the core parts of love: trust, respect, stability, intimacy, and everything else. How can a relationship like that even work? The other thing is that she should have just spoken up. She should have trusted me enough to say her feelings had changed, or that she had changed, so we could figure it out. Maybe we would have worked something out, maybe a different kind of arrangement. But at least there wouldn't be any lying, and we could have kept our friendship and human connection, even if the romance couldn't stay the same...