Spanking and physical discipline: what are your thoughts?

Robert Reyes4 said:Through integrity.
For instance, my mom couldn't stand lying. I never even dared to tell a lie because I was terrified of disappointing her—or anyone else, really. Looking back, that might be a bit dramatic; sometimes you have to tell a white lie just to get through the day.
And through high expectations.
Growing up, we kept cash in a kitchen drawer. Back in elementary school, if I needed something, they'd just tell me, "Go grab it from the drawer." I could pick up small things without even asking. They never checked up on me or questioned how much I took, but I just knew where the line was. It never crossed my mind to take more than I needed.
They never even asked if I’d done my homework or studied, because it was just assumed I would. And honestly, I did.

Of course, they weren't perfect. I'm only highlighting the parts that actually worked out well. In other areas, things definitely went south.

Exactly. A kid throws a tiny tantrum and starts smashing their room, and you're just supposed to sit there and say, "hey, respect my decision"?

feralranger said:

Robert Reyes4 As expressed by feralranger:
It is simply because they neglected them from the very beginning. Once you fail to lay down a solid foundation right out of the gate, trying to patch things up later becomes an uphill battle that most people aren't prepared for.
I am inclined to believe that the most vital element is...
A proper diet should serve as a catalyst for developing self-discipline and a newfound respect for others; however, one simply cannot achieve such lofty virtues through the blunt instrument of punishment.

It isn't always that simple, nor does there exist some sort of universal "magic formula" for these situations. I recall a kid who attended school with my son; he was quite frankly the most relentless bully in his entire grade. The kicker? His mother was a professional psychologist specializing specifically in child development! She raised him strictly "by the book," following every psychological principle to the letter, yet somehow, her little boy still turned out to be a nightmare for everyone else.

On the other hand, one of my close friends—my maid of honor from years ago—certainly believed in the old-school method of discipline, relying heavily on a firm hand to keep her three children in line. And yet, looking at them now, they turned out to be the absolute picture of propriety; we're talking top-tier manners, elite private schooling, Ivy League degrees, the whole nine yards. They’ve never once stepped an inch out of line or caused a moment of scandal.

We raised our children without ever resorting to corporal punishment, yet it is becoming increasingly apparent that her offspring are navigating life with far greater ease and success than ours ever did.

One shouldn't fall into the trap of assuming that your particular experience serves as some sort of universal blueprint or a definitive "how-to" guide for everyone else. There are countless examples out there that prove otherwise.

Good parenting isn't just about staying out of trouble, and it doesn't necessarily guarantee success later on.
There are plenty of examples out there, sure, but generally speaking, I think punishment is a losing game.

Henry Sullivan10 said:Exactly. A kid throws a tiny tantrum and starts smashing their room, and you're just supposed to sit there and say, "hey, respect my decision"?

none, but this is total nonsense. Respecting someone doesn't mean letting them walk all over you.

Honestly, being punished never actually worked for me. I still remember how my teacher used to make me sit in the corner of the classroom just to sulk. It didn't do anything helpful. 🍿

Robert Reyes4 said:Good parenting isn't just about staying out of trouble, and it doesn't necessarily guarantee success later on.
There are plenty of examples out there, sure, but generally speaking, I think punishment is a losing game.

I am somewhat uncertain; if we look at her specific case—and indeed the perspective offered by those psychologists—one might argue the exact opposite is true. Regardless, the takeaway here seems to be that there is simply no such thing as a universal 'blueprint' for success.

Daniel Kelly57 said:Honestly, being punished never actually worked for me. I still remember how my teacher used to make me sit in the corner of the classroom just to sulk. It didn't do anything helpful. 🍿

Yeah, that method is pretty mindless. So, what did you actually do?

feralranger said:I am somewhat uncertain; if we look at her specific case—and indeed the perspective offered by those psychologists—one might argue the exact opposite is true. Regardless, the takeaway here seems to be that there is simply no such thing as a universal 'blueprint' for success.

Just because someone's a psychologist doesn't mean they have all the answers. Sometimes a gut feeling is more accurate than anything you can read in a textbook. At the end of the day, the emotional connection is what matters most.
How are you supposed to truly know what those kids are feeling? Or predict when certain traumas might actually surface? I'm not claiming it's a crisis if a kid gets a spanking once in a blue moon.
But generally speaking, it's not worth overthinking.

Robert Reyes4 said:Yeah, that method is pretty mindless. So, what did you actually do?

Look, I just didn't buy her teaching style. I didn't think she had what it takes to actually be an educator, so I told her straight up that I'd never stoop to her level. From then on, I spent most of high school sitting in the corner of the classroom after class ended.🍿

Robert Reyes4 said:none, but this is total nonsense. Respecting someone doesn't mean letting them walk all over you.

So, what, I should just politely ask him to stop? While being super respectful of his feelings, obviously?

Daniel Kelly57 said:Look, I just didn't buy her teaching style. I didn't think she had what it takes to actually be an educator, so I told her straight up that I'd never stoop to her level. From then on, I spent most of high school sitting in the corner of the classroom after class ended.🍿

Seriously? In detention during high school? The only time I dealt with that was back in middle school.
What subject did she teach? Now I'm actually curious.

Henry Sullivan10 said:So, what, I should just politely ask him to stop? While being super respectful of his feelings, obviously?

First, you just step in and stop it. You can actually do that because you're the adult.
But if things have already reached the point where a kid is tearing the house apart... you really need to take a long, hard look at why that happened.

Robert Reyes4 said:Seriously? In detention during high school? The only time I dealt with that was back in middle school.
What subject did she teach? Now I'm actually curious.

Yeah, she was definitely unstable. She wasn't cut out for teaching. I mostly just remember my math teacher from middle school who used to whack my hands with a ruler. Nothing too crazy, though. I actually liked her a lot, even if everyone thought she was intense. She was fair, you know? Didn't play favorites. But this lady taught me my absolute least favorite subject of all time: English.🍿

A massive study involving more than 160,000 kids

http://www.iflscience.com/brain/span...iant-children/

Robert Reyes4 said:First, you just step in and stop it. You can actually do that because you're the adult.
But if things have already reached the point where a kid is tearing the house apart... you really need to take a long, hard look at why that happened.

Man, you CLEARLY don't have kids. I mean, I'm starting to wonder if you've even seen a child in person before.

Robert Reyes4 said:Just because someone's a psychologist doesn't mean they have all the answers. Sometimes a gut feeling is more accurate than anything you can read in a textbook. At the end of the day, the emotional connection is what matters most.
How are you supposed to truly know what those kids are feeling? Or predict when certain traumas might actually surface? I'm not claiming it's a crisis if a kid gets a spanking once in a blue moon.
But generally speaking, it's not worth overthinking.

She raised him strictly by the book, following all the modern parenting trends without ever resorting to discipline... yet the cold, hard facts suggest the kid turned out to be a complete bully.

Robert Reyes4 said:Just because someone's a psychologist doesn't mean they have all the answers. Sometimes a gut feeling is more accurate than anything you can read in a textbook. At the end of the day, the emotional connection is what matters most.
How are you supposed to truly know what those kids are feeling? Or predict when certain traumas might actually surface? I'm not claiming it's a crisis if a kid gets a spanking once in a blue moon.
But generally speaking, it's not worth overthinking.

As for the kids belonging to that friend of yours? Look, nobody is >. How can you possibly claim to know what your own children will do with their lives? Her children are perfectly stable, well-adjusted, have great social circles, and are quite successful. This stands in stark contrast to this other boy—the one whose mother is a psychologist who avoided all discipline—who ended up being a bully. That is an empirical fact from my own neighborhood.

There are endless examples of this. There is simply no universal formula.

feralranger said:She raised him strictly by the book, following all the modern parenting trends without ever resorting to discipline... yet the cold, hard facts suggest the kid turned out to be a complete bully.

As for the kids belonging to that friend of yours? Look, nobody is >. How can you possibly claim to know what your own children will do with their lives? Her children are perfectly stable, well-adjusted, have great social circles, and are quite successful. This stands in stark contrast to this other boy—the one whose mother is a psychologist who avoided all discipline—who ended up being a bully. That is an empirical fact from my own neighborhood.

There are endless examples of this. There is simply no universal formula.

Clearly, books don't work for everyone. Theory is one thing, but reality is another. Plus, maybe genetics played a part. Some people argue that genes heavily influence how a kid develops. 🍿

...well, it is quite obvious that there are numerous variables at play here... making broad generalizations is rarely a wise move because, as is often the case, specific examples tend to dismantle them entirely...

feralranger said:...well, it is quite obvious that there are numerous variables at play here... making broad generalizations is rarely a wise move because, as is often the case, specific examples tend to dismantle them entirely...

Look, we're just talking. No sweeping statements here. Just sharing what we've been through.🍿

Henry Sullivan10 said:Man, you CLEARLY don't have kids. I mean, I'm starting to wonder if you've even seen a child in person before.

I covered this at the start of the thread. No, I don't have my own, but I've babysat my sister's kid. Eight hours a day, every single day, for months at a time.
So, what's your take?

Do you actually think it's normal for a kid to just start wrecking an entire apartment?
Obviously, I'm not talking about toddlers.

feralranger said:...well, it is quite obvious that there are numerous variables at play here... making broad generalizations is rarely a wise move because, as is often the case, specific examples tend to dismantle them entirely...

It’s basically impossible to set one rule that fits everyone. Maybe the only constant is that the goal should be actual development—not being a total pushover and not being a drill sergeant either. In the real world, how well any method works is hit or miss, and honestly, it just comes down to the individual.