Spanking and physical discipline: what are your thoughts?

Honestly, while I can't stand parents who go way too hard on their kids every single day, I think I find the other group even more frustrating—those folks who just don't get that sometimes, you know, a little bit of discipline (depending on what's actually happening, obviously) is totally necessary to help a kid understand where they stand and just knock some sense into them, both figuratively and literally 😬

Look, I’m certainly not advocating for physical punishment, but I am also completely against this trend of turning a blind eye to everything a kid does—even when they're actively causing chaos for everyone else! Is it really acceptable to just let a child scream their head off in the middle of a Target, slamming into people or tossing items off the shelves?🙄Is that actually okay? It feels like 90% of parents in these situations just ignore the meltdown entirely. In fact, they often go a step further and start an argument if you have the audacity to politely point out the behavior. Honestly, I get the impression these parents spend all their time scrolling through parenting blogs or snapping selfies, convinced their little one is some kind of precious deity that the rest of the world should bow down to and cater to. I mean, seriously?

Physical discipline can be a last resort when talking simply doesn't work—when explanations fall on deaf ears and you realize you actually need to make it clear to a child that their behavior is unacceptable.
Since kids are still small, they don't always grasp the long-term consequences of their actions, no matter how much you explain things to them. Even in the animal kingdom, there’s a certain level of physical correction used in training. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve watched a mother cat swat a kitten on the head or give it a firm shake by the scruff of its neck just to get it to settle down. It’s about making them understand.
Now, obviously, actual violence is absolutely reprehensible, but a quick swat on the backside can be quite an effective teaching tool for a particularly unruly child.

Richard Carter23 said:Physical discipline can be a last resort when talking simply doesn't work—when explanations fall on deaf ears and you realize you actually need to make it clear to a child that their behavior is unacceptable.
Since kids are still small, they don't always grasp the long-term consequences of their actions, no matter how much you explain things to them. Even in the animal kingdom, there’s a certain level of physical correction used in training. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve watched a mother cat swat a kitten on the head or give it a firm shake by the scruff of its neck just to get it to settle down. It’s about making them understand.
Now, obviously, actual violence is absolutely reprehensible, but a quick swat on the backside can be quite an effective teaching tool for a particularly unruly child.

I felt compelled to weigh in on this topic—though, frankly, there isn't much to add because I find myself in complete agreement with every single word of this post.
🙂

Kenneth Barnes4 said:Alright, moving on... let me write a bit about why it’s vital for a kid to understand that their actions have consequences.

When parents overprotect a kid from everything—especially negative outcomes (like if the kid messes up and the parent rushes in to fix it)—that kid never learns that actions have CONSEQUENCES. When we teach kids that what they do matters, we're actually teaching them how to make their own choices and how to avoid bad outcomes (I’m talking a smack on the butt here, not, you know, assault or something.

In cases where kids are shielded from seeing the fallout of their behavior, they grow up unable to correctly link results to their own actions. Decision-making in adulthood isn't just the simple stuff: like having three candy bars to choose from, where it's easy to pick one (or you're too indecisive to pick any at all).

It goes deeper than that. It's a process where a person realizes that if they combine A and B, they get result C. If a kid never sees the consequences, they'll head from A to B without ever considering the end result. Basically, a person enjoys the process for whatever subjective reasons, but they either don't want the final outcome or can't predict it.

Okay, I'm overcomplicating this... fine, here's a totally unrealistic, hypothetical example.
Someone is hiking through the woods toward a bungee jumping site. They're stoked, singing: "YAY BUNGEE IS COOL, LALALA bungee mungee lala lungee." 🤣🤣 Then an indecisive person comes along, hears them singing, and joins in. Since singing "bungee mungee lala" is fun, they walk through the woods together, having a blast. But then they reach the actual bungee jumping spot—the goal. Person A, who was singing about it, is thrilled because the whole trip was leading to this. Person B (the indecisive one) finally sees what's actually happening—they're expected to jump—and they aren't interested. So they just turn around and leave. Because Person B enjoyed the walk and the singing, but didn't account for the destination, once they hit the goal, they're out. Get what I'm saying?

Or take a guy hitting on a woman with sexual undertones. She plays along because she thinks it's fun, like a game or something. Then the guy expects sex, but the woman doesn't realize that's where this is heading and just wanders off to do something else she finds fun. The guy feels provoked or like there was some ulterior motive, when really, there wasn't.

It's the same thing with reading between the lines. You say something to someone to imply a point, but they don't grasp your direction or your target; they only hear the literal words. It's the same A+B=C formula for everything.

People like that cause total chaos in life. Why? Because the other person—who usually has a clear goal in mind (which is most people, let's be real)—assumes they're on the same page because they're acting like it. Then suddenly, they pivot, and you realize they weren't. It's similar to the chaos caused by people who struggle with emotional attachment but then suddenly want something intensely. They push hard to get something, the other side builds an emotional connection, and then these people just vanish because they don't build those connections. So, who's to blame? We could throw ASPD or BPD diagnoses at everyone at this point 😬

Look, I get that most people won't see how this all connects, but it does. This is how I reached the conclusion that physical discipline should be used as a consequence for bad behavior. Kids won't always understand exactly where they're headed in the moment. But if a parent gives you *that* look—you know what that means, you're screwed—you move. Simple.

I have to admit, I'm one of those people who finds your thought process completely baffling, and honestly, a little unsettling. Would you mind trying to explain it from the beginning?

Jose Martin71 said:Exactly.
Just about twenty days ago, I had a student run to the corner of the classroom, screaming and sobbing, because they were terrified to go home—scared that Mom would beat them again just because they once again received a failing grade.

Yeah, because it's a totally normal reaction for a kid to bolt to a corner and scream his head off after getting a spanking.

Richard Carter23 said:Physical discipline can be a last resort when talking simply doesn't work—when explanations fall on deaf ears and you realize you actually need to make it clear to a child that their behavior is unacceptable.
Since kids are still small, they don't always grasp the long-term consequences of their actions, no matter how much you explain things to them. Even in the animal kingdom, there’s a certain level of physical correction used in training. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve watched a mother cat swat a kitten on the head or give it a firm shake by the scruff of its neck just to get it to settle down. It’s about making them understand.
Now, obviously, actual violence is absolutely reprehensible, but a quick swat on the backside can be quite an effective teaching tool for a particularly unruly child.

👍

Joseph Bailey41 said:I have to admit, I'm one of those people who finds your thought process completely baffling, and honestly, a little unsettling. Would you mind trying to explain it from the beginning?

I really don't have the energy for that... 🤣

So look, I think learning how to make decisions and understanding that your actions have consequences is a vital part of life. I was saying that physical punishment teaches kids that what they do matters. Google "decision making" and try to wrap your head around it 🙂 but whatever, it doesn't matter. I'm just putting my thoughts into words whenever I have some downtime.😬

Kenneth Barnes4 said:Yeah, because it's a totally normal reaction for a kid to bolt to a corner and scream his head off after getting a spanking.

👍

I really don't have the energy for that... 🤣

So look, I think learning how to make decisions and understanding that your actions have consequences is a vital part of life. I was saying that physical punishment teaches kids that what they do matters. Google "decision making" and try to wrap your head around it 🙂 but whatever, it doesn't matter. I'm just putting my thoughts into words whenever I have some downtime.😬

No, that’s not what we’re teaching them. What we’re actually doing—and it's pretty heartbreaking when you think about it—is teaching them to be terrified of their own parents. We're basically raising kids with zero self-confidence, making them believe that violence and hitting are just totally acceptable ways to behave!

I’d love to dive into this with you! It’s such a fascinating question—why do most developed nations, including the US, have strictly outlawed corporal punishment? It really comes down to a massive shift in how we view human rights and child development over the last century. Basically, the consensus among experts—think psychologists from places like Harvard or Stanford—is that hitting a child doesn't actually teach them "discipline without drama," it just teaches them to fear the person holding the belt! Instead of learning why a behavior was wrong, kids often just learn how to avoid getting caught next time. Plus, there's the whole argument about setting a precedent: if we teach children that violence is an acceptable way to resolve conflict at home, we're essentially training them to act that way out in the world later on. It’s all about moving toward more constructive, communicative ways of teaching boundaries. It isn't always easy—let's be real, parenting is tough!—but the goal is to break that cycle of physical force and focus on long-term emotional intelligence instead.

So, since you mentioned your parents weren't exactly big on physical discipline—which I totally respect, by the way!—help me out here: how did you actually learn that actions have consequences? Are you trying to say there's something "off" with how you were raised, or are you actually feeling like you missed out on that kind of guidance? I'm genuinely curious!
I mean—if you’re actually looking to get jumped, just let me know!🤣🤣)

Hey! Since you seem a bit too lazy to go hunting for these yourself:

http://modernparenting.com/kids...punishment/

http://mommyblog.com/toddler...behavior/

Kenneth Barnes4 said:Yeah, because it's a totally normal reaction for a kid to bolt to a corner and scream his head off after getting a spanking.

👍

I really don't have the energy for that... 🤣

So look, I think learning how to make decisions and understanding that your actions have consequences is a vital part of life. I was saying that physical punishment teaches kids that what they do matters. Google "decision making" and try to wrap your head around it 🙂 but whatever, it doesn't matter. I'm just putting my thoughts into words whenever I have some downtime.😬

How can you even tell if it was too much or too little? Either way, it was enough to trigger an "abnormal" response. And Unit One is still getting hit.

Kenneth Barnes4 said:Yeah, because it's a totally normal reaction for a kid to bolt to a corner and scream his head off after getting a spanking.

👍

I really don't have the energy for that... 🤣

So look, I think learning how to make decisions and understanding that your actions have consequences is a vital part of life. I was saying that physical punishment teaches kids that what they do matters. Google "decision making" and try to wrap your head around it 🙂 but whatever, it doesn't matter. I'm just putting my thoughts into words whenever I have some downtime.😬

If it isn't important and has nothing to do with the topic, why bring it up in the discussion at all?

I’m having a hard time figuring out where the disconnect is—whether it’s in the thought process itself or just in the way you’re putting those thoughts into words—so it's tough for me to suggest how you might fix the issue. Do you honestly think you'd be able to think more clearly or write any better if someone gave you a spanking every now and then?
☕

I’m honestly not quite sure how to approach this topic. I grew up in a household where getting spanked was pretty standard—just like my half-brothers—and occasionally, it even happened at school back in the day. On one hand, I suppose that instilled a certain level of discipline in me, but on the other, I can't help but feel that such a turbulent childhood likely contributed to my struggles with psychosis. These days, you can't even raise your voice at a kid without someone threatening to call CPS, and then you have the whole issue of peer bullying among the kids themselves. It’s a complicated era we're living in, my friend ☕

Joseph Bailey41 said:How can you even tell if it was too much or too little? Either way, it was enough to trigger an "abnormal" response. And Unit One is still getting hit.

If it isn't important and has nothing to do with the topic, why bring it up in the discussion at all?

I’m having a hard time figuring out where the disconnect is—whether it’s in the thought process itself or just in the way you’re putting those thoughts into words—so it's tough for me to suggest how you might fix the issue. Do you honestly think you'd be able to think more clearly or write any better if someone gave you a spanking every now and then?
☕

Like I’ve said a million times already, kids need to be treated right before you even think about physical punishment. You can't just have some maid swatting you around the house because you got a C on a test.

Quentin:

If it’s irrelevant and has nothing to do with the topic, why bring it up at all? I can't tell where the breakdown is happening—is it in your head or just in how you type? Hard to say what you need to work on to fix this issue. You think you'd think clearer and write better if someone gave you a slap on the ass once in a while?☕

Explaining things in detail is pointless. People who get it, get it. People who don't, won't. Clearly you don't. I've been saying the same thing from the start. It's about understanding consequences, teaching kids to make their own choices, weighing the good against the bad, etc. You can't connect any of that into a coherent thought, so instead, you ask me—and look, let me quote you again:

Quentin:

If it’s irrelevant and has nothing to do with the topic, why bring it up at all?

I said it was irrelevant because my previous post went into way too much detail, so I just tossed out a "whatever" phrase.

Kenneth Barnes4 said:Like I’ve said a million times already, kids need to be treated right before you even think about physical punishment. You can't just have some maid swatting you around the house because you got a C on a test.

Quentin:

If it’s irrelevant and has nothing to do with the topic, why bring it up at all? I can't tell where the breakdown is happening—is it in your head or just in how you type? Hard to say what you need to work on to fix this issue. You think you'd think clearer and write better if someone gave you a slap on the ass once in a while?☕

Explaining things in detail is pointless. People who get it, get it. People who don't, won't. Clearly you don't. I've been saying the same thing from the start. It's about understanding consequences, teaching kids to make their own choices, weighing the good against the bad, etc. You can't connect any of that into a coherent thought, so instead, you ask me—and look, let me quote you again:

Quentin:

If it’s irrelevant and has nothing to do with the topic, why bring it up at all?

I said it was irrelevant because my previous post went into way too much detail, so I just tossed out a "whatever" phrase.

So, what, a husband just punches his wife in the eye every now and then when he feels like it, but otherwise they're all sunshine and rainbows? Is that how it works?

Honestly, you're something else—it's wild how much you've lost the plot here... unless you're just trolling... which, let's face it, is totally possible...

You're still dodging the question about why physical punishment is illegal under US law.

Quentin

darkcanyon10 said:I work as a counselor at one of our state juvenile detention centers here in the States.
It’s gotten to the point where the kids are actually getting physical with the staff. Sadly.
Non-violence usually just breeds more violence.
When some 16-year-old decides to swing at me, talking my way out of it isn't really an option.
So, I signed up for self-defense classes. :klap:

I’ve been thinking a lot about the background of kids who end up in foster care or residential facilities—specifically those teenagers who seem to direct all their aggression toward you the moment they hit adolescence. It really makes you wonder about the domestic environment they came from. From what I can gather, there isn't just one single "type" of family, but there are definitely patterns. Often, these kids come from homes where there was a significant amount of instability—think chronic financial stress, substance abuse issues, or perhaps a lack of consistent emotional availability from the parents. It’s rarely just one thing; it’s usually a combination of factors that leaves a child feeling like the world is an unpredictable or even hostile place. As for the physical aspect, it's a heavy question, but much of the research suggests that yes, many of these kids have experienced physical punishment or even more severe forms of corporal punishment during their early childhood. When a child grows up learning that physical force is how you resolve conflict or express frustration, they often internalize that as their primary "language." By the time they reach their teenage years, that behavior often shifts outward. They aren't necessarily "bad kids"—it's more like they're using a survival mechanism that they learned at home. When they start targeting you, it’s frequently a defensive reflex; they are testing boundaries or trying to regain a sense of control in an environment that feels unfamiliar. It’s almost like they’re projecting the chaos they experienced growing up onto the people trying to provide them with structure. It's a tough cycle to break, but understanding that their outbursts are often a delayed reaction to past trauma helps make sense of why they lash out when you least expect it.

George Davis6 said:Hey! Since you seem a bit too lazy to go hunting for these yourself:

http://modernparenting.com/kids...punishment/

http://mommyblog.com/toddler...behavior/

These are some really solid links you've shared here. 👍
For those of you looking to dive a bit deeper into this, I’d really suggest picking up the book...discipline without dramaIt’s also something you’ll find tucked away in libraries—you know, those quiet little corners where you can really get lost in a thought.

@Musk, you should bring your boyfriend or me along to work one day so we can collectively "re-educate" those little kids who keep acting out toward you 😒
I mean, seriously, why on earth would someone actually try to punch you? I feel terrible about it 😢 hang in there!

My brother and I grew up in a house where hands were never laid on us. I don't recall a single instance of a parent hitting me; at most, things would get loud, and that was the absolute limit of how intense it got. We were raised strictly through a system of rewards and consequences... if I’m being blunt, it felt more like training. If you messed up, the punishment stayed in effect until it was served, and both of them were damnably relentless about that.
To be honest... there were plenty of times I actually wished they’d just lost it and given me a beating, just so I could take my medicine and move on—whether that meant being grounded from the PC, staying inside, or whatever else they decided. They always picked the "perfect" punishment.
Looking back, I’m actually grateful for it. I’m proud of them for being among those rare types of parents who managed to raise two sons without ever resorting to violence, though I have to give credit to my mother, who had the time and the patience to keep everything running smoothly at home.

darkcanyon10 said:Whatever the cause... the reality is most schools and institutions in America are basically just sets for violent movies.

Parenting is just another controlled form of violence designed to trigger discomfort or pain in a kid to make them stop acting out. Parenting = violence.
Don't ruin kids by overdoing the affection; they need discipline.
Discipline is uncomfortable, and so is having clear boundaries. External structure builds internal structure.

The issue is that parenting "without hitting" is frequently mistaken for being permissive, which isn't the case at all.
I was raised much more strictly than my old neighbor, who was practically raised solely through physical punishment. He actually got away with way more and was given far more leeway, but the second he crossed a line, his parents would absolutely lose it on him.
Back when I was flirting with my music teacher, I got grounded for a week, whereas his parents just told him, "Let it go!" It didn't matter that he was constantly covered in bruises from being hit; he wasn't actually being raised.
The other problem is that raising kids without physical discipline requires significantly more patience, consistency, and nerves, leading people to ask: "Why bother, when a smack on the backside gets the same result in half the time?"
I don't know... I think it's worth the effort.

Kenneth Barnes4 said:Like I’ve said a million times already, kids need to be treated right before you even think about physical punishment. You can't just have some maid swatting you around the house because you got a C on a test.

Quentin:

If it’s irrelevant and has nothing to do with the topic, why bring it up at all? I can't tell where the breakdown is happening—is it in your head or just in how you type? Hard to say what you need to work on to fix this issue. You think you'd think clearer and write better if someone gave you a slap on the ass once in a while?☕

Explaining things in detail is pointless. People who get it, get it. People who don't, won't. Clearly you don't. I've been saying the same thing from the start. It's about understanding consequences, teaching kids to make their own choices, weighing the good against the bad, etc. You can't connect any of that into a coherent thought, so instead, you ask me—and look, let me quote you again:

Quentin:

If it’s irrelevant and has nothing to do with the topic, why bring it up at all?

I said it was irrelevant because my previous post went into way too much detail, so I just tossed out a "whatever" phrase.

If you're going to make a point, it's on you to tie it all together logically rather than expecting me to play mind reader to figure out what you meant. You can't teach children (or adults, for that matter) how to make independent decisions through physical punishment.

But let's try this instead—did your little "cloning" experiment have any actual negative consequences? And were you even aware of the rule against using two different accounts in the same thread?

Give me an answer to that, and then we can move forward. ☕

@ rowdytiger13, my stepmother—who used to beat me and my half-siblings until we were completely exhausted—was also beaten herself until she was bruised blue by her own mother, who would actually hold a knife to her throat.
It’s this heavy chain that just keeps passing down through the generations. But, honestly, I truly believe the chance to break that cycle always lies right here in the present moment, and if I ever have kids of my own, I promise I won't lay a hand on them.
Did your parents ever deal with physical abuse? Do you know anything about what their childhood was like?

Look, I’m not a parent yet, so I don't claim to know everything—I just have a pretty clear vision of how I want things to go.
From a kid's perspective, the worst part about physical punishment wasn't even the actual hit or the pain... it was seeing that pure rage, almost hatred, in my parents' eyes. That's what really creeped me out—that raw aggression.

Honestly, it feels to me like when a parent raises their hand, it’s rarely some calm, rational single strike that sticks with you. It’s usually just an explosion of anger because they ran out of patience.

Just thinking out loud here, but I hope that when I eventually reach that stage where my kid is driving me absolutely insane and I feel the urge to lash out... I'll be able to just walk away, cool off, and then deal with it.
Right after, I'll take a second to actually figure out why I'm feeling the urge to hit someone—especially a child. Aggression kicks in whenever someone doesn't "flow" exactly the way we planned for them.

My point is, if "disciplinary" hits ever happen, they aren't coming from a place of wanting to teach the kid a lesson. They come from wanting to satisfy an impulse. And then it gets wrapped up in this whole "doing it for the child's own good" excuse.

Peter Murphy6 said:Look, I’m not a parent yet, so I don't claim to know everything—I just have a pretty clear vision of how I want things to go.
From a kid's perspective, the worst part about physical punishment wasn't even the actual hit or the pain... it was seeing that pure rage, almost hatred, in my parents' eyes. That's what really creeped me out—that raw aggression.

Honestly, it feels to me like when a parent raises their hand, it’s rarely some calm, rational single strike that sticks with you. It’s usually just an explosion of anger because they ran out of patience.

Just thinking out loud here, but I hope that when I eventually reach that stage where my kid is driving me absolutely insane and I feel the urge to lash out... I'll be able to just walk away, cool off, and then deal with it.
Right after, I'll take a second to actually figure out why I'm feeling the urge to hit someone—especially a child. Aggression kicks in whenever someone doesn't "flow" exactly the way we planned for them.

My point is, if "disciplinary" hits ever happen, they aren't coming from a place of wanting to teach the kid a lesson. They come from wanting to satisfy an impulse. And then it gets wrapped up in this whole "doing it for the child's own good" excuse.

It's honestly terrifying 😢 reading about how children manage to survive those kinds of situations in a book I once came across.
It mentioned things like dissociating from your own body or making peace with death—I don't remember every detail, but that was the gist. Some people grow up to become sociopaths, while most deal with various psychological struggles.
I vividly remember my younger half-brother, who's three years my junior, getting beaten because he struggled with math. My stepmother used to hit him so hard he'd lose track of which hand was his left and which was his right. I'm not exaggerating. It’s actually quite surprising how normally he seems to have turned out, but he still struggles with sudden, impulsive reactions and can never seem to just sit still; he always has to be doing something.
I don't want to pry into his personal business, especially since I carry my own baggage from everything I went through, too. But genetics plays such a massive role here; someone who has endured all that chaos might still end up a healthy person, provided they have the right genetic foundation.