School closures/delays?

James Cox6 said:So, last year I was helping out a friend by dropping off some enrollment paperwork for her kid—her boss wouldn't give her the day off, so she asked me to handle the school registration. No big deal.
The office wasn't crowded, which actually worked out because I ended up chatting with a special education specialist. I started asking about early enrollment and maturity levels, and she told me everything you guys have been debating here, plus one thing nobody else mentioned. The conversation went like this:

"Mom, do you have a boy or a girl?" I told her—a girl. "Well, you know," she said, "if you enroll a child at 6 years and 3 months, they might meet the height and weight requirements, but don't mistake that for physical maturity. If they seem short for their age, it’s probably not just about height..."
"You need to realize right from the start that your child might be the least physically developed in the class. They might be at the very bottom of the pack—the last one in the grade to get their period or start developing physically."
"It might sound crazy to you, but these things weigh heavily on those little pre-pubescent minds. You have to remember there are kids in that same class who delayed starting until they were 7 or 8, while yours is starting at 6 and 3 months... Just try to imagine the psychological gap—sometimes up to two years in developmental stages—when hormones kick in and throw all that emotional stability out the window."

So now I'm asking you moms—do you think this becomes a major issue for emotionally immature kids? (I'd prefer answers from moms of girls, since the specialist was specifically talking about female development)

Listening.🙂

I had body hair and swollen-looking breasts by the time I was seven. My mom actually took me to the doctor because she thought something was wrong, but it was just my body developing. I got my period at nine, and by twelve, I was fully grown.
So, what, should I have started school a year earlier just to fit in with the pack?
We should focus on things we can actually control. Honestly, I wish my parents had sent me to school at five, because both physically and emotionally, I was way ahead of everyone else.
Waiting until a child is seven and a half to start school—especially if they're showing signs of early puberty—just because someone is afraid they won't handle failure? That's probably the biggest disservice you could do to a kid.
If my daughter keeps developing at this rate, physically and emotionally, I'm looking into enrolling her when she's five and a half. I just don't know if the system even allows it.

Dana Martin87 said:I had body hair and swollen-looking breasts by the time I was seven. My mom actually took me to the doctor because she thought something was wrong, but it was just my body developing. I got my period at nine, and by twelve, I was fully grown.
So, what, should I have started school a year earlier just to fit in with the pack?
We should focus on things we can actually control. Honestly, I wish my parents had sent me to school at five, because both physically and emotionally, I was way ahead of everyone else.
Waiting until a child is seven and a half to start school—especially if they're showing signs of early puberty—just because someone is afraid they won't handle failure? That's probably the biggest disservice you could do to a kid.
If my daughter keeps developing at this rate, physically and emotionally, I'm looking into enrolling her when she's five and a half. I just don't know if the system even allows it.

And what exactly are these "signs of early puberty" we're talking about in a tall, developed kid? You know, the kind of things other kids notice and use to single them out? I need to know so I can figure out if I'm doing my daughter a favor or just setting her up for disaster.🤔

My girl is tall, she's physically ahead of the curve, and she'll likely be one of the tallest in her class when she starts school next year—maybe even the tallest. So what? Someone has to be the first or the last in line, as that lady once put it. She's tall, sure, but how am I supposed to know exactly when puberty hits or when she'll start developing? I haven't even hit those milestones myself yet.🙂
If she doesn't stand out because of her height or early development, maybe she'll stick out because she wears glasses or needs braces? Or maybe she chooses leggings while every other girl is wearing skirts? Heaven forbid a child stands out from the crowd; apparently, we should just hammer them down until they blend perfectly into the masses.🙄

Honestly, this whole line of thinking is absurd. I didn't push my daughter to start school early (she was born in mid-April). I've already explained my reasoning. I still maintain that it's better for a child who isn't emotionally mature to start school a bit later. School isn't going anywhere. It'll still be there when they're older and better equipped to handle the pressures it brings.

Just look at how that kid is developing... I was listening to U2 back in first grade while my peers were stuck on Taylor Swift. Every single night, I was watching The Daily Mail while everyone else went to bed after cartoons. By fourth grade, I’d already plowed through the Russian classics just for fun, while my classmates were still reading Segrt Hlapic. Don't even get me started on sexual maturity.

As far as early puberty goes, at least those signs were spotted early.
I remember being terrified that someone in class would find out I had my period or armpit hair because kids back then wouldn't have understood—plus, I was already way ahead of them. I actually waited for someone else in class to start their period so I could finally tell the gym teacher I couldn't participate without having to explain myself. It took over two years for that to happen.
Kids are incredibly insecure during puberty, and for me, the hardest part hit during the lower elementary years. It sucked feeling so "advanced" compared to everyone else.

That's why by middle school, I was totally confident, while other girls were losing their minds over a pimple.😁

It’s not exactly dramatic. But honestly, I wish I had started school a little younger. I would have actually fit in with the other kids. In puberty, that stuff matters, damn it.

I was listening to Pink Floyd and The Doors during my freshman year of high school; I probably should have been more focused on my studies 😬
My mom was already reading me heavy literature meant for adults, so I ended up playing with books that were way beyond simple picture books instead of typical kids' stuff.

I don't really get this whole criterion regarding height and physical development. I'd love to believe it was just a lapse in judgment rather than a complete lack of expertise from the specialist.

Dana Martin87 said:Just look at how that kid is developing... I was listening to U2 back in first grade while my peers were stuck on Taylor Swift. Every single night, I was watching The Daily Mail while everyone else went to bed after cartoons. By fourth grade, I’d already plowed through the Russian classics just for fun, while my classmates were still reading Segrt Hlapic. Don't even get me started on sexual maturity.

As far as early puberty goes, at least those signs were spotted early.
I remember being terrified that someone in class would find out I had my period or armpit hair because kids back then wouldn't have understood—plus, I was already way ahead of them. I actually waited for someone else in class to start their period so I could finally tell the gym teacher I couldn't participate without having to explain myself. It took over two years for that to happen.
Kids are incredibly insecure during puberty, and for me, the hardest part hit during the lower elementary years. It sucked feeling so "advanced" compared to everyone else.

That's why by middle school, I was totally confident, while other girls were losing their minds over a pimple.😁

It’s not exactly dramatic. But honestly, I wish I had started school a little younger. I would have actually fit in with the other kids. In puberty, that stuff matters, damn it.

I won't go as far as claiming I read Russian classics in the first four grades😁, but I certainly understand the situation with the body changes and periods. However, precocious puberty is something that can be managed—it can be brought under control. Even if it does happen, I don't see much difference whether a child hits puberty in first grade or second. It's premature regardless. From my perspective, starting school earlier doesn't solve anything.

rowdypanther12 said:I was listening to Pink Floyd and The Doors during my freshman year of high school; I probably should have been more focused on my studies 😬
My mom was already reading me heavy literature meant for adults, so I ended up playing with books that were way beyond simple picture books instead of typical kids' stuff.

I don't really get this whole criterion regarding height and physical development. I'd love to believe it was just a lapse in judgment rather than a complete lack of expertise from the specialist.

I could see someone saying that if it were some old lady at a farmer's market or a neighbor you pass in an apartment hallway, but I don't see how you're being anything other than unprofessional here.

I stuck by George Washington during my elementary school years.🤣

My mom used to read to me all the time—usually while she was busy lecturing my aunts at the local library—but she also made sure I understood that being ahead of others didn't make me better than them. Because of that, I never really had any trouble making friends. 😁

Dana Martin87 said:Just look at how that kid is developing... I was listening to U2 back in first grade while my peers were stuck on Taylor Swift. Every single night, I was watching The Daily Mail while everyone else went to bed after cartoons. By fourth grade, I’d already plowed through the Russian classics just for fun, while my classmates were still reading Segrt Hlapic. Don't even get me started on sexual maturity.

As far as early puberty goes, at least those signs were spotted early.
I remember being terrified that someone in class would find out I had my period or armpit hair because kids back then wouldn't have understood—plus, I was already way ahead of them. I actually waited for someone else in class to start their period so I could finally tell the gym teacher I couldn't participate without having to explain myself. It took over two years for that to happen.
Kids are incredibly insecure during puberty, and for me, the hardest part hit during the lower elementary years. It sucked feeling so "advanced" compared to everyone else.

That's why by middle school, I was totally confident, while other girls were losing their minds over a pimple.😁

It’s not exactly dramatic. But honestly, I wish I had started school a little younger. I would have actually fit in with the other kids. In puberty, that stuff matters, damn it.

Are you kidding me or just trolling? 🍿

When it comes to kindergarten enrollment—specifically when considering a deferral or an early start—they don't look at what their (pre)puberty might be like. Instead, they focus on the characteristics (emotional, social, cognitive) the child possesses RIGHT NOW. They look at whether certain traits might hinder school adaptation and academic success, or conversely, help it along.
Decisions are usually made by a team.

From what I understand, deferrals based on physical appearance are most often due to being underweight, which is usually tied to other underlying factors (like an illness or health neglect, etc.).
Growth spurts at that age are so unpredictable that trying to forecast them would be almost impossible, and frankly, pretty silly.

And regarding music choices—if we could delay school based on that, I'd probably delay my own kid indefinitely because the stuff kids listen to these days absolutely terrifies me! 🐔

Watching the news isn't really appropriate for children, and it isn't exactly recommended for adults either if they want to keep their sanity. ☕

Dana Martin87 said:Just look at how that kid is developing... I was listening to U2 back in first grade while my peers were stuck on Taylor Swift. Every single night, I was watching The Daily Mail while everyone else went to bed after cartoons. By fourth grade, I’d already plowed through the Russian classics just for fun, while my classmates were still reading Segrt Hlapic. Don't even get me started on sexual maturity.

As far as early puberty goes, at least those signs were spotted early.
I remember being terrified that someone in class would find out I had my period or armpit hair because kids back then wouldn't have understood—plus, I was already way ahead of them. I actually waited for someone else in class to start their period so I could finally tell the gym teacher I couldn't participate without having to explain myself. It took over two years for that to happen.
Kids are incredibly insecure during puberty, and for me, the hardest part hit during the lower elementary years. It sucked feeling so "advanced" compared to everyone else.

That's why by middle school, I was totally confident, while other girls were losing their minds over a pimple.😁

It’s not exactly dramatic. But honestly, I wish I had started school a little younger. I would have actually fit in with the other kids. In puberty, that stuff matters, damn it.

Sorry, but this is just 🤣

Dana Martin87 said:I had body hair and swollen-looking breasts by the time I was seven. My mom actually took me to the doctor because she thought something was wrong, but it was just my body developing. I got my period at nine, and by twelve, I was fully grown.
So, what, should I have started school a year earlier just to fit in with the pack?
We should focus on things we can actually control. Honestly, I wish my parents had sent me to school at five, because both physically and emotionally, I was way ahead of everyone else.
Waiting until a child is seven and a half to start school—especially if they're showing signs of early puberty—just because someone is afraid they won't handle failure? That's probably the biggest disservice you could do to a kid.
If my daughter keeps developing at this rate, physically and emotionally, I'm looking into enrolling her when she's five and a half. I just don't know if the system even allows it.

And as for 🤦

I had a Similar Discussion recently with a guy who wanted to vent his own frustrations—he was incredibly bright, the kind of kid whose parents should have pushed him into school way earlier, but they weren't ☕—by trying to force his kid into school at age 6.3 just because the kid can read and write. The problem is, the child is so emotionally immature right now that I honestly think they won't be ready for a classroom for at least another three years.

And, btw, based on what you've posted, your little one seems like a perfectly average kid, maybe even a bit spoiled 😉

Hey everyone, I could really use some advice or maybe just an answer regarding delaying school enrollment.
So, like, how many times can you actually "ask" to push back starting school? My kid has some special needs and is currently in preschool. They already have one deferral on the books for this school year, but is it even possible to request another delay for the next school year too?
Thanks for any help you guys can give!

Susan James said:Are you kidding me or just trolling? 🍿

When it comes to kindergarten enrollment—specifically when considering a deferral or an early start—they don't look at what their (pre)puberty might be like. Instead, they focus on the characteristics (emotional, social, cognitive) the child possesses RIGHT NOW. They look at whether certain traits might hinder school adaptation and academic success, or conversely, help it along.
Decisions are usually made by a team.

From what I understand, deferrals based on physical appearance are most often due to being underweight, which is usually tied to other underlying factors (like an illness or health neglect, etc.).
Growth spurts at that age are so unpredictable that trying to forecast them would be almost impossible, and frankly, pretty silly.

And regarding music choices—if we could delay school based on that, I'd probably delay my own kid indefinitely because the stuff kids listen to these days absolutely terrifies me! 🐔

Watching the news isn't really appropriate for children, and it isn't exactly recommended for adults either if they want to keep their sanity. ☕

I agree with this completely.👍
My kid is five, and he should technically start kindergarten at six and eight months. Right now, he's just being a typical, high-energy kid. He can recognize letters, though he hasn't learned to write yet (he picked up some basics from watching cartoons). I am not forcing him to read or write prematurely; there is absolutely no interest on his part, and I believe there is plenty of time. As for starting school, I would gladly delay him, purely because of how the American education system is structured. Our children are overwhelmed with nonsense. Schooling today isn't like it was when we were young, where you actually learned the alphabet. Now, they are expected to already know everything before they even walk through the door, on top of a massive amount of other useless curriculum that burdens them.
We will see what happens once testing begins to determine if he is ready. If the results say he isn't prepared, I won't complain. I certainly won't label him as "behind" if that occurs.

Does anyone know who actually handles the school deferral process?

We’ve been seeing a child psychologist because of some behavioral stuff and issues with eating. Her assessment was that our little one is emotionally behind for a six-year-old. She told us if things don't turn around soon, she’ll recommend we hold off on starting kindergarten for another year.
Even at his preschool, he’s struggling. While the other kids are focused on their lessons, he’s crawling under the table to play... he just has zero interest in writing or drawing.
He just wants to be active! He’s definitely smart, though—his preschool teacher swears by it. He can memorize songs easily and even knows how to add and subtract... but only when he feels like it, obviously.
Is this enough of a reason to delay school? We’re just so worried he won't be able to keep up with all the demands once he actually starts.

I'm not quite at that stage yet; I'm just lurking to get some info.

From what I remember back when I was in school, you absolutely had to know how to read and write. I actually have an old document somewhere from a psychological evaluation during my enrollment where some of the letters were upside down. Just so everyone has context, I'm 39 years old.
Much later on, I heard people claiming you don't even need to know those skills because apparently, kids learn them "incorrectly." Honestly, I don't even get how reading can be done wrong.
Though, if memory serves, the very first things we ever did were just endless lines and circles over and over again.
So, basically, you still need to know how to read and write.

Heh, I don't even watch Univision anymore, so I guess I don't have to go to schoooool! 🎉

The whole thing is confusing me, though—like, what age are kids supposed to start school? I turned 6 in January and then started first grade in September. So, I was 6 years and 8 months old. I was one of the oldest in my class, and there were tons of kids who turned 6 that summer or even in the fall, meaning they basically started at 5. They weren't some kind of child prodigies or anything, so there wasn't any special reason for them to start that early.

Now I'm hearing that everyone starts at 7. Does that mean I started too early? Should I have waited until I was 7 years and 8 months old?
Everything keeps changing. The other day, I read that they might be introducing a 9-year elementary school system here, similar to how they do it in certain parts of Europe.

I think you might have gotten your wires crossed here.😕
I don't recall anyone ever demanding kids be literate BEFORE they even step foot in kindergarten. And I'm only a few years younger than you.

Yeah, she’s got it completely mixed up. Even now, there isn't any official requirement for a child to be able to read or write before starting school.

Anyway, the enrollment cutoff is April 1st.
Kids born before that date go to school; those born after don't.
Unless, of course, parents request an exception.

Dana Martin87 said:Just look at how that kid is developing... I was listening to U2 back in first grade while my peers were stuck on Taylor Swift. Every single night, I was watching The Daily Mail while everyone else went to bed after cartoons. By fourth grade, I’d already plowed through the Russian classics just for fun, while my classmates were still reading Segrt Hlapic. Don't even get me started on sexual maturity.

As far as early puberty goes, at least those signs were spotted early.
I remember being terrified that someone in class would find out I had my period or armpit hair because kids back then wouldn't have understood—plus, I was already way ahead of them. I actually waited for someone else in class to start their period so I could finally tell the gym teacher I couldn't participate without having to explain myself. It took over two years for that to happen.
Kids are incredibly insecure during puberty, and for me, the hardest part hit during the lower elementary years. It sucked feeling so "advanced" compared to everyone else.

That's why by middle school, I was totally confident, while other girls were losing their minds over a pimple.😁

It’s not exactly dramatic. But honestly, I wish I had started school a little younger. I would have actually fit in with the other kids. In puberty, that stuff matters, damn it.

Dana Martin87 said:I had body hair and swollen-looking breasts by the time I was seven. My mom actually took me to the doctor because she thought something was wrong, but it was just my body developing. I got my period at nine, and by twelve, I was fully grown.
So, what, should I have started school a year earlier just to fit in with the pack?
We should focus on things we can actually control. Honestly, I wish my parents had sent me to school at five, because both physically and emotionally, I was way ahead of everyone else.
Waiting until a child is seven and a half to start school—especially if they're showing signs of early puberty—just because someone is afraid they won't handle failure? That's probably the biggest disservice you could do to a kid.
If my daughter keeps developing at this rate, physically and emotionally, I'm looking into enrolling her when she's five and a half. I just don't know if the system even allows it.

Can I ask a question?

How did that help—or hinder—you later in life?

You reminded me of a girl from elementary school who was a bit... well, socially awkward. I always assumed she was just shy, but looking back, I realize she was just more mature. She was pretty average in grade school, but then she really "took off" in high school and college, eventually becoming one of the youngest PhD holders in America.

On the flip side, I was pushed into school early just because of my physical size. Maturity wasn't even a consideration. I ended up having quite a few struggles with major transitions—moving to high school, then college, and so on. Perhaps that was due to being ahead of the curve too soon.

Paul Johnson said:I think you might have gotten your wires crossed here.😕
I don't recall anyone ever demanding kids be literate BEFORE they even step foot in kindergarten. And I'm only a few years younger than you.

Of course it wasn't required! But it was definitely encouraged. My mom always told me most of us already knew at least a few letters by the time we walked into kindergarten. I used to sit there reading the headlines in the newspaper to my dad.

I was already reading and writing by the age of six, which, looking back, felt more like a burden than an advantage. It certainly wasn't a prerequisite for enrollment—not even back in South Dakota, though since that was part of the USA at the time, I suppose school standards were somewhat universal. I vividly remember using a pencil to physically separate syllables just to make sense of the words, until my mother finally intervened and asked the teacher if I could simply read normally instead of constant syllabication. That whole process was an absolute nightmare. Generally speaking, when a child has already mastered material that their peers are still struggling to grasp, the initial stages of school can become quite tedious.
That was back in 1985; things have shifted significantly since then, and most children today enter the classroom with a much broader foundation of knowledge...

Ethan Mitchell4 said:I'm not quite at that stage yet; I'm just lurking to get some info.

From what I remember back when I was in school, you absolutely had to know how to read and write. I actually have an old document somewhere from a psychological evaluation during my enrollment where some of the letters were upside down. Just so everyone has context, I'm 39 years old.
Much later on, I heard people claiming you don't even need to know those skills because apparently, kids learn them "incorrectly." Honestly, I don't even get how reading can be done wrong.
Though, if memory serves, the very first things we ever did were just endless lines and circles over and over again.
So, basically, you still need to know how to read and write.

Heh, I don't even watch Univision anymore, so I guess I don't have to go to schoooool! 🎉

The whole thing is confusing me, though—like, what age are kids supposed to start school? I turned 6 in January and then started first grade in September. So, I was 6 years and 8 months old. I was one of the oldest in my class, and there were tons of kids who turned 6 that summer or even in the fall, meaning they basically started at 5. They weren't some kind of child prodigies or anything, so there wasn't any special reason for them to start that early.

Now I'm hearing that everyone starts at 7. Does that mean I started too early? Should I have waited until I was 7 years and 8 months old?
Everything keeps changing. The other day, I read that they might be introducing a 9-year elementary school system here, similar to how they do it in certain parts of Europe.

It wasn't strictly required, of course, but it was certainly expected. My mother always maintained that most of us had already mastered at least a few letters by the time we stepped into a classroom.

It is quite rare to find a seven-year-old who hasn't scribbled a few recognizable characters, such as an 'A' or an 'M,' though one shouldn't mistake that for actual literacy.
Regardless of whether you were personally proficient in reading and writing, it is highly improbable that it served as a formal requirement for enrollment... though perhaps your specific experience was an outlier. 🤔

rowdypanther12 said:Yeah, she’s got it completely mixed up. Even now, there isn't any official requirement for a child to be able to read or write before starting school.

Anyway, the enrollment cutoff is April 1st.
Kids born before that date go to school; those born after don't.
Unless, of course, parents request an exception.

My experience was much the same... I was born toward the end of April, so I didn't actually start school until I was seven years and four months old. My mother chose not to petition for early enrollment because she wanted me to have one more year of being a kid without any pressures. I already knew how to read and write—I picked it up in preschool out of pure curiosity—so I found the beginning of elementary school a bit tedious while the rest of my classmates were still catching up. I don't recall literacy ever being a prerequisite for entry; after all, the whole point of school is to learn those skills. That said, I had a colleague from college who started at five years and eleven months, and another at six years and three months. Both sets of parents filed for early admission, though I must admit I'm still somewhat baffled by how the former managed to get approved at such a young age.🤷