Is having five kids actually worth it?

Angela Newman33 said:aha, and how many times a day were you doing dishes, cooking, or running laundry?

I mean, I did more than anyone else just because I was the youngest.

So, you want to play the martyr? You want to "help" or make the world a better place? Fine. Then go adopt a kid from an American foster home instead of having your own. What have you actually contributed to this planet by bringing a new life into it? If I ever decide to become a parent, I’m going straight to adoption. Where’s my guarantee that my DNA is somehow superior to some kid sitting in a group home right now? For all I know, my grandfather could have been a total psycho or a predator. Who's to say? Are my genes perfect? Please. Yours aren't either. You won't do anything special for society or yourself just by cranking out five more kids. Sorry. (Look, if I offended anyone, that's just my honest opinion 🙂)

Angela Newman33 said:Well, since you're a guy, you won't exactly be dealing with milk production—so no middle-of-the-night nursing sessions for you.
And honestly, no matter how much of an optimist you think you are, your body isn't going through the physical exhaustion of pregnancy. You'll just be standing there watching from the sidelines while your better half goes through the whole ordeal.

In this modern day and age, they're already shoving baby bottles into infants after like ten days, and then you've got these dads jumping for joy like it's nothing.🙂

Andrew Watson59 said:So, you want to play the martyr? You want to "help" or make the world a better place? Fine. Then go adopt a kid from an American foster home instead of having your own. What have you actually contributed to this planet by bringing a new life into it? If I ever decide to become a parent, I’m going straight to adoption. Where’s my guarantee that my DNA is somehow superior to some kid sitting in a group home right now? For all I know, my grandfather could have been a total psycho or a predator. Who's to say? Are my genes perfect? Please. Yours aren't either. You won't do anything special for society or yourself just by cranking out five more kids. Sorry. (Look, if I offended anyone, that's just my honest opinion 🙂)

We wanted to. From Haiti.
But the law won't let us.

I’m telling you, you’re totally romanticizing the whole thing—you honestly have no clue what this looks like from a woman’s perspective.

I was watching this documentary about moms with big families lately,

and man, these women are just completely spent. They’re running on maybe a few hours of sleep, totally drained and chronically exhausted.
They're basically pushed to the absolute limit, both physically and mentally.
They can't even afford to have a breakdown because if they do, the entire household just collapses... plus, they know they've got years of this ahead of them until the kids are finally grown.

But nobody ever talks about it. It’s like a total taboo.

Richard Richardson68 said:In this modern day and age, they're already shoving baby bottles into infants after like ten days, and then you've got these dads jumping for joy like it's nothing.🙂

Honestly, there's such a massive outcry and smear campaign against formula lately... it's like women who don't breastfeed are immediately branded as "bad moms" or just total failures.

If you look at some of the attacks on women who don't nurse over on the parenting forums,
it's basically turned into a political issue at this point.

I even heard someone suggest they should pull formula off the shelves at Target and make it prescription-only through pharmacies.

Angela Newman33 said:I’m telling you, you’re totally romanticizing the whole thing—you honestly have no clue what this looks like from a woman’s perspective.

I was watching this documentary about moms with big families lately,

and man, these women are just completely spent. They’re running on maybe a few hours of sleep, totally drained and chronically exhausted.
They're basically pushed to the absolute limit, both physically and mentally.
They can't even afford to have a breakdown because if they do, the entire household just collapses... plus, they know they've got years of this ahead of them until the kids are finally grown.

But nobody ever talks about it. It’s like a total taboo.

👍
Back in the day, having five kids was one thing when most people lived in tight-knit communities where there were always at least three or four other women around to help with the house and the kids while the men did the heavy lifting. I mean, wealthy families always had nannies, obviously. But now? Now it's standard for couples to live on their own, and usually, both partners are working at least eight hours a day. It's not even the same thing—it's basically an impossible mission.

Andrew Watson59 said:So, you want to play the martyr? You want to "help" or make the world a better place? Fine. Then go adopt a kid from an American foster home instead of having your own. What have you actually contributed to this planet by bringing a new life into it? If I ever decide to become a parent, I’m going straight to adoption. Where’s my guarantee that my DNA is somehow superior to some kid sitting in a group home right now? For all I know, my grandfather could have been a total psycho or a predator. Who's to say? Are my genes perfect? Please. Yours aren't either. You won't do anything special for society or yourself just by cranking out five more kids. Sorry. (Look, if I offended anyone, that's just my honest opinion 🙂)

The whole urge to have kids is just instinct, I guess. Without it, we wouldn't even be here.
Plus, the number of people looking to adopt is like ten times higher than the actual number of kids available for adoption.

Angela Newman33 said:I’m telling you, you’re totally romanticizing the whole thing—you honestly have no clue what this looks like from a woman’s perspective.

I was watching this documentary about moms with big families lately,

and man, these women are just completely spent. They’re running on maybe a few hours of sleep, totally drained and chronically exhausted.
They're basically pushed to the absolute limit, both physically and mentally.
They can't even afford to have a breakdown because if they do, the entire household just collapses... plus, they know they've got years of this ahead of them until the kids are finally grown.

But nobody ever talks about it. It’s like a total taboo.

Exactly. Spot on.
A total taboo.

It's like it's shameful to admit you're at your wits' end... but seriously, if you have five little kids running around, where else are you going to be? On the edge.
Then there's the housework, which—let's be real—usually goes unappreciated. Most husbands don't even notice (and hey, I'm not generalizing! But in America, that mindset is pretty much everywhere... everything falls on the woman. Whether she works or not, the cleaning and childcare is "her job." It's rare to find someone who pushes back against that expectation.)

But yeah.
"My wife... man, she's a superhero. She had five kids. She's up at 4 AM and working until midnight, then stays up until 3 AM just to get some ironing done. She's an amazing woman. Every day, dinner is ready when I get home, and everyone is happy and satisfied."
And of course... nobody ever asks the wife if *she* is happy, or if she wants a second to herself.

What really depresses me about all this, though, is how women tear each other down.
Usually, it's the ones who fall into that trap—spending all their energy on pointless cleaning and ironing while their husbands relax after a long day at the office...
Those same women will turn around and mock the mom who actually takes care of herself. If she shows up looking decent or wearing a bit of makeup, they immediately label her as "easy" or a "bad mother."

It's disgusting.

The smarter move is to shave your legs instead of ironing your husband's shirts.
Maybe I'll iron a few tomorrow.
Probably not.

I honestly think it’s better to space kids out more.
By the time I was actually born, my two oldest siblings had already moved out of the house for work or college.
I know it was brutal on my mom. Just... really hard.
Mostly because Dad wasn't exactly stepping up to help her out with everything.
So, I try really hard to be different from him.

Besides the fact that Mom basically gave up on one of my siblings, I wouldn't even be here 😉.
I'm seriously grateful to her for that.
And word is, I ended up being the one who helped her out the most later on.

Five pieces is just way too many for today's world☕

Anything over two or three... honestly, it feels like a heavy cross to bear, not exactly living life☕

☕☕☕

Coffee! Give me coffee!1!11

Karen Rodriguez3 said:👍
Back in the day, having five kids was one thing when most people lived in tight-knit communities where there were always at least three or four other women around to help with the house and the kids while the men did the heavy lifting. I mean, wealthy families always had nannies, obviously. But now? Now it's standard for couples to live on their own, and usually, both partners are working at least eight hours a day. It's not even the same thing—it's basically an impossible mission.

Plus, I feel like as we've raised the bar on parenting—thanks to everyone actually realizing how much early childhood shapes your entire life—we've started prioritizing quality over quantity.

It's honestly better to have one or two kids who get your full attention rather than a whole pack where everyone just gets the leftovers.

And we all know the deal with massive families—kids pretty much end up raising themselves... or just raising each other, anyway, because parents simply don't have the bandwidth or the energy to give every single kid the individual focus they really need.

Angela Newman33 said:Honestly, there's such a massive outcry and smear campaign against formula lately... it's like women who don't breastfeed are immediately branded as "bad moms" or just total failures.

If you look at some of the attacks on women who don't nurse over on the parenting forums,
it's basically turned into a political issue at this point.

I even heard someone suggest they should pull formula off the shelves at Target and make it prescription-only through pharmacies.

Look, I get all that, but if a woman stops producing milk because she’s stressed out or traumatized by those same "experts"—you know, the doctors and nurses who were hovering over her right after delivery—then I honestly couldn't care less what they think. Maybe I don't, but I really don't.

I mean, there’s really no point in me sitting here preaching about the struggles of multiple pregnancies or having a massive family... let the women who have actually lived through it

All I've got is secondhand info.

Angela Newman33 said:Plus, I feel like as we've raised the bar on parenting—thanks to everyone actually realizing how much early childhood shapes your entire life—we've started prioritizing quality over quantity.

It's honestly better to have one or two kids who get your full attention rather than a whole pack where everyone just gets the leftovers.

And we all know the deal with massive families—kids pretty much end up raising themselves... or just raising each other, anyway, because parents simply don't have the bandwidth or the energy to give every single kid the individual focus they really need.

Or put it this way: you're better off having one or two standout examples rather than five mediocre ones (and I mean mediocre in terms of resources and gear, obviously, not necessarily their manners or brains...).

Of course there are women out there whose dream is to have a huge family—and hey, good for them if they're working toward that

I’m not saying it doesn't happen, but trying to push it as this "ideal" standard for everyone? It’s just plain ridiculous

People can find fulfillment in so many different ways and through all sorts of paths. Forcing one specific lifestyle on everyone as the only "right" way to live is honestly pretty laughable

Richard Richardson68 said:A mom with five kids doesn't have time to just sit around idling on some forum.😁

Like I said, though... man, I’d really love to hear it too. Just... if it ever happens.

Richard Richardson68 said:Or put it this way: you're better off having one or two standout examples rather than five mediocre ones (and I mean mediocre in terms of resources and gear, obviously, not necessarily their manners or brains...).

honestly, I have no idea where you're getting that from

that's not even what I'm talking about

Richard Richardson68 said:Like I said, though... man, I’d really love to hear it too. Just... if it ever happens.

while guys with five kids under their belts have nothing better to do than hang out on this forum
since we all know most people are just scrolling through this stuff on their lunch break at work

Richard Richardson68 said:Or put it this way: you're better off having one or two standout examples rather than five mediocre ones (and I mean mediocre in terms of resources and gear, obviously, not necessarily their manners or brains...).

Nah, it’s not really about the equipment.
Just try checking the homework for three kids every single day (assuming two of them are somewhat independent) without stepping in to help or explain things if they get stuck. You're looking at at least half an hour per kid. Plus, one is on the morning shift and two are on the afternoon shift, so you don't even see them until around 8 PM.