How not to screw up your kids: Parenting tips & tricks

electricdriver93 said:I wouldn't go so far as to say my parents were bad, though I'll admit they didn't exactly succeed in raising a flawless, perfectly functional brood. 😁

Furthermore, I believe we see it far too often these days—and please, let’s be clear, I am not referring to cases of actual parental abuse—but adult children simply taking advantage of their elderly parents. Honestly, if I hadn't been taken for a ride myself, where would I be today?
Even if they are—and let’s be honest, they almost certainly are, because every parent eventually messes up somewhere along the line—I don't think it's something we should hold against them. In my humble opinion, why on earth should parents be expected to be perfect? Nobody is. So why demand that they be?

I’m with you on this one. There has to be a line where parental responsibility for our lives ends and our own personal accountability begins.

wirednomad42 said:Quincy:

I don't even know where to start with this—just total nonsense. Honestly, I’m exhausted just reading it. (No content provided to rewrite.) wirednomad42, please—just take my sincere apologies if I offended you.

Sounds terrible—and I'm definitely feeling it. 😳
Just apologize tomorrow—it’s not like anyone’s actually listening anyway. 🙂 😁
Quincy:

I guess I'm just here to watch the circus—honestly, it’s getting exhausting. kaže: So he watches over him, only to hand him off to someone else to deal with later? Great plan—really top-tier logic there. 😁

😁

electricdriver93 actually has a point—for once. 👍
Parenting—what a joke.
If you aren't actually raising them—then you're just a parent who doesn't give a damn.
If you're raising kids—you’re always pushing too hard—it’s just how it goes.
No matter how you slice it—you just didn't nail this one.

I just want to be a decent parent—you know, give them everything they actually need without overdoing it and turning them into spoiled brats. And if I mess up—because let’s face it, I will—I just want to make sure it isn't some life-altering catastrophe that nukes their self-esteem. Is that really too much to ask? 🤷
Look, maybe I'm just having a midlife identity crisis—who knows? Just tell me... how do you guys handle it? Raising them up... yeah, good luck with that. My own kids!

From where I'm sitting...

I think I'll be most successful if one day, when they're grown, they come knocking on my door and tell me off because I didn't do this or that... but without all the heavy drama or constant finger-pointing... just saying... "look, you weren't quite there..." while still acknowledging that despite my flaws, I helped shape who they are today.

The second they actually have the guts to "question" my authority or my choices, that's my signal that I did something right... that I taught them how to think for themselves and stand their ground.

Maybe I’m just a total control freak—honestly, I hate leaving anything to chance. I feel responsible for everything from what my daughter eats today to what she wears tomorrow, but it goes deeper than that; I feel accountable for her happiness and her health, too. It’s my job to guide her toward whatever path she chooses—sports, hobbies, you name it—and to make sure she stays active, eats right, and keeps a positive mindset. Plus, I feel this massive pressure to leave her some real estate in her inheritance. Am I overthinking this?
And look, if she ends up unhappy, what am I supposed to blame? Some random outside factors that happened regardless of my efforts? Shouldn't I have kept all that under wraps? I mean, she didn't exactly ask to be born into this mess 🤷
If I can't hand her a perfect head start in life, was I even supposed to bring her here in the first place? 😕

Take my parents, for example—they think their duty is basically just feeding us (whatever that looks like, really 🙄), dressing us, and getting us through high school. After that, they say their responsibility to us is done. I just don't get it 🤷—what's the point then? Why have us at all?
I remember Legion had a thread once about why people even have kids. Personally, I don't know why I wanted one; I guess it's just some primal, biological, chemical urge. But we actually have brains, dammit—(and we can always just use protection 😉)—so we can actually stop and think about the whole concept: what are we going to do with these kids, what can we actually provide, and do we even have the time, the willpower, the health, or the cash to pull it off? I can't stomach the idea of just having kids "just because." Everything needs a reason 😁

I mean, think about it—we bring them into the world, then we struggle with breastfeeding, we spend a year totally isolated from society, and suddenly there's no money left for dinners out, clothes, or even a salon trip. We end up killing ourselves working jobs we hate just to pay off mortgages and stuff like that 🙄
And all of that trickles down to the kids. They grow up and become adults, carrying all this frustration and various traumas or shortcomings. Then they have kids of their own. And the cycle repeats. Where does it all lead? Is that getting too deep for a Tuesday? ☕

So... am I making any sense now? 😍

Morgan Cooper34 said:I’m with you on this one. There has to be a line where parental responsibility for our lives ends and our own personal accountability begins.

👍
So, maybe right around the start of puberty? 🤔

Jason Harris5 said:From where I'm sitting...

I think I'll be most successful if one day, when they're grown, they come knocking on my door and tell me off because I didn't do this or that... but without all the heavy drama or constant finger-pointing... just saying... "look, you weren't quite there..." while still acknowledging that despite my flaws, I helped shape who they are today.

The second they actually have the guts to "question" my authority or my choices, that's my signal that I did something right... that I taught them how to think for themselves and stand their ground.

cool 👍

wirednomad42 said:Quincy:

I don't even know where to start with this—just total nonsense. Honestly, I’m exhausted just reading it. (No content provided to rewrite.) wirednomad42, please—just take my sincere apologies if I offended you.

Sounds terrible—and I'm definitely feeling it. 😳
Just apologize tomorrow—it’s not like anyone’s actually listening anyway. 🙂 😁
Quincy:

I guess I'm just here to watch the circus—honestly, it’s getting exhausting. kaže: So he watches over him, only to hand him off to someone else to deal with later? Great plan—really top-tier logic there. 😁

😁

electricdriver93 actually has a point—for once. 👍
Parenting—what a joke.
If you aren't actually raising them—then you're just a parent who doesn't give a damn.
If you're raising kids—you’re always pushing too hard—it’s just how it goes.
No matter how you slice it—you just didn't nail this one.

I just want to be a decent parent—you know, give them everything they actually need without overdoing it and turning them into spoiled brats. And if I mess up—because let’s face it, I will—I just want to make sure it isn't some life-altering catastrophe that nukes their self-esteem. Is that really too much to ask? 🤷
Look, maybe I'm just having a midlife identity crisis—who knows? Just tell me... how do you guys handle it? Raising them up... yeah, good luck with that. My own kids!

Aha, it's difficult. Actually, it isn't, provided you don't overthink it too much. Overthinking is a far more reliable path to failure than being too hands-off.

I want to be a good parent.

Of course you do.🙂

I want to give them exactly what they need—not a single ounce more.

Look, forget it. That scale doesn't exist. Accept that reality as soon as possible.

And if I do screw up somewhere, I want to make sure it isn't fatal and that it doesn't shatter their self-esteem. Is that asking too much? 🤷

It isn't asking too much; it's just the reality of the situation. Providing a sense of self-worth—the fundamental awareness that the child is a valuable individual who is loved—is perhaps the greatest gift a parent can offer, alongside fostering empathy for others.

wirednomad42 said:Maybe I’m just a total control freak—honestly, I hate leaving anything to chance. I feel responsible for everything from what my daughter eats today to what she wears tomorrow, but it goes deeper than that; I feel accountable for her happiness and her health, too. It’s my job to guide her toward whatever path she chooses—sports, hobbies, you name it—and to make sure she stays active, eats right, and keeps a positive mindset. Plus, I feel this massive pressure to leave her some real estate in her inheritance. Am I overthinking this?
And look, if she ends up unhappy, what am I supposed to blame? Some random outside factors that happened regardless of my efforts? Shouldn't I have kept all that under wraps? I mean, she didn't exactly ask to be born into this mess 🤷
If I can't hand her a perfect head start in life, was I even supposed to bring her here in the first place? 😕

Take my parents, for example—they think their duty is basically just feeding us (whatever that looks like, really 🙄), dressing us, and getting us through high school. After that, they say their responsibility to us is done. I just don't get it 🤷—what's the point then? Why have us at all?
I remember Legion had a thread once about why people even have kids. Personally, I don't know why I wanted one; I guess it's just some primal, biological, chemical urge. But we actually have brains, dammit—(and we can always just use protection 😉)—so we can actually stop and think about the whole concept: what are we going to do with these kids, what can we actually provide, and do we even have the time, the willpower, the health, or the cash to pull it off? I can't stomach the idea of just having kids "just because." Everything needs a reason 😁

I mean, think about it—we bring them into the world, then we struggle with breastfeeding, we spend a year totally isolated from society, and suddenly there's no money left for dinners out, clothes, or even a salon trip. We end up killing ourselves working jobs we hate just to pay off mortgages and stuff like that 🙄
And all of that trickles down to the kids. They grow up and become adults, carrying all this frustration and various traumas or shortcomings. Then they have kids of their own. And the cycle repeats. Where does it all lead? Is that getting too deep for a Tuesday? ☕

So... am I making any sense now? 😍

You are overdoing it.

And what will I blame myself for if she isn't happy? Some external factors beyond my influence? Am I not obligated to have all of that under my control? After all, she didn't ask to be born. 🤷
If I can't provide her with the perfect head start, was I even supposed to have her at all? 😕

You are going way too far. Total control, a "perfect start"? That doesn't exist.

My parents, for instance, believe their duty is to feed their children (with whatever is available, essentially 🙄), clothe them, and ensure they finish high school. Beyond that, they say their obligation ends. I don't understand that 🤷—what is the point then? Why have us at all?

Well, look, that's reasonable. It wouldn't be a bad thing to support them through college if they have the drive and the aptitude, but parents aren't monsters if they simply can't afford it.

Legion had a thread somewhere about why people have children. Personally, I don't know why I wanted them; I suspect it's just an instinctive, biological, or chemical urge in humans. But we also have brains, damn it, (and we can always practice safe sex 😉), so we can actually think about the idea of having kids—what will we do with them, what can we provide, and do we truly have enough time, energy, health, or money for them in the long run? I can't reconcile with the idea that just having kids for no reason is sufficient. There should be a purpose for everything. 😁

I have children for no reason at all. 🤷 And I have no issue with that.

I mean, look at it this way—we bring children into this world only to struggle through the exhaustion of breastfeeding, trapped in social isolation for that first year. We lose our financial freedom and the ability to just go out, buy clothes, or visit a salon. Instead, we grind away at jobs we despise just to service the debt, and all of 🙄
all of this takes a toll on the children. They grow up to become adults shaped by these frustrations, carrying various traumas and deficits into their own lives. Then they have children of their own, and the cycle repeats. Where does it actually end? Or am I getting too philosophical here? ☕

What do I know. I suppose that's just what they call life.

wirednomad42 said:Maybe I’m just a total control freak—honestly, I hate leaving anything to chance. I feel responsible for everything from what my daughter eats today to what she wears tomorrow, but it goes deeper than that; I feel accountable for her happiness and her health, too. It’s my job to guide her toward whatever path she chooses—sports, hobbies, you name it—and to make sure she stays active, eats right, and keeps a positive mindset. Plus, I feel this massive pressure to leave her some real estate in her inheritance. Am I overthinking this?
And look, if she ends up unhappy, what am I supposed to blame? Some random outside factors that happened regardless of my efforts? Shouldn't I have kept all that under wraps? I mean, she didn't exactly ask to be born into this mess 🤷
If I can't hand her a perfect head start in life, was I even supposed to bring her here in the first place? 😕

Take my parents, for example—they think their duty is basically just feeding us (whatever that looks like, really 🙄), dressing us, and getting us through high school. After that, they say their responsibility to us is done. I just don't get it 🤷—what's the point then? Why have us at all?
I remember Legion had a thread once about why people even have kids. Personally, I don't know why I wanted one; I guess it's just some primal, biological, chemical urge. But we actually have brains, dammit—(and we can always just use protection 😉)—so we can actually stop and think about the whole concept: what are we going to do with these kids, what can we actually provide, and do we even have the time, the willpower, the health, or the cash to pull it off? I can't stomach the idea of just having kids "just because." Everything needs a reason 😁

I mean, think about it—we bring them into the world, then we struggle with breastfeeding, we spend a year totally isolated from society, and suddenly there's no money left for dinners out, clothes, or even a salon trip. We end up killing ourselves working jobs we hate just to pay off mortgages and stuff like that 🙄
And all of that trickles down to the kids. They grow up and become adults, carrying all this frustration and various traumas or shortcomings. Then they have kids of their own. And the cycle repeats. Where does it all lead? Is that getting too deep for a Tuesday? ☕

So... am I making any sense now? 😍

And what happens if she decides she’s just not into sports, even though you were really hoping she'd take up something like basketball?😁

hollowtrucker77 said:wirednomad42, let me put this in perspective—it’s not up to your parents to build you a factory and hand you the manager title on a silver platter... their job is just to give you the tools and actually teach you how to use them.
Instead of hovering over kids like a helicopter parent 24/7—which is just exhausting—it’s way better to let them mess up once in a while. They need responsibilities, some actual skin in the game, and enough breathing room to actually think for themselves.
Too much hovering and micromanaging just breeds helplessness—not to mention a total lack of confidence. It usually ends in one of two ways: pure rebellion or that "dog off the leash" effect—where someone just charges blindly into disaster without a single thought for the consequences.

It's not like I suggested building her some massive factory—or offered to hand her the keys to the CEO office—or anything. 🙂
I knew I’d worded that poorly—and honestly, I totally saw this coming from you. 😠 )
I’m thinking the exact same thing—but I can't help wondering who actually takes the fall if that kid doesn't end up as some big-shot executive you're talking about. Is it on the parents to mold them, or should they just set the boundaries and let the kid figure out their own life within that space?
When I say "basics," I mean the essentials—housing, food, clothes, and school supplies. That’s it.

Look, I can just let the kid loose in the backyard to play while I catch up on some reading in the other room. Just toss her out there with a bucket and a shovel—let her figure out the fun on her own.
Or, I could actually go out there and show her the ropes—teach her how to build stuff in the sand or what kind of treasures we can stash in that bucket.
Once I’m done reading, I could just rinse off some canned beans for a quick lunch. Or, if I'm feeling ambitious, I could whip up a proper beef and veggie stew. 🤷
Am I not obligated to give it my all?

wirednomad42 said:It's not like I suggested building her some massive factory—or offered to hand her the keys to the CEO office—or anything. 🙂
I knew I’d worded that poorly—and honestly, I totally saw this coming from you. 😠 )
I’m thinking the exact same thing—but I can't help wondering who actually takes the fall if that kid doesn't end up as some big-shot executive you're talking about. Is it on the parents to mold them, or should they just set the boundaries and let the kid figure out their own life within that space?
When I say "basics," I mean the essentials—housing, food, clothes, and school supplies. That’s it.

Either I came off completely wrong, or you just didn't quite catch my drift.
🙂
In your last post, you were obsessing over every single tiny detail of a child's life, and honestly, it just sounded a bit much.
Parents who act like that treat their kids like remote-controlled toys, using them as a way to live out their own unfulfilled lives through proxy.
If you go down that road, the kid won't just fail to become a manager; they'll struggle to function as anything more than a barista or a delivery driver.
(and I'm talking about raw capability here, not just career titles)
So, no, you aren't going to "develop" the child.
What you do is provide the framework, offer encouragement, give them praise, and occasionally give them a little nudge when needed.
You have to accept that everyone has their own natural inclinations and limitations, and your job is simply to help them reach their own ceiling so they can grow into a self-aware, responsible adult.

Am I making more sense now?

wirednomad42 said:Look, I can just let the kid loose in the backyard to play while I catch up on some reading in the other room. Just toss her out there with a bucket and a shovel—let her figure out the fun on her own.
Or, I could actually go out there and show her the ropes—teach her how to build stuff in the sand or what kind of treasures we can stash in that bucket.
Once I’m done reading, I could just rinse off some canned beans for a quick lunch. Or, if I'm feeling ambitious, I could whip up a proper beef and veggie stew. 🤷
Am I not obligated to give it my all?

Giving a kid the space to play and exercise their imagination is obviously a good thing.

But leaving a child completely unsupervised is straight-up neglect.

As for food, you should be serving everything from hearty stews to beans—whatever keeps them healthy and gives them a decent variety of flavors and textures to get used to.

🙂

Obligated??
That really depends on how someone defines that word.
For one person, it’s a genuine desire; for another, it’s just a chore they're too lazy to do.
If it's something you actually want to do, it doesn't feel like work, and you'll actually find joy in it.

wirednomad42 said:Look, I can just let the kid loose in the backyard to play while I catch up on some reading in the other room. Just toss her out there with a bucket and a shovel—let her figure out the fun on her own.
Or, I could actually go out there and show her the ropes—teach her how to build stuff in the sand or what kind of treasures we can stash in that bucket.
Once I’m done reading, I could just rinse off some canned beans for a quick lunch. Or, if I'm feeling ambitious, I could whip up a proper beef and veggie stew. 🤷
Am I not obligated to give it my all?

Everything mentioned here is perfectly fine—the first option, the second, or the third. But it shouldn't be limited to just one approach. Though, if I were choosing, I’d probably be reading my book out in the yard myself, just to be safe.🙂

Once I've finished my chapter, I could just rinse some canned beans and serve those for lunch. Or, I could put in the effort to cook a proper soup with meat and vegetables. 🤷
Am I not obligated to give it my all?

It's the same sentiment as the first response. Generally, you'll cook something nutritious and decent. Occasionally you won't, simply because you forgot to pick up meat at the grocery store, you're short on time, or you'd rather finish your book. 😉

Then you have that moment where your kid looks at you and says, "Forget the sandbox and the plastic shovel," because suddenly they’re obsessed with learning the guitar—something totally random. Or maybe you’ve built this successful company, and while the kid actually has the chops to run the whole show, they couldn't care less about the bottom line. They just want to head off to art school instead.

I once knew this guy whose dad was a high-powered attorney. Naturally, the son was expected to follow in those footsteps and grind through law school. Then one day, he just hit his breaking point, dropped everything, and decided to become a sanitation worker. It wasn't even that he couldn't find better work; he just did it purely to spite his old man. I don't know all the specifics, unfortunately.

Or take my friend. She finished her degree in musicology and got her Master’s in instrumental studies, but she doesn't push it on anyone. Yet, her three-year-old is already enrolled in weekly violin lessons. Who knows? Maybe the kid will end up wanting to be an architect one day. 🤷

hollowtrucker77 said:Either I came off completely wrong, or you just didn't quite catch my drift.
🙂
In your last post, you were obsessing over every single tiny detail of a child's life, and honestly, it just sounded a bit much.
Parents who act like that treat their kids like remote-controlled toys, using them as a way to live out their own unfulfilled lives through proxy.
If you go down that road, the kid won't just fail to become a manager; they'll struggle to function as anything more than a barista or a delivery driver.
(and I'm talking about raw capability here, not just career titles)
So, no, you aren't going to "develop" the child.
What you do is provide the framework, offer encouragement, give them praise, and occasionally give them a little nudge when needed.
You have to accept that everyone has their own natural inclinations and limitations, and your job is simply to help them reach their own ceiling so they can grow into a self-aware, responsible adult.

Am I making more sense now?

so my question is—am I actually obligated to help my kid reach their full potential and become a functional, responsible adult?
(thanks for the input, 😁 )

hollowtrucker77 said:Giving a kid the space to play and exercise their imagination is obviously a good thing.

But leaving a child completely unsupervised is straight-up neglect.

As for food, you should be serving everything from hearty stews to beans—whatever keeps them healthy and gives them a decent variety of flavors and textures to get used to.

🙂

Obligated??
That really depends on how someone defines that word.
For one person, it’s a genuine desire; for another, it’s just a chore they're too lazy to do.
If it's something you actually want to do, it doesn't feel like work, and you'll actually find joy in it.

of course you are. but if you don't have the heart for it—if it feels like a total drag—then why on earth did you have a kid in the first place? 😕
either you've got "bad" parents who stifle everything, or they just don't give enough attention. personally, I've dealt with the latter, so that's really what I'm getting at—if having a kid feels more like a burden than a joy, what's the point? 😕
and fine, sure, vent once in a while. whatever. but I know so many people living with their in-laws, renting apartments, having zero patience or energy for kids, yet somehow they go out and have two more. 😕
I don't get it. 🤷

hiddenmarlin14 said:Then you have that moment where your kid looks at you and says, "Forget the sandbox and the plastic shovel," because suddenly they’re obsessed with learning the guitar—something totally random. Or maybe you’ve built this successful company, and while the kid actually has the chops to run the whole show, they couldn't care less about the bottom line. They just want to head off to art school instead.

I once knew this guy whose dad was a high-powered attorney. Naturally, the son was expected to follow in those footsteps and grind through law school. Then one day, he just hit his breaking point, dropped everything, and decided to become a sanitation worker. It wasn't even that he couldn't find better work; he just did it purely to spite his old man. I don't know all the specifics, unfortunately.

Or take my friend. She finished her degree in musicology and got her Master’s in instrumental studies, but she doesn't push it on anyone. Yet, her three-year-old is already enrolled in weekly violin lessons. Who knows? Maybe the kid will end up wanting to be an architect one day. 🤷

no, it's not about being a manager. 😉

hiddenmarlin14 said:Then you have that moment where your kid looks at you and says, "Forget the sandbox and the plastic shovel," because suddenly they’re obsessed with learning the guitar—something totally random. Or maybe you’ve built this successful company, and while the kid actually has the chops to run the whole show, they couldn't care less about the bottom line. They just want to head off to art school instead.

I once knew this guy whose dad was a high-powered attorney. Naturally, the son was expected to follow in those footsteps and grind through law school. Then one day, he just hit his breaking point, dropped everything, and decided to become a sanitation worker. It wasn't even that he couldn't find better work; he just did it purely to spite his old man. I don't know all the specifics, unfortunately.

Or take my friend. She finished her degree in musicology and got her Master’s in instrumental studies, but she doesn't push it on anyone. Yet, her three-year-old is already enrolled in weekly violin lessons. Who knows? Maybe the kid will end up wanting to be an architect one day. 🤷

Those aren't really the same thing. The kid could still end up being an architect even if he learns violin. We'll just have to wait and see if she tries to force him into whatever mold she's already built for him.

That first story happens way too often, and honestly, it's pretty messed up. I don't get why parents would be so intentional about making their kids miserable. When I talk to people who dropped out during their senior year of college, that's usually the underlying issue: parents forcing a path they didn't want. You end up meeting forty-somethings who are still fighting their parents instead of having dealt with it back in high school.😢

Sometimes you just have to pick the lesser of two evils. 🤷
Look, a teenager probably hasn't a clue what they want before heading off to college—so parents just push them into *anything* just to get them enrolled and out of high school. Let's be real here—how many people actually take a gap year and then come back to actually finish a degree?
To me, it feels better to force a direction than to just throw up your hands and give up entirely 🤷
I mean, if they enroll in something, they can always switch majors later—or decide to become a garbage man—but at least the kid got a shot. They were encouraged. Someone cared.
Or am I totally off base? 😁

Jerry Martinez5 said:Those aren't really the same thing. The kid could still end up being an architect even if he learns violin. We'll just have to wait and see if she tries to force him into whatever mold she's already built for him.

That first story happens way too often, and honestly, it's pretty messed up. I don't get why parents would be so intentional about making their kids miserable. When I talk to people who dropped out during their senior year of college, that's usually the underlying issue: parents forcing a path they didn't want. You end up meeting forty-somethings who are still fighting their parents instead of having dealt with it back in high school.😢

It seems to me that you need to be raised in such a way—though I'm not sure how one actually achieves that😳—that when they GENTLY SUGGEST a specific major, you already possess enough self-awareness to say firmly: "No thanks, I'm going into architecture. That's what I want."
And then they just shrug grumpily and leave it at that.🤷

wirednomad42 said:so my question is—am I actually obligated to help my kid reach their full potential and become a functional, responsible adult?
(thanks for the input, 😁 )

of course you are. but if you don't have the heart for it—if it feels like a total drag—then why on earth did you have a kid in the first place? 😕
either you've got "bad" parents who stifle everything, or they just don't give enough attention. personally, I've dealt with the latter, so that's really what I'm getting at—if having a kid feels more like a burden than a joy, what's the point? 😕
and fine, sure, vent once in a while. whatever. but I know so many people living with their in-laws, renting apartments, having zero patience or energy for kids, yet somehow they go out and have two more. 😕
I don't get it. 🤷

no, it's not about being a manager. 😉

What do you mean by "obligated"? (helping them reach their peak potential) I guess you're only as obligated as you are aware of what they can actually do and how much opportunity you can provide. I don't really think every parent is "obligated" to make that happen. Honestly, that kind of support is mostly reserved for wealthy, well-educated parents; once they hit their limit, they just pay for private tutors or extra coaching.

Or are you assuming the kid's talent will stay within the limits of your own abilities? 😁

A kid isn't a carbon copy of you. They’ll probably outpace you at some point, maybe even before they finish elementary school. Once that happens, you won't be able to help them "reach their potential" anymore. And if you're living in some small rural town while the kid has massive ambitions... well, things get complicated.

electricdriver93 said:It seems to me that you need to be raised in such a way—though I'm not sure how one actually achieves that😳—that when they GENTLY SUGGEST a specific major, you already possess enough self-awareness to say firmly: "No thanks, I'm going into architecture. That's what I want."
And then they just shrug grumpily and leave it at that.🤷

Look: I don't know anyone who complains about their parents. But honestly, thank God neither my folks, nor any of my friends' parents, were crazy enough to try and dictate our college majors. I actually asked my parents once why they never pushed me toward anything specific. Their answer? It's too big of a life decision, and they didn't want me blaming them if things went south.

Yet, I know several people whose parents basically forced them into degrees they hated. And none of those people ever actually graduated.

And why on earth would someone shrug at architecture? It's a prestigious, high-impact field. It's definitely the most useful path if it's the one you chose yourself, because you actually have an interest in it. Especially nowadays, with how fast jobs change, you really need to study something you care about. You have to keep the joy of learning alive, since you'll probably be learning new things until you retire.

wirednomad42 said:Sometimes you just have to pick the lesser of two evils. 🤷
Look, a teenager probably hasn't a clue what they want before heading off to college—so parents just push them into *anything* just to get them enrolled and out of high school. Let's be real here—how many people actually take a gap year and then come back to actually finish a degree?
To me, it feels better to force a direction than to just throw up your hands and give up entirely 🤷
I mean, if they enroll in something, they can always switch majors later—or decide to become a garbage man—but at least the kid got a shot. They were encouraged. Someone cared.
Or am I totally off base? 😁

Yeah.

It’s usually the same cycle—type in some random nonsense so you can switch tasks, then try to finish what you started, only to find there's no end in sight.