How not to screw up your kids: Parenting tips & tricks

Samuel Miller21,
I’m not trying to build some little being that worships me—I want to raise someone who actually loves themselves.
Of course I want us to be close, but I don't want them clinging to my every move. I love them, but God, I also need plenty of time just for myself 😁

Those little things you mentioned... that’s actually why I started this thread. For instance, if you look on Goodreads, you see so many moms venting about how often they end up yelling at their kids. And then there's the whole shift in schools where hitting is banned—even though, let's be honest, it used to be standard practice. It makes me wonder how all these different parenting styles and societal shifts actually play out once these kids grow up.

Take toddlers, for example 😍 (there’s an entire discussion about them over on Goodreads 😍)—they’re these incredible little creatures caught right on the edge between being helpless infants and actual, real children. One minute they’re melting your heart with how sweet and obedient they are, and the next they turn into 😈—you say the word "cookie" and suddenly they’re sprinting into the street, lunging into the ocean, or throwing a total meltdown because you’re trying to buckle them into a car seat when you’re already late for work. ☕

Sometimes, even when you're trying your absolute hardest, they just won't stop screaming—nothing works, no matter what trick you try. And is it even right to bribe them? (Like—stop crying, let's go to the park, or I'll buy you ice cream?) You can't exactly leave a kid lying in the middle of the road screaming while a car is coming toward them. Obviously. So what *can* you do? Pick them up and wait for the storm to pass? Pretend nothing happened once they settle down? What is the CONCRETE move here?
Those "little things" are exactly what I'm curious about. Props to whoever added tips&tricks to the title 👍

wirednomad42 said:Samuel Miller21,
I’m not trying to build some little being that worships me—I want to raise someone who actually loves themselves.
Of course I want us to be close, but I don't want them clinging to my every move. I love them, but God, I also need plenty of time just for myself 😁

Those little things you mentioned... that’s actually why I started this thread. For instance, if you look on Goodreads, you see so many moms venting about how often they end up yelling at their kids. And then there's the whole shift in schools where hitting is banned—even though, let's be honest, it used to be standard practice. It makes me wonder how all these different parenting styles and societal shifts actually play out once these kids grow up.

Take toddlers, for example 😍 (there’s an entire discussion about them over on Goodreads 😍)—they’re these incredible little creatures caught right on the edge between being helpless infants and actual, real children. One minute they’re melting your heart with how sweet and obedient they are, and the next they turn into 😈—you say the word "cookie" and suddenly they’re sprinting into the street, lunging into the ocean, or throwing a total meltdown because you’re trying to buckle them into a car seat when you’re already late for work. ☕

Sometimes, even when you're trying your absolute hardest, they just won't stop screaming—nothing works, no matter what trick you try. And is it even right to bribe them? (Like—stop crying, let's go to the park, or I'll buy you ice cream?) You can't exactly leave a kid lying in the middle of the road screaming while a car is coming toward them. Obviously. So what *can* you do? Pick them up and wait for the storm to pass? Pretend nothing happened once they settle down? What is the CONCRETE move here?
Those "little things" are exactly what I'm curious about. Props to whoever added tips&tricks to the title 👍

My take:

- "Let's go to the park, I'll buy you ice cream..." - Absolutely not. That just teaches a kid that acting out is a shortcut to getting what they want. Next time they throw a tantrum in the middle of an intersection, rest assured they'll be expecting that ice cream. 😍
- "Pick them up and wait for them to calm down"- Yeah, basically—assuming the environment allows for it.
- "Pretend nothing happened afterward"- No way. A child needs to understand that we're upset because their behavior wasn't okay. Even a two-year-old can pick up on facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language—they CAN tell you're mad and that they messed up. Personally, I'm against any kind of physical punishment. For a toddler, the "punishment" is simply not getting what they wanted—like being buckled into the car seat and driven straight to daycare. They might start off angry, but by the end, they've calmed down. That simple "I am upset with you" message is plenty for a two-year-old.

jadewalker63 said:My take:

- "Let's go to the park, I'll buy you ice cream..." - Absolutely not. That just teaches a kid that acting out is a shortcut to getting what they want. Next time they throw a tantrum in the middle of an intersection, rest assured they'll be expecting that ice cream. 😍
- "Pick them up and wait for them to calm down"- Yeah, basically—assuming the environment allows for it.
- "Pretend nothing happened afterward"- No way. A child needs to understand that we're upset because their behavior wasn't okay. Even a two-year-old can pick up on facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language—they CAN tell you're mad and that they messed up. Personally, I'm against any kind of physical punishment. For a toddler, the "punishment" is simply not getting what they wanted—like being buckled into the car seat and driven straight to daycare. They might start off angry, but by the end, they've calmed down. That simple "I am upset with you" message is plenty for a two-year-old.

1. "pick them up and wait for them to calm down"—solid advice, I agree, and I don't care who's staring at me while I do it—but what if you physically can't? Like, if your hands are full of groceries?
2. I have to admit, I struggle quite a bit with physically managing my daughter 😕
(since we're talking about buckling her into the car seat) so I always lean on verbal cues—I'm much stronger there 😁
There was this one time, back when she was younger, where I managed to get her buckled into the car seat even though she was screaming and thrashing—total hysterics (she just refused to sit in an AS 🙄)—but then she yanked her arms out and leaned sideways during the drive so hard she was practically hanging out of the AS. I even stepped out to fix her, and she did the exact same thing the second I got back in! That is definitely not how you're supposed to transport a kid in an AS—imagine how much sympathy a cop would have for me 🙄 not to mention what would've happened if we’d, God forbid, been in a fender bender 🤷

Bradley Gonzalez4 said:In my experience, I was raised with the idea that I had to take better care of other people's belongings than my own, 😁
that others were inherently more capable than me, 😁
and that I needed to prioritize everyone else over myself. 😁(That’s where things started to go sideways—because, truthfully, nobody was looking out for me quite that much.)😁)

Just imagine if everyone actually raised their kids that way...

Hey neighbor, you happen to have the address for 13 Gedora?
Look, I've got it, but I'm not handing it over—just give me a hundred bucks!

wirednomad42 said:1. "pick them up and wait for them to calm down"—solid advice, I agree, and I don't care who's staring at me while I do it—but what if you physically can't? Like, if your hands are full of groceries?
2. I have to admit, I struggle quite a bit with physically managing my daughter 😕
(since we're talking about buckling her into the car seat) so I always lean on verbal cues—I'm much stronger there 😁
There was this one time, back when she was younger, where I managed to get her buckled into the car seat even though she was screaming and thrashing—total hysterics (she just refused to sit in an AS 🙄)—but then she yanked her arms out and leaned sideways during the drive so hard she was practically hanging out of the AS. I even stepped out to fix her, and she did the exact same thing the second I got back in! That is definitely not how you're supposed to transport a kid in an AS—imagine how much sympathy a cop would have for me 🙄 not to mention what would've happened if we’d, God forbid, been in a fender bender 🤷

Could you maybe lower the bags? 🤔🙂

wirednomad42 said:1. "pick them up and wait for them to calm down"—solid advice, I agree, and I don't care who's staring at me while I do it—but what if you physically can't? Like, if your hands are full of groceries?
2. I have to admit, I struggle quite a bit with physically managing my daughter 😕
(since we're talking about buckling her into the car seat) so I always lean on verbal cues—I'm much stronger there 😁
There was this one time, back when she was younger, where I managed to get her buckled into the car seat even though she was screaming and thrashing—total hysterics (she just refused to sit in an AS 🙄)—but then she yanked her arms out and leaned sideways during the drive so hard she was practically hanging out of the AS. I even stepped out to fix her, and she did the exact same thing the second I got back in! That is definitely not how you're supposed to transport a kid in an AS—imagine how much sympathy a cop would have for me 🙄 not to mention what would've happened if we’d, God forbid, been in a fender bender 🤷

I get it—it isn't easy dealing with a daughter that spirited—but every kid is different. They all have their own way of testing you.
Mine was the exact same way—just refused to ride alone in the car seat from the get-go. It mostly ended up with me never driving him by myself at all, except for really short trips. My husband ended up being the primary driver, and if I did drive, I’d always make sure my son was sitting in the back.
Again—it’s just a matter of circumstances that someone can easily organize or even manufacture.

I’ve always felt the most successful when I finally figured out which approach actually works—you know, the kind where we don't end up fighting. It used to be such a grind, honestly—but after 15 years, I can see that all that effort was more than worth it.
I have a teenager—and honestly, we’ve never once had an argument. I don't see that changing anytime soon.

...because now he’s being careful to use methods against me that—honestly—just don't hold up. 👋

The real secret to dodging those massive blowups with little kids? Just having enough time in the bank. Honestly, everything got so much smoother once I realized that and started being way more intentional about my schedule. Kids aren't exactly living by the same frantic clock we are; they don't care about rushing, while parents are constantly racing against things the kids could easily spend an entire day obsessing over.
When I’m in a rush, or running behind, and the kids start dragging their feet with their usual antics, it’s so easy to get frazzled—and let's be real, that just makes everything ten times worse. It’s kind of ironic, actually. I spend so much energy trying to teach them how to be patient, yet there I am, getting impatient with them because I'm stressed (I'll admit, it happens!).
If you stay chill and keep a smile on your face—both on the outside and deep down inside—it helps, because kids have these crazy accurate sensors for when you're actually feeling anxious.
One thing I struggle with more than anything else is consistency. I try my best to set clear rules and stick to them, but I'll be honest, I often cave. The thing is, my kids are absolute lawyers; they come up with these incredibly solid arguments just to get me to bend the rules. In a weird way, I’m actually pretty happy with how it works out, even if it means we end up in these endless negotiations. They push because they know I might eventually give in. If I were a total drill sergeant, maybe there’d be less back-and-forth, but honestly? I actually love listening to their little ideas. Sometimes they'll double down on something totally nonsensical, which can be super frustrating, but I try to stay cool and just hope that as they grow up, they'll start making more sense on their own.

jadewalker63 said:Could you maybe lower the bags? 🤔🙂

I get it—it isn't easy dealing with a daughter that spirited—but every kid is different. They all have their own way of testing you.
Mine was the exact same way—just refused to ride alone in the car seat from the get-go. It mostly ended up with me never driving him by myself at all, except for really short trips. My husband ended up being the primary driver, and if I did drive, I’d always make sure my son was sitting in the back.
Again—it’s just a matter of circumstances that someone can easily organize or even manufacture.

I’ve always felt the most successful when I finally figured out which approach actually works—you know, the kind where we don't end up fighting. It used to be such a grind, honestly—but after 15 years, I can see that all that effort was more than worth it.
I have a teenager—and honestly, we’ve never once had an argument. I don't see that changing anytime soon.

...because now he’s being careful to use methods against me that—honestly—just don't hold up. 👋

👍

Lawrence Cook79 said:The real secret to dodging those massive blowups with little kids? Just having enough time in the bank. Honestly, everything got so much smoother once I realized that and started being way more intentional about my schedule. Kids aren't exactly living by the same frantic clock we are; they don't care about rushing, while parents are constantly racing against things the kids could easily spend an entire day obsessing over.
When I’m in a rush, or running behind, and the kids start dragging their feet with their usual antics, it’s so easy to get frazzled—and let's be real, that just makes everything ten times worse. It’s kind of ironic, actually. I spend so much energy trying to teach them how to be patient, yet there I am, getting impatient with them because I'm stressed (I'll admit, it happens!).
If you stay chill and keep a smile on your face—both on the outside and deep down inside—it helps, because kids have these crazy accurate sensors for when you're actually feeling anxious.
One thing I struggle with more than anything else is consistency. I try my best to set clear rules and stick to them, but I'll be honest, I often cave. The thing is, my kids are absolute lawyers; they come up with these incredibly solid arguments just to get me to bend the rules. In a weird way, I’m actually pretty happy with how it works out, even if it means we end up in these endless negotiations. They push because they know I might eventually give in. If I were a total drill sergeant, maybe there’d be less back-and-forth, but honestly? I actually love listening to their little ideas. Sometimes they'll double down on something totally nonsensical, which can be super frustrating, but I try to stay cool and just hope that as they grow up, they'll start making more sense on their own.

👍

Of course—it’s always best when you actually have enough time to breathe and can just take a chill approach to everything—not that anyone ever gives us that luxury. 👍.
We spent, I don't know, almost an hour this morning—not exactly going full throttle, mind you, but taking plenty of breaks—just messing around. 😁 I had to negotiate whether she’d actually take her medicine—she finally caved, obviously, because she realized I wasn't going to budge on that one thing she wanted unless she finished a spoonful of syrup. Total blackmail, really. 🥳 Well, it finally worked. —I try to avoid blackmail unless my health is on the line— 😁 )

But here's the real kicker—what happens when you're completely out of time? What’s actually the best way to handle that mess?

Edit: Lawrence Cook79—about this whole "loosening up" thing—do you actually think before you set these rules? Like, why that specific rule and why right there? It’s pretty obvious you aren't totally sure what you're deciding when some kids just shut you down with actual logic. 😁
Maybe you're just making up rules for the sake of having something to do—just busywork, really. 🤷

I let her get away with pretty much anything—unless it’s actually dangerous. Like, I’m not gonna let her stick her hand in boiling water, obviously—but if she’s obsessed with lotions and wants to slather every little scratch and scrape with cream for the third time today? Fine. Let her. I don't see the big deal. I definitely don't see eye-to-eye with my husband on this one—he thinks I'm way too soft. 😕

wirednomad42; said:but the real kicker is—what happens when you’re totally out of time? what’s the move then?

Man, honestly... I think the biggest thing is just not losing your cool. Like, don't get aggressive, but you gotta be firm and steady. Since you mentioned it, I actually dealt with the exact same thing with my kid and his medicine once... we were pleading, making promises, nothing worked. When we were down to the wire, I just grabbed him—not mean, just holding him firm, held his cheeks, and got that syrup in him. But the key was staying calm and soothing while doing it. He threw a fit for maybe ten seconds, and after that, everyone just breathed a sigh of relief. Kisses, great job, let's keep moving! It happened a few more times like that, and eventually, he actually started asking for the stuff himself, even when he was feeling under the weather.😁

wirednomad42; said:edit: Hey, Lawrence Cook79, about that whole "sticking to the rules" thing—do you ever just pause and think about why you’re setting things up that way in the first place? It feels like maybe you aren't totally sure about the boundaries when kids start coming at you with actual logic and changing your mind. 😁
Maybe you're just making rules just for the sake of having them. 🤷

Think about it this way... though, in this specific case, we're talking about a four-year-old, which changes the vibe completely. Up until now, the rule has basically been "no knives, period," because, well, knives are dangerous and that's that. But this kid? He wants to slice things, but he isn't allowed. He wants to cut through some bread or a tomato... nope, can't do it! I tell him, "Look, it's too sharp, the knife might slip and you'll cut yourself." Then he hits me with, "But I can cut Play-Doh!" And honestly? He's got a point. So, I grabbed one of those "forbidden" butter knives, and he sliced a little Play-Doh pancake right down the middle—super careful, mind you—and then looked at me and said, "Okay, now put the knife away so my brother doesn't grab it." 😉

wirednomad42 said:👍

👍

Of course—it’s always best when you actually have enough time to breathe and can just take a chill approach to everything—not that anyone ever gives us that luxury. 👍.
We spent, I don't know, almost an hour this morning—not exactly going full throttle, mind you, but taking plenty of breaks—just messing around. 😁 I had to negotiate whether she’d actually take her medicine—she finally caved, obviously, because she realized I wasn't going to budge on that one thing she wanted unless she finished a spoonful of syrup. Total blackmail, really. 🥳 Well, it finally worked. —I try to avoid blackmail unless my health is on the line— 😁 )

But here's the real kicker—what happens when you're completely out of time? What’s actually the best way to handle that mess?

Edit: Lawrence Cook79—about this whole "loosening up" thing—do you actually think before you set these rules? Like, why that specific rule and why right there? It’s pretty obvious you aren't totally sure what you're deciding when some kids just shut you down with actual logic. 😁
Maybe you're just making up rules for the sake of having something to do—just busywork, really. 🤷

I let her get away with pretty much anything—unless it’s actually dangerous. Like, I’m not gonna let her stick her hand in boiling water, obviously—but if she’s obsessed with lotions and wants to slather every little scratch and scrape with cream for the third time today? Fine. Let her. I don't see the big deal. I definitely don't see eye-to-eye with my husband on this one—he thinks I'm way too soft. 😕

Raising kids might be easier if you follow the one rule I lived by with my own kid:
- they can do basically anything, as long as it doesn't hurt them, someone else, or the house.

Whenever I was stuck on what to do, I’d just run through those three things. If nothing was at risk, fine—let them learn, explore, and have fun.
Of course, I made sure our home environment was set up to respect those rules as much as possible. As much as possible, anyway.

It's obvious that kids are going to test everything—experimenting, flipping things over, pushing buttons (including ours)....all while trying to enjoy themselves.
When a kid arrives, your whole world shifts. I've never understood parents who think their lives will stay exactly the same after having a baby. They won't. You have to accept that. Your space (the house, the yard), your habits (going out, daily routines), even your social life—it all has to adapt to the new reality. We chose to bring this child into the world, so we have to deal with the fallout and take responsibility for it.
The reason I mention this is because most of these adjustments come down to one thing: time.

Like wirednomad42 said, health is the priority, and there's no negotiating there. You take the medicine—whether the kid likes it or not. We try different methods, we try to negotiate... but if it fails, eventually we end up doing what Lawrence Cook79 👍 does....which involves an apology and a quick explanation to the kid (don't assume even the little ones don't get it—they might not have the words, but they definitely feel it 😍)

Lawrence Cook79 said:Think about it this way... though, in this specific case, we're talking about a four-year-old, which changes the vibe completely. Up until now, the rule has basically been "no knives, period," because, well, knives are dangerous and that's that. But this kid? He wants to slice things, but he isn't allowed. He wants to cut through some bread or a tomato... nope, can't do it! I tell him, "Look, it's too sharp, the knife might slip and you'll cut yourself." Then he hits me with, "But I can cut Play-Doh!" And honestly? He's got a point. So, I grabbed one of those "forbidden" butter knives, and he sliced a little Play-Doh pancake right down the middle—super careful, mind you—and then looked at me and said, "Okay, now put the knife away so my brother doesn't grab it." 😉

I don't get 😕—why let him play with a knife at all? Knives aren't for kids, end of story. 🤷
Just buy some plastic kid-friendly ones and give him those instead.

wirednomad42; said:I don't really get 😕 - why let them use a knife to cut playdough? A knife isn't a toy for kids, period. 🤷
You just buy the little plastic ones and stick to those.

Yeah, I hear you, but kids grow, right? They evolve. If there’s a solid reason behind it, why shouldn't we rethink the rules once in a while? My kid is four and a half now, his motor skills are leveling up, and he's clearly getting more mature. He’s had those plastic kid-safe tools for ages and uses them to cut stuff, but this was different. I made sure to give him the chance in a totally safe way, and honestly, he nailed it. He handled the knife with such respect, too—like he knew it was serious. He tried cutting, loved those few seconds of doing it, and hasn't stopped talking about it all day. And just to be clear, he wasn't badgering me or throwing a fit; he actually spent a couple of days being really thoughtful about it, figuring out how to ask properly and eventually making it happen.

mistyseal11 said:Just imagine if everyone actually raised their kids that way...

Hey neighbor, you happen to have the address for 13 Gedora?
Look, I've got it, but I'm not handing it over—just give me a hundred bucks!

You missed my point entirely.
I was saying that we need to learn how to stand up for ourselves and prioritize our own needs instead of constantly catering to everyone else. 😉
The absolute worst thing you can do to someone is convince them that other people's interests always come before their own. 🙄

And honestly? The world would be a much better place if children were actually taught how to say "no" from the start.

It took me far too long to finally learn that lesson myself. 😳

Jason Harris5 said:From where I'm sitting...

I think I'll be most successful if one day, when they're grown, they come knocking on my door and tell me off because I didn't do this or that... but without all the heavy drama or constant finger-pointing... just saying... "look, you weren't quite there..." while still acknowledging that despite my flaws, I helped shape who they are today.

The second they actually have the guts to "question" my authority or my choices, that's my signal that I did something right... that I taught them how to think for themselves and stand their ground.

I've been there a few times and the old man literally lost his mind.

Listen Alapač!

You’ve got this massive privilege—getting to introduce a tiny little soul to the world.

A world full of colors, smells, and flavors—a world of people, animals, and everything growing out there.
A world where good meets bad, where there's greatness and then there's just total bullshit.

You have to show her how diverse things really are. More than anything, you’ve gotta hold her hand through it all. You need to tell her stories, and more importantly, actually listen to hers.

You have to introduce her to her mother. To a woman who is kind but also flawed, someone who’s having great days and some absolute disasters—someone who has plenty sometimes and nothing at all, who gives and who holds back.

Mostly, you just need to be understanding; though, honestly, you can't be doing that every single second of every single day.

Let her meet other people too—let them help expand her horizons.

By the time she hits ten, she’ll have her best friend. A little mudrica who already knows exactly how the world works.

You mentioned real estate earlier...
Don't go there. Just focus on securing (fixing up, leveling up) your own place, and let her be a part of that life.

Open a savings account for her. Let her learn how to manage those funds when she grows up.

Then, eventually, let *her* be the one to secure her own property, while you just stand by her side.

Let her share her dreams with you. Let her introduce you to her kids down the road.

Help her out, sure, but don't you dare do the work for her.

P.S.
It's a shame her father isn't mentioned anywhere in this...

mellowbear49 said:Listen Alapač!

You’ve got this massive privilege—getting to introduce a tiny little soul to the world.

A world full of colors, smells, and flavors—a world of people, animals, and everything growing out there.
A world where good meets bad, where there's greatness and then there's just total bullshit.

You have to show her how diverse things really are. More than anything, you’ve gotta hold her hand through it all. You need to tell her stories, and more importantly, actually listen to hers.

You have to introduce her to her mother. To a woman who is kind but also flawed, someone who’s having great days and some absolute disasters—someone who has plenty sometimes and nothing at all, who gives and who holds back.

Mostly, you just need to be understanding; though, honestly, you can't be doing that every single second of every single day.

Let her meet other people too—let them help expand her horizons.

By the time she hits ten, she’ll have her best friend. A little mudrica who already knows exactly how the world works.

You mentioned real estate earlier...
Don't go there. Just focus on securing (fixing up, leveling up) your own place, and let her be a part of that life.

Open a savings account for her. Let her learn how to manage those funds when she grows up.

Then, eventually, let *her* be the one to secure her own property, while you just stand by her side.

Let her share her dreams with you. Let her introduce you to her kids down the road.

Help her out, sure, but don't you dare do the work for her.

P.S.
It's a shame her father isn't mentioned anywhere in this...

which, fast forward a few years to puberty, and she’ll be hating my guts—everyone will be better than me 😍 (not that I care, honestly, just part of growing up 😍 )

mellowbear49 said:Listen Alapač!

You’ve got this massive privilege—getting to introduce a tiny little soul to the world.

A world full of colors, smells, and flavors—a world of people, animals, and everything growing out there.
A world where good meets bad, where there's greatness and then there's just total bullshit.

You have to show her how diverse things really are. More than anything, you’ve gotta hold her hand through it all. You need to tell her stories, and more importantly, actually listen to hers.

You have to introduce her to her mother. To a woman who is kind but also flawed, someone who’s having great days and some absolute disasters—someone who has plenty sometimes and nothing at all, who gives and who holds back.

Mostly, you just need to be understanding; though, honestly, you can't be doing that every single second of every single day.

Let her meet other people too—let them help expand her horizons.

By the time she hits ten, she’ll have her best friend. A little mudrica who already knows exactly how the world works.

You mentioned real estate earlier...
Don't go there. Just focus on securing (fixing up, leveling up) your own place, and let her be a part of that life.

Open a savings account for her. Let her learn how to manage those funds when she grows up.

Then, eventually, let *her* be the one to secure her own property, while you just stand by her side.

Let her share her dreams with you. Let her introduce you to her kids down the road.

Help her out, sure, but don't you dare do the work for her.

P.S.
It's a shame her father isn't mentioned anywhere in this...

I don't have one 😢

mellowbear49 said:Listen Alapač!

You’ve got this massive privilege—getting to introduce a tiny little soul to the world.

A world full of colors, smells, and flavors—a world of people, animals, and everything growing out there.
A world where good meets bad, where there's greatness and then there's just total bullshit.

You have to show her how diverse things really are. More than anything, you’ve gotta hold her hand through it all. You need to tell her stories, and more importantly, actually listen to hers.

You have to introduce her to her mother. To a woman who is kind but also flawed, someone who’s having great days and some absolute disasters—someone who has plenty sometimes and nothing at all, who gives and who holds back.

Mostly, you just need to be understanding; though, honestly, you can't be doing that every single second of every single day.

Let her meet other people too—let them help expand her horizons.

By the time she hits ten, she’ll have her best friend. A little mudrica who already knows exactly how the world works.

You mentioned real estate earlier...
Don't go there. Just focus on securing (fixing up, leveling up) your own place, and let her be a part of that life.

Open a savings account for her. Let her learn how to manage those funds when she grows up.

Then, eventually, let *her* be the one to secure her own property, while you just stand by her side.

Let her share her dreams with you. Let her introduce you to her kids down the road.

Help her out, sure, but don't you dare do the work for her.

P.S.
It's a shame her father isn't mentioned anywhere in this...

I have.

mellowbear49 said:Listen Alapač!

You’ve got this massive privilege—getting to introduce a tiny little soul to the world.

A world full of colors, smells, and flavors—a world of people, animals, and everything growing out there.
A world where good meets bad, where there's greatness and then there's just total bullshit.

You have to show her how diverse things really are. More than anything, you’ve gotta hold her hand through it all. You need to tell her stories, and more importantly, actually listen to hers.

You have to introduce her to her mother. To a woman who is kind but also flawed, someone who’s having great days and some absolute disasters—someone who has plenty sometimes and nothing at all, who gives and who holds back.

Mostly, you just need to be understanding; though, honestly, you can't be doing that every single second of every single day.

Let her meet other people too—let them help expand her horizons.

By the time she hits ten, she’ll have her best friend. A little mudrica who already knows exactly how the world works.

You mentioned real estate earlier...
Don't go there. Just focus on securing (fixing up, leveling up) your own place, and let her be a part of that life.

Open a savings account for her. Let her learn how to manage those funds when she grows up.

Then, eventually, let *her* be the one to secure her own property, while you just stand by her side.

Let her share her dreams with you. Let her introduce you to her kids down the road.

Help her out, sure, but don't you dare do the work for her.

P.S.
It's a shame her father isn't mentioned anywhere in this...

😕
Her dad has his own relationship with her that tangles with mine, but it doesn't hit me hard enough to worry about it the way I worry about my own connections.

btw, love the layout of this post 😍

wirednomad42 said:which, fast forward a few years to puberty, and she’ll be hating my guts—everyone will be better than me 😍 (not that I care, honestly, just part of growing up 😍 )

I don't have one 😢

I have.

😕
Her dad has his own relationship with her that tangles with mine, but it doesn't hit me hard enough to worry about it the way I worry about my own connections.

btw, love the layout of this post 😍

This hit home... Look, I don't claim to be an expert on kids—I don't understand them at all—but I do understand the concept of upbringing to a point. Someone raised me, after all. I've learned that the person being raised is always the cumulative result of everything they've been exposed to. It isn't just Mom's rules or Dad's discipline or Grandpa's influence; it’s a cocktail of parents, extended family, friends and their parents, the neighborhood, the local park... I don't have children, but I do have dogs (and cats), and the biggest failures in training always happened when we didn't sit down as a group and agree on both a) what we were doing and b) how we were going to do it. So, my take? With kids, it’s absolutely vital that the direction and the methodology stay consistent among everyone involved in the raising—at least between the parents and the grandparents if they're part of the equation.

wirednomad42 said:which, fast forward a few years to puberty, and she’ll be hating my guts—everyone will be better than me 😍 (not that I care, honestly, just part of growing up 😍 )

I don't have one 😢

I have.

😕
Her dad has his own relationship with her that tangles with mine, but it doesn't hit me hard enough to worry about it the way I worry about my own connections.

btw, love the layout of this post 😍

Does nobody actually believe you can have a great relationship with a teenager without all the constant fighting and bickering?😕

Dennis Bailey2 said:This hit home... Look, I don't claim to be an expert on kids—I don't understand them at all—but I do understand the concept of upbringing to a point. Someone raised me, after all. I've learned that the person being raised is always the cumulative result of everything they've been exposed to. It isn't just Mom's rules or Dad's discipline or Grandpa's influence; it’s a cocktail of parents, extended family, friends and their parents, the neighborhood, the local park... I don't have children, but I do have dogs (and cats), and the biggest failures in training always happened when we didn't sit down as a group and agree on both a) what we were doing and b) how we were going to do it. So, my take? With kids, it’s absolutely vital that the direction and the methodology stay consistent among everyone involved in the raising—at least between the parents and the grandparents if they're part of the equation.

Maybe I phrased that poorly 🤷
What I meant was—I did the best I could by choosing the best possible dad for my child 🙏
I trust my husband, I believe in him, and more than anything, I believe he’ll be the absolute best father for our kid.
But it isn't my job to second-guess his moves. 🤷
I don't know—I guess I don't think it's my place to question anyone but myself 🤷

And besides, if I ever need to bring up something he did, I'll frame it as a hypothetical, or act like it was me who did it. Just because I'm not out here venting about my husband on a forum doesn't mean he isn't there 😉 so let's stick to discussing parenting actions rather than whether or not my kid actually has a father 🙂

jadewalker63 said:Does nobody actually believe you can have a great relationship with a teenager without all the constant fighting and bickering?😕

I certainly don't 😍

wirednomad42 said:Samuel Miller21,
I’m not trying to build some little being that worships me—I want to raise someone who actually loves themselves.
Of course I want us to be close, but I don't want them clinging to my every move. I love them, but God, I also need plenty of time just for myself 😁

Those little things you mentioned... that’s actually why I started this thread. For instance, if you look on Goodreads, you see so many moms venting about how often they end up yelling at their kids. And then there's the whole shift in schools where hitting is banned—even though, let's be honest, it used to be standard practice. It makes me wonder how all these different parenting styles and societal shifts actually play out once these kids grow up.

Take toddlers, for example 😍 (there’s an entire discussion about them over on Goodreads 😍)—they’re these incredible little creatures caught right on the edge between being helpless infants and actual, real children. One minute they’re melting your heart with how sweet and obedient they are, and the next they turn into 😈—you say the word "cookie" and suddenly they’re sprinting into the street, lunging into the ocean, or throwing a total meltdown because you’re trying to buckle them into a car seat when you’re already late for work. ☕

Sometimes, even when you're trying your absolute hardest, they just won't stop screaming—nothing works, no matter what trick you try. And is it even right to bribe them? (Like—stop crying, let's go to the park, or I'll buy you ice cream?) You can't exactly leave a kid lying in the middle of the road screaming while a car is coming toward them. Obviously. So what *can* you do? Pick them up and wait for the storm to pass? Pretend nothing happened once they settle down? What is the CONCRETE move here?
Those "little things" are exactly what I'm curious about. Props to whoever added tips&tricks to the title 👍

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 🙄🙄🙄
Sorry, but all those Rolexes had to stop somewhere at some point.