Violence is violence—whether it is psychological or physical, whether it is inflicted on a woman, a man, a child, or an animal.
When discussing physical abuse against children in the US, people talk about "spanking." In Northern Europe, they call it "slapping." In other places, they might use even more euphemistic terms to soften the blow. But regardless of how different cultures choose to label it, the reality remains unchanged: it is all just different names for the same thing—VIOLENCE.
I suspect that when people attempt to justify "discipline," what they are actually doing is trying to justify themselves, the families they were raised in, or the political and religious regimes that shaped them.
And frankly, it isn't surprising. Their logic usually follows this pattern: "My parents hit me with a belt a few times and I turned out fine; I grew up to be a decent person, and I still love my parents."
And truly, we shouldn't necessarily blame our parents for those moments of physical discipline; they were simply doing the best they knew how to do at the time.
However, we know better today. We understand that violence is unacceptable, and therefore, we must reflect and learn from the mistakes of previous generations.
We know that the situation is far more complex than the simplistic argument: "My parents hit me occasionally, so I turned out okay."
We recognize that a child is a human being from birth—a concept that wasn't universally accepted even twenty years ago in many parts of the world. From this, a simple logic follows: if we wouldn't strike our partners, why should we ever strike our children?
To those who argue that an adult possesses a formed personality while a child does not: tell me, does that give us permission to hit them? I will say this to such people: whether adult or child, Black or White, male or female—every single human being possesses DIGNITY. Whether it is a spanking, a slap, pulling an ear, or constant criticism, that dignity is being stripped away. EVERY HUMAN BEING HAS DIGNITY.
Today, we understand that every individual is unique and reacts differently. Some may have been hit multiple times and appear unaffected, while others might be haunted by a single instance for their entire lives. Are we really willing to gamble and experiment with our own children?
We also know that children are fully competent beings who cooperate with their parents in two distinct ways: directly or inversely. Both are forms of COOPERATION—the act of sending a message to a parent that something is wrong. In cases of violence, some children cooperate directly by rebelling, becoming aggressive, defiant, stubborn, or hysterical; essentially, they become destructive or self-destructive. Others cooperate inversely by withdrawing, enduring the abuse, becoming passive, and eventually believing they deserve the treatment or that violence is normal as long as it comes from someone stronger. Again, they become destructive or self-destructive.
Regardless of the philosophy used to defend it, the most critical fact is this: every time we use violence against a child, we strip away a piece of their SELF-ESTEEM—their fundamental realization that they have inherent value simply by existing.
Perhaps because we struck them, our children might not grow up to be alcoholics, drug addicts, criminals, or depressed individuals. Perhaps they won't turn to suicide, theft, or prostitution; perhaps they will love and respect us. MAYBE. But one thing is certain:
Every form of violence—regardless of the flag under which it is waved, the name it is given, or the "justification" provided—communicates to a child that they are not worthy. In doing so, we violate a basic human right: the RIGHT TO DIGNITY.
Through every episode of violence, children learn that they are worth less and less.
By using violence, we create individuals who lack self-love and self-respect, and who are irresponsible toward their own lives. This inevitably leads to a lack of respect for others and irresponsibility toward society as a whole.
Through violence, we mold personalities that are controlled by external forces, when our goal should be to raise people who are capable of being themselves.
There is no need to condemn our parents; they were once children too, raised in their own way. Even in modern democratic societies, patriarchal undertones remain. Imagine how difficult it was for our parents living under the regimes they grew up in.
Criticism isn't the point; reflection is.
We must step outside of social norms, outdated rules, and rigid frameworks, because our children deserve nothing less.
We must liberate ourselves from superficial, arrogant, and imposed attitudes and start thinking for OURSELVES. We need to think deeply about what is right, rather than settling for shallow conclusions.
I’ll admit, it’s an uphill battle. Swimming against the current is exhausting when traditionalism still runs so deep in America; you end up risking social stigma just for trying something different, especially when there aren't even any role models to look up to.
What’s more, it feels like we have to reinvent the very concept of parenting from scratch, which is incredibly difficult.
But I truly believe the effort pays off.
In a household where individual identity is respected and every single person is treated with equal dignity, everyone wins—both the children and the parents.
The alternative? When there is violence or coercion, nobody comes out happy.
Parenting isn't a one-way street from parent to child; it flows both ways.
It’s a reciprocal process where everyone involved is learning.
We need to actually observe our children instead of resorting to force, because they will tell us everything we need to know. Children are inherently social creatures—is there anything more "social" than sending a message to someone else that they are hurting us??!
Let’s try to look past those shallow, arrogant, stagnant views that suggest corporal punishment is some kind of divine necessity.
Some people argue that today’s kids are too rebellious or aggressive because they’ve been raised in "democratic" households... and honestly, I agree.
Those are the children of parents who gave them everything they wanted, centered their entire lives around their kids, and lost themselves in the process. Kids actually need their parents. (Rebellion and aggression are often just cries for cooperation). Children usually know what they want, but they rarely know what they actually need. What they need is parental guidance built on mutual respect: I respect myself, and I respect others.
Sorry for the long post... this topic hits close to home.
