Not wanting kids: Is it just me?

slypuma17 said:Exactly.

It just occurred to me that people who own dogs or cats have never once cornered me to ask when I'm getting one, nor have they ever accused me of hating animals just because I don't own them—or want to. Not once. 🤷

The reason I don't want them is simple: as I mentioned before, they demand constant maintenance and attention, much like having a child (except you get one pet per "child"). Feeding, training, vet visits, toys, supplies, expenses, expenses, expenses... does that sound familiar? 🙂

That's the thing. I have two dogs, and I never go around attacking people about when they're going to get two dogs that jump all over their beds. Unlike certain people who can't seem to stop badgering me about when I'll have kids. Seriously... just let me live my life. Some people will never wrap their heads around the fact that whether or not I decide to pop out a human being is strictly my business. Sorry for the language.

feralcobra92 said:Who exactly am I supposed to be thanking?
Just be grateful for the era we actually live in! Honestly, I’ve spent so much time listening to stories about what life was like for women even fifty or sixty years ago, and it sounds like a complete nightmare of restricted freedom. It was financial, social—everything was just closed off. No one ever bothered to ask a young woman if she actually *wanted* to get married or if she’d rather finish her degree and start a career instead. Her path was already decided for her. You knew exactly what was coming: marriage, a house full of kids, grueling physical labor like hauling water from a well or scrubbing laundry by hand, dealing with illnesses, losing children to diseases, and being completely financially dependent on a husband who acted like the absolute boss of the household...
A woman had zero say in any of it, unless she just played the part and did exactly what she was expected to do.
But today, women go to college just like men do, and we get to call the shots on everything—what we do, where we go, whether we want to work at all, if we even want to marry, if we want a partner, or if we want to have kids. It is such a massive shift in just a few decades, and I truly believe we women should be thrilled with how much things have changed in our favor. Who cares if the neighbor or your mother-in-law gives you a little wink or asks for updates every single time they see you? The decision is entirely yours, and honestly, that is just wonderful.

What you're talking about is class, not the era. Wealthy socialites weren't hauling water from wells or raising twelve kids a hundred or three hundred years ago... and women in impoverished villages in parts of Africa or Asia still aren't getting educated or deciding for themselves if they want to marry or have children.

feralcobra92 said:Hehe! So, I have two cats, and people always seem to jump down my throat asking when I’m finally going to get rid of them. Honestly, I haven't had anyone even bother to ask me that before—and believe me, I was already a mother by the time I was 27! Maybe I just come across as too playful or carefree for some people. But truthfully, I really couldn't care less what the majority of my neighbors or any other unimportant people in my life think about my choices. The people who actually matter to me deserve an explanation and a real conversation, while everyone else just gets a blank stare and some vague, noncommittal answers.

feralcobra92 said:Honestly, it doesn't even get under my skin! When I was walking home from work carrying this absolutely precious, tiny abandoned kitten, I definitely caught a few judgmental stares along the way. People actually had the nerve to ask me if I kept him outside, acting like dogs belong on leashes while cats are supposed to just roam the neighborhood. I just told them straight up that my first cat sleeps right in my bed with me. Then they, poor things, tried to claim that having a cat in bed is somehow better than having a dog in an apartment. But once they found out I have a dog living in the house too, they completely shut up! Only one brave lady cleaning nearby chimed in to say she’d sweep all that mess away with her foot in a heartbeat. It doesn't bother me or make me angry at all; honestly, they're kind of sweet. They actually care about me and are just worried that cat hair might "settle in my lungs." 🤣
It's the exact same deal when it comes to kids. I don't have any little ones because I don't have the cash, or maybe I just can't have them, or perhaps it's just not my time yet, or I haven't figured out if I even want them...

seriously, can you just pick a side and decide if you have kids or not?☕

Perhaps she handed them to someone else? 😕

Actually, I suspect you might have misquoted her.

Honestly, I’d start getting seriously concerned about my own mental state if I were thinking this way. Look, if you don't want kids, fine—that’s your business. But comparing children to animals? That is absolutely revolting. Besides, people with this kind of mindset should probably be legally barred from having children anyway, because it’s exactly because of people like you that our foster care system is overflowing with abandoned kids.

Chris Watson3 said:Honestly, I’d start getting seriously concerned about my own mental state if I were thinking this way. Look, if you don't want kids, fine—that’s your business. But comparing children to animals? That is absolutely revolting. Besides, people with this kind of mindset should probably be legally barred from having children anyway, because it’s exactly because of people like you that our foster care system is overflowing with abandoned kids.

If you happen to have an aversion to animals, I suppose that might feel unpleasant to you. Personally, though, I don't see anything particularly repulsive about a neighbor's cat. By that same logic, I don't see anything offensive about a friend's son. They are both living beings that someone cares for—and both are capable of feeling affection, each in their own way, I guess.🤷

Look, I definitely have kids myself, but when I said that, I was actually talking about you! So if anyone ever asks why you don't have children yet...
The truth is, I don't have kids because I just don't have the cash right now, or maybe it's just not an option yet, or perhaps I haven't even decided if or when I actually want them!

shadowtrucker18 said:If you happen to have an aversion to animals, I suppose that might feel unpleasant to you. Personally, though, I don't see anything particularly repulsive about a neighbor's cat. By that same logic, I don't see anything offensive about a friend's son. They are both living beings that someone cares for—and both are capable of feeling affection, each in their own way, I guess.🤷

Where on earth did I ever say I hate animals? I have two dogs and four cats at home, plus two absolutely wonderful nephews. You can't even begin to compare my house cat—who spends its entire existence eating, sleeping, and shedding—to a four-year-old kid who called me yesterday and spoke to me like he was some tiny, serious little adult.

Chris Watson3 said:Honestly, I’d start getting seriously concerned about my own mental state if I were thinking this way. Look, if you don't want kids, fine—that’s your business. But comparing children to animals? That is absolutely revolting. Besides, people with this kind of mindset should probably be legally barred from having children anyway, because it’s exactly because of people like you that our foster care system is overflowing with abandoned kids.

I mean, that’s not even really how it works... nursing homes are packed because people just keep having kids without giving it a second thought. Meanwhile, those who actually make a conscious choice to stay childless? They aren't exactly out there trying to make it happen—which means, well... the odds are way lower.

The biggest issue is just how much people play games with their lives... they go out and have a kid and then act all shocked when reality actually hits them. Like, give me a break.

And let's not even get started on that certain subset of people who decide to have a dozen kids—basically popping out a new one every single year—only to realize they can't actually afford to raise them. So then they just hand the kids off to the government, which, let's be honest, has absolutely no clue what to do with them either.

Honestly, it’s better to not have kids at all than to bring them into this world if you can't actually show up for them—or even just provide the basics. It's a tough pill to swallow, but if you aren't in a position to give them the care they deserve, maybe it's better to just skip that chapter entirely.

Chris Watson3 said:Where on earth did I ever say I hate animals? I have two dogs and four cats at home, plus two absolutely wonderful nephews. You can't even begin to compare my house cat—who spends its entire existence eating, sleeping, and shedding—to a four-year-old kid who called me yesterday and spoke to me like he was some tiny, serious little adult.

I suppose that might be an issue with how you're perceiving things rather than how we are expressing ourselves. 🤷

slypuma17 said:Exactly.

It just occurred to me that people who own dogs or cats have never once cornered me to ask when I'm getting one, nor have they ever accused me of hating animals just because I don't own them—or want to. Not once. 🤷

The reason I don't want them is simple: as I mentioned before, they demand constant maintenance and attention, much like having a child (except you get one pet per "child"). Feeding, training, vet visits, toys, supplies, expenses, expenses, expenses... does that sound familiar? 🙂

People who love animals are way less likely to stick their noses in other people's business than those who claim to love kids.

And look, it’s just not true that people who don't want kids actually dislike them... and it's just as untrue to say that everyone who has kids does so because they love them... unfortunately... if that were actually the case... the world would be a whole lot more peaceful than it is right now

Chris Watson3 said:Where on earth did I ever say I hate animals? I have two dogs and four cats at home, plus two absolutely wonderful nephews. You can't even begin to compare my house cat—who spends its entire existence eating, sleeping, and shedding—to a four-year-old kid who called me yesterday and spoke to me like he was some tiny, serious little adult.

My sister keeps saying she might have one kid someday, but she also thinks it's totally fine that my dog is more important to me than her future child. Honestly, though, my own kid is way more important to me than hers would be anyway.🥳
So yeah, I'm bowing down to her logic.🙏
Though, looking at how she uses phrases like "maybe, one day, one kid," I doubt she'll ever actually have children. Not that it matters; she's already playing mom to a dog, a rabbit, and two cats.😁

edit: I'm fully expecting a mob of child enthusiasts to come for me after posting this.🥳🙂

crimsongull20 said:People who love animals are way less likely to stick their noses in other people's business than those who claim to love kids.

Spot on. Honestly, well said.🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

Chris Watson3 said:Honestly, I’d start getting seriously concerned about my own mental state if I were thinking this way. Look, if you don't want kids, fine—that’s your business. But comparing children to animals? That is absolutely revolting. Besides, people with this kind of mindset should probably be legally barred from having children anyway, because it’s exactly because of people like you that our foster care system is overflowing with abandoned kids.

Are you suggesting that people who don't want biological children also have zero interest in adopting from the system? 😕

Angela Newman33 said:And look, it’s just not true that people who don't want kids actually dislike them... and it's just as untrue to say that everyone who has kids does so because they love them... unfortunately... if that were actually the case... the world would be a whole lot more peaceful than it is right now

🙏

Chris Watson3 said:Honestly, I’d start getting seriously concerned about my own mental state if I were thinking this way. Look, if you don't want kids, fine—that’s your business. But comparing children to animals? That is absolutely revolting. Besides, people with this kind of mindset should probably be legally barred from having children anyway, because it’s exactly because of people like you that our foster care system is overflowing with abandoned kids.

I think people were simply weighing different sets of interests against one another, nothing more...☕

If someone loves animals and keeps them, why should that be viewed as somehow less significant than someone having children? I mean that sincerely. To me, it feels incredibly selfish when I’m out with a group of parents and the only topic of conversation at the table is diaper changes or potty training mishaps. It’s exhausting. It’s like if I sat down at a dinner party and spent the entire night lecturing everyone on the nuances of sailing when nobody else cares about it. Why does everyone have to obsess over kids? Why is it that so many parents assume everyone else is dying to have them, or that it’s "normal" to talk about nothing else?

If you want kids, go for it; if you don't, don't. I don't see either path as being "bad"—I see it as a choice. Just as I don't believe those here who choose not to have children would be bad parents, I don't think parents who don't own a dog would be bad pet owners. It’s all about personal preference.

Noah Fowler87 said:I think people were simply weighing different sets of interests against one another, nothing more...☕

If someone loves animals and keeps them, why should that be viewed as somehow less significant than someone having children? I mean that sincerely. To me, it feels incredibly selfish when I’m out with a group of parents and the only topic of conversation at the table is diaper changes or potty training mishaps. It’s exhausting. It’s like if I sat down at a dinner party and spent the entire night lecturing everyone on the nuances of sailing when nobody else cares about it. Why does everyone have to obsess over kids? Why is it that so many parents assume everyone else is dying to have them, or that it’s "normal" to talk about nothing else?

If you want kids, go for it; if you don't, don't. I don't see either path as being "bad"—I see it as a choice. Just as I don't believe those here who choose not to have children would be bad parents, I don't think parents who don't own a dog would be bad pet owners. It’s all about personal preference.

I never once stated that it was "abnormal" to choose not to have children. In fact, if someone doesn't want them, it's much better than having them just because society expects it of them. My issue is solely that comparing children to cats is absolutely revolting. I don't find other people's children annoying either—I'm not the type to fawn over every kid I see—but my nephews are wonderful, though I didn't realize how much I'd love them until they were actually born. It also irritates me when parents talk exclusively about diapers and every single movement their baby makes. A friend of mine has a six-month-old and she's a totally normal, happy mom who isn't limited to talking only about her child. There are all kinds of people in this world; you have the right to not have children, and you have the right not to be stigmatized for that choice. But if I respect your choice, then you should respect the choices of others to have children, rather than following the logic many of you have used here—that most people have them simply because they feel "forced" to by their social circles.

Look, I genuinely love kids. Babies are adorable—I love holding them, playing with them, just hanging out with them in general
but I have zero desire to have my own. That lifestyle just isn't for me... I don't feel the urge, and honestly, I don't think it would actually make me happy.

In fact, I’d much rather adopt a child who’s already out there needing a home than go through the whole process of having my own biological kid.

I just don't see the point or the purpose in bringing a new life into the world myself... you know?
I feel like I could do way more good by taking in someone who's already stuck in the system and just needs someone to look out for them.

Noah Fowler87 said:I think people were simply weighing different sets of interests against one another, nothing more...☕

If someone loves animals and keeps them, why should that be viewed as somehow less significant than someone having children? I mean that sincerely. To me, it feels incredibly selfish when I’m out with a group of parents and the only topic of conversation at the table is diaper changes or potty training mishaps. It’s exhausting. It’s like if I sat down at a dinner party and spent the entire night lecturing everyone on the nuances of sailing when nobody else cares about it. Why does everyone have to obsess over kids? Why is it that so many parents assume everyone else is dying to have them, or that it’s "normal" to talk about nothing else?

If you want kids, go for it; if you don't, don't. I don't see either path as being "bad"—I see it as a choice. Just as I don't believe those here who choose not to have children would be bad parents, I don't think parents who don't own a dog would be bad pet owners. It’s all about personal preference.

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏