To be or not to be... a father?

mistyfox812 said:Biologically speaking, men have hands. Even though science proves you can live without one hand—or even get by using just one—most people find they need both. It's like having wings just so we can fly. Then there are our hormones and sex drives that make most guys want to stick their junk in a woman... and sometimes children happen. Why God made us this way, who knows. Biologically, kids are often just a byproduct of an intense drive for sex. That doesn't mean the kid was actually wanted, or that the guy actually wants to "be a father."

Being a father presumably means wanting to raise a child and teaching them how to survive. Most guys don't feel that urge at the start; they just stumble into it through sex and then realize it's actually kind of fun. Or maybe they see a helpless puppy and suddenly feel the urge, let alone a tiny human they're responsible for. Not everyone feels this way, though. Plenty of guys just walk away and dodge child support entirely. Some want to be fathers and some don't—some bail because they can't handle the chaos of a woman's pregnancy. Some end up being fathers to 2% of their kids, others to 35%, or more. What it actually means to be a father depends on how each man perceives life and human needs. Could you expand on this and explain what being a father meant for you?

But honestly, sex can be exhausting (though that's incredibly rare),
and being a dad is fun—very, very, very, very rarely. 😁

I’ve been reflecting on why someone would actually want to *be* a father (I mean the essence of "being," not just the biological process) —specifically, why they would embrace all the responsibilities and the weight of that role within modern Western society.

...I’m posing this as an academic, almost philosophical inquiry: What is the fundamental purpose behind it?

.. and so far, I've found very few meaningful answers.

mistyfox812 said:My life? It’s precious to me, man. Seriously.

I mean, sure, I can be proud of certain things about myself—maybe my strength, looks, brains, education, guts, experience, or just having a solid moral compass and some deep insight... But all that stuff only matters if I actually *exist*. If I'm alive. Life comes before all those qualities, period.

And it’s not just me feeling this way—it’s everyone who’s breathing. We all value our lives. We all try (even if it’s just a little bit, every once in a while) to hang on to this life. It’s precious to us all.

I got my life from my parents. Plain and simple. Without them, there is no me. Without their physical connection, I wouldn't be here. Without my mom carrying me for nine months, I wouldn't exist.

I owe my whole life to my parents.

Even if they hadn't given me anything else after that (and honestly, they gave me way more than enough), I’d still be incredibly grateful for the single most valuable thing they provided: my existence as a human being. Because without that, I wouldn't have had anything else at all. It's hands down the greatest gift I could ever receive.

When you face a gift like that, all you can really do is say thank you.

And they received that same gift from their parents. And their parents before them. They could have done whatever they wanted with it—found ways to have fun, avoided hard work, or even questioned it. They could have asked "why?" Why bother being a parent under the circumstances of the USA, Nazi Germany, the Kingdom of America, the Austro-Canadian Empire, or under the Venetians, Turks, Byzantines, Romans, Illyrians, beyond the Carpathians, or in Persia? No matter if they were under rich rulers or poor ones, powerful or oppressed, sick or healthy, everyone had their own questionable perspectives (just like human perspectives always have been). Yet, they all passed that gift along—the gift they got from their own parents—passing it down, and down, and down, until it finally reached me.

If they hadn't passed it on, I wouldn't be here.

And honestly, I'm just glad to be here. 🙂 I hope you guys feel the same way. 😁

If the day ever comes where I get to give someone else a gift this precious... well, I know I'll be just as grateful for that gift too. 🙂

mistyfox812 said:My life? It’s precious to me, man. Seriously.

I mean, sure, I can be proud of certain things about myself—maybe my strength, looks, brains, education, guts, experience, or just having a solid moral compass and some deep insight... But all that stuff only matters if I actually *exist*. If I'm alive. Life comes before all those qualities, period.

And it’s not just me feeling this way—it’s everyone who’s breathing. We all value our lives. We all try (even if it’s just a little bit, every once in a while) to hang on to this life. It’s precious to us all.

I got my life from my parents. Plain and simple. Without them, there is no me. Without their physical connection, I wouldn't be here. Without my mom carrying me for nine months, I wouldn't exist.

I owe my whole life to my parents.

Even if they hadn't given me anything else after that (and honestly, they gave me way more than enough), I’d still be incredibly grateful for the single most valuable thing they provided: my existence as a human being. Because without that, I wouldn't have had anything else at all. It's hands down the greatest gift I could ever receive.

When you face a gift like that, all you can really do is say thank you.

And they received that same gift from their parents. And their parents before them. They could have done whatever they wanted with it—found ways to have fun, avoided hard work, or even questioned it. They could have asked "why?" Why bother being a parent under the circumstances of the USA, Nazi Germany, the Kingdom of America, the Austro-Canadian Empire, or under the Venetians, Turks, Byzantines, Romans, Illyrians, beyond the Carpathians, or in Persia? No matter if they were under rich rulers or poor ones, powerful or oppressed, sick or healthy, everyone had their own questionable perspectives (just like human perspectives always have been). Yet, they all passed that gift along—the gift they got from their own parents—passing it down, and down, and down, until it finally reached me.

If they hadn't passed it on, I wouldn't be here.

And honestly, I'm just glad to be here. 🙂 I hope you guys feel the same way. 😁

If the day ever comes where I get to give someone else a gift this precious... well, I know I'll be just as grateful for that gift too. 🙂

That last part really trips me up:
do you honestly think your own children will be grateful?

That’s all true, but I can't help but wonder—why am I getting way more responses from women than from men? 😕

swiftcobra15 said:👍

swiftcobra15 said:👍

It’s an incredible feeling, seeing the future reflected in her eyes
That's when you realize just how much you truly love her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pJoMeEg8cM

Alright, gentlemen, let's hear your thoughts on this!

swiftcobra15 said:👍

mistyfox812 said:

And how can you be sure they won't end up resenting you because of that "gift"? 😕

swiftcobra15 said:Nah, I mean, what they feel is on them, right? Not my problem... But hey, can't I just enjoy the chance to give someone something without it being all about their reaction?

swiftcobra15 said:Nah, I mean, what they feel is on them, right? Not my problem... But hey, can't I just enjoy the chance to give someone something without it being all about their reaction?

swiftcobra15 said:👍

swiftcobra15 said:👍

mistybison said:

Sam Murphy said:Life just feels empty without children, and honestly, all that money you're saving won't mean a thing if there's no one to share it with...

I’m certain my life wouldn't feel empty just because I don't have children.

What does money even have to do with that?