To be or not to be... a father?

mistyfox812 said:I don't feel any sense of gratitude toward my parents for being here. In fact, I believe their decision to have me was quite foolish and immature, and I am the only one who has to deal with the consequences. 🙄 They really should have thought things through more before sentencing me to existence. 🙄 To anyone who believes that bringing a child into this world is some kind of precious gift, I truly hope you get a child just like me. 😍 😁 🤣

I don't feel any sense of gratitude toward my parents for being here. In fact, I believe their decision to have me was quite foolish and immature, and I am the only one who has to deal with the consequences. 🙄 They really should have thought things through more before sentencing me to existence. 🙄 To anyone who believes that bringing a child into this world is some kind of precious gift, I truly hope you get a child just like me. 😍 😁 🤣
Camus says, ''There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy. All the rest follows.''
Camus says, ''There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy. All the rest follows.''
Humans possess an inherent instinct for self-preservation. While this drive might be less pronounced in certain individuals, most people have a highly developed internal system that protects them from making such a decision. Becoming a parent introduces a different weight; you never truly know what kind of child you will have or what kind of life they will face. A parent carries the ultimate responsibility for bringing a new life into the world. It would be wrong for nefer to tell them, "If you aren't happy with the life I gave you, then take matters into your own hands."😛 😉

mistybison said:Camus says, ''There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy. All the rest follows.''

Humans possess an inherent instinct for self-preservation. While this drive might be less pronounced in certain individuals, most people have a highly developed internal system that protects them from making such a decision. Becoming a parent introduces a different weight; you never truly know what kind of child you will have or what kind of life they will face. A parent carries the ultimate responsibility for bringing a new life into the world. It would be wrong for nefer to tell them, "If you aren't happy with the life I gave you, then take matters into your own hands."😛 😉
I don't know, I just don't see how it's anything but fair to admit we'd much rather be alive than dead—especially since, luckily, we haven't taken advantage of the option to not exist yet. 🙂

mistyfox812 said:I don't know, I just don't see how it's anything but fair to admit we'd much rather be alive than dead—especially since, luckily, we haven't taken advantage of the option to not exist yet. 🙂

The will to live is hardwired into us; we didn't earn it. This makes parenthood even more daunting, as you're bringing a new being into a world where they'll have to fight tooth and nail just to survive. 😢

So, why would anyone actually want to be a dad? Or better yet, what’s the actual point of being one? Honestly... it's so someone can look back years from now—once that kid has grown into their own person—and tell their own children how their old man taught them how to throw a perfect spiral, how to reel in a bass out on the lake, or how to sink nothing but three-pointers. How he was the one who showed them how to ride a bike, handle a dirt bike, or even jump on a tractor. It's about those moments when he had to lay down the law, whether it was fair or not, just to teach them a lesson. It's about being the guy who carried them on his shoulders so they could see over the crowd and feel taller than every other kid in the stands. It's about that kid looking up and seeing a hero, and thinking there isn't a bigger one out there. And it's not even because of all that stuff—it's just because he's *their* dad. It's because one day, he decided he wanted to be a father... or maybe he didn't even realize he wanted to at the time... but he stepped up anyway. And he always will.

William Gonzalez3 said:I suppose there might be a reason to become a father—just so you have the chance to one day be a grandfather...

How true is that!😁

Especially if a man actually aims to become a great-grandfather...

You really ought to become a father while you're still young
say, by age 23 at the latest...😍

I skimmed through everything, and honestly, I don't feel like I can really answer why someone would want to be a parent just because I'm a woman. I don't know how much different we are from men—at the end of the day, we're all just human beings.
Biology and passing on genes play a part, sure, but there's more to it. It’s about wanting to channel your love into something precious, something lasting, and something uniquely yours. How much of that is selfish? Well, it’s selfish if you bring a life into this world based solely on a whim without really thinking it through. You have to realize that these little lives need protection, and parenting is a massive undertaking. It isn't easy, but having love makes those tough moments much more manageable. Sadly, being a parent doesn't always guarantee love for the child, though it should. People act like having kids is just a standard milestone in a "normal" life, but it shouldn't be treated that way. Honestly, I don't think anyone should even be asking *why* someone wants kids or doesn't; it's a deeply personal choice. Every adult should ideally know their own heart and act on what they truly want. Just like anything else in life, if you go against your true desires, that dissatisfaction will eventually catch up to you.

So, looking at what everyone has been saying here on this thread—I haven’t combed through every single comment, just the first page—it seems like my takeaway is this: men either don't want kids at all because they don't see the point, or if they do want them, it's for the wrong reasons, like wanting a mini-version of themselves to live out their own unfulfilled ambitions... From that, I can only conclude that if they do somehow end up becoming fathers by some stroke of fate, we really need those men to be from that first group 😁 Google wouldn't even dream of projecting their own heavy expectations onto them...

Since we’re already diving into this whole "to be or not to be a father" debate—and how most men either shy away from the responsibility entirely or pursue it for all the wrong motivations—it seems to suggest that a mother’s presence alone might actually be enough for a child, simply because her perspective and emotional connection are fundamentally different... After all, women who choose not to have children are truly in the minority, aren't they? There is a primal, almost overwhelming instinct in a woman to want a child; it feels like something far more powerful than her own individual will. Wouldn't it follow, then, that it's perfectly natural for a woman to take on the primary role of nurturing and raising her child on her own?
If that were the case, fathers would likely only stick around to satisfy certain social pressures or expectations. But since most men have finally moved past those purely selfish impulses, they tend to stay committed to their children, whether they find the lifestyle appealing or not...

The average man seems to carry this innate, almost unconscious drive to have children... I honestly don't know if he even understands the root of it, and perhaps he doesn't even stop to ask, but the desire is there, and he ends up subtly pushing his partner toward that same path. She might not be ready at all, yet because he feels so certain, he fails to grasp why she thinks it's too soon or why she simply isn't in that headspace right now. It makes me wonder, though—in these moments, does a man essentially surrender his own identity to fulfill a biological urge, effectively letting his primal need for a child dictate who he is...

William Gonzalez3 said:

[/B]

Personally, I believe most women want kids, while only a minority of men do.
But just to keep the peace at home, satisfy "public opinion" (grandparents, extended family, and neighbors), and stick to tradition, we "average out" to wanting children.
I mean, what else would we do with our lives?

[/B]

Personally, I believe most women want kids, while only a minority of men do.
But just to keep the peace at home, satisfy "public opinion" (grandparents, extended family, and neighbors), and stick to tradition, we "average out" to wanting children.
I mean, what else would we do with our lives?
of it.
It seems that way—that men really don't have an inherent drive to be fathers. They probably didn't even before, though they needed the help for farm work.
The aristocracy, on the other hand, had fewer children because they didn't need extra hands in the fields—not for hauling wood through the woods or working the orchards and vineyards. In fact, it was actually better for them to have fewer heirs so the descendants wouldn't end up killing each other over the inheritance.

Fortunately, women have become much more self-centered, vain, and perhaps a bit more immature today (or maybe they were always this way, and social pressure was just stronger back then), so they don't want to ruin their figures with all those kids. Or maybe children just don't fit into a lifestyle dedicated to building careers, or they refuse to bring kids into the world if they can't afford the absolute best private schools—as if those schools make such a difference; I went to public school and I turned out fine—so they decide against it altogether. Or they might have one child, since it's easier to leave a woman with one kid rather than three (though she could manage three). So, we've only just now become truly complementary, mutually reinforcing genders. Today, we are being presented with the obvious reality that women don't actually want to be mothers either. As soon as they stopped being pushed into it, they stopped. And so, the birth rate plummeted. Which will, of course, stop once a real oil shortage hits and women's rights are rolled back because humanity will desperately need more labor again—but that's a problem for later. For now, let's just enjoy life without all the little ones.

[/B]

Personally, I believe most women want kids, while only a minority of men do.
But just to keep the peace at home, satisfy "public opinion" (grandparents, extended family, and neighbors), and stick to tradition, we "average out" to wanting children.
I mean, what else would we do with our lives?

[/B]

Personally, I believe most women want kids, while only a minority of men do.
But just to keep the peace at home, satisfy "public opinion" (grandparents, extended family, and neighbors), and stick to tradition, we "average out" to wanting children.
I mean, what else would we do with our lives?
Despise? That's a pretty intense emotion toward something so harmless that barely touches you or affects your life in any way. Personally, soccer isn't exactly gripping for me either, so I just don't watch it. But I don't despise it, because contempt requires energy that could be spent more wisely on karate or working the field.

[/B]

Personally, I believe most women want kids, while only a minority of men do.
But just to keep the peace at home, satisfy "public opinion" (grandparents, extended family, and neighbors), and stick to tradition, we "average out" to wanting children.
I mean, what else would we do with our lives?

[/B]

Personally, I believe most women want kids, while only a minority of men do.
But just to keep the peace at home, satisfy "public opinion" (grandparents, extended family, and neighbors), and stick to tradition, we "average out" to wanting children.
I mean, what else would we do with our lives?
Hatred? I think my previous point answers that question perfectly enough.

[/B]

Personally, I believe most women want kids, while only a minority of men do.
But just to keep the peace at home, satisfy "public opinion" (grandparents, extended family, and neighbors), and stick to tradition, we "average out" to wanting children.
I mean, what else would we do with our lives?
of it.
It seems that way—that men really don't have an inherent drive to be fathers. They probably didn't even before, though they needed the help for farm work.
The aristocracy, on the other hand, had fewer children because they didn't need extra hands in the fields—not for hauling wood through the woods or working the orchards and vineyards. In fact, it was actually better for them to have fewer heirs so the descendants wouldn't end up killing each other over the inheritance.

Fortunately, women have become much more self-centered, vain, and perhaps a bit more immature today (or maybe they were always this way, and social pressure was just stronger back then), so they don't want to ruin their figures with all those kids. Or maybe children just don't fit into a lifestyle dedicated to building careers, or they refuse to bring kids into the world if they can't afford the absolute best private schools—as if those schools make such a difference; I went to public school and I turned out fine—so they decide against it altogether. Or they might have one child, since it's easier to leave a woman with one kid rather than three (though she could manage three). So, we've only just now become truly complementary, mutually reinforcing genders. Today, we are being presented with the obvious reality that women don't actually want to be mothers either. As soon as they stopped being pushed into it, they stopped. And so, the birth rate plummeted. Which will, of course, stop once a real oil shortage hits and women's rights are rolled back because humanity will desperately need more labor again—but that's a problem for later. For now, let's just enjoy life without all the little ones.

[/B]

Personally, I believe most women want kids, while only a minority of men do.
But just to keep the peace at home, satisfy "public opinion" (grandparents, extended family, and neighbors), and stick to tradition, we "average out" to wanting children.
I mean, what else would we do with our lives?
Despise? That's a pretty intense emotion toward something so harmless that barely touches you or affects your life in any way. Personally, soccer isn't exactly gripping for me either, so I just don't watch it. But I don't despise it, because contempt requires energy that could be spent more wisely on karate or working the field.

[/B]

Personally, I believe most women want kids, while only a minority of men do.
But just to keep the peace at home, satisfy "public opinion" (grandparents, extended family, and neighbors), and stick to tradition, we "average out" to wanting children.
I mean, what else would we do with our lives?
Hatred? I think my previous point answers that question perfectly enough.[/COLOR]
It seems that way—that men really don't have an inherent drive to be fathers. They probably didn't even before, though they needed the help for farm work.
The aristocracy, on the other hand, had fewer children because they didn't need extra hands in the fields—not for hauling wood through the woods or working the orchards and vineyards. In fact, it was actually better for them to have fewer heirs so the descendants wouldn't end up killing each other over the inheritance.

Fortunately, women have become much more self-centered, vain, and perhaps a bit more immature today (or maybe they were always this way, and social pressure was just stronger back then), so they don't want to ruin their figures with all those kids. Or maybe children just don't fit into a lifestyle dedicated to building careers, or they refuse to bring kids into the world if they can't afford the absolute best private schools—as if those schools make such a difference; I went to public school and I turned out fine—so they decide against it altogether. Or they might have one child, since it's easier to leave a woman with one kid rather than three (though she could manage three). So, we've only just now become truly complementary, mutually reinforcing genders. Today, we are being presented with the obvious reality that women don't actually want to be mothers either. As soon as they stopped being pushed into it, they stopped. And so, the birth rate plummeted. Which will, of course, stop once a real oil shortage hits and women's rights are rolled back because humanity will desperately need more labor again—but that's a problem for later. For now, let's just enjoy life without all the little ones.

Despise? That's a pretty intense emotion toward something so harmless that barely touches you or affects your life in any way. Personally, soccer isn't exactly gripping for me either, so I just don't watch it. But I don't despise it, because contempt requires energy that could be spent more wisely on karate or working the field.

Hatred? I think my previous point answers that question perfectly enough.[/COLOR]
That’s a bit of a nihilistic take on it, but honestly, that’s just how things look today. Once you strip away all the ideologies, all that remains are the facts and the statistics...

mistybison said:

I don't feel any sense of gratitude toward my parents for being here. In fact, I believe their decision to have me was quite foolish and immature, and I am the only one who has to deal with the consequences. 🙄 They really should have thought things through more before sentencing me to existence. 🙄 To anyone who believes that bringing a child into this world is some kind of precious gift, I truly hope you get a child just like me. 😍 😁 🤣
I don't feel any sense of gratitude toward my parents for being here. In fact, I believe their decision to have me was quite foolish and immature, and I am the only one who has to deal with the consequences. 🙄 They really should have thought things through more before sentencing me to existence. 🙄 To anyone who believes that bringing a child into this world is some kind of precious gift, I truly hope you get a child just like me. 😍 😁 🤣
I don't feel any sense of gratitude toward my parents for being here. In fact, I believe their decision to have me was quite foolish and immature, and I am the only one who has to deal with the consequences. 🙄 They really should have thought things through more before sentencing me to existence. 🙄 To anyone who believes that bringing a child into this world is some kind of precious gift, I truly hope you get a child just like me. 😍 😁 🤣
And that’s exactly why the line between deciding to have a child or not is so impossibly thin for me... There is simply no such thing as making the "right" decision.

Life is empty without kids; all that money is useless without them.

That’s a pretty weak and baseless take. I’ll be 25 before I know it, and marriage isn't even on my radar, let alone having children. To me, a family is just a man and a woman; kids are essentially a bonus—and sometimes a pretty bad one at that. 😬 Some people simply aren't built for parenthood, yet society forces the idea on you. From the moment you're an embryo, the script is already written: daycare, school, puberty, college, career, marriage, kids, grandparents, and then you slowly fade away. It's more important to spend your life doing something meaningful; whether or not you have kids is a personal choice. Most people just play out the roles assigned to them, and this societal pressure to prove you're a "serious adult" by starting a family feels pathetic. If you aren't married or don't have kids, you're treated like some sort of outlier who doesn't fit in. I've been developing my own philosophy since I was 13. Even with minor shifts through my teens and early twenties, my core beliefs haven't changed much. I don't feel called to be someone's uncle or a husband according to these social blueprints. Honestly, the whole concept of legalized marriage seems a bit silly to me. We could conclude that families are basically mini-states: they have members, hierarchies, budgets, obligations, and taxes that become mandatory after years of living together. Since I'm generally against government overreach and imposed institutions, I can't see myself forming a family right now. When a family is forced upon you, even if you chose the individuals, you're obligated to love and protect them. Personally, I value my relationships with friends and partners much more because those are choices I make, not things tied to tradition. You have to love your grandmother because she's your blood, but you can walk away from a friend whenever you want since there's no biological tie. In my view, shared values matter far more than shared DNA.
Besides, there are so many neglected kids in the world who need love and care, yet people are often hypocritical and selfish. Why bring more kids into the world when there are already children out there needing homes? Is the person who birthed them really more important than someone who chooses to love an adopted child? What does it matter if a kid shares blood with an uncle who treats them poorly?

I’ve always wanted to be a dad. The problem? I’m single, don't have a girlfriend, and—let's be real—the clock is starting to feel a little loud. My own old man wasn't exactly the warm, fuzzy type, so I never really grew up calling him "Dad." Because of that, I want to do things differently—I want to actually be there, step up, and enjoy teaching my kid everything I know. But at this rate, I’ll probably just end up being that guy everyone calls the "perpetual bachelor" before I even get a chance to start.

Being a father isn't a bad gig, though. Dads are the ones who truly look out for their kids!

A quick response to the guy calling himself an executioner:

Why kids—and why I actually want them:
Look, you’ve got a point. Why rack myself up with extra expenses when I can do whatever the hell I want right now? Travel, hookups, buying a Harley, growing out this messy beard... I can do all that today without the baggage. But, I’m trying my best to stay somewhat level-headed here.

At the end of the day, wouldn't it be worth it to pour all that time and energy into raising a kid of my own? To actually guide someone and teach them everything I know? There’s gotta be some deeper purpose in that somewhere.

* Regarding that question you threw at me: "why women want to be moms"
I see what you're doing there—total trap. Honestly, plenty of them say they "don't want to." Personally, I'd love to find someone fair, honest, and down-to-earth; but that's where my luck runs out—those types are getting harder to find these days.

Quote:

Dracula says: What is this even supposed to mean? Are you saying your life as it stands right now lacks purpose—and that you want to find that purpose by having kids? Don't let the tone of my previous post mislead you; obviously, anyone who wants children needs to dedicate actual time and attention to them. But I just don't get why someone would want this in the first place—simply because it wouldn't be a bad idea? I wasn't trying to force this question on you, so I apologize if it came off that way... Then again, you can't really answer the question anyway since you aren't a woman. And this idea that you can't find righteous, honest, and modest women? That's a total delusion. They are absolutely out there. You just have to be persistent and actually look for them. Hell, you can even find them right here on this forum. P.S. Please don't address me so formally—I'm just some 24-year-old kid.🙂[/COLOR]

Wow,🙏
is that actually you, Dracula?
So, do you have any recommendations for a certain "fine specimen" (oops, sorry, I'm picking up your style...)
of a righteous, honest, and modest woman?

And would finding such a woman actually be enough motivation—or even a valid excuse—to become a father?

Why would a man even want to be a father...
What does being a father actually mean to you?
Maybe if you could describe your own father to us, it might make it a little easier for the guys here to weigh in on whether they’d want to step into that role or not.

A friend of mine once said something quite beautiful—something along the lines of growing alongside your children. To me, that captures the whole essence of it. We've been given this innate opportunity to evolve as individuals through the experience of parenting.
As for the idea that women desire children more, I honestly think that’s just something we’ve been conditioned to believe. Historically, a woman wasn't even considered "real" unless she was a mother; it was how her identity was defined. Men didn't face those same societal pressures, and frankly, they rarely had the chance to be the kind of fathers that modern standards actually expect them to be.
Still, it’s genuinely good to see more men finally discovering the richness that life offers when they embrace parenthood.