Everything you need for a Midwest wedding

Scott Scott2 said:I guess I just hope he makes enough money to pull off that new vibe...
I mean, he's trying to impress a successful businessman who probably isn't about to drop $25,000 on a car.

It’s simple logic: any carpenter with a decent income is going to have a better ride, but a carpenter can't be a Priest. Right?

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eighteen says: You haven't got a clue, man. I think you'd probably basically choose a Wedding in a church just for the sake of having a big procession, rather than doing it for yourself, your wife, or your faith. You'd want to kneel at the altar without any sacraments, grab the microphone to read a speech, and tell the photographer and videographer where to stand in front of the Priest. So, did you mess up and now you're here on this forum whining and making threats against journalists and bloggers? Huh? Are you really such a "fear factor" in your own town that you have to follow every single trend? This whole thing about a short-fused moderator has nothing to do with a priest... it’s all about you.👎

Which part isn't clear? Did I not say I would have the sacraments? Are you even reading?
What wedding procession?? You're talking to the wrong person. What videographer or microphone in a church? It's a small Wedding... a few people... a tiny church... purely sentimental reasons... A trend? What trend...
I think you've got me completely wrong. I am not the person you're describing... I feel bad that you think that way, but if that's how people around you act... I honestly feel sorry for you.

Michael Perez5 said:So, I guess I’m not a believer just because I haven't done my Confirmation... wow... that’s exactly the kind of response I was expecting. Maybe I’m not a believer either because I don't leave money $333 to cover "the priest's needs—the parish's needs"
. Or maybe I’m not a believer because I believe a priest can't actually "forgive" my sins; only God can, and even then, only if I sincerely repent by my own bed and He hears me, right?
Am I not a believer if I don't show up at St. Michael's Church regularly?
Am I not a believer because I think the nuns shouldn't be treated like servants to the priests?
And am I not a believer if I spend my time helping the sick, the hungry, and those in need... which I ALWAYS do?

Did God suggest that priests should drive around in brand-new cars, go out for fancy lunches at restaurants, or hang out with their buddies at night over beers talking about what some teenage girls confessed during confession regarding their first experiences? Is that why the sacraments have to be respected?

Look, I realize that if I want a church wedding, I have to follow whatever rules the church sets. That’s just how it works. I know I need to do my Confirmation, and I will do it. So, the sacraments are being honored... but that's not what we're talking about right now! My faith is deep, and it's my own personal relationship with God (which, I mean, I believe everyone should have if they want to live honestly and in peace—you don't need priests to take your money and tell you whether you're a believer or not... I guess...). But unfortunately, I haven't had a single positive experience with priests. In fact, my experiences have been completely opposite, and in the worst way possible.

I would truly love to talk to an honest, humble, and reasonable representative of God, but I haven't run into one yet...

The reason I'm writing here is about the behavior of a priest who acted so condescendingly and arrogantly. He looked down on me, insulted me, and treated me like a liar... I mean, what kind of man does that? I don't even have friends like that...

How can you ask people for MONEY when they already hold such a fearful respect for priests, and many actually think they aren't "good believers" if they don't give enough cash? I just can't believe it... but what happened today really crossed the line. And by the way, I didn't even tell him I hadn't done my Confirmation. Honestly, I could barely get a word in between his outbursts... who knows... if I had, he probably would have kicked me out right then and there... 😢

I can't tell you if you're a believer or not, but if you think regular sacramental confession isn't necessary (that confessing personally to God is enough), then you're stepping outside the bounds of Catholic teaching. A Priest doesn't forgive sins in a sacramental confession (only God forgives sins); he grants absolution (think of him as God's representative who, based on the authority God gave him, absolves sins).

Michael Perez5 said:So, I guess I’m not a believer just because I haven't done my Confirmation... wow... that’s exactly the kind of response I was expecting. Maybe I’m not a believer either because I don't leave money $333 to cover "the priest's needs—the parish's needs"
. Or maybe I’m not a believer because I believe a priest can't actually "forgive" my sins; only God can, and even then, only if I sincerely repent by my own bed and He hears me, right?
Am I not a believer if I don't show up at St. Michael's Church regularly?
Am I not a believer because I think the nuns shouldn't be treated like servants to the priests?
And am I not a believer if I spend my time helping the sick, the hungry, and those in need... which I ALWAYS do?

Did God suggest that priests should drive around in brand-new cars, go out for fancy lunches at restaurants, or hang out with their buddies at night over beers talking about what some teenage girls confessed during confession regarding their first experiences? Is that why the sacraments have to be respected?

Look, I realize that if I want a church wedding, I have to follow whatever rules the church sets. That’s just how it works. I know I need to do my Confirmation, and I will do it. So, the sacraments are being honored... but that's not what we're talking about right now! My faith is deep, and it's my own personal relationship with God (which, I mean, I believe everyone should have if they want to live honestly and in peace—you don't need priests to take your money and tell you whether you're a believer or not... I guess...). But unfortunately, I haven't had a single positive experience with priests. In fact, my experiences have been completely opposite, and in the worst way possible.

I would truly love to talk to an honest, humble, and reasonable representative of God, but I haven't run into one yet...

The reason I'm writing here is about the behavior of a priest who acted so condescendingly and arrogantly. He looked down on me, insulted me, and treated me like a liar... I mean, what kind of man does that? I don't even have friends like that...

How can you ask people for MONEY when they already hold such a fearful respect for priests, and many actually think they aren't "good believers" if they don't give enough cash? I just can't believe it... but what happened today really crossed the line. And by the way, I didn't even tell him I hadn't done my Confirmation. Honestly, I could barely get a word in between his outbursts... who knows... if I had, he probably would have kicked me out right then and there... 😢

If you know a Priest who is leaking secrets from confessions, I suggest you warn him, and if that doesn't work, report him to the Bishop.

Michael Perez5 said:So, I guess I’m not a believer just because I haven't done my Confirmation... wow... that’s exactly the kind of response I was expecting. Maybe I’m not a believer either because I don't leave money $333 to cover "the priest's needs—the parish's needs"
. Or maybe I’m not a believer because I believe a priest can't actually "forgive" my sins; only God can, and even then, only if I sincerely repent by my own bed and He hears me, right?
Am I not a believer if I don't show up at St. Michael's Church regularly?
Am I not a believer because I think the nuns shouldn't be treated like servants to the priests?
And am I not a believer if I spend my time helping the sick, the hungry, and those in need... which I ALWAYS do?

Did God suggest that priests should drive around in brand-new cars, go out for fancy lunches at restaurants, or hang out with their buddies at night over beers talking about what some teenage girls confessed during confession regarding their first experiences? Is that why the sacraments have to be respected?

Look, I realize that if I want a church wedding, I have to follow whatever rules the church sets. That’s just how it works. I know I need to do my Confirmation, and I will do it. So, the sacraments are being honored... but that's not what we're talking about right now! My faith is deep, and it's my own personal relationship with God (which, I mean, I believe everyone should have if they want to live honestly and in peace—you don't need priests to take your money and tell you whether you're a believer or not... I guess...). But unfortunately, I haven't had a single positive experience with priests. In fact, my experiences have been completely opposite, and in the worst way possible.

I would truly love to talk to an honest, humble, and reasonable representative of God, but I haven't run into one yet...

The reason I'm writing here is about the behavior of a priest who acted so condescendingly and arrogantly. He looked down on me, insulted me, and treated me like a liar... I mean, what kind of man does that? I don't even have friends like that...

How can you ask people for MONEY when they already hold such a fearful respect for priests, and many actually think they aren't "good believers" if they don't give enough cash? I just can't believe it... but what happened today really crossed the line. And by the way, I didn't even tell him I hadn't done my Confirmation. Honestly, I could barely get a word in between his outbursts... who knows... if I had, he probably would have kicked me out right then and there... 😢

I'm sorry that Priest treated you that way. Unfortunately, Priests sin too, sometimes even worse than anyone else. I don't know what to advise you. If you still want your Wedding at that church and the Priest is being difficult, perhaps you should talk to the Bishop...

Michael Perez5 said:I think I'm going to have a meltdown... everything will follow the usual protocol... but there's no way he's going to be the one officiating our wedding, that much is certain. Still, I'm trying to figure out a workaround so we can still hold the ceremony at that church in downtown Savannah.

Does anyone know how the relationships between different parishes and their priests usually work? I guess I'm wondering how I should handle this—does anyone have any insight?

Personally, I've often found Church regulations to be quite a hurdle. When I had my own Wedding, I did things on my own terms, even though I already had several children.
I ended up having a bit of a confrontation with the Priest. He started off in a manner very similar to what you're experiencing right now.😁 It didn't end well initially.😉 I told him straight to his face that I had never met a worse Priest in my life and asked if he actually knew what he was doing or if he was just trying to sell me something.
I was just as livid as you are feeling in this moment. However, later on, he apologized to me. And I apologized to him. We eventually ended up having a perfectly friendly conversation.
Who knows what prompted such a reaction from him?
Perhaps he is simply trying to avoid friction with a colleague? Based on my own experience, I can tell you that everything will eventually settle down. I truly believe he will offer an apology if he isn't being completely unreasonable. You find people like that in every single profession.
Think of this as a test of your own maturity and patience. Wishing you the best of luck once again.👍

Angela Torres78 said:You haven't got a clue. You'd basically want a church wedding just for the sake of having a big procession, not because of your faith or you and your bride. You’d want to kneel at the altar without any of the sacraments, read from a microphone, and tell the photographer and videographer exactly where to stand in front of the priest. So, did you mess up, and now you're here on this forum whining and threatening journalists and bloggers? Huh? I guess you actually are some kind of local fear factor if you feel the need to follow every single trend. This short-fused moderator business has nothing to do with the priest... it's all about you.👎

And your point is?

It’s not as if 90% of Americans don't get married exactly that way.

That’s precisely how my sister had her Wedding. 🙄

You'd want to kneel before the altar without even having the sacraments,

That's complete nonsense that was debunked ages ago.
Either you're illiterate or you're just being malicious; I’m reporting you for harassment and personal attacks, so let the moderators weigh in. ☕

you'd be reading into the mic and telling the photographer and videographer where to stand in front of the Priest.

The word "priest" isn't capitalized unless it starts a sentence.

Unless, of course, you're using it as a formal title for someone.

Michael Perez5 said:The car itself doesn't even matter... It’s just the fact that he started screaming at me simply because I approached him with a question... I mean, who is actually the crazy one here? Why... why am I even sitting here writing this? If I hadn't posted this here, I probably would have written it on my blog or sent it to the local news... I just don't understand why he does this. What kind of example is that for people and for believers? Why!?

But look... I want to get married at St. Michael's Church, and I truly believe I have a right to do so... How can I go about fighting for those rights?

Think about who has been maintaining that church all these years—cleaning, scrubbing, and keeping the place running—just so people like you can show up one day covered in sin. Who are you to refuse to acknowledge your own faults? Repent, talk to the Priest, and then go demand what you think you're owed.

mellowdriver86 said:Canon law typically dictates that you hold your wedding in your home parish, usually where the bride belongs. If you want to marry elsewhere, you have to notify your own parish and provide some sort of clearance certificate. I’m not entirely sure of the technical term, but I witnessed this firsthand when a couple recently moved to downtown Chicago and wanted to register for their wedding; since their documents still listed their old addresses, they had to bring those official papers from their previous parishes.
I don't know this priest, and I'm certainly not defending him, but did you even show up during office hours? Maybe the man was in a rush. Perhaps he teaches religion at a local school and is just getting back from a classroom full of kids who drove his blood pressure through the roof until he couldn't even remember his own name (anyone who has ever worked in an American school knows how chaotic they've become lately).
As for the money, priests don't receive a standard salary because they serve the parish, unless they teach religious education, in which case they get paid based on their credentials. And why shouldn't he have a car? What does it matter if he's new? In this day and age, parishes are massive, and there are plenty of elderly and sick people who need home visits. If someone else were driving them, people would just accuse the priest of using church funds for private luxuries.
And what is the issue with giving donations at the church? Here, everyone gives whatever they can afford. No one shames them for it. In fact, it’s often said that if you have nothing, just come and say so, and people will help you. But then, certain individuals exploit that kindness and expect huge sums of money. You show up at the door with basic groceries because you know they can't afford food, and they snap at you, demanding cash while holding a pack of cigarettes in their hand.

Thank you, this is exactly the kind of answer I needed.
We arrived during business hours (office hours start at 4:00 PM—I think we got there around 4:40 PM, and he was just pulling in and parking his car) and after us, two other young people were still hanging out in the plaza.

As for donating at the church... well, kudos to those wonderful people (the Priests) you encountered... personally, I can recall quotes like, "How much should we pay for the wedding?" and the priest responds, "You don't need to pay anything; we'll just fleece the godparents." For my friends who got married, the priest told him in his office (after being asked about the wedding fee), "Add that book over there (on the far side of the table)... see, these people paid $67, these people paid $2667... and these people paid $333 (so, how much did you pay when I came to visit you?)" ($33) The guy felt so awkward... that's really all there is to it.

Priests receive a salary, all their expenses are covered, they get a personal car (it isn't just for visiting the elderly and sick—not for everyone), free housing... and that's all perfectly fine... but WHY, then, aren't these people being HUMAN, HONEST, and MODEST role models for others? 😢

Timothy Martinez6 said:I can't tell you if you're a believer or not, but if you think regular sacramental confession isn't necessary (that confessing personally to God is enough), then you're stepping outside the bounds of Catholic teaching. A Priest doesn't forgive sins in a sacramental confession (only God forgives sins); he grants absolution (think of him as God's representative who, based on the authority God gave him, absolves sins).

If you know a Priest who is leaking secrets from confessions, I suggest you warn him, and if that doesn't work, report him to the Bishop.

I'm sorry that Priest treated you that way. Unfortunately, Priests sin too, sometimes even worse than anyone else. I don't know what to advise you. If you still want your Wedding at that church and the Priest is being difficult, perhaps you should talk to the Bishop...

That’s exactly what I’m struggling with... how can one man—who is supposed to be an example of divine teachings—forgive my sins in God's name? I find that really hard to wrap my head around. I guess God has some serious problems if most of His "representatives" act like what I've experienced. I truly, sincerely hope I can eventually find a good person I can actually talk to with real faith in them and their intentions.

My question is, regardless of all this, am I still able to get married in that church according to the official rules and protocols?

You’re dead wrong about the car. Most of them get one from their parents as a gift after their first Mass. For Priests, a first Mass is just like a Wedding is for you. Parents don't need to throw a massive reception, so they just buy their son a car instead. Or take my Pastor, for example—he actually took out a loan for his car. The Diocese only covers a fraction of the parish housing and church needs; everything else comes straight from the congregation's donations. I know because that’s how it works here in America. At the end of the year, they publicly announce exactly how much money the parish collected and where every cent went. Right now, our Church of Our Lady of the Snows is undergoing renovations. We have donors, sure, but mostly it's the parishioners chipping in ten bucks here and there. Even the cemetery chapel was recently renovated. And don't think it's free to stay warm in the winter; we have heating, electricity, and water to pay for.

Someone mentioned earlier that the Priest at your parish might actually give you grief for not getting married in your own church, which is a massive issue. Nobody wants to get caught in the crossfire between two different sides, right?

mellowdriver86 said:And your headline makes it sound like every single priest in the Midwest is incompetent.
And don't even get me started on weddings. They stay away from church for years, then suddenly they want to tie the knot and expect a full choir to perform for them? People will believe anything! Then they have the nerve to complain about the wedding fee. And what's with the entitlement, expecting the church to be decked out in flowers and fancy organs on their dime?!

No, no, no... I just said that I’ve had my own personal struggles with this, and I honestly hope there are people here with whom I could actually have a productive, meaningful conversation.

I don't see how how often I attend church has anything to do with my faith? I mean, how can you even say that? 😢 What choir... please don't insult me or try to belittle my position. I never mentioned anything about a choir, nor is that what I want... I'm looking for a modest Wedding, yet I ended up being treated poorly by the Priest! It's not about the fees—I'd gladly leave a reasonable donation for those who need it. That isn't even the point. The real issue is the attitude and the way the Priest I spoke with today handled things.

velvetgull9 said:Michael Perez5, I was actually just reading today about how girls from Miami are filing lawsuits against some priest who acts the exact same way.

Maybe this topic would fit better over on WeddingWire, what do you think? 😉

velvetgull9... look, I'm talking about Priests, my experiences with them, church protocols, and how I can fulfill my wish to have a Wedding in the specific church I want.

velvetranger52 said:Think about who has been maintaining that church all these years—cleaning, scrubbing, and keeping the place running—just so people like you can show up one day covered in sin. Who are you to refuse to acknowledge your own faults? Repent, talk to the Priest, and then go demand what you think you're owed.

Heh... so what you're saying is, if I sincerely repent for something I've done in my life, and if I truly thank God for giving me such a beautiful and joyful life (which he has), and I am grateful for my existence... but I don't do that inside a church building, then it means nothing during my lifetime?

Give me a break... when I talk to God and when I sincerely repent, I know He hears me. That's enough for me, and it makes me feel better...

I'll say it again: I understand the rules of the church, and I know I need to go to confession before a Wedding. But you can't tell me that I can't sincerely repent, or that God won't hear me if I'm not sitting in a pew... I really don't believe that...

I'm telling you, at a Wedding, you'll run into plenty of people who've been through the exact same thing, so they can totally walk you through what your rights are and what you actually have to do in that situation 🤷

mellowdriver86 said:You’re dead wrong about the car. Most of them get one from their parents as a gift after their first Mass. For Priests, a first Mass is just like a Wedding is for you. Parents don't need to throw a massive reception, so they just buy their son a car instead. Or take my Pastor, for example—he actually took out a loan for his car. The Diocese only covers a fraction of the parish housing and church needs; everything else comes straight from the congregation's donations. I know because that’s how it works here in America. At the end of the year, they publicly announce exactly how much money the parish collected and where every cent went. Right now, our Church of Our Lady of the Snows is undergoing renovations. We have donors, sure, but mostly it's the parishioners chipping in ten bucks here and there. Even the cemetery chapel was recently renovated. And don't think it's free to stay warm in the winter; we have heating, electricity, and water to pay for.

I guess I didn't know about that custom regarding the cars, though... I haven't really met any young priests personally. But one of the controversial ones drives a BMW... 😢 Look, I believe there are truly exemplary priests out there, I just haven't run into any of them yet. 😢

And who pays for all the expenses? Well... the parishioners do, I suppose. And if you don't give enough, you aren't considered a "good" believer... which is honestly pretty sad. 😢

I am all for donating; I give money myself and I help out whenever I can... and I know plenty of people who do the same. But judging someone's faith based on the size of their donation... eh...

Yeah, I haven't even made it to my own pastor yet (I realize now I probably should have gone to him first), but he belongs to that "crowd" that is... well... let's just say he isn't exactly the gold standard for a man of God. 😢

But today, I just went to ask a quick question at a different parish—the one where the church is located that I want to have my Wedding in... and it felt like the devil himself had entered the office. And I was being perfectly polite, quiet, and humble, too...

Michael Perez5 said:That’s exactly what I’m struggling with... how can one man—who is supposed to be an example of divine teachings—forgive my sins in God's name? I find that really hard to wrap my head around. I guess God has some serious problems if most of His "representatives" act like what I've experienced. I truly, sincerely hope I can eventually find a good person I can actually talk to with real faith in them and their intentions.

My question is, regardless of all this, am I still able to get married in that church according to the official rules and protocols?

Well, the efficacy of a sacrament doesn't depend on how holy the Priest performing it happens to be.
That isn't a scientific fact; it's a matter of faith.

I believe you can still get married there (after all, the Priest doesn't own the building), but you should probably check with the local authorities to be sure...

It's honestly frustrating how many people today (not necessarily pointing at you) treat a church Wedding as nothing more than a tradition—just doing it so the neighbors won't talk—or a mere formality, without understanding that it's a sacred sacrament and what that actually implies...

velvetgull9 said:I'm telling you, at a Wedding, you'll run into plenty of people who've been through the exact same thing, so they can totally walk you through what your rights are and what you actually have to do in that situation 🤷

Aha... I don't know... I mean, you can if you want to. If you really think it would be better that way. Maybe...

Timothy Martinez6 said:Well, the efficacy of a sacrament doesn't depend on how holy the Priest performing it happens to be.
That isn't a scientific fact; it's a matter of faith.

I believe you can still get married there (after all, the Priest doesn't own the building), but you should probably check with the local authorities to be sure...

It's honestly frustrating how many people today (not necessarily pointing at you) treat a church Wedding as nothing more than a tradition—just doing it so the neighbors won't talk—or a mere formality, without understanding that it's a sacred sacrament and what that actually implies...

Alright, thanks for the help.

Let’s be real, most priests are either corrupt or just completely out of it. Half of them probably only took the job because nobody offered them a ☕
instead. Don't sweat it. Just go pop his tires like you would with anyone else who gets on your nerves; God won't mind

My comments about the choir weren't aimed at you. I was talking about those entitled people who expect everything handed to them on a silver platter, only to start throwing stones at the clergy when they get told "no" for perfectly valid reasons. Take someone who hasn't stepped foot in an American church since they were a kid—they walk in expecting some Hollywood-style wedding production. You know what I mean, right?

Michael Perez5 said:No, no, no... I just said that I’ve had my own personal struggles with this, and I honestly hope there are people here with whom I could actually have a productive, meaningful conversation.

I don't see how how often I attend church has anything to do with my faith? I mean, how can you even say that? 😢 What choir... please don't insult me or try to belittle my position. I never mentioned anything about a choir, nor is that what I want... I'm looking for a modest Wedding, yet I ended up being treated poorly by the Priest! It's not about the fees—I'd gladly leave a reasonable donation for those who need it. That isn't even the point. The real issue is the attitude and the way the Priest I spoke with today handled things.

velvetgull9... look, I'm talking about Priests, my experiences with them, church protocols, and how I can fulfill my wish to have a Wedding in the specific church I want.

Heh... so what you're saying is, if I sincerely repent for something I've done in my life, and if I truly thank God for giving me such a beautiful and joyful life (which he has), and I am grateful for my existence... but I don't do that inside a church building, then it means nothing during my lifetime?

Give me a break... when I talk to God and when I sincerely repent, I know He hears me. That's enough for me, and it makes me feel better...

I'll say it again: I understand the rules of the church, and I know I need to go to confession before a Wedding. But you can't tell me that I can't sincerely repent, or that God won't hear me if I'm not sitting in a pew... I really don't believe that...

Believe whatever helps you sleep at night. God knows what’s in your heart. Just grab your girl by the hand and have some guy perform the ceremony out by the Mississippi River for all I care. God values sincerity and integrity; He'll listen to your intentions regardless of the venue.
As for a marriage license, it’s nothing more than a useless scrap of paper—especially when you factor in the fees. It's a total racket. You want to play it smart? Fine. Everyone else is at fault except you? Give me a break. Unbelievable.

Hmm... I’m honestly not sure how to respond to that. You might be right that I'm being a bit too idealistic about certain things. But I just don't want to feel pressured into doing something just to get what I want... I mean, it feels like if you pay enough, you don't even have to break a sweat or make a confession... and then, boom, you've got your wedding at the Church of Our Lady of the Snows. Honestly, screw that!

Why shouldn't I be able to actually have faith in priests first??