Dealing with the teenage years is a nightmare

All I can really say is what my own dermatologists and estheticians have told me: you need to stick to much gentler products. Anything too harsh just strips the top layer of your skin and ends up making things worse.
If you don't have a dermatologist nearby, it might be worth taking her to a high-end spa specialist instead.

Jason Ortiz5 said:I’m not totally sure if this belongs here, but I honestly don't know where else to turn. Over the last month or so, I’ve noticed my eight-year-old daughter’s skin is getting a bit oily, and then just yesterday, she actually broke out with some real pimples on her nose. 😲 It really caught me off guard. Neither her dad nor I ever dealt with acne issues, so we're pretty lucky there, but goodness, she's only eight! Isn't that a little early? 🤦

I did a little digging online and apparently, it’s not as unheard of as I thought. She doesn't have any other signs of puberty—well, except for the occasional mood swing, but let's be real, she's been like that since she could talk... 😍 Most people suggest using the same kind of skincare adults use, or maybe seeing a dermatologist if things get worse. Definitely stay away from those fancy facialists unless a doctor actually tells you to go.

Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Does anyone have experience with kids getting breakouts this early, or maybe a recommendation for a good product or just some general advice? 🙂

Man, my kid is growing up way too fast! 😍

I went to a local drugstore—they didn't exactly have an "eight-year-old" section—and asked about facial cleansers and soothing inflammation from breakouts.
I ended up with a solution—can't recall the name—but it came in a plastic bottle, similar to rubbing alcohol.
We applied it with cotton pads morning and night... it helped quite a bit.

Thanks so much! 🙂

So, I ran into this pharmacist over the weekend—her kid actually went to the same preschool as mine—and she suggested I try using coconut oil. She mentioned it’s super gentle since it’s basically what people use for baby skin care anyway, so there's no harm in it. Apparently, if you soak a cotton ball in it, it can even help with those little blemishes. I think I'll give it a shot and see how it goes...

I won't linger on the point; have you ever paused to wonder if there is something fundamentally broken with your adolescent offspring?😕
To be precise, I found myself questioning today whether my niece—who is currently being ravaged by puberty—is actually schizophrenic (her mother carries the diagnosis, unfortunately). I certainly didn't experience these particular phases during my own youth, but this is a level of volatility that borders on the irrational. The weeping, the screaming, the slamming of doors, the baseless accusations that her grandmother is being abusive...
She maintains her appearance, she's somewhat messy (which is standard for that age), she isn't negligent about herself, and she performs exceptionally well in school. However, we discovered cigarettes today. The resulting hysteria was so profound that I became genuinely convinced that if I continued the conversation, she would end up in a psychiatric ward.
My pulse reached 92.🙂

Jason Ortiz5 said:Thanks so much! 🙂

So, I ran into this pharmacist over the weekend—her kid actually went to the same preschool as mine—and she suggested I try using coconut oil. She mentioned it’s super gentle since it’s basically what people use for baby skin care anyway, so there's no harm in it. Apparently, if you soak a cotton ball in it, it can even help with those little blemishes. I think I'll give it a shot and see how it goes...

Mine is ten now, and this year we've started seeing those first little breakouts, especially during the summer when these unbearable heatwaves and constant sweating kick in.
We aren't using any specific treatments yet; we're just sticking to washing her face.
It isn't super severe, though. Her grandmother recently decided—without asking me, mind you—to try and squeeze one of the spots, which honestly made my blood boil.
I'm not someone who obsesses over pimples, and her skin isn't even at the stage where squeezing would cause actual scarring or damage.
But man, puberty is really starting to hit her. I'm keeping things under control for now, even though this whole shift toward her fighting for every single inch of autonomy is a massive adjustment for me.😁
I can still manage to make her realize when she's wrong just by giving her "the look"... but the way she does that heavy sigh or rolls her eyes... honestly, it's exhausting.😁

Elizabeth Scott4 said:I won't linger on the point; have you ever paused to wonder if there is something fundamentally broken with your adolescent offspring?😕
To be precise, I found myself questioning today whether my niece—who is currently being ravaged by puberty—is actually schizophrenic (her mother carries the diagnosis, unfortunately). I certainly didn't experience these particular phases during my own youth, but this is a level of volatility that borders on the irrational. The weeping, the screaming, the slamming of doors, the baseless accusations that her grandmother is being abusive...
She maintains her appearance, she's somewhat messy (which is standard for that age), she isn't negligent about herself, and she performs exceptionally well in school. However, we discovered cigarettes today. The resulting hysteria was so profound that I became genuinely convinced that if I continued the conversation, she would end up in a psychiatric ward.
My pulse reached 92.🙂

How old is she?
Honestly, none of what you're describing sounds like schizophrenia to me; it sounds much more like the textbook adolescent rebellion phase—all the protesting, the door slamming, and that desperate, misguided attempt to act grown-up (which usually involves picking up a cigarette).
And they lie, believe me, they lie constantly..
If her mother is dealing with a serious illness, she might be having a harder time navigating puberty than most kids, but from my own experience watching the neighbors upstairs😛, we all went through this exact same stuff. It’s part of the process. It passes.

Jason Ortiz5 said:I’m not totally sure if this belongs here, but I honestly don't know where else to turn. Over the last month or so, I’ve noticed my eight-year-old daughter’s skin is getting a bit oily, and then just yesterday, she actually broke out with some real pimples on her nose. 😲 It really caught me off guard. Neither her dad nor I ever dealt with acne issues, so we're pretty lucky there, but goodness, she's only eight! Isn't that a little early? 🤦

I did a little digging online and apparently, it’s not as unheard of as I thought. She doesn't have any other signs of puberty—well, except for the occasional mood swing, but let's be real, she's been like that since she could talk... 😍 Most people suggest using the same kind of skincare adults use, or maybe seeing a dermatologist if things get worse. Definitely stay away from those fancy facialists unless a doctor actually tells you to go.

Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Does anyone have experience with kids getting breakouts this early, or maybe a recommendation for a good product or just some general advice? 🙂

Man, my kid is growing up way too fast! 😍

Someone already mentioned coconut oil. Personally, I use this tiny natural cream that contains coconut oil, olive oil, and propolis. It's called Sea Breeze, you can look it up. 🙂 Just apply it at night before she goes to sleep, since it's pretty heavy.
For washing her face, try the L'Oréal gel—the one in the bottle with the built-in brush. You should probably toss the brush after a few days, though, because bacteria tends to build up on it.
As a routine, it works great. I mean, it won't stop pimples from appearing entirely, but there are way, way fewer of them, they dry up faster, and the redness goes away.

Charles Murphy6 said:How old is she?
Honestly, none of what you're describing sounds like schizophrenia to me; it sounds much more like the textbook adolescent rebellion phase—all the protesting, the door slamming, and that desperate, misguided attempt to act grown-up (which usually involves picking up a cigarette).
And they lie, believe me, they lie constantly..
If her mother is dealing with a serious illness, she might be having a harder time navigating puberty than most kids, but from my own experience watching the neighbors upstairs😛, we all went through this exact same stuff. It’s part of the process. It passes.

Look, I don't necessarily view it as a disease either, but you have to understand... there is this constant state of fear. You can't even hold a conversation with her; if you ask a simple question, things turn terrifying. Cigarettes are one thing, but her behavior is truly awful. She shows zero respect for her grandmother, who does everything for her and her sister, yet she just screams and acts completely disrespectful—like an unraised brat🙂...

Elizabeth Scott4 said:Look, I don't necessarily view it as a disease either, but you have to understand... there is this constant state of fear. You can't even hold a conversation with her; if you ask a simple question, things turn terrifying. Cigarettes are one thing, but her behavior is truly awful. She shows zero respect for her grandmother, who does everything for her and her sister, yet she just screams and acts completely disrespectful—like an unraised brat🙂...

Man, welcome to the teenage years! My daughter is the exact same way—she probably thinks yelling at us is a sign of maturity, when really they're all still green as grass. Honestly, it'll pass. Just try to keep your cool and don't let them get under your skin. These are just phases; hang in there for a few days and things usually settle down. God knows we weren't exactly angels at that age either. It’s just part of growing up. Once this stage hits, you'll actually laugh about it together—well, my daughter will... if she ever admits to any of it. They act like they know everything, constantly questioning authority—classic puberty symptoms. It hits hard, then it passes.

Casey Booth3 said:Man, welcome to the teenage years! My daughter is the exact same way—she probably thinks yelling at us is a sign of maturity, when really they're all still green as grass. Honestly, it'll pass. Just try to keep your cool and don't let them get under your skin. These are just phases; hang in there for a few days and things usually settle down. God knows we weren't exactly angels at that age either. It’s just part of growing up. Once this stage hits, you'll actually laugh about it together—well, my daughter will... if she ever admits to any of it. They act like they know everything, constantly questioning authority—classic puberty symptoms. It hits hard, then it passes.

Oh, sure—feel free to claim "we weren't like that." 🙄

Just please, for the love of everything, don't start with that whole "back in our day, people had respect, things were done properly, etcetera, etcetera..." routine.🙂.

I had quite the "clash" today. She was incredibly rude to this little girl, and while I usually try to stay out of it, my daughter often comes home absolutely distraught because someone hurt her feelings.
What I realized when I sat her down to talk is that her ultimate weapon is the waterworks. Pure, unadulterated manipulation through tears.😁
Then, amidst all the sobbing, she starts loudly justifying herself, practically shouting at me.
It made me realize how much I refuse to raise my voice. I stay calm, avoiding any histrionics, and when she starts escalating, I just calmly ask, "Am I yelling?" And just like that, she’s defeated...😛
My husband was eavesdropping on our conversation today and told me I handled it perfectly.
I’m done falling for the tears. Tears are just a precursor to hysterics, and frankly, neither of us needs that drama. Instead, she just sits there, acting like the center of the universe, while I talk and talk and talk...
The thing is, you never truly know if they’re actually listening to you.🤣
I wonder, what were we like? My parents claim they didn't even notice my teenage rebellion phase. Honestly, I have no idea. I know for a fact I was never disrespectful toward them.
Now, I have a question for you all. When I find myself in a situation where I need to issue some kind of punishment for disobedience, what should I actually take away? It’s not about computer time or her phone. She just stares at the TV...
She loves photography and all sorts of creative crafts. How can I even justify taking those away? I feel completely lost here because I haven't really dealt with outright defiance before, but I can see it coming...
What should I do?
Should I stop taking her to the park? That feels ridiculous. I'm honestly stuck wondering if I should implement light punishments or if I should just keep talking and talking...
For now, I'm sticking to the old-school method of constant lecturing, hoping something finally sticks in that head of hers.

Charles Murphy6 said:I had quite the "clash" today. She was incredibly rude to this little girl, and while I usually try to stay out of it, my daughter often comes home absolutely distraught because someone hurt her feelings.
What I realized when I sat her down to talk is that her ultimate weapon is the waterworks. Pure, unadulterated manipulation through tears.😁
Then, amidst all the sobbing, she starts loudly justifying herself, practically shouting at me.
It made me realize how much I refuse to raise my voice. I stay calm, avoiding any histrionics, and when she starts escalating, I just calmly ask, "Am I yelling?" And just like that, she’s defeated...😛
My husband was eavesdropping on our conversation today and told me I handled it perfectly.
I’m done falling for the tears. Tears are just a precursor to hysterics, and frankly, neither of us needs that drama. Instead, she just sits there, acting like the center of the universe, while I talk and talk and talk...
The thing is, you never truly know if they’re actually listening to you.🤣
I wonder, what were we like? My parents claim they didn't even notice my teenage rebellion phase. Honestly, I have no idea. I know for a fact I was never disrespectful toward them.
Now, I have a question for you all. When I find myself in a situation where I need to issue some kind of punishment for disobedience, what should I actually take away? It’s not about computer time or her phone. She just stares at the TV...
She loves photography and all sorts of creative crafts. How can I even justify taking those away? I feel completely lost here because I haven't really dealt with outright defiance before, but I can see it coming...
What should I do?
Should I stop taking her to the park? That feels ridiculous. I'm honestly stuck wondering if I should implement light punishments or if I should just keep talking and talking...
For now, I'm sticking to the old-school method of constant lecturing, hoping something finally sticks in that head of hers.

But why would you even punish her?
What are you hoping to achieve with a punishment?
What does "punishment" actually mean to you?
Do you follow certain rules in your own life just to avoid being penalized, or because you genuinely believe that's the right way to act?
What’s the end goal here—do you want her to stop defying you out of fear, or do you want to teach her how to advocate for her needs without being disrespectful?
Are you looking for an obedient child who reacts to rewards and penalties (basically, following someone else's lead), or a self-assured kid who actually thinks about their own actions?

I am all for reacting to bad behavior and taking action when things go wrong.
And if someone was hurt or upset, I definitely think the damage should be repaired.
But I’m not a fan of punishments.
I really feel like it's possible to handle things without setting up formal penalties.

Charles Murphy6 said:I had quite the "clash" today. She was incredibly rude to this little girl, and while I usually try to stay out of it, my daughter often comes home absolutely distraught because someone hurt her feelings.
What I realized when I sat her down to talk is that her ultimate weapon is the waterworks. Pure, unadulterated manipulation through tears.😁
Then, amidst all the sobbing, she starts loudly justifying herself, practically shouting at me.
It made me realize how much I refuse to raise my voice. I stay calm, avoiding any histrionics, and when she starts escalating, I just calmly ask, "Am I yelling?" And just like that, she’s defeated...😛
My husband was eavesdropping on our conversation today and told me I handled it perfectly.
I’m done falling for the tears. Tears are just a precursor to hysterics, and frankly, neither of us needs that drama. Instead, she just sits there, acting like the center of the universe, while I talk and talk and talk...
The thing is, you never truly know if they’re actually listening to you.🤣
I wonder, what were we like? My parents claim they didn't even notice my teenage rebellion phase. Honestly, I have no idea. I know for a fact I was never disrespectful toward them.
Now, I have a question for you all. When I find myself in a situation where I need to issue some kind of punishment for disobedience, what should I actually take away? It’s not about computer time or her phone. She just stares at the TV...
She loves photography and all sorts of creative crafts. How can I even justify taking those away? I feel completely lost here because I haven't really dealt with outright defiance before, but I can see it coming...
What should I do?
Should I stop taking her to the park? That feels ridiculous. I'm honestly stuck wondering if I should implement light punishments or if I should just keep talking and talking...
For now, I'm sticking to the old-school method of constant lecturing, hoping something finally sticks in that head of hers.

Noooooooo!
Absolutely not.
Not at all!

Charles Murphy6 said:I had quite the "clash" today. She was incredibly rude to this little girl, and while I usually try to stay out of it, my daughter often comes home absolutely distraught because someone hurt her feelings.
What I realized when I sat her down to talk is that her ultimate weapon is the waterworks. Pure, unadulterated manipulation through tears.😁
Then, amidst all the sobbing, she starts loudly justifying herself, practically shouting at me.
It made me realize how much I refuse to raise my voice. I stay calm, avoiding any histrionics, and when she starts escalating, I just calmly ask, "Am I yelling?" And just like that, she’s defeated...😛
My husband was eavesdropping on our conversation today and told me I handled it perfectly.
I’m done falling for the tears. Tears are just a precursor to hysterics, and frankly, neither of us needs that drama. Instead, she just sits there, acting like the center of the universe, while I talk and talk and talk...
The thing is, you never truly know if they’re actually listening to you.🤣
I wonder, what were we like? My parents claim they didn't even notice my teenage rebellion phase. Honestly, I have no idea. I know for a fact I was never disrespectful toward them.
Now, I have a question for you all. When I find myself in a situation where I need to issue some kind of punishment for disobedience, what should I actually take away? It’s not about computer time or her phone. She just stares at the TV...
She loves photography and all sorts of creative crafts. How can I even justify taking those away? I feel completely lost here because I haven't really dealt with outright defiance before, but I can see it coming...
What should I do?
Should I stop taking her to the park? That feels ridiculous. I'm honestly stuck wondering if I should implement light punishments or if I should just keep talking and talking...
For now, I'm sticking to the old-school method of constant lecturing, hoping something finally sticks in that head of hers.

From my own experience, and from working with teenagers, punishing them for being defiant usually just makes them more defiant.😳
Only a tiny handful of teens will retreat into themselves and stop acting out, but usually, after a while, they just stop expressing what they want and become, well, apathetic, compliant, and boring....
I'm guessing you don't want either of those outcomes.

In a hypothetical situation where she's being stubborn and rude while asking to go to the park, I think it's incredibly important to tell her that you don't like the way she's speaking to you. Let her know that her tone is hurtful, and that while you heard what she wanted, you aren't going to grant it this time because of how she asked.

If you know she was rude to someone else, do what you just did; talk to her (and give her the space to cry and vent—what's wrong with letting those feelings out?)
Just, please, I hope you aren't using those tired cliches like, "I don't want to be embarrassed by you and your behavior."🙄....instead of just judging, maybe give her a chance to share her side of the story first? It’s worth asking how she was feeling in that moment, what her intentions were, and if she thinks there was a better way to handle things. You could also ask her how she’d feel if someone treated her the exact same way, or if she has any ideas on how to make things right with the little girl...
You might even want to open up about your own feelings—how much it hurts when someone treats you like that, and why it's been so tough for you lately.
At the end of the day, having a conversation is vital, but there’s a huge difference between a real dialogue and just talking at someone.
Usually, kids don't really listen to one-sided monologues.😉

The penalties don't mean a damn thing to me—considering I haven't even been penalized myself, so thanks for that input.🙂
I was being ironic when I mentioned stifling her creativity—honestly, that was never even on the table.😉
And apparently, you’ve been eavesdropping on us too, haven't you?😁
I did exactly what you instructed me to do... no, I am not feeding her empty platitudes, believe me, that hasn't even crossed my mind.
Tears are perfectly acceptable in our household. Being emotional is fine. But this is one of those situations where she thinks shedding tears means I’ll just wrap her in a hug and call it a day without actually talking, and she almost always starts screaming along with the crying whenever we try to have these kinds of discussions. That said, I don't forbid her from crying (though I'm not quite sure how I would even manage that), but I absolutely will not tolerate the screaming.
Thanks again. The whole concept of penalties is totally off. That’s what I thought anyway, but hey, I have this forum, so I ask.😉
She has never once been defiant toward me before. I simply want to teach her how to be a young lady who actually thinks about her actions. It's just like you said—when someone truly hurts her, she becomes incredibly distraught.

Charles Murphy6 said:I had quite the "clash" today. She was incredibly rude to this little girl, and while I usually try to stay out of it, my daughter often comes home absolutely distraught because someone hurt her feelings.
What I realized when I sat her down to talk is that her ultimate weapon is the waterworks. Pure, unadulterated manipulation through tears.😁
Then, amidst all the sobbing, she starts loudly justifying herself, practically shouting at me.
It made me realize how much I refuse to raise my voice. I stay calm, avoiding any histrionics, and when she starts escalating, I just calmly ask, "Am I yelling?" And just like that, she’s defeated...😛
My husband was eavesdropping on our conversation today and told me I handled it perfectly.
I’m done falling for the tears. Tears are just a precursor to hysterics, and frankly, neither of us needs that drama. Instead, she just sits there, acting like the center of the universe, while I talk and talk and talk...
The thing is, you never truly know if they’re actually listening to you.🤣
I wonder, what were we like? My parents claim they didn't even notice my teenage rebellion phase. Honestly, I have no idea. I know for a fact I was never disrespectful toward them.
Now, I have a question for you all. When I find myself in a situation where I need to issue some kind of punishment for disobedience, what should I actually take away? It’s not about computer time or her phone. She just stares at the TV...
She loves photography and all sorts of creative crafts. How can I even justify taking those away? I feel completely lost here because I haven't really dealt with outright defiance before, but I can see it coming...
What should I do?
Should I stop taking her to the park? That feels ridiculous. I'm honestly stuck wondering if I should implement light punishments or if I should just keep talking and talking...
For now, I'm sticking to the old-school method of constant lecturing, hoping something finally sticks in that head of hers.

That unknown singer was once talking in an interview about how his father would just go on and on—"talk, talk, and talk"—until he finally stopped and asked him, "Are you even listening to me?" And the guy replied, "...I was just staring at his mustache, watching one side twitch while the other stayed perfectly still.". 🤣

punishment for disobedience

First off, define what you mean by "disobedience."

And more importantly, define what you actually hope to achieve by using punishment—or whatever other tactic you're planning to employ.

Nicholas King said:That unknown singer was once talking in an interview about how his father would just go on and on—"talk, talk, and talk"—until he finally stopped and asked him, "Are you even listening to me?" And the guy replied, "...I was just staring at his mustache, watching one side twitch while the other stayed perfectly still.". 🤣

punishment for disobedience

First off, define what you mean by "disobedience."

And more importantly, define what you actually hope to achieve by using punishment—or whatever other tactic you're planning to employ.

For unknown:
And it isn't just Justin Timberlake; it’s been proven countless times. I think there are actually studies out there detailing exactly how many minutes a child can actually focus on a parent before they tune out.

My only fear is that this is the kind of mistake a well-meaning parent might make without even realizing it. 🙄
For instance: a kid or a teenager messes up, and you roll up your sleeves, determined to be that "successful parent" who explains everything perfectly. So you start explaining, then your last smart point triggers a new association, so you keep going, and then another association hits, and it just goes on and on forever.

The most tragicomic part is that you usually don't notice you're doing it, or you convince yourself you aren't making that kind of mistake—but when the other parent starts lecturing, you see it instantly and everything becomes crystal clear. By then, the kid checked out a long time ago and is just staring at a mustache (if Mom and Dad have them 😁) or some smudge on the wall or...

Anyway, when you have something to say to a teenager, try to get the most important stuff out in the first three sentences, if you absolutely have to keep talking. They hear you, they really do; I've experienced it firsthand, and unfortunately, I've learned the hard way that every sentence after that just loses its meaning. Besides, imagine how long you could listen to someone's endless pedagogical litany?!

Charles Murphy6 said:The penalties don't mean a damn thing to me—considering I haven't even been penalized myself, so thanks for that input.🙂
I was being ironic when I mentioned stifling her creativity—honestly, that was never even on the table.😉
And apparently, you’ve been eavesdropping on us too, haven't you?😁
I did exactly what you instructed me to do... no, I am not feeding her empty platitudes, believe me, that hasn't even crossed my mind.
Tears are perfectly acceptable in our household. Being emotional is fine. But this is one of those situations where she thinks shedding tears means I’ll just wrap her in a hug and call it a day without actually talking, and she almost always starts screaming along with the crying whenever we try to have these kinds of discussions. That said, I don't forbid her from crying (though I'm not quite sure how I would even manage that), but I absolutely will not tolerate the screaming.
Thanks again. The whole concept of penalties is totally off. That’s what I thought anyway, but hey, I have this forum, so I ask.😉
She has never once been defiant toward me before. I simply want to teach her how to be a young lady who actually thinks about her actions. It's just like you said—when someone truly hurts her, she becomes incredibly distraught.

I just couldn't help but comment (and I won't try to judge whether you meant it ironically or not, though I'm pretty sure you’d be heartbroken if you actually took away her creative outlets 😛).
It might surprise you, but so many parents do exactly that.
They punish their kids by taking away the things they love most. It happens all the time—maybe a kid isn't getting the grades they should be (and it's not always about failing, just not meeting expectations), or they come home late, slam doors when they're frustrated, or just give one-word answers and refuse to help out around the house. Parents end up grounding them from sports practice or taking away their guitar, their art supplies, or their jewelry-making kits. These things are such vital outlets for kids to vent stress and relax, and they often serve as the motivation to go back and do the chores or tasks the parent wants done after they've had a chance to blow off some steam.

There are even books and "experts" out there claiming that withholding what a child values most is the best way to handle things... as if that works perfectly. 🙄
Sometimes people even provide literal "punishment recipes."

I'm personally not a fan of punishment. In my opinion, that kind of approach just fuels rebellion, and it often drives kids to run away from home just to find a space where they can actually express themselves.
It damages the relationship, and without that bond, you really can't influence their behavior.
Then, someone else ends up being the one who models how they should act.

Charles Murphy6 said:The penalties don't mean a damn thing to me—considering I haven't even been penalized myself, so thanks for that input.🙂
I was being ironic when I mentioned stifling her creativity—honestly, that was never even on the table.😉
And apparently, you’ve been eavesdropping on us too, haven't you?😁
I did exactly what you instructed me to do... no, I am not feeding her empty platitudes, believe me, that hasn't even crossed my mind.
Tears are perfectly acceptable in our household. Being emotional is fine. But this is one of those situations where she thinks shedding tears means I’ll just wrap her in a hug and call it a day without actually talking, and she almost always starts screaming along with the crying whenever we try to have these kinds of discussions. That said, I don't forbid her from crying (though I'm not quite sure how I would even manage that), but I absolutely will not tolerate the screaming.
Thanks again. The whole concept of penalties is totally off. That’s what I thought anyway, but hey, I have this forum, so I ask.😉
She has never once been defiant toward me before. I simply want to teach her how to be a young lady who actually thinks about her actions. It's just like you said—when someone truly hurts her, she becomes incredibly distraught.

So what?
If she starts yelling, I'd just give her a hug (if that's what she says she needs).
Sometimes kids just need to feel held, to know they have support, and to see that we are still there for them even when they mess up.
By the way, I tend to joke when I'm angry, so it occurs to me that maybe she's just mad at herself and that's why she's yelling.
And hey, sometimes you just need to let that anger out.

The conversation doesn't have to happen right away, either.
There's no point in trying to talk while she's completely overwhelmed by her emotions.
I would probably just let her cool off and let her know that we'll discuss the topic once she's feeling calmer.
(Especially if she knows she messed up; she needs some time to process it herself before she's ready to face you.)

Every situation can be looked at from different angles. If we only focus on the fact that the child was being disrespectful—because we want to stop that behavior immediately—we miss a lot of the bigger picture.

If we jump straight into "fixing" the situation (usually by grabbing a punishment from a manual...🙄), we often end up causing more harm than good. Instead of helping, we rob our kids of the chance to actually own their actions. The goal should be to fix what was broken and turn it into a life lesson that sticks, not just for next time, but for the future.

Take your example, for instance. By her own actions, she could have faced consequences before she even had to deal with you.
She might have felt genuinely sad and discouraged.
The consequence could have simply been losing friends—not just one friend, but maybe three others who saw how rude she was being and decided they didn't want a friend who acts that way.
When she starts crying, what she really needs from you is support, especially since she knows she messed up and feels terrible about it.

So, should a parent pile on by also enforcing the loss of friendships? If a parent is strictly looking at the bad behavior, what kind of punishment would even be fair?
Should a parent take away her phone, block her Facebook, or ban her from going to the local park—basically cutting off any way she can talk to her friend to try and make things right?
I personally don't think so.

Amanda Hughes37 said:I went to a local drugstore—they didn't exactly have an "eight-year-old" section—and asked about facial cleansers and soothing inflammation from breakouts.
I ended up with a solution—can't recall the name—but it came in a plastic bottle, similar to rubbing alcohol.
We applied it with cotton pads morning and night... it helped quite a bit.

Same here. Told my folks the same thing—both of them have totally clear skin now.😍

I mean, seriously. Kids these days are just straight-up disrespectful... they have zero regard for anyone, especially older people, and they just don't listen. And you guys aren't doing anything about it either. It’s like, everyone thinks it's just some "phase," but then this behavior just keeps happening and happening. Like, where are the consequences? There have to be boundaries... I mean, what are we even doing here? How can you expect any kind of respect if there isn't any discipline or basic rules for how to act in public?
Look, if a kid comes home late once after hanging out with friends—fine, life happens. But if they do it ten times in a row? Yeah, no. They should be grounded, period.
Honestly, I really don't get how some people here are claiming they haven't achieved anything by setting limits... if you can't set boundaries, you basically have zero authority.
What's even the point of being a parent if you just let them run wild and do whatever they want? If that's the case, just start your own little gated community and let them go crazy there.

Jesse Fox5 said:I mean, seriously. Kids these days are just straight-up disrespectful... they have zero regard for anyone, especially older people, and they just don't listen. And you guys aren't doing anything about it either. It’s like, everyone thinks it's just some "phase," but then this behavior just keeps happening and happening. Like, where are the consequences? There have to be boundaries... I mean, what are we even doing here? How can you expect any kind of respect if there isn't any discipline or basic rules for how to act in public?
Look, if a kid comes home late once after hanging out with friends—fine, life happens. But if they do it ten times in a row? Yeah, no. They should be grounded, period.
Honestly, I really don't get how some people here are claiming they haven't achieved anything by setting limits... if you can't set boundaries, you basically have zero authority.
What's even the point of being a parent if you just let them run wild and do whatever they want? If that's the case, just start your own little gated community and let them go crazy there.

Do you honestly believe that imposing fines or restrictions will force someone to act with civility? 🤔

Linda Morris61 said:Do you honestly believe that imposing fines or restrictions will force someone to act with civility? 🤔

Look, friend... parenting starts way before a kid hits 12 or 13. By then, you're already playing catch-up, and that's when things get messy and you're forced to go hard with discipline. I see this disaster happening all around me lately. There’s this little girl in my neighborhood—she's about to start elementary school this fall—and honestly, she's a total wreck. She doesn't listen to anyone, she's completely wild, and she even goes around being mean to animals. It's because there were zero boundaries set early on. If you don't teach them now, they just grow up to be spoiled, selfish jerks. Seriously, what kind of world are we living in??!!!
And yeah, obviously I’m going to discipline my kid if they pull some nonsense. What am I supposed to do, give them a trophy? Or just sit back and wait until they're running headfirst into a wall so we can all have a good cry about it?🙂