Dealing with the teenage years is a nightmare

At first glance, he likely isn't even aware of his behavior. But once you point it out to him? Well, he refuses to concede, doesn't he? It’s simply a matter of an immature ego playing up, which is perfectly expected given his age. One requires a certain level of maturity to actually acknowledge one's own mistakes.

I went through this exact same struggle with my own child during those formative years between ages two and five—though, if I am being honest, it was largely my own fault. Instead of establishing firm boundaries and actually enforcing them, I wasted my energy trying to explain the nuances of my mistakes and how much their actions hurt my feelings, which is just not how we operate in our household. We don't engage in that kind of emotional dialogue. So, I spent three years in a constant tug-of-war with absolutely zero progress to show for it. Eventually, I shifted gears and began reacting to every single transgression by defending my boundaries, and lo and behold, it clicked. Or at least, she accepted it and adjusted her behavior. A small child doesn't necessarily need to grasp the underlying logic of every rule; they simply need to accept them. They need to understand cause and effect—it is basic "if-then" logic.
Around eighth grade, I granted her total autonomy regarding decisions that didn't harm us or anyone else, provided she understood the consequences of her choices. She has stuck to that arrangement ever since. In fact, she quite enjoyed having more freedom regarding her social life than the other kids in her peer group. Consequently, compared to the chaos of her toddler years, her puberty was a walk in the park. My mistake.

Nicholas King said:Give me a break.

It seems like nowadays, every single issue in elementary school gets slapped with an ADHD diagnosis, and if a teenager acts out, you can just blame the internet and call it a day.

Honestly, it turns out being a parent has never been easier—if you believe all the nonsense being pushed lately.

I'm with you.☕

We’re constantly "blaming the kids" for being difficult, weird, or whatever else they happen to be...
In today's endless feedback loops, I rarely see parents stop to ask, "Wait, am I actually raising them this way?"
It’s much easier to point fingers at society, the world, or the universe than it is to look in the mirror.

And let's be honest, we've become a pretty comfortable generation.☕.

William Myers3 said:Is it actually possible for kids to be completely unaware of how they’re acting? Because whenever I point out that he was being disrespectful, for instance, he flat-out denies it...
I can certainly accept that he’s going through a phase of change, but there really is a limit to the outbursts I am willing to tolerate...
Punishments haven't exactly proven to be effective here in the States... Although, limiting screen time does work to some extent, because I just don't think it's normal for him to be glued to the internet all day long...
I tried explaining the whole concept of "equality" to him. Okay, fine, he wants equality? No problem at all, but he gets the responsibilities and accountability that come in the package too. 😉
I felt that was a fair approach, and it seemed to work initially, but after two days—and once a few minor chores around the house were added to the mix—he decided he wasn't actually that interested in us being equals...

His excuse for the verbal outbursts is that he just can't control himself in the moment, especially when we are arguing about something he feels strongly about...
So, I asked him if he would react that same way with, say, a teacher or anyone else... He wouldn't...
He stopped to think about it...

Yes, Dina, it absolutely is. Most adults don't even realize how they behave, so why would you expect a teenager to care about their actions if they haven't been taught to reflect on them yet?
Stop acting shocked when things go sideways and start taking the lead in parenting.
You're the parent here, not the other way around.

Teenagers have egos the size of skyscrapers. So while you're busy arguing over something they think is vital, of course they're going to lose it—who wouldn't?
Quit the fighting and just talk 😉.
Your kid is basically a mirror of you.
Maybe take a look at your own behavior first.😉.

Diary of a Ten-Year-Old Puberty Survivor

- Refuses to use the plastic cup in the bathroom when brushing her teeth. She’s insisting on glass because she thinks it looks "cool."
- Her reasoning? The plastic one is just STUPID.

We don't exactly keep glassware in the bathroom here (much to her intense disapproval), so I got her a slightly different plastic cup to replace the old one—one that clearly isn't "stupid."
🤣🤣🤣

mistydrifter55 said:Diary of a Ten-Year-Old Puberty Survivor

- Refuses to use the plastic cup in the bathroom when brushing her teeth. She’s insisting on glass because she thinks it looks "cool."
- Her reasoning? The plastic one is just STUPID.

We don't exactly keep glassware in the bathroom here (much to her intense disapproval), so I got her a slightly different plastic cup to replace the old one—one that clearly isn't "stupid."
🤣🤣🤣

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhaahhaah, god help me🙏🙏🙏

mistydrifter55 said:Diary of a Ten-Year-Old Puberty Survivor

- Refuses to use the plastic cup in the bathroom when brushing her teeth. She’s insisting on glass because she thinks it looks "cool."
- Her reasoning? The plastic one is just STUPID.

We don't exactly keep glassware in the bathroom here (much to her intense disapproval), so I got her a slightly different plastic cup to replace the old one—one that clearly isn't "stupid."
🤣🤣🤣

In my house, she wouldn't get a replacement cup. If she wants something fancy, she can buy it with her own allowance.

It reminds me of those over-the-top parents who cook two separate dinners just because one kid doesn't like a specific dish. One meal for the picky eaters, one for everyone else. 🙂

Anthony Garcia19 said:In my house, she wouldn't get a replacement cup. If she wants something fancy, she can buy it with her own allowance.

It reminds me of those over-the-top parents who cook two separate dinners just because one kid doesn't like a specific dish. One meal for the picky eaters, one for everyone else. 🙂

Under U.S. labor laws, she isn't even allowed to work yet—she’s too young.☕
That doesn't mean I should mentally torture her by cutting her off from everything or ignoring her perspective as an individual.
If she's unhappy about something, there's a reason. We talk it out, find some middle ground, and look for a solution. We follow the house rules and what's feasible, while still trying to respect what she wants.
The names she's calling things? Honestly, they're pretty typical for her age.
If this were you at her age, you probably would have looked at it and said, "Ugh, this glass is gross," and then gone out to buy a new one, "covered in glitter." But you were an adult; she can't afford to go shopping on a whim.
And let's be real: if you were in her shoes, you wouldn't just stare at a "gross" glass and mope because you couldn't get another one. You would have found a way to fix the situation so you didn't feel so bad.

Sure, it sounds trivial, but you have to actually talk to kids and try to understand where they're coming from. They aren't being difficult just because they have nothing better to do; they simply haven't learned how to bridge the gap between the chaos in their heads and the world around them.

Anthony Garcia19 said:In my house, she wouldn't get a replacement cup. If she wants something fancy, she can buy it with her own allowance.

It reminds me of those over-the-top parents who cook two separate dinners just because one kid doesn't like a specific dish. One meal for the picky eaters, one for everyone else. 🙂

Honestly, you remind me of an toxic parent—the kind people finally vent about once they grow out of their teenage years and start looking at things clearly.

You’ve got to pick your battles when it comes to kids, whether they're two or twelve.
Doesn't it get exhausting trying to whip up a whole different dinner just because someone isn't a fan of 🤷
? I usually just cook what everyone eats, and if I want something specific that one family member doesn't touch, I'll just make a quick side or substitute they actually like.
It's not like we're in boot camp or anything.

rowdypanther12 said:You’ve got to pick your battles when it comes to kids, whether they're two or twelve.
Doesn't it get exhausting trying to whip up a whole different dinner just because someone isn't a fan of 🤷
? I usually just cook what everyone eats, and if I want something specific that one family member doesn't touch, I'll just make a quick side or substitute they actually like.
It's not like we're in boot camp or anything.

That’s exactly what I was getting at. I’m not going to go to war with her over a glass of milk, a pair of pants, or whatever else ends up on the plate. We find a middle ground when we can't give them exactly what they want.

In our house, we draw the line at things like health and school. That's where we hold our ground.
Everything else? We bend. We compromise. A kid needs to develop their own sense of self and have the freedom to make choices—within reason, obviously.

https://scontent-vie1-1.xx.fbcdn.net...98&oe=5C6F169F

mistydrifter55 said:Under U.S. labor laws, she isn't even allowed to work yet—she’s too young.☕
That doesn't mean I should mentally torture her by cutting her off from everything or ignoring her perspective as an individual.
If she's unhappy about something, there's a reason. We talk it out, find some middle ground, and look for a solution. We follow the house rules and what's feasible, while still trying to respect what she wants.
The names she's calling things? Honestly, they're pretty typical for her age.
If this were you at her age, you probably would have looked at it and said, "Ugh, this glass is gross," and then gone out to buy a new one, "covered in glitter." But you were an adult; she can't afford to go shopping on a whim.
And let's be real: if you were in her shoes, you wouldn't just stare at a "gross" glass and mope because you couldn't get another one. You would have found a way to fix the situation so you didn't feel so bad.

Sure, it sounds trivial, but you have to actually talk to kids and try to understand where they're coming from. They aren't being difficult just because they have nothing better to do; they simply haven't learned how to bridge the gap between the chaos in their heads and the world around them.

Spot on, mistydrifter55. I'm with you. 😉 I agree on one thing. Not buying someone a new toothbrush isn't exactly psychological warfare or neglect. Everything. Just by ignoring what the kid says.

If I don't buy my kid a new glass, it means sitting them down for a real talk about value. I want them to understand that just because we made a mistake with a purchase doesn't mean we toss it in the trash—even if it’s just something small. We'll wait until this one actually wears out before replacing it with a new one. And since they've already shown an interest in picking it out, I'll let them help me choose the next one.

That way, kids learn to value the hard work behind a purchase rather than just the stuff itself. If they get used to constantly picking up "new glassware," they’ll just fall into that typical consumerist trap—always wanting more and never feeling satisfied, no matter what they own. Worst of all, they'll miss out on learning to respect the effort someone put into making every single product.

@SummerNight, since I didn't want to start a whole new thread, I’ll just touch on that "backup lunch" idea here. Look, we aren't in boot camp or serving time in prison, but we can still learn to appreciate the effort someone puts into a meal. It’s good to remember that other people don't exist just to cater to our every whim. Sometimes, you just eat what's on the table, even if it isn't your favorite. It isn't poison, after all, and the person who cooked it—someone we love—definitely deserves a little credit for their time.

A ten-year-old can definitely wrap their head around an explanation like that. Honestly, I think teaching them that is way more important than just giving in to a meltdown over wanting a different colored cup or picking a meal that doesn't match what everyone else is eating.

If we’re calling that profile a toxic parent today, it just proves how skewed our modern values have become. It’s all coming back to haunt us. We're seeing this massive surge in selfishness and constant dissatisfaction the second someone can't immediately grab their next shiny new toy. I won't even get into the alienation and loneliness that follows—that's a whole other mess.

I don't know, I just don't force people to eat things they don't like, whether it's my kids or my husband.
If I'm not feeling up to making a separate meal or finding a substitute for someone who isn't interested in the main dish, then I'm just not going to cook something we all dislike. It’s really not a big deal.
Besides, a glass can always be used for something else. Why throw it away? And why would a child be stuck with a glass they don't like just out of principle?
Fixating on these little things just drains your energy and creates friction, which eventually ends up affecting the much bigger, more important stuff in life.

rowdypanther12 said:I don't know, I just don't force people to eat things they don't like, whether it's my kids or my husband.
If I'm not feeling up to making a separate meal or finding a substitute for someone who isn't interested in the main dish, then I'm just not going to cook something we all dislike. It’s really not a big deal.
Besides, a glass can always be used for something else. Why throw it away? And why would a child be stuck with a glass they don't like just out of principle?
Fixating on these little things just drains your energy and creates friction, which eventually ends up affecting the much bigger, more important stuff in life.

Well, I do eat! 😁 That’s where we differ. 😉
I don't cook stuff everyone hates, but it happens sometimes. When it does, everyone eats. Or they don't, and they stay hungry. Nobody complains. They might wrinkle their noses a little, but that's it. It's not the end of the world.

But you can always use a glass for something else. Why throw it away? Why would a kid have a glass they don't like just out of principle?
Obsessing over tiny details drains your energy and ruins relationships, which eventually impacts the big, important stuff.

Sure, you could call it being "principled." Like the principle I mentioned earlier. That's why these aren't just small things—they're issues that turn into massive problems if you don't nip them in the bud.

Of course, like everything else, you have to be flexible and compromise occasionally. You just shouldn't let it become a habit.

In general, I think parents today are way too soft on their kids. But hey, I'm just an old Anthony Garcia19, not trying to lecture anyone. 😉

If we just view these things as small details and don't obsess over them, they won't turn into actual problems.
But if someone says "I can't make it to class right now" and you respond with a massive drama or start screaming at them—calling them ungrateful and then just rescheduling later—the issue isn't the missed class, it's the lack of consistency.

Look, there’s certain food I’m just not crazy about, but if it’s what’s on the table, I’ll eat it. Then there’s the stuff I absolutely won't touch, even if I haven't eaten in two days. 😁 It’s the exact same deal when it comes to my husband and the kids. Our dinner menu usually includes something one of them isn't thrilled about—but they'll still dig in because, hey, we don't all have the same palate. And if someone truly refuses to eat something, we just make sure there's an alternative ready to go.

As for the toothbrush thing—honestly, I couldn't care less what kind of brush they want to use. They can grab whatever is in the kitchen cabinet for all I care.

I’ll admit, I can be a pretty tough nut to crack when it comes to parenting. I’m pretty relentless about things like making sure everyone hits the sack on time. 😁

no 😁 we don't all have the same tastes; some things are just okay for me while I absolutely love others. It's a mix—one day it's my daughter's favorite, the next it's my husband's, then it's mine 😁
but if we're eating something that my daughter and I adore and my mom can't wrap her head around, she just gets an extra side or a substitute. To me, that’s just how a household functions normally

I find this whole "crazy mother" label quite amusing—it’s usually reserved for those who whip up something special just because a family member refuses to touch stuffed bell peppers.

It isn't exactly "madness" to fry up an egg or a chicken cutlet instead.

Because of my mother's unwavering commitment to making stuffed peppers, I spent twenty years turning my stomach at the mere sight of anything involving ground meat.🙄
And I certainly haven't forgotten those afternoons spent staring down a plate of cold stuffed peppers. (Though I have forgiven her, partly because she finally admitted she was wrong).

Then there is my aunt, who spends her entire life cooking kale only to throw half of it away, simply because no one—including herself—actually likes it. But apparently, one must eat it occasionally. 🙄 For what reason? Is there a rule written somewhere?

When it comes to my own child, the only thing I won't tolerate is refusing to try a new dish just because of its smell, appearance, or name. 🤣

Perhaps I am also "crazy" for choosing the version of a meal she will actually enjoy eating. For instance, cauliflower soup (which she eats without complaint) versus plain boiled cauliflower.

As they say—you have to pick your battles. 😉

I’ve always had this intense, visceral aversion to liver and those kinds of organ meats
Honestly—it’s one of those things where even thinking about it makes my stomach turn... it’s been that way since I can remember.
Growing up, my mom was always making liver served with mashed potatoes or maybe some grits, and I would just happily stick to the potatoes or the grits with a big dollop of sour cream instead.

My little guy, though, is actually quite the adventurous eater—but if something truly makes his stomach flip, I make it a point never to force him.
Back when he was a toddler, he used to turn his nose up at peas and spinach, though it wasn't quite the same level of nausea I deal with... it was more that the pea skins felt too tough for him, or the spinach texture was just too mushy.
Every once in a while, I'll offer them again, and now? He eats both without a second thought—actually, he absolutely loves spinach! 🙂

The man doesn't touch cabbage in stews, and I can't stand stuffed bell peppers.
So, during the winter months, I tend to lean toward more cabbage dishes, while he prefers the peppers in the summer. 😁

I’m picturing an intern who buys something completely wrong—something so cheap you couldn't even buy a decent bottle of Napa Valley Cabernet for that price—realizes they messed up, and then, instead of just picking up something better, decides to follow some arbitrary "principle" where they just live with their mistake.

You can't seriously believe that a child is going to grow up to be some financially irresponsible fraud just because of a stupid ten-dollar glass.

Life is simply too short to spend it dealing with these kinds of rigid, self-righteous rule-followers.

Basically, whoever’s doing the cooking decides what’s on the menu. Lately, that’s been me, mostly just because of how things are going at home right now.

I don't believe in questioning what's served at the table—I can be pretty old-school and stubborn about that.

I try to keep things varied, and I make sure not to cook any messy, heavy dishes that nobody actually enjoys. And yeah, I definitely respect food preferences, but I have zero patience for those fake dietary "dislikes." Like, if someone claims they hate peas, but then I catch them eating them in a pilaf? Please.

It’s especially necessary when nobody else has an ounce of inspiration for what to eat, or when I’ve ended up being the sole cook for months straight just because that’s how the household dynamic fell into place.

I don't fall for the nonsense from other people's kids either. Honestly, half the time I end up babysitting, and then later on, they’re actually coming to me asking for my recipes for sautéed greens, kale, or green beans.

I really think most people these days just don't know how to cook. When I hear someone say they just toss kale into some boiling water with carrots and potatoes... honestly, it makes me want to throw a shovel at them. I wouldn't touch that mushy, overcooked mess if you paid me.