Loving humanity

masterblaster said:It’s not that you’re pushing people away because you’re afraid of contact—it’s more like you’re projecting a vibe that you desperately crave it, and that’s where things get messy.

So, people might be hesitant to reach out because they feel like I’ll just "absorb" them? That’s a fair point. Unfortunately, the way we project our energy isn't always as easy to control as we might wish it were. 🙂

That being said, I think "desperate" is a bit of an overstatement—I wouldn't say I'm acting out of desperation. I know exactly what it feels like to be truly, desperately hungry for something... and I don't think that's what's driving me right now. 🙂

hollowviper72 said:...Look, there's no denying that you can feel the affection. 🙂 But I still maintain that physical touch in human relationships is a vital element that we’re constantly pushing aside. It's an element where the range of expression and the context are becoming increasingly narrow...

Man, that's just how it looks from your point of view.
I don't think this is about people drifting apart or feeling alienated and all that. It’s much simpler: some people just love being hands-on (both giving and receiving), and others really don't. Even when I was a kid, the idea of having to kiss someone on the cheek just because I was visiting their house felt totally gross to me. Ugh! 😳

masterblaster said:You’re basically equating affection and attention with physical touch.

Where on earth did you get that from? Just from one thing I said? 🤔
I mean, sure, sometimes that's true, but usually only when it comes to my boyfriend or my cat. 😬 It rarely happens with friends, unless they are super tactile people—the kind where a single hug means way more than any deep conversation or listening skills could ever convey. 😉

masterblaster said:For me, showing attention means really listening... if someone is interesting or dear to me, I’ll be 100% present in their story and their life.
As for tenderness? Well... I’m just naturally gentle. People feel relaxed around me without me even having to touch them. It’s just a vibe I radiate. Nothing more.

See, we’re actually pretty much on the same page. We have way more in common than I initially thought. 🙂
But hey, everyone is different, and not everyone responds to attention in the same way.

The whole point was about human touch; my post was actually a response to hollowviper72. Everyone carries a certain level of sensitivity or emotional depth, and it shows up differently in everyone. It's the same with being tactile. There might be people who feel totally creeped out if a friend grabs their arm or gives them a peck on the cheek as a greeting, but honestly, I’ve only ever met one person like that, and they were dealing with some serious mental health struggles.

Anyway, this was my famous line from a few years back:

Touch? That's strictly reserved for my cat and my boyfriend. Everyone else—no thanks.

You’re actually the first person (other than myself) I’ve ever heard say something like that. 🙂 I remember being genuinely shocked whenever I used to say it. 😂

Like I mentioned in an earlier post, my attitude toward physical contact with friends has shifted over time—it’s mellowed out. Back when I felt exactly like you do, that was just my default setting. Looking back, I don't think I was actually that relaxed with people (even though I thought I was at the time). But that’s not the case for everyone. People are just wired differently. 🙂

hollowviper72 said:So they’re scared to get close because it feels like I’m "absorbing" them? Maybe. Honestly, we don't have nearly as much control over our breathing as people would probably like to think. 🙂

That said, I think calling it "desperate" is a bit of a stretch—I wouldn't say I'm feeling desperate for touch. I know exactly what it feels like to be absolutely starving for something... and I definitely don't feel that way right now. 🙂

I didn't say you *were* desperate, just that you give off that kind of vibe. It's more of a "feeling" than something you can actually see. I don't want to publicly dissect you, though—I don't want to accidentally hurt your feelings or pry too deep into your private business.

hollowviper72 said:Look, there’s no denying that you can feel affection. 🙂 But I still stand by my point: physical touch in human relationships is a massive, vital component that we just keep pushing to the side. It's an element where the range of expression and the context are getting narrower and narrower by the day...

I couldn't disagree more. What blaster says about intimacy with close family—like kids, parents, or even partners—is an interesting take, but I have absolutely zero interest in messing around with anything 🤔

hollowviper72 said:I’m not sure about the hugging part, but I have realized that everyone—including you—has their own specific way of seeking comfort. It’s actually a skill, honestly. Knowing how to provide support in the exact way someone needs it, rather than just doing what we *think* they need at the moment.
...

See, I don't usually look for comfort from others. What I mean is, when I'm feeling down, I just want to be left alone—physically by myself. I can't stand being pressured with those "What's wrong? Are you okay?" questions. Sadness comes and goes, and honestly, I find my greatest sense of peace and strength within myself, not from anyone else.

hollowviper72 said:Honestly, breaking through those initial social barriers is usually the hardest part. I don't think it's even about that specifically... I feel like the real issue is just how disconnected people have become lately.

I honestly don't know. I don't really overthink it. To me, those moments just happen naturally. You're hanging out with a close friend and you just feel that sudden burst of affection—maybe you haven't seen them in forever, or they're going through something, and you just want to give them a hug, a quick squeeze of the arm, or a peck on the cheek. It's not something you plan. 🙂At least, I don't feel this constant need to be touching or hugging everyone all the time.

masterblaster said:Look, I’m not really the type to go looking for sympathy. Honestly, when I’m feeling down, I just want to be left alone—physically, just give me some space. I can’t stand it when people start crowding me with those "Are you okay? What's wrong?" questions. Sadness passes, and I usually find my greatest comfort and strength from within myself rather than from anyone else on the outside.

Yeah, I totally get that. 🙂 It just goes to show how differently everyone processes things. For instance, I actually prefer it when someone probes a little bit—it lets me have my monologues and just vent everything out. Then, we open a window to let all that heavy energy drift away, and we move on with our lives. 😁

I wasn't saying you were desperate, just that you give off that kind of impression. It’s one of those things you "feel" rather than see. I don't want to analyze you in person, though—I wouldn't want to accidentally hurt your feelings or say something that feels like I'm prying too deep into your private business.

Fair enough. 🙂

masterblaster said:It’s not that you’re pushing people away because you’re afraid of contact; it’s more like you’re projecting an energy that shows how desperately you actually crave it. And that’s where things get messy.

This could be it.

hollowviper72 said:Personally, I find it helpful to just vent. I need to go on my little rants and get everything out of my system. Then, we just crack a window to let the air clear and move on with our lives. 😁

😲

Look, even if you're actually interested in this other guy, I'm not going to nag you about it. 😳 🤣

masterblaster said:Even when I was a little kid, I used to find it totally gross being forced to give people cheek kisses when visiting relatives. Just yuck! 😳

😂
And honestly, even now, it’s still super awkward having to do those obligatory family kisses or letting everyone else go for it. 😁

Enchantress said:I honestly don't know. I just don't think about it that way. To me, those moments are purely spontaneous—they just happen. You're hanging out with a dear friend, and in that specific moment, you feel a sudden wave of affection, or maybe it's just been too long since you last saw them, or they're just feeling particularly sentimental—so you grab their arm, or they pull you into a hug, or there’s a quick kiss on the cheek... You aren't sitting there calculating it. 🙂 At least, I personally don't feel this constant urge to be hugging or touching everyone all the time.

Hehe, well, I'm certainly not accusing you! 😁 But that's exactly what I'm getting at with the scenario described above... that's when you start bumping into people's personal boundaries. Look, obviously, you aren't just touching people every five seconds. But tell me—have you noticed how even in those "spontaneous" moments, the spontaneity itself seems to be fading? See, true spontaneity requires an absence of expectation. It means not planning things out. And look at us today... society is obsessed with making sure *everything* is scheduled. We live our lives by rigid blueprints. And how can we expect that systematic mindset not to bleed into—and eventually stifle—our basic human spontaneity?

Enchantress said:😂
Honestly, it’s getting pretty awkward for me when I have to deal with all those obligatory family kisses and hugs from relatives. 😁

To hell with that family stuff. In my house, we’ve always been a bit more laid back about personal space... there's just no escaping getting hugged and kissed by every single person in line! 😁

Balkanijan Pig said:😲

Look, even if you were actually interested in this other pride parade, I wouldn't be going out of my way for you anyway. 😳 🤣

First off, I couldn't care less about any pride parade—and second, you're definitely not gentle enough for me. 😛 Buy me some flowers first, you brute! 🙂

hollowviper72 said:Maybe they’re hesitant because it feels like I’m "absorbing" them? It’s possible. Unfortunately, breathing isn't exactly something we can just switch off whenever we feel like it. 🙂

That said, calling it "desperate" feels like a stretch—I don't feel desperate when I touch someone. I know exactly what that hunger feels like... and honestly, I don't think that's what's driving me right now. 🙂

Stop overthinking it!
The second you start analyzing everything this much, you kill the vibe and lose all spontaneity. 😉 Just let things happen. If you want to hug someone or kiss them—just go for it and be done with it. I mean, isn't that the whole point of what we're talking about? 🙂

hollowviper72 said:To hell with all that family stuff. We’ve always been like the old-school folks out West... you just have to take the heat and deal with being smothered by every single relative in line! 😁

It's the exact same story here! 😢
You basically just grit your teeth and endure the endless barrage of kisses from Grandma and Grandpa. 😁

Enchantress said:Just stop overthinking it!
The second you start spiraling into all that analysis—you’ve already killed the spontaneity. 😉 Just let things happen. If you feel like giving someone a hug or a kiss, just go for it and be done with it. I mean, isn't that the whole point of what we're talking about here? 🙂

Look, at my core, I am a philosopher. Thinking is my entire modus operandi. Trying to stop analyzing everything I do would be way too massive a departure from who I actually am. 😉

There are actually some upsides to it, though. For instance, it makes it incredibly hard for me to stumble into awkward situations, and I almost never end up doing anything foolish. 😬

See, spontaneity requires a prerequisite: relaxation. And for me, relaxation is something that has to be "earned." No matter how much I let people in, it's still pretty tough to get into my inner sanctum...

hollowviper72 said:First off, I couldn't care less about any of those types of fights, and

Exactly—if you actually cared about the first one, we'd all be better off, 🙂

Go practice some actual wrestling instead of just flailing your arms around, then maybe you'll 🙂 proc 😂
Besides, they say knocking back a cold beer every day helps; I don't know, go ask Baphi Quote 🤔 😁

hollowviper72 said:secondly, you aren't quite gentle enough for my tastes. 😛 Buy me flowers first, you brute! 🙂

Oh right, flowers... those colorful things they sell in those quirky little boutiques? 🤔

I think I bought some once a long, long time ago for a birthday or maybe Valentine's Day, 🤔 🤣

hollowviper72 said:No matter how much I let people in, it’s still tough to truly enter my inner sanctum...

Just one damn 🙂

😁

Gaudrath said:But seriously, tell me you haven't noticed how those "spontaneous" little touches aren't actually spontaneous anymore... look, spontaneity means there's no calculation involved. It’s not premeditated.

I think you've got it all wrong. People kiss and hug when they haven't seen each other in ages and just feel that rush of affection. I mean, I don't get hit by waves of emotion every five minutes, but when it happens—the reaction is just natural. For instance, I recently saw a friend who lives in another state, and he just flew toward me, gave me a huge hug, lifted me up, spun me around, and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I kissed him back, and we just walked together for a while with his arm wrapped around my shoulder. We've known each other our whole lives. To me, that’s what being spontaneous and natural looks like. 🙂 I honestly don't see what there is to analyze here. 🤔 Another time we met, we were totally casual—I can't even remember if we shook hands or anything.