restlessmarlin6 said:Pesica, you hit the nail on the head 😉
But there are some people who, after reading what you wrote, just become even more exhausting 😢
Or maybe I’m just terrible at shutting them down.
Still, we're talking about a parent here. 😢
Maybe it's Mom? They can be so... 🤣
If it helps, mine is one of the biggest energy vampires I've ever met in my life.
Everything I said applies to her, too. 😉
I handle it by being stone-cold. Sometimes she pulls back, sometimes she gets mad and gives me the silent treatment, sometimes it's something else entirely, but that's her issue, not mine.
If she were actually smart, she would have given up a long time ago, but she isn't.
Just like how kids aren't smart when they let their parents walk all over them just because they're family.
My mother holds that same theory, and she gets incredibly resentful because I won't let her bleed me dry anymore. She literally claims out loud that she has the right to do whatever she wants to me simply because she gave birth to me.
Unfortunately, before my mother, there is one person who matters more to me than anyone else—even her—and that's me.
I will do whatever it takes to protect myself. From whoever it comes from. 😉
You can set boundaries with a parent, but it's harder with them. Partly because so many of them live under the delusion that they "have the right" to treat you however they want, and partly because of your own emotions... you don't want to lose them, so you end up tolerating things just to avoid the risk of a fallout.
Well, I took the risk, and I'm still taking it. If my mother prefers to cut contact rather than accept the fact that while I am her daughter, I am also an independent human being—not her property—then fine, let her cut it.
To hell with it, I'll survive.
Anyone who doesn't value me that much, or someone who doesn't give a damn about how they treat me, or someone incapable of understanding why I defend myself and that I have every right to do so... they don't belong in my life. Even if it's my mother.
She doesn't get it, so when she tries something, I'm not afraid to push back hard, though she hasn't cut me off yet. She uses the threat constantly, and the response she gets is always that I don't want this, but if she thinks cutting me off is better, I'll accommodate her wish—but she will never, ever be able to mess with me like this again.
She loses her mind when I tell her that. 😁
And I just tell her I'm absolutely not joking. Even though my tone is usually pretty sarcastic, since she does care about me deep down, she backs off for that moment, and that's that. I don't see an end to it, but hey, you never know. Maybe she'll learn one day. She spent over 30 years doing things her way, so it's not easy for her, I get that. But I'm not budging even a millimeter. Now it's my turn to live my 30s, and we'll see where we go from there. 😁
It all depends on you.
Make up your mind.
And finally, I see that Kegi is saying you're a good person. I don't doubt it, but in this specific situation, I'd describe you as a bit foolish. 😁
Because true kindness is what you do for others willingly and joyfully, something that makes you feel good rather than burdened.
Kindness isn't letting people—no matter who they are—do whatever they want to you when you clearly DON'T want it. To me, that's just being foolish.
No hard feelings, I hope you get what I'm saying.
Signature: former dummy 😁
